InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Dancing with Scissors ❯ Christmas, Forgiveness, and Compatibility ( Chapter 34 )

Equality has never been a defining feature in the relationship between children, their excitement level, and sleep. Whether the night before the first or last days of school, a birthday, Christmas, or other special day, as excitement grows, the corresponding ability to fall asleep shrinks. Logical explanations that the event in question will come more quickly “if you just go to sleep” rarely work in the face of heightened alert. Rin Higurashi-Taisho, who bolted up in bed when she realized it was finally Christmas, was no different. She had experienced this phenomenon the night before, after being tucked in by her aunt and uncle. Several reassurances of adequate cookies left for Santa and a glass of warm milk did little to ease her firm grip on wakefulness, and after she got up twice, interrupting Kagome and Sesshoumaru cleaning up after dinner and, later, watching a movie, the reassurances turned into gentle threats that Santa doesn't stop at houses with conscious children present.

 

The same imbalance was now in play. Rin knew it was early and she should probably try to go back to sleep. It was still dark, not that it mattered. It was always dark in the morning now, the sun only beginning to rise when she was on her way to school. No, she decided, it was time to get up and do her child duty of waking the adults for the commencement of Christmas morning and the opening of presents. Rin climbed out of bed and padded into Kagome's room. She had another purpose in addition to getting the Christmas morning ball rolling—to confirm her sneaking suspicion that Sesshoumaru had been staying overnight at their house. School had been out for four days, and Kagome was letting her sleep until she woke, and by that time, if her uncle had stayed, he had already left to go to work. When she questioned Kagome about it, her aunt blushed and squirmed and hesitated, ultimately saying, “Rin, would you like to make some more Christmas cookies?”

 

Now was her chance. It was too dark to see much, but she felt certain Kagome had someone in bed with her in addition to the dog-shaped mound by her feet.

 

Oberon's thumping tail jarred them awake. Kagome buried her face in the pillow and groaned. “Nooooooo.”

 

Sesshoumaru's head appeared over Kagome's shoulder.

 

Rin smiled and waved at him. His wink made her smile harder; she didn't think he even knew how to wink. “Can you guys get up now so we can open presents?”

 

Kagome stretched her neck to look at the digital clock. “Bunny, it's only five. We can't get your grandparents up this early. I can't get up this early. Go back to bed.”

 

The arrangement was that the five of them would spend the day together, beginning with gifts and a big breakfast. Mrs. Taisho declared that Kagome and Rin's tree had a more personal touch and their living room was cozier, and she and Mr. Taisho would be over between seven and seven-thirty. Their gifts had already been brought over and stowed under the tree; it was all settled. Kagome was touched, flattered, and plagued by nerves. The Taishos knew about her and Sesshoumaru's relationship, but she set for herself the impossible standard of perfection as Christmas host, cleaning obsessively and planning gourmet meals.

 

She was so nervous the night before that Sesshoumaru, much to his enjoyment, was forced to distract and calm her with a massage that, spurred by her encouraging demands, became longer and increasingly erotic.

 

She had relaxed under his talented hands, telling him how to touch her and trying not to think about last Saturday morning, the morning after the night she spent at the big house. She had gotten up to let the dog out, whispering entreaties to every god she could think of that no one else was up yet. Of course, her luck didn't run that way. Both Taishos and Rin were in the kitchen, waiting for the coffee cake that was baking in the oven. She felt like she was sporting a tattoo across her forehead that read I was having sex with your son twenty minutes ago. The inviting odor of cinnamon and coffee smelled like her own guilt, and she wished she could curl up and disappear. Mr. Taisho was the one to break the ice and put her out of her misery. “May I offer you a cup of coffee, Kagome?” he asked with an amused twinkle in his eye. Kagome didn't trust her inner poise enough to know she wouldn't turn bright red when her lover's parents came over to celebrate Christmas…especially after the things she was telling him to do to her.

 

“I can't,” Rin said, employing The Look. “I'm awake.”

 

Kagome sighed and glanced at Sesshoumaru, who nodded. She had warned him that the addition of Rin sometime in the wee hours was a distinct possibility. “Sweetie, if you promise to try to go to sleep, you can come in here and cuddle with us.”

 

Rin jumped up, grinning like a maniac. Kagome and Sesshoumaru parted and made way for her to burrow beneath the covers and absorb their warmth and nearness. She loved her grandparents and looked forward to their trip, but nothing made her happier than to be ensconced between her two favorite people, replicating the feeling she had when with her Mommy and Daddy. They weren't exactly the same as her parents, but she knew they were as close as she would ever get again. The Christmas wish told to Santa had almost been achieved.

 

“Rin,” Sesshoumaru said gently when she quit wiggling, “I plan to start spending more time here from now on. Is that okay with you?”

 

The question was like being asked if cake and ice cream were acceptable substitutes for lunch. Kagome snorted. Rin simply nodded and smooshed her face into his chest and the soft white hair that fell over his shoulder.

 

“Such an affectionate head-butt,” Kagome said, adjusting the quilt so Rin was covered up. “Merry Christmas, you two. I'm going back to sleep.”

 

Sesshoumaru was used to his alarm clock going off early and didn't try to fall asleep. Instead he recalled his brother's words. I just stare at them and love them and think that I'm the luckiest bastard who's ever existed. He watched as Rin closed her eyes and fumbled for Kagome; he watched Kagome instinctively draw her closer, protective and comforting. Their breathing slowed and they settled back into sleep, the woman and child, so connected to each other. But rather than feel like a voyeur or intruder, he felt like he belonged…to them and with them.

 

I think you should marry Kagome.

 

Rin's words echoed in his mind. Perhaps I should, he thought. The idea of long-term commitment with her was appealing. A year ago, he would never have imagined spending his life with a woman like Kagome—someone so different, both in upbringing and personality—but now the thought of living without her made him extremely uncomfortable. He remembered a Scarlet column that he had read months before. Is this face the last thing I want to see when I fall asleep and the first thing I see when I wake? Is this person so special that I want to grow old with her? He realized he couldn't fathom a future without her as an active, intimate participant. She was more than special; she was irreplaceable.

 

However, Kagome was a great unknown quantity. They had been making steady progress in their relationship and were both happy, but he feared a marriage proposal would be a giant step forward, one that she was not ready to make, one that would send her fleeing away again.

 

XxXxX

 

Kagome glided in and out of her living room, refilling coffee cups before the last few presents were opened. She was pleased with how the morning had gone.

 

They had been prepared when the Taishos came at twenty after seven—the tree lights were plugged in, Windham Hill Celtic Christmas music played softly in the background, and coffee was brewing. Awkwardness was kept to a minimum, largely to due Mrs. Taisho's innate graciousness and Rin's exuberance. Kagome realized they didn't disapprove of the fact that Sesshoumaru, with his untidy hair and bare feet, had obviously slept there, and with that realization she was able to relax and truly enjoy their company. The guests and the hosts made themselves comfortable, Oberon surprising everyone by lying in front of Mr. Taisho and resting his huge canine head on the man's foot. As the morning played out it became more familiar, like the family Christmas Kagome recognized…minus Inuyasha and Kikyou, but warm, friendly, and full of cheer.

 

Rin had the biggest pile of gifts, receiving the expected trove of toys, books, doll clothes, art supplies. Oddly, the dog had the second largest quantity—bones, squeaky toys, a huge new dog bed from the Taishos so, it was explained, when Kagome wasn't home, he could spend more time at the big house.

 

“No point in him being all alone,” Mr. Taisho said. It seemed to Kagome that the dog and the older man adored each other, and she wickedly thought of getting Mr. Taisho an I Love My Granddog t-shirt.

 

Kagome had given the Taishos two framed photographs. One was a color print of Inuyasha and Kikyou sipping champagne at their wedding and one was a black and white of Inuyasha and infant Rin napping together. She hadn't originally intended to include the first, but after spending time with Mrs. Taisho, she understood they had no resentments, only genuine regret and curiosity about her sister, and they would welcome a picture of their son with his wife on their wedding day. They had given her a Coach patchwork bag with nickel hardware that made her swoon. It was a beautiful piece, and her thanks were heartfelt. Sesshoumaru gave his father cufflinks and his mother earrings, both topaz, Rin's birthstone, set in platinum. From his parents he received a leather gym bag and a two-seat spring season subscription to the opera.

 

“Well, we're almost done,” Kagome said, looking playfully at Sesshoumaru. “I have one more gift and it's for you.”

 

“Can me and Uncle Sesshoumaru give you ours first?” Rin, sitting on her uncle's lap, asked.

 

Kagome accepted the lumpy flat box, eying it with a raised brow. “It's the wrong size to be a replacement robe…”

 

Sesshoumaru laughed softly. He had taunted her the past few mornings that her tacky robe needed to die a quick, painless death. “You don't know how much I wanted to.”

 

She smiled and tore open the paper. “A paddleball!” she squealed. “Yomega eXtreme! Oh my god…you guys are the best!”

 

Sesshoumaru and Rin looked at each other and grinned. “Let's see a demonstration of these skills you purportedly have,” he said.

 

Kagome gathered her dignity and stood. “I haven't done this in at least a year, so I may be rusty.” She started tapping the ball, gained confidence, and quickly began doing tricks—direction changes, switching of hands, behind her back. “Admit it,” she said. “I rule.”

 

“Let me try!” Rin said, running to join the fun.

 

Kagome positioned her hand and showed her how to flick her wrist, but Rin scowled at her lack of quick success. It was definitely harder than it looked. “Takes a lot of practice, honey,” she said. She knew Rin had to be getting hungry and hoped to avoid a meltdown brought on by the tragic combination of an empty belly and frustration. “Would you like to give your Uncle his gift from us?”

 

Rin abandoned the toy without a thought and got the last present from under the tree. It was wrapped neatly, the size of a large shoe box.

 

“It isn't a robe, is it?” Sesshoumaru asked as he wrapped the box. Kagome had accused him of having an unconscionable lack of dogs playing poker and dogs playing pool in his wardrobe and hinted she had done something about it.

 

Kagome looked away with as much feigned nonchalance as she could muster, secretly watching his face to see his reaction.

 

Inside the box was a twill-weave wool scarf, dark gray with a subtle pattern of gold running through. “Did you make this?”

 

Kagome nodded. “Hand-spun and hand-woven. Do you like it?” she asked anxiously. “Rin helped me choose the colors.”

 

He lifted the scarf from the box and fingered the fibers, luxuriously soft and smooth. It was perfect. “Very much. Thank you.”

 

“You're welcome. I noticed your Burberry plaid was looking a little frayed.”

 

“I'm hungry,” Rin announced, bored with talk of clothing and accessories. “What's for breakfast?”

 

Kagome ruffled the girl's unruly hair. “Belgian waffles with candied almonds and pomegranate syrup and tempeh bacon.”

 

Rin was good with any food that had `candied' as a prefix and she had approved the syrup when Kagome made it the day before. But tempeh bacon sounded like something her mother would have made and her father would have gagged on. “What's that kind of bacon?”

 

Kagome was aware that Mr. Taisho was on a restricted diet because of his past heart attack and had deliberately chosen a low-fat meat alternative. “It tastes just like the real thing. Okay that's a lie,” she confessed, shaking her head. “It tastes nothing like bacon. But it's good. Okay, edible. Very edible,” she added, her voice rising in pitch. “Anyone want Baileys with their coffee? Or a Screwdriver? I've got orange juice.” Her doubts about the menu had resurfaced.

 

“Kagome, let me help you,” Rose said. She laid a hand on her husband's knee before he could stand. “You and Sesshoumaru stay here and…talk,” she said pointedly. “Rin, come into the kitchen with us.”

 

Mrs. Taisho had been carefully poking her husband, encouraging him to talk with Sesshoumaru before they left on their trip. The death of their younger son convinced her that necessary conversations should not be postponed. He didn't disagree that the talk needed to happen, but he was a proud, closed person with an intense dislike of uncomfortable, uncontrolled situations, and their son was made the same way. However, sometimes shit needed to be disturbed in order to move on, and Mrs. Taisho, knowing they both would prefer to never bring up the past, decided to agitate. In a refined, passive-aggressive way, of course. She made her exit, leaving them to carry on.

 

Ken Taisho, alone with his son and lacking any business-related topic to bring up, took a deep breath. “You seem happy. She's a delightful girl,” he said after a minute of silence.

 

Sesshoumaru, immediately suspicious of his mother's convenient exit and father's discomfit, had no intentions of being cooperative in discussing his private life. “Yes, it's been nice to see Christmas from a child's perspective.”

 

“I meant Kagome,” Ken said dryly, “though I suspect you know that.” He shifted in his chair and stood, wishing he had taken Kagome up on her offer of an alcoholic beverage—it would have been worth the look of disapproval that he was sure to earn from his wife. “Years ago, I would have told you, you could do better.”

 

“Years ago, I would have cared about your opinions regarding my personal life.”

 

Touché, Mr. Taisho thought. “I'm glad we are different people now.”

 

The statement was as close to an admission of being mistaken as Sesshoumaru had ever heard from his father. He went to stand by him. Though his relationship with Kagome had nothing to do with his parents, he was relieved they didn't disapprove. “So am I. I am glad we've moved on.”

 

Ken Taisho knew they had reached some satisfying connection and he could let the matter drop. He also knew his wife would find the exchange inadequate. It was inadequate. He turned and looked at his son, so like him in too many ways. “Sesshoumaru…” He paused and wished for the perfect words to bridge the years of silence. They were surprisingly simple. “I'm sorry.”

 

Sesshoumaru felt blindsided. This wasn't about Kagome; it was about their past, something he'd prefer to leave ignored and buried. “Father—”

 

“It's too late for me to say the things I should have said to your brother, and I regret that every day. But it's not too late for us. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I tried to control you when you were eighteen. It was wrong of me to dictate your decisions about your own future when I should have been supportive of you.” He waited, hoping Sesshoumaru wouldn't tell him to stop. “I'm more sorry that I sent you away when you were young. Aside from shutting Inuyasha out of our lives, it was the biggest mistake of my life.”

 

The scab, now scratched open, revealed the hurt and sadness that he had attempted to repress for so long. “Why did you?” Sesshoumaru asked, voice straining and hands clenched around the coffee cup in an effort to keep them from shaking. “I wasn't a bad kid.”

 

The look of hurt on his son's face tore at him. “No. You weren't. Neither was your brother,” he said. He stared out the window at the sky, which was just beginning to lighten. Now that he had started, the apology felt natural, like the words had been in his mouth for years. “I can't explain myself other than to tell you that I was afraid. My wife was ill and I didn't know what to do, and that scared me to death. I thought I was doing the right thing to help her. I thought she would get better. I thought it was temporary. I understand now I was foolish in thinking that I could solve the problem on my own. My patriarchal pride didn't want to admit how damaged my own family had become and that this was something I couldn't fix. I was wrong, and you suffered. I'm sorry.”

 

Sesshoumaru was appalled that pain he had kept tightly under control for years was so dangerously able to rattle him. “I still have nightmares,” he said quietly. “I still wake up in the middle of the night, convinced I'm ten years old and haunted by rejection and loneliness.”

 

Ken sighed sharply. “Sesshoumaru, if I could do anything to change the past, I would. For years I tried to excuse myself by taking your success as proof that in the long run it was for the best. You received the best education money could buy; you had opportunities only available to elites. Deep down, I knew better. I took your childhood, your family away from you, and I'll always be guilty of that sin. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I've waited this long to tell you.”

 

Sesshoumaru had never expected to hear those words and was unprepared for his reaction. They were just words, after all, but those words gave him acknowledgement and permission to feel hurt, and with that came the first steps toward closure. He laid a hand on his father's shoulder. “I forgive you.”

 

The two men embraced, tightly and for a long time, interrupted by the sounds of Rose and Kagome sobbing.

 

“It would seem we have a couple of eavesdroppers,” Ken said. He grinned like he hadn't in years. “Your mother…she's a force to be reckoned with. I'm glad she insisted I not hide from this conversation.”

 

Sesshoumaru looked over his shoulder at his mother and Kagome in the kitchen, wiping their tears and trying to pretend they weren't listening. Rin rolled her eyes at them. “So am I,” he said.

 

XxXxX

 

The remainder of Christmas was pleasant. They played with Rin's new toys and dressed her dollies. Sesshoumaru went outside to teach Oberon to fetch one of his new toys, much to Kagome's patronizing disbelief. She was of the opinion that the dog was incapable of retrieving, and Sesshoumaru was determined to prove her wrong. Dinner was game hens and braised root vegetables, followed by a chocolate cake Mrs. Taisho brought, and they finished the day with How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Nightmare before Christmas.

 

Now, Kagome and Sesshoumaru were alone, enjoying the soft light from the tree and sharing a bottle of wine as music played in the background. Rin was spending the night at the big house, her little suitcase was packed, and Sesshoumaru was set to drive her and his parents to the airport early the next morning to catch their six thirty flight.

 

“I'm trying to decide if I want to wake up with you at five or if I want to stay asleep,” Kagome said. “Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I want to say goodbye to Rin at the airport. She's so excited…I hope she's able to sleep tonight.” She laid her head on his shoulder. “I'm going to miss her.”

 

“It's only for five days, but I'm going to miss her too,” he said as he ran his fingers through her hair. “She's an amazing child.”

 

“So. You and your dad had a talk.” She decided the best way to combat melancholy was a change of subject. “Are you okay?” she asked gently.

 

“I'm fine.” He pulled her closer. The conversation with his father hadn't been easy on either man, but he already felt things between them were lighter, as if they had swept away ancient egg shells that had been so much a part of fabric of their relationship they didn't realize how chronically on edge they had become.

 

Kagome searched his eyes. He didn't want to talk about it, and she accepted that. It was enough to see him less guarded, less careful. She kissed him. “Time brings healing, but no more so than forgiveness does.”

 

They stayed quiet, lightly touching and listening to Handel's Messiah. “This is my favorite chorus,” Kagome said when the sopranos began singing And he shall purify.

 

“Hm…mine too.”

 

“I have something else to give you,” they said simultaneously.

 

“You first,” Kagome blurted out. She had doubted that he would let Christmas get by with only giving her an inexpensive toy, especially after their mutual declarations of love, but hoped it was nothing extravagant. It wasn't that she was uncomfortable with the Taishos' wealth and it wasn't that their relationship was new; she had merely hoped he went for something personal, rather than something showy and impressive.

 

Sesshoumaru rose and got a gift bag hidden under his coat.

 

Kagome held her breath and pulled out a hardcover book, The Painted Body Kama Sutra, A Photographic Reverie. “Ooo I don't have this one,” she said, smiling and visibly relieved. “Yay! Something for my collection.” She turned the pages slowly, looking at the familiar poses that always struck her as so new and amazing with each different version. This one was less the classic advice book and instruction manual than an essay of countless color photos of nude couples entirely covered in bright, fantastical body paint, demonstrating the positions. The images were gorgeous, sensual and elegant with an artistic polish and almost dream-like quality. It was perfect. “These photographs are breathtaking. Thank you.” She reached under the coffee table and came up with a gift-wrapped box, similar to one containing the scarf. She would peruse the book more thoroughly later. “Now you.”

 

Sesshoumaru opened it to see flannel dogs playing poker and dogs playing pool. He looked at her and was unsurprised to see an impish expression.

 

“You couldn't possibly think, after all the crap you've given me about my robe, that I wouldn't do this. Your comment the other morning…I quote, `I can't decide if it is the general repulsiveness, the kitsch on principle, or the shabbiness that I find more distasteful.' It's like you were begging me to make you this. And they're pajama pants by the way, not a robe.”

 

He shook his head to silence a laugh. “I suppose I should be grateful that the print isn't sports cars.” He set the box aside. He was accustomed to her sense of cheeky humor by now, if not utterly and completely turned on by it. “Come tomorrow morning it's going to be quiet around here.”

 

Kagome took his cue and set her gift next to his. “How will we ever occupy ourselves?” She climbed on his lap, her legs straddling his hips. She began to undo the buttons on his shirt as she kissed her way up his neck, nibbling skin and coaxing content sounds from him. “You know…I've not done all the positions in this book. That's something we could do to pass the time.” She pressed against the growing bulge in his pants with slow, tantalizing circles. “You should count your lucky stars I do yoga on a semi-regular basis. Some of those positions require a lot of flexibility.”

 

“I consider myself beyond lucky,” he said, easing her sweater up to trace the path of her spine up to her bra strap, which was deftly unhooked. The motions of her hips and the sensations her teasing mouth were creating in him proved that statement wasn't an exaggeration. “I don't doubt we'll find ways to pass the time.”

 

“I've got some body paint,” she whispered. “We could take pictures—”

 

“No.” His hands captured her round breasts, squeezing firmly. “No paint. No pictures.”

 

Kagome moaned and felt like she was turning to mush at his not too gentle, not too harsh treatment. There was a time in her life when she wouldn't have been able to handle anything but the most benign of erotic caresses. She was glad she had found someone to trust and put it behind her. “I'd accuse you of being boring, but that would be a total lie.” She eased his shirt down his shoulders and palmed the smooth skin, exploring his muscled arms and chest. She bent her head down and let her mouth follow her hands.

 

“What?” he asked. He thought he heard her stifling a giggle.

 

She laughed. “Man nipples. So useless, so fun.” And so sensitive, she thought with a smirk as she played her tongue around a hardening nub and switched to the other side. The responses her aggressive little bites were wringing from him were utterly arousing. “You could let me tie you up. No photographic evidence, I promise.”

 

“Good god, Kagome,” he panted. The combination of her body and her mouth and the ideas racing through his mind made him feel like he was falling, out of control. He liked it more than he cared to admit. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”

 

Her heart froze. He never swore. “I'm sorry,” she said, straightening. After the anal play of the night before, she thought he would be receptive to light bondage and felt horrible that she suggested something that made him uncomfortable. “Do you want me to stop? If kinky talk is too much—”

 

“No.” He stroked her chin so she would look at him. “I don't want you to stop.” He had had his share of women in his bed, but never the same woman for more than a handful of occurrences and had scant real experience with the more adventurous, less vanilla side of sex. “Don't be afraid of scaring me off. I'm not as prudish as you may think I am.” He drew her close and claimed her mouth, kisses greedy and demanding.

 

“Sesshoumaru,” she asked when they finally parted, “can I tell you a secret?”

 

He nodded and brushed the hair from her face, opening her, exposing them.

 

“I like the missionary position…with you,” she said, blushing. “I like your weight on me. I like to look at you and feel you and smell you. I like to hold you and wrap my legs around yours. You never make me feel I'm passive or beneath you. I know that sex position is thought of as boring…I hope you don't think so.”

 

“Kagome…nothing about you could ever be boring.”

 

“Wanna spend the night?”

 

“I thought we had already established that as a given.”

 

She smiled, awkwardness gone. “It's still fun to ask. I think we should let the dog out and unplug the lights and turn off Messiah. We should get ready for bed and you should model those PJs for me…I need to make sure the length is right. Then I will slowly peel them off you and I'm sure you can figure out what comes next.”

 

“Based on recent conversation, either missionary sex or you tying me up.”

 

She laughed and hugged him tightly. “They aren't necessarily incompatible.” She had a vision of him, his wrists chained to her headboard, pounding her into lust-filled oblivion from above. “That can wait. Tonight I want your hands free. I want you to touch me.” She kissed him. “Merry Christmas, Sesshoumaru.”

 

He adjusted her arms around his neck and walked toward the bedroom, making sure those long legs were twined around his hips. Lights, dog, music could wait an hour.

 

A/N

 

I do not own Inuyasha. I do not own Windham Hill, Coach, Yomega eXtreme, Baileys, How the Grinch Stole Christmas or The Nightmare before Christmas. Thank you for reading. Reviews, as always, are very much appreciated.