InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Darkness Before Dawn ❯ Hiding ( Chapter 16 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Half an hour passed before the couple exited the small office looking decidedly more at ease with each other.  Kagome's hair had been pulled from the neat braid and Inuyasha's shirt was more wrinkled than it was before they entered.

"All better?" Miroku asked with a knowing smirk when they returned to the lounge.

"Most definitely," Inuyasha retorted with a satisfied smile.  

"You two are awful," Sango chided the men.  "If Kagome's face gets any redder she may burn away to ashes!"  

The group laughed off the potentially awkward moment before resuming their meeting.  "Okay," Inuyasha began, “What's the dress code for this shindig?"

"According to my boss it's a casual affair,” Sango informed him.

"Great!  That means we can use those damn t-shirts Yuka had made for us," he supplied with a grimace.

Kagome smiled at his expression.  "They aren't that bad, Inuyasha."

Miroku retrieved one of the garments from the box on the floor next to him and held it up.  "Honestly, Kagome, what man do you know wears hot pink?"

Sango giggled at his petulant tone.  "She got them cheap and thought they would be a great way to promote our band.  Cut the poor girl some slack!  She's a college kid with a part time waitressing gig!"

"You know," Kagome inserted with a contemplative look on her face, "we should see if we can do this at the club."

"I'm NOT wearing this at the club!" Inuyasha and Miroku shouted in unison.

"No, that's not what I'm suggesting," Kagome told them in exasperation.  "I meant maybe we could sell them.  Think about it: what better way to promote our band than with walking billboards?"

Inuyasha's eyes lit up with excitement.  "That's a great idea, Babe!  He pulled her into a quick kiss that left the singer breathless.  "Can you have Koga handle it?"

"Actually, I was thinking...."  Kagome hedged.

"About?"

"Well, if we are serious about moving this band into the big leagues, we are going to need an agent."  She raised hopeful eyes to the other couple, silently pleading for support.

Miroku joined in with a smile.  "She's right, Inuyasha.  We can't continue to exploit Koga like we did Sunday."

"We're going to need someone to actually talk to the recording companies when we cut that demo," Sango supplied.

"And we're going to be too busy with writing new material and compositions to knock on the radio stations doors for airtime," Kagome prodded.

"All right! I get the point," Inuyasha relented with a sigh.  "Tell the asshole I'll meet with him on Sunday."  

Kagome smiled brilliantly.  "Thank you!  I promise you won't regret it."

"I already do," he muttered.  "Now, can we get back to the play list?  'Sorrow' is a definite."  Inuyasha's lips turned up at the corners as he remembered snippets of the passionate way the argument with Kagome had concluded.  "Any other requests?"

"We should end with Bye, Bye Beautiful," Sango offered.  "You two blew me away with that song at the club!"

Miroku nodded.  "That was an impressive performance."

Inuyasha penned the song in the last spot.  "What else?"

"Amaranth," Kagome suggested, "then Whisper."

Inuyasha wrote them down on the list.  "Two more," he told them.  "Personally I think we should do Whoever Brings the Night."

"That one's still a little rough around the edges," the drummer commented.  "We could pull it off for the club next week, but I'm not comfortable with it for tomorrow."

"We could do the Gothic Angel cover," Sango chimed in.  "It's easy enough to polish by tonight."

"Agreed," Inuyasha said as he wrote it down.  "How about Bring Me To Life?"

"NO!"  Kagome cried.  At the curious looks from her band mates.  "No fan favorites with Kikyo," she explained.  "I just wouldn't feel right doing a 'signature' song that was hers."

"That's fair," Miroku assured her.  "Unfortunately we don't have much new material that's ready for tomorrow."  He contemplated their options for a moment before continuing.  "Do we have to do five songs?"

"That's what she asked for," Sango informed him.

"Hmm...."  The drummer leaned forward and addressed Kagome.  "Do you think that perhaps you could learn one of our old songs by tomorrow?"

Kagome frowned.  "Not that one!"

"No, no, not that one," he crooned.  "I was thinking of something a little different and a bit easier."

"Which one?" Inuyasha queried.

"Lithium."

"No way!  We only did that here because of the heavy piano in it," he protested.

"Hear me out, Inuyasha," he begged.  "Sango, what are the odds this reception hall has a piano?"

"Considering it serves as a piano bar twice a week?"

"Fantastic!  Piano problem solved."

"No," Inuyasha protested, "not solved.  Who's gonna play it?"

Kagome asked, "Do you have the music handy?"

Inuyasha turned to her.  "Well, yeah, but-"

"Then let's try it.  If we can use the piano there, I can do it."  At the skeptical look he gave her, she said, "At least let me try?  If it doesn't work out, we can just apologize and let her know we only have four songs ready."

After an hour of sitting with Kagome and helping her through the music of the song, he told the other's to get ready to play.  Kagome decided now would be the perfect opportunity to set up one of the wireless headsets to show them the advantages of them.  Once everyone was set and Kagome was seated back at the piano, Inuyasha flipped the power switch.

When Miroku tapped out a soft rhythm with his sticks Kagome slid her fingers gently over the ivory keys as she began to sing.  Her voice wafted through the speakers with all the desolation she could muster.  She realized that the song was less about the drug, as she had first thought, but the addiction of sorrow.  It was a feeling she knew only too well.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels withoutLithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow Oh.... but, God! I want to let it go


The others joined in at the end of her vow with a haunting intensity; Inuyasha's bold chord rang throughout the building as Miroku pounded the short rhythm.  Lasting for only a few measures, Kagome continued to move her fingers fluidly into the next verse with the soft background melody of the others.  Her tone begged an unseen lover for understanding through this difficult period in her life.   

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone Couldn’t hide the emptiness, you let it show Never wanted it to be so cold Just didn't drink enough to say you love me

She leaned into the pattern of her playing, letting the delicate rhythm sweep her into this dark and confusing world.  The lyrics practically mirrored her own feelings of desolation, and she momentarily wondered what had caused Inuyasha so much pain to put it to music.  

I can't hold on to meWonder what's wrong with me
Hadn't she been asking herself these questions for the past week?  Each time Inuyasha had made a move forward, Kagome had determinately taken two steps back.  Even with the advice of her therapist, she couldn't seem to come to terms with this new development in her life.  She desperately wanted to explore her feelings for Inuyasha, but she couldn't let go of Shiro; in her mind that would be a sacrilege to the years he had devoted to her.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up insideLithium, don't want to forget how it feels withoutLithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow
The tempo increased in volume and intensity and Kagome struggled to match it with the piano.  Her finger strokes went from graceful to powerful, nearly pounding the keys to make the chords heard above the amplified guitars.  However, her voice carried through with all the anger and desperation she felt in that moment, images of Shiro's funeral and Inuyasha's embraces flashing through her mind.  

Don't want to let it lay me down this time Drown my will to fly Here in the darkness I know myself Can't break free until I let it go Let me go Kagome wasn't entirely sure what she was seeking to let go: Her memories or her feelings of confusion.  She knew that eventually she would have to decide, but for now she would have to simply continue on.  With a new determination, the singer decided to follow Nagani-san's advice.  The strength of her will would keep her from falling into absolute despair, and for now that would be enough.  

The tempo eased again leaving just the simple melody of the piano flowing through the speakers.  Inuyasha watched Kagome, wondering what was running through her mind as he saw the emotions flicker and fade across her face.  This song exposed more of his tortured soul than he thought possible.  He knew she would have questions, but hopefully he could skirt around them for the time being.  

Darling, I forgive you after all Anything is better than to be alone And in the end I guess I had to fall Always find my place among the ashes

The force of the music built once more with the strength of her desire to try again.  Kagome felt free from the shackles of her grief for just an instant, letting the fledgling hope of a future with Inuyasha shine through the darkness.  Shiro's warmth wrapped around her then, plunging her heart back into a state of chaos.  He had loved her, devoted his life and his career to her!  How could she ever dream of letting that go to be with another man?

I can't hold on to me Wonder what's wrong with me

Tears of frustration leaked from her eyes as her powerful voice resonated through the room.  Shiro told her to let the dawn break over her, but- after living in darkness for so long- she was afraid.  Yet whenever she was in Inuyasha's presence she felt a calm wash over her that was unlike anything she'd experienced.  He had a way of soothing her fears and anxiety with nothing more than a look or a touch.  That feeling was nearly as addicting as the shadowy world she lived in.


Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels withoutLithium, stay in love with you Oh I'm gonna let it go


The players halted just before the last line, letting her desperate vow echo off the concrete walls.  Kagome wiped the tears from her face and smiled weakly at them.  "Well?"

Sango's radiant smile said it all.  "I don't think I've ever heard it sound better!"

"Bravo, Kagome!" Miroku shouted from behind the massive drum set.

Inuyasha just stared at her.  He felt like his heart had just been ripped from his chest.  In all the times they had performed this song in the past, he had never had this strong of a reaction.  It had merely been an outlet to his grief after....  

Once the song had been written and they began playing it, the pain had eased.  However, Kagome's soulful rendition had brought forth not only his remembered anguish, but he could almost feel the confusion rolling off her in waves.

The reason he had written this song was now overshadowed by the fear and uncertainty that filled her expressive brown eyes as she looked at him.  Somewhere deep inside of him he knew it wasn't because she was afraid they wouldn't approve.  No, this went beyond the song, beyond its meaning.  She was struggling with her feelings for him and the anxiety of letting go of her tragic past.  He set the guitar aside and left the stage without saying a word.  

Kagome watched Inuyasha's long, determined stride as he approached with trepidation in her heart.  She warred with herself over her reaction to the lyrics.  She was unsure if it was possible to embrace the light this wonderful man offered her because of the darkness in her heart.  Was it really fair to him to let this continue?  Should she just set this whole affair aside and return to the comfortable shell of emptiness that she knew so well?

Inuyasha drew the trembling singer into a loose embrace.  He stroked her hair tenderly and whispered, "It's all right, Kagome.  I promise we'll get through this."

Kagome buried her head in his chest and wept.  "I don’t think I can do this," she said morosely.  "It hurts too much.  I feel like I'm being torn apart!"

"Give us a chance, Angel," he begged while his heart beat frantically in his chest.  "I need you."  The whispered admission felt like it was torn from his very soul.  "I don't want to lose you, not when I've waited so long to find you."  

"But how can I forget-"

"I'm not asking you to forget.  I'm just asking you to let me in a little," he said, his voice hoarse with desperation.  “Let me help you, Kagome."

"What if you can't?" She sniffled a bit as she raised tear-filled eyes to his.  "I don't want to hurt you.  You deserve better than this."

He smiled warmly at her.  "Why don't you let me decide what I do and don't deserve.  And if you are worried about hurting me, let me tell you that if you leave me now the pain would be unbearable."

Kagome wiped the tears away and stepped back from his embrace.  She noticed Sango and Miroku staring at them curiously and flushed red in embarrassment.  "Maybe we should talk about this later?" she suggested shyly.

Inuyasha nodded reluctantly.  "I don't think we should do this song," he told her softly.

Kagome was astonished.  "I know it wasn't very good, but I'm sure if I just work on it a little more we'll have it ready by tonight!"

"That's not it, Angel," he sighed.  "I don't think I'm ready to hear you sing it again!"  A shadow of pain crossed his features and he looked away.

She looked over and saw the other couple making a silent exit from the stage.  Sango waved at them and led Miroku toward the door.  Kagome looked up at his profile for a moment before turning his face toward hers again.  "What is it, Inuyasha?"

"It's nothing," he insisted harshly.  

"If it was nothing you wouldn't be barking at me like that!"

"Keh!"  The guitarist moved away from her.  "Just drop it, Kagome."

"I won't," she insisted stubbornly.  "How are we supposed to 'work through this' if you won't talk to me?"

"It's only going to piss you off and I would rather avoid a fight about it!" he shouted and clenched his fists at his sides in an attempt to control his temper.  

Kagome moved to stand in front of him again.  "Tell me!"

"You really want to know?" he snarled.  Inuyasha looked down at the determined set of her jaw and the fire that blazed in her eyes.  She wanted the truth, well that was fine with him! "I'm a selfish asshole, Kagome.  I want you all to myself, all day everyday!  I want to make you happy!"  His tone softened at the shocked expression on her face.  "I want to hold you, kiss you, and just be with you.  It's frustrating when you keep pulling away from me.  I kind of understand why you do it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less."

"Inuyasha, I'm sorry," she whispered.  "I'm trying-"

"No you aren't," he snapped.  "The only time you are even remotely open to me is when we are alone!  I've asked you out to dinner every night this week, yet you make excuses or say you'd rather just spend some time alone at my place.  What's the real reason you don't want to be seen with me?"

Busted, her mind taunted.  "It's not like that," Kagome protested to both her own thought and his accusation.  "It's not that I don't want to be seen with you, Inuyasha, I just don't want to be seen!  Just because the reporters aren't crowding around my building these days doesn't mean they don't remember me, or want to ask me questions!"

"Are you going to hide in your glass tower forever?"  he asked flatly.  "Or are you going to take your life back?"  He grabbed her shoulders to get her full attention.  "You're a strong, beautiful woman, Kagome.  Why not show them that there is life beyond the tragedy?"

"Because they don't know about the tragedy!" Kagome yelled.  "As far as the entertainment world is concerned, I simply disappeared.  None of them knew about my engagement to Shiro; they only knew that he was my manager and my friend.  There was always speculation, but we managed to keep it a secret from the inquiring masses."

Inuyasha's eyes widened at the startling confession.  He now had a better understanding why Kagome wanted to avoid being recognized, but that made him more determined to win this fight.  "You can't lock yourself away forever, Kagome.  What are you going to do when we take this little act to the next level?  People are bound to recognize your voice sooner or later, baby."

Panic swelled in Kagome's chest.  "I never thought about that....."  What would she do if that happened?  She'd always thought that the mask and the different style of music would effectively deter anyone from ever making the connection between the Dark Angel and Higurashi Kagome the washed out pop star.  

"You were the one that said we needed an agent," he reminded her.  "That tells me that some small part of you wants to make it just as badly as we do.  Am I wrong?"

Kagome moved to the lounge area and sat on the arm of the couch.  Was he right?  Did she really want to return to that world?  Her heart cried with a resounding YES!

However, it wasn't the thought of fame and fortune that lured her back.  None of that had ever really appealed to her in the first place.  No, this time it wasn't for her love of music, or her quest for acceptance in a world beyond her own backyard.  Kagome lifted her eyes to Inuyasha's burning amber gaze and informed him, "I want to prove to them I can do it."

Inuyasha crouched in front of her and took her hands in his.  "Prove what to whom?" he asked softly.  

"I want to prove to everyone who stopped believing in me that I can follow through with my dream!" she declared triumphantly.

"Your dream?" he quizzed with an arched eyebrow.

Kagome smiled wryly at him.  "Okay, with our dream."

"That's better," he chuckled.    Tracing the line of her jaw with a fingertip, Inuyasha's tone turned serious.  "I know I said I wouldn't rush things, Kagome, but I can't help but feel we're moving backwards at times.  How can we ever move forward if you continue to hide from the world?"

Kagome sighed.  "I was never very good at dealing with the press.  They intimidated me with all their personal questions and I always felt so exposed when they swarmed around me like flies.  Shiro and Koga had both been my shield from them.  After Shiro died, they were like sharks after a fresh kill, everyone wanted to know how I felt, if I was returning to the studio.  One even asked me if Koga was involved!  She was working the 'tragic love triangle' story.  Can you believe that?" she cried incredulously before shaking her head.  "That's when I started hiding my appearance in public.  I've done it for so long I guess its second nature now."

"All I want is to take you out on a real date.  Nothing fancy, just a day for us to be with each other and have some fun.  Do you think you can do that?"

"I think I can try," Kagome stressed.  

Inuyasha kissed her softly and whispered, "I can live with that.  How about Sunday night?  Maybe we can get the other two to join us if that would make you feel better?"

Kagome beamed at him.  "Like a double date?"  She giggled at the girlish images that flashed through her mind.  "I haven't been on one of those since high school!"

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"  Inuyasha asked skeptically.

"Oh, that night was one of the most horribly embarrassing experiences of my life!" she replied with fondness in her tone.  "My friend's hooked me up with a guy that they thought had a crush on me in junior high because he was always giving me stuff to make me feel better."  At his odd look she explained, "I was a pretty sickly kid back then, and Hojo was a big health nut, always telling me about these organic home remedies that were way better than all the medicines the doctors were pumping into me.  It wasn't until I turned seventeen for me to actually become a believer!  He was totally right and my health improved by leaps and bounds my senior year."

Inuyasha was intrigued.  This was the first time Kagome had shared any part of her past that wasn't painful.  "I meant, did the guy like you or not?"

Kagome doubled over in laughter.  "He's gay!"  His shocked expression only made her laugh harder.  When she finally sobered enough to speak again, she continued.  "Nobody suspected it, but he told me while we were dancing.  He said he'd always respected me and he didn't want me to hang my hopes on something that would never be."

"That took a lot of guts," he said in awe.  "Wasn't he afraid of the others finding out?"

Kagome smiled sweetly.  "I swore that I wouldn't tell a soul until he was ready to tell them, and we've been friends ever since!  Maybe you'll get to meet him someday soon."

Inuyasha was about to tell her he'd like that when a strange voice rang through the building.  "Hello?  Where is everybody?  Sango?  Inuyasha?  Miroku?"  A girl with shoulder length black hair moved towards them.  "There you are," she called, quickening her pace.

"Oi! Yuka, what are you doing here?" Inuyasha questioned the girl.

"I came to drop off the latest copy of the fan club news letter for your approval," Yuka replied breathlessly.  "I was hoping to hear you guys practicing,” she pouted.  

Kagome's eyes widened in shock as she looked upon the infamous Yuka-chan.  "Oh my God!  Yuka?"

The girl’s soft brown eyes swiveled to the woman on the edge of the couch.  "Kagome?  Is that really you?" she cried in excitement then leapt at her long lost friend.  

Inuyasha cast questioning glances at the hugging women.  "I take it you know each other?"

"I can't believe this!" Kagome laughed, momentarily ignoring the guitarist.  "I was just telling Inuyasha about that wretched double date we went on!"

"You mean the one where Eri finally set you up with Hojo?"  She pulled away from Kagome slightly, yet was reluctant to let go of her.  "If only we'd known then what we know now!"

"HEY!" Inuyasha shouted, slightly miffed at the way they were going on without filling him in.  

Kagome flushed slightly at her rude behavior.  "Yuka and I went to school together, but we lost touch after our first year in college," she explained.

"Kagome here forgot all about us once Shiro stepped in the picture," the girl teased.

"I did not!  I sent all three of you tickets to each performance and got you passes to the gala...."  Kagome's voice faded away at the memory of that horrible night.

Yuka embraced the woman, hating to see that shadow of pain in her eyes again.  "I'm so sorry, Kagome.  Why didn't you ever call us after the funeral?"

Kagome backed away from her friend a bit and replied, "I didn't handle it very well, Yuka.  I didn't talk to anyone for almost three months.  It's a long story, one I really don't want to get into right now."  Plastering a smile on her face once more, she began to grill Yuka on her association with the group.  

Yuka giggled and said, "I was busting my ass waiting tables at Tiko's the first night they performed there.  I had a big thing for Miroku back then"

"Keh!" Inuyasha scoffed.  "Who are you trying to bullshit, Yuka?  You still have the hots for him!"

"I value my life, Inuyasha," she told him seriously.  "Sango's pretty damn scary when it comes to that man!"

The guitarist threw a comforting hand over the girl’s shoulders and informed her, "Well, you may as well hear it from a friend.  They officially hooked up."

Yuka's eyes flared in disbelief.  "No way!  When?"

"Best guess?  Just after the opening."

Just then the couple under discussion returned with four heavily laden bags of unknown content.  Miroku grinned broadly and yelled, "Yuka, my darling!  It's been far too long since I've gazed upon your beautiful-OW!"

"Damn pervert," Sango muttered as she brought the hefty sack back to her side.  A satisfied smirk played on her features as the drummer rubbed the now tender spot on his head.  Upon entering the lounge she deposited her bags and smiled at the girl.  "I'm so sorry, Yuka," she said, drawing her into a friendly hug.  "I totally forgot you were coming by today!  Did you bring the papers?"

"Sure did!  I got a great picture of you guys for the cover story!"  She pulled the papers out of the large envelope and presented them with a flourish.  "Chronicles from Hell" was plastered in large black typeset across the top, and beneath was the bold header "Hell's Redemption Conquers Blue Dragon".  Sango, Inuyasha and Miroku perused the image while Kagome peered over Yuka's shoulder.  The image in the center of the page showed the Dark Angel with her hands reaching out to the audience during the performance of Whisper.  

When they were done reading the article about the contest that resulted in their victory, Yuka asked, “Come on, guys.  When do I get to meet this great new singer?"

The three original band members exchanged anxious glances while trying to avoid looking directly at Kagome.  

"You're looking at her."  It took the singer all of ten seconds to make up her mind.  Inuyasha was right; someone was bound to make the connection sooner or later.  Who better to reveal her secret to than one of the four people she had shared her girlish confidences with throughout her childhood?

Inuyasha's eyes flared.  Too many emotions rolled through his mind, not the least of which was utter amazement.  Had Kagome really just revealed her secret?

"You're kidding me, right?" Yuka queried.

"Nope," Kagome chuckled.  "But you have to swear," she crossed her fisted hands at the wrists and held up her pinkies, “that you won't ever reveal it to anyone!  Not even Eri, Ayumi or Hojo."

The girl looked at her childhood friend, hesitating for just a moment before copying the gesture.  The girls chanted in unison, "If this promise e'er I break, I grant the Kamis my soul to take!"  They smiled affectionately at each other before erupting into a fit of girlish giggles.



Yuka had stayed for the rest of the rehearsal, simply awestruck at the transformation in Kagome.  She was so far removed from the gentle, carefree spirit of their school days it was almost like she was a different person.  During the dinner break, Miroku and Inuyasha had both confronted the girl about the disgraceful attire she had purchased, to which she replied, "Let's trade budgets for a day, fellas, and see what you can afford!  See if I ever buy anything for you guys again!"  The next hour had been spent 'altering' the offensive garments to everyone’s liking.  While Sango, Miroku and Yuka had gathered the scraps of discarded cloth, Inuyasha had dragged Kagome into the office to "help look for something".  A bewildered Kagome followed the mischievously smiling Inuyasha.

"All right you two," Yuka confronted the chuckling couple, "Lay the scoop on me!"

Miroku shot her a saccharine smile and said,  "We don't know what you're talking about, Yuka darling."

The investigative reporter in her wasn't nearly satisfied with that answer.  "Don't feed me that crap, Miroku dear.  In the three years I've know Inuyasha he's never stepped foot in that office without knowing exactly where everything is!  And I've seen those two shooting weird looks at each other all evening.  Spill it!"

"Honestly, Yuka," Sango replied with a heavy sigh, "it's not our story to tell."

Yuka pouted, but let the matter drop for now.  "Well, I should be going.  You guys have a busy day tomorrow and I have to report to the paper.  Internship sucks, let me tell you!"

Miroku walked across the building while Sango said her good-byes.  Knocking softly on the door, he leaned against the door frame and called out quietly, "Come up for air, you two.  Yuka's leaving."  He smiled when he heard Inuyasha's swearing and Kagome's giggles.  The door opened a moment later to reveal a grumbling, glaring Inuyasha and a blushing, smiling Kagome.  "Forget something," he mock whispered as they passed.

"What the fuck are you babbling about?" Inuyasha growled.

Miroku winked at Kagome before answering him.  "What ever 'it' was you two went hunting for in there."

Inuyasha glared harder at the smirking drummer, turned on his heel to re-enter the office, and grabbed some random papers from the desk.  As he moved past the man once more, he snarled, "Make one sound, Asshole, and I'll break your legs.  You don't have to walk to be able to play tomorrow," he provided in a cryptic tone.  He approached Yuka and returned her friendly embrace.  "Thanks for everything, Yuka," he told her warmly.  "You really are a great asset to us."

Yuka tightened her grip around his waist until he gasped softly.  Leaning up on her toes, she whispered, "If you break her heart, I will break another equally vital organ on your anatomy."  She smiled sweetly into his astonished amber orbs before moving to hug Kagome.  "It really is great to see you again, my friend!"  Then in a lower tone she said, "I expect a lunch date soon so you can fill me in on all the juicy details!"  

After the young woman had left, Inuyasha remarked, “You have very dangerous friends, Angel."