InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Demon's Diary ❯ Jaken ( Chapter 4 )

Chapter 4: Fourth Entry - Jaken

 

I am pleased with the progress Koneko is making with her fighting skills. She is an extremely quick learner and a good pupil. Rin has joined in as well but I'm afraid her forte is more in diplomacy rather than the martial arts.

 

Koneko is most like me in personality and if it wasn't for the fact that we are different species, I'm sure most would consider her my biological daughter. I try not to allow her to bottle up her emotions as I have done, but I am unsure how to stop her from doing so. It has been painful for me and I do not wish the same for her. To never laugh or cry is harmful. I cannot remember the last time I have shed tears and I have not laughed in so long I do not know if I am even able to. Perhaps being around these two will change that for me. They do give me a great amount of joy, even if I am unsure how to show that feeling.

 

I should not forget my retainer, Jaken. He too has given me more than he knows. I was extremely lonely before he came to be with me.

 

His tribe was in some kind of battle and a female demon had him in her claws and was going to kill him when I arrived on the scene. I have always hated to see the weaker being picked on and the poor toad was certainly no match for this woman. I told her to move as she was in my way, she, of course, refused and dug her claws deeper into the green skin. It angered me when I heard his small squeak of pain so I used my whip and killed her in one blow. Her refusal to move was a perfect excuse for battle and a good cover for my feelings of protectiveness.

 

Satisfied that I had done the proper thing I continued on my way, the smaller demons allowing me to pass. I soon heard running feet behind me and Jaken prostrated himself before me thanking me for saving him and dedicating his life to me as my servant. I had no idea how to respond to that so I continued on, hoping that he would just leave me in peace. He continued to follow me, again thanking me and telling me he would stay by me to return the life debt he felt he owed me. Who was I to argue, I was so tired of always being alone.

 

If you have never felt true loneliness then you do not know how it rips your heart, it is a horrible thing to not have another to care for you or for you to care for. There is an emptiness inside your soul that never abates, it is a most depressing feeling.

 

So I continued to the waterfalls where I knew the staff of two heads to be. I gave it to the toad and told him that if he could use it he could stay in my care. It sounds harsh I know but I knew of no other way to accept him without losing face, as I said my social skills are not the best. He has been a most loyal companion if a sometimes aggravating one, but I would not have him leave me. I would miss him too much. He toke away some of that killing loneliness and for that I am eternally grateful.

 

I am unsure of his exact age, but I do know he is elderly. I can see it in the way he walks and in the way he sometimes uses the staff to aid him. Someday he will be unable to continue with me and I will care for him when that day comes but for now he accompanies me on my quest to defeat Naraku and has come to my aid many times in battle. I find it amusing how fiercely protective he is of me when he is the one that needs protecting more than I.

 

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He actually likes that toad? Inuyasha asked himself, looking up momentarily from the book. He was surprised to learn how lonely his brother had been, and for the first time, felt sorry for Sesshoumaru. We have something in common in that, brother. I know some of that loneliness too.

 

Still he had Kagome, Miroku, Shippo, Sango and Kirara, all who would fight for him to the death if need be, and he knew they really cared for him. It seemed to him that his older brother was the one doing all the protecting; there was no one to protect him. For some reason that thought bothered the hanyou and he began to feel uncomfortable at the feelings his brother's writings were inducing in him. He was beginning to realize that maybe his brother was more complicated than he thought.

 

He looked up from the log he was sitting on by the meadow he had gone off to for some privacy, and not seeing or sensing the others, he again opened the book.

 

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Jaken has proven useful for looking out for the girls when I cannot be with them. He hates to be relegated to babysitter but it is for his own good as well. I do not wish him to come to harm and Naraku has a new, more powerful body now. My brother has also grown in power and ability. Jaken, in his foolish wish to protect me, will most likely get himself killed so I keep him away from any fighting as much as I can.

 

There are times when I cannot do that and it surprises me at how accomplished he has become with that staff. When Naraku gave me that human arm to defeat my brother, he kept the others at bay by himself. Such a small demon against three humans, he does impress me at times.

 

I actually had gone there with the intention of showing my stupid brother how to wield the thing. I had been watching and he still had not mastered the technique.

 

Having that human arm made it easier for me to take the sword and show him, although he thought I was going to keep it. I must admit the thought had crossed my mind. I killed one hundred demons with that sword and hopefully he could see how it was done. That miko girl must have thought I was going to kill him as she shot her arrow at the Tetsusaiga and purified it back to its original form.

 

I must say that I was not going to kill him, but I was angry and losing my temper, something I loathe doing. I'm not even sure why I was so angry. Jealousy perhaps or perhaps it was the fact that he had left me totally alone when he was sealed to the Goshinboku and it seemed to me, at that time, that he was falling back into the same old trap with this new wench.

 

I looked at that girl, so like the other that had betrayed my sibling and I struck out at her, more in warning that to do any real damage, I only knocked her out. Who was she to interfere between myself and my brother? Inuyasha again ripped the arm from my body and I was so furious, I put my right arm directly through his body in my anger. Thank goodness I had the presence of mind not to rip through anything vital.

 

So then I left, letting him keep the sword and letting him believe that he had defeated me to gain it. I must say that I was proud of my little servant for doing such an adept job at keeping the others out of mine and my brother's fight. And even if he is at times an aggravation and a pest, he is no coward and will aid me without thought for himself. I have never had anyone want to do that for me before and I still find it humbling.

 

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What the fuck? What does he mean he let me think I had defeated him; I did defeat him the arrogant bastard!

Inuyasha closed the book with a snap, but the more he thought of that day the more unsure he became.

 

He had seen when his brother had destroyed those one hundred demons so he should have been able to do the same to them, but he hadn't. He had been so scared for Kagome that day but she had nothing more than a few bruises. His brother should have been able to easily kill her. Why hadn't he? And even though his wounds were bad, they were not fatal and he healed. I was so sure he wanted me dead, have I been wrong?

 

Inuyasha stood up from the log and stretched before walking back towards his friends, the book still in his hands.