InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Demon's Diary ❯ Forbidden Love ( Chapter 8 )

This chapter contains mild yaoi innuendo - do not read if you do not like!

 

Chapter 8: Eighth Entry - Forbidden Love

 

“I can't believe it,” Sango stated astonished.

 

“Well, it would seem to put some confusing things in perspective,” interjected Miroku. “Like how he never does any permanent damage to you and how he has not killed you when we all know he could have. He has even protected you on at least one occasion that I recall.”

 

“When?” Inuyasha asked, totally confused. He did not remember anytime when his brother was not trying to maim or kill him.

 

“You remember, Sango. It was when you were fighting the evil sword Sou'unga, Inuyasha; the sword sent a blast towards you…”

 

“Yes,” continued Sango, “Sesshoumaru jumped in the way of the blast, we both saw it.”

 

Inuyasha hadn't even realized what his brother had done.

 

“And what about the time he told us to use the Tetsusaiga to transform you back into your hanyou form, when you killed all those men,” Kagome told him, feeling a bit guilty when she saw the hanyou wince at the memory of his time in his demon form.

 

“He showed up and attacked me!” Inuyasha complained.

 

“Yes, he distracted you from the other men and Kagome, but he only knocked you unconscious, he could have killed us all at that time,” Miroku mussed.

 

“I didn't know.” Inuyasha was confused. As much as he wanted to think that Sesshoumaru was deluding himself and putting his own spin on their battles he had to admit that his friends were right. For whatever reasons, his brother had spared his life on more than one occasion. How could I have not seen it? Can I be that wrong about him?

 

Kagome spoke to the group again, “I think Sesshoumaru may be experiencing clinical depression at times.”

 

“What's that?” asked Shippo.

 

“It's sort of when a person is really sad,” Kagome tried to explain in a way they would understand, “But you can't control it or make it go away easily.”

 

“Like when he tried to kill himself,” intoned Inuyasha.

 

“That and also what he wrote about sleeping, people with depression can be really tired and they sleep to get away from the world.”

 

“Can we help him?” the hanyou asked.

 

“I don't know, I don't know enough about it, but I'll look it up next time I go home,” Kagome promised.

 

“If he truly does not enjoy taking lives and he feels no one cares about him that in itself is a reason for this depression. I have felt that sadness in his aura from time to time,” Miroku told the group.

 

“Why didn't you say anything about it?” questioned Inuyasha a bit angrily.

 

“I didn't think it was important, I thought maybe he was sad he didn't kill you.” Miroku threw up his hands in supplication.

 

“So what do we do now?” asked Sango.

 

“I don't know yet,” answered Inuyasha, “I would like to talk to him, I just need to figure out how to do that without him getting mad.”

 

Everyone agreed that not making Sesshoumaru angry would be a good thing.

 

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I have made a breakthrough with Koneko today. As I have written previously, she has these times where I can sense evilness in her and I did not know what to do to prevent it from taking her over. She has no special sword like my brother's to control her demon side and I must prevent it from breaking through. Today we walked, just the two of us and talked.

 

“Why do you imitate me?” I asked her.

 

“Because you fear nothing, you do not feel fear or pain. I wish to not feel those things either.”

 

“You are wrong, I do feel those things, I just do not show it.”

 

“You do?” she questioned, I believe I surprised her.

 

“Yes, I feel all emotions, the good ones and the bad. I just know how to control them so they do not rule me.”

 

“Will you teach me?” she asked me tentatively reaching around and pulling her tail to her nervously.

 

“Yes, but first you must embrace these emotions, all of them, do you understand?”

 

“Even ones I don't want to?” she asked nervously.

 

“Especially the ones you do not wish to.”

 

We are now working on having her deal with her feelings of hatred and her demons desire to kill. I find she does not seem to be as bothered by killing as I but I will try to instil in her the wrongness of taking a life needlessly. There is not much gained in revenge and I know she wishes to avenge herself against the villagers that kept her captive and destroyed her mother. If I can teach her to let go of these negative emotions I am sure she will be much happier.

 

Revenge, what a foolish notion; at one time I tried to gain revenge for my father against the cat tribe. And maybe also for myself against the one that had interfered with the love I had for one of her tribe.

 

Anija was the female cat demon, she tricked my love into believing that I had betrayed him. I know some of this was my fault, our clans, the inus and the cats had been at war when my father had been alive, That was when I met Shuuran, I really had no interest in my father's fight and this boy intrigued me. We fought and I was impressed with his skill as he was with mine, in the end we both just stood and talked while the others fought around us.

 

We met often after that in secret but Anija found us out and told Shuuran that I was only interested in getting information from him and that I was Inu no Taisho's son . This was something I foolishly had not told him, afraid that he would not want me. When I admitted to being the lord's son he believed her lies and left me. I think she did this as she had her own designs on Shuuran but what could I do. If my father found out, I would be banished from the castle or killed as a traitor. I miss him sometimes even now.

 

Anija shows up again after over fifty years and tells me to meet at her lords castle, that he is going to be revived to rule the land. I cannot allow this to happen, so I go, refusing help from the protector of the forest, Ryokan. I do not wish to involve others in this fight, others that could be hurt. I take only Jaken with me, I can depend on him, leaving Rin in the care of Au-Un until I return. In the back of my mind is the hope that maybe I will see Shuuran again.

 

I arrive just in time to again save my brother from being killed. Can he not see that he is no match for them? I tell him to leave but of course he refuses, it appears that the cats have kidnapped his miko woman and he wants to retrieve her.

 

Foolish hanyou, he is not ready for such a battle yet. He makes me so angry that I temporarily loose my control over my emotions I strike out at him and yell at him, telling him that someone who falls in love with a human and gets himself sealed to a tree does not deserve to be here.

 

I did not mean to be so harsh but I still do not trust this new human girl not to betray my brother, perhaps this time, instead of being sealed to a tree, he will be destroyed. I cannot and will not feel again as I did that day when his body was gone from the tree. I want him to live.

 

I think this feeling of mistrust comes from my own failed love affair. I did see Shuuran that day but I only saw hate for me in his eyes, it surprised me at how much that wounded my heart even after so much time had passed.

 

Finally I see Anija and she attacks me, mocking me. My desire for revenge is strong, my only wish to cut her down. I think I even feel jealousy that she has been with Shuuran in the time he should have been with me. I do not destroy her but in the end I am able to leave to go to her lord and destroy him.

 

I finally manage to get to the barrier that encases the cat lord, but I cannot break though. Inuyasha shows up and has a new technique that I was unaware of, he can break the barrier. I do not show it but I am proud of my little brother for increasing the strength of our father's sword, even if he still has no finesse in using the blade and of course it doesn't take him long to get into trouble again.

 

He is pinned by four of the cat demons and I have to step in to save him. He is so stubborn, why doesn't he just leave? This just makes me angry and instead of working together, we fight. How foolish. During that time the cat lord is revived, using the souls of his own followers, of my Shuuran. I feel such rage that I begin to transform, but the Tenseiga calls to me.

 

I know what to do. I use the Tenseiga to revive the cat demons that the demon lord has taken, which in turn makes the nekoyoukai lose his powers. I have to leave, I cannot stand to see Shuuran again, I leave the rest for my brother to handle. He has grown stronger that I imagined.

 

I must impart this story to Koneko, so she knows that there is no pleasure in revenge, it does not change anything. She will still have lost two years of her life; I will still have lost a love of mine.

 

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“I wondered that day why Sesshoumaru seemed so angry,” Miroku said after listening to Kagome reading the journal.

 

“I had no idea he actually ever loved anybody; that is so sad,” stated Sango.

 

“It's like Romeo and Juliet,” sighed Kagome. Except in this case they're both guys, she thought.

 

“Who?” Inuyasha asked.

 

“Just another story in a book,” she answered, sighing again.

 

“Why does he have to put me down all the time?” Inuyasha said sulkily. “I don't fight that badly.”

 

“He did say he was proud of you for learning how to break the barrier,” Kagome stated hoping to take the growing frown off the hanyou's face.

 

“You realize there is no way we can give this book back to him now that we've all read it.” Miroku stated matter of factly. “He can't ever know you have it.”

 

“What am I supposed to do with it? I can't keep it, what if he finds it or can smell it or something.” There is no way I'm going to throw it away either, Inuyasha thought to himself.

 

“We could hide it,” Shippo spoke up helpfully.

 

Inuyasha thought about it for a moment. “I'll keep it with me for now.” The half demon did not want to give up the book, it was a way for him to know his brother, the true person that he was inside and the hanyou really wanted to know that person.