InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Demon's Diary ❯ Can We Be Brothers At Last ( Chapter 18 )

Chapter 18: Can We Be Brothers At Last

 

Sesshoumaru awoke lying on the ground covered in a blanket. As his eyes focused he saw his wounds had been bandaged and his brother was sitting beside him. He still felt slightly light headed but the worst of the pain was gone and he knew he was healing quickly. At least his physical wounds, the wounds to his pride and his soul would take a little longer. He remained where he was and closed his eyes but in his mind's eye all he could see was Naraku invading his body and he could still smell the stench of the spider on his skin. He soon sat up quickly and turned his head to vomit into the grass beside him.

 

“You okay?” questioned Inuyasha with concern. “You've been out for over a day.”

 

Sesshoumaru nodded as he gasped for breath, feeling the need to vomit again but unable to do so. He felt entirely too dirty and tried to stand so he could head somewhere to clean himself of the stench and the phantom feeling of Naraku's hands on him.

 

Inuyasha tried to help his brother but was swatted away with a growl. “I will be fine, I do not need your pity,” the demon lord spat out.

 

“I don't pity you, I'm just trying to help,” Inuyasha stated but kept his distance trying to allow his brother some semblance of pride.

 

“Where is Jaken?” Sesshoumaru asked as he managed to make it to his feet.

 

“Kagura…killed him,” Inuyasha answered softly. He watched as a look of sorrow quickly crossed the demon lord's face.

 

Sesshoumaru turned his back to his younger sibling and said nothing but his heart felt heavy, “Did you retrieve the body?” he asked, his voice low, knowing too much time had passed for him to bring his retainer back.

 

“Yes, we buried him. Miroku said a prayer for him,” Inuyasha told his older brother. “I can show you where.”

 

Sesshoumaru said nothing but he gave a quick nod. “The children are okay?”

 

“Yeah, they're with the others. They're really worried about you. They care about you, Sesshoumaru.”

 

“I am going to bathe.” Sesshoumaru headed off in the direction where he smelled the scent of water not wanting to acknowledge his brother's words. He walked slowly but with his head up and his back straight. Inuyasha followed behind at a respectful distance.

 

The battered demon soon found the springs that the group had camped near and stripped himself of Miroku's robe. He folded the garment neatly and entered the water sinking into its warm depths up to his chin. He sighed shakily still disturbed by images of the spider groping him in places he had never been touched. He began to clean himself, trying to push these images and the feelings of self loathing away without much success.

 

Inuyasha watched from the bank with his ears pinned to his head at the aura of absolute misery coming from the water. He could see his brother trembling as he cleansed himself and trying mightily not to let anything show outwardly. He came into the water beside Sesshoumaru with a soft whine when he saw the demon draw his legs up and hug his knees, his shoulders softly shaking.

 

“Go away, Inuyasha,” Sesshoumaru intoned coldly, turning his head away. He made no move to attack his brother as the hanyou sat down beside him, still with his clothes on.

 

Inuyasha just sat there, he really didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound trite so he reached out and gently put his hand on his brother's shoulder. He felt Sesshoumaru flinch at the contact but again the demon lord made no move to stop him or remove his hand. Feeling emboldened, Inuyasha rubbed the demon lord's back in soothing circles.

 

Sesshoumaru spun around quickly rising onto his knees, frightening Inuyasha into jumping to his feet. His heart soon calmed when he felt his brother grab him about the waist and lean his forehead onto his chest.

 

Inuyasha put his arms around his brother's neck and head, holding him close, surprised at the uncharacteristic way his older brother was acting. He realized that the demon lord's encounter with Naraku bothered his normally stoic brother more than he wanted to let on.

 

“I let him…I let him use me and I did not even fight back,” he whispered into his younger brother's haori.

 

“You were trying to protect the kids, it wasn't your fault,” replied Inuyasha, feeling very distressed as he stroked his fingers though his brother's long hair.

 

Sesshoumaru was beginning to feel better at the close contact and comfort of his brother but knew he was not going to be able to indulge himself in what he had been craving for such a long time. I must leave the children here, they are better off with Inuyasha. I can protect them no longer. My first priority must be Naraku. I cannot allow him to use those I love against me again. I must kill him. He sighed sadly at the thought of being alone again but he had to do this, to keep everyone safe. He straightened up and regretfully left his brother's embrace putting his cold, arrogant demeanour back in place as he donned the robe. “You will keep the children,” he stated.

 

“What are you talking about, they won't want to stay with us,” Inuyasha argued.

 

“I do not wish them to be with me any longer, they are a liability. I will not allow them to follow me.”

 

“They love you, Sesshoumaru. They will follow you regardless of what you say.” Inuyasha couldn't figure out the quick change in his brother's attitude.

 

“I do not love them,” the demon lord stated, wrapping his heart in the ice that was inside him. “It was a mistake to take in any of them. They are meaningless, as are you.”

 

Inuyasha looked at his brother in disbelief. “You're lying, I know you care about them and about me,” he frowned.

 

“And how do you presume to know this?” Sesshoumaru questioned with a dangerous tone, letting his younger sibling know that he was crossing the line in calling him a liar. The only thing that stopped his hand from striking the hanyou was that it was true.

 

Oh, shit. How am I going to tell him? Inuyasha took a deep breath, deciding he might as well fess up and get it over with, “I read your book, so I know a lot more than you think.” He kept his eyes warily on his brother hoping to be able to gauge his reaction and tensed his muscles in order to move quickly in case Sesshoumaru attacked him.

 

Sesshoumaru stood looking at him, utterly stunned. “You…you read my…where did you get it?” he asked, his eyes narrowing in anger.

 

“I…well, I just found it…when we last fought. I found it on the ground.” Inuyasha began to unconsciously back away from the fury he was sensing from his brother.

 

“And you think that gave you the right to read it?” Sesshoumaru's voice rose in volume and he clenched his fist feeling profoundly embarrassed at the thought of his brother knowing all his secret desires and feelings that he had kept so closely guarded. He covered it up with anger instead. Sesshoumaru lashed out with his fist hitting Inuyasha squarely on the jaw before he could get out of the way. The hanyou fell to the ground his head spinning from the blow watching in some fear as his brother loomed over him. Sesshoumaru surprised him by suddenly turning and stalking off into the forest.

 

“Stop, Sesshoumaru. I'm sorry…I just…I just wanted to know you better. I've never wanted to fight you,” Inuyasha did not want his brother to walk away like this. He didn't realize until now how much he wanted his older brother in his life. “Don't run away, stay with us…with me.” He scrambled up from the ground and ran to catch up to his brother who had not slowed in the least, coming to stand in front of him to block his path.

 

“Step aside,” Sesshoumaru growled out dangerously. He let his poison come to his clawed hand, closer than he had ever been in wanting to kill his brother outright. He tried to get by the hanyou before he indulged himself in the impulse and did something he would forever regret.

 

“No, I'm not letting you leave like this,” the hanyou replied with a look of stubbornness and determination on his face. Inuyasha was soon gasping for breath with hot spikes of pain traveling up his back as Sesshoumaru held him to the tree he had just slammed him against, letting his venom burn into his brother's neck, standing with his quickly reddening eyes inches from his brothers.

 

Inuyasha knew that yelling and fighting was not going to work and would probably alienate them further, so he did the thing Kagome always did to calm him, he wrapped his arms around his angry brother and hugged him tight, ignoring the pain as best he could.

 

Sesshoumaru, surprised, halted his poison attack and tried to push himself away. Inuyasha gripped him tighter and wouldn't let go. “Don't go, no one should live alone for so long, we need you, oniichan,” the hanyou told his brother softly, hoping to appeal to the heart he knew was hidden under that cold exterior.

 

The demon lord felt panic start to rise and struggled to get loose, the sensation of being held so tightly bringing back certain unpleasant memories. Inuyasha refused to release him and hung on for dear life as his brother slammed him repeatedly into the tree trying to make the hanyou loosen his grip. The younger boy was beginning to see stars and he knew he was going to lose consciousness when he felt his sibling sag in his arms, the fight seemingly gone from him.

 

Sesshoumaru felt totally drained, physically and emotionally. This was something he had wanted for so long. Can I really give into this desire? He thought.

 

“It's okay. You don't have to be alone anymore. You don't have to be afraid to care,” soothed Inuyasha still holding his brother tightly around the waist, his head beginning to clear.

 

Sesshoumaru was at a loss, he did not know how to respond to his brother's caring words. He wished Inuyasha would fight and scream at him; that he knew how to deal with, this left him confused and feelings of longing welled up within him. “There will be repercussions if I stay,” he said. “There are still those on our father's land that want nothing more than your death.”

 

“Then we'll fight them together,” replied Inuyasha sternly.

 

“I do not wish to cause a civil war over my wants, Inuyasha,” Sesshoumaru scolded, resting his head on his brother's and draping his own arm around the smaller frame. The demon lord was beginning to experience a peaceful feeling being surrounded by his brother's scent. They stood that way for several minutes, comforting each other and then parted.

 

“Look, we need to defeat Naraku. Even those assholes should see that. We stand a much better chance together to do that. Tell them we formed a temporary truce, tell them you're using us, I don't care. But we do need you, Sesshoumaru. The kids need you…I need you.”

 

Sesshoumaru thought momentarily and then finally gave into the need to be with his brother, “Very well, but I want my book back,” he stated firmly, holding his hand out for it.

 

Inuyasha blushed slightly and reached into his haori, passing the book to his brother. The hanyou decided that he wasn't going to tell his sibling about the other's reading it as well. I better make sure the rest of them don't say anything or there'll be hell to pay.

 

Now that things had been decided, both brothers felt somewhat awkward with what had happened as they returned to the others. They knew it would take time to get to know and trust each other after their years of fighting but both wanted to try.