InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Demons, Inc. ❯ Chapter 08: In Which Shippou Buys Something Useful From an Infomercial (Maybe) ( Chapter 8 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Stars Came Out 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.24.2009 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.4K | Visits: 146 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.24.2009 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.4K | Visits: 146 | Status: Completed
DEMONS, INC.
Chapter 08: In Which Shippou Buys Something Useful From an Infomercial (Maybe)
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She didn't remember who she was, where she was, or why she was in that particular place. Hell, she didn't even remember what she was. Sometimes she thought she was just one more bar on the cell that contained her. So she would stand stock still and straight with all the other bars, but that got boring rather quickly. Occasionally she thought she was the sink, and stood by it and made a few random gurgling noises from time to time. Pretty soon she figured out that if you filled the real sink with water and plugged it up with a tissue paper from the toilet, you could see a reflection. That's how she learned she was a person. She recognized that those were people features. Nice black hair (although kind of shaggy), nice brown eyes, nice normal features. She scratched her cheek thoughtfully. Now, she needed to figure out why she was there.
The most logical way to go about doing such a thing was to decide what service this room could possibly provide a person, because she was a person and she happened to be in that room, therefore she must be in the room for a person's reason. If she knew what the room was for, then perhaps she would know what it was she needed to do.
Just as she was deciding that, no matter how useful, it was a rather ugly room, another person came to the bars that comprised one wall of the room, standing a foot or so away from the gritty cold iron. It almost made her smile to remember that one time when she had thought she was one of the bars. Had it only been fifteen minutes ago? It felt a lifetime. Without any personal memories, and with most of her frame of reference like a rotted cabbage, she felt positively newborn.
The other person did not have features as nice as hers. She was rather crudely cobbled together, in the mind of the girl in the room. She had pointed ears, which the girl in the room somehow felt were unnatural, and her eyes were a soggy red color like so much old rust. The other person narrowed her eyes and her lips parted, revealing slightly pointed teeth. That was not attractive at all to the girl in the room. She liked her people with nice, omnivorous teeth.
"You're awake," the woman outside the room stated.
"Quite awake," the woman inside answered back, glad to see that at least she had some communication skills, even though she couldn't remember how she had gotten them.
"Tell us how to activate the Shikon Jewel," this new person demanded.
"What is the Shikon Jewel?" she asked nicely. "I will be happy to help if I can."
Eyes narrowed further, until they were almost squinty. "Just make it easy on yourself. Tell us now and no one will have to torture you."
"I'm not sure what you're talking about."
The woman outside the room turned around and said, "I'm going to assume she's lying, but if you blockheads put a brick to her brain I swear I'm going to rip you all to fly paper."
"Why would someone have put a brick to my brain?" the woman inside asked. "Was I at all making a nuisance of myself?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, you were. Now tell us or else I'll have to let boss ask you, and boss is not a kind man. Actually, he's downright unpleasant."
"Why do you bother with him if he is unpleasant?" the woman inside asked.
"He pays well," the woman outside said.
Well, that's not really all that mattered to him. Not at all. But it was nice not to think about anything else as they traveled the long road back to to their home country.
Nobody had been happy with this plan in the beginning. It felt like they should be doing something more dynamic, like charging into some building, somewhere, where Kagome was being held prisoner. But there was nothing for it. The bat demon was gone, no one was forthcoming with details, and furthermore Inuyasha found out that he had been working for his brother all that time at the Magical Kingdom. It baffled him how his brother could own such an establishment, but apparently it was all for his adopted daughter Rin.
Well, anyway, they had no reason to stay in that place. Really, there was nothing else they could do. So they had hopped into the car and started driving back home.
"You know what's been bothering me?" Sango asked suddenly. "It's that damn hooded figure that chased Kagome when she first arrived here."
It was bothering everyone else, too. A lot of things were bothering them all simultaneously, which should have worn out all those things. But it didn't. They just bothered them all the more.
"Someone deliberately pulled her here," Miroku stated. "But who or why?"
"We'll find out soon enough," growled Inuyasha, stepping on the gas. "No one gets away with this shit."
In the back of his mind, he was remembering Kagome's accusation. That he had abandoned her. Now he had to prove that bitch wrong and show her that he would not ever abandon her. He did not wish that kind of torture on any of his fellow demons. Not even that jack ass who had stolen his crayons in the third grade and melted them down into a brown ooze that was eventually used to stop up one of the toilets in the boy's bathroom. Okay, that part had been a little funny, but not the part when his crayons had been stolen.
He had found out her old residence from the neighbor whose chair she had stolen. But that apartment had been abandoned with nothing in it but some dirty clothes and a white plastic lawn chair.
Boss wouldn't be happy, not at all. Sesshoumaru had found the girl the first time, and had been the one to tell Kagura, who had told boss. That was when he, the great bat demon Sam, had been contacted to abduct her. He had decided to hang out in the bar before making his move because the bar was the only place nearby that had the type of wood he was capable of consuming; he really had no way of knowing she would actually be there that night. He had planned to nab her in the early afternoon the next day. He would have followed Inuyasha home, hid somewhere nearby, and waited until everyone but the girl was gone. Then he would have snatched her. But it was much better to grab her right then and there that night and fly off with her.
What good luck that she had ventured out into public, and stumbled into the one place in the country that had food capable of sustaining the great bat demon Sam. Undeniably good luck.
And then she had gotten away. Right? Or had he already turned her in?
He hesitated in his pacing. It wasn't necessarily certain that she had gotten away. Kagura might actually have her now. The situation had been fifty-fifty. It was all a big confusion to poor Sam. Well, he decided to assume that Kagura had custody of Kagome. It was a good assumption that was making more and more sense the longer he thought about it. Mostly, that was because his memory wasn't very good and he tended to forget almost all new data every thirty minutes or so, so if he was thinking about something for too long the thoughts inevitably became facts to him for the next thirty minutes just because that kept his brain from pooping out. Once he had accidentally convinced himself that he was in fact two hundred and seventy pounds (he was one hundred and twelve, made of nice hollow bones), had eight eyes (he had only two, and neither worked especially well), and sold insurance for a living (not terribly different from being a professional assassin and kidnapper), all because he had been wondering what it would be like to have such attributes for five minutes too long. It was a confusing life he led.
He left the hotel room and started his voyage home, which he could locate from anywhere in the world (one of the few facts permanently stored in his brain). By the next day, he would completely forget that there was ever a person named Kagome, or a human in the demon world at all.
That's why he was a useful kidnapper and assassin, and also why he had forgotten every single one of his marriage anniversaries and court dates.
Now that that particular matter had been cleared up, she stared at the woman who was on the dirty mattress in the cell. That fragile human had indeed forgotten just about everything, and was perfectly useless. More useless than those weight loss patches that banner ads are always trying to sell.
The human looked over at her, sat up, and smiled cheerfully.
"Alright, you must remember something," Kagura said through gritted teeth. She wished someone else had been assigned to the girl. This was too gentle for Kagura's liking. She preferred to take care of matters by running through her problems with a sharp object. If you want to talk about rendering a big problem into a bunch of smaller ones in order that they may be methodically solved in a grown-up fashion, splitting them down the middle with a sword is a great way to start.
"I remember that I am indeed a person, not a sink," she chirped.
Kagura dragged a hand down her face. Somehow her make-up didn't budge. "Your name is Kagome, alright? Kagome."
The woman frowned. "I don't recognize it. But if you say so."
"You came from the human world," she said. "You were brought here for a very specific purpose, and that purpose is to unlock the Shikon Jewel."
"Why?" the woman said. "What does the Shikon Jewel do?"
"I'm not at liberty to tell you that, Kagome." Suddenly Kagura smiled with a most evil grin, reminiscent to a woman who has just accepted a marriage proposal and is already planning her fiance's fate. "But to...stimulate your memory...I will introduce you to our special therapy machine..."
He sniffled. His only consolation was the endless supply of infomercials. Oh, and listening to Inuyasha delete all the old messages from the answering machine. That was kind of exciting (especially when Inuyasha came across one of Kagome's many messages)...but not as exciting as his retail therapy.
He had bought all sorts of things. An exercise machine called the dough-flex, several bottles of perfume, an entire collection of mint coins, a few gem stones, an elixir of youth, a 10-CD set of nature tracks, a pet shark, and a calendar from 1832. They would be arriving any day now. He would just have to purchase more things in the meantime. And while he did so, Inuyasha's credit card bill was rising phenomenally, unbeknownst to him. He was in for a huge surprise at the end of the month. Namely one that would cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars.
But really, Shippou had nothing else to do. No one helped him on his math homework anymore; Kagome had always been the one to help before. So he was now failing math class. After only one day back. Let's not talk about how that happened. Everyone knows that math grades randomly plummet for no reason at all, especially at the end of the semester when it's time to worry about finals.
Now he was going to buy a juicer. Senseless fruit destruction sounded like his next big hobby. He would murder every orange he found in Kagome's honor, and he was going to start right away. That's right, he was going to get Overnight Shipping!
First of all, she went back to the apartment...only to be told that the previous tenants had moved out and that she was a wanted woman for having stolen the plastic lawn chair, and could face up to five years in prison and up to $2000 in fines.
"Ah, alright, I'll go to jail, but let me just get my...pocketbook."
"That sounds acceptable to me," the landlord told her amicably, just as Kagome was wondering what exactly she would do with a pocketbook if she had one. Probably make Inuyasha hold it so that he would look feminine.
So Kagome left---to the nearest car dealership, where she extracted Inuyasha's credit card with a devilish smile, and browsed the selection of fine sports cars while singing a James Bond tune.
If the morning begins with TWO grand escapes from bloodlusty, not to mention murderous, demons, you might as well end it with a classy 1.8 million dollar car!
Inuyasha was going to be in debt the rest of his life. Kagome cackled evilly as she peeled out of the parking lot, unaware that Douglas the cars salesman was cowering in fear behind his desk. He was terrified of that downright humanly woman---and besides, who on the demon world had EVER insisted on paying full price without one dollar of bargaining involved?! It just wasn't right!
Finally gaining access to a major highway, convertible top down with the wind blowing through her unfortunately short hair, Kagome mentally reviewed her plan. First she was going to find this "boss" that everyone kept talking about and personally kick his rump out the window. Once she'd disposed of his body appropriately, she was going to go shopping, take over the demon world and instate a huge tax policy that would result in total and complete economic failure, and then she would return home. Once at home, she was going to ace Calculus.
Yeah, that's right. That Calculus exam wouldn't know what hit it!
Oh yes...she'd have to think of a good way to embarrass Inuyasha appropriately...(Because a 1.8 million dollar car wasn't suitable enough for revenge.)
"Oh no..." Sango mumbled. "Inuyasha...you'd better come see this."
Inuyasha moved away from the computer, where he'd been surfing Boogle and MeTube for the past fourteen hours straight for any spare scrap he could possibly associate with Kagome. He was wearing attractive glasses (never mind where those came from since demons have perfect eye sight). Finding clues to Kagome, to be honest, meant frequently watching lolcats slideshows.
"Oh shit. You don't think..." he mumbled.
"But I do..." Sango answered.
"Well," Miroku piped up. "That certainly explains a lot."
"It does?" Inuyasha asked. "Because I actually didn't have anything to finish my sentence."
Sango rolled her eyes. "Think about it for a moment. Think about Kagome's weird circumstances in arriving here. Think about how Kagura has been snooping around. And finally, think about how...why...could Demons, Inc. possibly be lying about having 'disposed' of Kagome?" Of course they would never believe that anybody could actually do Kagome in. It was just unthinkable. Beat her up, maybe. But kill her? Nah. Just wasn't happening.
"It's all clear to me now!" Miroku shouted like a man who has heard invisible angels sing on high. "Demons, Inc. is behind it all!"
Sango slapped her forehead in dismay. Sometimes she felt like a glorified babysitter. (Which, in fact, was exactly what she had been for the past few months.)
"Now Sango, let's celebrate this monumental discovery with---"
Sango glared at him. "You do not want to finish that sentence..."
Except that he did, and he would. Sango rewarded him appropriately. Miroku spent the rest of the afternoon, teary-eyed and smoking from his hair, trying to tape back together the pages from his immense naughty magazine collection. He couldn't believe that Sango would be so cruel as to rip them all to shreds...and that Inuyasha was willing to sit nearby and laugh hysterically the entire time.
"We do these things at the border! Now where's your passport?" he shouted back. "We have to ensure you're legally crossing!"
Kagome was in deep trouble. Not only did she not have a passport, she didn't have any ID at all, no insurance papers, and the car was even in Inuyasha's name anyway because she had forged his signature. The car of course had every intention of keeping Kagome's secret. (This is where it winks at you conspiratorially.)
"Well, where's YOUR passport?!" she demanded. "I insist on seeing your passport first! You're probably not even a real cop!" She ignored the fact that he was surrounded by every other cop patrolling the area---about twenty of them---and a matching ring of cop cars with their lights going. If it was a ploy it was a rather good one.
"What the hell? Just cooperate or I'll have to arrest you!"
"You don't have to arrest me, you just want to arrest me!" Kagome was really running out of ammo for this and was trying to think of a monumental escape plan. She wondered how she could escape kidnapper demons twice and yet be done in by a routine traffic check.
"At the rate you're going, of course I want to arrest you!"
"Wait a minute!" Kagome shouted. "This is police brutality!" She was pretty sure it actually wasn't police brutality at all, but she had always wanted to yell that out at the top of her lungs.
The cop's jaw dropped. All the other police took several steps backwards, their faces plainly horrified.
"Please, miss, please don't say that! You have no idea what you're about to do!" the cop begged, looking around to make sure there weren't any camera crews nearby to catch her statement.
"And now you're insulting me as well! That's it! I'm taking this story to the PRESS!" she threatened gleefully, pointing her finger into the air to emphasize her exclamation.
"Fine! You can go! Just please, for the love of television, don't take it to the press!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, stepping out of the way with a mouthful of swear words. The other cops accompanied him and went off to move their cars out of the way, grumbling like a bunch of empty stomachs (or it may have just been Kagome's empty stomach).
"Sure thing!" Kagome said with a thumbs-up as she racked back up to top speed. Not that she was going anywhere in particular---she had no clue where this "boss" was. Maybe that part of the plan should come after she took over the demon world...
"What the hell were you thinking?!" a caustic voice sounded out behind her before she could think of the opening line of her book. She sat straight up and dropped her fork, but didn't turn around. Slowly she picked up her fork again and took a bite, pretending not to hear the voice behind her. "Do you know how hard we've been looking for you?! And here you are eating cake of all things!"
Kagome turned around and gave a deadpan stare to the group advancing on her.
"How the hell did you even get this far away from the apartment?!"
Kagome narrowed her eyes and cast a quick glance around the buffet. No one was staring at the scene being caused by the angry group. Demons are violent creatures. If you come into a restaurant peacefully, that's what'll get you a roomful of stares.
"Wait a minute..." Kagome grumbled, picking up her fork higher. She was prepared to fling cake if necessary. Poor cake. It was born to lead a miserable life, the fate of all cakes. This particular cake had never been happy a day in its life.
"Come on, bitch! Let's go kick the slimy ass of that bastard who kidnapped you!"
"Alrighty!" Kagome replied happily. She flung her fork down onto her plate and vaulted over her chair. (The cake later got thrown into the trash, made a daring escape, and became the first sentient cake known to demonkind; shortly it became a millionaire and was no longer miserable, until someone finally ate it, at which point it became miserable again.) She smiled evilly. "Let's take my ride!"
Kagome grinned. "You bet. Let's go!" While the demons scattered, Kagome boldly approached a tall office building. It had the Demons, Inc. logo in big white letters on the top. She had no idea who those demons had been, but they had seemed to know her well enough. And they had led her straight to Demons, Inc. headquarters, where apparently her captor was. That was good enough for her.
Kagome decided it was best to do things with a head-on approach. Bare-footed, still wearing boxer shorts and a tee-shirt belonging to the others, smelly as sin, hair in a cloudy mess, she moved to the door and pushed inside. The building was nicely air-conditioned, and a big oak desk in the middle of the room was manned by a petite secretary typing busily. A coffee table with three plush chairs around it sat in one corner to serve as a waiting room. Surprisingly there was actually one styrofoam cup of coffee on it. Two doors were on either side of the desk, both closed with card-key readers on them.
"Hello," Kagome chirped cheerfully to the secretary as she walked by to one of the doors. "I had a lovely lunch break."
The woman just stared at her with something akin to disbelief, mouth slightly parted, even as Kagome pulled out Inuyasha's credit card. The telephone rang and she turned away from Kagome to answer. Happily Kagome moved to the door and slid the credit card between it and the doorjamb. With a satisfying click it popped open and she moved inside, somewhat surprised that such a simple thing worked. (Were the key readers for decoration?) She was going to try it out in the zoo the instant she got home.
Once inside, her cheer morphed into horror. She was staring down an endless hallway with pristine white doors, each with gold nameplates. For a moment she terribly thought she would have to search each room. After a quick glance around the hall, however, she located a stairwell and rushed downstairs (of course, after she personally unscrewed and removed the bolted door), even more horrified as the obsessively clean office turned into a dungeon. Complete with stone walls and flickering torches. Maybe she should have tried the upstairs first...
"Oh brother," she said as she moved past the first cell. In moving by the second she stopped stock still and stared inside. "Hey you!" she called.
A woman, previously lying in the bed, looked up and smiled tiredly. "Hello," she said. "I'm Kagome."
"...Wait a minute...I have to think about this for a sec..."
Was this a robot designed to take her place? A brain-washed demon? Could demons even be brain-washed? Did they even have brains? Kagome narrowed her eyes at the woman inside. They looked a little alike, but weren't distinctly similar. Sure, the same hair...similar eyes...but definitely different bones. So the woman inside wasn't even Kagome's evil twin.
"Darn it, I've always wanted an evil twin," she announced. "Kagome" from inside the cell looked at her oddly.
"What's an evil twin?" she asked.
"Never mind that. Are you sure you're Kagome? Because I'm Kagome."
The woman frowned. "No, but if you're Kagome, too, I suppose you're the one they're actually looking for."
"Someone's looking for me?" she asked, slightly bewildered just because she liked to make that particular expression. "Who?"
"A man named Naraku, though everyone calls him "the boss." A lady named Kagura will be by soon if you want to hang around and talk to them. They aren't terribly pleasant people, but I don't think they're bad at heart...they just want to activate something called the Shikon Jewel."
"What's a Shikon Jewel? Hey, never mind. I've got a plan, Kagome! Wait a minute...are you a human?"
"Of course," the other Kagome scoffed.
Kagome blinked. "Well I'll be! It seems there are two of us in this world after all. How did you get here?"
"I don't remember. I've lost my memory," she said, getting a sort of nostalgic look on her face. (She was remembering when she had first found out she was a human.)
"Oh. Oh well, like I said before. I've got a plan, Kagome! Watch what I can do..."
The other Kagome watched patiently as Kagome slipped through the cell bars and joined her in captivity. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. When they come, you'll hide under the bed and I'll pretend to be you. I'll kick Naraku's bum-bum!"
"Okay," the other woman said cheerfully. "But be careful, because they---"
"Shh, hide! Here comes somebody!" Kagome raced to the bars to see who was coming. Almost immediately she recognized Kagura, elegant, tall, and as well-groomed as she had been during Kagome's first observation. Kagura came to stand by the bars, briefly narrowed her eyes at Kagome before shaking her head, and then pulled a cigarette out of a silver case in her coat pocket.
"So, Kagome," she began as she perfumed the place up with smoke. "Do you feel like telling me about the Shikon Jewel today?"
"Nope," she said cheerfully. "Mainly because I have no clue what you're talking about."
Kagura closed her eyes and sighed. "I'll give you a moment to reconsider..."
"You needn't give me that long," Kagome said. "I'm not going to suddenly know what a Shikon Jewel is. Are they mined in Brazil? That's where aquamarines are mined. Hey, do you know where rubies are mined? I'm not sure. Africa maybe? What's your favorite gem stone? My friend Eri, she hates any gem that costs less than a thousand dollars. She's lost three boyfriends that way. Oh yes, anyway, perhaps if you tell me about the Shikon I can help you out. Where's Naraku?"
Kagura watched her suspiciously. "I see your memory is beginning to come back..."
"It comes in little waves. Hey, where's Naraku? I need to ask him a question."
Kagura shook her head. "Kagome, if you're going to refuse to tell me anything, you know what I'll have to do."
"Take me to see Naraku? Possibly clean my toilet? Stop smoking in my face?"
With a frown, Kagura said, "That's that, then. Come along, I'll take you to the uh, Special Therapy Machine."
The other Kagome underneath the bed let out a horrifying scream of terror and pain.
"What the hell was that?!" Kagura snapped, looking around the dungeon's hallways. The reverberating echoes of the other Kagome's screams were particularly loud against the stone walls. Kagome swore she even saw a torch flicker out.
"My stomach," Kagome replied. "I'm devilishly hungry."
Kagura huffed. "Whatever, uncooperative brat." She popped open the cell's door and grabbed Kagome by the wrist. "I'm really surprised you've lasted this long. I guess all those rumors about humans might be founded on some simple grain of truth..."
"Wait, why are you surprised? I hope you know who you're dealing with here." Kagura only rolled her eyes as she led Kagome silently down several flights of stairs, through some twisting hallways, and finally into a dome-shaped room that distinctly creeped Kagome out. It was decidedly chilly at the lower level, perhaps being disconnected from the Demons, Inc. building as much as possible meant it wasn't getting regulated via an ever convenient thermostat. However, it did lend to the general atmosphere of the place being the deepest, darkest, most remote place of the dungeon. Everyone knows atmosphere is half the battle! (Half the battle to what, we may never know.)
Kagura smirked. "Are you still sure you don't want to tell me?"
Kagome took quick note of the room. It, like the rest of the dungeon, was constructed of dark stones. The sconces bracketed on the rounded walls bore bright torches that illuminated an array of strange metal utensils around the room.
"Is this a torture chamber from the middle ages?" Kagome asked. "This looks just like a sketch in my history book. Oh, don't tell me you're going to draw and quarter me or something like that if I don't tell you." Kagome offered an evil smile.
Kagura seemed a little thrown off. "Uh...you were just here yesterday, don't you remember the Special Therapy Machine?"
Somewhere in the distance, a horrified scream...
"That was weird," Kagome said after a moment of silence during which Kagura tried to figure out where exactly the noise had come from. "Anyway, may I please speak to Naraku before I'm re-introduced to this stupid machine?"
"Why? Does it have something to do with the Shikon Jewel?"
If it had been in Kagome's nature to do anything logical, she would have lied convincingly just then. Instead, she couldn't resist a chance to say something that would make herself laugh (mentally of course, she wasn't crazy or anything).
"No, it has to do with his enormously sized rump," she replied very professionally.
Kagura hissed at her and dragged her to the center of the room.
"Oh, is this the machine?" Kagome asked, showing more curiosity than fear. She was staring down at a concrete bench with an upholstery back crudely attached, as if someone had stolen it from a car rather than made it particularly for the machine. It had straps on it with titanium buckles that bore the logo Magical Princess Rin, and a strange concave piece of rubber attached to a metal arm was on a rolling stand next to it. "What the heck is this gonna do?" She noticed that the arm had a cord, and the cord was plugged into a power outlet, which took several points off the creepy middle ages torture machine factor and made it seem more like an electric toilet plunger gone wrong.
"Why the hell aren't you frightened?!" Kagura demanded in a low voice as she watched Kagome surveying it. "You are truly a baffling creature." She grabbed Kagome's arm yet again and dragged her closer, throwing her down onto the bench.
"No way, I don't think so," Kagome said as she jumped out of the chair. "I have no intention of figuring out this thing first-hand. You can go first."
Kagura gave Kagome a frustrated rake of claws across her face. "You annoying twit, sit down or I will destroy you!" Kagura yanked her arm again.
"No way!" Kagome repeated from behind a row of bleeding cuts. Her poor, delicate, angelic, fragile face! She struggled as Kagura latched onto her other arm. Kagome placed a foot into Kagura's gut and pushed forcefully. This always worked on her brother.
"Do you think those puny tactics will work on me? Kagome, you'll tell us about the Shikon Jewel or be tortured until you do!"
"Never! This is Sparta!" Kagome yelled as loudly as she could. Her shrieky voice gave Kagura a moment of weakness---the demon faltered. Kagome broke free and raced towards the door screaming out Sparta over and over. She ran right into a solid figure who had been standing in the doorway.
"Kagura," a tall man spoke with quiet power. Kagome's screams died in her throat as the man put a hand on her shoulder. She swallowed thickly. Now she was beginning to be afraid. This was no longer entertaining to her; as a matter of fact, things seemed to have moved out of her favor entirely. "This is the most embarrassing torture session I've ever witnessed."
"I apologize, boss," Kagura said with a barely contained sneer. "I invite you to try."
Naraku's thin mouth curved upward on one side in a smirk. "How does that sound, Kagome?"
"Not very pleasant," she squeaked as he turned her around gently. Now she knew why everyone called him boss rather than by his name. Why people had been afraid of disappointing him. Why he was, actually, in charge. This rather tall and well-built man, imprisoning her with a simple touch to the back, spoke of more power than Kagome had ever encountered before. It was in the lines of his face and the smooth voice, the unknowable eyes and the contemptible arrogance with which he carried himself.
So she did what anyone in her situation would do.
She began screaming and running in crazy circles.
Chapter 08: In Which Shippou Buys Something Useful From an Infomercial (Maybe)
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She didn't remember who she was, where she was, or why she was in that particular place. Hell, she didn't even remember what she was. Sometimes she thought she was just one more bar on the cell that contained her. So she would stand stock still and straight with all the other bars, but that got boring rather quickly. Occasionally she thought she was the sink, and stood by it and made a few random gurgling noises from time to time. Pretty soon she figured out that if you filled the real sink with water and plugged it up with a tissue paper from the toilet, you could see a reflection. That's how she learned she was a person. She recognized that those were people features. Nice black hair (although kind of shaggy), nice brown eyes, nice normal features. She scratched her cheek thoughtfully. Now, she needed to figure out why she was there.
The most logical way to go about doing such a thing was to decide what service this room could possibly provide a person, because she was a person and she happened to be in that room, therefore she must be in the room for a person's reason. If she knew what the room was for, then perhaps she would know what it was she needed to do.
Just as she was deciding that, no matter how useful, it was a rather ugly room, another person came to the bars that comprised one wall of the room, standing a foot or so away from the gritty cold iron. It almost made her smile to remember that one time when she had thought she was one of the bars. Had it only been fifteen minutes ago? It felt a lifetime. Without any personal memories, and with most of her frame of reference like a rotted cabbage, she felt positively newborn.
The other person did not have features as nice as hers. She was rather crudely cobbled together, in the mind of the girl in the room. She had pointed ears, which the girl in the room somehow felt were unnatural, and her eyes were a soggy red color like so much old rust. The other person narrowed her eyes and her lips parted, revealing slightly pointed teeth. That was not attractive at all to the girl in the room. She liked her people with nice, omnivorous teeth.
"You're awake," the woman outside the room stated.
"Quite awake," the woman inside answered back, glad to see that at least she had some communication skills, even though she couldn't remember how she had gotten them.
"Tell us how to activate the Shikon Jewel," this new person demanded.
"What is the Shikon Jewel?" she asked nicely. "I will be happy to help if I can."
Eyes narrowed further, until they were almost squinty. "Just make it easy on yourself. Tell us now and no one will have to torture you."
"I'm not sure what you're talking about."
The woman outside the room turned around and said, "I'm going to assume she's lying, but if you blockheads put a brick to her brain I swear I'm going to rip you all to fly paper."
"Why would someone have put a brick to my brain?" the woman inside asked. "Was I at all making a nuisance of myself?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, you were. Now tell us or else I'll have to let boss ask you, and boss is not a kind man. Actually, he's downright unpleasant."
"Why do you bother with him if he is unpleasant?" the woman inside asked.
"He pays well," the woman outside said.
* * *
Shippou had finally fallen asleep, after two solid days of crying. That's all that mattered to Inuyasha as he tried to concentrate on the road before him. Sango was sitting quietly in the passenger seat next to him, staring forward, while Miroku was sitting with Shippou in the back and watching the scenery pass by outside.Well, that's not really all that mattered to him. Not at all. But it was nice not to think about anything else as they traveled the long road back to to their home country.
Nobody had been happy with this plan in the beginning. It felt like they should be doing something more dynamic, like charging into some building, somewhere, where Kagome was being held prisoner. But there was nothing for it. The bat demon was gone, no one was forthcoming with details, and furthermore Inuyasha found out that he had been working for his brother all that time at the Magical Kingdom. It baffled him how his brother could own such an establishment, but apparently it was all for his adopted daughter Rin.
Well, anyway, they had no reason to stay in that place. Really, there was nothing else they could do. So they had hopped into the car and started driving back home.
"You know what's been bothering me?" Sango asked suddenly. "It's that damn hooded figure that chased Kagome when she first arrived here."
It was bothering everyone else, too. A lot of things were bothering them all simultaneously, which should have worn out all those things. But it didn't. They just bothered them all the more.
"Someone deliberately pulled her here," Miroku stated. "But who or why?"
"We'll find out soon enough," growled Inuyasha, stepping on the gas. "No one gets away with this shit."
In the back of his mind, he was remembering Kagome's accusation. That he had abandoned her. Now he had to prove that bitch wrong and show her that he would not ever abandon her. He did not wish that kind of torture on any of his fellow demons. Not even that jack ass who had stolen his crayons in the third grade and melted them down into a brown ooze that was eventually used to stop up one of the toilets in the boy's bathroom. Okay, that part had been a little funny, but not the part when his crayons had been stolen.
* * *
The bat demon, called Sam, paced around his hotel room. He was rightfully furious. Somehow? Somehow? Kagome had gotten away from him. Hadn't she?He had found out her old residence from the neighbor whose chair she had stolen. But that apartment had been abandoned with nothing in it but some dirty clothes and a white plastic lawn chair.
Boss wouldn't be happy, not at all. Sesshoumaru had found the girl the first time, and had been the one to tell Kagura, who had told boss. That was when he, the great bat demon Sam, had been contacted to abduct her. He had decided to hang out in the bar before making his move because the bar was the only place nearby that had the type of wood he was capable of consuming; he really had no way of knowing she would actually be there that night. He had planned to nab her in the early afternoon the next day. He would have followed Inuyasha home, hid somewhere nearby, and waited until everyone but the girl was gone. Then he would have snatched her. But it was much better to grab her right then and there that night and fly off with her.
What good luck that she had ventured out into public, and stumbled into the one place in the country that had food capable of sustaining the great bat demon Sam. Undeniably good luck.
And then she had gotten away. Right? Or had he already turned her in?
He hesitated in his pacing. It wasn't necessarily certain that she had gotten away. Kagura might actually have her now. The situation had been fifty-fifty. It was all a big confusion to poor Sam. Well, he decided to assume that Kagura had custody of Kagome. It was a good assumption that was making more and more sense the longer he thought about it. Mostly, that was because his memory wasn't very good and he tended to forget almost all new data every thirty minutes or so, so if he was thinking about something for too long the thoughts inevitably became facts to him for the next thirty minutes just because that kept his brain from pooping out. Once he had accidentally convinced himself that he was in fact two hundred and seventy pounds (he was one hundred and twelve, made of nice hollow bones), had eight eyes (he had only two, and neither worked especially well), and sold insurance for a living (not terribly different from being a professional assassin and kidnapper), all because he had been wondering what it would be like to have such attributes for five minutes too long. It was a confusing life he led.
He left the hotel room and started his voyage home, which he could locate from anywhere in the world (one of the few facts permanently stored in his brain). By the next day, he would completely forget that there was ever a person named Kagome, or a human in the demon world at all.
That's why he was a useful kidnapper and assassin, and also why he had forgotten every single one of his marriage anniversaries and court dates.
* * *
She stared at the human in the cell. Kagura had just returned from a slightly annoying issue. That bat had come yammering around for the second time, saying that he had found the human. But Kagura said no, her team had captured the human only hours before. Then the bat admitted it was deeply confused and supposed Kagura had the human after all, and then went away. This was good, because the bat didn't demand any sort of payment for helping track down the human, and the bat hadn't done an especially large amount of work anyway.Now that that particular matter had been cleared up, she stared at the woman who was on the dirty mattress in the cell. That fragile human had indeed forgotten just about everything, and was perfectly useless. More useless than those weight loss patches that banner ads are always trying to sell.
The human looked over at her, sat up, and smiled cheerfully.
"Alright, you must remember something," Kagura said through gritted teeth. She wished someone else had been assigned to the girl. This was too gentle for Kagura's liking. She preferred to take care of matters by running through her problems with a sharp object. If you want to talk about rendering a big problem into a bunch of smaller ones in order that they may be methodically solved in a grown-up fashion, splitting them down the middle with a sword is a great way to start.
"I remember that I am indeed a person, not a sink," she chirped.
Kagura dragged a hand down her face. Somehow her make-up didn't budge. "Your name is Kagome, alright? Kagome."
The woman frowned. "I don't recognize it. But if you say so."
"You came from the human world," she said. "You were brought here for a very specific purpose, and that purpose is to unlock the Shikon Jewel."
"Why?" the woman said. "What does the Shikon Jewel do?"
"I'm not at liberty to tell you that, Kagome." Suddenly Kagura smiled with a most evil grin, reminiscent to a woman who has just accepted a marriage proposal and is already planning her fiance's fate. "But to...stimulate your memory...I will introduce you to our special therapy machine..."
* * *
Shippou watched the television blearily-eyed. Everyone else had gone to sleep, and Sango had gone to her own home for the night. One apartment, another one---why did it matter where they stayed? Kagome was gone. Oh woe.He sniffled. His only consolation was the endless supply of infomercials. Oh, and listening to Inuyasha delete all the old messages from the answering machine. That was kind of exciting (especially when Inuyasha came across one of Kagome's many messages)...but not as exciting as his retail therapy.
He had bought all sorts of things. An exercise machine called the dough-flex, several bottles of perfume, an entire collection of mint coins, a few gem stones, an elixir of youth, a 10-CD set of nature tracks, a pet shark, and a calendar from 1832. They would be arriving any day now. He would just have to purchase more things in the meantime. And while he did so, Inuyasha's credit card bill was rising phenomenally, unbeknownst to him. He was in for a huge surprise at the end of the month. Namely one that would cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars.
But really, Shippou had nothing else to do. No one helped him on his math homework anymore; Kagome had always been the one to help before. So he was now failing math class. After only one day back. Let's not talk about how that happened. Everyone knows that math grades randomly plummet for no reason at all, especially at the end of the semester when it's time to worry about finals.
Now he was going to buy a juicer. Senseless fruit destruction sounded like his next big hobby. He would murder every orange he found in Kagome's honor, and he was going to start right away. That's right, he was going to get Overnight Shipping!
* * *
Kagome tried not to make too much noise as she gasped for air, ducking down behind some available trash cans. She rubbed her head painfully, which was still tender from the brick she'd been hit with, but she put that out of mind quickly enough. She gave a quick look around and noticed that things appeared to be normal. The demons in the street were going about their businesses in the usual fashion, frequently fighting with one another. All normal there. No one had chased her yet. Hopefully she would have some time before her disappearance was noticed...she had to hurry.First of all, she went back to the apartment...only to be told that the previous tenants had moved out and that she was a wanted woman for having stolen the plastic lawn chair, and could face up to five years in prison and up to $2000 in fines.
"Ah, alright, I'll go to jail, but let me just get my...pocketbook."
"That sounds acceptable to me," the landlord told her amicably, just as Kagome was wondering what exactly she would do with a pocketbook if she had one. Probably make Inuyasha hold it so that he would look feminine.
So Kagome left---to the nearest car dealership, where she extracted Inuyasha's credit card with a devilish smile, and browsed the selection of fine sports cars while singing a James Bond tune.
If the morning begins with TWO grand escapes from bloodlusty, not to mention murderous, demons, you might as well end it with a classy 1.8 million dollar car!
Inuyasha was going to be in debt the rest of his life. Kagome cackled evilly as she peeled out of the parking lot, unaware that Douglas the cars salesman was cowering in fear behind his desk. He was terrified of that downright humanly woman---and besides, who on the demon world had EVER insisted on paying full price without one dollar of bargaining involved?! It just wasn't right!
Finally gaining access to a major highway, convertible top down with the wind blowing through her unfortunately short hair, Kagome mentally reviewed her plan. First she was going to find this "boss" that everyone kept talking about and personally kick his rump out the window. Once she'd disposed of his body appropriately, she was going to go shopping, take over the demon world and instate a huge tax policy that would result in total and complete economic failure, and then she would return home. Once at home, she was going to ace Calculus.
Yeah, that's right. That Calculus exam wouldn't know what hit it!
Oh yes...she'd have to think of a good way to embarrass Inuyasha appropriately...(Because a 1.8 million dollar car wasn't suitable enough for revenge.)
* * *
"This just in! We've received word that the human who, several months ago, had escaped into our blighted, war-torn, and otherwise utopian paradise has finally been apprehended and appropriately disposed of. The president of Demons, Inc. has the following to say about this issue, including details on her gory death...""Oh no..." Sango mumbled. "Inuyasha...you'd better come see this."
Inuyasha moved away from the computer, where he'd been surfing Boogle and MeTube for the past fourteen hours straight for any spare scrap he could possibly associate with Kagome. He was wearing attractive glasses (never mind where those came from since demons have perfect eye sight). Finding clues to Kagome, to be honest, meant frequently watching lolcats slideshows.
"Oh shit. You don't think..." he mumbled.
"But I do..." Sango answered.
"Well," Miroku piped up. "That certainly explains a lot."
"It does?" Inuyasha asked. "Because I actually didn't have anything to finish my sentence."
Sango rolled her eyes. "Think about it for a moment. Think about Kagome's weird circumstances in arriving here. Think about how Kagura has been snooping around. And finally, think about how...why...could Demons, Inc. possibly be lying about having 'disposed' of Kagome?" Of course they would never believe that anybody could actually do Kagome in. It was just unthinkable. Beat her up, maybe. But kill her? Nah. Just wasn't happening.
"It's all clear to me now!" Miroku shouted like a man who has heard invisible angels sing on high. "Demons, Inc. is behind it all!"
Sango slapped her forehead in dismay. Sometimes she felt like a glorified babysitter. (Which, in fact, was exactly what she had been for the past few months.)
"Now Sango, let's celebrate this monumental discovery with---"
Sango glared at him. "You do not want to finish that sentence..."
Except that he did, and he would. Sango rewarded him appropriately. Miroku spent the rest of the afternoon, teary-eyed and smoking from his hair, trying to tape back together the pages from his immense naughty magazine collection. He couldn't believe that Sango would be so cruel as to rip them all to shreds...and that Inuyasha was willing to sit nearby and laugh hysterically the entire time.
* * *
"What do you mean a routine traffic stop?!" Kagome yelled at the policeman who had dared pulled her over."We do these things at the border! Now where's your passport?" he shouted back. "We have to ensure you're legally crossing!"
Kagome was in deep trouble. Not only did she not have a passport, she didn't have any ID at all, no insurance papers, and the car was even in Inuyasha's name anyway because she had forged his signature. The car of course had every intention of keeping Kagome's secret. (This is where it winks at you conspiratorially.)
"Well, where's YOUR passport?!" she demanded. "I insist on seeing your passport first! You're probably not even a real cop!" She ignored the fact that he was surrounded by every other cop patrolling the area---about twenty of them---and a matching ring of cop cars with their lights going. If it was a ploy it was a rather good one.
"What the hell? Just cooperate or I'll have to arrest you!"
"You don't have to arrest me, you just want to arrest me!" Kagome was really running out of ammo for this and was trying to think of a monumental escape plan. She wondered how she could escape kidnapper demons twice and yet be done in by a routine traffic check.
"At the rate you're going, of course I want to arrest you!"
"Wait a minute!" Kagome shouted. "This is police brutality!" She was pretty sure it actually wasn't police brutality at all, but she had always wanted to yell that out at the top of her lungs.
The cop's jaw dropped. All the other police took several steps backwards, their faces plainly horrified.
"Please, miss, please don't say that! You have no idea what you're about to do!" the cop begged, looking around to make sure there weren't any camera crews nearby to catch her statement.
"And now you're insulting me as well! That's it! I'm taking this story to the PRESS!" she threatened gleefully, pointing her finger into the air to emphasize her exclamation.
"Fine! You can go! Just please, for the love of television, don't take it to the press!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, stepping out of the way with a mouthful of swear words. The other cops accompanied him and went off to move their cars out of the way, grumbling like a bunch of empty stomachs (or it may have just been Kagome's empty stomach).
"Sure thing!" Kagome said with a thumbs-up as she racked back up to top speed. Not that she was going anywhere in particular---she had no clue where this "boss" was. Maybe that part of the plan should come after she took over the demon world...
* * *
Kagome stopped to get dinner the moment a town came into sight. She settled for trying to clean out an all-you-can eat buffet, starting with the desserts section. (Every demon who came tried this, as they have enormous appetites, and yet, somehow, the restaurant had managed to stay in business. It was the only all-you-can eat buffet in the entire demon world, and everyone figured they got most of their funding from shady backroom deals.) As she stuffed another bite of triple-layer chocolate cake with chocolate icing and chocolate shavings into her mouth, she considered writing a best-selling fad diet book. Eat whatever you want, as much as you want, and annoy everyone else in the process. A guide to causing demons as much trouble as possible while eating as much as possible."What the hell were you thinking?!" a caustic voice sounded out behind her before she could think of the opening line of her book. She sat straight up and dropped her fork, but didn't turn around. Slowly she picked up her fork again and took a bite, pretending not to hear the voice behind her. "Do you know how hard we've been looking for you?! And here you are eating cake of all things!"
Kagome turned around and gave a deadpan stare to the group advancing on her.
"How the hell did you even get this far away from the apartment?!"
Kagome narrowed her eyes and cast a quick glance around the buffet. No one was staring at the scene being caused by the angry group. Demons are violent creatures. If you come into a restaurant peacefully, that's what'll get you a roomful of stares.
"Wait a minute..." Kagome grumbled, picking up her fork higher. She was prepared to fling cake if necessary. Poor cake. It was born to lead a miserable life, the fate of all cakes. This particular cake had never been happy a day in its life.
"Come on, bitch! Let's go kick the slimy ass of that bastard who kidnapped you!"
"Alrighty!" Kagome replied happily. She flung her fork down onto her plate and vaulted over her chair. (The cake later got thrown into the trash, made a daring escape, and became the first sentient cake known to demonkind; shortly it became a millionaire and was no longer miserable, until someone finally ate it, at which point it became miserable again.) She smiled evilly. "Let's take my ride!"
* * *
"Alright, it's time to get this started."Kagome grinned. "You bet. Let's go!" While the demons scattered, Kagome boldly approached a tall office building. It had the Demons, Inc. logo in big white letters on the top. She had no idea who those demons had been, but they had seemed to know her well enough. And they had led her straight to Demons, Inc. headquarters, where apparently her captor was. That was good enough for her.
Kagome decided it was best to do things with a head-on approach. Bare-footed, still wearing boxer shorts and a tee-shirt belonging to the others, smelly as sin, hair in a cloudy mess, she moved to the door and pushed inside. The building was nicely air-conditioned, and a big oak desk in the middle of the room was manned by a petite secretary typing busily. A coffee table with three plush chairs around it sat in one corner to serve as a waiting room. Surprisingly there was actually one styrofoam cup of coffee on it. Two doors were on either side of the desk, both closed with card-key readers on them.
"Hello," Kagome chirped cheerfully to the secretary as she walked by to one of the doors. "I had a lovely lunch break."
The woman just stared at her with something akin to disbelief, mouth slightly parted, even as Kagome pulled out Inuyasha's credit card. The telephone rang and she turned away from Kagome to answer. Happily Kagome moved to the door and slid the credit card between it and the doorjamb. With a satisfying click it popped open and she moved inside, somewhat surprised that such a simple thing worked. (Were the key readers for decoration?) She was going to try it out in the zoo the instant she got home.
Once inside, her cheer morphed into horror. She was staring down an endless hallway with pristine white doors, each with gold nameplates. For a moment she terribly thought she would have to search each room. After a quick glance around the hall, however, she located a stairwell and rushed downstairs (of course, after she personally unscrewed and removed the bolted door), even more horrified as the obsessively clean office turned into a dungeon. Complete with stone walls and flickering torches. Maybe she should have tried the upstairs first...
"Oh brother," she said as she moved past the first cell. In moving by the second she stopped stock still and stared inside. "Hey you!" she called.
A woman, previously lying in the bed, looked up and smiled tiredly. "Hello," she said. "I'm Kagome."
"...Wait a minute...I have to think about this for a sec..."
Was this a robot designed to take her place? A brain-washed demon? Could demons even be brain-washed? Did they even have brains? Kagome narrowed her eyes at the woman inside. They looked a little alike, but weren't distinctly similar. Sure, the same hair...similar eyes...but definitely different bones. So the woman inside wasn't even Kagome's evil twin.
"Darn it, I've always wanted an evil twin," she announced. "Kagome" from inside the cell looked at her oddly.
"What's an evil twin?" she asked.
"Never mind that. Are you sure you're Kagome? Because I'm Kagome."
The woman frowned. "No, but if you're Kagome, too, I suppose you're the one they're actually looking for."
"Someone's looking for me?" she asked, slightly bewildered just because she liked to make that particular expression. "Who?"
"A man named Naraku, though everyone calls him "the boss." A lady named Kagura will be by soon if you want to hang around and talk to them. They aren't terribly pleasant people, but I don't think they're bad at heart...they just want to activate something called the Shikon Jewel."
"What's a Shikon Jewel? Hey, never mind. I've got a plan, Kagome! Wait a minute...are you a human?"
"Of course," the other Kagome scoffed.
Kagome blinked. "Well I'll be! It seems there are two of us in this world after all. How did you get here?"
"I don't remember. I've lost my memory," she said, getting a sort of nostalgic look on her face. (She was remembering when she had first found out she was a human.)
"Oh. Oh well, like I said before. I've got a plan, Kagome! Watch what I can do..."
The other Kagome watched patiently as Kagome slipped through the cell bars and joined her in captivity. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. When they come, you'll hide under the bed and I'll pretend to be you. I'll kick Naraku's bum-bum!"
"Okay," the other woman said cheerfully. "But be careful, because they---"
"Shh, hide! Here comes somebody!" Kagome raced to the bars to see who was coming. Almost immediately she recognized Kagura, elegant, tall, and as well-groomed as she had been during Kagome's first observation. Kagura came to stand by the bars, briefly narrowed her eyes at Kagome before shaking her head, and then pulled a cigarette out of a silver case in her coat pocket.
"So, Kagome," she began as she perfumed the place up with smoke. "Do you feel like telling me about the Shikon Jewel today?"
"Nope," she said cheerfully. "Mainly because I have no clue what you're talking about."
Kagura closed her eyes and sighed. "I'll give you a moment to reconsider..."
"You needn't give me that long," Kagome said. "I'm not going to suddenly know what a Shikon Jewel is. Are they mined in Brazil? That's where aquamarines are mined. Hey, do you know where rubies are mined? I'm not sure. Africa maybe? What's your favorite gem stone? My friend Eri, she hates any gem that costs less than a thousand dollars. She's lost three boyfriends that way. Oh yes, anyway, perhaps if you tell me about the Shikon I can help you out. Where's Naraku?"
Kagura watched her suspiciously. "I see your memory is beginning to come back..."
"It comes in little waves. Hey, where's Naraku? I need to ask him a question."
Kagura shook her head. "Kagome, if you're going to refuse to tell me anything, you know what I'll have to do."
"Take me to see Naraku? Possibly clean my toilet? Stop smoking in my face?"
With a frown, Kagura said, "That's that, then. Come along, I'll take you to the uh, Special Therapy Machine."
The other Kagome underneath the bed let out a horrifying scream of terror and pain.
"What the hell was that?!" Kagura snapped, looking around the dungeon's hallways. The reverberating echoes of the other Kagome's screams were particularly loud against the stone walls. Kagome swore she even saw a torch flicker out.
"My stomach," Kagome replied. "I'm devilishly hungry."
Kagura huffed. "Whatever, uncooperative brat." She popped open the cell's door and grabbed Kagome by the wrist. "I'm really surprised you've lasted this long. I guess all those rumors about humans might be founded on some simple grain of truth..."
"Wait, why are you surprised? I hope you know who you're dealing with here." Kagura only rolled her eyes as she led Kagome silently down several flights of stairs, through some twisting hallways, and finally into a dome-shaped room that distinctly creeped Kagome out. It was decidedly chilly at the lower level, perhaps being disconnected from the Demons, Inc. building as much as possible meant it wasn't getting regulated via an ever convenient thermostat. However, it did lend to the general atmosphere of the place being the deepest, darkest, most remote place of the dungeon. Everyone knows atmosphere is half the battle! (Half the battle to what, we may never know.)
Kagura smirked. "Are you still sure you don't want to tell me?"
Kagome took quick note of the room. It, like the rest of the dungeon, was constructed of dark stones. The sconces bracketed on the rounded walls bore bright torches that illuminated an array of strange metal utensils around the room.
"Is this a torture chamber from the middle ages?" Kagome asked. "This looks just like a sketch in my history book. Oh, don't tell me you're going to draw and quarter me or something like that if I don't tell you." Kagome offered an evil smile.
Kagura seemed a little thrown off. "Uh...you were just here yesterday, don't you remember the Special Therapy Machine?"
Somewhere in the distance, a horrified scream...
"That was weird," Kagome said after a moment of silence during which Kagura tried to figure out where exactly the noise had come from. "Anyway, may I please speak to Naraku before I'm re-introduced to this stupid machine?"
"Why? Does it have something to do with the Shikon Jewel?"
If it had been in Kagome's nature to do anything logical, she would have lied convincingly just then. Instead, she couldn't resist a chance to say something that would make herself laugh (mentally of course, she wasn't crazy or anything).
"No, it has to do with his enormously sized rump," she replied very professionally.
Kagura hissed at her and dragged her to the center of the room.
"Oh, is this the machine?" Kagome asked, showing more curiosity than fear. She was staring down at a concrete bench with an upholstery back crudely attached, as if someone had stolen it from a car rather than made it particularly for the machine. It had straps on it with titanium buckles that bore the logo Magical Princess Rin, and a strange concave piece of rubber attached to a metal arm was on a rolling stand next to it. "What the heck is this gonna do?" She noticed that the arm had a cord, and the cord was plugged into a power outlet, which took several points off the creepy middle ages torture machine factor and made it seem more like an electric toilet plunger gone wrong.
"Why the hell aren't you frightened?!" Kagura demanded in a low voice as she watched Kagome surveying it. "You are truly a baffling creature." She grabbed Kagome's arm yet again and dragged her closer, throwing her down onto the bench.
"No way, I don't think so," Kagome said as she jumped out of the chair. "I have no intention of figuring out this thing first-hand. You can go first."
Kagura gave Kagome a frustrated rake of claws across her face. "You annoying twit, sit down or I will destroy you!" Kagura yanked her arm again.
"No way!" Kagome repeated from behind a row of bleeding cuts. Her poor, delicate, angelic, fragile face! She struggled as Kagura latched onto her other arm. Kagome placed a foot into Kagura's gut and pushed forcefully. This always worked on her brother.
"Do you think those puny tactics will work on me? Kagome, you'll tell us about the Shikon Jewel or be tortured until you do!"
"Never! This is Sparta!" Kagome yelled as loudly as she could. Her shrieky voice gave Kagura a moment of weakness---the demon faltered. Kagome broke free and raced towards the door screaming out Sparta over and over. She ran right into a solid figure who had been standing in the doorway.
"Kagura," a tall man spoke with quiet power. Kagome's screams died in her throat as the man put a hand on her shoulder. She swallowed thickly. Now she was beginning to be afraid. This was no longer entertaining to her; as a matter of fact, things seemed to have moved out of her favor entirely. "This is the most embarrassing torture session I've ever witnessed."
"I apologize, boss," Kagura said with a barely contained sneer. "I invite you to try."
Naraku's thin mouth curved upward on one side in a smirk. "How does that sound, Kagome?"
"Not very pleasant," she squeaked as he turned her around gently. Now she knew why everyone called him boss rather than by his name. Why people had been afraid of disappointing him. Why he was, actually, in charge. This rather tall and well-built man, imprisoning her with a simple touch to the back, spoke of more power than Kagome had ever encountered before. It was in the lines of his face and the smooth voice, the unknowable eyes and the contemptible arrogance with which he carried himself.
So she did what anyone in her situation would do.
She began screaming and running in crazy circles.
* * *
Comments: Okay, so Shippou didn't buy something useful this chapter. I guess that's next chapter. I ran out of room. o_O (For some reason, the thought of Inuyasha watching lolcats slideshows really entertains me...like...disproportionately entertains me.)