InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Destroyed Happiness ❯ Destroyed Happiness 9 ( Chapter 9 )

Destroyed happiness

 

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Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make money off my stories.

 

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Honestly, what should he have expected? To have her flying right into his arms when their so-called relationship was still so frail and hazy? To have her lips press upon his with the same ardent passion as they once shared? Or perhaps to spend the rest of his life with her, with their child? As far as he was concerned, he considered his penance paid. He'd suffered for his lies and for the misunderstandings his idiocy had caused, but really? Why was she still so cold?

 

“Are you having second thoughts?”

 

“Hm?” The seemingly troubled woman turned her head towards Inuyasha only to see him look at her with something unrecognizable in his eyes. Was that… No, she didn't want to say anything before knowing for sure. What was that mad flicker in his eyes?

 

Confusion wrapped around her like a woolen blanket, and she wasn't even cold to begin with. Perhaps life was trying to screw her up for her indecision, because, yes, she was aware that she was simply unable to let go of the past.

 

What's wrong with me?

 

Two months had passed. Two months since she had heard the confirmation that Inuyasha still loved her, and that he was willing to help rebuild their life. But so far they had only managed to spend more time with Aiko. Together, but apart. Was that how the rest of their lives would be?

 

Why can't I forget? I forgave him, he certainly forgave me, but…

 

It was because of the memories. The haunting, blasted memories that wouldn't let her sleep at night. As she lay in bed trying to rest, thoughts and ideas and memories would come unexpectedly, trapping her and stealing her air. She couldn't breathe. At night, she couldn't make up her mind. And consequently, she couldn't make any decisions during daytime, either.

 

Kagome was torn between staying away from Inuyasha and having him as close as possible. She wanted him in her life, but out of it as well. She didn't want to decide. If she thought about it more, perhaps she didn't want to forget.

 

Did she?

 

I'm torturing both of us, and Aiko…

 

The little girl just couldn't understand why her mommy and daddy didn't live together just like the other children's did. Kagome had lied, saying that Inuyasha had a job in a farther place, mainly because Aiko was too young to understand. She couldn't burden the sweet little soul with `adult problems'. They had to solve this by themselves.

 

But how?

 

“Hey, are you paying attention?”

 

Kagome snapped out of her thoughts when she felt his hand shake her shoulder. Her couch was comfortable, but now it seemed cold as they sat next to each other. She realized she must have lost herself to her problems.

 

“Sorry, what did you say?”

 

“We really need to talk.”

 

His face was so serious and his eyes were too intense for her liking. She feared talking to him, she really didn't want to do it now - perhaps some other time, but why now? The next day would be as good a time as any other, right?

 

“I'm sorry, my head aches a bit and I'd rather-”

 

“No, Kagome, your head doesn't hurt,” Inuyasha cut her off matter-of-factly and perhaps even a bit ticked off - what had she expected? He still knew her better than anyone. “And we are going to have this talk, because I'm sick of it.”

 

She gulped, mostly because it was the only way of expressing the true way she felt without him noticing. Or perhaps how her hands trembled and how her palms were sweating would betray her?

 

“You're sick of what?” She was playing the innocent card; she was aware of it, not that Inuyasha wasn't, too, but honestly, what other choice did she have? Stalling was what she was going for.

 

“Don't play games. I've don't know what else you need to get over this. Face it, Kagome, I've never cheated on you, you have never cheated on me, we have a beautiful, sweet, smart daughter - that may soon realize things are more complicated than you make them to be - and you need to pull your mind off from wherever you keep it, because things can't stay like this anymore. I'm tired. I'm honestly,” he whispered with a frown, his eyes almost closed, “sincerely, truly tired, and I can't keep up with you anymore.”

 

“Keep up with me?” It was her turn to frown.

 

“You keep throwing things at me and expecting me to deal with them. I can't do it anymore. I'm… a human being. People make mistakes Kagome, and they atone. Haven't I atoned for mine?”

 

If she didn't know better, she would have said he was close to tears, but he was really simply weary. Worn out.

 

A sigh escaped her lips as her eyes collided with her lap. Why couldn't she look him in the eyes anymore?

 

“I'm sorry…”

 

The words tasted bitter, but it was to be expected. Why had she been so deliberately selfish? Had it been to punish him? Certainly not. Herself? Maybe. A bit, but no, not that either. So when Kagome thought more about it, how come she couldn't come up with any answers? The best way to go about things was to pour out her heart.

 

“It's not that I can't forgive you, because I already have, it's just…” Without her realizing, a few stray tears trickled down her otherwise dry cheeks. Her doe-like eyes looked at him sheepishly, as if he held all the answers in the world. “Why can't I forget?” Her question was mostly whispered and Inuyasha had to strain his ears to pick it up, but when he did his heart thumped faster.

 

He understood now. The memories, they had to be really ugly. How would he have reacted if a man had come barging through their door claiming he wanted a divorce from his wife? Would he have been as forgiving? Even if things had been clarified, it was still hard to grasp, hard to… imagine what she had been through.

 

“It's just,” she continued, “when I left I didn't know what to think. Would you do this with any other woman? Would I wake up one day and find you married to another woman? A third one? Would I even find out? Because if she hadn't come looking for you, Kikyou would have never found out, would she? It was so hard, thinking about those things when all I wanted to do is stay in your arms and have you whisper to me that it would all be all right. I wanted to be with you so much, but it was so impossible at the time and… it was just so hard when I found out I was pregnant.”

 

His heart clenched inside his chest at that thought. It was always the reminder that he had never seen his daughter when she was just a baby. He hadn't heard her say her first words, hadn't been there to see her take her first steps. Hadn't taught her anything, really, except for these last months, when they had been closer than ever. His relationship with his little angel perhaps overcame even Kagome's with her. Even if she was Aiko's mother, Inuyasha had so much to make up for and he spent all the more time with Aiko.

 

“It was hard calling you, it took a while. Ayumi kept telling me I shouldn't, I shouldn't, but… I had to. I wanted to. And when Sesshomaru picked up I almost lost my nerve. My voice was trembling so hard; I was a wreck. And Sesshomaru, the way he worded it... I thought you'd left for good. I thought it would be too hard to bring you back. I thought you wanted to be away from everything. So I took the easy way out. I let myself think you didn't want anything to do with me, and… you know the rest.”

 

Yes, he did know the rest.

 

“So you can't forget,” he repeated, avoiding her gaze, even though he didn't have to, because she was doing the same.

 

She didn't bother to answer; she just nodded, and he didn't see it, but felt it instead.

 

“I don't know what to do, Kagome. I can't… I don't want to go on like this.”

 

Panic overtook her like an earthquake meant to rattle her whole world. Did he mean he was done trying?

 

“You have to try harder, I… I don't know how much more I can take.” And it wasn't just drama... it was pure torture for him to have her within touching distance and not being able to express himself as he should. He wanted to be able to call her his again, to have her by his side always. Always. He wanted vows, promises of joy and trust and being together. If she couldn't give him that, then why should he still try so hard?

 

“What do you mean? You're not thinking-”

 

“I don't know what I'm thinking anymore, Kagome,” he cut her off. “I just... I wish you made up your mind. I wish you were ready to take a step forward.”

 

As suddenly as something unexpected could happen, Kagome's mind conjured up an answer that should have been clear from the very beginning. It held such logic, it was so natural that she wondered how she hadn't thought about it earlier.

 

Brilliantly, with a smile Inuyasha hadn't seen in a long time, Kagome put her hand on his larger one on his thigh.

 

“I know what I have to do.”

 

He smiled, too, mostly because he was eager to solve their problems, but he was curious, as well.

 

“Kikyou,” she said simply, a smile on her lips, and Inuyasha raised a dark eyebrow.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“I have to find Kikyou and talk to her.”

 

She was determined, it showed.

 

“Why?” His voice was shaky - what if that made things worse? What if it exterminated every chance to get her back? Kikyou was not a bad woman, but maybe she was bitter about him?

 

“I have to sit through her part of the story. I just have to; I feel it deep inside me. Right here,” she said and flattened his palm before pressing it against her chest to let him feel the beating of her heart. “I have to know everything and to hear it once again before I can forget. It's just… a necessity. I think it's what I've been missing.”

 

He sighed. Honestly, he didn't care too much about her decision, but if it brought her back to him, then why ever not?

 

~*~*~*~

 

It wasn't hard for them to find her. After all, she was married to a relatively well-known man and they had two cute twins together. Naturally, they were adopted, but Kagome was convinced Kikyou was a good mother.

 

It wasn't surprising that Kikyou accepted the invitation to lunch - Kagome decided it; dinner would have been a bit too out of line. The woman's unconcealed surprise didn't come as a shock either - she was entitled to any type of emotion of the sort.

 

“Inuyasha,” Kikyou said with a nod as she put her bag on a chair and placed her coat on the back rest then sat down. “Kagome,” she said next, looking at the woman with hidden emotions.

 

“Kikyou,” Kagome spoke first, “it was my idea to have lunch together.”

 

Straight to the point.

 

Inuyasha pursed his lips - how long would it be till something happened and it all went down the toilet? He was sure it would happen like that. It always did.

 

Kikyou sighed, crossing her arms over her chest defensively as she leaned back. “Inuyasha and I are history. I'm married now, you already know that.”

 

Kagome nodded. “Yes, I do. I just… can you tell me about it once again?”

 

Kikyou's perfect eyebrow flicked upwards. “What do you mean?”

 

“Tell me about your marriage. Tell me about… tell me what happened.”

 

The woman sitting across them nodded wordlessly, looking as if she was raking her brain to collect long-lost memories. It was funny, because what Kikyou was desperately trying to remember now was haunting Kagome's every step.

 

“We were married and our relationship was visibly falling apart, but neither of us did anything about it. Then Inuyasha started spending more and more time away from home, coming later and later until sometimes he wouldn't come at all. I suspected he was having an affair, but I didn't want to think about it. At first it hurt, but then I grew used to it, mainly because I had become accustomed. So when he came home saying he wanted a divorce, I stalled. At first I didn't want to hear about it, then he kept pushing and pushing and I finally noticed how desperate he was, so I decided to give it to him. But there were a few issues, and after a few years from that supposed divorce I found out I couldn't marry because the papers weren't okay.”

 

“What about in between?” Kagome asked, remembering about that one “date” Inuyasha and Kikyou had shared.

 

“Oh, well…” Was it just her or Kikyou was blushing? “We agreed to talk about things, and… well, it wasn't exactly a date, even though for me it did seem like one. After all, I had been his wife and it was hard to be friends with a man you had once loved, do you understand?”

 

Kagome supposed she did… and her heart felt lighter.

 

“That's all?” Kagome asked with a smile that Kikyou returned.

 

“It is,” the other woman nodded.

 

Then they talked about small stuff, and once in a while Inuyasha participated in the conversation, but otherwise he just stood there, amazed at how smoothly things had gone.

 

Was this it? Would this be their chance?

 

~*~*~*~

 

The little girl was so incredibly sweet and his heart soared so high whenever she called him `daddy'. His happiness exceeded normal boundaries and it should be considered illegal, but he didn't care. He took her into his arms and swung her in the air, making her giggle. The most precious thing in the world - that was what she was. Part of him and Kagome. Part of what had brought them together, part of their future.

 

“It's cold outside,” Kagome said as she entered his apartment - honestly, one could call it hers as well; she spent more time there than at her place anyway. “It's raining, too,” she added, closing her umbrella and taking off her wet shoes and coat. Her smile was bright when she saw the father and daughter interact.

 

“Welcome home, mommy,” he joked, putting Aiko down so she could give her mommy a big, fat, juicy kiss.

 

“Good to be home,” she joked back but their hearts skipped a simultaneous beat. “Did you play nice?' Kagome asked Aiko, since the little devil had the tendency to play unfair and they were trying to teach her she should always be correct.

 

“Yes, mommy.”

 

“Really?” Inuyasha questioned from behind and blood rushed to the girl's cheeks. Her father wasn't angry, but his tone was serious so she knew not to lie.

 

“Well…” she said, avoiding her mother's gaze. When Kagome ruffled her hair however, little Aiko looked upwards with a moist smile.

 

“Don't worry. You'll learn,” Kagome said, kissing her daughter's forehead. “What about you?” This time, the woman's eyes met Inuyasha's.

 

“I've been a good boy,” he answered playfully. It had only been a couple of days since the meeting with Kikyou and things were already going way better.

 

“Okay then, let's put this little girl to sleep,” Kagome said with a lighthearted glint in her eyes and Aiko shrieked before running to her new bedroom, her mother following closely behind. It wasn't long before the little girl was tickled to sleep.

 

“You sure know how to wear her out,” Inuyasha commented, stroking Kagome's hair as her head rested on his lap on the couch. They were “watching TV”. Truthfully, Kagome was much too tired and had asked Inuyasha to lend her his lap for comfort.

 

“I'm her mother. What do you expect?” she murmured sleepily.

 

“Hey,” Inuyasha said almost childishly. “I have an idea.” Without warning, he shook his legs, effectively nudging her head and chasing away her drowsiness.

 

“What was that for?” she asked with a frown, rubbing her eyes and the back of her head.

 

“Come with me,” he urged, grabbing his keys and dragging her by the wrist.

 

“Aiko's alone and-” Kagome started to protest, but Inuyasha cut her off immediately.

 

“She's asleep.”

 

“I'm in my slippers,” she argued as he dragged her through the door and locked it behind them. “Inuyasha, it's cold outside.”

 

“Shut up, Kagome,” he said affectionately, “you're coming with me and that's that.”

 

She grunted, trying to deny the fact that her blood was pumping furiously throughout her veins.

 

Together they sped up the stairs and reached the rooftop. It was dark and thousands of little, glimmering flickers lit the universe developing before their eyes. Kagome's breath was caught in her throat at the beauty of the still evening and she didn't even notice Inuyasha's embrace - it simply felt natural.

 

His arms wrapped around her waist, Inuyasha placed his lips on her neck, closing his eyes in pure contentment. He didn't know if she'd allow him more contact, but it was enough. This was enough.

 

How I've missed this…

 

Without realizing, Kagome's arm wrapped itself around Inuyasha's neck, but her eyes didn't stray from the beauty of the dark city. His breath was searing upon her sensitive skin and her spine tingled with excited shivers, but she couldn't comprehend it. A moist tongue flicked out to taste her sweetness and Kagome closed her eyes abruptly, melting into him completely, counting on him to support her body. Her head tilted to the side to grant him more access and a small smile tugged at her lips until it conquered them.

 

“I love you.”

 

This time, it was she who said it, but Inuyasha didn't stop as she'd thought she would. Instead, he continued to rain kisses on her neck, hungry for more. His right hand pulled up the hem of her shirt to touch bare skin and her smile grew as she caressed his nape, a sensitive spot for him. He nipped her skin as a reward, holding her closer.

 

“I've missed this,” he said, brushing his lips against her earlobe.

 

“I've missed it, too,” she whispered back.

 

“I want to have you as my wife again. You'll be the only one. It's always been you, Kagome.”

 

Surprisingly, she didn't freak out at the idea.

 

“I want to be your wife, too.”

 

And they both knew their days together would grow into something beyond their imagination.