InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Difference between Wanting and Needing ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

A/N: Not so sure about the Inuyasha/Kagome interaction so feel free to correct. Sorry it took so long …things happen.

Difference between Wanting and Needing

Chapter 3

Hojo Jidai.

Even the name sounds boring. You should have listened to your instincts. But Kagome hadn't which resulted in spending an evening with a boy who could probably find enjoyment out of watching paint dry. The image of the young man in front her immediately sprang up in her mind; him watching a wet bench closely inspecting the crevices as the paint settled and saying excitedly; "Wow did you see that!"

"Kagome?" a voice said to her curiously, breaking her from her tiny day dream.

The young girl blinked as she realized she was still on the date with the sweet looking boy she had mistakenly picked up a week ago. She looked up seeing that the two weren't alone but a man wearing dark clothes and a green apron was staring at her expectently.

"What would you like to drink?" asked the man impatiently at seeing the unspoken question in Kagome's gray eyes.

"Sprite?" the end of her voice raising an octave as if asking a question still. She didn't really know what she wanted except that she didn't want to be there. The waiter nodded before walking off, getting lost into the crowd of people in the small café.

Kagome sighed as she stared off after the man; staring into the crowd. The café was a very nice place actually. The scent of baked goods and coffee had permeated everything in the café, down to the clothing of the workers. The place was a favorite of not only Kagome but Sango's as well; she always managed to settle her nerves and frustration within the burgundy and brown setting.

Usually.

Today was different though. It would be unfair to call the boy in front of her an idiot, in fact he was very bright considering the fact all his knowledge was about home remedies given to him be his grandmother. He talked about the medicine that could cure almost anything, which if she were a mother would be very helpful. But she wasn't so it was kind of weird. Of course maybe he would stop with the remedies if she would stop with the far off daydream stare and looks that he would sum up to pain but were really products of boredom.

Kagome looked outside and watched as people moved hurriedly through the threatening sprinkles of rain. It was cloudy and it was going to rain but nothing that should have had people running. A man walked by holding his umbrella as a protective shield against the droplets. She didn't understand why people were so averse to getting wet. She didn't like getting soaked either but it wasn't like the rain was acid or anything. A girl walked by umbrella in hand but unlike the man, she would move her umbrella aside to taste the sky.

For some reason that girl reminded her of a time when she did the exact same thing only it was with her father.

Stop it.

Her mind switched gears to the situation at hand. I can't believe I said yes…again. It was the same thought that had been plaguing her for the past two dates. Two dates… the statement ran across her mind and Kagome couldn't help but congratulate her self on her own patience. Normally, someone like Hojo would be a one-date affair; too boring to really go after.

It was just after a date he would ask to see her again and it was beyond her to say no to someone so sweet looking…so innocent. So she would say yes and see his eye light up and the smile on his face. She would promise to call him when she found the time and she did call him because her mother always told her liars were the worst types of people. Kagome liked to believe that she was better than the worst type of people.

When another tired sigh passed through her lips; the sweet boy asked with a creased forehead and knit eyebrows; "Are you okay?"

Kagome just shook her head, a small wave of relief flooding her. "It's just …Hojo, I'm so tired suddenly." She said feigning sleepiness and putting her hand to her forehead.

He was so caring.

He nodded in agreement; "You have been seeming tired whenever we go out." He was already standing up and walking to her side to pull out her chair for her before he even said; "Maybe I should take you home. Rest is best to feel better."

Kagome stood holding the tiny smile to herself. She knew it was wrong to be pretending but she didn't if she could take another second with Hojo. He was a gentleman though, pulling out her seat for her, paying for the drinks even though they hadn't even gotten them yet and tipping the waiter very well for work he never did.

He could do so much better. A girl who actually looks for this type of stuff.

Walking outside, Kagome took another glance to the sky. It was darker than she had seen inside the store and she slightly wondered if she would get home before the lightening started.

Hojo looked up at the sky trying to see what she did but instead of saying something about getting out of the rain or how to heal a cold sore he said; "You're eyes are the color of the sky."

Kagome would have rolled her eyes at the statement if it weren't true. She wouldn't have admitted it out loud but the clueless wonder beside her was right. The clearness was there that she say every day in the mirror; but she couldn't help but realize that it bothered her.

She quickly turned her eyes to the gray cement below her. isthere no color here? She needed something with color, something different.

"Do you wanna do something later this week?" the boy beside her asked suddenly breaking her train of thought. She realized they weren't in front of the café anymore but walking to the metro a few blocks down. They had walked the entire time in silence; that wasn't very good. Like she had already discovered in the time with him she thought a lot more about things that were better pushed aside. In silence it was easier to reflect.

Where was that sudden car accident to take everyone's attention away at that moment? Obviously not at their corner. She looked over to the boy looking down at his shoes; too shy to ask her eye to eye. So sweet but not what she wanted.

"Hojo…I'm not quite sure about this thing we have."

++++++

Kagome idly walked on the sidewalk eyes transfixed on the gray cement becoming quickly speckled with raindrops. Connecting the dots, Kagome tried forgetting Hojo.

"Such a failure." She whispered, about herself or the date, she unconsciously refused to answer. Another date, another person who couldn't give her whatever the hell it was she was looking for.

What's wrong with you Kagome? When had the void inside her spread? Why was it she could see a problem inside her but didn't have it in her to care enough to fix it? She shook her head, still glaring at the slowly darkening cement; there's nothing wrong, you just haven't found a guy with something that you really like. Her mind unconsciously going through a list of names and faces, all with great attributes none with the prize she felt someone special would have.

The confused girl shook her head again at her train of thought. Stop Kagome you sound like all those other lovesick morons at school. Just have fun while you can. How many times had her mother told her youth was wasted on the young and the like? She wasn't about to waste away what youth she did have on pining away for a boy who, for all she knew, didn't even exist.

PING PING

The echoing noise of something hitting metal sailed through the silence of the tree-lined streets. Kagome raised her head and realized just what the raucous was. It was Inuyasha, hammering away at something on the black iron-wrought gates of the shrine.

She didn't normally like being near the shrine. In fact she mildly surprised that she had even walked in the direction of the shrine in the first place. The old place wasn't far from her house. But at some point in her life, Kagome had began to see the shrine as a place that did nothing for peoples prayers and only as a stop for the foreigners during spring and summer.

She should have turned around, she knew that she had absolutely nothing in common with the guy she was staring at; he was friends with Miroku and Sango, not her. But she didn't. There it was again; this damn feeling that maybe she should ignore her head. It didn't matter though, her body was doing it for her; step by step her feet carried her the block or so over to the figure.

He was still banging away at the gate. The pinging becoming nearly unbearable, vibrating through her body, the closer she got. A look of angry concentration was plastered on his face and strips of his midnight hair clung to the sides of his head. She took another glance towards the sky. The clouds looked ready to over pour but held back trembling full causing fat drops to splat occasionally. The sky was just waiting of course for the perfect moment to drop everything.

She turned her attention back to the handyman in front of her; "Inuyasha?" she asked in between the steady pinging rhythm.

He looked over to her but didn't stop hammering; "Hey Kagome." He said loudly over the noise. Well he never was that talkative at school, why would that change once the bell rang?

"What are you fixing?" she asked stepping over the red toolbox on his right side and getting a better look.

"The address sign." She could tell he was hitting with the hammer as hard as possible with the small grunt that ended his answer.

She stared at the number sign before realizing something. "But you're messing up the numbers." She said while looking up at him.

The steady beat finally halted with her statement. He just stared at his project for a moment before saying with a slight shrug; "I know." PING PING The answer he gave had been enough for him to continue his work but not enough for Kagome.

Did Inuyasha not want people coming around the shrine? She supposed that was understandable. Strangers always hanging around your property, messing up everything that you would probably have to clean up later by yourself. The noise and questions form people and having to always be nice and cheerful. If it was her she would have probably left home by now.

Speaking over the racket he was still producing, Kagome asked lamely; "So did you do the calculus homework?" she didn't know what he liked, so talking about school seemed a safe subject. Although she couldn't believe how stupid she sounded saying it.

"We had homework?" he replied finally dropping the hammer to the ground between them and looking at her in confusion, almost like he didn't know what calculus was.

Kagome nodded a smile spreading across her lips; "Over infinitive integers."

He was silent for a moment before asking a question that completely threw off Kagome. "Kagome why are you here?"

The girl stopped at his answer, a bit surprised by its forwardness. "Why not?"

"Because you've only been here once before. So why now?"

She shrugged pulling out an answer from the top of her head, since she didn't really know why she was there either. "I don't know, I saw you and I thought maybe you would want some company."

"I'm fine Kagome. Go finish you're whatever it was you were doing." He said bending down to pick through the red toolbox.

Kagome's brows furrowed at that answer; she was just trying to be nice and she voiced that reason. "I'm just trying to be nice and you blow me off. No wonder you don't have many friends."

He looked up at her, his violet eyes and his voice showing his irritation for her. "What do you know about me?"

That stopped Kagome from plowing forward into an argument with him. "Not that much…"

"Yea. That's what I thought." The sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"So then why won't you talk to me and then I will know you."

He just shook his head at her suggestion.

"What's wrong with having another friend? It just means you're less lonely."

"Who said I was lonely?" his voice was growing more impatient to get the girl away from him. Although she had given him a reason why she was there in the first place, he hadn't excepted. He had altogether stopped going through the box and had already stood up to face her.

Kagome put her hands on her hips and slightly raised her voice at the ignorant boy in front her. What was wrong with another friend? "No Inuyasha you're not getting it. What's wrong with having one more person to talk to?"

"No. It's not about having another person to talk to. It's the fact that I don't want to talk to you."

That stopped both of the teenagers. Inuyasha because although he didn't necessarily like the girl in front of him he hadn't meant for his words to come out like that; all he wanted was for her to leave him alone. No one had ever said anything like that to Kagome and no matter how hard she tried to not let guys effect her she had to admit that that hurt.

Kagome's expression lost its angry stance and turned to something blank. She didn't want him to know he had upset her. She took a breath to calm herself. She didn't usually get all upset with things concerning guys.

"OK then." She said slowly already moving her feet to turn around. I knew I shouldn't have come here. "I'll just go home."

"Wait." Said a very irritated voice.

Kagome looked back to Inuyasha who seemed to be at a tiny war with his self.

"I'm sorry." His voice sounded like it was apologizing even though it didn't really want to; his eyes just looked bored. "I just have to deal with this stupid shrine and I'm tired and-"

"Do you like it?" Kagome suddenly asked breaking off his "apology". He said sorry she was okay with that for now since he didn't seem like he wanted to do it anyway in the first place.

"What?" He saw her motion with her head towards the shrine. "It's fine I guess. I'm just used to it."

"Oh." That wasn't necessarily the answer Kagome had been going for. She really wanted know what would make a person want to live in a shrine. She had been hoping that Inuyasha could have given her more of a real answer; like he loved it because it gave him something like security or peace anything but …he was used to it. "Are you going to stay after graduation?"

"No. I can't." he said turning his attention to the sky.

That was an odd answer. "What do you-"

"I think it's time to go back inside." He interrupted looking at her and then bending to drop all the tools on the pavement into the toolbox at their feet.

Kagome also looked up. The sky was stormier now looking like it was very angry and it wasn't until he said something that she noticed the little droplets gathering on her bare arms. "Yea I guess. I'll just see you later."

He just nodded at her stilling putting things away, "Bye."

Kagome turned away and started for her house. She had to admit that was the most confusing conversation she had had in a very long time.

++++++

"I talked to Inuyasha today." Kagome said nonchalantly as she picked through the old stuffy hallway closet. She didn't normally go through the closet; it was smelly and she swore there were things living in it. But her mother was always complaining about it needing a good cleaning and no was home and Kagome was slightly bored so… she was doing the daughterly thing and helping her mother out.

"And?" Sango asked her voice not sounding the least bit interested. Kagome knew she was listening though she was just waiting for some type of "news".

"Oh nothing." Kagome grunted pulling out an old carboardbox that had seen better days. "It's just you know we never talked before."

"Yes you have-"

"No Sango. Not really. I'm your friend and Inuyasha's Miroku's friend but me and him aren't." she ended the statement with a sneeze as dust puffed up in the air as she opened the tattered box.

"Well why don't you be his friend Kagome?"

"It didn't seem like he wanted to be my friend." Kagome said distractedly as she pulled out worn knick knacks her mother never threw out. The young girl swore her mother was a pack rat sometimes; the women refused to get rid of anything. Who needs a statue of a dirty green monkey that's missing its tail?

"Kagome are you listening?"

"Huh? Oh sorry Sango. It's just I'm tryna clean this old closest…" her voice died though as she pulled out an old weathered brown leather book.

"Inuyasha isn't that much of a jerk as he seems." Sango began thinking her friend was listening.

"Uh huh…" Kagome said absently she was trying to remember why she didn't remember the book in her lap. Her fingers traced over the outline of her family name.

"Kagome?"

Kagome blinked back her thoughts and put her attention on the phone. Trying to keep any emotion but happiness from her voice, she cleared her throat and said; "Can I call you back Sango? My mom wanted me to finish this before she got home."

So her mother didn't even know she was doing it. It didn't mean Sango had to know. Besides now she doubted she would even get close to finishing anything.

Hanging up the phone after saying goodbye, Kagome put the old box back in the closet and carried the book with to her room.

Sitting on the floor in her room, Kagome couldn't help but remember when she had found the old shoebox at the back of her mother's closet. She had don't the exact same thing and carried it to her room.

Hanging up the phone after saying goodbye, Kagome put the old box back in the closet and carried the book with to her room.

Sitting on the floor in her room, Kagome couldn't help but remember when she had found the old shoebox at the back of her mother's closet. She had done the exact same thing and carried it to her room.

She opened the book and had to hold back the small cough from more dust of memories forgotten. The reason why the memories were left out with the rows of others in the living room was not a thought on her head.

Papa…

Kagome looked down at the spread of dusty yellowed photos. Each one a single memory she never knew existed. The pictures were before she was even born; her mother and father hugging, laughing being alive; the exact opposite of today.

Pictures of them on vacations and at dinner parties…things her mother hadn't done in years. Her mother only went to work and sometimes out with other friends but her family hadn't really gotten away to relax since she was twelve. I wish things had been different…

Internally, Kagome felt herself sigh and turn her attention back to the photos before anger and sadness could grip her.

She turned another page and their she was; a baby Kagome. Her father was holding her looking so happy while her mother looked exhausted but also grateful. My mother always calls me difficult…I guess she means it started from the very beginning.

She turned the page and wiped the dust from the page ignoring the small lump in her throat forming. I don't understand why it had to be life this. You shouldn't have left. If you hadn't gone with her…

She shook her head. She had promised long ago that she wouldn't be angry with her father. There was no point he was dead. It wasn't like he could do anything about her anger; talk to her, spend time with her. Be there for her. The images before were blurry before Kagome realized she could hear the small patter of teardrops hitting plastic. She turned the page again and had to wipe the tears from her eyes to be sure she was seeing correctly.

There She was sitting with her father and mother. Mrs. Kawasake. Laughing with them like she deserved to be there with them. She was sitting at a table with her parents. Kagome didn't recognize the setting on that it was someone's home.

But she did recognize the two little girls playing with dolls in front of the table; ignoring the adult raucous above them.

Her and Kikyo.

Kagome angrily shut the photo book and pushed it underneath her bed. She put her knees to her chest and buried her head. She stomped on each sob that threatened to escape her throat but couldn't stop the hot tears slipping through her shut eyelids.

Why did you leave with her?

Why did you love her more than mom?

If you hadn't everything would have been different.

Our family would have been happy..

You would still be alive.

*****

A/N: so what do you think? This hasn't been through a beta. Anyway feel free to tear this things apart. This is the second version the first having died with my computer months ago. So I actually don't like this…except for the last part. Anyway rip away all comments and crits wanted and appreciated.