InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Difference between Wanting and Needing ❯ Fragments ( Chapter 7 )

Disclaimer: Plot is mine. Characters and song are not.

A/N: Sorry for the wait. I reserve the right to change this chapter at any time if something comes up in the next. Also this isn’t really chapter 7 it’s more like a chapter btwn 6 and 7. This chapter is different from the rest in being less thought more action and... well fragmented.

ALSO: Please tell me what you think. Good or even bad reviews would be very much appreciated. Thanks for reading. OO
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OO Difference between Wanting and Needing

Why don't you tell me is it worth it
To close your eyes and live a dream
-Spitalfield "Five Days and Counting"

Fragments

“I can tell you don’t want to be here.”

Inuyasha turned to the female voice floating behind his knelt form. The line of his lips turning to a slight frown seeing that it was just another girl waiting to get a charm or something just as silly. The touring season always did make him grumpier –agitated. Every girl was the same, giggling some nonsense about ‘pure love’ and wanting a charm or a chant to say to get that love.

This one standing behind him was just more perceptive, less oblivious than the rest.

The young man simply grunted as a way of agreement before turning back to his chore of organizing the tiny bells etched with Chinese symbols. “Which one do you want?” he simply asked.

The small brush of air, pushing against his T-shirt signaled that the girl had stepped closer to him. With a glance up, she was standing at his side peering at the bells, “Do you know what these say?” she asked.

Inuyasha looked up at the girl in surprise, turning his real attention towards her for the first time and noticing her; “You can’t read girl? Or are you not from here?” he asked. He knew he was probably being rude but the day just had not gone well for him.

The girl with hair the color of the night with no moon smiled at him before nipping at her bottom lip with pearl white teeth, “No I lied. I just wanted you to turn around.”

Inuyasha lay beside someone he never thought he would. Least of all in her room, surrounded by pictures of a life he had never been a part of. He panted as he starred out the wall-size window on his side of the room. The sun was near setting letting city lights take over and create an artificial day. The gauzy drapes lifted with every swirl of wind that entered through the open window.

It seemed so far away. The sound of the murmuring city, the tapping of heels and low roar of trains, the push and pull of an unrelenting chase for something more then he was really willing to go after. None of it could enter through the cracked window though. It relaxed Inuyasha nearly more then the sex. A separation from his life; that was what this time meant. He would have to tell her sometime. He didn’t want to admit how much he didn’t want to.

As she sat up, the fan of midnight surrounding him slinked away to lie limp against her back, like a black waterfall frozen. The paleness of her back seemed starker against that waterfall, the bones of her shoulder blades jutting out slightly.

“We shouldn’t see each other anymore.” her voice was quiet, but the silence of the room seemed to cause it to be too loud; too abrupt.

Inuyasha sat up, confusion rising in him. “What?” he simply asked his voice trying to hide what he thought he felt inside.

Her answer to his question was slow in coming like she was thinking of the best way to put it, “I’m not sure.” She finally said, turning to look at him. He could see that she was nervous; she always twiddled with whatever was in her hand when she was talking about something she didn’t want to. The thin cotton sheet in her hand looked like she was about to tear it, the whiteness of the sheet a near match to the pale of her knuckles.

The fallout to his stomach was something Inuyasha was not expecting. The heat of the room seem to intensify as he struggled to smoothly swallow the words on the tip of his tongue; words that would have made her turn away, would have made her walk away.

“What’s wrong?” he simply asked not really wanting to know. He ran his fingers through his hair, flashes of her fingers going through it still tingling his scalp. Letting out a sigh, he rested his arms on his raised knees. And he had thought things had been settled at least for the mean time.

She shook her head; he could see the indecision in the way she looked away from him. She wasn’t thinking about her words, she was thinking if she should tell him. She already knew what was wrong and to be honest he knew too.

“This isn’t right. Us I mean.”

“Why do you think that?” It was the most honest answer he could give her without being the first to say it. She had to say it. If anything were going to change she would have to be the one to do it.

“Stop.” She said strength returning to her voice; conviction and understanding replacing the question that had been in her voice earlier. “Agree or disagree but no more questions.” She finished biting on her words.

And already he was getting up and shuffling for his jeans; it was him on automatic. He hadn’t told her anything, well at least the things that mattered.

“Why are you the one to always walk away?” irritation could be felt radiating off her near naked body.

“We always come to your place.” He said his voice muffled as he pulled his blue t-shirt over his head.

“That’s beside the point.” She said shaking her head. “Your mind… your feelings, they leave before your body ever does.”

“I am here Kikyo. You’re just so insecure about-“

“NO! It’s not like that and you know that.” Her voice wasn’t shaking but the way she was clutching the bed sheet to her body told Inuyasha enough. “Don’t bring up everyone else. I know I don’t make you happy.”

“Kikyo,” he said turning to look at her confused by her statement. “Why would-“

“I don’t,” she continued as though he had never spoken. “You are never happy… content. You only seem a fraction better when you’re fucking me.” The venom in her voice stabbing into her curse word almost made him flinch. Almost. Instead it just got him more pissed off.

“You don’t get it Kikyo.” Inuyasha said already halfway across her tiny room, trying very hard to not to look at the distraught girl watching every move he made.

“Then tell me what it is... please.” The last word drowned by the sliding of her bedroom door.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Can I come in?” Kikyo asked quietly not quite sure if he would slam the door in her face. Inuyasha let her by him into his home before closing the door and leaning against the it, watching and waiting.

“We need to talk…” She said simply more to the floor than him, her arms crossed almost like a shield. She was biting on her lip again. “Do you hate me?”

The short snort he gave should have been enough of an answer but Inuyasha just wanted to make sure she completely understood, “What do you think Kikyo?” Malice was dripping in his voice and souring his face.

Kikyo looked up at him, her arms dropping to her side and an irritation clouding her eyes, “I know how you feel about Lio but that doesn’t mean-“

“You were fucking hanging all over him Kikyo!” Inuyasha yelled out, “Like a goddamn slut-”

“I am NOT! I was not all over him!” She yelled with an outburst of emotion that Inuyasha had never witnessed. His eyes had widened at her outburst before dropping as she continued, “That’s what a couple is Inuyasha. They do more than-”

“You didn’t want that with me Kikyo.” It was true he believed it and she knew it.

Kikyo’s hands balled into fists almost in a way to control anger that Inuyasha had never seen in her before. “Because I knew I couldn’t have it! You didn’t-“

“What makes you-“

“Let me finish!” She cried stopping him. The anger dropped to something more sympathizing; her words were quick,“You showed me that for two people to be together they have to be whole. You aren’t. I can’t have that. I don’t want that.”

Inuyasha was silent letting her words wash over him. She had given him an answer but…

“Did you even care?” His eyes falling to the big, black scratch on his wood-paneled floor.

“Yes. I did. I still do.” She answered shoulders falling.

“Then why the fuck are you with him?” The rage had dissipated to resemble a tired sadness.

“Because it isn’t enough,” Kikyo said shaking her head. “I know Inuyasha what it’s like to not be happy with what you have. I need to be happy.” A near desperate plea in her voice cut into him.

“Why can’t I make you happy?”

“Aren’t you listening? You’re never here with me.” She said pointing a finger to her own head, not wanting to be close enough to touch Inuyasha. “You’re always someplace else. I should be there but I’m not. And it’s not fair to either of us.”

Kikyo had never needed his love.

“I never meant for it to end like this.” She said sadly, her voice full of regret about him, them.

That was enough to tell him she had always meant for it to end. And he cared and deep down he wished he didn’t.

“Then ask me something Kagome.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know something.” his voice was edging unto anger, as was his attitude. He could feel it in himself; he could see it riding in her eyes. If only she hadn’t complained about them not knowing enough about each other. They had been aware of each other’s existence, been in the same vicinity and close proximity for years they had to know too much about each other by this time.

But she had said no and he had the sneaking suspicion she was taking notes of Miroku and Sango; the two who were attached at the hip before they could properly say each other’s name.

“Uhm…okay okay.” She said tapping her forefinger against her lip, clearly pondering just what she should say. After a moment of thinking her eyes finally turned to him with a smile, “So what do you want to do after you graduate?” the innocence of her expression of her voice a near perfect façade for the trouble that he knew was below the surface.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes with a sigh, she had asked him this before and still he refused to give her an answer. “Kagome, didn’t we talk about this before?”

“I know. But you won’t even tell me why you won’t tell me. I mean don’t you think it’s –STOP.” She abruptly said, moving her head back from Inuyasha swiftly approaching lips. “You kissing me to get off the subject won’t work all the time.” She finished a fake frown drawn on her lips.

“Worth a try.” Inuyasha gave with a shrug of no consequence.

“If you gave a reason I may stop asking.”

“I don’t want to tell because there is nothing to tell. Kagome you have options after and I don’t. And I would just rather not think about it now. I like now. Later can just wait. Was that good enough of an answer?”

“…Yea Inuyasha.” She said a small smile gracing her lips. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For liking now.”

Kagome hadn’t said a thing about Inuyasha to Sango.

And she was pretty sure Inuyasha hadn’t said a thing to Miroku… after all they were guys.

“You and Inuyasha have been spending a lot of time together…” Sango said implying something. Although Kagome knew just what her friend was suggesting.

“Why would you think that?” Kagome said quickly but as coolly as possible, silently thanking the Gods that they were on the phone. It was easier to lie over the phone line than in person.

“Because for the past …three weeks you two are always together.”

Oh that’s right.“Only because of the Calc class. Really I don’t see how Miroku could stand someone like Inuyasha for so long.”

“…Oh. So what’s so bad about him?” her friend asked nonchalantly.

“Nothing really…just he always seems so …angry. Impatient, he doesn’t really concentrate either…”

“…So you don’t like Inuyasha?” Sango asked again like she didn’t quite believe what she was hearing.

“Nope. He’s okay, but being around him… I see why the two of us have never been so close.”

Her friend didn’t answer and the silence worried Kagome. It meant Sango was mulling over just what she had just said. “But I mean I like the fact that we talk to each other now.” She quickly said hoping to cover a blunder if she made one.

“But you don’t like him?”

“Sango, what is it?” Kagome asked cutting to the core of just what Sango wanted to know.

Her friend was hesitant before blurting out. “You don’t dislike Inuyasha because of Kikyo right?”

Aside for the corner of her mouth dropping at the mention of her name, Kagome managed to keep her voice friendly as she answered. “Why would you think that?”

“Kagome,” the girl could tell her friend was smiling. “You’ve gotten mad at Miroku for lesser. You-“

“Sango. Everything’s fine …really. Just believe me okay?” Kagome asked trying to force the cheerfulness. Everything was fine but the longer they talked about…well the less fine it would become.

“Sure Kagome. But you would tell me right if it wasn’t okay?”

“Yes. Of course.”

They were stuck inside; listening to one another’s soft breath as it broke the quiet hum of the turning fan. There was no crack of thunder or stunning show of lightening to single the sudden fall of rain that poured from skies that had recently been clear. Until the rain ended, they would be each other’s entertainment.

But it just wasn’t going right at least for Inuyasha. Because while he felt like speaking, say something –anything- to break the stillness of the tiny room they were in, a sudden silence had befallen Kagome.

It wasn’t until now that Kagome realized that her bedroom walls weren’t actually white but more cream, like a white that had been mixed with just enough gray to darken it but not really change it. She looked up to the cutout paper flowers that she remembered sticking to the ceiling with Sango. It had been the summer; her mother hadn’t been working and had decided to get two little girls’ minds off the heat with creating as many different colored flowers as possible. There were blue ones and pink ones; copper orange ones stuck in the middle of blooming and even dark red ones that Sango always said were dying.

“What are you doing?”

“I should paint my room,” she said absently twirling another strand of his hair and her hair around her finger.

“Why do you always do that?”

“What?”

“Play with my hair. I would understand if you were bald but… you have your own.” She could hear the amusement in his voice. She could imagine the smile on his lips and the light in his eyes at finding something funny.

“You ask that a lot.” She said instead of answering his question. It was true. This had to be the fourth time he had asked her.

“You do it a lot.”

“I don’t know… I like your hair.”

“But it’s just like yours.”

“No,” she said sitting up to look at him and shake her head, “It’s not.” She watched as he too sat up. “It’s so long,” she added.

“My mom liked it this way.” He said shrugging. “Sometimes …she said my hair was too beautiful to cut.”

Looking into his eyes, Kagome realized that now was a moment to remember. How his eyes weren’t just dark brown but had violet so dark it was barely there. Just how long and dark his eyelashes were and when one fell, just how perfectly it curled rested against the pale skin of his cheek. Her eyes drifted down the strong line of his nose before dropping down to the tiny scar that was so small, on his chin.

“What?” Inuyasha asked just noticing how long Kagome was staring at him.

“How did you get that scar?”

“What scar?”

“Right here.” She said softly reaching up to trace the tiny puckered line with a nail.

“Oh.” He whispered feeling a twitch as her nail glided over his skin. “I don’t know. Falling out of a tree…tripping up the stairs, a cat, a dog. I don’t even remember having it.” he finished, faltering at the end as her hand came up to caress his cheek.

The only thought slipping through Inuyasha’s mind as he felt Kagome’s hand flit along the side of his face was how long it had been since... She was still staring at him before opening her mouth, “You’ve been hurt a lot haven’t you?” her voice this peculiar mix of sadness and understanding.

He nodded and Inuyasha knew she wasn’t just talking about the scar on his outside. OO
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see look at that fluff... but don't get used to it.

SHAMELESS SELF PRO MO
I have a new story out called Consanguinity, dark action with aslight inspiration from Ceres.
SUMMARY: AU IK She is a curse to the ones most important to her. She is thier end, the reason for thier destruction. Blood is thicker than water but fear can break any bond.

Until next time - thanks.