InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Dirty Old Man ❯ Dirty Old Man ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha and all other characters herein; therefore, I do not.

 

One of Inu Hanyou Nikkie's stories got me thinking about using peripheral characters as a focal point. And then I thought: What if Myoga had a true form? A massive flea with a four foot proboscis. At first I though… cool! Then it occurred to me that if I actually explored this idea, readers might be upchucking all over their keyboards and come after me for reimbursement. Small Claims Court, here I come! I think I'll pass. Sooo, who else is out there on the periphery that rarely gets the spotlight? Ah ha! If this has been done before, let me know so I can plan out my depression. I guess there are only so many characters you can screw around with.

 

For now, I'm sticking to one-shots, since I have the attention span of a flea. My first stab at fan fiction was something I'm not really happy with, because it has been done to death and just seemed so canned. But, I got it out of my system and moved on to writing for the miscreant crowd. Hooray for the miscreants!

 

Sloppy smooches to: Inu Hanyou Nikkie, SplendentGoddess, Ayame87, LostInSiberia 14, Sassa, Nomina & LadyBarrista.

If I've forgotten anyone, please don't be upset. Just shoot me and put me out of my misery. Spanking works too.

 

P.S. I'm working on part III of a tawdry trilogy, which follows Allergy Season and Ma & Pa Snafu. It's coming, I'm

just at a sticking point right now. I can't decide how much older I want the yard apes to be.

 

 

Dirty Old Man

 

Look at that bush! So young, so delicate, so fresh, not gnarled and peeling like me. And that heavenly scent sure tantalizes this old nose. Mother Nature sure knew what she was doing when she made you. Oh look, you're blushing such a lovely shade of pink, you little temptress! Look at those delicious bud scale scars, absolute perfection.

 

Dammit! I still got it. I still got wood. There are those who are after my wood all the time. I'm revered, you know. I know things none of these young saps could ever even dream of.

 

Bokuseno sighed. The azalea bush swayed flirtatiously in the breeze.

 

If only I'd been blessed with mobility, instead of omniscience.

 

`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'` '`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`' `

 

So, did it suck ass? My opinion? Short and full of hot air, just like a lot of dirty old men.

 

I was also inspired by one of my boss' clients who called today. Dirty old bastard had the wrinkly balls to call a place of business and tell me I had a sexy morning voice. (Insert eye roll and bouts of projectile vomiting here) I told him it was only because I'd already had a couple of cigarettes and to give it ten more years, it won't be sexy then. Ha! In ten years, he'll be dead and I plan to quit smoking tomorrow… or maybe the day after.