InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Enough ❯ it was all enough... ( Chapter 1 )

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eye
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something some where'sgot to give
As sharing this relationship gets older
You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I don'tcare if that's not fair

 

-- All or Nothing by O-Town

 

 

ENOUGH

 

 

 

She was dead inside - and he knew that. Ever since the day he found her crying softly next to that odd well, he had know that the girl he had loved was gone. True, she had still stood before him, her large grey eyes shining as the tears freely spilled over, her long raven hair hanging limply in her distress. There was no doubt, he assured himself when he found the trembling girl in his arms, that she was there - wanting him, needing him. But, as he whispered meaningless words of comfort while rubbing her back, he could feel it. She just wasn't entirely whole.

 

He pushed those thoughts aside as he held her though, his fantasies coming to light even if it was not in a way that he had hoped for or expected. She needed him, needed to be comforted, needed to be loved - and, for the first time, she had turned to him.

 

He wasn't going to deny her.

 

He held her close to his chest, moving his hand so that he was calmly petting her disheveled hair in a soothing manner. He had no idea as to what had happened to cause her so much pain, but he was there for her, attempting to draw out whatever hurt he could by just holding her.

 

It was all he could do then.

 

Kagome thought to herself, ticking off all of the things she should be grateful for, as she looked for Inuyasha. It was to be her eighteenth birthday the next day and she had been at home, preparing the plans for a simple party with her friends. She had just returned from a trip through the well to find that tomorrow marked more than the anniversary of the three years she been visiting the Sengoku Jidai; a date had been set for Inuyasha and the dead priestess, Kikyou - he had already said his goodbyes to the others before storming off into the forest. It was now her turn, and, because she didn't want to seem as weak as he always said she was, she was trying her damndest to remain optimistic as she sought him out. As it was, night was falling, and there had been no sign of the silver-haired inu-hanyou since she arrived.

 

Naraku had been defeated, that much was sure. After three years of following and fighting the evil demonic half-breed, he had finally been destroyed.

 

The Shikon no Tama was completed and, thanks to her, purified. Inuyasha had fashioned a chain for it and she wore it around her neck, under her blouse, keeping it safe and free from taint.

 

Miroku and Sango were to be married. The announcement had come the week following Naraku's death. With their common foe defeated, the monk and the demon slayer were free to wed and begin planning their family.

 

No one had gotten too injured during the final battle. They had all survived, even Shippou, of which she was grateful.

 

She allowed herself a small smile as she thought of the cuddly kitsune and her connection to him. She would have to bring him more treats now that he's lost a second father-type figure.

 

The small smile slid of her face when she remembered the old priestess's words. “It is time, child. Kikyou had requested that Inuyasha fulfill the debt owed to her - tomorrow at dawn.”

 

Inuyasha was leaving her. With that one thought, the tears began to fall, silently and quickly, as if she had no control. She didn't bother to wipe them away.

 

She found him sitting, quietly, in a large tree just inside the forest. For some reason, he had not chosen the Goshinboku to sit in, but a tree comparable in size. Then she remembered how Kaede had told her that the ceremony would be held at the feet of the ancient tree; he was obviously distancing himself from it until the time came.

 

She approached the tree, hesitantly. But, before she could call to him, he landed at her feet. His nose wrinkled at the salty scent of her tears, he caressed her cheek with his claw, wiping the tears for her. “You're crying,” he said simply.

 

“You're leaving,” she replied, as the quiet tears turned into louder sobs. She couldn't help herself - her knees buckled when she said those words, as if by admitting it out loud, she had accepted the inevitable.

 

He reached out and caught her before she fell. His nose was mere inches away from hers and she saw that it was still twitching. He really could not stand the smell of her crying, yet he was not saying a word about it. He must, strangely enough, understand the intensity of the situation and not want to ruin it by saying anything offensive. She appreciated that, though she wasn't sure is she could cry any more - even if his words had stung.

 

She found herself staring at his nose. It seemed to her that time had frozen with her in his arms - and she would have given everything if that were possible. But she knew that could never happen, not even the power of the Shikon no Tama could stay the hanyou from keeping his promise to the dead miko.

 

A fresh wave of emotion washing over her, Kagome, before she could stop herself, leaned in and pressed her lips against his.

 

She could tell that he was surprised at first, but instantly responded to her advance. His arms, wrapped around her's when he had steadied her stance, slid down so that they were around her waist.

 

Kagome, despite her crying, felt shivers up her spine as, for the first time, she kissed a boy and was kissed back. It was in that instant that she made a decision. Inuyasha was leaving - she knew that. But, before he went, she would give him more of herself than Kikyou ever had.

 

As the kiss deepened, Kagome purposely moved her hands downward until her fingers had found the ties of his hakama. When she began to work the knot that kept his pants up, Inuyasha stepped away from her. “Kagome, what…”

 

Kagome silenced him by placing one of her fingers on his lips. “I need to do this, Inuyasha. Please let me.”

 

“But that… that,” he stammered, a faint blush staining his cheeks, one that she could barely make out in the darkness, as he referred to their first kiss, “that was enough, Kagome.”

 

“No,” she replied, gently but firmly. “I need to do this. Not for you, for me.”

 

Inuyasha looked down at Kagome, her tears glistening in the sliver of light from the fading moon. Almost unconsciously he noted the new moon was approaching - he would have to make sure that Kagome was safe in her own time. When it dawned on him that he would not be there so see another new moon, or be there with Kagome, he scowled. Though he didn't want to admit it, it hurt more than he thought it would. However, his sense of honor had overshadowed his affection for Kagome and he had agreed to fulfill his pledge to her incarnate, Kikyou. But he still felt for Kagome, and he would never intentionally hurt her - and, though he knew his leaving hurt her more than he would admit, he could not dishonor her before he left her. At least he could keep her pure before sending her off to her own time. Hopefully she, and the jewel, would be safer there.

 

“But,” he argued, his voice quieted as if he did not want to argue but felt he had to, “I'll taint you.”

 

“And I'll purify it,” she replied coyly, a weak smile playing out on her lips. She found that Inuyasha was staring directly at her mouth, though whether it was at surprise at her words or a desire to kiss her again, she wasn't sure. Hoping it was the latter, she reached in and kissed him a second time.

 

This time, when she reached for the ties of his hakama, he let her do it.

 

It was very easy for him to remember the day he had found her. As he did quite often enough, when he assumed that she was preoccupied and unaware of his stares, he would gaze at her and think back to that day - the day that had brought her to him.

 

It had been her eighteenth birthday. He forgets now how he knew that then but it had been his intent that day to see her and, if he was fortunate enough to find her, wish her well.

 

He had not expected to stumble upon her, collapsed next to the well, tears streaming down her pale face.

 

Through her tears she had found him as she clung desperately to his shoulders. He held her tight, seconds turning to minutes, minutes to hours, before he tried to lead her away from the well.

 

She had shaken her head slowly, dragging her heels slightly as if refusing to be parted from the structure.

 

But she gave no real fight as he gently guided her away. He instinctually brought her to his home, rather than seeking out any of her companions or family. It felt so natural for her to be in his arms; he did not want anyone taking her away from his embrace.

 

His white dog-like appendages twitched in apprehension when he heard the early morning tweets of the birds. Stretching slightly, so as not to wake the slumbering girl wrapped up in his embrace, Inuyasha felt a sadness drape over him - a loneliness equal to the feeling that had engulfed him the night his mother had perished. But, the loneliness was not for him. It was for Kagome.

 

He couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to her. It was bad enough that he had let his emotion carry him away the night before - he would now go to Hell with the memory of the taint he had left on her innocence. He had wanted to share his feelings with her before he fulfilled his pledge to Kikyou and she had responded in such a loving manner. How could he even dream of facing her now that he was leaving.

 

He couldn't.

 

Instead, he leaned down and untangled himself from her arms. He laid her gently on the ground, confident that the others would come looking for her shortly - he had no desire to say goodbye to them again, either. Uncharacteristically, and most sweetly, he knelt over her sleeping form and placed a gently kiss on her forehead before placing his rosary on top of her chest. Right after they fell together, as one, she had reached up and removed the rosary, in one last final act of devotion.

 

At least he could leave a token of his with her. Maybe she would understand what it meant for him. Before he could do leave, though, he had one more thing to do. Taking a deep breath, he looked down upon her, her aura glowing even brighter as she slumbered.

“I…I love you, Kagome,” he whispered, for the first time. It mattered not that she didn't hear his whispered words. For him, it was enough that they were finally uttered at all.

 

With that, he quickly redressed and ran off, heading towards Goshinboku. Kikyou was waiting - and, if he didn't go to her now, he would never go.

 

It was the weight of the rosary that caused her to stir. Blushing slightly at the memory of the night before, Kagome rolled on her side to face her hanyou lover - but, he was already gone. She spied the rosary on the ground, where it had fallen, and reached for it. He really was gone.

 

Kagome felt a lump in her throat as she sat up, fingering the rosary before removing the Shikon no Tama from her neck and replacing it with his beads. Then, holding the jewel tight in her hand, she got to her feet. Maybe there was still time to say goodbye.

 

Kaede had mentioned that the ceremony would take place near the Old God Tree - Goshinboku; according to Miroku, Inuyasha had also said that he did not want anyone to be there when he was being brought to Hell with his former flame. He was honor-bound to go, and was not upset if such was his fate, but he knew it would upset them all if they witnessed his descent.

 

But Kagome paid no mind to her friends warnings from the day before. Inuyasha was her life, her world. He couldn't just leave her, especially after the night they had shared.

 

She arrived at the well, staring in horror towards the Sacred Tree just in time to see the tops of the doomed couple's heads as they journeyed to Hell. Kagome gasped in pain as her heart, already cracked from three years latent affection towards the oblivious hanyou, shattered. She had seconds to yell her parting words. “I love you,” she yelled. For the first time, she was able to say the words.

 

Such a shame that he couldn't hear her above the crackle of the flames.

 

As the hole seemed to vanish, and the fire subsided, Kagome fell to her knees beside the well, the Shikon no Tama clutched tightly in her fist. For the first time, she truly understood the extent of the damage that such a precious object could cause.

 

The first time she went home with him, she remained there for three days. They had spent their days in companionable silence, content in the other's company. It was quiet - whenever he mentioned her friends or family, tears began to fall down her cheeks and she refused to be consoled. So, instead, he said nothing at all.

 

Their nights were spent apart, he respecting her as he provided her with a space of her own. He would never dream of dishonoring her. It was enough that she had chosen to be with him at all.

 

But, on that third night, she came to him long after night had fallen. It was a moonless night, yet he was able to make out her silhouette. She was shaking, standing there, wearing nothing more than a necklace of, upon closer inspection, prayer beads. He knew he had seen them before she possessed them, but he couldn't remember where. Not that that was important now - what was important was the naked vision in front of him that obviously needed his comfort.

 

Afraid of the nameless nightmare that had been haunting her since she had left that well, he cautiously approached her. He kept his eyes on hers, no matter how desperately they cared to wander lower. He opened his mouth to call out to her as he hurried forward but before he could make a sound, she reached forward and pressed her finger to his lips.

 

He nodded, understanding her need for silence at the moment. She mimicked his motion before leaning in and replacing her finger with her lips. He received her kisses with surprise before her passion set him free. Unaccustomed to and unaware of the feelings that flooded him, he focused on her mouth only. Gently she led him to the ground, their lips never parting, her hands reaching for any space on his body she could find, quickly ensuring that he was as bare as she.

 

He let her do anything she wanted - he felt the insistent need behind her motions and touches. It was quite the experience for him as she put all of her effort into pleasing him, as much for her own sake as for his. He nearly growled as he exploded inside of her before lying on his back, spent. His thoughts were a whirlwind, pausing briefly for him to understand one basic fact: It had been his first time and it had been with her. She was finally his.

 

She laid down beside him, never saying a word, just fingered the rosary necklace before turning on her side to look at his profile. Panting slightly herself, she snuggled close to him. He rolled over slightly to face her, smiling to himself when she saw that her eyes were closed, before draping one of his arms over her protectively.

 

Before he followed her lead and fell asleep for the night himself, he could have sworn that he felt her fingers combing through his hair at the top of his head, as if in search of something.

 

 

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I don't show it show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it…

 

 

That had been nearly three years ago; she was fast approaching her twenty-first birthday - and the anniversary of the day she chose to remain by his side.

 

She was dead inside - and he knew that. There was no mistaking the distant look in her eyes nor the nights she spent crying, holding her rosary close to her chest, when she thought he had fallen asleep for the night. She refused to tell him what happened to hurt her in such a way - it was enough that she continuously begged him not to leave her. He always replied asking her the same. They would then both agree before falling into the safe embrace of the other's arms.

 

And that was enough for him.