InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Enough ❯ Everything ( Chapter 3 )

Kagome stood in the doorway of Kaede's hut, one hand on the doorframe, the other clenching the straps to her monstrous backpack. Two days had passed since she’d spoken with Miroku, and in that time not much had changed. Inuyasha had stopped hiding from everyone, but he kept his distance and spoke in short one-sentence answers. It was time, time to go back, see her mother, Souta, Jii-chan, and maybe do a little school work. Kagome bit her lip, sometimes she just didn't know where her home was anymore.

Now, however, she had to go back; somehow, she felt the timing couldn’t have been worse but she had promised and she would keep it. She turned to face the others inside, “Sango, I’m going now.” Sango nodded, “Alright but take Kirara with you.” Kagome gave her a small smile, “Bye everyone, I’ll be back.”


Swinging the heavy pack on and over her shoulders, she set off for the well with Kirara twining about her legs. Strolling though the village, past the fields, the afternoon sun was high in the sky and it beat down upon her face. Her feet traversed the well-worn, familiar road; leading from the rice paddies to the trees of Inuyasha no Mori; and before she knew it, she stood before the Goshinboku, that ancient sacred tree that stretched beyond the bindings of time, just as her heart did. Somehow, she could not stop her hands, mutinous they snaked out to run along the naked place that was despairingly bereft of the one who had slept there so long.

A soft, aching whisper escaped her, “Inuyasha…” His name, damn him just the thought of his name, and she fell apart. How in the world did it come to this? She wondered how he managed to make her feel so much. A plaintive mew was heard, and she laughed bitterly, “Sorry, Kirara, for a moment I forgot myself. Inuyasha, you baka.” He always made her forget, forget what to say, how to move, how to think, how to breathe…


Kagome shook her head, attempting to clear her thoughts; she needed to get to the well before she lost herself in thought. Once again, she turned towards the bone eating well, an old American love song tumbling from her lips… “Turning in circles, confusion is nothing new. Flashback, to moonlights almost left behind. Suitcase of memories, time after sometimes. You picture me; I’m walking too far ahead. You’re calling to me, I can’t hear what you have said…”

She faulted over the words as she entered the clearing, the old well coming into view. “Jewel shards,” her gaze swept the clearing, hands reaching for her bow; but it fell limply from her grasp as he strode into her sight, “Kouga.” she breathed.

“Hello, Kagome.” She quickly squashed the urge to groan, she really didn’t want to deal with him right now. Inwardly, she sighed she supposed it could not be helped. She gave him a weak, sad smile, “Hello, Kouga.”


He returned the gesture, the action not quite reaching his eyes, “You should sing more often, Kagome.” His tone was melancholy, subdued.

Kagome’s brain scrambled and fumbled for a response, “Kouga, I…”

Kouga cut her off, “It’s alright Kagome, I understand.” He paused, a bitter frown upon his face, “You chose him, not me, and somehow I think I’ve always known. That one day I’d have to accept the fact, that while, you care about me… You love Inuyasha, not me.”

“You were right and you were wrong before, Kagome. You were wrong in that, I do not and cannot love you; you are an easy person to love. But you were so right about many things, the foremost of them being Ayame.” He turned his head away from her, unable to meet her eyes. “I first forgot, and then ignored my commitment to her. Nevertheless, I had and still have my reasons for that; Ayame does not need to be drawn into my battle with Naraku. You Kagome, you are so bright and radiant; what could I do but love you?” He hung his head and shook it slightly, “I just wish that I could understand why it is that you love that mutt so much.”


Kagome bit her lip, unsure what to say; she’d just have to let her heart lead her, as it always did. “Kouga…” she said his name softly breaking the uncomfortable stillness, “Kouga, you deserve someone who can be everything to you; a person that can give you their whole heart without limits. I cannot give you what I have already given to Inuyasha.” He looked up into her eyes at the sound of her voice, sky met ocean and she could see the sorrow leaking from his soul. “I… I will try to explain it to you… Kouga, hold your breath.” He raised an eyebrow and gave her an odd look. Kagome sighed, “Don’t look at me like that, just do it. Please?” He nodded his assent and did as she had asked. A brief silence followed before she spoke again, “Ok, now hold your breath for as long as you possibly can.”


Kouga still wasn’t quite sure how holding his breath was going to help him understand, but he did as she asked anyway. Then, it happened; gradually, undeniably, and inaudibly he felt it; that cavernous, slow, burning, intense, and fervent need. The desire to inhale crept, and burned through his veins, an all-consuming ache. The feeling surged, seeped, and spread though his body; the urgency of the craving made him feel empty.

His lungs were ablaze, his hands trembled, he was dizzy, nauseous, and his head had begun to throb. Kouga was fighting a losing battle, the strain of trying to hold it all in was fast becoming too pronounced. He had reached his limit, and at last, he sundered to his profound need. With a rush, his body welcomed the life giving oxygen; sweat had begun to bead on his face as he looked into Kagome’s eyes. An inordinate silence stretched between them as he waited for her to break it, and continue with her explanation.


“Now do you understand, Kouga?” at his blank look and murmur of denial, she sighed. “That is what it feels like when Inuyasha is not near me, Kouga. It is as if there is no air within the room, and suddenly I cannot think, I cannot move, I cannot breathe. The walls close in around me, and the ache in my heart swells and tightens. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning, everything I feel for him surrounds me all at once, a vast torrent of emotion.”

“Kagome…” Kouga began, but she cut him off, “You asked me to explain my feelings, the least you can do is let me finish.” He paused and nodded, “Thank you, Kouga. I love him, I really do. I never meant for you to think of us as more than friends, I never meant for you to get hurt.”

Kagome frowned and then looked into his icy eyes, and gave him a brilliant smile, “I think though, I could have loved you in another life, if things were different. Sometimes you remind me so much of him, that it hurts.” She turned away from him, dropping head chin to her chest, “Kouga, my love for Inuyasha may be all uphill, and though sometimes even I think I won’t make it; my heart says one day I will.” She faced him once again, and he was silent waiting for her to finish,

“Before I met Inuyasha, my life was empty, it had no real purpose. I was alive, but I wasn’t really living. Everyday I did the same things, nothing ever really changed; I never changed. There were no youkai to fight, no jewel shards to collect, and my biggest worry was if I was going to be late for school. Now, I am living a life I never thought was possible; and even though waiting for Inuyasha is painful, I would not have it any other way. Someday, I know when he is ready, he’ll come to me, and I’ll be waiting with open arms and an open heart. In that moment, I won’t need any thing, because I’ll have everything. I have to go home now, Kouga. I’ll see you around, and I wish you the best with Ayame, goodbye.”


Kouga watched as she slipped into the inky infinite blackness of the well, his farewell lost to her human hearing. He sighed and shook his head calling out into the forest, “So, how long are you going to sit in that tree dog shit?”

A low growl and “Keh.” was his only response, “You know it is terribly rude to eavesdrop on people. Take care of her, dog shit. She’s, more than either of us will ever deserve. I’ll be seeing you, later mutt face.”

As Kouga, left he could hear the hanyou, “Keh” and grumble about “Wimpy wolf shits.” A wry grin spread across his face, he may have lost the battle for Kagome’s heart; but it didn’t mean he couldn’t still piss off that dog turd.

Author’s Notes:
Props go to Sango’s Courage & Lilis for their awesome help.
The song in this chapter that Kagome is singing is: Time After Time, by Cyndi Lauper. It makes sense that Kagome would know a few American songs as everything “Western” is all the rage over in Japan. Plus, they most likely take English lessons as well. I am a die-hard Kagome + Inuyasha fan, so this isn’t one of those fan fictions where Kagome falls out of love with Inuyasha and in love with an O.C or someone else. Sorry Kouga fans, this isn’t your fic. Kikyo fans, this isn’t your fic either. Inuyasha + Kagome Forever!

This chapter written to these songs:

Time after time, Cyndi Lauper
Pretty baby, Vanessa Carlton
Goodbye to you, Michelle Branch
It Must have been Love, Roxette
What do you say, Reba Macentire
How was I to know, Reba Macentire
Shinjitsu No Uta, Inuyasha Soundtrack
& this chapter’s theme song:
I can’t make you love me, Bonnie Rait

-Burning