InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Exigency ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Author's Notes: This fic serves as a prequel to my GW-IY-YYH
crossover fic, 'Heart of Darkness.' I wrote this as a separate
fic to keep from breaking the flow of the other, while still
explaining why the Inuyasha characters seem to be acting a
little strangely. For those who don't plan to read 'Heart of
Darkness,' don't worry - it can stand on its own. For those
who plan to read the other fic, this might tell you why
Kurama's acting a little funny himself, being a fox demon. ;)
Additional: If you read and like this fic, you might enjoy the
music video I made to go with it. It's titled 'I'll Wait For
You' and can be found at:
www.animemusicvideos.org / members / members (underscore
symbol) videoinfo.php?v=31413
(remove the spaces - ffnet won't allow symbols anymore)
Anyone who likes pretty Inuyasha and Miroku scenes should
appreciate the footage.
Category: Anime, Inuyasha, Yaoi, TWT (timeline-what-timeline)
Warnings: shonen ai, will have angst and lemon content
Pairings: Inuyasha-Miroku, Inuyasha-Kagome
Author: Arigatomina
Email: arigatoumina(a)hotmail.com
Website / Complete Archive: www.geocities.com / arigatomina

Exigency

Part 1

His hanyou induced shift to human came regularly, a sign of
his human blood. And just like that periodic change, this came
regularly as well, a sign of his canine demon blood. It was
what humans would call lust, what animals called rutt, and
what youkai called exigency. Inuyasha called it madness. For
him, that was exactly how he felt. It was an infuriating urge,
a drive that had come and gone yearly, for longer than he
cared to think about. And as always, he found himself
resisting it in frustration, hating himself for having the
drive, and others for having killed any part of him that might
have given in to the instinct. The only difference was this
time he had a target that sprang to mind every time he closed
his eyes. He was just glad that he'd met Kikyo weeks after the
last bout. At least with Kagome, he didn't have to see her
while he sought to resist the drive. She'd gone back home two
days ago. Hopefully she wouldn't be back for a few more days.
It was always strongest at the beginning. All he had to do was
hide out until he got a handle on it. A nice coincidence that
it came right with his night time shift, giving him the
perfect excuse to disappear for a while.

Miroku had still followed him. He wasn't sure exactly why that
had annoyed him so much, but he'd almost growled when he saw
the monk. Night had already fallen by then, and it was simply
strange for him to get such youkai reactions after his shift.
But he had. He'd barely kept quiet until Miroku passed out of
sight, his own teeth clenched the entire time. Normal anger he
would have understood, but he would be lying if he pretended
the concern wasn't appreciated. Miroku followed because he'd
told the monk of his fears, not too long ago. As a human, he
was nearly defenseless. They both knew it. He'd made a habit
of putting up the usual complaints when Miroku or Kagome
played mother hen to him, but it was nice to know they cared.
And as much as it pricked his pride, he felt safe knowing they
were with him when his human blood took dominance. He'd much
rather be coddled than left on his own again, hiding out till
the night passed.

But this time was different. He didn't need anyone to watch
over him right now. That was the only positive aspect of this
instinct; it made him completely confident, and utterly
frustrated. One wrong word from Shippou and he was sure he'd
jump the kit and wring his shapeshifting neck. One bawdy
comment from the resident pervert and he'd probably do the
same to him. And as much as it annoyed him, he wasn't strong
enough to do serious damage to either right now. Assuming
Shippou didn't recognize the problem, he'd just look like an
idiot and be annoyed even more. No, he didn't want to be near
anyone.

So he'd kept to the shadows until his would-be protector was
gone. Then he'd found himself a nice perch to wait out the
night. Without Kagome and the shards, there wasn't as much
chance of an attack. There was no reason to worry either for
himself or his friends. He reminded himself of that as a wave
of impatience made him fidget in the tree he'd chosen for the
night. He was restless, and far too excited for a weak human.
The thought was given coldly to whatever active demon blood
remained to torment him. He'd never had this come during a
human shift. How could the two coincide when his human shifts
meant his demon blood was inactive? It made about as much
sense to him as his ridiculous reliance on the Tetsusaiga to
keep his full demon blood from taking control.

He'd never experienced that insanity until he found the sword.
What kind of protection was that? He had the sword to keep his
demon blood from taking control, but that demon nature only
came forth when he lost the sword. And it had never surfaced
until he'd grown accustomed to using the sword. Obviously
something had kept him from shifting before he found the sword
- and once he had the sword, he'd lost that control, with
every bit of him relying entirely on the object. If that
wasn't a self-imposed weakness, he didn't know what was. And
he was sure, the longer he used the sword, the more dependent
he'd become. He hated that. But even more, he hated the fact
that the one thing made to protect humans was the very thing
that made him kill humans mindlessly when he lost contact with
it.

It wasn't as if he'd never been in a near death situation
before finding the Tetsusaiga. Maybe it hadn't happened often
since he'd reached adulthood, but it had happened enough that
any dormant survival instincts should have risen much sooner.
While he'd hated coating his hands with human blood during the
last fight, he wouldn't have minded it in the past. There were
many times when he would have relished in saving himself, no
matter how many he killed. Simply put, they'd more than
deserved it. It was infuriating that only now, when he was
already capable of defending himself, did this latent strength
show itself. And now, it only came out when he was fighting to
protect people, putting them in danger as much as his enemies.
Everything in his life was that way.

Kikyo, his first friend, and the only person since his mother
to treat him as if he had feelings, turned against him in an
instant. Even now that she'd been revived and knew the truth,
she still hated him. And Kagome, her reincarnate, so kind to
him, but completely confusing and different from anything he
was familiar with. He had the same pull to her soft nature,
but she was almost an exact opposite of Kikyo. She seemed to
like him, but refused to accept him. Nothing worked with her.
Even when he tried to understand, his confusion only seemed to
anger her, as if he'd purposely ignored her feelings. And she
had such tender, easily hurt feelings.

The slightest mistake on his part was enough to send her into
a fury, and the resulting control drove him crazy. Kikyo had
sought to change him, to soften him. He hadn't minded because
her methods were light. She'd left it completely up to him,
giving directions but not forcing anything. And she'd never
punished him for his confusion. She'd given him time to sort
through it on his own. That was her wisdom, her maturity,
something that marked her as an entirely different person from
Kagome. If Kagome had wisdom, it was incomprehensible to him.
She seemed as short tempered as he was, but more prone to take
it out on him than anyone he'd ever known. He had never met
someone who claimed to care about him, but who was willing to
humiliate him on a regular basis. It was almost enough to make
him wonder about his demon rages. If he were to turn that
blind power against the necklace, would it be enough to break
the thing? He sometimes wondered if Kagome would still care
about him if she were unable to control him with a single
word. With her short temper, he didn't think she would.

But that wasn't true.

Even as the thoughts curled through his mind, Inuyasha knew it
was bitterness talking, frustration taking its toll. No, he
didn't like the way she treated him like some sort of human
pet, with her 'sit' command. But he didn't really believe she
did it to humiliate him. A punishment, yes, but not
intentional cruelty or any sign of a sadistic turn in her. She
simply didn't know what it did to him, being silenced in an
instant, physically attacked for nothing more than his own
confusion over her human ways, for just being himself. And he
was certain she had no idea of the actual pain her order
caused. He'd never tell anyone how much being slammed into the
ground hurt. The blow to his pride was painful enough without
adding to it. Besides, anyone who had ever fought would know
how much it hurt. It was like being thrown down by a powerful
demon, with enough force to crack solid rock on occasion. If
she didn't know enough about him to realize he felt pain the
same as anyone else, then he wouldn't be the one to tell her.
He was just glad the others hadn't noticed. Being laughed at
was bad enough without being pitied.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as if lightning had flashed
through the sky, a sharp blaze of awareness. His eyes
narrowed, his gaze sweeping the forest behind him and the pool
below. He hadn't heard anything, but right now he didn't need
to. Human form or not, that restlessness made him certain
there was a presence nearby, and an interesting one. Something
to pounce on like the predator he was. He could feel his
nerves tingle with excitement and he gritted his teeth in
utter annoyance. It could be an animal for all he knew and he
still reacted like that. How he hated this. Once again, he
gave a brief thanks that Kagome had gone home. He'd never be
able to keep quiet if she 'sat' him right now. The last time
she'd done that in his human form, it had knocked him out
cold. This time he knew it wouldn't, and chances were he'd say
or do something he'd dearly regret later.

A shadow moved below him and his thoughts cleared again, all
of his attention focusing as sharply as before. It was odd.
Normally his senses were mute in his human form, but now he
could swear a scent was reaching him. And it was very
familiar. A moment later the person reached the moonlit pool
and his suspicions were confirmed.

Another wave of annoyance hit him the moment he set eyes on
Miroku. His muscles clenched in a manner that would have been
nothing in his hanyou form. They ached now, far too tight for
his human body to suffer for any extended period of time. He
tried to calm that instinctive reaction. There wasn't any
reason to be angry. A look was enough to tell him Miroku had
no idea he was above him. The monk hadn't tracked him, he'd
simply come to the same area by coincidence.

Right.

He knew it was true, but he didn't believe it for a second.
Oh, how he hated this frustrating lack of logic. Why did he
have an urge to jump down and strangle his friend, just
because he happened to intrude into his chosen area? And why
did he feel so tempted to jump, even when he knew it would
likely break his weak human bones if he did?

Frustrating, annoying, definitely madness. And stupid.

Yes, it would be funny to see Miroku's expression if he were
to suddenly land in front of him. But he didn't feel like
laughing. He wanted to frighten him, not because it would be
funny, but because the thought made his senses rush. And that
made about as much sense as anything - no sense at all.

He watched Miroku set something down on the rock next to the
pool. The items were familiar, and he knew immediately why his
friend had come out here. And that realization brought another
one to mind in a bolt that made his breath catch in his
throat. He could feel his face getting cold, and then hot, and
his stomach twisted in disgust at himself.

It wasn't annoyance that made him want to attack. He didn't
just want to jump down there and scare his friend. He wanted
to jump him. The human had entered his territory, and that
made him prey. The thought sickened him, even as it excited
him. This was wrong.

He didn't mind thinking of Kagome. He liked her, and it was
natural for him to be attracted to her, an instinctive drive
to reproduce. And he knew that imagining her was safe because
he'd never do anything about it, no matter how strong the
urge. But this was wrong. If his past had taught him anything
it was that he hated those who preyed upon their own sex. He'd
never had any reaction to males aside from unease and disgust.
The very idea that he might be tempted to do such a thing tore
at him. That he was trembling at the thought of doing it to
his friend was unacceptable.

He made no attempt to deny it, his gaze locked on Miroku as
his friend started to undress. He couldn't seem to tear his
eyes away, but at least he knew he had no reason to be afraid
of himself. Even if the urge got beyond his control, he
couldn't do anything in his human form. He could look and ache
until the dizzy lust overwhelmed him and still, nothing would
come of it. Miroku was stronger than his human form. No matter
what his instincts were telling him, his friend was anything
but a weak prey just waiting to be taken. There was no harm in
looking. Excited anticipation held his body immobile as he
fought with himself, but he refused to agree with that
seemingly logical voice telling him to enjoy the show.

Inuyasha glared down at Miroku, his sharp voice breaking the
silence. "What do you think you're doing?"

Miroku flinched, his wide eyes flying around him.

Inuyasha might have smirked at the startled look on his
friend's face. He would have liked to smirk at it. Instead, he
felt himself react to the vulnerable look in a way that made
his throat tighten in a soft growl. This was as bad as the
senseless bloodshed he'd done not too long ago. It disgusted
him that he'd get such a rise out of being in a position of
power, even if it were a false position. He reminded himself
again that Miroku could easily fend him off in this form. The
reminder wasn't comfort enough.

"Not very quick, are you." The taunt came out far too low, a
husky, dangerous growl. Dark eyes turned up on him, and he
could see how his cold voice had stopped any relief Miroku
might have felt when he realized it was just him. That was
just as well. He didn't want to encourage him.

"You're in a nasty mood," Miroku called up. He couldn't see
Inuyasha, not with his dark human hair and eyes blending into
the shadows of whatever tree he was hiding in. But there was
no mistaking the downright hostile voice. His own lightened in
response, countering the unfriendly mood. "Want to talk about
it?" He heard a soft sound that might have been a growl. It
made him smirk wider. "I guess not."

"Go away," Inuyasha said. His stomach twisted violently at the
human's playful tone and he cursed his instincts for reacting
this way. Miroku's blatant trust in him was painful to see.

The order had little effect.

Miroku raised an eyebrow, his gaze scanning the trees since he
didn't know exactly where Inuyasha was. "Why? And why did you
run off earlier? I doubt Naraku would attack without the
shards here, so there's no reason to hide. But even if he did,
it's safer if we all stay together."

Silence answered him this time and he sighed, scowling up in
the general direction Inuyasha's voice had come from. "Fine."
He turned away, moving back to the rock he'd left his towel
and soap on. "If you don't want to talk to me, then just
pretend I'm not here." There wasn't an answer to that either.
He figured Inuyasha had left until he started to remove his
robe.

"What are you doing?!"

There was a strange quality to that voice, still that oddly
cold tone, but something else that made Miroku's eyes narrow.
He sounded worried, agitated, and definitely angry. Miroku
kept his back to him, as if he didn't notice. If Inuyasha
didn't want to tell him what was wrong, then it was his
choice.

"What does it look like? I'm taking a bath." He didn't add
that he'd spent the last few hours looking for him, or that
he'd managed to slip in the dark and get more than a little
dirty. And he definitely didn't mention the pack of demons
he'd sucked into the air void when they'd tried to eat him.
Inuyasha didn't need to know about the trouble he'd gone to,
not when he was so set on hiding his own troubles.

Inuyasha went mute the moment Miroku shrugged off his robe.
His eyes caught on the dark, tightly held hair, not shifting
down until he clenched his hands.

He wanted to dig his claws into that hair.

Nevermind that he had no claws at the moment, the image was
vivid in his mind. Pale skin drew his gaze lower, and he
paused again on a faint reddish mark on Miroku's upper back.
He knew that burn mark was as fresh as it looked. A demon had
sent an acidic cocoon at him, and Miroku had jumped in as
well, shielding him from it. He'd repaid his friend by freeing
them both before slaughtering everyone involved. It had been
mere days ago. The reminder should have sickened him, but now
it felt appropriate. Everything those men had done made them
deserving of death.

His guilt fell away. And something else rose to take its
place. Cold calm. There were scratches on Miroku's left,
glove-free hand, and bruises along his arms. And he was
favoring his right wrist.

The water was cold, but the night was warm enough that he
didn't mind. Miroku wanted to soak more than anything, and he
leaned back against the rocks. His arm ached faintly, not bad
considering he'd taken in a pack of wolf demons. He'd have to
mention that to Kouga the next time he saw him. In the
meantime, he let his gloved arm rest on his bent knee and sunk
deeper in the water.

He was almost glad Inuyasha was being grumpy. He hadn't
expected to meet up with him, not after looking for hours with
no luck. Right now he just wanted to relax for a while. Truth
told, they didn't get to do that very often anymore, between
chasing shards and being chased by Naraku and his minions. It
figured the first break they had and Inuyasha would run off,
ruining what could have been a nice calm night or two. He
sniffed at that, and promptly inhaled a bit of water. Sitting
up sharply, he rubbed at his nose and scowled. Then he saw
something out of the corner of his eye that nearly sent him
right back under.

Inuyasha was sitting cross-legged on the rock behind him, just
a few feet to his right.

"Don't sneak up on me," Miroku sputtered. Calm dark eyes
regarded him evenly, and he shook his head. He still wasn't
used to Inuyasha's human form. It was simply too different
from the white-haired hanyou he spent most of his time with.

"What happened to you?" Wide dark blue eyes blinked at him,
and Inuyasha returned the look without changing his
expression. He could see much better at this range, the
bruising darker than it had looked to his human eyes from a
distance. And the light scratches on the back of Miroku's neck
made something click in his mind.

He knew why he'd imagined digging his claws into that dark
hair, why the image was so vivid in his mind. It was the
quickest way to get control of a struggling person without
causing too much damage, and he obviously wasn't the first to
think of it. But why now? And why did he know with absolute
certainty that it was because of him?

"What happened?" Miroku repeated, blinking in confusion. "You
nearly scared me to death, that's what. I thought you'd left,
or that you were still up there ignoring me."

"No. Who did you fight with?" Inuyasha's eyebrow twitched when
a teasing smile spread over Miroku's face. This definitely
wasn't the right time to get teased, and he really didn't want
to deal with any of Miroku's usual jokes.

"Is it that obvious?" Miroku asked. He'd washed off most of
the dirt from his slide, so he had seen the spots that refused
to wash away. But it wasn't that light out, even with the
stars reflecting on the open water. The bruises had to be
darker than he'd thought if Inuyasha noticed in his human
form. He was well aware of how limited his friend was like
that.

"Yes," Inuyasha said sharply. "Especially your-" He'd been
reaching out to point at the scratch marks on the back of
Miroku's neck, but he froze midway. His friend had flinched
back, jerking his head to the side in a way that made those
feelings from earlier spring back to mind. The second the
human had moved, the muscles in his arm had clenched to grab
at that fleeting tail of hair. He wasn't sure if Miroku had
just moved quicker than him, or if he'd actually managed to
stop himself. Wide dark eyes were staring at him, and he
blinked, forcing himself to sit back again and doing his best
to wipe the 'caught' look off his face. He raised an eyebrow
and Miroku promptly flushed.

"Heh..." Brushing a hand over the back of his neck, Miroku
flashed a weak smile, his cheeks hot with embarrassment.
"Guess I'm a little skittish. I had a strange encounter with
some demons earlier - they lost, of course. But it was touch
and go for a minute there. Really strange. That's the first
time a demon's tried to eat me since I was six." Inuyasha
blinked, giving him a funny look that made him grin.

"Eat you?" Inuyasha's voice was as incredulous as his
expression.

Miroku stared for a long moment before gifting his friend with
a sly smirk. "Either that or they were trying to get lucky and
mistook me for a girl. Since I'm not half as effeminate
looking as you are right now, I seriously doubt that." That
comment had an instant effect, and he laughed at Inuyasha's
outraged expression. "You remind me of Kagome with your hair
like that - same shade, length, and your faces are even
similar. It's uncanny."

As much as the insult made him want to dunk the impudent
human, Inuyasha restrained himself. He wasn't about to touch
him, and his furious expression faded as he gave a soft growl
of annoyance. Miroku's eyes gleamed when he laughed, and no
matter what he said to the contrary, he was more than pretty
enough for demons to have attacked him. But the idea that
they'd been trying to eat him was ludicrous. If that were the
case, they would have been aiming for the kill, not
immobilizing him. "So a pack jumped you? What kind?"

Not having expected Inuyasha to go back to the subject so
quickly after his taunt, Miroku blinked in surprise. His smile
disappeared, replaced with a thoughtful frown. "That was what
was so weird about it," he said. "Wolf demons. They actually
looked a lot like the guys Kouga hangs out with, though I
didn't recognize them. I really hope they weren't friends of
his. But if they were, he better not try blaming me for this
one. I was just walking along, minding my own business. They
attacked me, all I did was defend myself - and I wouldn't have
had to kill them all if they'd have just stopped after I got
rid of the first one."

Canines. Probably going through the same exigency he was, but
with less reason to hold back. Inuyasha glared, his throat
closing on the urge to growl. Even if that were the case, they
should have recognized Miroku if they were from Kouga's pack.
As much as he disliked the wolf, Kouga did respect Kagome and
her friends, which made Miroku as 'off-limits' as a human
could get. Besides that, they should have known about the air
void. If they were another group, that would explain it, but
the chances of another pack coming into Kouga's territory were
slim to none. Kouga would have chased them out the moment he
caught scent of them. "How many? How big was the pack?"

"Six or seven," Miroku said. "I didn't really get a chance to
count heads." He gave a weak smile, still rubbing his neck.
"They pretty much treated me like a rabbit and pounced. One of
them got me down and that was about it. I'm sure there were at
least six, more than that I can't say. Gets a little hard to
count how many get sucked in when you're tearing up half the
forest as well."

"And where was this?"

"On a slope a few miles off," Miroku shrugged. "I didn't go
that far from camp." He glanced over and frowned at Inuyasha's
sober expression. "Why? It's not like this is the first time a
demon's attacked one of us. And Naraku definitely didn't send
them or I wouldn't have had such an easy time of it. The way
they attacked, I don't think they were expecting me to put up
much resistance. Although, I did think they were acting a
little strange, more animal than youkai." He caught Inuyasha's
eye and smirked. "They were growling more than you do when you
fight with Kagome."

Inuyasha snorted, folding his arms over his chest. "Well,
don't go wandering around like that. We might not have the
shards, but that doesn't mean it's safe."

"You don't have to tell me that," Miroku said, sobering up
again. "You're the one who ran off in the first place, if
you'll remember." Dark eyes shifted away from him, Inuyasha's
shoulders stiff in a way that spoke volumes of how much he
didn't want to talk about it. He sighed, turning a bit so he
was leaning half on his stomach against the rocks, propping
his chin in his palms. The water was too cool to stay in much
longer, but he wasn't quite ready to leave. "Why did you run
off earlier? Kagome was in a good mood when she left, so I
know you guys didn't have a fight."

"I just didn't want to listen to you and that idiot fox yap
all night," Inuyasha sniffed, his head still turned away. The
hairs on the back of his neck were rising, proof that he was
very much aware of the human's gaze, and their proximity. He
wasn't about to look at him.

"Nonsense," Miroku said, giving a firm shake of his head.
"Shippou was already curled for the night and I didn't say
anything. We were both being quiet when you stalked off and
you know it. What's bothering you?"

The instant retort that came to mind was to tell the human
that he was bothering him, and it was certainly true. But
Inuyasha couldn't make himself leave. If he told Miroku that
he was annoying him, his friend would expect him to leave
immediately afterward. He'd surely ask more questions once he
realized Inuyasha wasn't going anywhere. "What do you think
was bothering me?" Inuyasha muttered instead, curling his
hands more tightly over his folded arms. "I hate being human."

"I know that," Miroku admitted. "We talked about that. I know
you hate being vulnerable. But that's why we stay together
when you turn, so you won't be alone. I told you last time, I
don't mind watching you until you're normal again." Dark eyes
snapped to him, and he gave a small smile. "I'm serious, you
know. You take the brunt of all of our fights. The least I can
do is help out when you can't fight for yourself. There's
nothing wrong with that." His friend was giving him a strange
look that he couldn't quite read, clearly he was insulted but
he didn't look angry so much as bothered. Miroku turned his
smile into a smirk. "Besides, don't you think I like coming in
handy once in a while? Half the time when we fight I end up
being completely useless because of those wasps. This is about
the only chance I get to be the strong one of the group."

Inuyasha sniffed, dragging his gaze away as he returned to
glaring at the woods to his right. "Even with the wasps, you
still fight."

"But there's only so much you can do with wards," Miroku
shrugged. "And getting sick for days isn't really helpful when
I use the void around the wasps. It just makes me another
weakness if we're attacked too often. You on the other hand,
even now you're only weak for a night. Think about it, just
one night. In a few hours you'll be back to full strength and
the rest of us will be following your lead again. What's so
hard about being dependent for a single night?"

"It's not that," Inuyasha growled. He hadn't meant to say
that, but Miroku was clearly trying to placate him. This had
nothing to do with him being dependent, though he really hated
having to rely on anyone. He'd already admitted to himself
that he was grateful for their protection when his human
shifts occurred. It might have been demeaning to admit it, but
he wasn't going to lie to himself. He liked being able to
sleep, knowing his friends had his back. That was a comfort
he'd never known before meeting them. While he wasn't going to
thank Miroku for being there, he didn't want him to think he
wasn't wanted. "I don't want to talk about it."

"All right, then." Miroku waited, watching those tense
shoulders. But Inuyasha didn't so much as stand in preparation
for the expected exit. Blinking in surprise, he leaned back in
the water. "Are you going to come back to camp with me?" He
might have winced after he realized Inuyasha would take that
as an insinuation that he was afraid to go by himself. But
still, the expected reaction didn't come. Inuyasha nodded, his
dark hair shifting against red on the back that faced him.
"Oh. Well, just give me a minute. I'm done here anyway."

Inuyasha could swear his hearing had never been so good in his
human form. He could make out every shift of that water as
Miroku moved, could pinpoint exactly what he was doing,
standing, shifting a leg, stretching, all without a single
glance back. Half of that he immediately passed off as his
imagination. That fiery persistent pulse in him was goading
him by giving far too vibrant an image of what was behind him.
But he was still certain the water sounded louder than it
should have. The only explanation would be that exigency
continued to enhance his animal nature, even when that side
should have been completely dormant. He'd have to make damn
sure he stayed away from the bathing pools for the next week,
until this passed out of his system. There was no way he'd be
able to resist looking in his normal form.

That thought confused him, a distraction that he grasped and
held onto like a child with a new toy. Why was he thinking
this would last after tonight? Less than an hour ago all of
his focus had been on Kagome. Yes, he'd definitely been
attracted to Miroku once the human came into his territory,
but that was a passing interest. It was the same thing he'd
have felt if a stranger walked by him. He'd had that before
with females in the various villages before he met Kikyo. One
would pass by where he was hidden and he'd be struck with
instant furious desire to pounce, to attack and claim. But
after the human was out of sight, he hadn't given a second
thought - focusing on the next target until the instinct faded
away. There was no reason to think he'd remain focused on
Miroku once he had Kagome as a potential target.

So why did he feel an impending danger at the mere thought of
the following days in the human's company? Now he found
himself wishing that Kagome would come back tomorrow, or the
day after at the very latest. She was a much better target.
Human or not, he knew that if he couldn't fight himself then
he would claim her as a mate. Demon interaction with the same
sex was too degrading to even think about. They were known to
take human females, he himself stood as proof of that, though
it was frowned upon. The resultant child marked her as a
one-time target at worst, a permanent mate at best. But males
were used for sport, competition, a test of strength and
prowess. No matter that half the targets were too weak to
defend themselves, that just meant most died after the first
attack.

Only the strongest demons took target males as permanent
mates, those powerful enough to fend off any others attempting
to steal them away. It was something that Inuyasha had never
considered 'natural' and something he was certain would die
out some day. What good was it to have a permanent mate
incapable of childbearing? Demons might not mind fighting
amongst themselves in the absence of weaker, human targets,
but females of their kind were valued. A pregnant female was
off limits for such a thing, at least until the child was
born. Canine species were one of the few exceptions to this
rule, since most of their births were litters. But even they
protected the females for life, at least when they weren't
heavy with pups. Naturally they kept the females pregnant as
much as possible so they wouldn't have to watch them at all
times.

Male mates, though, they were up for grabs their entire lives.
Sure, there were exceptions, some pairs returned the marks,
voiding the 'target' demon. But even then, they couldn't
reproduce. It was just begging for more hanyou births, mated
demons seeking female humans as a chance to spread their
lineage. Inuyasha would no sooner force another hanyou to
suffer his life than he'd mark a male as a target. It was just
one more reason he wanted to become a full demon. As he was,
he had nothing to look for but a bleak existence alone.

"Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as all that."

Inuyasha jerked back, his eyes flying up to find Miroku right
in front of him. Too close, he was far too close. He tried to
move away, but his traitorous muscles refused to obey him, the
concerned look on his friend's face making him wince and drop
his eyes.

"You look like someone just died," Miroku frowned. He hadn't
seen such a dark dreary expression on Inuyasha's face since
the last time Kikyo had made an appearance and Kagome had
stormed off. "Come on, let's go back and you can sleep it off.
A few more hours, then you'll be your old self again."

A light hand fell on his shoulder, turning him and prodding
him in the direction of the camp. And where his body had
ignored his orders, it now obeyed that push, all of his nerves
centered on the contact as if his shoulder were burning from
it. Inuyasha glared at his feet. Why was he being so nice?
Miroku should have been poking fun at him, making some crude
joke in an attempt to irritate and distract him. This quiet
comfort was adding more weight to the disgusted guilt he
already felt. The damn monk was never this serious.

But that wasn't true.

He'd been just this way when Inuyasha had admitted to being
afraid during his human shifts. He had given him that same
soft look, that same comforting reassurance as he sat up with
him that first night. No matter how much Inuyasha liked to
pass him off as a perverted joker, he knew better. He'd never
call Miroku a friend if he didn't know the human cared about
him just like Kagome did. That was why they were the only two
humans aside from Kikyo that he'd allowed himself to trust. He
just hated being reminded of that right now. And he definitely
didn't want to be touched by him.

Inuyasha quickened his pace, and Miroku blinked in surprise,
his arm falling to his side. He'd been convinced he would have
to push him all the way to camp, as much as the stubborn
hanyou had been dragging his feet. Now he was the one being
left behind. With a snort, he caught up again, shaking his
head at Inuyasha. "You're not going to run off again, are you?
If you really don't want to talk about it, then I won't say
anything."

"I'm going back," Inuyasha muttered, keeping his eyes straight
ahead. "And there's nothing to talk about."

Of course there was, but Inuyasha was like a stubborn child
when he got like this. The only way to take it was to either
sit back and let Kagome 'osuwari' it out of him, or let him
have his way. Miroku smirked, giving a quick nod. "Whatever
you say."

The monk passed him, his dark robes seeming to glow in
Inuyasha's vision despite the shading trees. That Miroku would
so carelessly put his back to him made that instinct growl as
if challenged, but he shoved that down the moment it reared
its ugly head. This was a bad idea and he knew it. How was he
supposed to sit quietly in that little shack with Miroku
asleep at his feet? There was no way. He'd go back, but he was
spending the night in the tree outside where he had plenty of
open space and no visible target. If Miroku wanted to argue,
he could argue till his face turned blue. Human or not,
Inuyasha would have an advantage over him if he were asleep
and that was just too risky. Mere hours ago he'd been hoping
Kagome would be gone for a week. Now he fervently hoped she'd
be back by sunrise. Shippou made a poor chaperone.

- - -
TBC
--notes--
There are three parts to this before it merges into 'Heart of
Darkness'.