InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Expectation ❯ Chapter 7

"Many expectant dads report that during the second trimester there is a change in the sexuality with their partners. Each expectant mom will respond differently to the hormonal changes her body is going through. For some women pregnancy can intensify their sexual arousal, while for others it appears to diminish it. As a father-to-be it is important to see that in this second trimester many of your partner's responses may be driven by the changes her body and hormones are putting her through. At this point in the pregnancy you may begin to feel concerned about how your relationship with your partner is fluctuating. You may begin to notice how the routines you have taken for granted are changing. If you both used to enjoy going out weekend evenings and now she feels too fatigued, how are you going to respond? You may feel disappointed to discover the partner you felt you knew and understood and depended on is no longer herself. Every couple experiences these changes differently. Try and talk with your partner about the changes your feel the relationship is going. Try and be understanding with each other about all the happiness, guilt, anticipation, ambivalence and frustration that is now going on in your lives. Establishing a pattern of "open communication" with your partner at this time will allow the both of you to move toward the birth in a more supportive and positive relationship."

Pregnant Fathers: The Second Trimester
by Bruce Linton, Ph.D.

Part 7

The sun had set completely by the time they reached the outskirts of the village. The birds had silenced, flying home to their roosts for the night, only to be replaced by the singing of the crickets. The other, less pleasant insects were also making their presence known to those unfortunate enough to remain out of doors; the gnats, mosquitoes and the Japanese beetles were all buzzing lazily around the unprotected heads of any weary travelers still heading for home. Kagome walked a few paces behind Inuyasha, her eyes trained on the ground in front of her, keeping a sharp eye out for any sudden bumps or dips in the road. The last thing that she needed was to miss a loose rock or branch in the darkness and trip. Inuyasha already kept her on a pretty tight leash. If he suspected that her lack of night-vision was going to start posing possible threats to herself and the pup, she'd never be allowed out of doors after sunset again, with or without his company. Besides, it was better than staring mutely at the back of his head.

Not that he had offered anything in the way of conversation. In fact, he hadn't spoken two words to her since they'd left the Goshimboku. She found it disheartening, but not at all surprising. This was his way. Something she had done had made him feel uncomfortable, and he'd closed himself off. It wasn't the first time, and by the gods, it wouldn't be the last. She just wished she knew what exactly his problem was. He had agreed to stay with her, of his own free will. She hadn't sensed any desire, nor struggle within him to leave, and she was usually fairly good at interpreting his moods. In all fairness, once he had made the decision, he had been very attentive to her, if not overly so. She could barely walk from one side of the room to another without him following on her heels. But that seemed a small comfort when they didn't even share a bed, as lovers or otherwise. Her skin was forgetting the graze of his fangs against her throat, and what his fingers had felt like, exploring her body in the dark. The thought of those long-lost encounters in the woods lead her back to that burning question she had asked beneath the Goshimboku.

What was she to him?

She had asked him once about Kikyo. It had been right after that binding incident with Miroku, when they had sat together on the floor of Kaede's hut, embracing. She'd had to coax it out of him, but he'd finally told her that the next time he and the wandering miko should meet, he would sever his ties. It was the least he could do, he had said. For the pup. Yes, no one could fault him on owning up to his responsibly, but as she was coming to realize, he had never set any guidelines for what their relationship was to be. Oh, she knew that he cared for her, that he had for quite a long time. She knew that he had lusted after her body, and in her weakness, her desire to be loved in return, she had given herself to him. Looking back now, she realized that it may have been a mistake. Still, she knew that if she had it to do all over again, she could never refused him. But then, that didn't seem to be an issue anymore. She was the one who being refused.

When they passed silently into the village, Kagome finally looked up, taking in the modest huts with their thatched roofs and the reed curtains in their doorways. She and Inuyasha did not have a place amongst these huts. No thatched roof, no doorway to call their own, and left up to him, they never would. He didn't like being indoors. She wondered what would become of them when the baby was born. They couldn't stay on in Kaede's cramped little hut indefinitely. Even if she could somehow manage to convince the village men to build her a hut of her own, which was doubtful, considering the general animosity towards herself and her unborn as of late, Inuyasha would not stay there. It made her uneasy, knowing that their future was so uncertain.

"Soya, Miki, Hisaki! Come inside before the bakemono gets you!" An older, haggard-looking woman called out from the cheerfully lit doorway of her home into the dark street. Kagome felt a stab of envy. Judging by the lines on her face, the woman's life could not have been an easy one, but at least she knew her place in the world. Moments later, a small passel of urchins ran noisily by them; presumably Soya, Miki and Hisaki, anxious to escape the jaws of the imaginary bakemono for another night. Careless as children often are, the tallest boy accidentally sideswiped Kagome as they ran by, knocking her with his elbow. Startled, she let out a small cry and stumbled forward into Inuyasha's back. Within seconds, the boy had been dragged back by his shirt.

"G-gomen, Miko-sama!" the child exclaimed, his voice trembling almost as much as his knees.

"Next time watch where you're going, kid!" Inuyasha growled. When he bore his fangs, the terrified adolescent looked a few seconds away from wetting his pants right there in the street.

"Inuyasha, please, it was an accident." Kagome said, shushing him. She turned to the boy, her face softening. "It's alright, you didn't hurt me. Don't mind Inuyasha, he's just worried about the ba-"

"Gomen, Miko-sama!" the boy cried again, then turned on his heels and ran to where his brothers stood huddled together, as if awaiting their execution. Together, the three boys scrambled into the house as if their very lives depended on closing that reed curtain between themselves and the outside world.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome scolded, rearing on the hanyou, but she stopped cold when she caught the look on his face.

"It's not like I was going to hurt him or anything." he said quietly, staring at the doorway where the reed curtain was still swinging chaotically. "I was just telling him to be more careful. He could have hurt you, running around like that." Kagome reached out, taking his hand.

Oh Inuyasha… For all your talk about having to be tough, deep down it still bothers you, doesn't it? Especially when it's a child.

"It's to be expected, I'm afraid." a familiar voice hailed them from the side of the road.

"Kaede-bachan." Kagome exclaimed, turning to greet the elderly miko.

"Don't forget that in the last fifty years, you've become somewhat of a legend around here. In fact, before you were unsealed, the mothers of this village used to call to their children each night 'Come inside before Inuyasha gets you.'"

"Oi, Kaede-baba!" Inuyasha interrupted loudly, the passing moment of vulnerability apparently forgotten. "What's an old crone like you doing out this late?"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome hissed, pinching his arm.

"I am just now coming back from a meeting with the headman and the village elders." Kaede explained patiently.

"Oh yeah? What's all the excitement about? Did they finally find a cure for senility?"

"Inuyasha!"

"Ow! Knock it off bitch, that hurts!"

"Actually, we were discussing-" But before Kaede could finish, the reed curtain on her own hut was pulled back, and Sango emerged, peering out into the darkness.

"There you are!" she cried, waving them toward her impatiently. "We were starting to worry. Come inside, dinner's ready."

"Yes Kagome-sama," Miroku called merrily, appearing suddenly from behind Sango. "Hurry up and come inside before Inuyasha gets you!"

"Houshi-sama!" Sango hissed, pushing him back inside.

"Those two…" Inuyasha growled, his shoulders hunching up. "I think they were listening at the door that whole time!"

"Really? What clued you in?" Kagome asked blandly, following him into the hut.

"It's about time!" Sango scolded as they stepped inside and found their seats. "It was beginning to get cold." When Inuyasha sat next to Kagome instead of directly across from her as was their usual arrangement, she couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to avoid her eyes.

"Here you go." Sango continued, handing them each a bowl filled with some sort of steaming meat stew.

"You didn't cook this, did you?" Inuyasha asked, eyeing his bowl warily. Kagome elbowed him in the ribs, sending a big glob of stew sloshing over the side of his bowl and into his lap. Apparently, sitting next to him was not without it's advantages.

"No…" Sango said evenly, gritting her teeth as she attempted to let the comment slide. "Rest assured that it was made by Houshi-sama."

"That's a relief." Inuyasha muttered, poking at a lump of meat experimentally with his chopsticks. "It's a good thing you're such a great fighter Sango, 'cause you're totally useless when it come to food."

"It smells wonderful, Miroku-sama." Kagome said quickly, trying to draw the attention away from Inuyasha. Sango wouldn't understand, and gods help him, he probably thought that he had just paid her a compliment.

"Do you think so? Let me know if you like it. I found these wonderful herbs about a half mile from the village-"

"This is what you did with your day?" Inuyasha snorted in disgust. "Napped under a tree and gathered herbs? You're becoming much too comfortable here, Miroku."

"Yes, well." Miroku began hesitantly, casting a meaningful glance at Inuyasha. "I've had a lot of free time on my hands over the last few months, and nothing worthwhile with which to fill it."

"Yes. The girls from the village have been suggesting that you fill those empty hands with something, houshi-sama, and quickly." Sango muttered snidely, her face hidden behind her bowl.

"I've been trying to." Miroku replied innocently.

"Something else, houshi-sama. Really, they're starting to complain."

"That reminds me," Kaede said quietly, edging her way into the conversation. "I went to meet with the village elders this evening. They were asking about you. All of you. They want to know how long you intend to stay."

"What is that, some kind of a threat?" Inuyasha demanded, dropping his chopsticks to the floor with an unsettling clack. "We'll stay as long as we damn well please, and not a second less! And I'd love to see them try to do anything about it!"

"Calm down, Inuyasha. They have no intention of trying to chase you out, not after everything you've done to protect this village." Kaede sighed, pausing to choose her next words carefully. "What it comes down to is that they're not used to you being around all the time. Normally, you stay for maybe a few days at most, and then you're back on the road. It's usually not an issue, but what with Inuyasha's constant presence over the last few months, Kagome's unusual pregnancy and the monk's wandering hands, you're making them, well…nervous."

"We make them nervous?!" Inuyasha fumed, leaning forward onto his palms to yell in the old hag's face. "What about the way their fucking women have been treating Kagome? Like she's a gaddamn disease or something?!"

"Inuyasha, don't." Kagome implored, pulling on his sleeve as she tried to get him to sit back down. "I'm fine! Tough, remember?" Miroku coughed into his fist, calling back their attention.

"It's just as well. We've needed to adress this subject for some time." He paused, looking at Sango for confirmation. When she nodded, he began in earnest.

"Sango and I have been talking about this together for awhile now, and we feel that it's best that we pick up where we left off, and soon. I don't think we need to remind anyone here that the shards of the shikon no tama are still out there, as is Naraku. I admit that it's been nice to take a break, but I fear that to delay any further would be a waste of precious time; time in which our enemy will be gaining strength, and time that I, personally, cannot afford." Kagome caught the waver in his voice right at the very end. She wondered if anyone else had noticed it. She wondered if he realized that the fingers on his sealed hand were twitching restlessly.

"Look Miroku, I know how you feel!" Inuyasha said forcefully, his eyes radiating intensely. "I'm itching to get back out there! But I won't risk Kagome, and without her…" Inuyasha trailed off, leaving the unspoken to hang in the air. They all knew. He didn't feel that he needed to say it. Shippou, on the other hand, apparently did.

"Without Kagome, Inuyasha's no good." he piped up helpfully. This was immediately followed by a heavy silence, in which the kitsune waited with his face scrunched up, his head tingling in horrible anticipation of Inuyasha's descending fist. When the blow never arrived, he almost felt cheated. Almost; not enough to call attention to it.

Inuyasha had simply let it go. The fact was that Shippou was right, and even he knew it.

Ah yes, Inuyasha's shard detector. Kagome thought ruefully. Chalk that up as one more thing that I am not. Put it right up there along with virgin, lover and resident of the twentieth century.

"I'm sorry." she whispered into the weighty silence. "I'm so sorry, everyone. I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted to be a burden."

"No, Kagome-chan, you're not." Sango said quietly, leaning over to pat her hand comfortingly. "It's not your fault."

"Inuyasha, we knew that you would feel this way." Miroku said in a low voice, pulling the hanyou aside. "That is why Sango and I have decided to go alone."

"Alone?!" Inuyasha hissed, "What are you, crazy? I mean, you're both good fighters, but come on! You don't stand a chance against Naraku without me! And even if you did, I'm going to be the one to kill that bastard, and no one else!" Miroku smiled tolerantly at the hanyou's scowling face.

"We also knew that you would say that. This is what we've come up with. Sango and I will be leaving tonight, right after dinner-"

"Tonight?! Fuck! When were you planning on telling us?"

"I'm telling you now. You see why I spent the day napping? At any rate, with the days being as unbearably hot as they've been this season, it will be much faster and easier if we travel at night. We're also taking Kirara with us, and that will help speed things up immensely. We plan to scout around, doing whatever we can to collect shards and information. I promise you, if we discover anything of great importance, we'll come right back and you'll be the first to know. It's not a perfect plan, but it's the best we could come up with. What do you think?" Inuyasha took a minute to consider everything Miroku had just told him while he gnawed on his bottom lip.

"I don't like it." he said finally, "But then I don't see that we have any other choice."

Sango and Miroku were as good as their word. Not long after the bowls from the evening meal had been cleared away, Sango had donned her armour and they were saying their goodbyes.

"Be careful, Sango-chan." Kagome whispered into the taijiya's ear, hugging her awkwardly over the modest swell of her belly.

"We'll be back soon," Sango promised, "you'll see. Houshi-sama and I will both be too worried about you and the baby to stay away for very long."

"That's sweet, but I'll be fine, really." Kagome pulled away, feeling a light tap on her shoulder.

"Kagome-sama?"

"Take care, Miroku-sama!" she sighed, hugging the monk as well. Hell, she was pregnant and emotional. She was entitled.

"I will, rest assured."

"And behave yourself. Don't make Sango have to hurt you."

"Kagome-sama, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." he said incredulously, then dropped his voice down to a whisper and added "But I'll keep that in mind." He then released her, and without so much as a farewell grope, he climbed up behind Sango onto Kirara's back.

"Remember," Inuyasha said firmly, "Anything big, and you come back and tell me. Don't do anything stupid. Especially you, bouzu!" he called as Kirara took to the sky. "And keep your goddamn hands to yourself, you fucking letch!"

"I'm sorry Inuyasha, I can't hear you!" Miroku called back as Kirara flew higher. "Good-bye!"

Inuyasha watched their departure longingly, until they were completely out of sight, fading into the surrounding darkness. Kagome came up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha."

"Don't be stupid, Kagome. It's not your fault. And I'm not the only one who's had to make sacrifices."

They stood out there, side by side, watching the sky until the teeming insects became too much and drove them back inside.

Later that evening, as Kagome lay stretched out on her futon, she finally had a chance to go over the days events in her head and pick them apart rationally. When all of the other worries had been dealt with and neatly laid aside, she found herself returning again and again to what had taken place between herself and Inuyasha beneath the Goshimboku. Or rather, what had not taken place. Rolling over onto her side, she watched him sleep, propped up against the wall, Tetsaiga resting over his shoulder. As she stared at his unconscious face, his unguarded features, that familiar stirring made it's presence known once more.

So what was his problem, anyway? He'd never reacted like that between the time when they'd first slept together and when he'd learned of the baby. Was it guilt? Was he punishing himself for 'ruining her life'? Or maybe he was punishing her, for ruining his? Was he thinking that he'd made a mistake? That by refusing her advances now, he was somehow taking it back? Maybe he simply loved Kikyo more, and that was all there was to it. Maybe he was only staying with her because of the baby. Then there was always the possibility that he just didn't find her very attractive anymore. She was roughly the size of a Buick.

Still, she hadn't imagined that heavy panting… She closed her eyes and pictured him again, the way he'd looked after he'd pushed her away. He certainly hadn't looked unwilling. The heavy breathing, the slumped shoulders, and his ears had been twitching, now that she really tried to recall the image in her mind. So just why, exactly, had he pushed her away? That's what she had to figure out.

She was going to have to experiment.