InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fallen Samurai ❯ Chapter 18 ( Chapter 18 )

DISCLAIMOR: DON'T OWN THE SONG "EASIER TO RUN" BY LINKIN PARK THAT'S WHY IT'S BY LINKIN PARK AND NOT ME.

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Days have passed and Sesshoumaru began to worry more and more about Sango. She had not left her room since that night, and each time he passed her room he could hear her sobs. He tried to enter, but she told him repeatedly to leave her be. He had sent food to her, but it would always return with most of the food on the plate. Even Rin began to worry about her and Sesshoumaru found it hard to say to the young girl that Sango was ill, and that she would see no one.

Perhaps he had been wrong about unlocking her mind. He blamed himself for his obsession with her and wanting to know all. And now, she lay in agony because of his own curiousity. But he had no idea that he would see such horrendous visions! His own half-brother had raped her, and although that gave Sango more reason to trust himself than her comrades, he couldn't help but curse that wretched welp. Well, it was just another reason for him to kill Inuyasha, even though that would mean Naraku would remain alive.

Sesshoumaru passed Sango's room one night, but this time he found it to be silent. He opened the door to find the room completely dark, with the exception of the light coming from the open balcony doors. The wind blew the curtains, and as he walked towards it, he saw Sango's ghostly form standing in the moonlight. She turned to look at him with dull and empty eyes, the wind blowing her white robe open, revealing her loss of weight under her white nightgown. They looked at eachother in a deathly silence, standing in the moonlight. Sesshoumaru reached for her and she collapsed in his arms, holding him tight in an embrace. Sesshoumaru felt that if he held too tight, he would break her, since she felt so weak and light.

"I...I remember what happened," she said in a chilled voice. "When Inuyasha left I was left so battered and weak, I put myself to sleep. I remember the flames of the villiage turning dark and surrounding me as I sealed myself underground so that during my sleep, the demon part of me would heal my body. I slept for fifty years. My toumb was unsealed by an earthquake, and I resurfaced. But because of the trauma and the sleep I lost my memories. I thought I survived the night, not fifty years. I...I thought my family died three years ago but..." her voice trailed off and she was once again in tears.

"Shhh..it's all right. You don't have to talk about it."

"You were right all along Sesshoumaru! I'm sorry I didn't beleive you! I'm sorry for just being alive!!"

"No...I'm sorry princess. For showing you your painful past. I caused you grief."

"You showed me the truth. I just feel so worthless and pathetic! That's what you first thought of me! And it was true!"

Sesshoumaru tilted her chin and made her look up at him. Her eyes were glazed over with her tears and he comfortingly wiped them away. "No. You are not worthless and you are not pathetic."

"You only say that because now you know I'm a demon."

"That's not true. I always thought you were something more. I thought that kiss I gave you in the gardens proved that." He caressed her face lovingly and traced her tears. "Please...don't cry."

Sango looked up at him awed. Please? Did he just say please? Her head felt so foggy, nothing was making sense anymore. But when he leaned down and gave her a light, chaste kiss, it seemed to lift the fog a bit.

"Please," she said breaking away. "I can't do this yet."

"I understand. Now, let's get you to bed."

Sesshoumaru picked her up and cradled her, she leaning her head against his chest. Silent tears still ran down her cheeks, even as he tucked her in bed. He straightened up to leave, but she pulled his hand. He looked at her and she gazed at him hazily.

"Please don't go," she said. "I...I don't want to be alone tonight."

"Only if you stop crying. You soul has been drowned by your tears. I don't want your heart to be as well."

"I won't cry if I'm not alone."

"You will never be alone, princess."

So he got beneath the covers and held her close to him. Sango sighed, contentedly making herself comfortable, resting her head on Sesshoumaru's firm chest. Rin was right, Sesshoumaru was good to her, she had been wrong in her thinking. But she would make up for that by becoming a much stronger person....or rather, DEMON.

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Sesshoumaru awoke the next morning with his heart still heavy from the whole turn of events. He looked next to him only to find Sango not beside him. Alarmed, he rose up and treid to catch her scent. He caught a faint whiff of it but it was enough to tell him that she was in anguish. That she was in a conflict with her own emotions which sent her senses ablaze. He followed the trail, fearing she was trying to run away; that it would be better to hide than to face the truth.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with somthing numb

It's so much easier to go

than face all this pain here all alone.

He made his way to the balcony overlooking the gardens and hills with cherry trees and let a short sigh of relief. She was alive, but was forcused on some vigorous training. She held a branch and held it like her sword, practicing her skills. Her movements were flawless, the fervor in her eyes enflamed with a different fire. Beads of sweat ran down her face in her exertion and he found himself aroused. NO, he thought, he had to control it. She wasn't ready for him and the least thing he wanted was to force more pressure on her

~~~SANGO'S POV~~~

Something has been taken

From deep inside of me

A secret I've kept locked away

No one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show

They never go away

Like moving pictures in my head

For years and years they've played.

Vanity! Everything is vanity! I've lost my pride, my sense of justice, my purity! Everything that I've worked my ass off for has been in vain! This dark secret that even I didn't know about has left me with so many fatal wounds, I could just die. And the worst part is, no matter what I do, there's no escaping my destiny! The events will only play over and over in my mind.

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could

Stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I

Would

I've done so many unforgivable things, since I've been mistaken the whole time. So much so I don't know what I've done wrong anymore. My hands are too stained with blood, my heart is eclipsed in the shadows of evil and darkness, and my soul...completely obliterated. All this shame and feeling of worthlessness is so intense, it's ripping me apart inside. Death seems the only option to make it stop before I loose my sanity.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone.

However I will not result in taking my own life, for this is the reason for my training. I will be rid of Inuyasha and finally be at peace and gain closure. Not just him, but Kagome and Miroku as well. They will all pay for their lies and deceit. And it will be by my own revenge-thirsty hands that I will strike the final blow.

Sometimes I remember

The darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories

I wish I didn't have

Sometimes I think of letting go

And never looking back

And never moving forward so

There would never be a past.

I had long thrown the branch away and was now punching and kicking a tree. My tears had sprung in my eyes once more and ran down my face along with my sweat. It was no use, I couldn't keep up the facade of not being afraid anymore. What was happening to me? I had lost all nerve and conviction! Why did I feel worthless and a failure?! I felt so afraid . . . so alone . . . and I just wanted to get away from it iall. To just make it all go away.

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could

Stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I

Would

I collapsed at the base of the tree, the tears flowing freely as I clung to the trunk of it. Why? WHY!! Why the hell was it turning out this way?! It wasn't supposed to end like this. I have ended. Everything that I am, or once was, is gone, now replaced with someone completely different. Sensing I wasn't alone anymore, I looked up to see Sesshoumaru on the balcony watching me . . . searching me.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

I saw those golden eyes look concerned, worried . . . and a glimpse of longing. Why did he have to look at me like that? Wasn't it enough that since the night I kissed him I've felt weak in the knees? At least he was dependable, and I know he wouldn't sleep around unlike a certain lecher I once knew. But that gaze . . . it was too much for me to bear and I got up and fled, so he wouldn't see me within my humiliation of tears.

Just washing it aside

All of the helplessness inside

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

Is so much simpler than change

'It's probably best if he didn't see me' I thought as I ran into the clearing. 'The look of my condition would sicken him'. That was partially the reason for coming to the large cherry tree that was out of his sight. Also because of the little pride within me that I have left. I can't be so weak in front of him, letting these petty imperfections show. I won't let him see my tears. I don't want his pity. All I want is to be me; the fearless and strong person that I really am. These miniscule obsticles need to be eliminated. I must find a way . . . I will find a way.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone.

"Sango-chan! Sango-chan!" Rin called running up to me. I knelt down and she embraced me in a tight hug. "Are you okay? Sesshoumaru-sama said you were sick."

"Yes Rin," I said softly. "I was sick."

"Do you feel better?" she asked, eyes filled with worry.

I smiled at her and nodded. "A little better now that I see you, Rin."

"I missed you! I was worried!"

I held the little girl close to me. "You don't have to anymore." I noticed Sesshoumaru watching us a distance off.

"Sango-chan? Will you be...I mean can I call you Mama? Please?"

I was stunned at the question, and noticed Sesshoumaru was suprised too, for his eyes widened a bit upon hearing Rin's question. It wasn't too noticable, but the expression was suprise nonetheless.

"Why is that Rin?"

"Because I like you. And because you're warm . . . I remember my Mama being warm."

I looked down at the little girl who cuddled up within my arms, with a content smile on her face. I looked up again at Sesshoumaru who was watching, waiting to hear my reply.

"Yes, Rin, of course you can."

"Really?" she asked, her eyes lighting up. "Yayeee! Sesshoumaru-sama!" she bolted out of my arms and ran up to him. "I have a new Mama! Now I'm not alone, Papa!"

"Yes, Rin," he said to her. "You'll never be alone again."

I knew that by accepting Rin's request would mean she would have expectations of Sesshoumaru and I being together. And when I saw the look in his eyes, I could see the hope, begging for me to say yes. So I did. I did because I felt sorry for Rin loosing her parents and I could relate to that. No one should go through the misery I did. I also did it for me; I didn't want to be alone anymore. Sesshoumaru had promised to care for me always and I felt I needed to be in that care. The look in his eyes now were confirmation and acceptance, that by becoming Rin's mother, I would also become his life-long mate.

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~*~Lady Pheonix~*~