InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Falling Away ❯ Insights and Affections ( Chapter 31 )

Chapter 31 Insights and Affections

 

 

(Sesshoumaru's POV)

 

I hadn't expected this turn of events. There was no plan in my mind for such an occurrence and that fact left me floundering. Once I had decided that Inuyasha was to become my mate - when he came of age - I hadn't given the matter much more thought.

 

Now I find myself in a position that will call for me to compete for Inuyasha's affections and that has me off kilter. I am not accustomed to having to do such things, which leaves me clueless as for what to expect from Inuyasha…or that ningen Monk for that matter.

 

I have had many suitors in my time but I have never found myself pursuing anyone. This now poses the question of what Inuyasha will be expecting from me. At this point (even though I detest having to admit it) the Monk has the advantage. In my numerous encounters with my brother and his group in the past (as well as my observation of them from the shadows) I have witnessed the Monk and his amorous ways. He was not always successful in his attempts but he has at least been in this situation before. These thoughts left me pacing about my chambers trying to decipher the means to accomplish my goal.

 

Well before the feeling of uncertainty settled in, I knew it was a feeling I was going to loathe.

 

Soon I began asking myself questions about Father and some of his previous actions. Is this how he felt when he courted my mother? Or Izayoi? Did he have to really pursue either one of them? If he did, how did he go about it? I've never allowed myself much time to mourn Fathers' loss; but at that moment I found myself missing him, and all of the knowledge he had possessed immensely. I also wondered what he would think of the thoughtless decisions I've made the last few days…

 

During this line of questioning my mind slides back to earlier events and I find myself repulsed at my own behavior. I was well aware of Inuyasha's distress in the corridor, yet I did nothing to help him or remedy the situation. It had disturbed me greatly when I discovered the bond between my Brother and the Monk, my irritation and anger over that situation overriding my concern for Inuyasha's well being and bettering my rational mind.

 

That should have never happened and something within me aches when I contemplate how much I've failed him.

 

The frustration I felt at this was only magnified when I realized that not only had that Houshi saved Inuyasha after I closed our bond, he did so again when he erected that barrier around us all. So not only did he save Inuyasha from possible harm (without a second thought), he protected all of us. Twice, in as many days, I have failed Inuyasha when he has needed me the most and on both occasions that human has stepped in and risked his own safety to ensure his.

 

As my irritation grew so did this feeling of guilt.

 

I was not surprised to see the disappointment with my actions and inactions in Tibade's eyes when he firmly suggested that I leave his quarters. I know his opinion of me should not matter but in some ways, it did. He has been nothing less than proud of me in the century since Father's death and now to have him look at me like that strikes an ill chord with something within me.

 

As if that were not enough on its own, I now find that I am disappointed in myself. I have always felt secure with how I handled things. No matter what life sent my way I always managed to face it with a calm and confident air that has been known to rattle the mightiest creatures. Though now, to find my mind this disheveled over my relationship with Inuyasha is almost incomprehensible not to mention the fact that my recent actions have seemed foreign to even me.

 

Filled with rage, I find that I am no longer able to think straight. I need to release this anger and I need to do it now.

 

My mind made up I left my chambers in search of the Wolf Prince - a round of sparring is in order.

 

(Kouga's POV)

 

The moment I walked through the door of my room I put my fist though the first thing I set my eye's on. I thought back to my actions in the hallway and I couldn't believe that I let my anger control me like that. I'm not known for having the best temper but snapping at Inuyasha like that was uncalled for - even from me. It was no more his fault that Miroku cared for him than it was my fault Ayame had fallen for me.

 

I knew that as soon as the two of them woke, they would discuss the events leading up to that flaming disaster in the hall and it will be no ones fault but my own if Miroku thinks less of me once he hears about my part in all of that.

 

Furious I kicked a footstool and watched it shatter against the wall.

 

I hadn't really thought that Miroku's feelings for Inuyasha had a chance of amounting to anything considering how things were going between the two Lords of the West; but now that Sesshoumaru has screwed up with Inuyasha it's hard to tell what's going to go on.

 

If what Miroku had to say about the things that have taken place between him and Inuyasha were true then they may very well end up together…then what?

 

At that question my anger flared again and the temptation to destroy something else reared its ugly head. I needed to get this out of my system soon or there wasn't going to be much in my room left in one piece.

 

With this in mind I turn around, exit my room intent on burning this frustration off in the courtyard.

 

I hadn't gotten halfway there when I ran into Sesshoumaru, and he appeared to be in the same righteous mood I was in. Upon meeting his heated gaze I realized he was probably headed to the courtyard as well.

 

This would prove to be interesting.

 

Stepping out into the courtyard we stood there, gazes locked together for the longest time, neither wanting to make the first move. This apparently irritated the Youkai Lord and he darted towards me, claws at the ready. Being no match for his speed I dodged the bulk of the attack but still grimaced at the crimson fluids weeping from the fresh gashes down my left side.

 

The Lord of the Western Lands was seriously ticked. However, I felt I could easily show him he is not the only one in a foul mood this evening. With that scheme in mind I countered Sesshoumaru's attack with a round house that caught the Demon Lord behind his left shoulder. If Sesshoumaru was ticked before he was beyond livid now, at least if the expression on his face was anything to go by.

 

The aura around him was all but singing with power as he unleashed a series of sharp blows that left me dazed and, in the end, defeated. I assumed that our little sparring session was over and I began dusting off my aching body. When I bowed to him and turned to leave the courtyard I heard a low threatening growl from the Lord of the West.

 

I could see he was still in the mood to brawl but I knew better than to continue this when he was in this kind of mood. I had no desire to have my head handed to me by the Western Lord.

 

“You haven't been dismissed yet, Ookami.”

 

I was more than a little stunned by his choice of words. In all the months we've been here he has never once used his position as Lord of the West to influence anything. My brow furrowed at this and I decided I would try to be polite regardless. I thought that I might have been reading to much into his words, so I took a calming breath and replied with, “No offense Lord Sesshoumaru, but I've had enough for one evening.”

 

When I finished an odd sort of sneer took up residence on his face and if I wasn't mistaken he chuckled right before his next words; “You claim to be royalty? I suppose the wolves have fallen further than I originally thought.”

 

My fur bristled at his remark and condescending tone. I was glad I had worked off part of my earlier frustration, if I hadn't I would have easily fallen for that bait and resumed fighting. When I turned to face the Youkai Lord I folded my arms across my chest and stared at him while trying to think of the best way to handle the situation.

 

As I stood there while our eyes fought a war of wills, my mind wandered back to the situation in the hall and the reasons that brought us out here to begin with. I knew I was feeling guilty about my actions toward Inuyasha. From the moment the kids showed up I could sense a large amount of unease radiating off the Half-Demon and I did nothing to help. In all actuality, because I was upset, I went out of my way to make it worse for him. Some friend I am. I even called him a mutt and I haven't done that in so long it felt odd when the insult passed my lips.

 

My mind wandered in this fashion for a few moments before something dawned on me; If I could sense Inuyasha's distress then it should have been painfully obvious to Sesshoumaru. No wonder he's in such a foul frame of mind. He's as upset with his actions and inactions as I am with mine - if not more so.

 

I took another deep breath and collected my thoughts.

 

I truly felt for his situation but I wasn't going to let him take it out on me. I had my own problems. Done thinking things over I exhaled heavily. “Look Lord Sesshoumaru, you're clearly in a bad mood and I'm not exactly joyful myself. Let's just call it a night.”

 

For a split second he narrowed his gaze at me and I thought he was actually considering my words. Then faster than my eyes could track he was right in front of me all but seething in anger.

 

“As I said before, Ookami you have not been dismissed.”

 

Alright, at that moment my patience was spent. I didn't give a damn about his station or mine. We were all supposed to be friends and allies regardless of who ruled what and nobody - I mean nobody - gets away with getting in my face throwing their weight around.

 

“Just because you are the Lord of the West doesn't mean that everyone else is beneath you to the point of having to obey your every whim Sesshoumaru,” I retorted, firmly holding my ground, “There are lines you don't cross with friends and allies. I said I am done sparring and that's exactly what I meant.” I snarled through clenched fangs as I strained to keep my anger at the situation under control. When he didn't respond I spun around and resumed my walk toward the palace.

 

“You dare turn your back on me Wolf?”

 

I stopped in mid-stride. “You are an ally Lord Sesshoumaru. I should have no reason to fear tuning my back on you.”

“You are trying my patience.”

“And you are trying mine. I don't know what has you in a foul mood but I'm guessing it has something to do with Inuyasha. What goes on between the two of you is none of my business but I will say this,” when I whirled around to face the Demon Lord I noticed his hands were clenched at his sides. It was clear that whatever was going on inside the Youkai Lord's head was causing him a great deal of stress, and unfortunately for me I was his chosen target. “If this is how you behave toward him when things don't go your way then I can certainly understand why the two of you are having problems.”

 

Sesshoumaru flexed his previously clenched claws and then, to my surprise, he disappeared.

 

Don't get me wrong, I was thankful for that because at that moment I was certain I had sealed my fate. Regardless of this I was still confused by his sudden departure. Not wanting to think about it any further, I wandered back toward the palace. I was in desperate need of a good meal and some solitude.

 

(Sesshoumaru's POV)

 

After I left the courtyard I found myself airborne circling the palace with the Ookami's last words echoing through my mind.

 

“If this is how you behave toward him when things don't go your way then I can certainly understand why the two of you are having problems.”

 

I could have easily taught the Ookami a very painful lesson after those words, but I could not deny the truth they held. As much as I've tried to forget some things, I cannot, so they play through my mind, festering and fueling this feeling of guilt that had taken root with me.

 

“Am I to assume that you actually believe you of all people are capable of such a thing? My feelings, hurt by you? Do not pat yourself on the back.”

 

The look on his face and the hurt in his voice that followed those words seemed as though they would haunt me for the rest of my life.

 

“I will take me and my assumptions to the dining hall and you can find someone of importance to eat your fucking lunch with…”

 

Had I really made Inuyasha feel as though he was inferior to me before he left my chambers? I had. His words prove it so. It was not my intent but it was now glaringly evident to me that, that was how he took it. That was the last time when we were in each other's presence long enough to hold a conversation.

 

The next time I saw him he was at death's door because I had made a thoughtless and selfish decision to shove him away when it was not convenient for me at the time deal with him. My actions almost cost him his life and the first thing I had to say to him after he moved away from death is something that shows him nothing about my concern for him - but strictly selfish.

 

“Inuyasha is there any particular reason you have yet to grace me with your presence?”

 

 

The Ookami was right. I had no idea how to handle things with others when they do not go the way I desire. I had done nothing but push Inuyasha away with my actions and selfishness since that incident in my chambers.

 

In essence, I've all but cleared the way for that ningen Monk.

 

I felt my claws dig into the palms of my hands as I asked myself a question. Am I so used to all those around me obeying my every command and questioning nothing that I act irrationally when it doesn't happen? When Inuyasha sought solitude on the moonless night I forced him to face me when I wanted him to; even though he made it clear to me that he would talk to me the following morning. While irritated at his disobedience I even managed to injure his vulnerable human body. I have known for a while that the moonless night was when he turned human; but when surrounded by my own rage I did not think that far.

 

Yet through all of this he is still here.

 

I know if someone had done to me what I've done to him they would no longer be a factor in my life. Chances are I would have relieved them of their very life.

 

If all of that was not bad enough, just moments ago I was ready to take out my anger on the Wolf Prince when he had really done nothing to merit it. Indeed he had been slightly impertinent in the hall earlier, but I had not exactly on my best behavior either.

 

That thought brought up the last comment he made in the hallway that I'm sure no one heard but me. The Ookami had mumbled: “I guess some are never satisfied with one lover.”

 

At the time I was too wrapped up in my own musings to give it much thought, but now I find myself wondering what difference would it make to the Wolf if Inuyasha had a hundred lovers. He seemed uncharacteristically upset over the situation and that now had me wondering why. It's almost as if Inuyasha had done something that had a direct bearing on his life…

 

Deeply puzzled at Kouga's actions I landed on the Southern side of the palace and stared out into the lake. I did not have to consider the situation for long before I realized that the only people involved with Inuyasha in any way are, myself and - possibly - the Monk. It is obvious that the Wolf has no qualms with my feelings for Inuyasha and vice versa; so that only leaves him having a problem with there being something between my brother and the Monk.

 

As I sat myself down on a rock bordering the lake my mind began to revisit a great deal many of the encounters I have had with the Wolf over the last few months. Every time I see Kouga I see the Monk as well. I can even remember at one point thinking that seeing one without the other was odd, but I thought no more of it than that.

 

Now it is clear that the Wolf Prince has his eye on the Monk. I might have been mistaken but I did not believe so. That would definitely explain why he had made that comment to Inuyasha and why he seemed to be in as bad a mood as I.

 

This discovery may prove to be useful indeed…

 

* * *

 

(Inuyasha's POV)

 

When I woke I felt like I'd been on the receiving end of the Wind Scar. My head was pounding and my vision was blurry. Upon opening my eyes, I glanced quickly around, the surroundings offering me no clear evidence to where I was or how I had got here. I knew it wasn't my room or Ru's but that was about it.

 

To my left I spied Miroku on a futon, his body covered in a green blanket - sound asleep. It was seeing him laying there that caused the memories to wash over me. In one incident I managed to put almost everyone I hold dear to me, in mortal danger, and I could do nothing to prevent it. If it hadn't been for Miroku's swift and selfless actions I would hate to think what would have happened to everyone - especially Rin and Sango.

 

I remembered all to well what happened to the vase in the hall and I know for a fact that it was made of something a hell of a lot sturdier than they are. I immediately shook the thought from my mind and got to my feet; and the action sent my head spinning and my legs began to wobble. It took a moment but once I steadied myself I took a good whiff of the air and tried to determine where I was.

 

Plants, pine, and herbs…Tibade's quarters. His scent was there as well but it was faint in this room; he must not use this area often. My nose scrunched up involuntarily and with one last look in Miroku's direction I decided to go find Tibade.

 

On my way I passed through another room similar to the one in which I had awoken. There were six futons, each with a small table off to the side and a pile of extra blankets. Outside of a few wall decorations the room was bare ­- but functional for tending to the bed ridden. From the lack of residual scents and the collection of dust, I could tell these rooms were used very little and only for the seriously ill.

 

When I left that room I moved into somewhat familiar territory. Then (for whatever reason) my senses chose to go into overdrive and it was enough to make me dizzy all over again. My steps faltered and I bumped into a table, jarring a vial. I glared at the offending table and cursed under my breath. When I looked up, Tibade was standing in the doorway in front of me.

 

“Nice to see all of this has had no ill affect on your charming personality, My Lord.”

 

I switched from glaring at the table, to glaring at Tibade. When I did he simply smiled and motioned for me to follow him. After we turned a few corners I really started to realize just how large Tibade's chambers really were. The first stop he made was in a room that looked like a study. I eventually realized he planned on staying for a while so I took a seat in the first chair I laid my eyes on and grabbed my aching head.

 

I hadn't felt this bad after my near death experience.

 

“What ails you My Lord?” he asked as he sifted through some documents on his desk.

“I'm not sure, but I think it's my damn senses. They can't seem to decide to what extent they're going to work. One moment I can barely smell or hear something in the next room; then I have moments, like now, where it seems every smell on the island is right in front of me.”

 

The elder Tiger-demon scratched his chin and thought for a second before he replied. “I think I have something that might help you with that if you want it.”

“Right now I'm desperate enough to try anything… even if it is one of your vile concoctions.” The thought alone had already put a foul taste in my mouth.

 

Tibade simply arched an eyebrow at me before placing his documents down and moving over to one of the many shelves of herbs and potions. He grabbed a couple of jars and I watched him intently as he mixed the two ingredients together. From what my nose was telling me, this was one of his milder tonics. Once he was finished mixing he left the room and my ears picked up the sound of clanking dishes - he returned carrying two cups of `tea'. He handed me one before maneuvering to sit behind his desk with the other.

 

I sniffed the contents of my cup and gave Tibade a wary glance. When I received no response, I sighed in defeat and took a tentative sip of the brownish mixture. To my surprise, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The shock must have shown on my face; because Tibade started to snicker quietly and said, “See, not all of my remedies are vile my Young Lord.”

“One palatable potion in a hundred years is nothing to brag about Tibade.”

 

At that the demon healer broke into open laughter. Shortly after he settled down I sat my tea on the shelf beside me and stood.

 

“Did you finish your tea, My Lord?”

“Yeah, it was actually pretty good,” I responded as I moved toward the door with every intention of finding and facing Sesshoumaru.

“Where do you think you are off to?” he asked and his tone told me I was going to have to sit through a lecture before I left. I didn't really have the energy for that but when has anything ever gone the way I wanted to? I sighed inwardly. “I need to go talk to Sesshoumaru. He wasn't too happy about not seeing me since my latest brush with death.”

 

One would have thought that I had just returned from visiting a distant friend from the way Ru made it sound in the hall before all hell broke loose. He hadn't even acknowledged the fact that I had been close enough to death to run my fingers through it. I knew he wasn't the most emotionally open being within these walls but I thought I would have at least gotten a `Are you feeling better?' out of the bastard.

 

I was so wrapped in my own thoughts that when Tibade spoke the sound of his voice surprised me.

 

“Well I have already told your brother that I thought it would be best if you and the young Monk stayed in my chambers, under my watchful eyes for at least a couple of days.”

 

The intensity of the Healer's gaze and the defiance in his eyes made me feel as if going against his advice was not an option. As much as I wanted to rest and not deal with the many different issues of the past couple of days I knew the longer I put it off the harder it would be to do.

 

I wasn't looking forward to my conversation with Ru but I wasn't going to run from it either.

 

With an exasperated groan I turned to Tibade. “I appreciate the offer as well as the concern but…” In mid-sentence a wave of exhaustion washed over me. Confused I shook my suddenly weary head and looked at Tibade and asked, “What the hell did you put in my tea?”

“Nothing that you should worry about My Lord, it's just a little something to help you get the rest you need. Call it advice assurance if you will.” He replied as he smirked over his clasped hands.

 

A muted growl rumbled out of the back of my throat. I couldn't believe he drugged my tea. I've known people to be stubborn and insistent, but what he had done was taking it to a new level!

 

He looked rather amused when he moved from behind his desk and walked over to where I stood. I found myself all but snarling at him when he started to laugh.

 

“Calm down My Lord and have some faith in my experience and wisdom. I've been a healer longer than you and Pup have been alive.”

“Pup!?” I asked, shocked that anyone would have a nickname like that for the Lord of the West.

“Oh my… I did say that, didn't I? Try not to mention that to your brother, he'll have my head.” Tibade said and I watched that smirk disappear from his face.

“Ru having your head doesn't seem like such a bad thing to me right now.” I replied to the distressed looking demon. Tibade took a step back and paled when I said that.

“Now, now My Lord, no need to make any hasty decisions.” He said as he started to guide me away from the door and back the way I came. “You need to lie down and rest before that tea really kicks in.” he added as the smile returned to his face while he continued ushering me back to the sleeping area I'd woke up in.

 

When we reached the room I saw Miroku was still out cold and I frowned at that. I knew he had been at death's door beside me and that last display of power had to have taken a toll on him. Damn - that's twice he's gone past his limits for me here recently. Now that I think about it he has always been there for me even when I was a real pain-in-the-ass to deal with. Never once has he been chased away by my attitude or biting words. He is truly my best friend.

 

As I looked at him, the words of his revelation cut through my mind again.

 

“I called you my love, and I said so because I do love you. I have felt this way for a long time. I just could never work through my fear of losing you altogether to let you know…”

 

 

My best friend was in love with me, and has been for a while. I was just too blind to see it. He must have been going through hell since things have changed between Sesshoumaru and me. I felt my shoulders slump when that thought crossed my mind.

 

Lost in my own world I jumped slightly when I felt a hand on my back. I had forgotten that Tibade was still standing beside me. I was way too tired to deal with all of this right now, and Tibade's little remedy was making my exhaustion something I could not ignore. Without further protest I crawled back onto the futon I woke up on and let sleep claim me.