InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Falling to Pieces ❯ Lacrymosa (Lachrymose) ( Chapter 3 )

Lacrymosa (Lachrymose)

Sometimes I feel as if my love is never enough, or maybe I just want too much from him. There's only so much a person can do. IS it his fault that I lack my own life? I mean I go to school, do my little errands, and then I go home. I don't have the bounty of friends or the active social life, one not even close to rivaling him. Literally he has a group of friends, a mutual hobby, and enough to do despite the fact he isn't employed or going to school regularly.

He snuffs off all responsibilities, ignores deadlines and due dates, and loafs around life like it was an option instead of a reality. Yet he still has more to do than I do! It's infuriating and frustrating. I had my one free day afterschool to hang out and instead of spending it with me. He wastes it playing video games with Kagura and his friends. I never seem to fit in with them, I don't know if it's because we're absolute polar opposites or is it because I unconsciously don't want to. They're gamers; they love Pokémon and Yugioh, they run out to buy the latest Guitar Hero or Xbox 360 system, they stay up all night watching Family Guy and 8 bit theater, they're into animes and mangas. The highlight of their life is doing a Soul Caliber tournament for cash.

They mimic him almost in a way; lazy, unmotivated, just barely got their high school diplomas, no goals for the future, no aspirations they're trying for. And in part, maybe that's the problem. Their life is so simplistic, they have no standards in their quality of life, as long as they can play their stupid little games and does whatever they want; at least they're all doing it together.

As for me, I just can't function that way. Maybe it's a gift, maybe it's a curse. Either way, I need order, routine, stability, and I love planning. That disorganized spontaneous way of living just leave me feeling kind of, broken. I have to work in a certain way or I don't work at all.

But I digress,

The reason I'm mad right now is because of the facts. All day yesterday SEsshomaru was posted up in bed, sick with a splitting headache, a sore scratchy throat, a stomachache, and a fever. He skipped his night class ((mind you it's only 2 days a week and he needs it to finally get his diploma because he's 5 credits short)) to stay home and rest. Only for him to be at the local card store playing with Kagura, Jankotsu and Bankotsu today from 11:30 am to who knows how long. Last time I spoke to him ((3 pm)) he was settled there and had no plans on leaving anytime soon. Even though when we spoke ((SUNDAY)) he promised he'd hang out with me after midterms.

Midterms went great by the way, not that you or anyone else cares for that matter. Especially not Sesshomaru or Inuyasha. I sent a generic text to my closest friends; Sango, Rin, Mayumi, and both the boys. Only Sango and Mayumi wished me luck, and only Sango asked how it went afterwards. No one takes the time to focus on me; I'm expects me to be there for them, to give them advice, to talk to their crushes, to help them with school work, to talk to them on the phone when they're down, but no one gives me any attention.

I had free time from 3 pm with no homework, no appointments, no deadlines, and no babysitting Souta but yet I spent the day at home reading, studying, and on Facebook like I always am. There is no consideration for me; and that makes me crestfallen and lachrymose. Why is it that the two most important guys in my life are only there for me at their convenience? If they don't need something from me, they don't think about me. I never take precedence in their lives; I am never their top priority. Hell, sometimes I feel like a fucking option to them. As if I don't matter enough to be forever. But then sometimes I feel like I expect too much; we're not married, shit I'm not even in a relationship with Inuyasha, so how can I hold them to something when we're not bound to each other.

Sesshomaru is such a wild thing, a free spirit, an independent person. I roped him into this relationship but he's not happy, he likes being free, spending all his time with his friends, being able to stay carefree and free of responsibility. I'm such the opposite of him. I'm looking for something serious, I'm looking to settle down, and I'm looking for someone that is mature enough to be besides me and stay with me.

The only reason I got Inuyasha is because Sesshomaru wasn't entertaining me enough; he's never enough now. He doesn't make me happy enough; he doesn't make me feel like a princess, he barely pays me any attention. I wonder what I can do? Does the problem lie in me? Or does it lie with him? Or it could be both of us; at this point I'm not sure.

What do you think? You're sitting here reading my innermost thoughts and feelings; I've laid down all the facts ((mixed with opinion and biases of course)). Tell me what you think…