InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fear of Love ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Mika_san 
Read. That's all I ask of you.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 07.28.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 213 | Status: Completed
Read. That's all I ask of you.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 07.28.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 213 | Status: Completed
AN: Same disclaimer applies. All characters in this fanfic, with the exception of Arashana, are Rumiko Takahashi's property.
~*~ equals a break, and ~~~ equals a mini-break.
It had been a very odd night at the temple. The first time InuYasha had shelter in weeks. He stepped outside, pretty close to sunrise and stretched. No, he didn't get any sleep, but he wasn't going to tell the miko that. Or the sister. He hadn't really seen much of her, but little glances. The air was colder in the morning, but still…it was winter. He had told Kikyou that she should keep the haori, but she had insisted that she didn't need it any longer. The worst of winter was practically over with, anyway. On his way out, something fell. He looked behind him and couldn't see anything. 'Odd.' He thought. 'I could've sworn I heard something…' He looked around a couple more times but didn't see anything.
"InuYasha?" Kikyou stepped out behind him. Why did this woman have to be at the wrong time every time, when he wanted to be alone? By now, he would've told anybody to leave him alone, as a warning too. But he couldn't seem to tell her to go away. He remembered the kiss, and classified it as one of his weaker moments. He would hate the woman, whether he wanted to or not. He didn't need her, and that was true. He was a loner, a half-breed, a disgusting scum, and that's what he would always be. "Wh-why are you out here so early? Shouldn't you be asleep?"
"No." He answered sharply. "I didn't sleep. You have a problem?" Kikyou drew back a little, he could feel it, and smirked while his back was facing her. The smirk faded, but he immediately tried to save it. It didn't work.
"O-oh. Well…" She sighed. "Would you like to meet the children now? I guess…no. It's way too early. I must be still asleep." She smiled. "Well…"
"Well what?" He snapped, wearing the smirk again. "Hurry up, I ain't got all day, girl." He could feel her eyes boring into him, and he shivered, the smirk fading into an almost frightened _expression. It felt like there was a bottomless pit in his stomach every time he spoke to her like that. Even when he had first met her, it was that way. (Maybe he was hungry, how am I supposed to know?).
"R-right…I'll just leave you alone then…" She sighed and he couldn't feel her there anymore. He shook and dropped to his knees, unable to stand anymore.
"Wh-what have I done?" He said, looking down. "I-I've made her afraid of me…T-trying to get her away…I…I c-can't." He buried his head in his hands, trembling all over. Finally, he pulled himself up. "S-stupid w-woman." He took a shaky breath and one last look at the temple, before leaving it for anything else. The cherry blossom he had dropped lay there, like something similar of his he had left. His own heart.
~*~
It had been a whole year and the hanyou had avoided seeing the woman. He wandered the snow-covered ground, in the middle of winter. (It had been a year remember?) He smiled outwardly, but missed her so dearly inside and longed for the moment he would be able to hold her like that again.
"S-sir …?" A little girl stood behind him, trembling. "A-are you…a-alright?" He turned around and didn't recognize the little girl standing behind him. "S-sir?"
"Oh…thank you good sir, thank you so much…". He remembered. "A-Ashana…?" He knew he had seen her somewhere before. She was a bit taller and wore her hair tied up in a ponytail much like the miko's.
"Yes…" She looked at him. "I-InuYasha? The man…you're the one that saved me, right?" Slowly, he nodded, not wanting to say another word. This girl was in league with Kikyou, and he wouldn't talk to anyone that knew her. "Thank you…I really never got the proper chance to introduce myself…I'm–"
InuYasha growled, cutting her off. "Leave, girl. Get outta my sight, got it? Never come near me again." She drew back, shuddering.
"B-but…your –" She started.
"I don't care about my hand! Now leave me alone!" His voice rang throughout the whole forest, echoing several times, scaring him more and more each one. What about his hand? Ah. He looked down and his palm and it was smeared with blood. His own blood. He did not know how it got there, but could care less.
"A-alright…" He could hear her rapid footsteps as she fled from him. Yes. This is the way it should be. Well, it was the way he had wanted it to be. But not anymore.
"What have I become?" He whispered to himself. The breeze blew through the once beautiful meadow, now forlorn and calling his name, as clearly as the wind did.
~~~
Kikyou had lost her spark with the children. She was no longer as popular. She never, ever wore her hair down again, and became less caring. The hanyou had changed her life, and she had changed his, but not as much as he had hers. She spent practically all her time protecting the jewel, and her and her sister had gone separate ways. Sad, really, that she had loved him so much that she was allowing her life to pass her by as he had left. Still, after a year, Kikyou remembered the very last words she had said to him: "R-right…I'll just leave you alone then…" And that she had. For more than a year. She sighed and stared at the jewel. Was that the thing that had torn them apart?
He did look so disappointed when she had told him of the ceremony. "I hate you…" She whispered, fingering the jewel. "You destroyed my one chance at happiness, you wretched thing. I hate you so much." She smiled and thought of what life would be like if she didn't protect the Shikon jewel. Maybe her and InuYasha might have had a chance. 'No, impossible. He wasn't right for me…' she thought. 'Why…do you betray me? The very thing I swore to protect…' She glared at the jewel. It sparkled, though no sun shone in the sky. It mocked her. It mocked her and her disappointment in herself. "I…" Tears were brought to her eyes, the first time she had cried in a year. "I hate you!!" She screamed and ripped the jewel off its chain, throwing on the floor. (No, it didn't break, thank goodness…) "You destroyed my life!! Why!? Am I so lonely that I'm destined to be alone forever!? Do you hate me this much?!" She shouted at it, tears flowing down her cheeks. "Why…?" She whispered softly, falling to her knees. "Why…?" She sobbed silently, and yet…no one knew.
~~~
There had been no correlation between the two for at least more than a year. Now it was summer again, and the rain fell in thick hot, heavy sheets. InuYasha watched it. Not from a safe place, but right in the middle of it. He sighed, looking up into the sky, not caring if the rain fell in his eyes or no. Everywhere you looked, there were sodden cherry blossoms on the ground, and each one of them reflected his sadness. "Why…?" He whispered. "Why did I have to be so cruel? Is this who I really am?" People walked past him, going wherever they were and no one seemed to care. This was the way things were supposed to be, he supposed. All alone in the world, with no one to talk to.
'I can't ever get her back now. I messed up my one and only chance for someone to care about me. It's all my fault.' He clenched his fists at his side and stared at the ground. "Why did I do this? Am I such a monster that I throw away my chance to love at the slightest chance?" He squeezed his eyes, shut, just wanting to get away from it all. He saw Kikyou and himself, sharing their first kiss. What a wonderful moment that had been, so opposite to the present day. He just wanted to go back, and redo the whole thing. No matter how much he told himself, he would always love that woman. And now she would never love him again. How typical of him. Messing his whole life up yet again. If he only knew how she cried herself to sleep at night and worried the whole village, if only he knew. If only she knew how he did the same, but no one cared. They both needed each other by their side, and that was that. InuYasha wasn't much of a gentleman to go and try to get her back, but that kept pushing at the forefront of his mind.
He couldn't. He just couldn't. What would that make of his strength? Asking for forgiveness? Bah. Not for him. No way in the netherworld was he going to try and get her back. "…" InuYasha sighed. "What am I saying? I have to…" He looked back, and didn't see the village anywhere. He had wandered off from it accidentally. "Aw, dang it. I'm never going to get back there…" He sighed, sitting in the middle of the ground. People all around, that were passing him, stared at him like he was some sort of freak. Then again, he had been all his life. He looked up, and wished the miko could be in front of him, at the wrong time yet again. But this time, if it was true, it would be the best time of his life. He lay down on his side and closed his eyes, and soon fell asleep.
He awoke to a familiar scent. "M-mister…" It was Ashana. He looked up, his head pounding. The rain had stopped and his clothes were soaked thoroughly. "D-did you pass out…?"
He nodded. She held out her small hand. He refused and got up on his own. The whole place was spinning. He reached out with his hand to find something to hold on to, but instead fell, finding nothing.
"Oh!" Ashana held out her hand once again. "Are you alright?"
He nodded. "Yea…" InuYasha got up on his own, though the world was still spinning.
"You look awful. I-I mean…" She chuckled. "How long have you been out here?" InuYasha thought.
"I…don't know." He replied. His and her voice sounded distorted and far away, and his head still pounded. "You're…Ashana…right?"
"Yes." She smiled at him. "Hm. Do you have a home? You're family's probably missing you very much." There was no reply from InuYasha. "What…? You do have a family, don’t you?"
"No." He answered simply, shaking his head. "I don't." The little girl looked shocked.
"I'm so sorry!! I…I didn't mean to…" She took his hand. "Well…Maybe Lady Kikyou can give you shelter for the night." His heart began to race. What would he do upon seeing her again? He didn't know. Would she refuse? Would she hate him? He bit his lower lip.
"N-no." He said. Ashana cocked her head.
"Hm? What do you mean 'no'? You don't like Lady Kikyou…?" No. That wasn't it. Kikyou just thought that. She was the one that hated him!
"I…" He turned away. "I…don't care…" He sighed, and looked around, for any sign of the village.
"Well…of course Lady Kikyou will have a spare room for you. Hopefully…" She looked at him strangely, before walking off, making him follow. Not to later, they reached the gates of the village. Little kids ran up to Ashana, smiling.
"Where were you, Ashana?" They all said. Then, noticed InuYasha and stopped abruptly. "…" One little girl stepped up and bowed. The other's followed. InuYasha backed up a step, having hardly ever been treated like this before. "Hello." They all said, half-staring in wonder.
Ashana smiled. "This is InuYasha." They all looked at each other.
"InuYasha?"
"Yes. InuYasha." Ashana said proudly. There were footsteps, and InuYasha recognized the scent immediately.
"InuYasha?" He flinched, not wanting to turn around. "Wh-what…happened?" It was none other than Kikyou.
"…" He couldn't find the words to say anything. There was the hollow pit in his stomach again and everything started spinning. She obviously noticed he was dizzy and took his hand to balance him. Every color of red known to man filled his cheeks. The children all laughed, but Kikyou looked serious. "InuYasha. What happened?"
"I…don't know…" He was able to choke out, his heart still racing. He dared not to make eye contact with her, afraid for one of the rare times in his life. And he was afraid of a woman. Slowly, he slid his hand out of her grasp. "N-nothing happened. I'm fine." He looked down, and hoped not to fall…
"Hm." Kikyou shook her head, smiling a bit. "Really. Are you, now?" The children wondered why they weren't looking at each other. "Now, come in…" She looked up at the sky. "It's going to rain again soon…"
"I-I guessed…" He sighed and had no choice but to follow her in. The children called out after her. "May we come too, Lady Kikyou?"
"I don't want your parents to think you were kidnapped or anything. Only for a little while…" She sighed, taking his hand with a: 'whether you like it or not' attitude. Inside, she turned to face him. His heart skipped a beat like it had before and he felt wonderful inside to see her again.
He shook off the feeling and stared back, though a little softer than he had imagined. The children all were silent, wondering what was going to come next. "InuYasha…" She stared, looking down.
"K-Kikyou–"
"I forgive you." InuYasha took a step back, bumping into the wall.
"Y-you…what? I…" He swallowed, not able to look away. Kikyou's hair fell over her eyes, and she continued to look down and away from him. He could smell salt; she was crying.
"I know you didn't mean it…" Her voice trembled and she took a step backward. The children slowly snuck past InuYasha and out the temple, peeking a little before leaving. "Or…at least I hope you didn't mean it. I…I just don't know what brought it on…" She sighed, sitting on the floor, not moving her eyes one bit. How could she be so understanding? She had to hate him for what he did to her. Any other woman would…
Very slowly, InuYasha made his way over to her, sitting down next to her. "I-I…I'm sorry…" He sighed, looking over his shoulder as if someone was there. "I'm sorry for saying those things to you. I…I didn't mean it…I…" He swallowed again. "I…was afraid…"
He could hear Kikyou give a small, quiet laugh. "What on earth could you be–" She was caught of guard as he lifted up her chin to face him. "Afraid of?" She whispered, looking into his eyes.
"Love." Kikyou gasped, not able to move at all. Her heart soared and everything was nothing, nothing was everything and no thing in the world mattered except him. Wrong was right and the other way around until neither was recognizable. Up was down and down was up until there was a middle. And something else, too.
Love.
Love stayed the same through the years and the years, never breaking, never leaving until the very end…
THE END
~*~ equals a break, and ~~~ equals a mini-break.
It had been a very odd night at the temple. The first time InuYasha had shelter in weeks. He stepped outside, pretty close to sunrise and stretched. No, he didn't get any sleep, but he wasn't going to tell the miko that. Or the sister. He hadn't really seen much of her, but little glances. The air was colder in the morning, but still…it was winter. He had told Kikyou that she should keep the haori, but she had insisted that she didn't need it any longer. The worst of winter was practically over with, anyway. On his way out, something fell. He looked behind him and couldn't see anything. 'Odd.' He thought. 'I could've sworn I heard something…' He looked around a couple more times but didn't see anything.
"InuYasha?" Kikyou stepped out behind him. Why did this woman have to be at the wrong time every time, when he wanted to be alone? By now, he would've told anybody to leave him alone, as a warning too. But he couldn't seem to tell her to go away. He remembered the kiss, and classified it as one of his weaker moments. He would hate the woman, whether he wanted to or not. He didn't need her, and that was true. He was a loner, a half-breed, a disgusting scum, and that's what he would always be. "Wh-why are you out here so early? Shouldn't you be asleep?"
"No." He answered sharply. "I didn't sleep. You have a problem?" Kikyou drew back a little, he could feel it, and smirked while his back was facing her. The smirk faded, but he immediately tried to save it. It didn't work.
"O-oh. Well…" She sighed. "Would you like to meet the children now? I guess…no. It's way too early. I must be still asleep." She smiled. "Well…"
"Well what?" He snapped, wearing the smirk again. "Hurry up, I ain't got all day, girl." He could feel her eyes boring into him, and he shivered, the smirk fading into an almost frightened _expression. It felt like there was a bottomless pit in his stomach every time he spoke to her like that. Even when he had first met her, it was that way. (Maybe he was hungry, how am I supposed to know?).
"R-right…I'll just leave you alone then…" She sighed and he couldn't feel her there anymore. He shook and dropped to his knees, unable to stand anymore.
"Wh-what have I done?" He said, looking down. "I-I've made her afraid of me…T-trying to get her away…I…I c-can't." He buried his head in his hands, trembling all over. Finally, he pulled himself up. "S-stupid w-woman." He took a shaky breath and one last look at the temple, before leaving it for anything else. The cherry blossom he had dropped lay there, like something similar of his he had left. His own heart.
~*~
It had been a whole year and the hanyou had avoided seeing the woman. He wandered the snow-covered ground, in the middle of winter. (It had been a year remember?) He smiled outwardly, but missed her so dearly inside and longed for the moment he would be able to hold her like that again.
"S-sir …?" A little girl stood behind him, trembling. "A-are you…a-alright?" He turned around and didn't recognize the little girl standing behind him. "S-sir?"
"Oh…thank you good sir, thank you so much…". He remembered. "A-Ashana…?" He knew he had seen her somewhere before. She was a bit taller and wore her hair tied up in a ponytail much like the miko's.
"Yes…" She looked at him. "I-InuYasha? The man…you're the one that saved me, right?" Slowly, he nodded, not wanting to say another word. This girl was in league with Kikyou, and he wouldn't talk to anyone that knew her. "Thank you…I really never got the proper chance to introduce myself…I'm–"
InuYasha growled, cutting her off. "Leave, girl. Get outta my sight, got it? Never come near me again." She drew back, shuddering.
"B-but…your –" She started.
"I don't care about my hand! Now leave me alone!" His voice rang throughout the whole forest, echoing several times, scaring him more and more each one. What about his hand? Ah. He looked down and his palm and it was smeared with blood. His own blood. He did not know how it got there, but could care less.
"A-alright…" He could hear her rapid footsteps as she fled from him. Yes. This is the way it should be. Well, it was the way he had wanted it to be. But not anymore.
"What have I become?" He whispered to himself. The breeze blew through the once beautiful meadow, now forlorn and calling his name, as clearly as the wind did.
~~~
Kikyou had lost her spark with the children. She was no longer as popular. She never, ever wore her hair down again, and became less caring. The hanyou had changed her life, and she had changed his, but not as much as he had hers. She spent practically all her time protecting the jewel, and her and her sister had gone separate ways. Sad, really, that she had loved him so much that she was allowing her life to pass her by as he had left. Still, after a year, Kikyou remembered the very last words she had said to him: "R-right…I'll just leave you alone then…" And that she had. For more than a year. She sighed and stared at the jewel. Was that the thing that had torn them apart?
He did look so disappointed when she had told him of the ceremony. "I hate you…" She whispered, fingering the jewel. "You destroyed my one chance at happiness, you wretched thing. I hate you so much." She smiled and thought of what life would be like if she didn't protect the Shikon jewel. Maybe her and InuYasha might have had a chance. 'No, impossible. He wasn't right for me…' she thought. 'Why…do you betray me? The very thing I swore to protect…' She glared at the jewel. It sparkled, though no sun shone in the sky. It mocked her. It mocked her and her disappointment in herself. "I…" Tears were brought to her eyes, the first time she had cried in a year. "I hate you!!" She screamed and ripped the jewel off its chain, throwing on the floor. (No, it didn't break, thank goodness…) "You destroyed my life!! Why!? Am I so lonely that I'm destined to be alone forever!? Do you hate me this much?!" She shouted at it, tears flowing down her cheeks. "Why…?" She whispered softly, falling to her knees. "Why…?" She sobbed silently, and yet…no one knew.
~~~
There had been no correlation between the two for at least more than a year. Now it was summer again, and the rain fell in thick hot, heavy sheets. InuYasha watched it. Not from a safe place, but right in the middle of it. He sighed, looking up into the sky, not caring if the rain fell in his eyes or no. Everywhere you looked, there were sodden cherry blossoms on the ground, and each one of them reflected his sadness. "Why…?" He whispered. "Why did I have to be so cruel? Is this who I really am?" People walked past him, going wherever they were and no one seemed to care. This was the way things were supposed to be, he supposed. All alone in the world, with no one to talk to.
'I can't ever get her back now. I messed up my one and only chance for someone to care about me. It's all my fault.' He clenched his fists at his side and stared at the ground. "Why did I do this? Am I such a monster that I throw away my chance to love at the slightest chance?" He squeezed his eyes, shut, just wanting to get away from it all. He saw Kikyou and himself, sharing their first kiss. What a wonderful moment that had been, so opposite to the present day. He just wanted to go back, and redo the whole thing. No matter how much he told himself, he would always love that woman. And now she would never love him again. How typical of him. Messing his whole life up yet again. If he only knew how she cried herself to sleep at night and worried the whole village, if only he knew. If only she knew how he did the same, but no one cared. They both needed each other by their side, and that was that. InuYasha wasn't much of a gentleman to go and try to get her back, but that kept pushing at the forefront of his mind.
He couldn't. He just couldn't. What would that make of his strength? Asking for forgiveness? Bah. Not for him. No way in the netherworld was he going to try and get her back. "…" InuYasha sighed. "What am I saying? I have to…" He looked back, and didn't see the village anywhere. He had wandered off from it accidentally. "Aw, dang it. I'm never going to get back there…" He sighed, sitting in the middle of the ground. People all around, that were passing him, stared at him like he was some sort of freak. Then again, he had been all his life. He looked up, and wished the miko could be in front of him, at the wrong time yet again. But this time, if it was true, it would be the best time of his life. He lay down on his side and closed his eyes, and soon fell asleep.
He awoke to a familiar scent. "M-mister…" It was Ashana. He looked up, his head pounding. The rain had stopped and his clothes were soaked thoroughly. "D-did you pass out…?"
He nodded. She held out her small hand. He refused and got up on his own. The whole place was spinning. He reached out with his hand to find something to hold on to, but instead fell, finding nothing.
"Oh!" Ashana held out her hand once again. "Are you alright?"
He nodded. "Yea…" InuYasha got up on his own, though the world was still spinning.
"You look awful. I-I mean…" She chuckled. "How long have you been out here?" InuYasha thought.
"I…don't know." He replied. His and her voice sounded distorted and far away, and his head still pounded. "You're…Ashana…right?"
"Yes." She smiled at him. "Hm. Do you have a home? You're family's probably missing you very much." There was no reply from InuYasha. "What…? You do have a family, don’t you?"
"No." He answered simply, shaking his head. "I don't." The little girl looked shocked.
"I'm so sorry!! I…I didn't mean to…" She took his hand. "Well…Maybe Lady Kikyou can give you shelter for the night." His heart began to race. What would he do upon seeing her again? He didn't know. Would she refuse? Would she hate him? He bit his lower lip.
"N-no." He said. Ashana cocked her head.
"Hm? What do you mean 'no'? You don't like Lady Kikyou…?" No. That wasn't it. Kikyou just thought that. She was the one that hated him!
"I…" He turned away. "I…don't care…" He sighed, and looked around, for any sign of the village.
"Well…of course Lady Kikyou will have a spare room for you. Hopefully…" She looked at him strangely, before walking off, making him follow. Not to later, they reached the gates of the village. Little kids ran up to Ashana, smiling.
"Where were you, Ashana?" They all said. Then, noticed InuYasha and stopped abruptly. "…" One little girl stepped up and bowed. The other's followed. InuYasha backed up a step, having hardly ever been treated like this before. "Hello." They all said, half-staring in wonder.
Ashana smiled. "This is InuYasha." They all looked at each other.
"InuYasha?"
"Yes. InuYasha." Ashana said proudly. There were footsteps, and InuYasha recognized the scent immediately.
"InuYasha?" He flinched, not wanting to turn around. "Wh-what…happened?" It was none other than Kikyou.
"…" He couldn't find the words to say anything. There was the hollow pit in his stomach again and everything started spinning. She obviously noticed he was dizzy and took his hand to balance him. Every color of red known to man filled his cheeks. The children all laughed, but Kikyou looked serious. "InuYasha. What happened?"
"I…don't know…" He was able to choke out, his heart still racing. He dared not to make eye contact with her, afraid for one of the rare times in his life. And he was afraid of a woman. Slowly, he slid his hand out of her grasp. "N-nothing happened. I'm fine." He looked down, and hoped not to fall…
"Hm." Kikyou shook her head, smiling a bit. "Really. Are you, now?" The children wondered why they weren't looking at each other. "Now, come in…" She looked up at the sky. "It's going to rain again soon…"
"I-I guessed…" He sighed and had no choice but to follow her in. The children called out after her. "May we come too, Lady Kikyou?"
"I don't want your parents to think you were kidnapped or anything. Only for a little while…" She sighed, taking his hand with a: 'whether you like it or not' attitude. Inside, she turned to face him. His heart skipped a beat like it had before and he felt wonderful inside to see her again.
He shook off the feeling and stared back, though a little softer than he had imagined. The children all were silent, wondering what was going to come next. "InuYasha…" She stared, looking down.
"K-Kikyou–"
"I forgive you." InuYasha took a step back, bumping into the wall.
"Y-you…what? I…" He swallowed, not able to look away. Kikyou's hair fell over her eyes, and she continued to look down and away from him. He could smell salt; she was crying.
"I know you didn't mean it…" Her voice trembled and she took a step backward. The children slowly snuck past InuYasha and out the temple, peeking a little before leaving. "Or…at least I hope you didn't mean it. I…I just don't know what brought it on…" She sighed, sitting on the floor, not moving her eyes one bit. How could she be so understanding? She had to hate him for what he did to her. Any other woman would…
Very slowly, InuYasha made his way over to her, sitting down next to her. "I-I…I'm sorry…" He sighed, looking over his shoulder as if someone was there. "I'm sorry for saying those things to you. I…I didn't mean it…I…" He swallowed again. "I…was afraid…"
He could hear Kikyou give a small, quiet laugh. "What on earth could you be–" She was caught of guard as he lifted up her chin to face him. "Afraid of?" She whispered, looking into his eyes.
"Love." Kikyou gasped, not able to move at all. Her heart soared and everything was nothing, nothing was everything and no thing in the world mattered except him. Wrong was right and the other way around until neither was recognizable. Up was down and down was up until there was a middle. And something else, too.
Love.
Love stayed the same through the years and the years, never breaking, never leaving until the very end…
THE END