InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ First in Name Alone ❯ First in Name Alone ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: I do not own any character that appears in Inu Yasha, but I do own a good collection of manga and DVDs. ^.^

~*~First in Name Alone~*~

~*~

I hated her, that vile, filthy creature he spoke about with such admiration. I hated her more than any other I had ever competed with in looks or wit. I hated her more than I thought it was possible for me to hate.

It was in times such as then when I hated her the most. When he would grace our bed with his presence in a mockery of what our marriage was. He would press against me in the instinctual forms of affection, but it was not I he spent his afternoons talking with, his spare time checking up on. No, I knew even when his lips pressed against mine, causing my knees to collapse, he was not thinking of me.

~*~

I had always loved him, from the first moment I laid my eyes on him. Those regal features, never to be called aristocratic, even if his blood was. That long, white hair, I had never seen hair such as that until Sesshoumaru, and even then, Sesshoumaru's hair was fine like silk, but his…oh, his was the light reflecting off the snow in the brightness of a midday sun. Then came those golden eyes, so expressive, so revealing, he could fool an army with those molten orbs, but never me, I always knew his thoughts.

~*~

That's why I hated her, because even when he was with me, me! His wife! I could still see it in his eyes that he was thinking of her. I tried to fool myself, but it never worked and more than once I thought of hunting that bitch down and ending her miserable existence.

Still, when he touched me, running those dangerous claws over the unmarred skin of my belly, breasts, arms, thighs, back, over me, I couldn't reject him. I could never reject my silver haired warrior who had fought to protect me, who had cried when I gave him the son he had longed for, who had sworn that we were one.

I clung to his words as tightly as I could, trying to keep them, trying to hold our relationship together. We were a fairy tale come to life, how, how could she tear us apart in such a manner?

~*~

I heard him enter, the scent of battle following him into our room. True, most couples of our stature had separate bedrooms, but I had always enjoyed sleeping with him and when he had shyly asked if I would like a separated bedroom as his mother had had, I had declined. It had shocked him that I would not choose the same path as his mother, who had loved his father as much as I loved him. I loved to sleep with him, whether we joined or no, I loved being near him, inhaling that musky, woodland scent that made me think of pure freedom.

He groaned as he began to undress and slowly opened my eyes to see him in his under robe. Kami knew that man could shed his clothes faster than a snake could shed its skin. I watched as he stretched and turned to look at me, my eyes closed, I didn't want him to know I was awake. He approached and pulled the blankets down enough to see I was nude. He chuckled, it was a hollow and empty sound…he was thinking of her.

I heard him move to the window and I watched as he looked out into the night, the full moon making him look more exotic than he did naturally. He removed the remainder of his clothing and I stared at the male who I had allowed to mark me, mate me, and impregnate me. He was beautiful beyond words and he seemed so ignorant of it. His broad shoulders, muscular arms, tight chest, lean abdomen and waist, muscular legs, and angelic features made my breath catch as I stared. He looked at me and I saw his eyes were somewhat empty.

He was thinking of her, that…that replacement for me. I wouldn't let him know how much his love for her hurt me. I smiled and stretched, letting the blankets pool around my waist, my long black hair falling around me. It was almost as long as his, I kept it a bit shorter, seeing as it was more of a hassle for me to tend my hair than he his. I smiled, running a finger over my lips.

"You look tired," I stated as I crawled out of bed in a way that used to make his eyes glow with lust. I crawled to the edge closest to him and purred as I traced his mark on my shoulder with the finger that traced my lips. My eyes never leaving his. "Allow me to help you loosen your tight muscles."

There was lust and his organ rose to greet me, but his eyes were dull, fool's gold instead of liquid suns. He thought he was fooling me, but he wasn't and the strength of our bond breaking was tearing me apart far more than it was him.

"Is my love up to such a task?" he asked and I managed to suppress the wince at the world `love'. He no longer loved me and I was broken. He felt affection and devotion, but those were not enough to replace what I had lost to her.

"For you, I would walk across flames to please," I hissed, fighting the tears that longed to form in my eyes, but he would scent the salt and I wouldn't let him know that I had stopped eating, that I sat in this room staring at the tree where we had spent our youth relaxing by and in, and I would not let him know I spent hour upon hour in the hot springs sobbing my tears of agony. His eyes flashed red, only in lust, not in love as he approached the bed, reaching out to stroke a lock of my midnight hair. I watched him before reaching out to stroke his thickness that was presented to me.

He groaned and closed his eyes, I was thankful they were closed, I wouldn't have to see the denial in them, not that I did. He had always enjoyed entering me from behind, but since his fixation on her, he didn't look at my face anymore and we did appear similar from the back.

I closed my eyes as my mouth found him, a nagging voice in the back of my head wondering if she did this to him, or if he had taken her as he was going to take me. I sucked on the thick length that caused my jaw to ache, he groaned and a different, more hateful voice told me if he had taken her, he had done it so they were face to face. The tears were beaten back as I bobbed up and down. Accepting all he had and giving my soul to him.

His hands pulled me away and he kissed me, I didn't open my eyes as he tasted my mouth, forcing his tongue into my mouth so we could battle. I let him win as I always did. He groaned and began to kiss me. He moved down my body suckling at my teat where our son had once suckled. His mouth moved lower and I felt my eyes widen at the sight of a white haired head nestled between my thighs. I screamed in pleasure, allowing the tears to come in the guise of relief.

His tongue moved over my pleasure center again and again as his fingers moved within me. He thrust fast and hard, hitting me where he knew my special spot was, crossing his fingers, adding fingers, removing fingers, he used all his tricks in the years of our knowing each other as lovers to make me find release again and again.

I let my broken heart's tears fall as my mate forced me to my hands and knees, not that it was unpleasant but I knew he did not want to see my face. I lowered myself onto my elbows as he climbed up behind me, his nose brushing the hair off my shoulder, exposing his mark. I closed my eyes, purring as he slowly entered me, his warm length slowly sliding into me. The pleasure of his thick length stretching me, even after birthing his son, was wonderful. I sobbed, it was horrible, the feeling of great pleasure as he made love to my body and the awful tearing and breaking of my heart as he neglected to make love to me in any position that would allow us to see each other's faces.

He groaned, thrusting in, breaking my heart, pulling out, ripping away a piece of my soul, thrusting in, stabbing the remains of my heart, thrusting in, shoving me away. He roared as he began to swell within me, growing larger, wider, bigger, from moving smoothly till he was stuck. I groaned as he hit my spot again and again, the tears on my face hidden by my hair as his long hair mixed with mine. He touched my nerve bundle and I howled as I tightened around him, causing him to fall over his edge.

I felt empty, I had never thought she would win, she would steal the love of my life from me and he wouldn't even see the difference his betrayal had caused. I had lost so much weight, my skin loosing all color, leaving me as pale as a sheet, and my eyes, even I could see the loss of life. He rolled us over, his twitching length still stuck in me.

"I will take your mother's old room tomorrow," I whispered as I felt him stiffen. "You used to be able to do this four or five times. I have frequented your bed too often, it has weakened you."

"I understand," he stated. He had no clue, I could never understand how such a magnificent warrior could be so dense, but he was and it was part of why I loved him. I closed my eyes.

"It is for your health and your upcoming battle," I stated, slipping away from him as he shrunk. "I will go bathe and then return…unless….you want me to take your mother's chamber tonight?" He turned over.

"Whatever," he stated and I felt the last shards of my broken heart fall. I stared at him for a moment before slipping to the springs, washing away his touch as the tears traveled down my cheeks.

I had once fought beside him, supporting him, loving him, this was how it was to end, his parents had to be spinning in their tombs. I didn't make a sound as I wept, getting up and heading to my new room. He had no clue how much he hurt me with his indifference.

~*~

I woke the next morning but did not move, I was empty and not even the sight of my son could move me. I simply lay in bed, waiting for death to claim me since the man I gave my body and soul to had abandoned me. I did not see him the day when my `illness' struck, nor the day after, nor a week after that. My son did not leave me, sobbing and wailing his heart out as I stared out the window, clutching his hand. My love, father of my child, and the man I gave my maidenhood to visited me my last afternoon.

"Mother, Father is here," my son whispered as he stroked my hand and I opened my eyes to see the man I loved standing there. I stared at him, my empty chest aching as he simply looked at me, guilt apparent in his eyes and I could smell her on him. I felt my eyes fill with tears as I stared at him, the heart I thought was gone began to scream in agony as I looked at him.

"Go…that man is not my love," I whispered as I clutched the hand of my son, his claws slicing my flesh. "Go, phantom, you wear his face well, but your eyes are false gold, you're hurting me more pretending to be my mate. Go." My eyes closed and the smell faded, the door closing.

"Mother?" my son asked and I smiled as I stroked his hair, the white silk of his hair moving over my fingers like water. His eyes shining like molten gold.

"Rest, my son, I live, but not for long," I whispered as I stroked his cheek, my baby boy, the only man in my life who hadn't left me…no, he hadn't left me, I would leave him before he could do that to me.

~*~

The moonlight shone on me as I felt my life end, my energy leaving me as my broken heart decided to stop.

"Mother?" my son whispered. "Shall I fetch Father?" I looked at my beautiful son, he looked so much like me, but with his father's coloring. My beloved son, the child I had always longed for.

"That man is not your father. That creature is not my Inu Taisho. No Sesshoumaru, your father is gone…he would…never have given me up for a human hime," I whispered as the tears began to leak from my green eyes. "My Inu Taisho was devoted to me, loved me, why Sesshoumaru? Why did he leave me? Why did he let the human replace our love?" I felt the tear leave my eye, but I did not feel it reach my chin.

~*~

Sesshoumaru looked at the still form of his mother as she lay in the strange bed she had moved into almost a month ago, when this illness first began. Her bright green eyes, blank and dead, her last tear not yet finished winding its way down the pale white cheek. The long, black hair was dull, it had long since lost its healthy shine. Sesshoumaru looked at his mother, the light of his world, the creature that had shone him more love than any other.

Her last words rang in his head as he reached out to close those vibrant, emerald orbs. `Why did he let the human replace our love?', his mother was gone because his fool of a father had chosen a human over the youkai that had given her soul to him. The young Lord's claws dug into the flesh of his palm as he glared at the door where his father looked at the late Lady of the Western Lands.

"Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?" he asked and Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed.

"Never take another wife," the young youkai growled before storming off.

Inu Taisho stared at the late Lady and nodded, he would not marry his human hime, but he was already expecting another child as his once beloved wife's body lay cooling.

Inu Taisho did not cry as he left the chamber, allowing the servants to take care of her body. Inu Taisho did feel guilt, she would have lived had he not fallen in love with the human, it was his fault and his fault alone.

Far beyond the plain of existence a soul was housed to one day be reborn as a human girl child that would one day be slain by wolves to find her way back to a youkai that mistook his mother's pain for vengeance….

~*~