InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Flirt Retardation ❯ Flirt Retardation ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer. I do not own InuYasha

Flirt Retardation...flirtatiously retarded as I like to call it.

Since I was young, I have always wished to be one of those girls who could effortlessly walk up to a guy and talk to them.

Wished being the objective word here… kill would be a more appropriate fit.

You have to understand, and I'm sorry that I haven't clarified this from the beginning, but I am what I like to call flirtatiously retarded… no pun intended. As you may be thinking or speaking out loud if you're strange…there is such a thing as flirt retardation. Although it is not known in the medical world, I do believe it is a rising epidemic that is effecting the youth of this nation.

F.R. as it's more commonly known is a generalised, triarchic * disorder, characterised by subaverage protean functioning and deficits in two or more canoodling behaviours with onset before the age of 18.

To spot out a sufferer of F.R. there are three main characteristics you need to look out for.

I call them the three G's

One. Giggle … yes ladies you now what I'm talking about. That high pitched squawk we deem a laugh that horrendously leaves our lips, at the worst possible moment. Now we have all seen them, those overly humorous girls who find everything obnoxiously funny… the gigglers or hyenas… they are normally found in groups of three or more, with an ostentatiously loud voices that once combined creates a meshed climatic squeal of pubescent chitter-chatter so loud your eardrums may implode

Two. Wet… now I know where your mind is going with this so, I'm just going to stop you right there. Wet as in sweat… the unfortunate thing that happens once one is stricken with impoverish fears and a sudden daunting stress that sways in your gut as you are confronted with a hideous anxiety. This unfortunate predicament is one hellish qualm that plagues those with F.R.

And lastly number Three..... the most blatantly obvious sign that should painfully highlight a sufferer of Flirt Retardation is touchiness. I do understand that this may seem peculiar to many but I assure you, this particular perversion is a dozy. Although those who suffer F.R. show crude signs of the later, many seep the unmentionable itch of the handsy. It may start of as a simple pat; you've all seen it, that gentle love tap that encourages conversation. But that's where the similarities with a normal person end as this then leads to the pock, the slap and the all round favourite, awkward caress. Thus leading to a tragically embarrassing rendezvous.

Whether it's generic or a nature vs nurture predicament, those who suffer F.R. have very distinctive symptoms that led to numerous almost uncomprehending, self esteem shuttering moments of humiliation.

Thus bringing to light this painful disorder. Thank God, InuYasha, my God send of a boyfriend is immune, so much so that he....

1.Giggles with my giggles (seriously)

2.Sweats with me- sometimes we compare. Gross I know!!

3.Well, lets just say he doest mind the overtly in appropriate touching.girls the silver living to our proverbial cloud is to find a boy equally equipped to handle our awkward girlish ways. Trust me- life is more fun with some one willing to avoid your squeamish ways and smile at you nerdy outbursts. Be happy with your uniquely embarrassing tendencies for you might meet the right person who will have their own heartfelt immunity.