InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ For Such a Time As This ❯ The Pain of Memory ( Chapter 7 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Wingson 
The Plan worked! Now here's the consequences....
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.11.2003 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.8K | Visits: 492 | Status: Completed
The Plan worked! Now here's the consequences....
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.11.2003 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.8K | Visits: 492 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I own story, no own characters
Warnings: Entire chapter practically in Kikyo's pov....Raw grief...liberal amounts of angst and small fluff.
Translations:
Tanuki: a large, raccoon like creature that supposedly can do illusions. Tricksters (Miroku's Hachi is one). On a side note, can also be used to refer to a tomboy.
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For Such a Time as This
Chapter 7: The Pain of Memory
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Inuyasha stared off into the trees where Kagome had disappeared. He was still in shock. As if having first Kouga, then his brother show up wasn't enough, Kikyo shocked him to the core. Then Kagome had gone to her. They had both started glowing, and he felt something snap inside of him. If Kikyo did anything to hurt Kagome... Intellectually, he knew that she wasn't likely to be hurt, having initiated the contact, but his instincts were ruling him now. Kikyo was the one to pin him to the tree; she was the more powerful of the two; she had tried to pull him to hell. Twice betrayed and better known, he was scared for Kagome. As soon as he could, for the glow would not let him near, he had forced his way between the girls, growling.
What happened next rocked him to the core. Kikyo had opened her eyes, but it wasn't Kikyo who was looking at him. That had scared him more, and he had lashed out accordingly. Her response, if possible, had shocked him even further. Only Kagome, and perhaps Kaede, would know the significance of those words. He was rooted to the ground, barely even acknowledging the arrival of Kagura. His mind only caught up with him in time to mutter his own protest to her idea. When she took off the rosary that had been a thorn in his side for so long, he had only one thought. If she thought that the necklace was the only power she held over him, then she truly was the idiot he had accused her of being for so long. Just by existing she held power over him. Yet he was powerless as she mounted that feather and flew off.
* * *
Miroku, too, watched someone as Kagome disappeared. However, his gaze was fixed on Inuyasha, wondering if the hanyou fully realized all the results of the plan. Kikyo certainly did, for she had tried to warn Kagome. It appeared that Inuyasha did not know, however, for Miroku felt certain that he would not have willingly let Kagome go to her death. He moved to sit next to Sango, who had moved her brother to the side and now sat, worriedly looking after Kagome. Her hands were clenching and unclenching almost convulsively in the grass.
Miroku debated with himself for a long time. In a few minutes he would have a duty to perform, and by all rights he should be preparing for it. But there was a woman in need of comfort, and he was never a man to ignore that need. After all, as a monk, it was his spiritual duty to help those in times of need, to provide solace, to answer questions, to... to make up a million excuses and reasons to give in to his heart. This was Sango, and Sango was worried. He had to help. Even without Kagome's advice on love, he would have helped. It was Sango, and that's the only reason he needed. Slowly he slid a hand over and rested it on top of hers, gripping it lightly.
Sango froze, staring at their intertwined hands. Miroku had to look away and smile to himself at that reactions. All too soon the smile faded, replaced by worry and an impending sense of doom. In all likelihood they all would lose the center of their group in just a few minutes, the one piece that held all of their lives together. He found himself squeezing Sango's hand tighter, wanting her reassurance more than providing comfort now. Sango began to squeeze back with equal force, turning the grip almost desperate. They sat like that, gripping each other like a life line, until Kikyo stiffened.
Soon Kagura and Kanna reappeared, landed, and put on their rosaries. Kikyo dissolved the barrier and turned to Miroku, overlooking their interlocked hands.
"It's time," she said.
* * *
She watched as the monk nodded and stood, looking as serious as she had ever seen him. No. That wasn't right. As serious as Kagome had ever seen him. She frowned as she realized just how much of Kagome was still within her. Firmly locking those thoughts away, she tried to concentrate on something else. The memory of the monk's and the girl's clenched hands sprang to mind, as well as a foreign emotion she vaguely recognized as jealousy.
She was scared, she realized, so scared of what would happen in the next few minutes. She wanted that connection, that comfort, that the monk had provided, but there was no one for her. Inuyasha was still frozen; his brother was forcing him to move, to place the Tetsusaiga as a barrier, but he wasn't having that much success. Besides, somewhere, some small voice inside of her railed at her for seeking comfort in a hanyou.
All her musings had taken her far shorter than she thought. Kagura and the rest did not seem to notice the pause, so she continued as if it hadn't happened. She turned to the wind youkai. "When this is over," she said, "I will need to get to her quickly."
Kagura nodded, and her hand strayed to her feather, ready. Inuyasha was finally compelled to move, and the swords were in position. Kikyo stood in front and concentrated. At first nothing happened. The only visible sign that she was working was the sweat rolling down her face.
Then it began. This first signal was a miniscule reduction in the tension in Kikyo's shoulders. The monk must have been waiting for this for she felt the rosaries flare to life behind her. They had broken the barrier around Kagome's powers, and Kikyo could barely see the full results. The blooming dome of pink light was fairly obvious, but Kikyo could see the released souls on the leading edge. Grimly she continued to pour power into the fading spot that was her reincarnate. A wind that wasn't a wind arose and blew all around her. The zone of purity expanded to include all of Inuyasha forest and her village.
As she was touched with the leading edge of the power, she was shocked by the amount of love in the mix. Accessing Kagome's memories, she recalled the feeling of the first time this had happened. That blast was all anger and desperation, a fierce need to protect. The love and acceptance in this blast proved to her, more than anything else, that the girl had known what she was doing, and had accepted the consequences. It touched her to the core.
Finally the storm passed. Barely registering the collapse of the monk, Kikyo ran to Kagura and joined the two minions on the feather. They raced, seemingly faster than the wind, directly towards the fortress. They arrived just as the palace was disintegrating. Impatiently, she jumped off the feather and ran through the rooms, finally arriving in the main room.
There was very little evidence that anyone had ever lived there. Naraku had completely disappeared, but Kikyo could still feel the youki that proved he had been in the room. Kagome's wild plan had worked. Naraku was dead.
The room was dissolving around her. Her gaze was faxed on the small pile of earth and bones, piled high around two urns in the corner. She felt Kagura run up behind her. Instantly she was beside one of the urns and clutching it to her chest, a look of fierce joy on her face. Kanna, Inuyasha, and the rest of the youkai arrived.
The wolf crouched, ready to launch an attack. "Anytime you're ready, bitch," he growled.
Her smile was sad and triumphant at the same time. She began to dissolve as a breeze sprang up from no where. "I am the wind," she said, her voice getting faint. "And I am finally free!" With that she disappeared, and the breeze rushed around the room.
It circled each of them before finally settling on the youkai lord, Inuyasha's brother. "I have a proposition for you," it said, the voice sounding like a breathier version of Kagura's.
"What do you want with this Sesshomaru," the youkai said in a monotone.
The wind, that Kikyo now recognized as Kagura, flirted with the youkai's hair for a bit. "There is a whole field full of wolves around here that are just dying to rise again."
The wolf froze, unbelieving.
"And why should I do this?" the lord asked.
Kagura gave a sigh. "I suppose that out of the goodness of your heart is out of the question." She said, then moved to flirt with the girl child's hair.
The youkai's ward seemed to know that if she spoke her lord would do the exact opposite, so she merely looked her plea.
The youkai gave a barely audible sigh. "Fine," he said. "Show me this field. But if that wolf follows me nothing will be done. This Sesshomaru will not associate with wolves."
Kagura laughed and danced around in the lord's hair and clothes again. "All alone then, hmmm?" she said flirtatiously. "We are going to have so much fun," she said as they moved off, the child and the toad following behind.
There was silence. The room finally disappeared around them. "My sister was happy," Kanna finally said in her thready voice. "I'm glad."
Her statement seemed to remind the others of why they ran here. "Where's Kagome?" Inuyasha growled.
Kanna merely looked to the pile of earth surrounding the remaining urn. The look of dawning realization and pain in his face made Kikyo hurt. She couldn't look at his dead eyes for long. Instead, she picked up Kagura's urn and slowly began to fill it with the grave dirt. She started when the monk came up behind her and began to pray over what remained.
"Miroku?"
Kikyo turned. It was the little fox, apparently having come on the fire cat with the monk and the exterminator.
"Miroku, what are you doing? Where's Kagome?" the fox asked.
The monk did not answer, merely continuing to pray over the body.
"Stop it!" he exclaimed, and Kikyo heard the thread of panic in his voice. "Stop it, Miroku!"
The exterminator gathered the fox in her arms, trying to comfort him. He refused to be consoled, struggling against the embrace. Kikyo paused in her work to watch the drama unfold. A spark of life came back into Inuyasha's eyes, and he plucked the child from the girl's hold.
"Pay attention to your nose," Inuyasha said softly, holding him close. "She's gone."
"No!" the kit cried. "She can't be dead! You're lying!"
"Everyone dies, brat!" Inuyasha yelled. "Get used to it! You're a youkai! If you fall in love with a human, they will leave you!"
"This is all you fault!" the child screamed right back. "She didn't want to go, but you chased her away! It's your fault! Your fault! Yours!"
The fox dissolved into tears, beating on Inuyasha's chest with his tiny fists. Inuyasha sat and held onto him with all his might, but his eyes remained dry. The exterminator had collapsed against the fire cat, who was rumbling in distress. The wolf looked stunned, but when the fox began to cry he bolted, seeming to attempt to out run the truth. Even the monk had paused in his prayers, as if trying to decide whether to offer comfort to the living or care for the dead.
Kikyo decided to solve his dilemma. "Don't bother with your prayers, monk," she said. "It's useless."
He turned and said, stunned, "What do you mean by that?"
"Her soul," came the whispered answer from Kanna. Everyone except Kikyo turned to stare at the girl, having forgotten she was there. "Her soul is no longer here."
"That's impossible," the exterminator said. "A soul doesn't just disappear."
Kikyo did not respond, instead retuning to her task. Fatigue was beginning to ride upon her. It had been a long day, for both of her forms. Her world seemed to reduce to the urn and her hands. Finally she had gotten all of it. Capping the urn, she turned to find Kanna right beside her. Nodding to the other urn, she asked, "Isn't that yours?"
"I am nothing," the girl responded. "That was mine, yes, but there is nothing in it. I have no heart to guard."
"What will you do now?" Kikyo asked.
"Wait for Kagura," she said. "She will come back now that the wolf is gone. She can't resist something that is not affected by her. The wind affects everything, but I'm nothing." She gave the miko a small smile.
"Where's the jewel?" Inuyasha interrupted. His voice was harsh with suppressed emotion, and he still cradled the fox in his hands, but in his eyes there was a fire that had been missing a few moments before, the fire of hope. "I'll make my wish. She'll live again."
Kikyo was unprepared for the stab of pain that shafted straight through her heart. Closing her eyes, she whispered brokenly, "Impossible. The jewel is gone as well."
Clutching the urn with the remains inside, she stood swiftly, intending to get back to the village and away from Inuyasha as soon as possible. Her world spun around her, and she collapsed again. She barely managed to twist around so that she did not break the urn.
A face swam into her vision, and she tried to force the urn into their hands. "Take this to Kaede for burial. I don't think I am going to make it."
* * *
The first thing she knew was that the sun was warm. She did not know how long she had been in the dark and cold, but the sun felt good. Giving a deep sigh, she opened her eyes and sat up. She was in a small hut, alone. The weapons piled to one side indicated that this was the hut that Inuyasha and his group stayed in when in the village. Someone must have carried her back and allowed her to sleep off the work of the precious day. Judging by the location of the sun as it shone through the window, it was late afternoon. She must have slept for a long time.
She stood, and was surprised at how weak she felt. Apparently she hadn't fully recovered yet. She slowly changed from her sleeping robe into the familiar miko robes. Exiting the hut, she stared up at the steps to the shrine. After stopping twice to rest on the way up, she finally reached the top, and stared.
Her gravestone rose out of the ground, a mound of freshly turned earth just in front of it. The yellow backpack stood silent vigil at the base. Tacked onto the place where her name used to be was a crude wooden sign with 'Kagome' scratched on it in barely legible scrawl. That is not what drew her attention, though. Hanging from every conceivable perch on the headstone were rosaries. Nine of them. She was puzzled for a moment, but then realized what they must be. Eight rosaries for the eight youkai she saved from Naraku, and one older, more worn one that a hanyou had worn and hated for so long.
She sat on the top step, looking down on what used to be her village, taking in the changes that had occurred over the past fifty years. Even with the signs of the recent youkai attacks, she could tell the village had prospered in the years of relative peace. She was glad that her death, even based on mistrust and betrayal as it had been, had been worth something to someone. It gave her a perverse sense of comfort.
There was a small disturbance on the edge of the forest, and she watched idly as Inuyasha and his followers emerged and walked to the hut. Almost immediately everyone ran out again, running in three different directions. Inuyasha went to the forest, the monk to the fields and the two exterminators to the village. Kaede followed, but she was the only one to look towards the shrine. Kikyo stood and slowly made her way down the stairs, meeting her sister at the bottom.
"They told me what happened, Kikyo-onee-sama," Kaede said carefully. "We were worried for you."
"Why?" Kikyo was honestly puzzled. "You should have known that I would go to the shrine when I woke. There was no need for a search party." She suddenly realized that that is what it had been.
Kaede was silent as if wanting to wait until everyone was there before any explanations were given. They walked back and sat in the hut, preparing dinner. Fairly shortly thereafter, the other three walked in, and all seemed surprised that Kikyo was back. The miko turn to Inuyasha and said, "I am surprised that you could not smell that I was at the shrine."
All she got in response was a muttered "Feh," but in a few minutes, her question was answered in a way that only produced more questions. The sun set. Inuyasha sighed as his hair turned black, the ears and claws disappeared, and his youki was gone from her senses.
Kikyo stared in shock. He had accepted the change casually, as if the others in the room already knew about it. It had taken her three months to figure out where he disappeared to on moonless nights, and she only found out because she followed him. She had never gotten a chance to confront him on it, however. To these people, who had maybe known him for two months, for him to reveal such a secret was almost beyond her reasoning. Then the real truth came crashing down on her. The last new moon had been two weeks ago! But when she glanced out the window, there was no moon in the sky. The pieces finally started adding up, and she sighed. "This isn't the day after the battle, is it?"
There was a general shaking of heads. Inuyasha pouted in a corner, awaiting the dawn.
"How long have I been asleep?" she asked, resigned.
"Two weeks," the monk said.
Kikyo nodded. That was why they had been so worried. She should have expected as much. She herself had slept for three days when her own powers had awakened. This time she not only had to force another's powers to mature from a great distance, but she was getting fragmented memories of Kagome's own exploits on that fateful day. Still, there was something bothering her about the amount of time she had slept, some responsibility she was forgetting.
"Oh, no!" she cried, the realization coming quickly. Once again, she stood up too fast and almost fell down. Recovering her balance, she headed for the door.
"Wait!" Inuyasha was in front of her. "Where are you going?"
"The soldiers at the shrine," she explained quickly. When all she got was confused stares, she said, "I had a hospital of sorts at a small shrine. I treated mainly soldiers, but sometimes I received accident victims. It wasn't much, but I was only supposed to be gone one night! I need to get back to them!"
"You're not going anywhere tonight." The female exterminator silenced any protests she might have made with a glance. "It is senseless to travel blind in the night. Rest now, and in the morning, Kohaku and I will take Kirara and see if there is anybody left. We can bring them here."
Kikyo would have protested, but she felt her knees tremble beneath her. As gracefully as possible she walked back to the fire and sat down. She honestly didn't know why she was so concerned. She really hadn't cared about the soldiers before. They were just something she was doing while she waited for a chance to kill Naraku. Yet this new body seemed to come with a full range of emotions. She found that she was feeling more in the afternoon that she had been awake than she had in the months she had been 'alive' before.
"Smart choice," the girl said. "That's my best friend's body you have," she continued with barely concealed hostility, "and I'm not about to let you run it ragged."
The monk decided to break the tense silence with a discrete cough. "What's a hospital?" he asked when Kikyo turned to him.
The miko blinked, but then remembered that she had used the word in her earlier rant. "It... it's a word used in Kagome's time," she said, trying to work it out, "for a place of healing. Doctor's congregate there, especially to treat accidents, but there aren't any mikos or monks. Well, there are, but they don't do any healing, and... I'm not making any sense, am I?"
"I think we got the general idea, onee-sama." Kaede said as she handed her a bowl. "Right now you need to build up some strength. You have two weeks to catch up on."
Kikyo smiled as she watched her sister hand bowls to everyone else. The smile faded when Kaede handed two bowls to the monk. She suddenly noticed what, or rather who, was missing from the hut. "Where's the fox?"
Everyone tensed. The monk had stood and was not frozen. Slowly, he began to move again, carrying his two bowls over to a corner that Kikyo had overlooked. There, tucked up in what the Kagome in her mind told her, was a sleeping bag lay the fox kit. He made no move to recognize the monk, only continued to stare blankly at nothing, his hands nervously picking at the blanket. Kikyo frowned as the monk tried to get the child to eat, without success.
She didn't understand. The kit had chosen to die. It would make sense to try and save the fire cat, or Inuyasha, who were powerful in battle, but the fox? She shook her head and returned to her meal, ignoring the voice in her head that said that youkai should be judged for more than their use in battle, that there were other reasons to preserve their lives.
* * *
The next two weeks passed in somewhat of a blur. It took barely three days for the news to get out that 'Kikyo-sama' had taken up another shrine when its miko had been killed. When it did, the wounded came in droves. She couldn't do much at first because of her own health, but by the end of the third week her days were filled with the care of the wounded. She managed to save most of them through a combination of her own healing talent and Kagome's knowledge from the future. She had an unexpected ally in the exterminator's brother, who was extremely quiet, but quick to follow orders and had a soft touch. By the second week, when she saw the joy return to his face, she realized that Kohaku had a healer's soul, and began to teach him what she knew. It pained her to think what Naraku had put this child through, and she wanted to help heal his soul. So, between care of the wounded and Kohaku's lessons, her days were very busy.
The nights were a different matter. During the day she could pretend. She was needed, and her help was vital. But when she trudged back to the hut at the end of the day, the memories surfaced. That hut wasn't supposed to be that quiet. The girl's eyes weren't supposed to look that lost. The monk's hands were supposed to stray. Inuyasha wasn't supposed to prefer the trees to the hut at night. But most disturbing of all, was the silent little corner, where a small youkai sat, staring into nothing, waiting for someone who wasn't coming back.
In the first week he would disappear at times, and someone would be sent to the well. He would inevitably be there, having jumped to the bottom. By the second week he was too weak to even make the attempt. The monk had not been able to get him to eat. Kikyo was getting worried. Normally a youkai could go for several months on minimal food, but he was so young. Something would have to be done soon.
One day, towards the end of the second week, she felt several youkai passing to the east of the village. These were fairly peaceful, unlike some of the others that the monk and the exterminator had gone to finish off. The death of Naraku had left a power void that several youkai were in the process of scrambling for. Apparently, these youkai were moving on to better territory. Among them was a fox youkai pair that Kagome had talked to in a very confusing section of her memories. Kikyo called to them and explained the situation with the kit. They agreed to come and take a look. Kikyo told them to come that night, so as not to scare the villagers.
"What's wrong, Kikyo-sama?" Kohaku asked
Kikyo blinked. Belatedly realizing that she had paused in the middle of bandaging some man in order to talk to the youkai, she smiled. "Nothing's wrong," she said. "I just received some hope."
The rest of the day passed in a blur. Kikyo was sure, that if someone were to ask her on a later day what she had done for the rest of the day, she would not be able to answer. She just seemed to jump from one place and time to another. The fox pair arrived just as they were finishing dinner. Out of respect for the villagers, they did not arrive with the fanfare that had heralded their first visit. Kikyo merely sensed their presence and lay down her dishes.
Picking up the kit, she led the way outside. "Here he is," she called to the waiting foxes. "Take him."
"What the hell are you doing!" Inuyasha demanded.
"Giving him away," Kikyo responded.
"How dare you?" cried the exterminator.
"Shippo will stay with us," the monk seconded.
"And he will die within a week," Kikyo said. "I am saving his life!"
"He has twice lost those he would call parents?" the male fox said to disrupt the argument.
"Yes," Kikyo said. "But the second was barely a month ago. You should be able to care for him."
The female was already shaking her head. "A kit twice lost is lost forever," she said. "Especially one so young. He will die, unless you find some way to bring the parents back. Illusions sometimes work, but never for long."
"Damn it, Kikyo," Inuyasha said. "Put Shippo back in the hut. We can take care of him."
"No, you can't!" Kikyo said desperately. "He's dying!"
"The female should not show such disrespect," the male fox said to Inuyasha. "As pack leader, you should punish her."
"Pack?" Kikyo spat, her emotions running high. "I am not a part of any youkai's pack."
There was a general pause as the foxes regarded her. "No," said the male finally. "No, you are not, yet you still protect the kit." With that parting shot they were gone.
Kikyo thrust the fox into Inuyasha's arms and stalked off. Almost as soon as she was out of the other's sight, she was bombarded with memories. Happier times flashed through her mind's eye, too quickly to really see. One thing was clear, though. Every memory featured the fox, smiling and happy. Kikyo groaned and clutched her head.
"I tried!" she cried. "What more do you want from me?"
Her only response was an increase in the speed of the memories. The Kagome in her brain did not want Shippo to die, and honestly, Kikyo didn't want the fox to go either. But her solution did not work. What more could the girl ask of her?
The next day was hell. The memories forced their way through in everything she did. Apparently whatever part of her that was still Kagome was getting desperate. It distracted her during meals, prayers, even during her work on the patients. On top of everything else, a storm was brewing, and she needed to move everyone to shelter. By the time she got back to the hut that night she was exhausted.
The thunder started midway through dinner. No rain yet, but it would happen soon. At the first peal the fox jumped, and by the second he was screaming for Kagome. None of the others could console him. He wanted Kagome and he wanted her right now. Kikyo finally left, unable to stand it any longer.
Almost immediately the memories hit full force, demanding that she go back inside.
"What good can I do in there?" Kikyo said as she sat on the bridge outside the hut.
A memory: Kagome cuddling Shippo at night.
"Hmph," she snorted, "He wants you, not me."
Another: Inuyasha mistaking Kagome for Kikyo, especially when she was in miko robes.
"The kit's smarter than that," Kikyo said. "Even Inuyasha wasn't fooled for long. Why'd the kid go berserk in any case?"
Yet another: Two youkai that utilized lightning, one that wore a fox pelt around his waist.
"His father?" asked Kikyo, suddenly curious.
Memory: Blue fox flame, in the shape of a proud male, protecting both kit and Kagome.
"Alright," she said. "But that still doesn't explain why it has to be me. Why not Inuyasha?"
A montage: Inuyasha bonking the kit on the head, chasing after him, holding him up by his tail.
"Fine, fine," Kikyo said. "I'll do something. Shut up and let me think."
She went to the shrine, hoping to calm her nerves and rather desperate for a solution. The kit wasn't stupid. She knew that if she went in there and tried to comfort him he would reject her. That, and she'd probably get hit by one or more weapons. So she spent the time walking up the steps to review what she knew.
Fox youkai were tricksters by nature. Generally pleasure seekers, a male could be tempted by an attractive female. Once caught, one arrow would be enough to... no, that was not the kind of information she was looking for.
Their illusions were very good, even when young, better than a tanuki's. They often utilized illusions within illusions, so one has to be patient in order to trap their real selves. Once seen through, it takes time for them to develop another illusion, so a shot could be taken... NO! That wouldn't help either. All her information was about death and killing, not preserving life.
A memory: Kagome holding Shippo as he cried.
Kikyo sighed. That wouldn't WORK!
Fox youkai possess traits of the animals they come from, such as keen hearing and eyesight, as well as a highly developed sense of... smell! THAT just might work!
She ran to the grave, where Kagome's backpack still stood vigil. She rummaged through it, grabbing a uniform and some bathing supplies. The wind picked up, bringing with it the fresh sent of rain. The thunder rumbled, and she quickly ran to the river and took the shortest bath in recorded history. Changing into the uniform, she ran back to the hut, appearing in the door, her hair flying wet and free, just as the storm broke. The fox was still screaming.
"Shippo-chan?" she said. "What's wrong?"
The hut was dead silent.
"KAGOME!" the kit cried, launching himself at her. "I knew you would come back!"
"Shippo-chan, you're so light," Kikyo said. "You need to eat some more." 'Might as well save the kit while we're comforting him,' she thought.
The kit nodded, sobbing, but refused to leave her. She ended up with him on her lap, spoon feeding him his first meal in a little under a month. The effort exhausted him, and he fell asleep shortly thereafter. The others were still staring at her in disbelief.
"Ka-Kagome-chan?" the exterminator finally ventured.
Kikyo shook her head no, refusing to look up from the kit. After two weeks of barely restrained hostility, she didn't want to look at their faces. "He needed to eat," she offered as an explanation, "but would only eat from her hand. I am merely providing that hand."
"And what happens tomorrow, when he wakes to find you there instead of her?" the monk asked.
"I'll deal with that tomorrow, but for now he won't die by next week," she said, quietly defiant, but still refusing to meet their gaze.
She stayed like that, looking at the kit and absently stroking his fur, until the others all went to bed. Inuyasha was the last to go, waiting until the storm had blown over before going to sleep in a tree. She stood, carrying the kit, and gazed out upon the stars.
"I don't get it," she finally said to the child in her arms. "You are a youkai, so by all rights I, as a miko, should shoot you. But something in me won't let that happen. And don't say that it's Kagome," she snorted, "because that would be lying. I could have let you scream. In a week you would be dead, and I would not have to lift a finger." She sighed, "No, it was me. I called the foxes. I put on this ridiculous piece of clothing. I just don't get why. It's like I want her to come back."
Kikyo trailed off, thinking for a moment, then chuckled quietly, slightly disturbing the kit in her arms. "You are an idiot, Kagome," she said. "An idiot for leaving all of this. He might have loved me... once. But I never stood a chance once you stood up to him and pulled that arrow out. You are the heart of this group, and they are falling apart without you." She looked at Shippo, resting in her arms. "Just you wait," she told him as he stirred restlessly. "I'll do everything in my power to bring her back."
* * *
"Kikyo-sama! Kikyo-sama!"
Kikyo turned to find the little girl running to her as fast as she could. "Rin-chan! You're late this week!"
"Rin knows! But Sesshomaru-sama is here, and says that this better be the last time." Rin said, panting. "Rin is not sure if she can convince Sesshomaru-sama to come again!"
Kikyo sighed. "Then we shall just have to hope that this week will be the week!" Rin nodded enthusiastically, and they headed to the well.
She had woken up the day after the storm to find a completely changed Shippo. He had apparently heard her the night before, and was going to hold her to her promise. Not an easy task when the rest of the people they were living with hated her. She had thought the practice hopeless, for her one idea involved finding the exact date of the first final battle, and that involved going repeatedly to the no man's land of the well. The first time she had tried Inuyasha had practically thrown her out.
She had not counted on the resourcefulness of the fox. Shippo had noticed, when Sesshomaru had come to fight, that Inuyasha didn't respond as before. When Sesshomaru left in disgust, he followed. Then the little imp proposed that Sesshomaru come back once a week, to distract Inuyasha and give Kikyo time to check out the well. If Kikyo's idea worked, Kagome would be back, and Inuyasha would fight harder. It was a simple bargain, but it worked.
Carefully avoiding the loud fight, the two coconspirators arrived at the well. Kikyo gasped. She could see the steady pink glow from the well bursting forth. Turning to Rin, she said, "You didn't come a day too late. Go tell your Sesshomaru-sama that this was the right week, and the plan will be put in place. Ask him to come back tomorrow."
"OK!" the child yelled as she ran back to the fight.
Kikyo took a deep breath and jumped. She had never experienced a flight through the well before, and she was a little nervous. She had Kagome's memories to rely on, but that was nothing compared to the real experience. The lights, pink and blue, seemed to caress her and she hurtled through nothing. She had barely opened her mouth to scream before landing softly on the other side. Once down there, she paused and felt the energies of the well, determined to figure out what was causing that pink light. In her experience only one thing did that, and that was....yes! There it was. The Shikon no Tama burst forth from where it had been trapped for five months, in the timeless space in the middle of the well. Kikyo smiled. This was the cause of the time loop. She quickly replaced it, hoping that it could still work.
Once she had replaced the jewel, she climbed slowly out of the well. Exiting the well house, the first thing she saw was a woman, who stared at her in shock. Kikyo searched through Kagome's memory for a name and rolled her eyes. She couldn't very well call this person 'Mama', could she?
"Higarashi-san," she said for lack of a better term. "As much as I look it, I am not your daughter."
The woman nodded. "I think I knew that already," she said. "Where is my daughter, and why hasn't she come back for three months?"
"Ma'm," Kikyo said, and froze. She hadn't the heart to tell Inuyasha that Kagome was dead, so how could she tell her mother?
"Let's go inside," Higarashi said. "I'll make some tea and you can tell me the whole story.
And so, over tea, the whole story came pouring out. She left out the parts Kagome had left out of her rendition, but in general the story remained the same. Once she had brought the woman up to the present with the first version of events, she began to get a little shaky. She didn't fully understand the last part of the story, but knew it had something to do with the well being broken. She pieced together that story as well as she could.
"And so it comes to this," She finally said. "Three months ago your daughter did something that I'm not even sure I could do. It was the single most selfless and brave act I have ever seen. She took my body, the one made of clay, and confronted Naraku. She managed to kill him, but died in the process. I have been trying since then to go through the well to tell you this, and to give you some hope."
"Hope?" came a querulous voice from the door. "You have just told me that my granddaughter is dead. What hope have we?"
"More than you might think," Kikyo responded. "I told you that she died in the past, but it is my belief that this has happened before. During one of her jumps in the time loop, she confronted me and shot at me. I am an excellent shot with the bow, and I defended myself. When my life is on the line, I never miss, and from her memory I was shooting to kill. It is my belief that the Shikon jewel preserved her and put her back at the beginning of the loop in order for it to be pulled from the well. It is the only explanation that makes sense under the circumstances, because she did live past that incident."
She turned back to the mother, who seemed more reasonable than the frowning man behind her. "I believe that the jewel will do the same thing again, and some time tonight or early this morning your daughter's soul should appear. I intend to be there to merge it again with this body, where it belongs."
Higarashi nodded, and offered her some room to stay while she waited. Kikyo politely refused, asking where Kagome's room was, so that she might prepare. Once there, she sat at the girl's desk and brought out the journal. If...no, when this worked, Kagome would want to know what had happened and how to fix the time loop.
Late into the night she wrote, her meditation for the long vigil. She tried to stay awake, not wanting to miss the return of Kagome's soul, but she finally fell asleep at the desk, the months of worry taking over.
And in the dark before the dawn, she began to softly glow, as what once was lost returned home.
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So it looks like I scared everybody last time. Sorry, won't do that again. (At least until the real end, that is)
A/N: Longest chapter to date! (At least with Inuyasha fics, I have one 26 page Fushigi Yuugi chapter...) And only one more chapter to go! That's right, folks, all that remains of this story is an epilogue. (I told ya not to worry, I am an Inu/Kag fan.)
Not only did this chapter take forever to write and get right, first ff.net was down, and then my word program encountered a fatal error.....GRRRR! Everything goes against me!
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Review responses:
Fanfiction.net
Ghoul King: GAH!! Don't eat me!!!! This chapter took at least four major rewrites, so that's why it's a little late! Seriously, I am glad you like it. Does this save me from slaughtering?
Alden Hawke: Were your questions answered here? Sorry you had to wait a little longer this time.
Sammyosa92: Nope, not the end. Next part's the end.
Aamelie: Evil is my trade mark, but it will all end up happily in the end! I hope I got the next chapter out "son" enough for you! :)
Jao-jao: Already emailed ya!
Kaagome: Never fear! Inu/Kag fluff coming soon!!!
Mockingbird917: *Bows and scrapes* I'm sorry! I'm sorry! (Geeze, I seem to be doing a lot of apologizing in these notes.
Media Miner:
Aditu: I am glad that you are just a kind and gentle reader, because I got some semi flames on ff.net! I was right, this chapter gave me major difficulties, and that's why it is so late. Grrrr, stupid Kikyo. You know, if I didn't like her so much I would really hate her. She's an enormously difficult character to write!
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That's all for now!
WS
Warnings: Entire chapter practically in Kikyo's pov....Raw grief...liberal amounts of angst and small fluff.
Translations:
Tanuki: a large, raccoon like creature that supposedly can do illusions. Tricksters (Miroku's Hachi is one). On a side note, can also be used to refer to a tomboy.
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For Such a Time as This
Chapter 7: The Pain of Memory
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Inuyasha stared off into the trees where Kagome had disappeared. He was still in shock. As if having first Kouga, then his brother show up wasn't enough, Kikyo shocked him to the core. Then Kagome had gone to her. They had both started glowing, and he felt something snap inside of him. If Kikyo did anything to hurt Kagome... Intellectually, he knew that she wasn't likely to be hurt, having initiated the contact, but his instincts were ruling him now. Kikyo was the one to pin him to the tree; she was the more powerful of the two; she had tried to pull him to hell. Twice betrayed and better known, he was scared for Kagome. As soon as he could, for the glow would not let him near, he had forced his way between the girls, growling.
What happened next rocked him to the core. Kikyo had opened her eyes, but it wasn't Kikyo who was looking at him. That had scared him more, and he had lashed out accordingly. Her response, if possible, had shocked him even further. Only Kagome, and perhaps Kaede, would know the significance of those words. He was rooted to the ground, barely even acknowledging the arrival of Kagura. His mind only caught up with him in time to mutter his own protest to her idea. When she took off the rosary that had been a thorn in his side for so long, he had only one thought. If she thought that the necklace was the only power she held over him, then she truly was the idiot he had accused her of being for so long. Just by existing she held power over him. Yet he was powerless as she mounted that feather and flew off.
* * *
Miroku, too, watched someone as Kagome disappeared. However, his gaze was fixed on Inuyasha, wondering if the hanyou fully realized all the results of the plan. Kikyo certainly did, for she had tried to warn Kagome. It appeared that Inuyasha did not know, however, for Miroku felt certain that he would not have willingly let Kagome go to her death. He moved to sit next to Sango, who had moved her brother to the side and now sat, worriedly looking after Kagome. Her hands were clenching and unclenching almost convulsively in the grass.
Miroku debated with himself for a long time. In a few minutes he would have a duty to perform, and by all rights he should be preparing for it. But there was a woman in need of comfort, and he was never a man to ignore that need. After all, as a monk, it was his spiritual duty to help those in times of need, to provide solace, to answer questions, to... to make up a million excuses and reasons to give in to his heart. This was Sango, and Sango was worried. He had to help. Even without Kagome's advice on love, he would have helped. It was Sango, and that's the only reason he needed. Slowly he slid a hand over and rested it on top of hers, gripping it lightly.
Sango froze, staring at their intertwined hands. Miroku had to look away and smile to himself at that reactions. All too soon the smile faded, replaced by worry and an impending sense of doom. In all likelihood they all would lose the center of their group in just a few minutes, the one piece that held all of their lives together. He found himself squeezing Sango's hand tighter, wanting her reassurance more than providing comfort now. Sango began to squeeze back with equal force, turning the grip almost desperate. They sat like that, gripping each other like a life line, until Kikyo stiffened.
Soon Kagura and Kanna reappeared, landed, and put on their rosaries. Kikyo dissolved the barrier and turned to Miroku, overlooking their interlocked hands.
"It's time," she said.
* * *
She watched as the monk nodded and stood, looking as serious as she had ever seen him. No. That wasn't right. As serious as Kagome had ever seen him. She frowned as she realized just how much of Kagome was still within her. Firmly locking those thoughts away, she tried to concentrate on something else. The memory of the monk's and the girl's clenched hands sprang to mind, as well as a foreign emotion she vaguely recognized as jealousy.
She was scared, she realized, so scared of what would happen in the next few minutes. She wanted that connection, that comfort, that the monk had provided, but there was no one for her. Inuyasha was still frozen; his brother was forcing him to move, to place the Tetsusaiga as a barrier, but he wasn't having that much success. Besides, somewhere, some small voice inside of her railed at her for seeking comfort in a hanyou.
All her musings had taken her far shorter than she thought. Kagura and the rest did not seem to notice the pause, so she continued as if it hadn't happened. She turned to the wind youkai. "When this is over," she said, "I will need to get to her quickly."
Kagura nodded, and her hand strayed to her feather, ready. Inuyasha was finally compelled to move, and the swords were in position. Kikyo stood in front and concentrated. At first nothing happened. The only visible sign that she was working was the sweat rolling down her face.
Then it began. This first signal was a miniscule reduction in the tension in Kikyo's shoulders. The monk must have been waiting for this for she felt the rosaries flare to life behind her. They had broken the barrier around Kagome's powers, and Kikyo could barely see the full results. The blooming dome of pink light was fairly obvious, but Kikyo could see the released souls on the leading edge. Grimly she continued to pour power into the fading spot that was her reincarnate. A wind that wasn't a wind arose and blew all around her. The zone of purity expanded to include all of Inuyasha forest and her village.
As she was touched with the leading edge of the power, she was shocked by the amount of love in the mix. Accessing Kagome's memories, she recalled the feeling of the first time this had happened. That blast was all anger and desperation, a fierce need to protect. The love and acceptance in this blast proved to her, more than anything else, that the girl had known what she was doing, and had accepted the consequences. It touched her to the core.
Finally the storm passed. Barely registering the collapse of the monk, Kikyo ran to Kagura and joined the two minions on the feather. They raced, seemingly faster than the wind, directly towards the fortress. They arrived just as the palace was disintegrating. Impatiently, she jumped off the feather and ran through the rooms, finally arriving in the main room.
There was very little evidence that anyone had ever lived there. Naraku had completely disappeared, but Kikyo could still feel the youki that proved he had been in the room. Kagome's wild plan had worked. Naraku was dead.
The room was dissolving around her. Her gaze was faxed on the small pile of earth and bones, piled high around two urns in the corner. She felt Kagura run up behind her. Instantly she was beside one of the urns and clutching it to her chest, a look of fierce joy on her face. Kanna, Inuyasha, and the rest of the youkai arrived.
The wolf crouched, ready to launch an attack. "Anytime you're ready, bitch," he growled.
Her smile was sad and triumphant at the same time. She began to dissolve as a breeze sprang up from no where. "I am the wind," she said, her voice getting faint. "And I am finally free!" With that she disappeared, and the breeze rushed around the room.
It circled each of them before finally settling on the youkai lord, Inuyasha's brother. "I have a proposition for you," it said, the voice sounding like a breathier version of Kagura's.
"What do you want with this Sesshomaru," the youkai said in a monotone.
The wind, that Kikyo now recognized as Kagura, flirted with the youkai's hair for a bit. "There is a whole field full of wolves around here that are just dying to rise again."
The wolf froze, unbelieving.
"And why should I do this?" the lord asked.
Kagura gave a sigh. "I suppose that out of the goodness of your heart is out of the question." She said, then moved to flirt with the girl child's hair.
The youkai's ward seemed to know that if she spoke her lord would do the exact opposite, so she merely looked her plea.
The youkai gave a barely audible sigh. "Fine," he said. "Show me this field. But if that wolf follows me nothing will be done. This Sesshomaru will not associate with wolves."
Kagura laughed and danced around in the lord's hair and clothes again. "All alone then, hmmm?" she said flirtatiously. "We are going to have so much fun," she said as they moved off, the child and the toad following behind.
There was silence. The room finally disappeared around them. "My sister was happy," Kanna finally said in her thready voice. "I'm glad."
Her statement seemed to remind the others of why they ran here. "Where's Kagome?" Inuyasha growled.
Kanna merely looked to the pile of earth surrounding the remaining urn. The look of dawning realization and pain in his face made Kikyo hurt. She couldn't look at his dead eyes for long. Instead, she picked up Kagura's urn and slowly began to fill it with the grave dirt. She started when the monk came up behind her and began to pray over what remained.
"Miroku?"
Kikyo turned. It was the little fox, apparently having come on the fire cat with the monk and the exterminator.
"Miroku, what are you doing? Where's Kagome?" the fox asked.
The monk did not answer, merely continuing to pray over the body.
"Stop it!" he exclaimed, and Kikyo heard the thread of panic in his voice. "Stop it, Miroku!"
The exterminator gathered the fox in her arms, trying to comfort him. He refused to be consoled, struggling against the embrace. Kikyo paused in her work to watch the drama unfold. A spark of life came back into Inuyasha's eyes, and he plucked the child from the girl's hold.
"Pay attention to your nose," Inuyasha said softly, holding him close. "She's gone."
"No!" the kit cried. "She can't be dead! You're lying!"
"Everyone dies, brat!" Inuyasha yelled. "Get used to it! You're a youkai! If you fall in love with a human, they will leave you!"
"This is all you fault!" the child screamed right back. "She didn't want to go, but you chased her away! It's your fault! Your fault! Yours!"
The fox dissolved into tears, beating on Inuyasha's chest with his tiny fists. Inuyasha sat and held onto him with all his might, but his eyes remained dry. The exterminator had collapsed against the fire cat, who was rumbling in distress. The wolf looked stunned, but when the fox began to cry he bolted, seeming to attempt to out run the truth. Even the monk had paused in his prayers, as if trying to decide whether to offer comfort to the living or care for the dead.
Kikyo decided to solve his dilemma. "Don't bother with your prayers, monk," she said. "It's useless."
He turned and said, stunned, "What do you mean by that?"
"Her soul," came the whispered answer from Kanna. Everyone except Kikyo turned to stare at the girl, having forgotten she was there. "Her soul is no longer here."
"That's impossible," the exterminator said. "A soul doesn't just disappear."
Kikyo did not respond, instead retuning to her task. Fatigue was beginning to ride upon her. It had been a long day, for both of her forms. Her world seemed to reduce to the urn and her hands. Finally she had gotten all of it. Capping the urn, she turned to find Kanna right beside her. Nodding to the other urn, she asked, "Isn't that yours?"
"I am nothing," the girl responded. "That was mine, yes, but there is nothing in it. I have no heart to guard."
"What will you do now?" Kikyo asked.
"Wait for Kagura," she said. "She will come back now that the wolf is gone. She can't resist something that is not affected by her. The wind affects everything, but I'm nothing." She gave the miko a small smile.
"Where's the jewel?" Inuyasha interrupted. His voice was harsh with suppressed emotion, and he still cradled the fox in his hands, but in his eyes there was a fire that had been missing a few moments before, the fire of hope. "I'll make my wish. She'll live again."
Kikyo was unprepared for the stab of pain that shafted straight through her heart. Closing her eyes, she whispered brokenly, "Impossible. The jewel is gone as well."
Clutching the urn with the remains inside, she stood swiftly, intending to get back to the village and away from Inuyasha as soon as possible. Her world spun around her, and she collapsed again. She barely managed to twist around so that she did not break the urn.
A face swam into her vision, and she tried to force the urn into their hands. "Take this to Kaede for burial. I don't think I am going to make it."
* * *
The first thing she knew was that the sun was warm. She did not know how long she had been in the dark and cold, but the sun felt good. Giving a deep sigh, she opened her eyes and sat up. She was in a small hut, alone. The weapons piled to one side indicated that this was the hut that Inuyasha and his group stayed in when in the village. Someone must have carried her back and allowed her to sleep off the work of the precious day. Judging by the location of the sun as it shone through the window, it was late afternoon. She must have slept for a long time.
She stood, and was surprised at how weak she felt. Apparently she hadn't fully recovered yet. She slowly changed from her sleeping robe into the familiar miko robes. Exiting the hut, she stared up at the steps to the shrine. After stopping twice to rest on the way up, she finally reached the top, and stared.
Her gravestone rose out of the ground, a mound of freshly turned earth just in front of it. The yellow backpack stood silent vigil at the base. Tacked onto the place where her name used to be was a crude wooden sign with 'Kagome' scratched on it in barely legible scrawl. That is not what drew her attention, though. Hanging from every conceivable perch on the headstone were rosaries. Nine of them. She was puzzled for a moment, but then realized what they must be. Eight rosaries for the eight youkai she saved from Naraku, and one older, more worn one that a hanyou had worn and hated for so long.
She sat on the top step, looking down on what used to be her village, taking in the changes that had occurred over the past fifty years. Even with the signs of the recent youkai attacks, she could tell the village had prospered in the years of relative peace. She was glad that her death, even based on mistrust and betrayal as it had been, had been worth something to someone. It gave her a perverse sense of comfort.
There was a small disturbance on the edge of the forest, and she watched idly as Inuyasha and his followers emerged and walked to the hut. Almost immediately everyone ran out again, running in three different directions. Inuyasha went to the forest, the monk to the fields and the two exterminators to the village. Kaede followed, but she was the only one to look towards the shrine. Kikyo stood and slowly made her way down the stairs, meeting her sister at the bottom.
"They told me what happened, Kikyo-onee-sama," Kaede said carefully. "We were worried for you."
"Why?" Kikyo was honestly puzzled. "You should have known that I would go to the shrine when I woke. There was no need for a search party." She suddenly realized that that is what it had been.
Kaede was silent as if wanting to wait until everyone was there before any explanations were given. They walked back and sat in the hut, preparing dinner. Fairly shortly thereafter, the other three walked in, and all seemed surprised that Kikyo was back. The miko turn to Inuyasha and said, "I am surprised that you could not smell that I was at the shrine."
All she got in response was a muttered "Feh," but in a few minutes, her question was answered in a way that only produced more questions. The sun set. Inuyasha sighed as his hair turned black, the ears and claws disappeared, and his youki was gone from her senses.
Kikyo stared in shock. He had accepted the change casually, as if the others in the room already knew about it. It had taken her three months to figure out where he disappeared to on moonless nights, and she only found out because she followed him. She had never gotten a chance to confront him on it, however. To these people, who had maybe known him for two months, for him to reveal such a secret was almost beyond her reasoning. Then the real truth came crashing down on her. The last new moon had been two weeks ago! But when she glanced out the window, there was no moon in the sky. The pieces finally started adding up, and she sighed. "This isn't the day after the battle, is it?"
There was a general shaking of heads. Inuyasha pouted in a corner, awaiting the dawn.
"How long have I been asleep?" she asked, resigned.
"Two weeks," the monk said.
Kikyo nodded. That was why they had been so worried. She should have expected as much. She herself had slept for three days when her own powers had awakened. This time she not only had to force another's powers to mature from a great distance, but she was getting fragmented memories of Kagome's own exploits on that fateful day. Still, there was something bothering her about the amount of time she had slept, some responsibility she was forgetting.
"Oh, no!" she cried, the realization coming quickly. Once again, she stood up too fast and almost fell down. Recovering her balance, she headed for the door.
"Wait!" Inuyasha was in front of her. "Where are you going?"
"The soldiers at the shrine," she explained quickly. When all she got was confused stares, she said, "I had a hospital of sorts at a small shrine. I treated mainly soldiers, but sometimes I received accident victims. It wasn't much, but I was only supposed to be gone one night! I need to get back to them!"
"You're not going anywhere tonight." The female exterminator silenced any protests she might have made with a glance. "It is senseless to travel blind in the night. Rest now, and in the morning, Kohaku and I will take Kirara and see if there is anybody left. We can bring them here."
Kikyo would have protested, but she felt her knees tremble beneath her. As gracefully as possible she walked back to the fire and sat down. She honestly didn't know why she was so concerned. She really hadn't cared about the soldiers before. They were just something she was doing while she waited for a chance to kill Naraku. Yet this new body seemed to come with a full range of emotions. She found that she was feeling more in the afternoon that she had been awake than she had in the months she had been 'alive' before.
"Smart choice," the girl said. "That's my best friend's body you have," she continued with barely concealed hostility, "and I'm not about to let you run it ragged."
The monk decided to break the tense silence with a discrete cough. "What's a hospital?" he asked when Kikyo turned to him.
The miko blinked, but then remembered that she had used the word in her earlier rant. "It... it's a word used in Kagome's time," she said, trying to work it out, "for a place of healing. Doctor's congregate there, especially to treat accidents, but there aren't any mikos or monks. Well, there are, but they don't do any healing, and... I'm not making any sense, am I?"
"I think we got the general idea, onee-sama." Kaede said as she handed her a bowl. "Right now you need to build up some strength. You have two weeks to catch up on."
Kikyo smiled as she watched her sister hand bowls to everyone else. The smile faded when Kaede handed two bowls to the monk. She suddenly noticed what, or rather who, was missing from the hut. "Where's the fox?"
Everyone tensed. The monk had stood and was not frozen. Slowly, he began to move again, carrying his two bowls over to a corner that Kikyo had overlooked. There, tucked up in what the Kagome in her mind told her, was a sleeping bag lay the fox kit. He made no move to recognize the monk, only continued to stare blankly at nothing, his hands nervously picking at the blanket. Kikyo frowned as the monk tried to get the child to eat, without success.
She didn't understand. The kit had chosen to die. It would make sense to try and save the fire cat, or Inuyasha, who were powerful in battle, but the fox? She shook her head and returned to her meal, ignoring the voice in her head that said that youkai should be judged for more than their use in battle, that there were other reasons to preserve their lives.
* * *
The next two weeks passed in somewhat of a blur. It took barely three days for the news to get out that 'Kikyo-sama' had taken up another shrine when its miko had been killed. When it did, the wounded came in droves. She couldn't do much at first because of her own health, but by the end of the third week her days were filled with the care of the wounded. She managed to save most of them through a combination of her own healing talent and Kagome's knowledge from the future. She had an unexpected ally in the exterminator's brother, who was extremely quiet, but quick to follow orders and had a soft touch. By the second week, when she saw the joy return to his face, she realized that Kohaku had a healer's soul, and began to teach him what she knew. It pained her to think what Naraku had put this child through, and she wanted to help heal his soul. So, between care of the wounded and Kohaku's lessons, her days were very busy.
The nights were a different matter. During the day she could pretend. She was needed, and her help was vital. But when she trudged back to the hut at the end of the day, the memories surfaced. That hut wasn't supposed to be that quiet. The girl's eyes weren't supposed to look that lost. The monk's hands were supposed to stray. Inuyasha wasn't supposed to prefer the trees to the hut at night. But most disturbing of all, was the silent little corner, where a small youkai sat, staring into nothing, waiting for someone who wasn't coming back.
In the first week he would disappear at times, and someone would be sent to the well. He would inevitably be there, having jumped to the bottom. By the second week he was too weak to even make the attempt. The monk had not been able to get him to eat. Kikyo was getting worried. Normally a youkai could go for several months on minimal food, but he was so young. Something would have to be done soon.
One day, towards the end of the second week, she felt several youkai passing to the east of the village. These were fairly peaceful, unlike some of the others that the monk and the exterminator had gone to finish off. The death of Naraku had left a power void that several youkai were in the process of scrambling for. Apparently, these youkai were moving on to better territory. Among them was a fox youkai pair that Kagome had talked to in a very confusing section of her memories. Kikyo called to them and explained the situation with the kit. They agreed to come and take a look. Kikyo told them to come that night, so as not to scare the villagers.
"What's wrong, Kikyo-sama?" Kohaku asked
Kikyo blinked. Belatedly realizing that she had paused in the middle of bandaging some man in order to talk to the youkai, she smiled. "Nothing's wrong," she said. "I just received some hope."
The rest of the day passed in a blur. Kikyo was sure, that if someone were to ask her on a later day what she had done for the rest of the day, she would not be able to answer. She just seemed to jump from one place and time to another. The fox pair arrived just as they were finishing dinner. Out of respect for the villagers, they did not arrive with the fanfare that had heralded their first visit. Kikyo merely sensed their presence and lay down her dishes.
Picking up the kit, she led the way outside. "Here he is," she called to the waiting foxes. "Take him."
"What the hell are you doing!" Inuyasha demanded.
"Giving him away," Kikyo responded.
"How dare you?" cried the exterminator.
"Shippo will stay with us," the monk seconded.
"And he will die within a week," Kikyo said. "I am saving his life!"
"He has twice lost those he would call parents?" the male fox said to disrupt the argument.
"Yes," Kikyo said. "But the second was barely a month ago. You should be able to care for him."
The female was already shaking her head. "A kit twice lost is lost forever," she said. "Especially one so young. He will die, unless you find some way to bring the parents back. Illusions sometimes work, but never for long."
"Damn it, Kikyo," Inuyasha said. "Put Shippo back in the hut. We can take care of him."
"No, you can't!" Kikyo said desperately. "He's dying!"
"The female should not show such disrespect," the male fox said to Inuyasha. "As pack leader, you should punish her."
"Pack?" Kikyo spat, her emotions running high. "I am not a part of any youkai's pack."
There was a general pause as the foxes regarded her. "No," said the male finally. "No, you are not, yet you still protect the kit." With that parting shot they were gone.
Kikyo thrust the fox into Inuyasha's arms and stalked off. Almost as soon as she was out of the other's sight, she was bombarded with memories. Happier times flashed through her mind's eye, too quickly to really see. One thing was clear, though. Every memory featured the fox, smiling and happy. Kikyo groaned and clutched her head.
"I tried!" she cried. "What more do you want from me?"
Her only response was an increase in the speed of the memories. The Kagome in her brain did not want Shippo to die, and honestly, Kikyo didn't want the fox to go either. But her solution did not work. What more could the girl ask of her?
The next day was hell. The memories forced their way through in everything she did. Apparently whatever part of her that was still Kagome was getting desperate. It distracted her during meals, prayers, even during her work on the patients. On top of everything else, a storm was brewing, and she needed to move everyone to shelter. By the time she got back to the hut that night she was exhausted.
The thunder started midway through dinner. No rain yet, but it would happen soon. At the first peal the fox jumped, and by the second he was screaming for Kagome. None of the others could console him. He wanted Kagome and he wanted her right now. Kikyo finally left, unable to stand it any longer.
Almost immediately the memories hit full force, demanding that she go back inside.
"What good can I do in there?" Kikyo said as she sat on the bridge outside the hut.
A memory: Kagome cuddling Shippo at night.
"Hmph," she snorted, "He wants you, not me."
Another: Inuyasha mistaking Kagome for Kikyo, especially when she was in miko robes.
"The kit's smarter than that," Kikyo said. "Even Inuyasha wasn't fooled for long. Why'd the kid go berserk in any case?"
Yet another: Two youkai that utilized lightning, one that wore a fox pelt around his waist.
"His father?" asked Kikyo, suddenly curious.
Memory: Blue fox flame, in the shape of a proud male, protecting both kit and Kagome.
"Alright," she said. "But that still doesn't explain why it has to be me. Why not Inuyasha?"
A montage: Inuyasha bonking the kit on the head, chasing after him, holding him up by his tail.
"Fine, fine," Kikyo said. "I'll do something. Shut up and let me think."
She went to the shrine, hoping to calm her nerves and rather desperate for a solution. The kit wasn't stupid. She knew that if she went in there and tried to comfort him he would reject her. That, and she'd probably get hit by one or more weapons. So she spent the time walking up the steps to review what she knew.
Fox youkai were tricksters by nature. Generally pleasure seekers, a male could be tempted by an attractive female. Once caught, one arrow would be enough to... no, that was not the kind of information she was looking for.
Their illusions were very good, even when young, better than a tanuki's. They often utilized illusions within illusions, so one has to be patient in order to trap their real selves. Once seen through, it takes time for them to develop another illusion, so a shot could be taken... NO! That wouldn't help either. All her information was about death and killing, not preserving life.
A memory: Kagome holding Shippo as he cried.
Kikyo sighed. That wouldn't WORK!
Fox youkai possess traits of the animals they come from, such as keen hearing and eyesight, as well as a highly developed sense of... smell! THAT just might work!
She ran to the grave, where Kagome's backpack still stood vigil. She rummaged through it, grabbing a uniform and some bathing supplies. The wind picked up, bringing with it the fresh sent of rain. The thunder rumbled, and she quickly ran to the river and took the shortest bath in recorded history. Changing into the uniform, she ran back to the hut, appearing in the door, her hair flying wet and free, just as the storm broke. The fox was still screaming.
"Shippo-chan?" she said. "What's wrong?"
The hut was dead silent.
"KAGOME!" the kit cried, launching himself at her. "I knew you would come back!"
"Shippo-chan, you're so light," Kikyo said. "You need to eat some more." 'Might as well save the kit while we're comforting him,' she thought.
The kit nodded, sobbing, but refused to leave her. She ended up with him on her lap, spoon feeding him his first meal in a little under a month. The effort exhausted him, and he fell asleep shortly thereafter. The others were still staring at her in disbelief.
"Ka-Kagome-chan?" the exterminator finally ventured.
Kikyo shook her head no, refusing to look up from the kit. After two weeks of barely restrained hostility, she didn't want to look at their faces. "He needed to eat," she offered as an explanation, "but would only eat from her hand. I am merely providing that hand."
"And what happens tomorrow, when he wakes to find you there instead of her?" the monk asked.
"I'll deal with that tomorrow, but for now he won't die by next week," she said, quietly defiant, but still refusing to meet their gaze.
She stayed like that, looking at the kit and absently stroking his fur, until the others all went to bed. Inuyasha was the last to go, waiting until the storm had blown over before going to sleep in a tree. She stood, carrying the kit, and gazed out upon the stars.
"I don't get it," she finally said to the child in her arms. "You are a youkai, so by all rights I, as a miko, should shoot you. But something in me won't let that happen. And don't say that it's Kagome," she snorted, "because that would be lying. I could have let you scream. In a week you would be dead, and I would not have to lift a finger." She sighed, "No, it was me. I called the foxes. I put on this ridiculous piece of clothing. I just don't get why. It's like I want her to come back."
Kikyo trailed off, thinking for a moment, then chuckled quietly, slightly disturbing the kit in her arms. "You are an idiot, Kagome," she said. "An idiot for leaving all of this. He might have loved me... once. But I never stood a chance once you stood up to him and pulled that arrow out. You are the heart of this group, and they are falling apart without you." She looked at Shippo, resting in her arms. "Just you wait," she told him as he stirred restlessly. "I'll do everything in my power to bring her back."
* * *
"Kikyo-sama! Kikyo-sama!"
Kikyo turned to find the little girl running to her as fast as she could. "Rin-chan! You're late this week!"
"Rin knows! But Sesshomaru-sama is here, and says that this better be the last time." Rin said, panting. "Rin is not sure if she can convince Sesshomaru-sama to come again!"
Kikyo sighed. "Then we shall just have to hope that this week will be the week!" Rin nodded enthusiastically, and they headed to the well.
She had woken up the day after the storm to find a completely changed Shippo. He had apparently heard her the night before, and was going to hold her to her promise. Not an easy task when the rest of the people they were living with hated her. She had thought the practice hopeless, for her one idea involved finding the exact date of the first final battle, and that involved going repeatedly to the no man's land of the well. The first time she had tried Inuyasha had practically thrown her out.
She had not counted on the resourcefulness of the fox. Shippo had noticed, when Sesshomaru had come to fight, that Inuyasha didn't respond as before. When Sesshomaru left in disgust, he followed. Then the little imp proposed that Sesshomaru come back once a week, to distract Inuyasha and give Kikyo time to check out the well. If Kikyo's idea worked, Kagome would be back, and Inuyasha would fight harder. It was a simple bargain, but it worked.
Carefully avoiding the loud fight, the two coconspirators arrived at the well. Kikyo gasped. She could see the steady pink glow from the well bursting forth. Turning to Rin, she said, "You didn't come a day too late. Go tell your Sesshomaru-sama that this was the right week, and the plan will be put in place. Ask him to come back tomorrow."
"OK!" the child yelled as she ran back to the fight.
Kikyo took a deep breath and jumped. She had never experienced a flight through the well before, and she was a little nervous. She had Kagome's memories to rely on, but that was nothing compared to the real experience. The lights, pink and blue, seemed to caress her and she hurtled through nothing. She had barely opened her mouth to scream before landing softly on the other side. Once down there, she paused and felt the energies of the well, determined to figure out what was causing that pink light. In her experience only one thing did that, and that was....yes! There it was. The Shikon no Tama burst forth from where it had been trapped for five months, in the timeless space in the middle of the well. Kikyo smiled. This was the cause of the time loop. She quickly replaced it, hoping that it could still work.
Once she had replaced the jewel, she climbed slowly out of the well. Exiting the well house, the first thing she saw was a woman, who stared at her in shock. Kikyo searched through Kagome's memory for a name and rolled her eyes. She couldn't very well call this person 'Mama', could she?
"Higarashi-san," she said for lack of a better term. "As much as I look it, I am not your daughter."
The woman nodded. "I think I knew that already," she said. "Where is my daughter, and why hasn't she come back for three months?"
"Ma'm," Kikyo said, and froze. She hadn't the heart to tell Inuyasha that Kagome was dead, so how could she tell her mother?
"Let's go inside," Higarashi said. "I'll make some tea and you can tell me the whole story.
And so, over tea, the whole story came pouring out. She left out the parts Kagome had left out of her rendition, but in general the story remained the same. Once she had brought the woman up to the present with the first version of events, she began to get a little shaky. She didn't fully understand the last part of the story, but knew it had something to do with the well being broken. She pieced together that story as well as she could.
"And so it comes to this," She finally said. "Three months ago your daughter did something that I'm not even sure I could do. It was the single most selfless and brave act I have ever seen. She took my body, the one made of clay, and confronted Naraku. She managed to kill him, but died in the process. I have been trying since then to go through the well to tell you this, and to give you some hope."
"Hope?" came a querulous voice from the door. "You have just told me that my granddaughter is dead. What hope have we?"
"More than you might think," Kikyo responded. "I told you that she died in the past, but it is my belief that this has happened before. During one of her jumps in the time loop, she confronted me and shot at me. I am an excellent shot with the bow, and I defended myself. When my life is on the line, I never miss, and from her memory I was shooting to kill. It is my belief that the Shikon jewel preserved her and put her back at the beginning of the loop in order for it to be pulled from the well. It is the only explanation that makes sense under the circumstances, because she did live past that incident."
She turned back to the mother, who seemed more reasonable than the frowning man behind her. "I believe that the jewel will do the same thing again, and some time tonight or early this morning your daughter's soul should appear. I intend to be there to merge it again with this body, where it belongs."
Higarashi nodded, and offered her some room to stay while she waited. Kikyo politely refused, asking where Kagome's room was, so that she might prepare. Once there, she sat at the girl's desk and brought out the journal. If...no, when this worked, Kagome would want to know what had happened and how to fix the time loop.
Late into the night she wrote, her meditation for the long vigil. She tried to stay awake, not wanting to miss the return of Kagome's soul, but she finally fell asleep at the desk, the months of worry taking over.
And in the dark before the dawn, she began to softly glow, as what once was lost returned home.
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So it looks like I scared everybody last time. Sorry, won't do that again. (At least until the real end, that is)
A/N: Longest chapter to date! (At least with Inuyasha fics, I have one 26 page Fushigi Yuugi chapter...) And only one more chapter to go! That's right, folks, all that remains of this story is an epilogue. (I told ya not to worry, I am an Inu/Kag fan.)
Not only did this chapter take forever to write and get right, first ff.net was down, and then my word program encountered a fatal error.....GRRRR! Everything goes against me!
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Review responses:
Fanfiction.net
Ghoul King: GAH!! Don't eat me!!!! This chapter took at least four major rewrites, so that's why it's a little late! Seriously, I am glad you like it. Does this save me from slaughtering?
Alden Hawke: Were your questions answered here? Sorry you had to wait a little longer this time.
Sammyosa92: Nope, not the end. Next part's the end.
Aamelie: Evil is my trade mark, but it will all end up happily in the end! I hope I got the next chapter out "son" enough for you! :)
Jao-jao: Already emailed ya!
Kaagome: Never fear! Inu/Kag fluff coming soon!!!
Mockingbird917: *Bows and scrapes* I'm sorry! I'm sorry! (Geeze, I seem to be doing a lot of apologizing in these notes.
Media Miner:
Aditu: I am glad that you are just a kind and gentle reader, because I got some semi flames on ff.net! I was right, this chapter gave me major difficulties, and that's why it is so late. Grrrr, stupid Kikyo. You know, if I didn't like her so much I would really hate her. She's an enormously difficult character to write!
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That's all for now!
WS