InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Forget Me Not ❯ Inuyasha’s side ( Chapter 4 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: SplendentGoddess 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 06.23.2011 | Pages: 2 | Words: 4.6K | Visits: 3.5K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 06.23.2011 | Pages: 2 | Words: 4.6K | Visits: 3.5K | Status: Completed
Blanket Disclaimer:
Inuyasha, and the characters therein, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am in no way affiliated with Takahashi, or VIZ Productions.
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Chapter 4 – Inuyasha’s side
Pulling himself out of that bed had to have been the hardest thing he’d ever done in his entire life. He’d rather fight Naraku and Sesshoumaru at the same time with his bare hands, and naked. Glancing at the sleeping beauty that rested peacefully beside him, her arms wrapping unconsciously around a pillow in response to his sudden absence, he felt his heart break into a thousand tiny pieces. He had wanted this too, and he would not regret it. In fact, he did not regret his night with Kagome. It was leaving her now that he regretted. Heading silently toward the window, Inuyasha decided he would leave before she woke, knowing that there was no way in Hell he could leave her were she awake, begging him not to go. Even if she didn’t say the words, her tears would be begging him to stay, and that’d be all the encouragement he’d need. But he couldn’t stay, any more than she could stay in his time. This was simply how it was meant to be. Taking a moment to carve the phrase he knew he would never allow himself to say out loud, to anyone, he silently bound off into the quiet dawn.
Returning to the Feudal era was awkward with everyone inquiring as to what had taken him so long to return, when he’d originally left with the pretence that he was merely going to see Kagome safely to her side of time and be right back. The way Shippou glared at him guaranteed that the young kit knew precisely why he was so late, but thankfully, the child knew enough to keep his mouth shut.
“Inuyasha,” Kikyou started, getting right down to business, “I have been waiting for you.”
His ears lowered to his head in sudden guilt, and confusion. Had he betrayed Kikyou with Kagome, or was he now betraying Kagome with Kikyou? Who did his heart tell him he was betraying? Before he had time to decide on the answer, the undead miko before him presented him with the jewel.
That’s right, he was going to bring Kikyou back to life with the jewel, Kagome’s idea. Why hadn’t he thought of that himself? Because…because Kagome was supposed to be rightful guardian of the jewel, and he had told her long ago that he no longer had any desire to use it to become a full-youkai, which had translated in his mind into him not having much interest in the jewel whatsoever. It was hers to do with as she pleased. Of course, that was mainly because he had been planning on leaving with Kikyou to Hell. But now…instead of dying for her death, she was to be restored to the living, wiping his debt clean. He certainly wouldn’t owe her his life if she were getting her own life returned to her. And the whole thing had been Kagome’s idea! That fact baffled him to no end. How could she so willingly leave him, never to see him again, while at the same time delivering a living, flesh and blood Kikyou into his life?
Because, he reminded himself, She said she would do it, to know that I was still alive, as well.
Inuyasha made himself a new vow then and there, that he would some day, some how, see Kagome again. If the well wouldn’t let him pass after the jewel was gone, then…then he’d just have to live long enough to make it to her time the old fashioned way.
“Let’s get this over with.” he finally spoke up after a moment, nobody really taken aback by his sudden attitude, all things considered.
It was only a few hours later, that very same day, when everyone gathered at the base of the Goshinboku. What was once going to take place over fifty years ago was now finally going to come to be, except it was now merely somebody else whom they were going to turn human with the power of the jewel. Kaede, and even Miroku, helped Kikyou to ensure that the jewel was completely purified, though it turned out Kagome had done her job well, as no speck of darkness could be detected within it. Still, they meditated nonetheless, for not only did the jewel have to be vacant of any darkness, but so did their own hearts. Inuyasha had the toughest time of any of them, but he managed to find his peace in that he knew this was what Kagome had wanted. Well, not really what she had wanted, but it had been her decision that this was what was to take place. He had to find some tranquility in that. He had to make sure that nothing backfired with his wish, for Kagome’s sake, otherwise her sacrifice would have been for not.
When the moment came, he and Kikyou concentrated over the jewel together, hands clasped between them. Holding the bobble as they prayed, everyone offered their mental support in a semi-circle around them. They too were supporting this event because it had been Kagome’s wish that they do so.
The jewel glowed brightly, and levitated from their grasp, surprising everyone, including Inuyasha and Kikyou, who hadn’t honestly known what to expect. It glowed brighter and brighter, floating higher and higher, until suddenly, it burst. Not into shards like how it had when Kagome had struck it with her arrow way back when, but rather, into dust. The shimmering powder descended upon Kikyou’s form, and before everyone’s eyes, she took her first, startled breath.
The sound of her gasp startled everyone else in turn, when they suddenly realized that she was actually breathing. In his natural instinct to protect her, Inuyasha lunged forward, catching Kikyou as she fell, asking frantically if she was all right. Raising a hand to her own face, she wiped away a tear rather hypnotically, as though she couldn’t honestly believe that her eyes had produced such a thing, as she whispered in astonishment, “More than all right…”
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Inuyasha felt torn. He didn’t know what was expected of him, nor did he honestly know how he felt. Part of him loved Kagome…a big part, but yet, at the same time…he still held some sort of feelings toward Kikyou. He needed time to think.
The days ticked by slowly as everything around him gradually started to go back to normal. Sango slapped Miroku, Shippou played pranks on the villagers, and Kikyou assisted Kaede with her duties… Okay, so that last part was not normal, but he supposed that it would be from now on.
He knew everyone wanted him to stay with them at Kaede’s, but he simply could not bring himself to enter the old miko’s home, not yet. For one thing, the hut still smelled too strongly of Kagome, and while one might think that that would actually be a comforting thing, it really wasn’t. It only served to remind him of what he didn’t have, and while he didn’t want to forget about her, he couldn’t stand the constant reminder, either. For another thing, he couldn’t yet feel comfortable with the idea of being so close to Kikyou. His feelings were mixed up enough as it was, and smelling her scent along side Kagome’s, he knew, would only make matters worse. He tried to convince himself that he would in fact still see Kagome again, one day, planning on beating the odds to make it back to her time the old fashioned way regardless of how hard life became for him. He couldn’t start thinking about Kikyou if he was planning on seeing Kagome again one day, could he? On the other hand, even if he did make it back to Kagome’s time the long way around, it was going to be…hard…to pass the time by himself the whole time. Five hundred years was a long time to wait. He was sure Kagome wouldn’t want him to spend all of that time alone and miserable…right?
It’s too fucking confusing… he thought then, shaking his head to clear it of his jumbled thoughts.
He already knew that he couldn’t see her again before then, if he were in truth ever going to see her again at all. He had already tried the well, and had discovered that Kagome had been right; the well really had rejected him. He had tried it that very first night, only to land unceremoniously at the bottom. For a time he had contemplated simply staying down there, amongst all the bones of youkai gone before him, but a familiar voice had pulled him from his growing despair.
“Inuyasha…” Kikyou had called down to him, “She would not want to observe you like this.” she’d admonished, “Had it not been Kagome’s desire that you remain living? Sitting and awaiting death would not honor her sacrifice.”
Her words had succeeded in getting him out of the well, but based on the look of surprise that had been on her face, she had not been expecting his anger. He’d told her off, to put it mildly, though his anger had not really been directed towards Kikyou alone, as even Kagome’s memory had not been spared from his wrath.
“I should have just gone with you to Hell!” he had shouted irrationally, “What the fuck was Kagome thinking, suggesting something so stupid?!?!”
He’d then stomped around before finally turning to face her, but Kikyou had held her ground, not flinching in the slightest as he yelled out, “How the hell am I supposed to go on ‘living’ without her?!”
He had gasped then, realizing what he’d just said, and to whom, for the first time feeling guilty regarding Kikyou’s own feelings in this whole mess. He had immediately tried to apologize, but she had just shaken her head, telling him with her eyes that his outburst had been understandable. She knew he needed to get his anger out of his system were he ever going to start the healing process.
“Her decision surprised me as well.” the formerly undead miko had admitted quietly after a moment, once she’d sensed from him that it was okay to speak. “But do you know what it shows me, Inuyasha?” she’d asked next, forcing him to meet her eyes with his own, as he’d slowly shook his head in the negative. “It shows me just how much she truly loves you.” Kikyou had said, merely a whisper, knowing the hanyou would hear her.
His eyes had opened wide at her words, surprised to hear Kikyou admit such a thing so easily. His cheeks had darkened as thoughts of just how much Kagome had loved him returned unbidden to the forefront of his mind
“I…we…” Unable to complete his confession aloud, he had lowered his eyes away from her gaze, not in shame but in guilt, unable to admit out loud what Kikyou’s eyes had assured him in that moment she had already surmised on her own.
“I know…” she’d answered quietly, confirming her knowledge. “It’s all right.” she’d assured him next, reaching forward and hesitantly taking his hand.
Inuyasha had been startled. As far as he was able to recall that had been the first time…ever…that Kikyou had initiated physical contact between them. At least while she was alive, with no ulterior motives. The time she had tripped didn’t count.
“I shall not ask you to forget her.” she’d stated next, giving his hand a small squeeze. She’d then smiled a genuine smile when she’d felt Inuyasha hesitantly squeeze her hand in return.
“Let’s go home.” she’d murmured at last, and go home he had, though not to Kaede’s hut. Rather, he had spent that night in the branches of the Goshinboku. Kikyou had understood his desire for solitude, though, and had not pushed the issue. It wasn’t terribly long before life in the village eventually returned to business as usual.
As the days slowly turned into weeks, Kikyou acclimated herself to the concept of once again being alive. Kaede, never one to turn away her own sister, had assured her that she could remain indefinitely. The younger miko was quickly returning to the Kikyou she had once been, Kaede observed, as her sister was no longer ruled by the forces of darkness that had animated her false body of clay. Even while still walking the earth as the living dead, Kikyou had slowly been returning to her old self, her natural purity overriding her deep seeded feelings of hatred. Now, those feelings of hatred seemed to have completely vanished. She was happy she had been given a second chance at life, and no longer rued the existence of a miko. Kaede did not miss the occasional glances her sister would cast in Inuyasha’s direction, but the younger miko seemed to understand that the hanyou needed some space. What her exact feelings were for Inuyasha any more, Kaede couldn’t be sure, but if things ended up developing between the two of them she would give the couple her blessing. It pained her to see Inuyasha continue to mourn the loss of Kagome. They all missed the future-born miko, though she knew beyond a doubt that Inuyasha missed her more than anyone else, but still, Kagome was gone…it was time to move on.
Life was definitely progressing for the other members of the inu-tachi; Miroku was quick to work with the village carpenter to start construction on a hut for himself and Sango. Feeling sorry for his friend, he openly offered Inuyasha use of said hut once it was completed, but the hanyou politely declined. Well, what was polite for him, anyway, as his actual words were, “Feh, don’t be stupid. Like I really wanna hear an’ smell you and Sango going at it every night.”
Sango blushed deeply at Inuyasha’s bluntness while Miroku merely shook his head in exasperation with a slightly lecherous smirk on his lips, before quickly assuring their friend that regardless of how uncomfortable it might make him feel, he would forever have an open invitation to stay in their home. Despite outwardly brushing off the houshi’s words, Inuyasha was honestly touched by the gesture.
After the house was completed, the hanyou did end up taking them up on their offer during a couple of heavy rainstorms, and of course during his human nights, but overall he continued to spend the majority of his time in forest that bore his name.
Spending his days, and most nights, in the branches of the Goshinboku, the hanyou developed a routine of silently praying for the tree to reconnect him with Kagome, as it had done for them once in the past, but the tree of ages never granted his request.
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Weeks gradually turned into months, and eventually the pain subsided until it was merely a dull ache that Inuyasha could, for the most part, ignore. To keep himself busy he assisted Miroku with ridding the occasional village of a troublesome youkai or two, and he always kept a close eye on little Shippou, knowing that Kagome would have wanted it that way. It wasn’t really like he’d adopted the runt, but he supposed the roll of big brother was appropriate enough. The kit officially ‘lived’ with Kaede and Kikyou, Shippou also wishing to give the newly married pair their privacy, though he spent more time than not either training with the other kitsune or silently hanging out with Inuyasha in his forest. The two had come to a sort of understanding over time. Shippou wouldn’t speak of Kagome, and Inuyasha wouldn’t bop him on the head.
But Shippou always returned to Kaede’s hut at night, having been thoroughly spoiled when it came to sleeping within the warmth of a bedroll, next to a blazing fire. Inuyasha had a sinking suspicion that it was merely trickery on his part, to get him to return to the village, when Shippou had cried out one night, claiming that he’d had a nightmare about the village coming under attack. He whined that he was scared, knowing that Inuyasha was sooooooooo far away in the forest, and what if something happened???? The hanyou had Feh’d, but had allowed Shippou to lure him back, regardless, as slowly but surely, he started spending his nights upon the roof of Kaede’s hut…ya know…just in case. At least Kagome’s scent had faded by that point.
As for Kikyou, it was like she had finally been granted the life she had wanted all along, all the suffering she’d gone through having apparently been enough penance for the fates to grant her this one, true wish. She still possessed her miko powers, and she assisted Kaede with her village duties, but without the responsibility of protecting the Sacred Jewel, Kikyou was also more or less free to live the life of a ‘normal’ woman. She was no longer fighting for her life on a daily basis, and she was now able to spare herself moments of time with which to simply be…Kikyou. She still held feelings for Inuyasha, though the two of them had yet to discuss anything even remotely along those lines. She was sure that a part of him still loved her as well, though it was clear that the bulk of his heart now belonged solely to her reincarnation. Part of her still couldn’t fathom the selflessness of that girl. While she herself had always insisted that Inuyasha belonged to her, and she had harbored every intention of taking him with her into Hell, with or without his consent, that girl had loved him so much that she had willingly given him up. Kikyou often asked herself if she could have done the same thing, were the situation reversed, and she always found, with a slight twinge of pain in her heart, that the answer was no.
Wandering through the woods one evening, the revived miko came to a stop at the Goshinboku, a seemingly sleeping Inuyasha resting in its branches. Though something told her that he was aware of her presence, merely feigning sleep as a means of avoiding confrontation. While he had reluctantly started sleeping upon their roof at night, mainly just to assure the kitsune child that he would be there to protect them should danger actually strike, he still spent the vast majority of his days in the sacred tree, unless there was a youkai-slaying mission he could go on with Miroku to burn off some stored up energy. Gazing up at his still form in that moment, her heart went out to him, it truly did. She longed to be the one to heal his soul, the one he confided in. He was lonelier now than she had ever known him to be, and she hoped that one day he would allow her to be there for him, as she so desired. She wanted to make him happy.
Stepping away from where he rested, Kikyou headed over towards the Bone Eater’s Well, curiosity getting the better of her as she’d never before actually touched the thing. Carefully gripping the edge of the wood, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the lingering aura of magic she still felt surrounding this place. Just as she’d thought… While the jewel had granted power to those otherwise powerless to activate the portal, the portal itself still remained, however faintly. This well had been constructed with wood from the Goshinboku, after all, a tree of ages. It was by the tree’s will that this time portal even existed, the Shikon no Tama not truly having had anything to do with its creation. Living through all of time simultaneously, the Goshinboku knew much. It was no accident that Kagome had been pulled through the well right when she had been, or ‘when’ she had ended up on the other side. However, the jewel had been what’d allowed Kagome to more or less force her way through time like that. The Goshinboku must have known what it was doing, needing Kagome to return to their time with the jewel to correct the mistakes of the past. One could argue that the shattering of the jewel had been Kagome’s own mistake, but Kikyou wasn’t so sure any more, considering that she never would have been granted a second chance at life had the Shikon not been shattered. But now Kagome’s mission in their world was finally completed, so the Goshinboku had to have a way to lock the door on Kagome, and having designed the well to function with the power of the jewel, like a key unlocking said door, was what now prevented Kagome from getting through. The time portal wasn’t dead, merely locked. Anyone with enough power could probably still force their way through, whether it was the will of the Goshinboku or not. Kikyou realized in that moment that she would probably be able to open it herself, at least once. Such a feat might possibly drain her of her miko powers completely, not that she supposed she truly needed her powers any more since she had given up active duty as a miko aside from assisting Kaede with some small things from time to time. It was no longer her desire to be a warrior, to slay youkai. Her days of killing were behind her. But it mattered not…if she could more easily open the portal for Inuyasha to visit with her reincarnation as he pleased, Kikyou conceded that, perhaps, she would be willing to grant him such a favor, but such was not the case. She was certain that if she could do it at all that she could only do it once, and what would be the point in that? Upon departing from Kagome the second time he truly would be locked away from her forever. Inuyasha and the future-born miko had already said their goodbyes, so it would be best to just leave it at that, then. There was no sense in opening old wounds by offering him a second final goodbye. What was done was done, mission accomplished. Everything was as it should be.
And yet…glancing back towards the Goshinboku, catching a tiny speck of red among the green, indicating Inuyasha had not moved from his perch, Kikyou could not help but to wonder if this was truly how things were supposed to have turned out. But turning and walking away from the well nonetheless, the miko decided in that moment that it was simply not her place to play with destiny. Kagome had made this decision, not her, and she wasn’t about to complain. Not one bit. Offering one last glance in Inuyasha’s direction, she silently made her way back towards her sister’s hut. She knew he would follow her shortly; it was getting dark out, after all.
Inuyasha waited until he could no longer scent her on the breeze, or hear her soft footfalls upon the grass, before he slowly opened his eyes. He was torturing himself, as well as Kikyou, and he knew it. How many times had he run off to see her while Kagome had still been traveling at his side? And now, Kagome had practically given Kikyou to him, and he avoided her. He wondered what Kikyou had tried to accomplish with the well. Was she trying to see if any power still remained? He had already tried to get through…repeatedly as a matter of fact, not having given up after only one single try…and he knew for a fact that it was a lost cause. He appreciated that Kikyou had apparently been curious about the portal, herself, but it was obvious to him that the time slip was dead.
It was quite clear now that he wouldn’t be seeing Kagome again, or at least, not any time soon. Whatever would happen five centuries from now would happen five centuries from now, but in the mean time, there was somebody else he should be thinking about. With one last glance back towards the well, he finally whispered the words he’d never had the stomach to say before that very moment.
“Goodbye…Kagome…”
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Slowly but surely, Inuyasha eventually reincorporated himself within the village, receiving nothing but positive feedback at his decision to do so. Kaede welcomed him into her home with open arms, but he still insisted that the arrangement was temporary; he would be building himself his own small hut within the village. He didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, living under somebody else’s roof, although he could also admit how he’d be much more able to protect the village were he actually within its borders at all times. Especially considering that with Sango carrying Miroku’s child, Inuyasha would be the village’s main source of protection were danger to strike, the ex-taijiya having no business doing battle in her current condition.
Six months after he’d slipped away from Kagome’s room, and her life forever, his hut was complete, as he sat, staring into the fire pit, Shippou curled up into a little ball not three feet away, as a silent statement that Inuyasha was not alone.
Why should I be? he questioned himself. Kagome’s sacrifice was made so that I could live, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. She knew what she was doing… he realized, when she had first made the suggestion that they use the jewel to restore Kikyou to life. She knew that I would be here, alone…with Kikyou.
Finally, he decided that it was time for him and the restored miko to have a talk.
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Inuyasha, and the characters therein, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am in no way affiliated with Takahashi, or VIZ Productions.
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Chapter 4 – Inuyasha’s side
Pulling himself out of that bed had to have been the hardest thing he’d ever done in his entire life. He’d rather fight Naraku and Sesshoumaru at the same time with his bare hands, and naked. Glancing at the sleeping beauty that rested peacefully beside him, her arms wrapping unconsciously around a pillow in response to his sudden absence, he felt his heart break into a thousand tiny pieces. He had wanted this too, and he would not regret it. In fact, he did not regret his night with Kagome. It was leaving her now that he regretted. Heading silently toward the window, Inuyasha decided he would leave before she woke, knowing that there was no way in Hell he could leave her were she awake, begging him not to go. Even if she didn’t say the words, her tears would be begging him to stay, and that’d be all the encouragement he’d need. But he couldn’t stay, any more than she could stay in his time. This was simply how it was meant to be. Taking a moment to carve the phrase he knew he would never allow himself to say out loud, to anyone, he silently bound off into the quiet dawn.
Returning to the Feudal era was awkward with everyone inquiring as to what had taken him so long to return, when he’d originally left with the pretence that he was merely going to see Kagome safely to her side of time and be right back. The way Shippou glared at him guaranteed that the young kit knew precisely why he was so late, but thankfully, the child knew enough to keep his mouth shut.
“Inuyasha,” Kikyou started, getting right down to business, “I have been waiting for you.”
His ears lowered to his head in sudden guilt, and confusion. Had he betrayed Kikyou with Kagome, or was he now betraying Kagome with Kikyou? Who did his heart tell him he was betraying? Before he had time to decide on the answer, the undead miko before him presented him with the jewel.
That’s right, he was going to bring Kikyou back to life with the jewel, Kagome’s idea. Why hadn’t he thought of that himself? Because…because Kagome was supposed to be rightful guardian of the jewel, and he had told her long ago that he no longer had any desire to use it to become a full-youkai, which had translated in his mind into him not having much interest in the jewel whatsoever. It was hers to do with as she pleased. Of course, that was mainly because he had been planning on leaving with Kikyou to Hell. But now…instead of dying for her death, she was to be restored to the living, wiping his debt clean. He certainly wouldn’t owe her his life if she were getting her own life returned to her. And the whole thing had been Kagome’s idea! That fact baffled him to no end. How could she so willingly leave him, never to see him again, while at the same time delivering a living, flesh and blood Kikyou into his life?
Because, he reminded himself, She said she would do it, to know that I was still alive, as well.
Inuyasha made himself a new vow then and there, that he would some day, some how, see Kagome again. If the well wouldn’t let him pass after the jewel was gone, then…then he’d just have to live long enough to make it to her time the old fashioned way.
“Let’s get this over with.” he finally spoke up after a moment, nobody really taken aback by his sudden attitude, all things considered.
It was only a few hours later, that very same day, when everyone gathered at the base of the Goshinboku. What was once going to take place over fifty years ago was now finally going to come to be, except it was now merely somebody else whom they were going to turn human with the power of the jewel. Kaede, and even Miroku, helped Kikyou to ensure that the jewel was completely purified, though it turned out Kagome had done her job well, as no speck of darkness could be detected within it. Still, they meditated nonetheless, for not only did the jewel have to be vacant of any darkness, but so did their own hearts. Inuyasha had the toughest time of any of them, but he managed to find his peace in that he knew this was what Kagome had wanted. Well, not really what she had wanted, but it had been her decision that this was what was to take place. He had to find some tranquility in that. He had to make sure that nothing backfired with his wish, for Kagome’s sake, otherwise her sacrifice would have been for not.
When the moment came, he and Kikyou concentrated over the jewel together, hands clasped between them. Holding the bobble as they prayed, everyone offered their mental support in a semi-circle around them. They too were supporting this event because it had been Kagome’s wish that they do so.
The jewel glowed brightly, and levitated from their grasp, surprising everyone, including Inuyasha and Kikyou, who hadn’t honestly known what to expect. It glowed brighter and brighter, floating higher and higher, until suddenly, it burst. Not into shards like how it had when Kagome had struck it with her arrow way back when, but rather, into dust. The shimmering powder descended upon Kikyou’s form, and before everyone’s eyes, she took her first, startled breath.
The sound of her gasp startled everyone else in turn, when they suddenly realized that she was actually breathing. In his natural instinct to protect her, Inuyasha lunged forward, catching Kikyou as she fell, asking frantically if she was all right. Raising a hand to her own face, she wiped away a tear rather hypnotically, as though she couldn’t honestly believe that her eyes had produced such a thing, as she whispered in astonishment, “More than all right…”
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Inuyasha felt torn. He didn’t know what was expected of him, nor did he honestly know how he felt. Part of him loved Kagome…a big part, but yet, at the same time…he still held some sort of feelings toward Kikyou. He needed time to think.
The days ticked by slowly as everything around him gradually started to go back to normal. Sango slapped Miroku, Shippou played pranks on the villagers, and Kikyou assisted Kaede with her duties… Okay, so that last part was not normal, but he supposed that it would be from now on.
He knew everyone wanted him to stay with them at Kaede’s, but he simply could not bring himself to enter the old miko’s home, not yet. For one thing, the hut still smelled too strongly of Kagome, and while one might think that that would actually be a comforting thing, it really wasn’t. It only served to remind him of what he didn’t have, and while he didn’t want to forget about her, he couldn’t stand the constant reminder, either. For another thing, he couldn’t yet feel comfortable with the idea of being so close to Kikyou. His feelings were mixed up enough as it was, and smelling her scent along side Kagome’s, he knew, would only make matters worse. He tried to convince himself that he would in fact still see Kagome again, one day, planning on beating the odds to make it back to her time the old fashioned way regardless of how hard life became for him. He couldn’t start thinking about Kikyou if he was planning on seeing Kagome again one day, could he? On the other hand, even if he did make it back to Kagome’s time the long way around, it was going to be…hard…to pass the time by himself the whole time. Five hundred years was a long time to wait. He was sure Kagome wouldn’t want him to spend all of that time alone and miserable…right?
It’s too fucking confusing… he thought then, shaking his head to clear it of his jumbled thoughts.
He already knew that he couldn’t see her again before then, if he were in truth ever going to see her again at all. He had already tried the well, and had discovered that Kagome had been right; the well really had rejected him. He had tried it that very first night, only to land unceremoniously at the bottom. For a time he had contemplated simply staying down there, amongst all the bones of youkai gone before him, but a familiar voice had pulled him from his growing despair.
“Inuyasha…” Kikyou had called down to him, “She would not want to observe you like this.” she’d admonished, “Had it not been Kagome’s desire that you remain living? Sitting and awaiting death would not honor her sacrifice.”
Her words had succeeded in getting him out of the well, but based on the look of surprise that had been on her face, she had not been expecting his anger. He’d told her off, to put it mildly, though his anger had not really been directed towards Kikyou alone, as even Kagome’s memory had not been spared from his wrath.
“I should have just gone with you to Hell!” he had shouted irrationally, “What the fuck was Kagome thinking, suggesting something so stupid?!?!”
He’d then stomped around before finally turning to face her, but Kikyou had held her ground, not flinching in the slightest as he yelled out, “How the hell am I supposed to go on ‘living’ without her?!”
He had gasped then, realizing what he’d just said, and to whom, for the first time feeling guilty regarding Kikyou’s own feelings in this whole mess. He had immediately tried to apologize, but she had just shaken her head, telling him with her eyes that his outburst had been understandable. She knew he needed to get his anger out of his system were he ever going to start the healing process.
“Her decision surprised me as well.” the formerly undead miko had admitted quietly after a moment, once she’d sensed from him that it was okay to speak. “But do you know what it shows me, Inuyasha?” she’d asked next, forcing him to meet her eyes with his own, as he’d slowly shook his head in the negative. “It shows me just how much she truly loves you.” Kikyou had said, merely a whisper, knowing the hanyou would hear her.
His eyes had opened wide at her words, surprised to hear Kikyou admit such a thing so easily. His cheeks had darkened as thoughts of just how much Kagome had loved him returned unbidden to the forefront of his mind
“I…we…” Unable to complete his confession aloud, he had lowered his eyes away from her gaze, not in shame but in guilt, unable to admit out loud what Kikyou’s eyes had assured him in that moment she had already surmised on her own.
“I know…” she’d answered quietly, confirming her knowledge. “It’s all right.” she’d assured him next, reaching forward and hesitantly taking his hand.
Inuyasha had been startled. As far as he was able to recall that had been the first time…ever…that Kikyou had initiated physical contact between them. At least while she was alive, with no ulterior motives. The time she had tripped didn’t count.
“I shall not ask you to forget her.” she’d stated next, giving his hand a small squeeze. She’d then smiled a genuine smile when she’d felt Inuyasha hesitantly squeeze her hand in return.
“Let’s go home.” she’d murmured at last, and go home he had, though not to Kaede’s hut. Rather, he had spent that night in the branches of the Goshinboku. Kikyou had understood his desire for solitude, though, and had not pushed the issue. It wasn’t terribly long before life in the village eventually returned to business as usual.
As the days slowly turned into weeks, Kikyou acclimated herself to the concept of once again being alive. Kaede, never one to turn away her own sister, had assured her that she could remain indefinitely. The younger miko was quickly returning to the Kikyou she had once been, Kaede observed, as her sister was no longer ruled by the forces of darkness that had animated her false body of clay. Even while still walking the earth as the living dead, Kikyou had slowly been returning to her old self, her natural purity overriding her deep seeded feelings of hatred. Now, those feelings of hatred seemed to have completely vanished. She was happy she had been given a second chance at life, and no longer rued the existence of a miko. Kaede did not miss the occasional glances her sister would cast in Inuyasha’s direction, but the younger miko seemed to understand that the hanyou needed some space. What her exact feelings were for Inuyasha any more, Kaede couldn’t be sure, but if things ended up developing between the two of them she would give the couple her blessing. It pained her to see Inuyasha continue to mourn the loss of Kagome. They all missed the future-born miko, though she knew beyond a doubt that Inuyasha missed her more than anyone else, but still, Kagome was gone…it was time to move on.
Life was definitely progressing for the other members of the inu-tachi; Miroku was quick to work with the village carpenter to start construction on a hut for himself and Sango. Feeling sorry for his friend, he openly offered Inuyasha use of said hut once it was completed, but the hanyou politely declined. Well, what was polite for him, anyway, as his actual words were, “Feh, don’t be stupid. Like I really wanna hear an’ smell you and Sango going at it every night.”
Sango blushed deeply at Inuyasha’s bluntness while Miroku merely shook his head in exasperation with a slightly lecherous smirk on his lips, before quickly assuring their friend that regardless of how uncomfortable it might make him feel, he would forever have an open invitation to stay in their home. Despite outwardly brushing off the houshi’s words, Inuyasha was honestly touched by the gesture.
After the house was completed, the hanyou did end up taking them up on their offer during a couple of heavy rainstorms, and of course during his human nights, but overall he continued to spend the majority of his time in forest that bore his name.
Spending his days, and most nights, in the branches of the Goshinboku, the hanyou developed a routine of silently praying for the tree to reconnect him with Kagome, as it had done for them once in the past, but the tree of ages never granted his request.
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Weeks gradually turned into months, and eventually the pain subsided until it was merely a dull ache that Inuyasha could, for the most part, ignore. To keep himself busy he assisted Miroku with ridding the occasional village of a troublesome youkai or two, and he always kept a close eye on little Shippou, knowing that Kagome would have wanted it that way. It wasn’t really like he’d adopted the runt, but he supposed the roll of big brother was appropriate enough. The kit officially ‘lived’ with Kaede and Kikyou, Shippou also wishing to give the newly married pair their privacy, though he spent more time than not either training with the other kitsune or silently hanging out with Inuyasha in his forest. The two had come to a sort of understanding over time. Shippou wouldn’t speak of Kagome, and Inuyasha wouldn’t bop him on the head.
But Shippou always returned to Kaede’s hut at night, having been thoroughly spoiled when it came to sleeping within the warmth of a bedroll, next to a blazing fire. Inuyasha had a sinking suspicion that it was merely trickery on his part, to get him to return to the village, when Shippou had cried out one night, claiming that he’d had a nightmare about the village coming under attack. He whined that he was scared, knowing that Inuyasha was sooooooooo far away in the forest, and what if something happened???? The hanyou had Feh’d, but had allowed Shippou to lure him back, regardless, as slowly but surely, he started spending his nights upon the roof of Kaede’s hut…ya know…just in case. At least Kagome’s scent had faded by that point.
As for Kikyou, it was like she had finally been granted the life she had wanted all along, all the suffering she’d gone through having apparently been enough penance for the fates to grant her this one, true wish. She still possessed her miko powers, and she assisted Kaede with her village duties, but without the responsibility of protecting the Sacred Jewel, Kikyou was also more or less free to live the life of a ‘normal’ woman. She was no longer fighting for her life on a daily basis, and she was now able to spare herself moments of time with which to simply be…Kikyou. She still held feelings for Inuyasha, though the two of them had yet to discuss anything even remotely along those lines. She was sure that a part of him still loved her as well, though it was clear that the bulk of his heart now belonged solely to her reincarnation. Part of her still couldn’t fathom the selflessness of that girl. While she herself had always insisted that Inuyasha belonged to her, and she had harbored every intention of taking him with her into Hell, with or without his consent, that girl had loved him so much that she had willingly given him up. Kikyou often asked herself if she could have done the same thing, were the situation reversed, and she always found, with a slight twinge of pain in her heart, that the answer was no.
Wandering through the woods one evening, the revived miko came to a stop at the Goshinboku, a seemingly sleeping Inuyasha resting in its branches. Though something told her that he was aware of her presence, merely feigning sleep as a means of avoiding confrontation. While he had reluctantly started sleeping upon their roof at night, mainly just to assure the kitsune child that he would be there to protect them should danger actually strike, he still spent the vast majority of his days in the sacred tree, unless there was a youkai-slaying mission he could go on with Miroku to burn off some stored up energy. Gazing up at his still form in that moment, her heart went out to him, it truly did. She longed to be the one to heal his soul, the one he confided in. He was lonelier now than she had ever known him to be, and she hoped that one day he would allow her to be there for him, as she so desired. She wanted to make him happy.
Stepping away from where he rested, Kikyou headed over towards the Bone Eater’s Well, curiosity getting the better of her as she’d never before actually touched the thing. Carefully gripping the edge of the wood, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the lingering aura of magic she still felt surrounding this place. Just as she’d thought… While the jewel had granted power to those otherwise powerless to activate the portal, the portal itself still remained, however faintly. This well had been constructed with wood from the Goshinboku, after all, a tree of ages. It was by the tree’s will that this time portal even existed, the Shikon no Tama not truly having had anything to do with its creation. Living through all of time simultaneously, the Goshinboku knew much. It was no accident that Kagome had been pulled through the well right when she had been, or ‘when’ she had ended up on the other side. However, the jewel had been what’d allowed Kagome to more or less force her way through time like that. The Goshinboku must have known what it was doing, needing Kagome to return to their time with the jewel to correct the mistakes of the past. One could argue that the shattering of the jewel had been Kagome’s own mistake, but Kikyou wasn’t so sure any more, considering that she never would have been granted a second chance at life had the Shikon not been shattered. But now Kagome’s mission in their world was finally completed, so the Goshinboku had to have a way to lock the door on Kagome, and having designed the well to function with the power of the jewel, like a key unlocking said door, was what now prevented Kagome from getting through. The time portal wasn’t dead, merely locked. Anyone with enough power could probably still force their way through, whether it was the will of the Goshinboku or not. Kikyou realized in that moment that she would probably be able to open it herself, at least once. Such a feat might possibly drain her of her miko powers completely, not that she supposed she truly needed her powers any more since she had given up active duty as a miko aside from assisting Kaede with some small things from time to time. It was no longer her desire to be a warrior, to slay youkai. Her days of killing were behind her. But it mattered not…if she could more easily open the portal for Inuyasha to visit with her reincarnation as he pleased, Kikyou conceded that, perhaps, she would be willing to grant him such a favor, but such was not the case. She was certain that if she could do it at all that she could only do it once, and what would be the point in that? Upon departing from Kagome the second time he truly would be locked away from her forever. Inuyasha and the future-born miko had already said their goodbyes, so it would be best to just leave it at that, then. There was no sense in opening old wounds by offering him a second final goodbye. What was done was done, mission accomplished. Everything was as it should be.
And yet…glancing back towards the Goshinboku, catching a tiny speck of red among the green, indicating Inuyasha had not moved from his perch, Kikyou could not help but to wonder if this was truly how things were supposed to have turned out. But turning and walking away from the well nonetheless, the miko decided in that moment that it was simply not her place to play with destiny. Kagome had made this decision, not her, and she wasn’t about to complain. Not one bit. Offering one last glance in Inuyasha’s direction, she silently made her way back towards her sister’s hut. She knew he would follow her shortly; it was getting dark out, after all.
Inuyasha waited until he could no longer scent her on the breeze, or hear her soft footfalls upon the grass, before he slowly opened his eyes. He was torturing himself, as well as Kikyou, and he knew it. How many times had he run off to see her while Kagome had still been traveling at his side? And now, Kagome had practically given Kikyou to him, and he avoided her. He wondered what Kikyou had tried to accomplish with the well. Was she trying to see if any power still remained? He had already tried to get through…repeatedly as a matter of fact, not having given up after only one single try…and he knew for a fact that it was a lost cause. He appreciated that Kikyou had apparently been curious about the portal, herself, but it was obvious to him that the time slip was dead.
It was quite clear now that he wouldn’t be seeing Kagome again, or at least, not any time soon. Whatever would happen five centuries from now would happen five centuries from now, but in the mean time, there was somebody else he should be thinking about. With one last glance back towards the well, he finally whispered the words he’d never had the stomach to say before that very moment.
“Goodbye…Kagome…”
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Slowly but surely, Inuyasha eventually reincorporated himself within the village, receiving nothing but positive feedback at his decision to do so. Kaede welcomed him into her home with open arms, but he still insisted that the arrangement was temporary; he would be building himself his own small hut within the village. He didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, living under somebody else’s roof, although he could also admit how he’d be much more able to protect the village were he actually within its borders at all times. Especially considering that with Sango carrying Miroku’s child, Inuyasha would be the village’s main source of protection were danger to strike, the ex-taijiya having no business doing battle in her current condition.
Six months after he’d slipped away from Kagome’s room, and her life forever, his hut was complete, as he sat, staring into the fire pit, Shippou curled up into a little ball not three feet away, as a silent statement that Inuyasha was not alone.
Why should I be? he questioned himself. Kagome’s sacrifice was made so that I could live, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. She knew what she was doing… he realized, when she had first made the suggestion that they use the jewel to restore Kikyou to life. She knew that I would be here, alone…with Kikyou.
Finally, he decided that it was time for him and the restored miko to have a talk.
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