InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Forgive Me ❯ nightmares of the past ( Chapter 2 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: inu-kyolover 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 09.24.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 175 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 09.24.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 175 | Status: Work In Progress
A/N:Still don't own anything!*tears*
continuation of the song "forgive me" by Godsmack
A/N: Haha-ue: old word for mother
youkai: demon
hanyou: half demon
I use both the japanese and english words for these.
Chapter 2: Nightmares of the past
-------------------------------------
I don't know how to breath with you to far away
Don't know how to love
will you forgive me?
No, I can't live this way!
------------------------------------
Kagome continued to watch Inuyasha as he slept, not realizing his dreams.
The rain falls all around me, soaking me, soaking into my skin. I hear screaming and run off in the direction of it. The voice is getting closer and I can finally tell who it is. Haha-ue . My lips try to form the word but can't. I hear laughing and the sound of feet running across the ground. My throat restricts as I see two shapes running towars me. " Haha-ue !!" I scream out the word, panicking as I smell the coppery smell of blood. My Haha-ue comes into clear veiw first, a beautiful woman with knee length hair, that shimmers with silver. Her smell that usually smells to me like pure strength, smells faded. I know what that means and refuse to even think that thought. She's finally reached me "Run Inuyasha!" she screams, reaching towards me "Please run"her voice is desperate.
I see the person behind her, a man, a big man, he smells evil, wrong. A spurt of red showers from her chest, splattering me with blood,making me flinch. She opens her mouth again but only a gurgle comes forth. The man is right behind her, a sword in his hand. I try to move towards her, try to help her, but something's holding me down keeping me away. My efforts become frantic as Haha-ue colapses in a pool of her own blood. A last surge of power comes from her, sheilding us, confusing the man. I know it won't last long as the unknown force releases me. I crawl towards her and pick up her head craddling it in my lap. The rain continues to pour around us washing away her blood. Her eyes are glazed, her breathing harsh. Her dimming eyes plead with me to run but I can't, can't leave her, can't leave my whole world. "Haha-ue ," I pleade " get up! Please get up! You have to! I need you!" I'm shouting now as I realize how hopeless it is. Her right hand drifts up and cradles my cheek. I press my face against her hand, relishing in what I know will be are last contact. "Inu-chan run, you have to live, live and be free." Her eyes close and her hand drops as her body goes limp. The smell of her death fills my nose. The sheild collapses around me and I fling myself away with everything I have, a salty trail of tears flys behind me. I know he can't catch me as I hear a angry yell behind me. In that moment of my grief and anger, I barely would have cared if he had. I continue to run for what feels like hours before everything blessedly goes black.
A cry flys from Inuyasha's lips as he jerks awake nearly pulling Kagome out of the tree. "Hey" she starts to say but the she notices how harsh and ragged his breathing is. "Inuyasha? what's wrong?" He looks at her, barely seeming to even recognize her. As she stares into his eyes she sees a jumble of emotions, grief, anger, pain, panic, and confusion. He stared at her for what felt like forever, until finally "I'm" he stopped and ran his tungue over his dry lips " I'm fine Kagome." He looked away, out into the rain. A grimace crossed his face and when he looked back his face was compleatly expessionless. It was like shutters had closed behind his eyes, compleatly blocking the slim miko out.
-------------------------------------
I don't know how to love
I just know how to live
All I feel is pain
Will you forgive me?
------------------------------------
"Inuyasha....."
" I told you I'm FINE" He sighed and looked away from her again. *what was that dream? Am I starting to remember about how Haha-ue died?* He looked back at Kagome and saw the worried frown on her face. * I know I'm worrying her but I can't tell her, not this* He frowned suddenly seeing that she was shivering still. "Kagome, how long was I asleep?"
"...Half hour maybe" She squirmed under his gaze as he continued to stare at her.
"Are you cold?Your shivering"
"Yeah" she admitted " I am"
*Why didn't I think of it before? Of course she's cold, if I'M cold she must be freezing*
Kagome felt her weight shift forward as Inuyasha tugged on her arm, making her fall right into his lap. He shifted her so that she was sitting between his crossed legs. Kagome turned crimson as she settled into this new, warm position in Inuyasha's lap.
"I-Inuyasha? W-what are you doing?" the girl bit her lip in slight panic as the boy behind her shifted into a more comfortable position.
"You said you were cold" Kagome glanced back at him and saw a slight blush on his tanned face. Kagome sat there ram rod straight until she felt warm hands tugging her backwards to lean against an equally warm chest. He was warmer then was normal but thinking back she realived he'd always been that way. He rested his left arm on her shoulder with it loosely drapped across so his hand could rest on her opposite shoulder. Kagome's eyes were huge by now, though she'd be lying if she'd said she wasn't enjoying being pressed so close to the hanyou. He'd rested his other hand on his thigh, almost touching hers. "Better?" she felt the vibration of his voice and the rythmic thump of his heart agianst her back, it felt...pleasent.
"Yes. Inuyasha..."
"Yeah?''
" Will you tell me about your dream?"
---------------------------------------
I don't know how to breathe with you too for away
I don't know how to love
--------------------------------------
He was silent so long she was sure he wasn't going to answer. He suddenly sifted slightly then rested his forehead on the spot where her neck met her shoulder. He pressed hs forehead against her and she felt his breath against her back even through her shirt, causing her heart rate to increase. " My Haha-ue , it was about my Haha-ue . I don't want to talk about it"
"Oh Ok" she dropped the subject altogether and just reveled in the feel of being near him. She looked down at his hand resting against his thigh, studing it. Suddenly, she reached out and picked his hand up, cradling it between her own. She pressed her hand to his, palm to palm to compare the size difference. Kagome had small delicate hands but she was like that all over. The end of Inuyasha's palm almost reached to the second joint of her middle finger and was about one finger broader. The tips of her fingers just barely reached the third joint of his finger. Inuyasha moved his head so that his chin was hooked over her shoulder, watching what she was doing. She continued to study his hand, noticing how long and slim his fingers were. Kagome traced her finger tips over one of his claws and saw they were only slightly thicker then average and still looked flimsy and not at all as strong as she knew they were. His hands, because of his healing abilities, wern't scared at all from the count less fights he'd been in, in fact they were quite smooth. She trailed her fingers down his and over the back of his hand. When she flipped his hand over she saw something she'd never seen before, that she hadn't even known he was capable of getting. On the side of his wrist was small scar that looked like someone had stabbed him through his wrist. "Inuyasha were did you get this? I didn't even know you could get scars."
"I could when I was still a pup, I got it in a fight"
"You got in fights?" she turned her head towards his making him jerk his head away right before her lips acidently touched his cheek.
He looked away and grunted, yes.
"What about?"
-------------------------------------
Past lives I've lived
Uncontrolled but sacred
-----------------------------------
He sighed heavily "When I was still a pup.... kids teased me alot."
Kagome stared at him alittle stunned. "They teased you so much that you fought about it?" She noticed the tightening around his eyes and how the muscles in his
jaw tightened.
"Sometimes"
"Inu-" she started to say but he cut her off.
"No, I don't want to talk about it. The past is the past, you can't change it so there's no point even thinking about it." Kagome gaped at him, It was such a cold way to look at the world.
"Sometimes it helps to talk about things" she said but he just clenched his jaw a looked away from her * He's going into stubborn mode* They fell into an uncomfortable silence as Kagome pondered his reaction to her mention of his scar and the nightmare that had woken him with so many chaotic emotions in his gold eyes.
Inuyasha's eyes unfocused and he leaned back against the tree trunk, thinking about the dream. *Haha-ue, would you have died so young if I hadn't been born? Was that really the way you died? With me just standing there watching? Why? Why is that memory so fuzzy? You were screaming at me to run, you were trying to protect me. Why? If I hadn't been born you wouldn't have been shunned by everyone, even your own family. When I was very little I used to blame you for not protecting me from all the insults and all the curses but then I realized that you had to deal with more then your fair share of scorn. You hid it from me, you always tried to protect me, even at you very end. Why? Why would you do that? After everything you went through because of me? How could you have still loved me so much? So unconditionally?*
His brain shied away from these thoughts, and his head began to ache. He glanced down at the top of kagome's silky head and breathed deaply, taking in her scent.
He felt so fuzzy, so light headed.* Why am I so tired?* His eyes blurred and his head started to pound, his pulse beating wildly.
Kagome felt Inuyasha's heart race against her back and glanced back at him to see the look of pain flicker across his face. She frowned in worry "Inuyasha tell me what's wrong!"
He looked back at her his face returning to its usual scowl. "I'm just tired"
Kagome knew by the set of his jaw that she wouldn't get anything out of him, she was lucky she'd gotten as much as she had.
*Why? Why now? What's happening to me?* He pulled Kagome closer to him, returning his forhead to her shoulder.He heard her gasp slightly but she didn't say anything. *My heart... it feels so cold. I'm sorry kagome* She knew something was wrong. He could smell her concern and he was grateful that she worried but he hated it when she probed to deeply into his past when all he wanted the do was forget.
His was completely exausted but his brain refused to go to sleep. It kept turning back to his dark thoughts about his mother and when ever he thought of his mother, he would feel so cold. * I knew you died that day, I just couldn't remember how you died. That man... is he really the one that killed you, Haha-ue? He wasn't a youkai , but he didn't feel like a human or a hanyou either. What was he? Who was he?* There were so many gaps in his memory, so many nightmares and half remembered feelings and thoughts, that sometimes it was hard to distinguish what was real and what was imagined. He knew what he felt right now though, he felt like his mind was being pulled and pushed, ripping and healing. His thoughts turned to Kagome again as she heard her breathing even out, and he knew she was asleep. He smiled down at the girl in his arms but there was a sad edge to it.
-------------------------------------
You've finally seen what's left of me
so hard to see
so hard to breathe
will you forgive me?
----------------------------------
TBC....................
Hoped you liked it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have any questions just ask!!!!
I know I left a lot of things in the dark, You'll just have to be patient!
'Till next chapter
not sure what I'll call it yet......
continuation of the song "forgive me" by Godsmack
A/N: Haha-ue: old word for mother
youkai: demon
hanyou: half demon
I use both the japanese and english words for these.
Chapter 2: Nightmares of the past
-------------------------------------
I don't know how to breath with you to far away
Don't know how to love
will you forgive me?
No, I can't live this way!
------------------------------------
Kagome continued to watch Inuyasha as he slept, not realizing his dreams.
The rain falls all around me, soaking me, soaking into my skin. I hear screaming and run off in the direction of it. The voice is getting closer and I can finally tell who it is. Haha-ue . My lips try to form the word but can't. I hear laughing and the sound of feet running across the ground. My throat restricts as I see two shapes running towars me. " Haha-ue !!" I scream out the word, panicking as I smell the coppery smell of blood. My Haha-ue comes into clear veiw first, a beautiful woman with knee length hair, that shimmers with silver. Her smell that usually smells to me like pure strength, smells faded. I know what that means and refuse to even think that thought. She's finally reached me "Run Inuyasha!" she screams, reaching towards me "Please run"her voice is desperate.
I see the person behind her, a man, a big man, he smells evil, wrong. A spurt of red showers from her chest, splattering me with blood,making me flinch. She opens her mouth again but only a gurgle comes forth. The man is right behind her, a sword in his hand. I try to move towards her, try to help her, but something's holding me down keeping me away. My efforts become frantic as Haha-ue colapses in a pool of her own blood. A last surge of power comes from her, sheilding us, confusing the man. I know it won't last long as the unknown force releases me. I crawl towards her and pick up her head craddling it in my lap. The rain continues to pour around us washing away her blood. Her eyes are glazed, her breathing harsh. Her dimming eyes plead with me to run but I can't, can't leave her, can't leave my whole world. "Haha-ue ," I pleade " get up! Please get up! You have to! I need you!" I'm shouting now as I realize how hopeless it is. Her right hand drifts up and cradles my cheek. I press my face against her hand, relishing in what I know will be are last contact. "Inu-chan run, you have to live, live and be free." Her eyes close and her hand drops as her body goes limp. The smell of her death fills my nose. The sheild collapses around me and I fling myself away with everything I have, a salty trail of tears flys behind me. I know he can't catch me as I hear a angry yell behind me. In that moment of my grief and anger, I barely would have cared if he had. I continue to run for what feels like hours before everything blessedly goes black.
A cry flys from Inuyasha's lips as he jerks awake nearly pulling Kagome out of the tree. "Hey" she starts to say but the she notices how harsh and ragged his breathing is. "Inuyasha? what's wrong?" He looks at her, barely seeming to even recognize her. As she stares into his eyes she sees a jumble of emotions, grief, anger, pain, panic, and confusion. He stared at her for what felt like forever, until finally "I'm" he stopped and ran his tungue over his dry lips " I'm fine Kagome." He looked away, out into the rain. A grimace crossed his face and when he looked back his face was compleatly expessionless. It was like shutters had closed behind his eyes, compleatly blocking the slim miko out.
-------------------------------------
I don't know how to love
I just know how to live
All I feel is pain
Will you forgive me?
------------------------------------
"Inuyasha....."
" I told you I'm FINE" He sighed and looked away from her again. *what was that dream? Am I starting to remember about how Haha-ue died?* He looked back at Kagome and saw the worried frown on her face. * I know I'm worrying her but I can't tell her, not this* He frowned suddenly seeing that she was shivering still. "Kagome, how long was I asleep?"
"...Half hour maybe" She squirmed under his gaze as he continued to stare at her.
"Are you cold?Your shivering"
"Yeah" she admitted " I am"
*Why didn't I think of it before? Of course she's cold, if I'M cold she must be freezing*
Kagome felt her weight shift forward as Inuyasha tugged on her arm, making her fall right into his lap. He shifted her so that she was sitting between his crossed legs. Kagome turned crimson as she settled into this new, warm position in Inuyasha's lap.
"I-Inuyasha? W-what are you doing?" the girl bit her lip in slight panic as the boy behind her shifted into a more comfortable position.
"You said you were cold" Kagome glanced back at him and saw a slight blush on his tanned face. Kagome sat there ram rod straight until she felt warm hands tugging her backwards to lean against an equally warm chest. He was warmer then was normal but thinking back she realived he'd always been that way. He rested his left arm on her shoulder with it loosely drapped across so his hand could rest on her opposite shoulder. Kagome's eyes were huge by now, though she'd be lying if she'd said she wasn't enjoying being pressed so close to the hanyou. He'd rested his other hand on his thigh, almost touching hers. "Better?" she felt the vibration of his voice and the rythmic thump of his heart agianst her back, it felt...pleasent.
"Yes. Inuyasha..."
"Yeah?''
" Will you tell me about your dream?"
---------------------------------------
I don't know how to breathe with you too for away
I don't know how to love
--------------------------------------
He was silent so long she was sure he wasn't going to answer. He suddenly sifted slightly then rested his forehead on the spot where her neck met her shoulder. He pressed hs forehead against her and she felt his breath against her back even through her shirt, causing her heart rate to increase. " My Haha-ue , it was about my Haha-ue . I don't want to talk about it"
"Oh Ok" she dropped the subject altogether and just reveled in the feel of being near him. She looked down at his hand resting against his thigh, studing it. Suddenly, she reached out and picked his hand up, cradling it between her own. She pressed her hand to his, palm to palm to compare the size difference. Kagome had small delicate hands but she was like that all over. The end of Inuyasha's palm almost reached to the second joint of her middle finger and was about one finger broader. The tips of her fingers just barely reached the third joint of his finger. Inuyasha moved his head so that his chin was hooked over her shoulder, watching what she was doing. She continued to study his hand, noticing how long and slim his fingers were. Kagome traced her finger tips over one of his claws and saw they were only slightly thicker then average and still looked flimsy and not at all as strong as she knew they were. His hands, because of his healing abilities, wern't scared at all from the count less fights he'd been in, in fact they were quite smooth. She trailed her fingers down his and over the back of his hand. When she flipped his hand over she saw something she'd never seen before, that she hadn't even known he was capable of getting. On the side of his wrist was small scar that looked like someone had stabbed him through his wrist. "Inuyasha were did you get this? I didn't even know you could get scars."
"I could when I was still a pup, I got it in a fight"
"You got in fights?" she turned her head towards his making him jerk his head away right before her lips acidently touched his cheek.
He looked away and grunted, yes.
"What about?"
-------------------------------------
Past lives I've lived
Uncontrolled but sacred
-----------------------------------
He sighed heavily "When I was still a pup.... kids teased me alot."
Kagome stared at him alittle stunned. "They teased you so much that you fought about it?" She noticed the tightening around his eyes and how the muscles in his
jaw tightened.
"Sometimes"
"Inu-" she started to say but he cut her off.
"No, I don't want to talk about it. The past is the past, you can't change it so there's no point even thinking about it." Kagome gaped at him, It was such a cold way to look at the world.
"Sometimes it helps to talk about things" she said but he just clenched his jaw a looked away from her * He's going into stubborn mode* They fell into an uncomfortable silence as Kagome pondered his reaction to her mention of his scar and the nightmare that had woken him with so many chaotic emotions in his gold eyes.
Inuyasha's eyes unfocused and he leaned back against the tree trunk, thinking about the dream. *Haha-ue, would you have died so young if I hadn't been born? Was that really the way you died? With me just standing there watching? Why? Why is that memory so fuzzy? You were screaming at me to run, you were trying to protect me. Why? If I hadn't been born you wouldn't have been shunned by everyone, even your own family. When I was very little I used to blame you for not protecting me from all the insults and all the curses but then I realized that you had to deal with more then your fair share of scorn. You hid it from me, you always tried to protect me, even at you very end. Why? Why would you do that? After everything you went through because of me? How could you have still loved me so much? So unconditionally?*
His brain shied away from these thoughts, and his head began to ache. He glanced down at the top of kagome's silky head and breathed deaply, taking in her scent.
He felt so fuzzy, so light headed.* Why am I so tired?* His eyes blurred and his head started to pound, his pulse beating wildly.
Kagome felt Inuyasha's heart race against her back and glanced back at him to see the look of pain flicker across his face. She frowned in worry "Inuyasha tell me what's wrong!"
He looked back at her his face returning to its usual scowl. "I'm just tired"
Kagome knew by the set of his jaw that she wouldn't get anything out of him, she was lucky she'd gotten as much as she had.
*Why? Why now? What's happening to me?* He pulled Kagome closer to him, returning his forhead to her shoulder.He heard her gasp slightly but she didn't say anything. *My heart... it feels so cold. I'm sorry kagome* She knew something was wrong. He could smell her concern and he was grateful that she worried but he hated it when she probed to deeply into his past when all he wanted the do was forget.
His was completely exausted but his brain refused to go to sleep. It kept turning back to his dark thoughts about his mother and when ever he thought of his mother, he would feel so cold. * I knew you died that day, I just couldn't remember how you died. That man... is he really the one that killed you, Haha-ue? He wasn't a youkai , but he didn't feel like a human or a hanyou either. What was he? Who was he?* There were so many gaps in his memory, so many nightmares and half remembered feelings and thoughts, that sometimes it was hard to distinguish what was real and what was imagined. He knew what he felt right now though, he felt like his mind was being pulled and pushed, ripping and healing. His thoughts turned to Kagome again as she heard her breathing even out, and he knew she was asleep. He smiled down at the girl in his arms but there was a sad edge to it.
-------------------------------------
You've finally seen what's left of me
so hard to see
so hard to breathe
will you forgive me?
----------------------------------
TBC....................
Hoped you liked it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have any questions just ask!!!!
I know I left a lot of things in the dark, You'll just have to be patient!
'Till next chapter
not sure what I'll call it yet......