InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Forgiven's Not Forgotten ❯ Begin Sweet Misery ( Chapter 1 )

Forgiven's Not Forgotten-Begin Sweet Misery

Life has never been fair, had never been predictable. Familiar things can change in an instant, leaving behind a chaotic mess that we somehow must find a way to cope with.

Even if that chaos stretched across the very fabric of time.

I know, I know, I'm a bit on the dramatic side. Even so, there's no way of simplifying what has happened to me in my short lived time on earth: There will be no way of simplifying my future. I wasn't kidding about that chaos thing.

Nor was I stretching the limits of truth and credibility with its reach.

I guess I'm feeling a bit reflective; there is not any other reason that would satisfy the turn my mind has taken. By now, I should be used to everything; nothing should surprise me. Yet everything still does.

It hasn't quite been a half of a year since I arrived here, in the past. Nippon's past, but on the flip side of the coin, my future.

Boy am I confused.

Part of that confusion might stem from the fact that we-Inuyasha, Kouga, Miroku, Sango, Shippou, and I-just narrowly escaped death. Again.

Talk about your stressful day.

Then again, part of this confusion could be due to my emotional state, but that hasn't been all that great since I first arrived here.

Mostly, I blame Inuyasha. Well, maybe not blame him, but he certainly has caused his portion of mischief in my mind.

Which brings me back to the present. Speaking of the devil, the hanyou has just left a moment or two ago, and I know for whom he leaves. After all, there's only one time I ever see that particular mixture of longing, sadness, and resignation on his face.

That expression is solely reserved for Kikyou.

So now I'm justifiably mad. No, not at Inuyasha's antics-those I can understand-but rather at his lack of forethought. Sure, the partial youkai can run like the devil and make flying jumps that would drive one of those silly hopping mammals on Australia to shame-but that's just him. The rest of us plain, ordinary mortals have to make due with average walking, running, and side aches.

Now do I dare wonder why the path ahead looks so dreary? "We'd better find him." I am not going to even try to imagine what had him so upset.

I can hear Kouga pacing behind me. Inuyasha having saved him had caused a general uproar in the full youkai-after all, his true love (me) didn't send the hanyou to fetch him. I suppose that Kouga will soon be racing off to join Inuyasha, in the somewhat vain hope that Naraku would be at the end of the trail.

Miroku and Sango both fell in step with me, Shippou clutching the monk's robe for all his worth. Kouga took off at a flat out run, kindly kicking dirt up in our faces.

The youkai was nice, but he could sure be inconsiderate.

The same could be said of Inuyasha.

My thoughts momentarily divert as I feel like I've just been sucker-punched. What's happening to me? My chest is constricting; my eyes are beginning to distort what the see. A cold stone settles in my belly, an absurd contrast to the sudden, all consuming heat I'm feeling.

There is no way this could be a good sign.

I'm dimly aware that I am stumbling; I can't seem to gather my thoughts or turn my wishes into actions. Something hurts my ears, loud and heart-wrenching. I guess that I'm screaming, but I can't tell for sure.

I can make out Shippou in my currently pain-filled and muddled state. He looks concerned, or rather panicked; my thoughts turn briefly elsewhere between one surge of mind-consuming pain and the next. I wonder what has happened to Kikyou.

Darkness overtakes me as friendly hands grasp my shoulders in concern.

When I awake, I am faintly aware of a prickling sensation on the edges of my perception. Thousands of tiny, unseen needles strike my skin as my mind returns to consciousness bit by bit.

I burn still, but now from the heat of a well-kept fire rather than some unknown, unforeseen attack on my body. My throat is dry, but I have barely risen my head from whatever it lay resting on before a gourd was offered.

I accept, thanking Miroku with pained eyes.

Sango is on guard, a slight sigh of relief escaping her lips when she spots me leaning on my elbow. She is about to speak, but a blur of auburn fur quickly claims my attention and my reassurances.

I manage to retain the gourd in my hand as the hysterical kitsune youkai sobs into my shirt, tiny hands twisting the material as if the kitsune sought entrance to my body. I stroke his head, murmuring relentlessly over and over again. "Shush, Shippou, I'm okay, I'm okay, shh, everything's alright. . ."

I can't help but wonder if everything really is. For the first time, it registers that there is no sign of Inuyasha, or Kouga for that matter.

"He hasn't come back yet, Kagome-san." Miroku looks troubled, but I can offer no comfort nor can I receive any.

More than anything, I am curious. "What. . .Happened?" My voice sounds old, so cracked and broken as to lie in pieces upon the ground.

Sango answered, eyes locking with mine. "We don't know. You collapsed, and passed out."

I can't be sure that the exterminator is telling me the entire truth, but my head nods anyway. I have no better an idea myself-

Yet I might, I discover, not liking what I find. Could something have happened to Kikyou. . .?

I realize that no one currently in my company would know the answer. Perhaps the only one who could answer was-

Inuyasha. The hanyou was also the one person whom I most wanted to see and hear from right now.

For personal reasons.

At the moment, I feel a bout of lethargy approaching; I am not helped by the sudden onset of chills so backward from my earlier overheating. Eyelids feeling heavy, I try to spot my burlap bag, praying that either Miroku or Sango had found the thing.

The bag was sitting next to a tree by Miroku's back. I smile, and attempt to stand to go to my possessions, but Miroku stops me as my own knees weaken.

"I will bring that to you, Kagome-san." I feel guilty and relieved at the same time.

The priest returns soon, bag slung haphazardly over one shoulder, items dangerously close to falling out. I cannot bring myself to care-what I needed most was further inside the backpack.

Smiling my gratitude, feeling like the little energy I had should not be wasted on the effort of menial speech, I clumsily set to work. Eventually, my seeking fingers alight on the single most precious thing I have in my bag-a bottle of pain relievers. I dry swallow two of them, trying not to gag, Miroku and Sango eyeing me warily the entire time. Their lack of questions was either a testimony to how bad I looked right now, or to how on edge they were.

I am tempted to opt for the latter.

With a painful sigh, I lay myself back down. Today has been one long roller-coaster ride, and I need sleep more than anything else at the moment. I feel Shippou curl up next to me, for once sleeping within the confines of the sleeping bag. This moves me, but even more so do I appreciate his small body heat.

When did I start to feel this cold?

I give in to my body's urge for rest, shutting out everything I can for the time being. My mouth opens wide in a yawn I don't bother to conceal, and my mind starts to lose its hold on reality. My lips are moving of their own free will, and I hear myself speak the name of the one man whom I hold most dear in this world and the next. "Inuyasha. . ."

The morning dawns bright and lovely, setting the small birds of the forest into cheerful chattering. My own spirit rises as I put behind me the stresses of the day before. Life was not worth living if it was merely a shadow of the past. Kikyou has unwittingly taught me this.

I whistle, a habit I rarely find myself indulging in, and almost sing out my hellos to the relieved looking Miroku and Sango. Funny, how their names stick together like that. Funny, how I am now wondering if the same can ever be said of Inuyasha and me, without Kikyou somehow intruding.

Though the reality was that I, the reincarnation of a miko born and raised to fight over seventy years ago, was the intruder.

Yet I understand her pain, her anger at being torn from a rest she wanted so desperately. I know of Inuyasha's continued loyalty to the woman who had killed him, though he had never gone against her in a rage or any other state. Even this, I can understand. What I can't understand is Inuyasha's continued absence.

Somehow I know nothing has happened to him; in fact, I am more than willing to bet on that. However, I am worried about what the cause of his disappearance might be.

What's that? There's some movement in the trees-but it is only one of the birds. For a moment, my heart was been in my throat, but it was all a false hope. I smile, determined to enjoy the sunny day and not worry over my hanyou.

Did I just say that? Well, yes, but none of the others have turned and given me knowing looks, so I didn't speak out loud. I sense Shippou coming, his small paws kicking up tufts of dust as he approaches me.

"Kagome?" His voice is timid, as if he believes himself to be walking on eggshells.

Shippou's sensitivity has never ceased to amaze me. "Yes, Shippou-chan?" I know I'm smiling-I can see it in his bright eyes.

"Daijoubu?"

"Hai," I reply, my voice attempting to comfort the little kitsune, "Hai, Shippou, daijoubu."

The kitsune's face breaks into a wide grin of undiluted pleasure. He leaps into my arms, forcing me to catch him as he calls out my name. "Kagome!"

Amusement floods through me. "Shippou-chan." The child youkai is rubbing his eyes, desperate to say something but unable to find words.

"You're okay! I was so scared, and you were so cold, and you were hurt but we couldn't find anything on you, and Miroku said-"

"Shippou, what do you mean `we' couldn't find anything on me?"

"Well, I mean Miroku and me." His puzzled eyes looked in my own, noticing my flustered appearance.

"Miroku?" I finally manage to choke out, sounding odd to my own ears.

Shippou finally understood what I was asking, and frantically waved his little hands in my face. "No! Wait-Yeah! But, but not like that! Sango wouldn't have let-"

From what the little kitsune was saying, I coming to understand that Sango had been watching over me when Miroku had tended my unconscious form. Small comfort. "Hai, Shippou. With Sango there, I have no worries concerning the houshi." My smile is now reassuring, for the young one in my arms.

He hugs me; I hug him back. For a moment, my comfort is his comfort, and the kitsune and I are in a world without shadows.

I must remember to thank reality for intruding. Of course I wouldn't want to stay that way; Reality was always so much more pleasant.

Stop the sarcasm, Kagome.

I'm not acting like my normal self-If there actually is such a thing.

Miroku, as if sensing that Shippou and I had just spoken of him, appears at my side, grinning. I am smiling in return, but I know he doesn't see my smile reach my eyes.

"Today dawned lovely, Kagome-san. It is made all the more lovely with your presence." The houshi grins suggestively.

Was the houshi expecting me to blush? He should know better. I have- been traveling with him for quite some time, now. Or maybe. . . Just maybe he was searching for some sort of reassurance in his own way, much like Shippou had done. "Such eloquent words for you, Miroku."

His head cocked in query. "Arigatougouzaimasu, Kagome-san."

English. I must have just used an English word. My English teacher would be so happy right about now. . .

"Where are Sango and Kirara?"

Miroku meets my eyes, his smile softening as he does so. "Checking the perimeter, Kagome-san."

If he doesn't stop adding my name to the end of his every sentence, I'm going to go off the deep end. "I see." I can also guess what for, but to mention my suspicions wouldn't be for the best right now. A thought strikes me, and I feel myself grimace unwittingly. Why didn't we use Kirara to catch up with Inuyasha yesterday? Indeed, I am wondering why.

"She's also going to try and find Inuyasha, or at least check to make sure he's not back at Mount Hakurei, looking for us. We did move rather out of the way with the onset of your . . . Affliction."

He was dancing around yesterday's events, and I couldn't care less. "He's an inu youkai, Miroku. Even if he can't see us, he can smell us."

The houshi stills smiles, though now I can tell how sad he is. "Kagome-san, don't worry about Inuyasha. I'm sure-"

I know what Miroku is attempting to say, so I stop him with a hand on his shoulder. "He's fine, Miroku. Inuyasha's a big-boy now." I bow my head, still holding Shippou to my chest with one arm, leaning toward the houshi. "Thanks for trying, Miroku."

His hand covers mine, and I know with unflattering certainty that he is smiling. Sadly. For me.

I pick up my head, reassuring my friend with the slightest hint of a smile on my lips. Shippou twists his hands in my shirt, worried and happy at the same time. I lift my hand off Miroku's shoulder, slipping away from his own hand. I pat Shippou's head once more, gently prying him away. "I can't sense Naraku in the area."

The houshi almost looks surprised, but the emotion flickered only briefly across his face. He looks beyond me, toward the approaching Sango and Kirara.

I knew. I had sensed their Ki long before.

"Konnichi wa, Sango!" Miroku calls out, myself holding freed hands over my head, shielding my eyes from the early morning sun. Shippou has claimed Miroku as his new perch, and waves a greeting from the houshi's shoulder.

"Konnichi wa, houshi. Kagome!" Sango's eyes brighten, eliciting a smile from me in response.

"Ohayo, Sango." I don't dare ask how her search went-she would have told us if she'd found anything drastic by now.

My eyes are following Kirara as the youkai lands gracefully, in some ways reminiscent of my own feline Buyo at home. Sango is sliding off of Kirara's back, her Hiraikotsu secured to her own. She was, as I had already observed, dressed in her battle gear.

"Find anything?"

Sango was shaking her head before pausing. "Nothing living, or dead for that matter. I did sight a rather large burn-mark in a clearing that was located in the general direction Inuyasha and Kouga took off in. That was all."

No blood, no bones, no Shikon no Kakera. . . Nothing. Then why do I have such a sinking feeling? "Are you sure that was all, Sango?"

She looks at me with the barest hint of sadness in her eyes, motioning helplessly with her hands. "Hai, Kagome."

I sigh in defeat, worry overtaking me while I try to fight it off. I am not altogether successful, but I have managed to stave off the hungry wolves of my mind. My legs are feeling weak, though I find Miroku's steadying arm supporting me before I fall to the hard ground. "Gomen, Miroku."

"Don't be sorry, Kagome-san." His voice was not doing much in the way of soothing my nerves.

"I hate being weak, Miroku. Especially now." My eyes are beginning to cloud up, but I force myself to hold back the tears aching to escape.

Sango approaches; I can hear her footsteps with uncanny clarity. Her voice catches when she places her hand upon my shoulder. "Gomen nasai, Kagome. Inuyasha just wasn't there."

I break free of their hands, whirling around and marching off to some distant point. I don't care where, as long as it's away from their pitying voices! Pity is not something I need, especially when I know Inuyasha isn't dead.

No, the pain that had debilitated me the afternoon before was from something, or someone, entirely different.

Yet entirely related.

My mind is slowing as my body brings it down from its mad dash toward nowhere. I can note with small amusement that I have made some ten feet of progress, and already I ache like the dickens. My shoulder leans into the hard, unforgiving bark of a tree that has most likely seen more years than the rest of us.

I know Miroku and Sango are looking at me; their eyes all but burn into my backside. Shippou appears at my feet, sad eyes seeking my own. I stretch my arms out invitingly, and the little kitsune wastes no time. Soon, I am holding the quivering child in my arms once more.

How I wish he were Inuyasha. . .