InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Forgiving Loss ❯ Chapter 7 Speak Like a Child ( Chapter 7 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: blueangel326 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Mystery / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.19.2005 | Updated On: 08.19.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 228 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Mystery / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.19.2005 | Updated On: 08.19.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 228 | Status: Completed
7 Speak Like a Child
“Why does he have to be such an arrogant baka? I can’t even figure out how I fell in love with him. He doesn’t understand anything about me now, and he’s so insensitive! How am I supposed to love a pig-headed jerk like him again?” Kagome said as she flopped down on her bed. She was in her pajamas with a big, fluffy towel wrapped around her hair.
It had been about an hour since her run-in with Inuyasha under Goshinboku, and she was still steamed about her mate’s attitude.
Kagome placed her right arm over her eyes, hoping all of her problems would disappear into the dark abyss of the insides of her eyelids. After deciding that she already knew it wasn’t going to happen, she sat up and walked over to her dresser to brush her hair. She loosed the towel, and her damp hair fell all over her face. With the towel around her shoulders, she began to brush her hair back using the blow dryer to dry it. Before she was halfway done, a thought came to her mind.
Setting the brush and dryer down, Kagome looked in the mirror. She saw a young woman that looked like she hadn’t aged one day since she graduated from college, or at least from what pictures she saw. Her raven hair stopped an inch below her waist, and, if one looked close enough, small specks of molten golden blended in her hazel brown eyes. Kagome examined every detail of herself that she could, and yet she couldn’t remember what her body felt like before when she was pregnant, when she had been with Inuyasha all those times, how she wielded a bow and arrow properly, how she felt and knew herself and everything around her. It was like her whole life before was a forgotten dream.
‘Why? Why can’t I remember? I want to know who I am, but why can’t I? What’s stopping me?!’ Small drops splashed on the dresser.
Kagome moved from the mirror, wiping the water from her face and bangs. She looked out the window at the Sacred Tree. She saw the glinting of Inuyasha’s silvery hair and looked in his direction. Kagome saw an expression on his face that made her anxious and stirred something inside of her. She knew that she saw that expression a lot before but didn’t know what it meant. Inuyasha just sat there in Goshinboku, staring at her with that one look unwavering. After a few moments, Kagome moved away from the window and Inuyasha’s stare. She sat on the bed, attempting to hold her racing heart inside her ribcage.
‘That look…why was he looking at me like that? It was strange, like he wanted something or was searching out for me. What made me feel that way? Nothing makes sense!’ Kagome held her head in her hands. “What happened to do this to me? I want to know what happened to me. I want to know who I am…” she whispered as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked down at her bare legs past her shorts. Suddenly, she felt like maybe she didn’t deserve to look at herself, that she was too disgraceful to look at, even upon her own eyes. She looked to the side at her nightstand and noticed the diary sitting there, mocking her when it knew more about her like than she did now.
Reaching for the small journal, Kagome’s mind began to wonder, ‘I feel like I’m invading someone’s privacy, looking at this diary. But that’s crazy. This is my diary. I have the right to look at it. And yet, this feeling won’t let up. I feel so distant to myself. It’s like my mind can’t understand what my heart feels, as if they’re two separate being, disconnected.’
Kagome shook her head. “I won’t find out what’s wrong by just sitting here, thinking about it. This may e the only way if I can’t remember and Inuyasha, the one person that should know everything about me, won’t tell me anything,” Kagome said as she grabbed the diary from her nightstand. She searched inside her pillowcase for the key and took it out. She turned the lock, opened the book, and began reading the first entry.
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‘I was acting the way I am. What? Would you rather I act like someone that I don’t know? Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t even know who I am! You’re so impossible, Inuyasha!’
Kagome’s words kept playing through Inuyasha’s head, unrelenting. Night had already fallen, and Inuyasha was sitting in Goshinboku again. Ever since Kagome went back inside upset, he had been sitting there remorsefully, wanting to take back what he said. Inuyasha felt like beating himself up, or at least knocking down a forest. He never meant to hurt Kagome or make her cry.
‘What the hell is wrong with me lately? Kagome is suffering and helpless to do something about it. And I’ve been so cold to her, avoiding her as much as I can without her leaving my sight. And I made her cry, just because I can’t control my feelings. Why do I have to be like this?’ Inuyasha closed his eyes tightly trying to block out the image of Kagome’s teary face. He opened his eyes and looked up at the full moon. He felt a new calm take over him as he stared into the dull, pale orb. It gave him peace of mind of everything.
For some strange reason, the full moon always calmed him and gave him a new kind of energy. It rather rejuvenated him in a way. Inuyasha sat back and cleared his mind. He wanted to try to fix things from what they already were. He couldn’t stand seeing Kagome sad, especially when it was because of him.
Inuyasha looked towards Kagome’s window, hoping for some consolation, some kind of answer that would satisfy his many questions. He saw Kagome walking towards the window, water dripping from her hair. She looked ready to cry. However, Inuyasha had looked pass that. Kagome’s tendrils of hair clumped together, the moistness of them making her hair gleam in the moonlight. From his view, the moon made Kagome look like an ethereal being, her miko energy surrounding her in a protective embrace. Though it lay dormant, her energy glowed around her, like a shield. Kagome may have forgotten how to control her powers, but she unconsciously caused her energy to reflect her emotions.
Her surreal appearance stirred something inside Inuyasha. The look of complete helplessness called out to him, beckoned him. The full moon also held a significance for the yearning in him. Though it was not intentional, Kagome was calling out for someone, someone that would ease her pain. Inuyasha’s youkai heeded the call and wanted to help his mate as his carnal desires also came to mind.
Kagome looked in his direction, seeing his perch in the tree. He saw that she had very well seen him. Control was not something that he could muster, as his desires were obvious in his eyes. The look he gave her was of his pure youkai instincts. He saw and smelled the shift in her aura, could detail the confusion in her heart as she looked on at him. She didn’t know what all of it meant, he could tell. The look in his eyes, the sudden skip of her heart, the feelings that rushed at her all at once, he could feel it as if he were apart of her, and he was.
Suddenly moving from the window, Kagome ran away from him again, he knew. Inuyasha shook his head. ‘What has gotten in me, lately?’ he asked him. ‘I can’t seem to control myself. Kagome… She’s afraid… of me.’
Kagome had ran, had ran from him. He felt the fear that she held of him. Her confusion had caused fear. She was afraid of what she felt for him because she didn’t understand. There was a lot she did not know, and so, she became afraid.
‘Confusion brings about fear. Fear causes misunderstanding. Fear and confusion produce destruction. This is the way of humans,’ an unknown voice in Inuyasha’s head spoke.
“But, what does that mean?” he questioned the voice.
‘Humans destroy what they don’t understand. Kagome is human. She does not understand you. You bring her pain, confusion, sorrow. She does not want to live with something that gives her these things. Therefore, she wishes to destroy you.’
“That… That’s not true! Kagome would never do that! She… She’s not like that.”
‘Oh? But is she not human? Is she not a miko, protector of humans, destroyer of those that threaten her people? Humans and youkai, they live among each other, and yet they despise the other. To lie with the other is a vile act upon both races, a sin within itself. You are born of that act. You are a tainted creature. Humans want nothing more but to rid the world of those that have youkai blood. You are one of them. That is what her people want, that is what they command her to do. She cannot let something causes her pain to live when she is also destined to destroy it nonetheless.’
“Kagome’s different. She wouldn’t want to hurt me, let alone kill me. It’s a lie.”
‘All humans are the same, no matter what they seem like. In the end, she will destroy you.’
“No, I don’t believe you. She would never! Who are you? Why are you telling me all this?”
The voice in his head cleared his throat. ‘I am…the *Evil Ramen King!’
Inuyasha nearly fell out of the tree. “What the fuck?!”
(*Starrilight_Hotaru made me do it! I did not intend to do something like that name, but it was stuck in my head. I’m sorry if I ruined anyone’s day. Back to the story. Gomen nasai!)
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March 26, 1999
I just finished my last week of school. It’s official. I am a junior, and I am 17 today! I only have two more years before I finish. Really, I’m not as excited as I thought I would be. Right now, I should be looking for a college to go to, but I don’t know what I want to do when I graduate. I don’t know a career that I think I would be suitable. Truly, the best asset that I have is protecting the shrine from youkai who are after the Shikon no Tama, a sacred jewel that has been in my family for many generations. Even though I can sense youkai and supernatural beings and I have these miko powers (that’s what Grandpa calls them), I don’t know how to control them yet. I know how to transfer a little energy at a time into arrows, so I defend myself with that. However, how can I make a living by just staying here and protecting a jewel? I love my family here, but I want to eventually move out to have a family of my own, to a career where I can sustain myself. Maybe, maybe I’ll figure it out soon.
March 30, 1999
Today, Mom and I went to the library to do some research on a few colleges. Even Grandpa went with us. The librarian helped us find a few volumes of local and renowned colleges around Tokyo. I found three colleges that I’ve decided that I want to go when I graduate. Tokyo University of Foreign Studies, University of Tokyo, and Ashita no Mirai Academy of Kyoto. Ashita no Mirai Academy is a new school the government has just built. It has a few of the same classes as the other two, but it’s very different. Grandpa picked it out. He told me that there are several classes in which controlling supernatural powers are taught. I read about it, and the catalogue said that students are taught how to hone their skills or learn how to bring about their full potential while still being in control. Such classes were for youkai hunting, the different arts of magic, youkai training (of course for those that do not intend to harm humans), psychokinesis, and even miko training for those who wish to become priestesses, such as me. Though I’m not sure if I want to become an actual priestess, I do wish to be able to use my powers more efficiently.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am thinking about going to a NORMAL college as well. TUFS caught my interest because I want to be able to see different cultures and study about them. Within the last century, Japan has actually started being more welcome to other nations and countries around it. Even though we do have our Asian traditions, Western Civilization seems a better prospect. It’s had a lot of influence on our countries, as we have on theirs. Especially North America. The center, the United States, has many cultures planted within. It’s almost like an amalgamated country of its own. I want to travel, go to different places, experience what it’s like outside of this shrine and country. I don’t want to be held down by traditions, though I do respect them. Learning about another culture may help me gain the initiative to go and explore other lands.
My other choice, University of Tokyo, holds another career that interests me. Health and my science classes really interest me, especially Anatomy. There’s a department of Medical Sciences, dealing with these subjects, just more in depth. My reason for wanting to get into this career is to research the anatomical difference between humans and youkai. Youkai come in many forms, some are very distinguished from humans, and then some take on human forms. I want to know how this is to be. I don’t mean like experimenting on some poor youkai like it’s just a guinea pig. That would be way too cruel for me. I want to do this as humanely as possible.
It’s getting late so I’d better go to bed. I promise mama that I would help her with chores tomorrow.
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‘I get it, now. I wanted to lead a normal life while still learning about youkai and my powers, if that makes any sense,’ Kagome contemplated. ‘Maybe I’ll be able to recover if I continue to read this…’
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April 2, 1999
Houjou’s been coming around a lot lately, especially since school’s been out. Even though he’s really nice, I feel like I’m using him. He’s always doing these things for me, and he goes out of his way to do them. I think he has a crush on me, but I’m not sure. I like him as a friend and I know I should be the happiest girl in school since he’s the most popular guy in my class, but I don’t think I can return his feelings. I don’t know why, but he just doesn’t like my type. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a little too nice. I don’t think I could stand to have a guy as my boyfriend if he’s always kowtowing to me. I would feel like I’m using him, like now.
It’s not fair that Houjou has to fall in love with me, though. I know that he would make the perfect boyfriend if he found the right girl. I plan on telling him so myself before school starts back up again the week after next. I don’t mean to be cruel or callous or anything, but if I don’t do something before it’s too late, I could hurt Houjou’s feelings and lose his friendship. I don’t want to end up taking advantage of some guy that’s swooning over me like a little puppy. That’s not what I built up for myself, so I can’t just let that happen. At first, I did like the idea of having my first boyfriend with the nicest guy in school, but now my mind’s changed. I guess…maybe Houjou just chose the wrong girl. I hope that the next one will be just perfect for him. I just wish I could find mine…
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The next morning, Kagome woke up to someone shaking her. As she opened her eyes slowly, she saw slight darkness and remembered that the book was over her eyes. She pulled her diary from her face and was blinded by the sunlight pouring from the window.
‘Ah, it burns!’ her mind yelled groggily. She tried to cover her head with the comforter, wanting to go back to sleep.
“Get up, wench!” she heard a very familiar voice say.
“Go away… It’s too early in the day to get up…” she mumbled, hoping that the arms of sleep would welcome her back again for at least another hour…or five.
“Early? It’s a quarter to twelve. Get out of bed so your grandfather can stop telling me about this damn temple. I’m the only one around that’s up since your mom left earlier. Did you even hear me? I said get up!” Inuyasha snatched the covers from Kagome. She shivered from the sudden loss of the warmth and curled up into a ball. Inuyasha sighed. “You’re pitiful, you know that?”
“So sue me. I was up late last night reading. Now go away. Wake me up when it’s a decent hour…” Kagome reached back for the covers but stopped. She looked at the towering hanyou, who was glaring at her with the weirdest look. She followed his gaze down to her nightshirt and screamed the first word that came to her mind, grasping to cover her slightly exposed bosom.
“Osuwari!”
Unexpectedly, Inuyasha suddenly slammed to the floor, making everything unsteady in the room shake. Luckily, the only thing that fell was the picture hanging up on her wall to her left. It fell directly into her lap, and she picked it up to look at it.
When the spell finally wore off, he looked up at her growling lowly. “Whatcha do tha- What’s so funny?”
Kagome was close to turning red holding in her laughter. She looked over at him and shoved the picture into his face. He backed off a little to focus on the photograph. No wonder she was cracking up like a nut.
It was a photo of Kagome sleeping soundly in Inuyasha’s arms, him also asleep. The picture was innocent enough, if you ignored the fact that Inuyasha looked like a drag queen. He had on black lipstick with a crimson lip outline, blue eyeliner, purple blush, and deep blue mascara. His hair was plaited into a million pigtails with a multi-color show of ribbons. The best part of it all was that someone had ingeniously placed on a clip-on nose ring and painted a beautifully done mustache on his face. In fact, the culprits were evident behind them, laughing as they painted their partners face. Apparently, they were on an airplane, and Shippou, Kirara, Sango, and Rin were sitting directly behind them. In addition, a very obvious hand was reaching out for Sango, attempting the inevitable.
Inuyasha looked away blushing, remembering well and vividly the implications after he woke up, as Kagome burst out laughing like a maniac. He picked himself up from the floor and looked the still recovering young woman. “Whatever. Just hurry and get up. It gets annoying when your grandfather keeps trying to talk me about centuries-old legends and then yelling at me for no reason. I swear he has more mood swings than you.” He left.
Kagome fixed her room back up and got dressed. After straightening her hair up, she went downstairs for a very late and overdue breakfast. She ended up fixing herself a small salad and some fruit. While she ate, she noticed that her grandfather kept wandering around, especially outside. There probably wouldn’t have been a problem if it weren’t for the fact that it was drizzling out there. Even Inuyasha was inside, preferring to sit on the living room windowsill, just looking off into the distance.
Kagome put the dishes in the sink and started washing them. When the kitchen door slid open, Kagome called for her grandfather. “Grandpa, could you come here please?”
“Yes, Kagome dear? What is it?” he asked in a gentle tone.
“Are you all right? You were outside in the rain and you’re soaked.”
“Yes, why do you ask?” he asked, his tone becoming a little harsh.
Kagome was taken back some. “Nothing. I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay. It’s not like you do something like that, I think. But why were you outside while it was drizzling? I’m sure whatever you were doing could have waited until the rain stopped…”
“Do not concern yourself with my welfare. I am old enough to know how to take care of myself. I don’t need a child like yourself to worry about me when you think you know me. You already have enough problems with yourself, seeing as you don’t even know yourself. So stay out of my business. It would do you best.” Grandpa turned around and started to walk away.
“But, Grandpa, I was just worried.”
“If you must worry, worry about your illness, not mine. You already have enough problems. There’s no need for you to…ah!” Grandpa suddenly grabbed the side of his head and leaned against the wall for support.
“Grandpa!” Kagome tried to hold onto the old man.
“Get off of me, girl! Ah, my head…what did I just say?”
“A-Are you okay? Come on and sit down. Maybe you’re just dizzy.”
“Leave me alone, I say! I don’t need your help.” The old man pushed Kagome back into the kitchen and walked off.
Kagome stood there, trying to keep from crying. Even her own grandfather was denying her. Inuyasha suddenly appeared before her. “Kagome, what was with all the noise? Kagome? A-Are you crying?”
Kagome wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt and looked up at the hanyou. “I-I think something’s wrong with grandpa. H-He’s behaving strangely. I don’t know why, b-but I just know he’s not himself. I think he hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. Don’t think like that. Maybe he’s just cranky. He’ll come around.”
“No, it’s not like that. He-” Kagome was interrupted when she heard something fall to the ground heavily. It sounded like it came from the stares.
Inuyasha and Kagome rushed to the stairway and saw the old man collapsed on the foot of the stairs. His form seemed to be shaking. Inuyasha went to him and tried to turn him around. “Hey, old man! You okay?” When he was turned around, Kagome screamed.
Kagome’s grandfather’s eyes were rolled to the back of his head as his mouth was wide open. He was foaming at the mouth. His arms and legs were shaking as his face was twitching all over. His whole body was stiff but shaking all over.
“Kagome, hurry and call an ambulance. Hurry!” Inuyasha said in a calm but demanding tone. Kagome just stood there, shaking her head as her hands covered her mouth. “Kagome! Did you hear me? Call an ambulance! The man needs help!” She just backed slowly, fear evident on her face. “Dammit all, Kagome!” Inuyasha carefully laid his head on the steps and rushed to the kitchen to dial the operator.
“Gr-Grand…Grandpa!” Kagome ran to her grandfather’s stiffened body. He had stopped shaking and was breathing hoarsely, sounding like he was choking. She grabbed his shoulders, hoping to wake him up. “Grandpa,” she repeated. She kept sobbing his name as she buried her face in his damp shrine robes. She shook her head, hoping to deny the fact that maybe she caused this to happen. She cried as she heard Inuyasha yell at the operator for an ambulance, as he told the address, as he tried to pick her up from the unconscious man, as the paramedics took his body on the stretcher and into the ambulance down the shrine steps, as Inuyasha held her close to calm her.
Shikon no Tama- Jewel of Four Souls, the Sacred Jewel
Ashita no Mirai- Future of Tomorrow, 100% fictional college/academy. It was just a name I wanted to come up with for the story. However, Tokyo University of Foreign Studies and University of Tokyo are really colleges in Japan. I had to have some other colleges than just my one, right?
The Evil Ramen King: Again, I apologize for causing any extended nosebleeds, excessive laughter, or any bruises for falling out of your chairs. I had ABSOLUTELY no intention of doing that. Starrilight_Hotaru made me do it. I give her props for that, even though I do regret it somewhat for doing that to you all.
I have finally updated. Star told me that someone had e-mailed her about me updating this so here it is, in its full glory of insanity. Well, school’s back in so I guess I’m restricted some to the computers. So that means I gotta go now. See ya!
BA326’s Final Thoughts
Does it make sense to be on the phone with someone and YahooIMing them at the same time? I mean, all Star and I were doing on IM was making up new ways to use swear words, making things like Shitalicious and Biotchified. And then we started naming as many J-pop songs that we knew. Are we in any case SANE?! Well, that’s what sugar, caffeine, and boredom does to ya. Jaa!
“Why does he have to be such an arrogant baka? I can’t even figure out how I fell in love with him. He doesn’t understand anything about me now, and he’s so insensitive! How am I supposed to love a pig-headed jerk like him again?” Kagome said as she flopped down on her bed. She was in her pajamas with a big, fluffy towel wrapped around her hair.
It had been about an hour since her run-in with Inuyasha under Goshinboku, and she was still steamed about her mate’s attitude.
Kagome placed her right arm over her eyes, hoping all of her problems would disappear into the dark abyss of the insides of her eyelids. After deciding that she already knew it wasn’t going to happen, she sat up and walked over to her dresser to brush her hair. She loosed the towel, and her damp hair fell all over her face. With the towel around her shoulders, she began to brush her hair back using the blow dryer to dry it. Before she was halfway done, a thought came to her mind.
Setting the brush and dryer down, Kagome looked in the mirror. She saw a young woman that looked like she hadn’t aged one day since she graduated from college, or at least from what pictures she saw. Her raven hair stopped an inch below her waist, and, if one looked close enough, small specks of molten golden blended in her hazel brown eyes. Kagome examined every detail of herself that she could, and yet she couldn’t remember what her body felt like before when she was pregnant, when she had been with Inuyasha all those times, how she wielded a bow and arrow properly, how she felt and knew herself and everything around her. It was like her whole life before was a forgotten dream.
‘Why? Why can’t I remember? I want to know who I am, but why can’t I? What’s stopping me?!’ Small drops splashed on the dresser.
Kagome moved from the mirror, wiping the water from her face and bangs. She looked out the window at the Sacred Tree. She saw the glinting of Inuyasha’s silvery hair and looked in his direction. Kagome saw an expression on his face that made her anxious and stirred something inside of her. She knew that she saw that expression a lot before but didn’t know what it meant. Inuyasha just sat there in Goshinboku, staring at her with that one look unwavering. After a few moments, Kagome moved away from the window and Inuyasha’s stare. She sat on the bed, attempting to hold her racing heart inside her ribcage.
‘That look…why was he looking at me like that? It was strange, like he wanted something or was searching out for me. What made me feel that way? Nothing makes sense!’ Kagome held her head in her hands. “What happened to do this to me? I want to know what happened to me. I want to know who I am…” she whispered as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked down at her bare legs past her shorts. Suddenly, she felt like maybe she didn’t deserve to look at herself, that she was too disgraceful to look at, even upon her own eyes. She looked to the side at her nightstand and noticed the diary sitting there, mocking her when it knew more about her like than she did now.
Reaching for the small journal, Kagome’s mind began to wonder, ‘I feel like I’m invading someone’s privacy, looking at this diary. But that’s crazy. This is my diary. I have the right to look at it. And yet, this feeling won’t let up. I feel so distant to myself. It’s like my mind can’t understand what my heart feels, as if they’re two separate being, disconnected.’
Kagome shook her head. “I won’t find out what’s wrong by just sitting here, thinking about it. This may e the only way if I can’t remember and Inuyasha, the one person that should know everything about me, won’t tell me anything,” Kagome said as she grabbed the diary from her nightstand. She searched inside her pillowcase for the key and took it out. She turned the lock, opened the book, and began reading the first entry.
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‘I was acting the way I am. What? Would you rather I act like someone that I don’t know? Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t even know who I am! You’re so impossible, Inuyasha!’
Kagome’s words kept playing through Inuyasha’s head, unrelenting. Night had already fallen, and Inuyasha was sitting in Goshinboku again. Ever since Kagome went back inside upset, he had been sitting there remorsefully, wanting to take back what he said. Inuyasha felt like beating himself up, or at least knocking down a forest. He never meant to hurt Kagome or make her cry.
‘What the hell is wrong with me lately? Kagome is suffering and helpless to do something about it. And I’ve been so cold to her, avoiding her as much as I can without her leaving my sight. And I made her cry, just because I can’t control my feelings. Why do I have to be like this?’ Inuyasha closed his eyes tightly trying to block out the image of Kagome’s teary face. He opened his eyes and looked up at the full moon. He felt a new calm take over him as he stared into the dull, pale orb. It gave him peace of mind of everything.
For some strange reason, the full moon always calmed him and gave him a new kind of energy. It rather rejuvenated him in a way. Inuyasha sat back and cleared his mind. He wanted to try to fix things from what they already were. He couldn’t stand seeing Kagome sad, especially when it was because of him.
Inuyasha looked towards Kagome’s window, hoping for some consolation, some kind of answer that would satisfy his many questions. He saw Kagome walking towards the window, water dripping from her hair. She looked ready to cry. However, Inuyasha had looked pass that. Kagome’s tendrils of hair clumped together, the moistness of them making her hair gleam in the moonlight. From his view, the moon made Kagome look like an ethereal being, her miko energy surrounding her in a protective embrace. Though it lay dormant, her energy glowed around her, like a shield. Kagome may have forgotten how to control her powers, but she unconsciously caused her energy to reflect her emotions.
Her surreal appearance stirred something inside Inuyasha. The look of complete helplessness called out to him, beckoned him. The full moon also held a significance for the yearning in him. Though it was not intentional, Kagome was calling out for someone, someone that would ease her pain. Inuyasha’s youkai heeded the call and wanted to help his mate as his carnal desires also came to mind.
Kagome looked in his direction, seeing his perch in the tree. He saw that she had very well seen him. Control was not something that he could muster, as his desires were obvious in his eyes. The look he gave her was of his pure youkai instincts. He saw and smelled the shift in her aura, could detail the confusion in her heart as she looked on at him. She didn’t know what all of it meant, he could tell. The look in his eyes, the sudden skip of her heart, the feelings that rushed at her all at once, he could feel it as if he were apart of her, and he was.
Suddenly moving from the window, Kagome ran away from him again, he knew. Inuyasha shook his head. ‘What has gotten in me, lately?’ he asked him. ‘I can’t seem to control myself. Kagome… She’s afraid… of me.’
Kagome had ran, had ran from him. He felt the fear that she held of him. Her confusion had caused fear. She was afraid of what she felt for him because she didn’t understand. There was a lot she did not know, and so, she became afraid.
‘Confusion brings about fear. Fear causes misunderstanding. Fear and confusion produce destruction. This is the way of humans,’ an unknown voice in Inuyasha’s head spoke.
“But, what does that mean?” he questioned the voice.
‘Humans destroy what they don’t understand. Kagome is human. She does not understand you. You bring her pain, confusion, sorrow. She does not want to live with something that gives her these things. Therefore, she wishes to destroy you.’
“That… That’s not true! Kagome would never do that! She… She’s not like that.”
‘Oh? But is she not human? Is she not a miko, protector of humans, destroyer of those that threaten her people? Humans and youkai, they live among each other, and yet they despise the other. To lie with the other is a vile act upon both races, a sin within itself. You are born of that act. You are a tainted creature. Humans want nothing more but to rid the world of those that have youkai blood. You are one of them. That is what her people want, that is what they command her to do. She cannot let something causes her pain to live when she is also destined to destroy it nonetheless.’
“Kagome’s different. She wouldn’t want to hurt me, let alone kill me. It’s a lie.”
‘All humans are the same, no matter what they seem like. In the end, she will destroy you.’
“No, I don’t believe you. She would never! Who are you? Why are you telling me all this?”
The voice in his head cleared his throat. ‘I am…the *Evil Ramen King!’
Inuyasha nearly fell out of the tree. “What the fuck?!”
(*Starrilight_Hotaru made me do it! I did not intend to do something like that name, but it was stuck in my head. I’m sorry if I ruined anyone’s day. Back to the story. Gomen nasai!)
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March 26, 1999
I just finished my last week of school. It’s official. I am a junior, and I am 17 today! I only have two more years before I finish. Really, I’m not as excited as I thought I would be. Right now, I should be looking for a college to go to, but I don’t know what I want to do when I graduate. I don’t know a career that I think I would be suitable. Truly, the best asset that I have is protecting the shrine from youkai who are after the Shikon no Tama, a sacred jewel that has been in my family for many generations. Even though I can sense youkai and supernatural beings and I have these miko powers (that’s what Grandpa calls them), I don’t know how to control them yet. I know how to transfer a little energy at a time into arrows, so I defend myself with that. However, how can I make a living by just staying here and protecting a jewel? I love my family here, but I want to eventually move out to have a family of my own, to a career where I can sustain myself. Maybe, maybe I’ll figure it out soon.
March 30, 1999
Today, Mom and I went to the library to do some research on a few colleges. Even Grandpa went with us. The librarian helped us find a few volumes of local and renowned colleges around Tokyo. I found three colleges that I’ve decided that I want to go when I graduate. Tokyo University of Foreign Studies, University of Tokyo, and Ashita no Mirai Academy of Kyoto. Ashita no Mirai Academy is a new school the government has just built. It has a few of the same classes as the other two, but it’s very different. Grandpa picked it out. He told me that there are several classes in which controlling supernatural powers are taught. I read about it, and the catalogue said that students are taught how to hone their skills or learn how to bring about their full potential while still being in control. Such classes were for youkai hunting, the different arts of magic, youkai training (of course for those that do not intend to harm humans), psychokinesis, and even miko training for those who wish to become priestesses, such as me. Though I’m not sure if I want to become an actual priestess, I do wish to be able to use my powers more efficiently.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am thinking about going to a NORMAL college as well. TUFS caught my interest because I want to be able to see different cultures and study about them. Within the last century, Japan has actually started being more welcome to other nations and countries around it. Even though we do have our Asian traditions, Western Civilization seems a better prospect. It’s had a lot of influence on our countries, as we have on theirs. Especially North America. The center, the United States, has many cultures planted within. It’s almost like an amalgamated country of its own. I want to travel, go to different places, experience what it’s like outside of this shrine and country. I don’t want to be held down by traditions, though I do respect them. Learning about another culture may help me gain the initiative to go and explore other lands.
My other choice, University of Tokyo, holds another career that interests me. Health and my science classes really interest me, especially Anatomy. There’s a department of Medical Sciences, dealing with these subjects, just more in depth. My reason for wanting to get into this career is to research the anatomical difference between humans and youkai. Youkai come in many forms, some are very distinguished from humans, and then some take on human forms. I want to know how this is to be. I don’t mean like experimenting on some poor youkai like it’s just a guinea pig. That would be way too cruel for me. I want to do this as humanely as possible.
It’s getting late so I’d better go to bed. I promise mama that I would help her with chores tomorrow.
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‘I get it, now. I wanted to lead a normal life while still learning about youkai and my powers, if that makes any sense,’ Kagome contemplated. ‘Maybe I’ll be able to recover if I continue to read this…’
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April 2, 1999
Houjou’s been coming around a lot lately, especially since school’s been out. Even though he’s really nice, I feel like I’m using him. He’s always doing these things for me, and he goes out of his way to do them. I think he has a crush on me, but I’m not sure. I like him as a friend and I know I should be the happiest girl in school since he’s the most popular guy in my class, but I don’t think I can return his feelings. I don’t know why, but he just doesn’t like my type. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a little too nice. I don’t think I could stand to have a guy as my boyfriend if he’s always kowtowing to me. I would feel like I’m using him, like now.
It’s not fair that Houjou has to fall in love with me, though. I know that he would make the perfect boyfriend if he found the right girl. I plan on telling him so myself before school starts back up again the week after next. I don’t mean to be cruel or callous or anything, but if I don’t do something before it’s too late, I could hurt Houjou’s feelings and lose his friendship. I don’t want to end up taking advantage of some guy that’s swooning over me like a little puppy. That’s not what I built up for myself, so I can’t just let that happen. At first, I did like the idea of having my first boyfriend with the nicest guy in school, but now my mind’s changed. I guess…maybe Houjou just chose the wrong girl. I hope that the next one will be just perfect for him. I just wish I could find mine…
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The next morning, Kagome woke up to someone shaking her. As she opened her eyes slowly, she saw slight darkness and remembered that the book was over her eyes. She pulled her diary from her face and was blinded by the sunlight pouring from the window.
‘Ah, it burns!’ her mind yelled groggily. She tried to cover her head with the comforter, wanting to go back to sleep.
“Get up, wench!” she heard a very familiar voice say.
“Go away… It’s too early in the day to get up…” she mumbled, hoping that the arms of sleep would welcome her back again for at least another hour…or five.
“Early? It’s a quarter to twelve. Get out of bed so your grandfather can stop telling me about this damn temple. I’m the only one around that’s up since your mom left earlier. Did you even hear me? I said get up!” Inuyasha snatched the covers from Kagome. She shivered from the sudden loss of the warmth and curled up into a ball. Inuyasha sighed. “You’re pitiful, you know that?”
“So sue me. I was up late last night reading. Now go away. Wake me up when it’s a decent hour…” Kagome reached back for the covers but stopped. She looked at the towering hanyou, who was glaring at her with the weirdest look. She followed his gaze down to her nightshirt and screamed the first word that came to her mind, grasping to cover her slightly exposed bosom.
“Osuwari!”
Unexpectedly, Inuyasha suddenly slammed to the floor, making everything unsteady in the room shake. Luckily, the only thing that fell was the picture hanging up on her wall to her left. It fell directly into her lap, and she picked it up to look at it.
When the spell finally wore off, he looked up at her growling lowly. “Whatcha do tha- What’s so funny?”
Kagome was close to turning red holding in her laughter. She looked over at him and shoved the picture into his face. He backed off a little to focus on the photograph. No wonder she was cracking up like a nut.
It was a photo of Kagome sleeping soundly in Inuyasha’s arms, him also asleep. The picture was innocent enough, if you ignored the fact that Inuyasha looked like a drag queen. He had on black lipstick with a crimson lip outline, blue eyeliner, purple blush, and deep blue mascara. His hair was plaited into a million pigtails with a multi-color show of ribbons. The best part of it all was that someone had ingeniously placed on a clip-on nose ring and painted a beautifully done mustache on his face. In fact, the culprits were evident behind them, laughing as they painted their partners face. Apparently, they were on an airplane, and Shippou, Kirara, Sango, and Rin were sitting directly behind them. In addition, a very obvious hand was reaching out for Sango, attempting the inevitable.
Inuyasha looked away blushing, remembering well and vividly the implications after he woke up, as Kagome burst out laughing like a maniac. He picked himself up from the floor and looked the still recovering young woman. “Whatever. Just hurry and get up. It gets annoying when your grandfather keeps trying to talk me about centuries-old legends and then yelling at me for no reason. I swear he has more mood swings than you.” He left.
Kagome fixed her room back up and got dressed. After straightening her hair up, she went downstairs for a very late and overdue breakfast. She ended up fixing herself a small salad and some fruit. While she ate, she noticed that her grandfather kept wandering around, especially outside. There probably wouldn’t have been a problem if it weren’t for the fact that it was drizzling out there. Even Inuyasha was inside, preferring to sit on the living room windowsill, just looking off into the distance.
Kagome put the dishes in the sink and started washing them. When the kitchen door slid open, Kagome called for her grandfather. “Grandpa, could you come here please?”
“Yes, Kagome dear? What is it?” he asked in a gentle tone.
“Are you all right? You were outside in the rain and you’re soaked.”
“Yes, why do you ask?” he asked, his tone becoming a little harsh.
Kagome was taken back some. “Nothing. I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay. It’s not like you do something like that, I think. But why were you outside while it was drizzling? I’m sure whatever you were doing could have waited until the rain stopped…”
“Do not concern yourself with my welfare. I am old enough to know how to take care of myself. I don’t need a child like yourself to worry about me when you think you know me. You already have enough problems with yourself, seeing as you don’t even know yourself. So stay out of my business. It would do you best.” Grandpa turned around and started to walk away.
“But, Grandpa, I was just worried.”
“If you must worry, worry about your illness, not mine. You already have enough problems. There’s no need for you to…ah!” Grandpa suddenly grabbed the side of his head and leaned against the wall for support.
“Grandpa!” Kagome tried to hold onto the old man.
“Get off of me, girl! Ah, my head…what did I just say?”
“A-Are you okay? Come on and sit down. Maybe you’re just dizzy.”
“Leave me alone, I say! I don’t need your help.” The old man pushed Kagome back into the kitchen and walked off.
Kagome stood there, trying to keep from crying. Even her own grandfather was denying her. Inuyasha suddenly appeared before her. “Kagome, what was with all the noise? Kagome? A-Are you crying?”
Kagome wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt and looked up at the hanyou. “I-I think something’s wrong with grandpa. H-He’s behaving strangely. I don’t know why, b-but I just know he’s not himself. I think he hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. Don’t think like that. Maybe he’s just cranky. He’ll come around.”
“No, it’s not like that. He-” Kagome was interrupted when she heard something fall to the ground heavily. It sounded like it came from the stares.
Inuyasha and Kagome rushed to the stairway and saw the old man collapsed on the foot of the stairs. His form seemed to be shaking. Inuyasha went to him and tried to turn him around. “Hey, old man! You okay?” When he was turned around, Kagome screamed.
Kagome’s grandfather’s eyes were rolled to the back of his head as his mouth was wide open. He was foaming at the mouth. His arms and legs were shaking as his face was twitching all over. His whole body was stiff but shaking all over.
“Kagome, hurry and call an ambulance. Hurry!” Inuyasha said in a calm but demanding tone. Kagome just stood there, shaking her head as her hands covered her mouth. “Kagome! Did you hear me? Call an ambulance! The man needs help!” She just backed slowly, fear evident on her face. “Dammit all, Kagome!” Inuyasha carefully laid his head on the steps and rushed to the kitchen to dial the operator.
“Gr-Grand…Grandpa!” Kagome ran to her grandfather’s stiffened body. He had stopped shaking and was breathing hoarsely, sounding like he was choking. She grabbed his shoulders, hoping to wake him up. “Grandpa,” she repeated. She kept sobbing his name as she buried her face in his damp shrine robes. She shook her head, hoping to deny the fact that maybe she caused this to happen. She cried as she heard Inuyasha yell at the operator for an ambulance, as he told the address, as he tried to pick her up from the unconscious man, as the paramedics took his body on the stretcher and into the ambulance down the shrine steps, as Inuyasha held her close to calm her.
Shikon no Tama- Jewel of Four Souls, the Sacred Jewel
Ashita no Mirai- Future of Tomorrow, 100% fictional college/academy. It was just a name I wanted to come up with for the story. However, Tokyo University of Foreign Studies and University of Tokyo are really colleges in Japan. I had to have some other colleges than just my one, right?
The Evil Ramen King: Again, I apologize for causing any extended nosebleeds, excessive laughter, or any bruises for falling out of your chairs. I had ABSOLUTELY no intention of doing that. Starrilight_Hotaru made me do it. I give her props for that, even though I do regret it somewhat for doing that to you all.
I have finally updated. Star told me that someone had e-mailed her about me updating this so here it is, in its full glory of insanity. Well, school’s back in so I guess I’m restricted some to the computers. So that means I gotta go now. See ya!
BA326’s Final Thoughts
Does it make sense to be on the phone with someone and YahooIMing them at the same time? I mean, all Star and I were doing on IM was making up new ways to use swear words, making things like Shitalicious and Biotchified. And then we started naming as many J-pop songs that we knew. Are we in any case SANE?! Well, that’s what sugar, caffeine, and boredom does to ya. Jaa!