InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ From the Heart ❯ From the Heart ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the original characters used in the series/manga, they are the exclusive property of Rumiko Takahashi.

Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics or music to Nothing Else Matters, that great honor belongs Metallica.

My first songfic wrote for iysongfics on LJ.  Many thanks to Knittingknots for betaing this for me. You're a life savior, sweetie!

From The Heart

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Moonlight filtered down through the heavy foliage to lightly dance on the red clad figure hidden in the shadows. Slumping forward, he reluctantly rose up from his hovel. His ears twitched, straining for any sound that he was followed. Finding none, he relaxed and sighed in relief. Slowly, moving to the edge of the bushy outcropped ridge, he settled once more. Golden orbs longingly gazed at the lush valley below. His brow furrowed as he deeply contemplated feelings he had been struggling to keep in check since she fell, no……was pulled, into his life.

Plucking the grass at his feet, he continued to rant to himself. “Stupid. I'm so stupid. I almost told her. She can't know yet. She would sacrifice everything for me. I can't let her. I won't let her,” he groused.

Gritting his teeth, he remembered the look of anguish and disbelief he placed upon Kagome's face. They were recouping from the latest attack, and he was terrified now because Naraku had succeeded in having sealed Kagome's spiritual powers. Miroku and Sango set up camp as he tended to Kagome's burns. Naraku was going to target her again and again till he destroyed the last remaining threat that could purify the Shikon no Tama. Inuyasha hated that the bastard was doing this to her, but loathed himself more for not being able to get to or to protect her from him.

Tending to her was his act of atonement for his grievous failing. Applying the ointment to Kagome's wounds, he began whispering quiet, soothing words of comfort at each grimace of discomfort that touched her face. He whispered quietly enough for only Kagome's ears, lest he be tortured the rest of the evening if the lecherous monk overheard. He lost himself in the tender outpouring of affection he had longed to give her. She was relaxed under his careful care and asked casually if he was hungry. Engrossed in his task, he answered absent mindedly, `Yes, koishii'. Her audible gasp brought him crashing back to reality and began back pedaling on what he knew he couldn't take back. All his blubbering couldn't stem the tide of raw loving emotion he saw in her eyes. He couldn't let her believe he loved her…..not now, maybe not ever. His built in emotional defense system activated, and there was no going back. He said the only thing that he knew would crush her and break the trance - telling her he was daydreaming about the past and didn't remember it was her. He wouldn't dare say it was Kikyou anymore, but it still had the desired effect as her tears threatened to fall. He did it again. He crushed the heart of the only woman who willingly loved his stained existence. Huffing, he got up and bounded away as fast as he could from the camp and away from the hurt he inflicted once again on his koishii. He heard Miroku and Shippo's shouts for him to return, but he only ran faster till he came to the cliff and hid himself in shame.

Being pulled back to the present, everything that happened the last few weeks came tumbling back - Kikyou dying again, Kagome's powers being sealed, merging the meidou with tetsusaiga, Sesshoumaru actually working with him rather than against him, and Naraku's recent attempt on Kagome's life with the help of another dead miko. These thoughts stirred his emotions back into a fevered state. Anger at himself and fear of almost losing his beloved Kagome charged to the forefront. Doubts began multiplying at the thought of losing her like he did Kikyou. Kagome would be resigned to the same fate if he failed again.

Balling his hands into fists, he angrily began pummeling the ground in front him. As he pictured Naraku's face on the dirt, his ferocity at the small patch of earth in front of him increased tenfold, till it was covered in red. A growl ripped low in his chest. “No! It won't happen! I'll die first before I let that happen!” The growl slowly developed into a sob that struggled to escape the confines of his throat. Desperation and fear overtook his heated anger; his shoulders drooped as he raised his now bloodied hands to cover his face. He choked out, “I can't…….I can't lose you too, Kagome.” Tears prickled his eyes but he refused to let them fall. His emotions were threatening to devour him, and he had to get hold of himself before his youkai did it for him.

Remembering her brilliant smile, her squeals of delight when he leaped into the air with her pressed firmly into his back, the circular patterns she rubbed on his ear tips, and feather light touches of her fingers when she tended to his wounds began to sooth his raging youkai. Though this soon began fanning the flames of another of his animal instincts. A groan passed his lips. `This is so not helping.'

Kagome would never stay behind even if he asked her to. He knew that, but his youkai would be just short of demanding it. She would argue and pout and eventually stick her finger in his face and tell him where he could stick his `staying behind'. He'd be lucky if she didn't `sit' him into oblivion for even thinking she would leave for him to handle Naraku on his own. She would state affirmatively, that her place is by his side; and truthfully, he wouldn't want it any other way. A slight smile quirked on his lips. Her loyalty, faith, and unwavering trust in him both confused and amazed him. He felt so unworthy of her friendship and devotion, but at the same time he was thankful for her presence in his life.

Inuyasha trusted her completely with his life…….and his heart. No one knew him better other than his mother. Kagome taught him that he could trust unconditionally and open himself emotionally without being judged or teased. This was a trust he never believed he would ever have with anyone. She gave him this gift, and he cherished her for it; however, being able to circumvent his embarrassment over expressing himself was a totally different matter all together.

He knew she loved him. Sango, Miroku, and Shippo told him repeatedly that she did, but he didn't want to believe or dare to hope it was true. Naraku's heart abomination had made it so he knew. After hearing her heartfelt forced confession of loving him before crashing in to rescue her, he vowed never to leave her side again. He loved her so deeply and completely; she was a daily necessity for his existence, like the air he breathed. She loved him when she shouldn't have. She would bind herself to him without hesitation or regrets, and he wanted that most in his life, to belong, to be loved. She would be ridiculed, chastised, and maybe even hunted for loving a lowly hanyou like him. Never could he ask her to live that life. His feelings, wants, and desires were irrelevant. Her happiness and safety were above everything else. Nothing else mattered.

He toyed with a smooth stone in his hands that he had absently plucked off the ground during his mental rambling. The end of their quest was coming soon. He could feel it. Uncertainty on whether she would be able to continue traveling back and forth between the two times was a growing concern. Thinking, he began rubbing the stone between thumb and middle finger anxiously. Her family was everything to her. The jewel had always found a way to fuck with everything and everyone's happiness. Kagome's was no different. He bit back the bile that was rising in his throat at the thought of never seeing Kagome again. `If the well was to close forever, could I make that sacrifice for her?' His human half practically wailed a resounding `Yes, baka, because you love her' in his head. Swallowing his resolve, he vowed again out loud, “When this is all over, Kagome, if the well is to close, I promise that I'll make sure you get home where you belong. You need your family. You belong there with them.” It wasn't a blood oath, but it would have to do. If nothing else, he would keep this unknown promise to her. Turning his attention back to the stone, he scowled and angrily flung it over the ridge and into the valley below. `It's the right thing to do, but why does it have to hurt so much?'

His posture relaxed as he came to terms with his conscience. The chilly night air began to cool his warmed skin as his thoughts drifted back to what he said to her earlier this evening. Cringing at the memory, he asked, “Will you forgive me for being weak, Kagome?” Sighing at the moon, he plucked at the grass again beside him.

The serene silence was pierced by Kagome's deafening scream. His heart skipped a beat then thundered into gear at her pained shriek. “No! Kagome!” He roared as he tore into forest in search of his beloved.

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Kagome stared in stunned silence at the back of her retreating hanyou. She blinked back her tears. Miroku and Shippo were trying to chase after him, but she knew he didn't want to be followed, and they would not find him.

Sango stopped preparing dinner, walked over and sat next to Kagome to comfort her. Sango didn't know what had happened between them, but she was sure her friend didn't deserve Inuyasha's tantrum and storming off. “Are you ok?”

Kagome knew she heard him correctly. Her hearing was fine but she obviously caught Inuyasha off guard with her question. `He called me Koishii,' she thought. Blushing as she remembered how he said it to her, she knew he meant it. But he denied saying it to her, even said he forgot that he was talking to her. Her brain made an audible click as his puzzling behavior became clear as a picture, and her melancholy mood was replaced with flaming fury. “Stupid, stupid Inuyasha! He's such a liar!” she ground out. Standing hurriedly she stomped over to her pack and snatched up a bow and slung her quiver on her back. She turned back to Sango, “He really thinks I'm a fool doesn't he?”

Sango was at a loss for words on how to comfort her. “What happened?”

Kagome chuckled mockingly. “I'll tell you what happened. His emotional constipation is what happened. I thought he was getting better dealing with his feelings since Kikyou died. Now he's pushing me away again. Baka!” Sarcasm dripped off every word.

Sango still didn't know what emotional constipation was exactly, but it seemed to be a reoccurring theme as far as Inuyasha was concerned. “Are you going after him?”

“Yes, I'm going after him. He's got some explaining to do, and I'm not going to believe his lame excuses either.” She turned to stomp off in the direction of her hanyou.

“Be careful,” Sango said as she watched her friend go in search of her heart. Shaking her head from side to side, “He always does this to her. When is he going to learn?”

Kagome ran into Miroku and Shippo on the way out of camp. They voiced their opinion of her going off on her own to search for the irate hanyou alone. She glanced in their direction with a look that had Shippo scurrying to hide under the houshi's robe. Miroku in that moment wished he could join his kitsune friend in his endeavor to hide from the inflamed miko. Miroku and Shippo turned silently and returned to camp as she continued to trek into the surrounding woods. “He'll be back soon and will bring her back with him,” Miroku stated half heartedly.

“That is, if he can even still walk after Kagome is done with him,” the kitsune snickered.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Her temper raged as she trudged through the dense forest. `I can't believe him. Why doesn't he think I'll understand?' She mused over her brooding hanyou. Thoughts of his blushing face after his unconscious admission quirked a smile to her lips as well as inflaming her own blush dusted cheeks.

She loved him with her whole heart and soul. She knew he loved her too, in his own way. At first, she believed he only enjoyed her friendly company, but as time went by she noticed subtle changes in him - the way he looked at her, how he held her hand more often, his always being concerned with her health. He even stopped going off on his own, well, until tonight that is. There had been times when she caught him looking at her with such amazement, like he couldn't believe she was there with him. The longing that his molten eyes held would make her breath catch. His eyes were truly the window to his soul. All the emotional hurt, anger, suffering, loneliness, turmoil, and longing for love and acceptance is there for everyone see, if anyone bothered to look. `Would anyone have ever triedto get as close to Inuyasha as I have, if I wasn't here?' She choked back a sob at that thought as she stepped over a log in her path. Was she the only one who has loved him for who and what he was besides his mother? Why would he push that away?

Inuyasha trusted her. She knew that as well. It was so hard to coax him out of his cast iron fortress of a heart. He could trust her, and she showed him time and time again that she trusted him with her life. She thought about the rosary that hung around his neck and debated about a good time to remove it. She really didn't need them anymore and only used them on him when he really teed her off. She gasped at her thoughtlessness. `They were meant for my protection, nothispunishment.' She vowed when she found him to make it up to him that night.

She pondered that he might not know she trusted him with her heart as well. After all the times he crushed her heart with Kikyou, he might not believe she would trust him that way. He took the brave first step when he called her Koishii, even though he might not have meant to let that cat out of the bag.

`Maybe it's time I tell him how I feel about him.' She chewed her lower lip. Kikyou only died just a short time ago. His grieving heart might not have healed yet from her passing. She sadly sighed. `It may not have been long enough yet to tell him,' she thought. He would let her know when he was ready, she was sure. She would make him understand she would wait for him till he was ready. She loved him enough to wait. `His happiness means everything to me. I will always be by his side regardless what he decides about us. I don't want him to be lonely any more. Nothing else matters.'

She had been lost in her thoughts as she continued to wander through the forest. Reaching a clearing, growling began resonating around her and it snapped her back to the here and now. “Inuyasha?” She knew it wasn't him but she had to dared to hope.

A boar youkai stepped directly onto her path. It was filthy and slobbering. As it growled and snarled at her, she wondered why she didn't smell him before now. The stench was awful. Then, out of her peripheral vision she spotted two more flanking their leader on either side of her. They seemed to be as well groomed and mannered as their boss. “Oh, this isn't good,” she whispered.

Without losing eye contact, she tentatively reached up behind her and grabbed hold of a fletch and pulled an arrow free from her quiver. Notching the arrow and pulling the bowstring taunt she took a step back the way she came as they took a step forward on her. “Ok guys, I don't want to hurt you, so why don't you just go on your merry way,” she tried bluffing unsuccessfully.

The leader snorted in a way that seriously sounded like a laugh and began advancing on her. She tried pulling at her spiritual power and mentally cursed. `Oh crap, I forgot, my powers are sealed!' Seeing no way out and panicking, she fired her arrow and hit her mark dead center in the beast's chest, although it just seemed to stun and confuse it instead of purifying it. In that second, she turned on heels and bolted back the way she came screaming Inuyasha's name until her lungs burned.

She only succeeded in pissing off the youkai with her attack, and it yanked the ineffective arrow out and tossed it onto the ground. They took off after her after hearing her cry. Running blindly through branches and brush, she tripped over a gnarled tree root protruding from the ground. She yelped in pain as she hit the ground. Her ankle throbbed in protest, as she pulled herself up to stand. Hearing her pursuers closing in, she knew she couldn't run now and notched another arrow to try and protect herself. “I'm not going down without a fight,” she vowed as she scanned with her bow back and forth at the sounds of snapping twigs and grunts coming from all around. Panting heavily, her lungs felt like they were on fire. Her adrenalin had the blood pounding in her ears and she couldn't tell where they were going to come into view.

Unexpectedly, one of the youkai jumped down from one of the tree tops directly to her left, startling her. It was so close she had no room to swing her bow around for a shot. Its right arm sported a stubby club, which it expertly swung at Kagome. She tried to dodge it but came up severely short. It clipped her enough on her left side to send her sailing into a tree. Slamming against the trunk, she swore she heard her ribs crack. Her bow clattered to the ground as her body slid down the tree's bulky girth. She struggled to glance at the advancing trio. “Please.....find me.......Inuyasha.....”, she wheezed. Blackness over took her field of vision as her head flopped forward unconsciously.

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

His heart thundered in his ears as he flew through forest, his legs pumping as fast he could make them go, praying he would get to her in time and mentally cursing himself for leaving her alone again. He knew she would come after him, her sealed spiritual power be damned to the fifth hell. It's the stupid game they unwillingly played. She would get pissed off and run back to her time, and he would chase after her, but she shouldn't have run after him this time. She couldn't defend herself properly. Did she trust him that much? His legs begun to feel wobbly, but he pressed on harder. `I have to protect her. I have to get to her in time. Nothing else matters.' he thought.

Coming to the clearing where it started with Tetsusaiga drawn, he scented Kagome, her three attackers, and blood. Finding the source on one of Kagome's arrows, he growled low in his chest. His head snapped up as he heard her yelp in pain.

Raging again through the forest, he quickly came upon a scene that just about stopped his heart from beating. One of the boar youkai had Kagome draped at her mid-section, over its arm where she dangled like a rag doll. His inner youkai roared at seeing her flopping lifelessly. Flecks of crimson blossomed in his amber glower. “Get yourfucking filthyhands off her!” He snarled.

The three boar youkai glanced sideways at one another before unceremoniously dropping Kagome in a pile on the leaf covered ground and advancing on the rabid-looking hanyou. The two underlings began flanking Inuyasha as the leader trudged forward on him. Gripping Tetsusaiga's hilt firmer he lunged to the right to strike down the larger of the youkai on his side. The other pounced onto Inuyasha's back and bit into his left shoulder after he delivered the killing blow to the youkai's partner. Howling at the searing pain now inflicting his shoulder, he grabbed a hand full of hair in front of him and flipped the lesser youkai over his head where it fell on its back at his feet. The raised fang rammed through the boar's gut, and he twisted the hilt to finish it off. The youkai screamed out and then was silenced forever more.

Inuyasha, bleeding profusely from his shoulder and with his left arm hanging uselessly at his side, turned to look at the remaining boar with fury burning in his eyes. The leader snorted defiantly at the hanyou and charged at him like a raging bull. With his right hand, he pulled Tetsusaiga back and swung the fang with all his built-up rage to come crashing down on the boar's head, effectively cleaving the youkai cleanly into two halves. Physically spent, he dropped his fang and stumbled over to his miko that lay in a heap on the ground.

“Kagome!” Trembling, he fell to his knees and turned her over onto her back to check her. Gently brushing her hair from her face, he thanked Kami she was still breathing. He gingerly grasped her with his good arm and pulled her into his lap. Cradling her head he brought his own forehead down to touch hers, nose to nose. He willed her mentally to wake up and `sit' him so he would know she would be ok. He whispered, “Stupid, why did you come after me? I wanted you to stay safe. This is definitely not on the list of safe things you're allowed to do.” He tried futilely to get a rise out of her just to have her start arguing with him.

At her lack of response, a sob tore out of his throat, and he held her tighter, his eyes screwed shut. “Come back to me, Koi. Please, come back to me.” He begged. He didn't know what else to do.

“In...u....yas....ha.....,” she breathed.

His breath hitched and his eyes shot open looking down at her fluttering lashes as she struggled to open them. He shifted her in his arm to pull her more upright. She moaned in response to being jostled. He felt a wave of relief wash over him at the sound. “Kagome?”

“Yeah,” she rasped. “You came for me.” She winced in pain when she shifted her weight in his lap.

“Always. I'll always come for you.” He exhaled the breath he was holding and gave her one of his rare smiles.

She smiled back at him, although it hurt to. “I know,” she said as she gazed into his eyes, finding there the courage she needed to continue with her original intention when she went looking for her hanyou. “Inuyasha, I need you to understand something. I don't care what happened back at camp.” He tried to interrupt, but she placed a delicate finger to his lips, silencing him. “I'd want you the way you are, no matter what you'd tell me to try to get me to think otherwise. I'll never leave your side willingly. If we ever get separated, I will find my way back to you, always. So no more excuses or explanations, ok? I know you're still hurting. I understand that more than you'll ever know. I'll take what you're capable of giving me for now. I can wait forever, if I need to. I trust you with my life as well as my heart.” Her brown pools glistened with unshed tears for her hanyou.

“Kagome….” He had no words for what he felt at this moment. He hugged her closer and nuzzled her cheek through her hair. `Koishii ,' he said with his heart. Burrowing further into her raven locks closer to her ear, he breathed her calming scent deeply. He felt her grasp the rosary as if to hold on to him. As he pulled back, she started to tug it over his head. Startled by the move, he grabbed her wrist loosely with his nearly useless arm. “What are you doing?”

“I'm freeing you from your leash. I haven't needed it for a long time. I know that you'd never hurt me. I….I…I don't want to punish you with it anymore.”

“No.” He tugged it back down into place.

“Why?”

“It's my connection to you. I don't want to be without it. Please, leave it on me,” he begged.

“But-,” she protested. Seeing the pleading look in his eyes, she relented. “Ok, but I will try not to use it the way I did before.”

“Ok.” He smirked and tried to pull her to sit upright. “We need to get you back to camp and get you bandaged up.”

“Oh, you don't look so hot yourself there.” Quirking an eyebrow, she pointed to his left shoulder that still was seeping blood.

“That's…..that's just a scratch. It'll be better by morning. You needn't worry about it.” He quickly changed the subject. “Do you think you can get on my back so I can carry you back to camp?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

He pulled her to stand up, supporting her waist with his good arm. When he thought she was stable enough on her feet, he ran over to where he dropped Tetsusaiga, snatched it up and placed it back in its scabbard.

“You ready?” he asked, walking back over and picking up her bow, then securing it to his shoulder.

“Yep.”

He crouched down in front of her, and she gingerly climbed on as he gripped her thigh with his right hand. She snuggled into his right shoulder. He sighed and enjoyed holding his Kagome while he still could.

“Inuyasha?”

“Keh.”

“As long as we're together, nothing else matters, right?”

His eyes soften and quirked a sad smile at remembering his secret vow. Trying to keep his voice light, he responded, “Yeah, nothing else matters.”

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters