InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fuyu no Shimekiri ❯ Tentative Hearts ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 3: Tentative Hearts

Kagome looked away from the daiyoukai sadly, memories of the past beginning to inundate her. "My Lord," she began, softly, hesitantly, as if unsure of his reaction, "why... why did you bring me here? Why did you call out to me, asking me to awaken, to come back to life?"

Sesshoumaru had been watching her expressions carefully, trying to get a feel for her state of mind, but she managed to catch him off guard with that question, so he was very grateful for the knock on his chamber doors that came at that moment. The interruption would give him a little bit of time to come up with an answer that wouldn't leave his dignity in tatters on the floor. He had to take this slowly - he was playing for keeps, and there was still a very large obstacle in his way - Inuyasha. As always.

He waited silently as the servants brought in trays of food, placing them on tables near her so they would be within easy reach, and continued with his thoughts. He definitely wanted to let her know in no uncertain terms what he wanted from her, but he had to talk to her about Inuyasha first. There could be no secrets between them if he were to have any hope of making her his, and the half-breed, and his fate, would directly impact whether she accepted his interest, or not. For the first time since he'd done it, he wondered if taking vengeance like he had done had been worth it, and he winced inwardly when he realized that it could very well be he paying for his actions this time.

I'm not so sure now that what I did was worth the price I might have to pay... not that I regret making those two pay for what they did to her but - it's certainly not worth losing my only chance to gain her heart for myself. He shook his head then, disgusted with himself when he realized the direction of his thoughts. I am Sesshoumaru, I do not make mistakes... nor do I regret my actions. I will just have to find a way to make her understand and accept what has been done.

He nodded as the servants bowed and retreated, closing the doors quietly behind them, then caught her gaze as he re-seated himself at the end of the futon.

As he did so, something she'd said earlier came back to him. She said that the entity that spoke to her told her that she'd 'looked for happiness in the wrong place'. Did Kagome understand that it was telling her she should have been looking at me instead of that damnable hanyou? And if she did...

"Kagome - when you were told that you'd been looking for happiness in the wrong place, what did you take that to mean?" He held himself entirely still, desperately praying for the right answer... and hoping she was not against the idea.

Kagome blushed, hard, at his question - if that voice had been wrong, she was heading for a major round of humiliation and also, hurt. After the voice had left her alone in the void, she'd had nothing else to do but think... and she'd realized how much of a fool she had been back then for herself quite well.

Reality had been right; she'd punished herself, and maybe, if the voice was correct in its hints and Sesshoumaru had cared for her, she could have found her own happiness all those years ago. And after all the time she'd spent alone with her thoughts before waking, it occured to her that all of them had been spent on the sinfully handsome male currently waiting for an answer.

How do I answer this without embarrassing myself? Crap!

"Please, Kagome, answer me honestly. I swear on my honor as daiyoukai I have no intentions of hurting or humiliating you, but I... desperately need an answer," he said, voice almost pleading.

Kagome couldn't stand the sound of that kind of need in his voice, and before she could really think, she blurted, "I thought it meant that you should have been the one I loved, that maybe you had wanted me." Eyes widening in horror, she clapped her hands over her mouth, almost frightened at the potential for harm she'd just given him.

Sesshoumaru stared at her even more intently, eyes locked on hers as he refused to let her look away. This is it... with this next question, I will know if I even have a chance...

Softly, he asked, "And if you were to find that the entity that spoke to you was correct? That it was this Sesshoumaru that craved you, wanted you to be mine? What would your reaction be?"

"Uhh... well, I - uh," she wrenched her gaze away from his, taking a deep breath, she prepared to throw herself to the wolves, so to speak, and closing her eyes, she spoke. "I would be happy with that, Lord Sesshoumaru. Why did you think that it was you I came back to? The entity, after all, told me it was my choice... and I chose to come back here, for the chance to be with you."

Heart beating like mad, she waited for his words to either make her, or break her.

"So then, if I were to ask to be allowed to court you, what would your answer be?"

Kagome jerked her head up to stare at him, almost afraid to believe what she'd just heard. "Court? What does that mean?" She had an idea, but she wanted to be sure before she put her foot any further in her mouth.

Sesshoumaru tilted his head in confusion. "Do you not know anything of youkai mating practices? I would have thought, traveling with a slayer and the half-breed, that you would have at least some idea of these things."

She shook her head in the negative. "We never really spoke about this kind of thing, Sango and I, and with Inuyasha, well, the way things stood with him, it just never came up."

"Hn. Then I will explain. A courtship is a way for potential mates to get to know each other, it is an exclusive relationship, we would be considered a couple. It would be understood by all that my intent is to mate you, making you my Lady, and there would be a scent mark to make sure that all youkai would know that you are taken, and by whom."

Kagome smiled shyly at him, pink flushing across her cheeks. "Umm, how long does a courtship last?"

Sesshoumaru smiled slightly as some of his tension washed away. "As long as the couple deems it necessary, my Lady." He raised a slender silver brow. "Understand this, Kagome. I would mate you here and now if it were up to me, but you aren't ready for that yet, so by entering into a courtship, I can give you time to get to know me and what your life would be like as my Lady. Knowing this... are you willing to enter into a courtship with me?"

Dropping her gaze to her fingers that were twisting nervously in her lap, she nodded. "H-hai, my Lord, "she whispered, "I would be honored to be courted by you."

He sighed then. One obstacle down... now for the next one. Damn you, Inuyasha - will my life ever be free of your taint?

"Kagome, before I scent mark you, there is something that I need to tell you. I want no lies or secrets between us." Standing, he moved towards the window and stared out. He could feel her sudden apprehension and fear, and hated that he was causing it, but knew that this needed to come out.

"It's about... Inuyasha - and that damnable female he mated. What I did to the both of them, because of what they did to you." He sighed again. "Maybe I shouldn't have, and maybe I had no right but - I just couldn't let what they did to you go - especially her."

He spun around at the sound of relieved laughter, a questioning look on his face. "Sesshoumaru... you really don't have to explain. You see, while I was still in the void, I realized that the piece of my soul that she'd held, was now returned to me, and that told me she was already dead. I also have access to her memories," she said, as the youkai lord flinched. "I know what you did, and - well, while I can't say I agree with it - I do understand, and honestly, I'm kinda flattered that you cared enough to go so far to even the scales."

He stared at her incredulously, almost not able to believe his luck. She wasn't angry? "So you don't hold Inuyasha's death against me," he asked suspiciously.

Kagome blinked, surprised. "But Inuyasha's not dead, Sesshoumaru. What ever gave you the idea that he was?"