InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Good-Bye, Kagome ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or the world he lives in or the other characters. I won't pretend to be that lucky.

 

Rating: R/M for adult themes.

Genre: angst, tragedy

Feedback: Review to feed the muse!

 

 

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Good-Bye, Kagome

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Too many days passed and Kagome didn't return. InuYasha waited by the well as long as he could take it, and then he leapt through. As soon as he emerged, he knew something was wrong. He felt as though someone hit him in the stomach. He went down to his knees for a moment and caught his breath.

 

He walked the path he had walked down so many times before. Each step felt like daggers running through his heart. He gently pushed open the door he always came through and froze. Mrs. Higurashi was kneeling on the floor, weeping.

 

"What's wrong?" InuYasha demanded. He was prepared for her to turn to him weeping, but not for what she actually did. She flew up from the ground and ran at him, hitting him with her small fists. He held up his hand in defense and backed into the wall, wondering if she had gone insane.

 

"You! You're the cause of my grief! How could you! You bastard!" She choked at the end and fell back to her knees.

 

"Me? What did I do?"

 

"Will it all be taken from me?" she cried. InuYasha knew she was no longer talking to him. "My husband, all my light, now my baby girl? I tried to be a good mother! All I wanted was their happiness," a sob wrenched its way from her throat.

 

"Kagome?" InuYasha whispered, feeling the daggers in his heart again while the ground seemed to fall away beneath him. Mrs. Higurashi held out a scrap of paper that had somehow survived the clenched fists and her attack on InuYasha with barely a wrinkle. InuYasha took it and read the one word written on it: Jisatsu. His throat closed and he opened the note.

 

"It's too much. Back and forth through time, failing my classes, failing my relationships. I go to school, but for what? I don't have much chance of getting a job when I'm out. I go and look for the jewel shards and for what? So InuYasha can wish to become a full demon and forget everything we've done. I'm tired of fighting for a future I might not have and a past I can't have. Where would I have ended up, anyway? The past--leaving my family and everything I know behind? Now--looking forward to no future at all? I'm tired of being the cheerleader for the group, the only one who can ever see the bright side. I can't see it anymore. InuYasha can just wait for my next incarnation. Maybe he'll have his feelings sorted out by then. Maybe I'll be reincarnated as a boy and it will all be moot.

 

"I love you, Mama, Sota, Jii-chan. I love you, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, Kaede, Yuka, Eri and Ayumi. Aishiteru, InuYasha. May this make life simpler for you.

 

"Higurashi Kagome."

 

He finished reading and clenched his fist, his eyes shut tight. He dropped the paper. "This soul is the cause of all my grief. Don't yell at me, woman, I never asked her to come. I never asked her to fall in love with me. I never asked to fall in love with her." The last word was barely audible under the choked control of InuYasha's voice.

 

"I never imagined you hadn't told her," Mrs. Higurashi whispered.

 

"I didn't want her to hurt... the way it was with me and Kikyo," he whispered. "I didn't want to take her choice to come back away from her. I hated when she left and I didn't want... If I told her..." InuYasha ignored the wetness on his cheek and gasped past the block in his chest. He handed her back the letter, letting his bangs hide his tears. "Coming to get her stopped being about the jewel so long ago..."

 

InuYasha left without another word. He jumped down the well and when he emerged on the other side and Shippo began asking him where Kagome was, he just turned his back. Everyone questioned him, but he was silent for a long time. Finally, he looked over at them, watching him, and offered all he had.

 

"She said she loves you all," he whispered, and then looked away. He leaned against the well, setting Tetsusaiga down in front of him. It was useless to him now. There was no one to protect. There was no Kagome and she wasn't ever coming back.

 

He remembered this time had been different when she went down the well. She hadn't said how long she would be gone, she had only said "Good-bye, everyone!"

 

He had replied with "Come back quickly, for once." He had seen the sad look in her eyes. It had been so unusual. Eventually, Shippo stopped asking what he meant. InuYasha glanced up when a shadow fell across him. Sango was kneeling in front of him. Her eyes widened at the sight of his tears.

 

"She's not coming back," she whispered. InuYasha shook his head, no. He tried to say, 'She can't, she's dead.' But nothing came out. He looked back down. One by one, his friends left. As soon as the last of them was gone, he took a deep breath and let his pain out. One release did not lead to another and InuYasha settled down for a long wait.

 

'InuYasha can just wait for my next incarnation.'

 

'Fine,' he thought. 'I'm waiting, Kagome. Come back, soon. Please.'

 

The End.

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Notes: I'm not sure why I wrote this. I was working on a happy fic and I guess my muse was offended. So back to tragic angst he dragged me. Teen suicide is a subject I'm too familiar with. If it seems a bit OOC for Kagome to have done it, many people would have said the same of a good 60% of kids who kill themselves. "S/He seemed so happy just yesterday!" is a very common thing to hear.

 

Translations:

Jisatsu: Suicide

Jii-chan: gramps

Aishiteru: I love you (romantic)

 

Statistics:

"The recent sharp increase in the number of child deaths is one of the most troubling developments. It seems that almost every week there are several tragic cases involving schoolchildren either taking their own lives or being murdered by a mother or father before the despairing parent commits suicide... The latest NPA data confirm that suicide by elementary- and middle-school students is a serious social problem. The suicide rate for this group rose by a massive 57.6%, representing a total of 93 innocent lives lost, 34 more than in 2002." ~J. Sean Curtin, Asia Times Online Ltd.

 

"In the United States from 1955 to 1980, the suicide rate among young people aged 15-24 rose markedly, and has remained high since... The U.S. now ranks among the highest countries in the world in the suicide rate... surpassing Japan and Sweden, countries long identified with the problem of suicide." ~Herbert Hendin, M.D., Suicide in America.

 

"In the United States, recent studies suggest that between 5 and 10 percent of adolescents have made suicide attempts . . . Suicide is currently the third leading cause of death among 15-to-24-year-olds, . . . Moreover, this incidence has increased threefold from the 1950s to the 1980s (Berman & Jobes, 1991; Fingerhut & Kleinman, 1988) . . ." James Zimmerman, "Treating Suicidal Adolescents: Is It Really Worth It?" in Treatment Approaches with Suicidal Adolescents (1995).

 

So, it's actually possible that it's more likely that Kagome would have committed suicide in the U.S. as an ordinary teenage girl. But with the combined pressures she was under in her life, she had a better chance than most teenagers of killing herself. Thankfully, she doesn't live in reality and doesn't have to deal with this stuff. But, facing it, this was one possible outcome.