InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Guilty Hero ❯ After Affects ( Chapter 40 )

Hello, everyone! No, I didn't fall off the face the of the earth. Rather, a stunning combination of the holidays, writer's block, ennui, unpleasantness at work, and Jackie Chan prevented inspiration from flowing. I hope you all aren't too disappointed with the finished product of almost two month's struggle. ^__^

Thanks, of course, go out to all who reviewed! Once again, there are too many of you to list! I can't stop grinning about that. You guys rock.

A special thanks go out to Sassy, because she's always encouraging me to write. ^__^ And Karaumea deserves a shower of appreciation for helping me through every moment of trouble with this darn thing, and for doing a fine job editing the chapter as well. You ladies are wonderful!

Also, Guilty Hero has been nominated for Best Drama in the IY FanGuild for this quarter! Yay! If you are part of the guild, please consider voting for GH. ^__^

Guilty Hero

Chapter 39: After Effects

It was with a Herculean effort that Inu-Yasha dragged his eyes open, roused by the offending sunlight streaming in. He shifted slightly, letting out a soft moan as the simple movement caused his head to pound. It seemed every scrap of light burned in his eyes, every sound was amplified a hundred times in his ears, and the slightest bit of movement forced his muscles to wail their complaints. Slowly, his brain caught up with all the unusual ailments that had befallen him: throbbing head, cotton-mouth, sore muscles, and oversensitivity.

“Hangover,” he whispered hoarsely into the sofa cushion that his face was pressed against. But why?

With a terrible groan, he pushed himself upright on the couch. Resting his elbows on his knees, he rubbed his face, blinking owlishly as the room spun in his vision. Conjuring up memories from the day prior was clearly a task for another hour. Now was merely the time for maintaining consciousness.

He shut his eyes to block out some of the light and allow the throbbing in his head to lessen. It helped to some extent, though his mind was still far from clear. With a heavy blanket smothering his awareness and the only sounds being the muffled rumble of traffic outside, he was almost lulled back to sleep.

It was the shuffling of a pair of slippers on the carpet that roused him into opening his eyes once again. Peering blearily around, he caught sight of a tousled-haired, half-asleep Kagome stumbling in from the kitchen. He watched as she slowly made her way to the front door, a tiny grin breaking his features. She was rather cute with her robe haphazardly pulled on and her hair in a tangled knot. However, even with his perception dulled, the sight of the white bandage wrapped around her head did not escape his attention.

Keeping a firm grip on the doorframe, she bent down to pick up the newspaper and then carefully stood. She turned back around, and he was able to see that she was probably even less awake then he.

“Kagome,” he mumbled, trying to force his fur-coated tongue to work. “Are you all right?” Her bandage was a cause of worry for him.

She paused in her shuffling steps, looking around a moment before laying eyes on him. Blinking a bit, she appeared to awaken, and soon realization clicked in her gaze. Her sleepy expression made the astonishing transformation into a furious glare, and her entire body tensed. Without a word, she strode back into the kitchen.

Inu-Yasha stared stupidly after her. Never had he seen her get so angry so quickly. What was worse, he wasn't sure why she was so furious. Was it because he had gotten drunk? That surely was a reason for her to get upset, but not mad. Rubbing his head, for all this thinking was doing nothing to slow the painful throbs, he sighed. He probably should find out what was bothering her.

With a firm grip on the arm of the couch, he wobbled to his feet and suppressed a groan as the room made a nauseating turn. It had been a little while since he had been afflicted with a hangover; it was like meeting a former friend that you really had no desire to see again. The reunion was familiar, unpleasant and entirely unwanted.

“Urgh,” he grunted, covering his eyes as he tottered into the kitchen. He stood in the doorway for a moment, giving his bloodshot eyes a chance to get used to the harsh lights. When the spots finally disappeared from his vision, he peered around and came upon Kagome at the table. She had the newspaper spread open in front of her and was staring dully at the pages, her head resting in her hand. Every now and again, she took a sip of tea from her mug but made no acknowledgement of his presence in the room.

After a moment of watching her, he finally pushed off the doorframe and stumbled over to the coffee maker. A quick glance inside told him that no coffee was prepared, which struck him as slightly unusual. A morning where Kagome didn't make coffee for him was rare indeed. However, he didn't bother to say anything. Her mood toward him had been made quite clear, and he didn't want to test her patience.

Once the coffeemaker was gurgling and sputtering to make his morning concoction, he leaned against the counter and shut his eyes, his ears flattening against his head. The combination of the obnoxiously loud contraption in his sensitive ears and the powerful aroma drifting from it was doing nothing to ease the ache in his head and the churning of his stomach.

Some of Kagome's hangover cure would be good right about now, he thought. But did he dare ask her for any? A particularly nasty throb in his temples answered that question for him.

“Kagome?” he asked, lurching over to the table and leaning heavily against it. “Can you tell me how to make that hangover cure?” He figured it would be better to ask how to make it himself rather than ask her to do it for him.

In response, Kagome slowly turned to give him a steely glare, one that made him take a step back in surprise. “NO,” she snapped and then abruptly turned away. Clearly ignoring him, she flipped the newspaper open to a different page and went back to her tea. Disapproval oozed out of her stiff frame.

Swallowing hard, for her gaze was enough to make his hair stand on end, he nodded silently and shuffled away from the table. Now, he was one hundred percent certain that he had done something wrong. But what? It had to have been something from the night before, but he could hardly recall the morning hours, let alone the evening.

“Damn it…” he muttered, resting his head in his hand. Once again, his drinking had caused a rift between him and Kagome, and what was worse was that he didn't know why. What had happened? What had he done?

Once the coffee had finished brewing, he poured a mug and slipped out of the kitchen; joining Kagome at the table was clearly not an option. He settled down on the couch and took a long sip of the dark brew, resting his head back and shutting his eyes. Blocking out all other distractions helped him to focus.

Okay… he thought, his brow furrowing as he tried to concentrate despite his ailments. The first thing to do was start with something he could remember. There was the meeting in Sango and Miroku's office, which he quickly brushed aside. Remembering him making a fool of himself with that embarrassing apology was not something he cared to dwell on. But what had happened after that?

A grimace broke his features as bits and pieces of his fight with Koga drifted back to him. Damn wolf… She likes tea, not coffee. You'll never win her over if you can't even remember that. He swallowed hard, for an unusual sensation rose in his chest as he thought back on Koga's numerous attempts to woo Kagome that day. “He's gonna get a punch in the face the next time I see him,” he growled under his breath.

Giving his thoughts a mental shake, he tried to move past that. After the fight with Koga, he and Kagome had talked on the bench in the training room and then walked outside together. Ah, dammit. I forgot about my smokin'… He recalled how dreadful he had felt after the fight, how tight his chest had been and how difficult it had been to breathe. A soft sigh escaped him. Yet another problem that he needed to fix.

Never mind that for now. That's for another time. What happened after that? He took another sip of coffee as he tried to think. They had been walking to her car, and then…

His eyes popped open, and he bolted upright. “The demon attack! Kagome!” Jumping to his feet despite the complaints his hungover body roared at him, he ran into the kitchen and grabbed Kagome's chair, trying to get her to look at him. “Kagome, are you all right?! Are you still hurt?!” Worry clouded his judgment, but he had to make certain she was well and whole.

However, Kagome did not seem to realize that his actions were done solely out of concern for her. At his touch, she slammed the newspaper down on the table and screeched, “Inu-Yasha, if you know what is good for you, you will leave this room right now!”

It was at that point Inu-Yasha's natural instincts kicked in. A dog has the innate sense of knowing when it is outmatched and overpowered, and it will then remove itself from the situation. He did just that, pausing only once to make certain she was all right before scuttling back to the couch.

Settling uneasily back onto the cushions, he took a shaky swallow of coffee and glanced back at Kagome out of the corner of his eye. Her icy glare remained on him another moment longer before she snatched her newspaper back up and blocked him out of her vision. He shuddered and looked away.

Guilt was now starting to gnaw at his insides. What could he have possibly done to get Kagome quite so riled? She usually was so forgiving of his faults. Rubbing his head, for his headache was pounding with a vengeance after Kagome's high-pitched outburst, he tried to bring back the events from the night prior.

It took a while for images to come to him, because his memories were starting to blur at this point. He definitely remembered the strong sensation of fear, the kind of fear that ate through your chest, closed up your throat and caused all logical thought to cease. He recalled the scent of her blood and the burning, sterile stench of the Order's hospital ward.

His time in the waiting room was as shadowy as the rest of his memories. Remembering the fear of losing her was enough to make him rest his head in his hands and sigh with relief that she was indeed with him today, even if she was screaming at him. Even the realization of his love for her did not scare him as much now that he knew she was safe and out of harm's way.

He blinked, lifting his head. “I love her…?” he whispered hesitantly, surprised by the memory that had just popped into his head. “When the hell did that happen?” Leaning back in the couch, he stared at the cup of coffee in his lap and took a deep breath. Learning that fact explained a number of things. The reason he had gotten drunk was now made all too clear. The Tap was an easy escape from such thoughts, and without Kagome around to watch him, he could easily go overboard.

He groaned softly, resting an arm over his eyes. This complicated things. Especially with her as angry at him as she was, how was he supposed to tell her? At the very least, he had made peace with himself about the fact. He could tell he had let loose all his emotions the day prior, which made the thought of being in love with Kagome easier to swallow now. Fear hadn't quite released its grip on him, but this fear stemmed from her discovery of his feelings.

He took a deep breath. That still did not explain the reason behind her bite. Something else must have happened. Screwing his face up in concentration, he tried to dredge up scenes from the Tap. Most were blurry images viewed through whiskey glasses, but an image of an angry-looking Kagome stood out among the others.

Must've been her coming to pick me up. She had every reason to be displeased at that point. But it still didn't seem like she had worked herself up into the fury she directed toward him today. Something else must have happened. With a deep frown, for dragging memories out was almost impossible at this point, he tried to recall anything from that point.

His mind was blank for the most part. He could remember seeing bits and pieces of the inside of a car, and then the seven flights of stairs that were always a daunting image for a drunk. A fuzzy Kagome always seemed to be in his vision, and she never looked too pleased.

“Dammit…” he grumbled, rubbing his face in aggravation. “I gotta figure this out. What the hell happened?!”

All of a sudden, a single memory wormed its way past his mental block. He was stunned into silence by the rush of emotion upon its arrival in his conscious. He could clearly remember a surge of frustration, and then pure bliss when Kagome's lips met his own.

For a moment, he sat frozen in his seat, his eyes wide and blank as he stared at the ceiling. He had kissed Kagome. Kagome, his nurse, his… his friend… He had kissed her. And, he had loved it. However…

Slowly, shakily, he shifted on the couch to glance at Kagome in the kitchen. She was glaring ferociously at the newspaper, her finger tapping irritably on the table. She hated it.

A soft whimper escaped his throat. Hell, she didn't just hate it, she hates me now! What the hell was I thinking, doing a damn stupid thing like that?! A rush of despair swept over him at the reality that his love for her was unrequited. I had one chance to tell her how I feel, and…damn, did I blow it.

He slumped forward and hung his head, depression clouding his thoughts and blocking his senses. Everything seemed to have happened so fast. The discovery of his love for her, the idiotic response and then her rejection… All of this had happened while he was swimming in a whiskey sea, unable to do anything but drown in his mistakes. I'm such a damned fool.

Due to his downward spiral, the sharp, insistent knocks on his front door went unnoticed by the despondent demon. The knocking went on for several moments, increasing in volume and intensity until at last Kagome slammed the newspaper down on the kitchen table and stomped into the living room. With a sharp glare at the limp form on the couch, she threw open the front door with a disgruntled, “What?!”

“Kagome!” A haggard, wild-eyed Miroku was on the doorstep, and his general appearance was enough to send Kagome's irritation flying out the window. His hair was tousled, his chin unshaven and his clothes rumpled and messy. The dark bags under his eyes implied a sleepless night, and the way he continually wrung his hands showed that something heavy weighed on his mind. “Kagome, I must talk to you! I need help!”

Blinking in surprise, Kagome stepped back and gestured for him to enter the apartment. “What's wrong? Has Muso made another attack against the Order?”

“What? No, no, no, nothing like that…” He shuffled inside, running his fingers through his disheveled locks. “There's something wrong with Sango! She's upset, and she won't let me anywhere near her! I tried, God knows I've tried to help, but she keeps pushing me away! I never meant to make her upset; I just wanted to help!”

“Miroku, please,” Kagome said soothingly, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Start from the beginning. What happened?”

He paced in front of her, taking several deep breaths in an attempt to calm down enough to talk about the events that had transpired.

“Yesterday,” he finally began, “Kaede returned to the Order, and learned of all that has been going on, and about the new threats that have threatened the Order's very existence. We had hoped that she might bring some solutions to our problems with her arrival, and she did deliver, as it were. That is the problem.”

Kagome blinked in confusion. “Your problem is that Kaede came up with a solution to a problem?”

Miroku stared at her, a spark of annoyance in his grey eyes. “Yes, Kagome, that is the problem! Kaede has assigned Kohaku the task of infiltrating the underground caverns!”

“Kohaku…? Oh, isn't that Sango's brother?” Frowning, Kagome realized the situation was more dire than it sounded. “He's rather young for such a dangerous assignment, isn't he? I know he is a talented fighter, but we are talking about a demon whose mere existence is threatening the city! Why do we need to send an innocent young boy?”

“Because he is young and innocent; that's why we're sending him! He is a human, viewed to be easily malleable by demons and thus easier to bring over to their side! We want him to become a mole, to work his way into the deepest, darkest caverns of that network and find out what exactly we are up against! No other in our ranks could be able to pull off such an assignment!”

With Miroku starting to become excitable once again, Kagome raised her hands to calm him down. “I understand, I understand. But what does this have to do with Sango and you?”

“How would you feel, sending your younger brother into a cesspool of demons that you have no knowledge of, excepting of the fact that they could overrun the city at any moment? Sango is beside herself! She thinks Kaede is just sending Kohaku to his death!”

“Ah,” Kagome replied in a small voice. She hadn't thought of that.

Miroku ceased pacing and rested his head in his hands; clearly, his sleepless night was wearing on him. “I tried so hard to ease Sango's fear once Kaede had left to tell the poor boy, but Sango would not listen to me. I told her that it was not a guarantee that he would die, and that she shouldn't worry about him.” A shudder coursed through him. “That was the wrong thing to say, as I soon found out. She just snapped. She started yelling at me, telling me it was my fault for not coming up with a different solution, my fault for not stopping Kaede. Then she slapped me and threw me out!”

Kagome couldn't help but be silently amused as she watched Miroku get so worked up again. She was quite unsurprised to hear how Sango had reacted to the news, although it seemed that Miroku, despite the fact that he had known Sango for years, hadn't a clue as to how to handle the situation.

“What's worse,” Miroku went on, “is that Kohaku agreed to do the assignment. Sango no longer has a say in the matter. I haven't spoken to her since I found that out but I know that she'll be even more upset about it! And dammit, Kagome, I just don't know what to do anymore!”

She put a hand on his arm and raised her other one to soothe him. “Okay, Miroku. First things first, you need to go to her. It doesn't matter that she kicked you out last night. Right now, she's going to need a familiar face, and you're the person she trusts the most.”

“But… but… she hit me!” he spluttered in protest. “I don't think she wants to see me right now!”

“Miroku, as her boyfriend, it is up to you to learn how to tell when she needs you and when she doesn't. Her reaction to you last night was simply one made of fear and frustration. She took those feelings out on the first person who came to her, and you, because you care for her, volunteered for that position. If that were my little brother being sent out into enemy territory, I would be acting the same way, most likely. She was just worried and lashed out at you because she knew you could take the hit.”

Rubbing his cheek, he mumbled, “Barely…”

With a small grin, Kagome continued. “Think of things from Sango's point of view. She's torn between loyalty to the city and loyalty to her family. Does she risk losing hundreds of lives in the upcoming war because she wasn't willing to risk her brother's life? That is no position to be in, but one that Sango has been forced into. She doesn't like that. She feels like she has no control in the situation. Especially now that Kohaku has agreed to do it, she surely is feeling like everything is out of her hands. And does she seem like the type to handle that well?”

Miroku shuddered again. “No. No, she is not the type.”

Patting him on the arm, Kagome tried to give him some encouraging advice. “That means that it's time for you to step in, to keep things plain and simple for her, to give her guidance when she feels like she has none. Be her support.”

A heavy sigh escaped the poor man. “But how? How can I comfort her? She's right in her feelings, you know. Kohaku is going headfirst into a suicide mission, where only the most fortunate and talented individuals will survive! He's only sixteen, for goodness sake!”

“That's true. But, if you truly care about Sango, then it will be up to you to… bend the truth a little. Look at it this way: Kohaku is a bright, incredibly talented young man. Has he ever failed an assignment?”

Miroku stared down at his shoes. “No, but he hasn't done quite so well on all of them. Fear is the one thing that gets in the way of him doing extraordinary work. He lacks the courage many of our other agents have. And with this task, he needs every last ounce of courage and then some! Sango knows this; it will be no use trying to trick her into thinking otherwise.”

“You're missing something, Miroku.”

He blinked and dragged his gaze up to meet her. “What?”

“Kohaku agreed to do the assignment, did he not? That alone shows a level of courage that he has never displayed before. Plus, it isn't smart to compare his courage to those of the other agents; they often confuse courage with stupidity.” Her tone suddenly grew darker with the last statement, and she shot a frosty glare at Inu-Yasha. He had been intrigued enough by the conversation to pull himself out of his pit of depression, but at her glance, he whimpered softly and sunk deeper into the couch.

“In this case, a lack of courage might even be better; he would certainly be more cautious once he makes it inside the caverns.” She quickly directed her attention back to Miroku, who was so worried that he hadn't noticed the exchange.

“Yes… yes, that makes sense.” He appeared to have calmed a bit. He was no longer wringing his hands and pacing, although he still sounded concerned.

Kagome smiled at him. “Take this into consideration, Miroku. Kohaku has no mother. Sango has been forced to take over that role for him. But now, it's time for Kohaku to leave the nest, spread his wings, and prove himself. She can't hold him back forever and she knows this. But, she just doesn't—”

“She doesn't want to let him go,” Miroku finished for her.

“Exactly.”

Silence fell for a moment as he digested all the newfound information, running his fingers through his hair once again. Finally, he sighed and said softly, “But she was so upset… How do I know she won't attack me again?”

With a light laugh, Kagome turned him around and gently guided him toward the door. “Isn't that part of the wonderfulness of Sango?”

Miroku choked out a short laugh, cupping his cheek once more. “If that's what you want to call it…”

As Kagome held the door open for him, she asked, “You love Sango, don't you? And you care about her?”

“Of course I do. More than anything in the world.” There was no hesitation in his reply.

Kagome took a deep breath, casting a sidelong glance at the forlorn demon on the couch. She knew he had been listening in on the whole conversation, looking for some sign of her feelings toward him. And right at this moment, she did not want Inu-Yasha to receive this piece of advice. However, Miroku needed to hear it, so she couldn't bear to keep it quiet.

Sighing heavily, she shut her eyes and said, “In that case, Miroku, the best thing you can do is stay by her side. No matter what. No matter how badly she yells at you, no matter how hard she slaps you, no matter what all she blames on you. Just be there for her.” Opening her eyes slightly, she peeked over at Inu-Yasha and was disheartened to see that the demon had sat up a bit, the faintest glimmer of hope shining through as his ears perked up and his slumped posture straightened.

“Thank you so much, Kagome,” Miroku told her in earnest, grabbing her hand and holding it for a moment. “I shall be sure to do so.”

With a weak nod in reply, for her attention was now diverted to the half-demon who she still held animosity toward, she said, “Good. Then go. Sango needs you now.”

“Yes, of course! Goodbye, and thank you again!” With that, Miroku turned and started down the stairs two at a time, clearly eager to use his newfound information.

As Kagome started to go back into the apartment, her temper flared when she noticed Inu-Yasha's eyes glued on her. He was ready to ask for her forgiveness, but she didn't want him to get his hopes up yet. So, quickly poking her head out the door again, she shouted, “Don't forget, Miroku! I know you usually like to grope Sango like a dog in heat, but keep your hands tied down for once!” She received a laugh and a wave in reply, and then he was gone.

Slowly, she closed the door, keeping her back to Inu-Yasha. She could feel his penetrating gaze, making her cringe in discomfort.

“That was meant for you as well,” she said quietly.

Inu-Yasha blinked in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? It was Miroku who had the history of groping, but certainly not him! Why would Kagome… All the blood drained out of his face as another recollection forced past the whiskey fog. A recollection involving his hand and Kagome's breast.

Kagome turned around to stare at him, her arms crossed tightly in front of her. She knew right away that realization had struck. He was white as a ghost with an unusual blend of fear, regret and sorrow gracing his features. He looked so pathetic that she had to work to keep hold of her anger at him.

“K-Kagome… I-I don't—”

“No, Inu-Yasha, just don't speak. I can hardly stand the sound of your voice right now!”

He flinched at her tone. “You're mad,” he whispered, more as a statement of fact than as a question.

It seemed that was all it took for Kagome's resolve to snap. She had kept her feelings bottled up until now, trying to remain calm and rational while Inu-Yasha dealt with the after-effects of the night before. But no longer. She could restrain herself no longer.

“Yes, Inu-Yasha, I'm mad! And I have every right to be! You did several things to me last night that could not have hurt me more! For starters, you weren't there! Do you know that the first thing I did when I regained consciousness was reach for your hand?! But I couldn't find it, Inu-Yasha! My head was killing me, I was sore and tired and all I wanted was to see you! But where were you?! Out at the Tap! Drinking! Doing the one thing I have been trying to help you quit for weeks now! How do you think that made me feel?!”

Inu-Yasha's grip on the sofa cushion beneath him was like iron. He could no longer meet her eyes and could not help but twitch with every biting sentence.

“What happened next, hm?! What happened after I went and dragged you out of that godforsaken place, reeking of whiskey and hardly able to stand on your own?! You groped me! I don't know what the hell possessed you to do such a thing but I will tell you honestly that I have never felt more violated in my life! I was groped by you of all people! Miroku, I would expect, but not you!”

He let out a soft whimper, his claws ripping through the fabric as his grip tightened. Never before had he seen Kagome so upset, and it was killing him to know that everything was his fault.

“And then, last but certainly not least, you had the nerve to kiss me! Kiss me, Inu-Yasha! For some reason you felt that if you kissed me, it would make everything all right! Well, guess what?! You were wrong! I cannot take anymore of this! I will never understand what compelled you to act the way you did last night! But, maybe you can try and explain yourself to me! Why, Inu-Yasha?! Why did you do it?!”

Silence rang out after her outburst, broken only by her labored breathing. Inu-Yasha sat frozen in his seat, still wincing in pain. He had been so selfish, so focused on his feelings the night before that he had never even realized how much his actions affected her. Slowly, he forced himself to look at Kagome, who was staring at him with tears streaming down her cheeks and her eyes blazing with anger. She really did want to know why. And she had every right to know.

“Because… I was afraid,” he finally whispered, quickly drawing his gaze back to his lap. He hated admitting it, but more so, he hated the pain he had caused her.

“Afraid of what?” Kagome snapped shortly.

He swallowed hard, her voice cutting into him like a knife. “When you were in the emergency room…and I didn't know whether you would live or die… it was then I realized how afraid I was of losing you. More so than that…” He bit his lip, trying to work up the courage to say it aloud. “I realized I was in love. And because of that, I was afraid.”

A quick glance at Kagome from under his bangs told him that he didn't have to explain that. Already her demeanor had changed from pure anger to a blend of anger and concern. She knew how deeply his relationship-- and the sudden ending of it-- with Kikyo affected him still, and for that he was grateful.

“I was a coward. I couldn't face it. I couldn't face you. That's why I went to the Tap. To escape from it all. To keep the fear at bay. And then, after some drinks, I guess I… was just able to forget the fear.”

“Or, you were too drunk to remember it,” she said icily.

He bowed his head, taking the jab. He knew he deserved it. “Whatever the reason, I no longer felt afraid. I just knew that I was in love with you and I needed to tell you somehow.”

“Then why didn't you just tell me?! Why did you have to grope and kiss me?!”

“I-I…” Inu-Yasha fumbled for an answer. “I'm not so good with words…”

“You're not good with your actions, either!” she snapped back. “How on earth does groping me tell me that you love me? That just tells me that you're interested in getting me in bed!”

He looked at her in horror. “Kagome, that's not true! I-I'm not… er… well, that is, that isn't what I meant!”

“How else could I possibly take that, Inu-Yasha?! What were you trying to say?!”

With a heavy sigh, he hung his head. He had never felt more horrible, more undeserving of the response he hoped to receive after he admitted the truth. “That I love you,” he mumbled softly.

Kagome's heart sank when she heard this. It was so difficult to ignore her own feelings toward him; her reaction to his kiss was solid proof that she could not deny she was in love as well. Unfortunately, things weren't as simple as boy loves girl, girl loves boy, happy ending ensues. She was caught in a battle between her heart and her head.

If she were to embrace Inu-Yasha's affection, his efforts to cure his alcoholism would be impeded. He would suddenly do everything for her instead of for himself. If they were to have an argument or if they were to break up, he would undoubtedly destroy any progress and go straight back to the bottle. The night prior was living proof; it wasn't the Order's demise that drove him back to drink, but the realization of his feelings for her. His heart was still too weak to bear the brunt of such a blow should things not work out.

On the other hand, if Kagome flat-out rejected him, the same result might occur. He wasn't the type to take any sort of rejection well, but she shuddered to think of his reaction if she were to deny him.

She stared at his slumped form, his shoulders hunched against another attack from her and his head bowed-- a sign that he was willing to accept any punishment she dealt him. As more time passed and he could hear nothing but silence, she could see him tense up, already preparing to deal with the rejection he felt was forthcoming.

“Inu-Yasha…” She slowly went over and climbed onto the couch beside him, gently laying her hand on his back. He twitched at her touch and lifted his head slightly, waiting to hear what she had to say.

“We can't.” She saw his eyes close, and his head drooped down once more.

“We can't be together right now, Inu-Yasha,” she went on, hoping that he wasn't blocking out her voice by this point. “I… I will admit, my feelings for you have been growing as well, but we can't risk a relationship at this point.”

“What do you mean?” he asked softly after a moment, keeping his gaze away from her. “I love you, you love me… Why can't it be that way?”

“Because. First and foremost, I want you to get well. And if your success is hinged on how our relationship is, then you won't succeed at curing your addiction.”

He frowned at her. “How do you know the relationship wouldn't go well? I've been pretty damn happy with you these past few weeks. Who's to say we can't keep it up?”

She couldn't help but smile a little. It was quite flattering to see him get so upset at the prospect of failure. “I'm not saying we wouldn't be happy, Inu-Yasha. But I am not willing to risk the chance. You know much better than I how hard it is, ridding yourself of alcohol. I don't want to jeopardize your progress with even the possibility of a… a breakup.” It felt so odd using such language around the demon when she wouldn't have dared mention the words to him before. “So for now, let's just put the idea on hold. Go back to being the way we were.” That was easier said than done, but she wanted to make sure that Inu-Yasha knew he wasn't being rejected.

He didn't appear too thrilled with the situation, but his expression of sorrow eased slightly. “But you still… you still don't hate me? Even after… er, you know?”

She let out a short laugh. “I don't hate you, Inu-Yasha. I'm a little frustrated still, but I couldn't possibly hate you. In fact, I'm sorry for the way I acted toward you this morning. Yes, I was upset, but you still didn't deserve to be treated that way.”

A blush stained his cheeks, and he found he couldn't meet her eyes. “I'm sorry for… for what I did last night. I was bein' selfish and I wasn't thinking about you.”

With a smile, she took his clawed hand in hers and said simply, “Thank you.”

Giving a tiny nod in response, Inu-Yasha kept his gaze glued to the floor. However, she could see a small grin growing on his face and she sighed in relief. He had received the dose of encouragement he needed to get past this.

“All right, then.” She quickly got to her feet, tugging her hand out of his at the same time. “You asked me for a hangover cure earlier, didn't you?”

Still a bright red, he pulled his eyes up to meet hers. “Um… yeah.”

“Well, come on. I'll make you some and then fix some proper coffee. You never do it right.”

As he got to his feet and stumbled after her into the kitchen, he couldn't help but feel a strange amount of relief. It was nice to know that, even after he made some of the stupidest mistakes in his life, Kagome still wasn't going to leave him, and life could go back to a state of normalcy.

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Kagura stood trembling in the cavern, bathed in the purple glow of Naraku's orb. Fighting to keep a smooth expression on her face, she found she was unable to control the shaking of her hands.

“Kagura…” Naraku's deep voice resonated throughout the chamber. She started at the sound, for he had been silent for several minutes. “What was the task I had given to you?”

Finding that her throat had grown dry, she had to swallow several times before answering. “I-I was given the task of keeping watch over the demons you have locked away, my lord.”

“Ah. So, you were aware.”

She took a shuddering breath, wishing that he would simply punish her for her mistake. The way he liked to toy with his prey was enough to make her go insane. “Yes, Lord Naraku, I was aware.”

There was another long stretch of silence. “Were you also aware that three demons somehow escaped from under your watchful gaze?”

Kagura decided it safer not to answer. She had learned too late that the minor ogres had escaped from their prison while she had been away from her post. It was unbearable, spending her days miles underground with no air or sunlight, and no intelligent company. She had been unable to tolerate the shadows any longer and fled the caverns for a moment of fresh air to save her sanity. It appeared that, during that time, the three demons that were stupid enough to ignore the whispers of how powerful their captor was, had broken free and stumbled into the city. Too late, she had discovered their bodies already being cleaned up by the Order's cleaning crew and she knew she was not going to get away with it.

“Kanna was kind enough to show me the footage of their little escapades out on the city streets,” Naraku continued from behind his wall of energy. “It seems they wanted to dispose the city of some useless trash. But Inu-Yasha bit back.”

Any last vestiges of hope drained out of her. She hadn't known that the ogres had attacked Inu-Yasha.

“I am planning a careful, methodical breakdown of this man, Kagura,” Naraku went on. “And these imps took it upon themselves to dispose of Inu-Yasha on their own. I don't appreciate my revenge being exacted by someone else. Someone less… capable.”

She watched as his hand slowly emerged from the orb, deceptively human for the amount of power she knew it held. Her throat closed up in fear as that damned pulsating lump of flesh emerged from the palm of his hand, taunting her with every beat.

“I am not about to give up my plans simply because one of my children could not perform a task given to them. Can you answer me? Can you tell me why those three ogres escaped, Kagura?”

It took a deep breath before she was able to answer, and even then. her voice was still hoarse. “Because, I wasn't at my post.”

“Because, you failed.” His tone suddenly became full of hatred and malice, and with that last word, he gripped her heart with enough force that she gasped in pain and collapsed to the floor. A terrible groan escaped her as his grip eased.

“I will not accept any more failure from you, my dear Kagura,” his ominous voice informed her as his hand slowly withdrew behind the wall of energy. “You are running out of chances. Any more mistakes, and you shall know the true meaning of pain. Do you understand?”

Breathing heavily, Kagura slowly pushed herself up on her elbows. She stared at the orb, her eyes brimming with hatred and contempt for the demon that held her heart imprisoned. “I understand…” she whispered.

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