InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Halves ❯ You can't take it back ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Halves

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Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and I do not make money from writing this story.

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A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, but I've got to go. I won't be around for a couple of days probably, so I'll say this now: Happy New Year and all the happiness in the world :)

Douzo = (here) Please (sit down)
Ohayou gozaimasu = Good morning (formal)
Demo = But, however

Yappari = Just as I thought

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The room was dark and the air spelled danger, but it was exactly what made him feel at home. The tatami were arranged accordingly. He was ready to receive them. Naraku smiled to himself - things couldn't go better for him. Soon, he'd make his dream come true. He would become Emperor and an era of malice and venom would wash over his Empire. He would be ruthless.

The shoji doors opened revealing a young, trembling woman, who let an older man come through before scrambling outside again. Naraku almost chuckled to himself, proud of the fear he kept instilling in his servants' hearts.

“Dozou,” he offered, gesturing towards the floor, and the daimyo took the cue and sat.

“Ohayou gozaimasu,” Fujiwara Onigumo uttered with a slight bow as Naraku merely nodded.

“Have you raised enough money?” the vengeful monster asked almost too kindly. He was known for his conniving schemes, and it was clear even a thief like Onigumo feared him.

“I am afraid there are a few daimyo that do not agree,” Fujiwara said with a bow, slightly afraid of what Naraku would say. However, the evil smirk was not what he'd expected.

“Then kill them,” Naraku instructed, leaving the poor man agape and stuttering. “Oh,” the recently awakened creature interrupted, “I forgot. You are not a murderer, but a thief.”

Indignant, “Oi! I am not a thief.”

“Oh, please,” Naraku scoffed in a sugar-coated voice, “do you want me to think all the presumably willing daimyo really gave you their money to do this? You must think I am really stupid,” he said next in a serious voice that elicited a few shivers from the daimyo. “And I cannot have this,” Naraku stated.

Almost trembling, Fujiwara bowed. Fortunately, he knew when to be humble, and Naraku rather liked this.

“One day,” the appalling monster said, “I will be Emperor, and you will be more than you've ever dreamed. Your position as father of Kikyou-Hime does you no good for the moment, but you will have so much more power when I take her as my wife.”

Horrified, Fujiwara's eyes snapped to meet Naraku's shimmering ones. Kikyou was to be his wife? He dreaded that. No, he did not want that for his only child.

“Ano, I mean… Uh… Why my daughter?”

“Well, she's not the one I want anymore, but I cannot make a commoner my wife - she will have to settle for being my concubine. Your daughter will be my wife, the Empress. How does that sound?”

Feeling like a traitor, “It sounds most delightful.” The daimyo bowed respectfully.

“Good, good.” Soon.

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Sesshomaru walked gracefully, easily catching up with his faithful servant. Jaken seemed a little intrigued, but as always, the little demon knew when to keep quiet. This was not an appropriate time to be asking questions if the prince's expression was considered, so Jaken didn't say anything of the sort.

Rin. She was a most troublesome issue that he didn't know how to solve. How did one `solve' Rin? There was no possible way. He couldn't kill her - even if he was the lowest being on earth, he could not kill his Half. And besides, it was physically impossible. He could, however, break the bond, but he knew what would happen in that case.

For a moment, Sesshomaru analyzed what he already knew.

He hated humans - no, he was disgusted by human race. Yet Rin amazed him. The little girl had managed to gain his respect, and that was not something easily achieved. There were perhaps up to five demons he respected, and now this little human added up to them. Was it normal? Was this normal?

His bastard brother didn't want to acknowledge and claim his mate - would he make the same reckless choice? No, he was superior. He knew better than that. But how could he take Rin as his Half? She was just a child! He'd have to practically raise her until he'd take her… was that normal? Wasn't that… incest? Not that he had any problems with it. If he took her now, she'd grow to love him as a father or as a brother at best. Did he want that? Would she still be able to have other feelings for him? The bond between Halves was always strong, their love was eternal, but what sort of love was it after all?

No, this was just too complicated. Sesshomaru wondered for a moment if he should tell his parents about Rin, but for the moment decided against it. Why would he do such a foolish thing? They'd force him to marry her at once, even as young as she was.

Pff. Only a child…

What was he to do?

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“Come in,” a gentle voice called. Kikyou-Hime smiled when Sango entered gleefully, bowing to the beautiful princess. The servant seemed particularly happy, which brought a sense of ease to Kikyou's heart.

“You called, Kikyou-Hime-sama?”

“I did. Sit.” Sango did as told. Kikyou looked fairly good today - she wasn't depressed, wasn't crying. She looked rather… relieved.

“What do you think of the new protector of the Shikon no Tama?” Kikyou inquired. Sango wasn't confused by the question - after all, Kikyou always wanted to know her opinion.

“I think she is wonderful. She may become a reliable friend. I like her already,” Sango said excitedly, pleased to see Kikyou smiling.

“She is, is she not? Well, I have to say I am sorry such a vile creature as Naraku managed to escape the clutches of Midoriko on Kagome's watch, but I am sure it was not her fault.” But she wasn't sure. Kikyou didn't know what to make of it. Inuyasha hadn't told her much, only that Naraku had managed to escape. But how could he when the Jewel was so pure - much more than it had ever been? There was something missing. And Kaede, she had been so… weird. Not only had she not disclosed any information to her, but she had fidgeted around her a lot. What was going on, really?

“You would tell me anything you know, wouldn't you, Sango?” Kikyou asked seriously, wiping the smile off the servant's face.

“O-of course, Kikyou-Hime-sama.”

“Good,” Kikyou declared cheerfully.

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It was something really easy, right? She just had to go to the palace, train with Kaede for the day, then return in the evening. It sounded so easy, yet she knew better. She dreaded going to the palace, because he was there. She feared training with Kaede, because she would surely feel him close and lose the little control she had over herself.

Well, it was better if she rushed things. If she managed to do a good work, then soon there would be no need for her to keep training, therefore she wouldn't need to keep coming to the palace. Yes, she had it aaaaall figured out.

She froze. She couldn't even move her orbs. Her heart beat atrociously quickly and she couldn't do anything about it. The feeling was so horrible, so dreadful, so… unearthly. Under a sakura tree, Inuyasha was hugging Kikyou-Hime. Kikyou-Hime, his wife. The one who held his heart by natural laws, not by some abnormal bond like Kagome had with him. It was far from fair, really.

It's not like I care…

But she knew better. It was useless, wasn't it? Lying to herself… it was more than useless, because she couldn't deceive her own mind and heart. It hurt like Hell, but she had to get over it. She had to get over it. Maybe she could find someone…

Finally, she noticed she had the attention of the couple and instantly bowed and hurried to get away, ignoring Inuyasha's protesting “Hey”, never leaving her eyes off the ground. It was better like this, wasn't it? To ignore him, to ignore the feeling, to ignore everything. So it became a motto.

Ignore.

Whenever her heart screamed for its potential lover, her mind chimed in, chanting the ever annoying, but oddly helpful “Ignore.” It felt good. Somewhat masochistic, but good nonetheless. Refreshing. Soothing.

She could do this.

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“I can't do this,” Kagome collapsed, somehow scraping her knees in the process. It didn't hurt as much as she was hurting inside, but it was a pain that took her mind off the most important one, so it felt good. “I can't do this,” she repeated in a whisper, hearing Kaede's disappointed sigh. The old woman was very patient, but Kagome just couldn't concentrate on a day like this. Not when she'd just seen Inuyasha being so tender with his wife. Was Kikyou-Hime pregnant? Did they get the happiness they so wanted? What about her happiness?

“I guess it can't be helped…”

“What are you saying to yourself, child?” Kaede asked suddenly, startling Kagome out of her own musings so harshly that the young woman jumped to her feet, repeating apologies. “You have to focus. If you do not focus there is nothing you can do. Free your mind, your spirit. Kagome,” the old woman drew her attention, “you are a rock.”

Kagome became expressionless, “Eh?”

Kaede's warm, friendly smile seemed almost motherly. “Imagine you are a rock on the bottom of a river. Day by day you are stuck in one peaceful place with cool, fresh water caressing you gently, but quickly - always fading away, just as new things always come and go so hastily. Sometimes, you roll just a bit, before finding another comfortable place where fish rest from time to time. You're truly helpful, because you can protect. Kagome, you are a Protector. You are a miko, and the Protector of the Shikon no Tama. You must stay strong as a rock and let nothing hurt you.” The old woman placed a hand on Kagome's shoulder, caressing it slightly. “Trust yourself.”

“Trust… myself?” There were so many feelings to be analyzed, but somehow, she knew she had no time for this. Naraku was out there, plotting her death or worse, and she had to do something to stop him. “Trust myself… yes…” She would find and kill Naraku, put the Jewel to rest, and afterwards, even if her mother didn't let her, she would find a good man, marry him and live her life happily. After all, she couldn't stay miserable all her life.

“Thank you, Kaede-sama,” Kagome said swiftly and rushed outside to her home. She had some planning to do. After all, she could be scheming, too.

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“Why are you so restless, my love?” Kikyou-Hime asked, placing a delicate hand on her husband's chest. His lost gaze hurt her deeply, because she understood his mind wasn't with her right now, but she wished she knew what was troubling him. However, there was an odd feeling about this. She might be wrong, but it seemed his mood had changed for the worse after they saw that girl, the Protector of the Shikon no Tama. But that didn't necessarily mean anything, did it?

“It's… nothing,” he replied, grasping her hand on his chest and gently pushing it off. “I have to go, alright? I remembered I had to do something.” He didn't even wait for her to acknowledge the question as he kissed her forehead before leaving hurriedly as if death itself was chasing him.

“Sango?” Kikyou called almost quietly, knowing that her faithful servant would hear her right away. As expected, the young woman appeared with a reverent bow, appearing as shocked as the princess.

“What happened, Kikyou-Hime-sama?”

“That is what I would like to know…” For the moment, this was okay. Being here with Sango, telling her about her feelings, this was okay.

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“Inuyasha-sama,” the servant bowed, chasing after him as the prince stormed past wooden pillars.

“Not now!” Inuyasha barked, holding out a hand that was supposed to stop the persistent servant from insisting, but he seemed clueless. So, “Please, Inuyasha-sama! The Emperor…” This stopped the prince. He really had no excuse for disobeying the Emperor's orders and he knew that better than anyone. But still… his head was so messed up that he barely knew his name.

Therefore, decision made, “Tell him I'll be right there.” He left for the Goshinboku.

“Demo, Inuyasha-sama!”

“Save it,” he called after the servant and hurried to the tree of ages that always soothed him and helped him make a good choice.

What I just felt…

The pain he'd felt when Kagome saw him with his wife was almost surreal. As if he were feeling her pain.

What am I saying?

There was no way they could feel each other's emotions. He had not claimed her yet, therefore it was an impossible task to reach.

However…

What scared him perhaps the most was that for a minute, he had felt like trash for being with Kikyou, and that was not normal. He was supposed to love his wife, to like being around her, to take pride in being able to call himself her husband, but the moment Kagome saw them together, he wanted to hide Kikyou, to reject her, to…

No, he shouldn't even think of it. Kikyou was his wife. Kikyou held his heart, most of it anyways, and she was his. But Kagome was also his.

Damn, such a dilemma…

Indeed, he had to think things over, because it seemed Kagome was rapidly gaining ground. He was still confused about his feelings for her as he was aware of the fact that they weren't probably natural, despite what his father said. The old man was a bit rusty, anyway.

Sighing profoundly, Inuyasha touched the old bark, closing his eyes in deep meditation. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't do it like Miroku, but it was okay. He just had to know the tree was there for him. Smiling, he went to see his father.

As soon as he got there, the servants scrambled to make way and he passed indifferently between them, gritting his teeth.

“Chichi-ue,” Inuyasha said with a slight bow, noting that the Emperor had yet to say anything. After a while, though, it became irritating. “Are you going to say anything or should I go?”

“Yappari…”

The statement was unexpected and somewhat confusing, but Inu no Taishou seemed so serious that it had to be something bad.

“You are a fool,” the Emperor continued harshly. Inuyasha didn't move, he didn't say a word, because he had never seen this utterly cold side of this father. No matter how childish he acted, no matter how rebellious he sometimes was, Inuyasha never wanted to anger or disappoint his father.

“Chichi-ue…”

“Should I tell you?” the Emperor whispered more to himself this time, but he immediately pursed his lips and sighed.

“Tell me what?”

The Emperor shook his head, “Check your face.”

Puzzled, Inuyasha ran his palm over his face and was immensely shocked to see blood. “What?! What the hell is this?” Frantically wiping his face, he discovered the source of the hot, liquid: tears. Tears of blood. Did that mean…?

“Kagome!”

Just as he was about to dash out of the room, the Emperor growled and the shoji doors closed violently, stopping Inuyasha dead in his tracks.

“You have no right!” the Emperor bellowed. He was right, of course, but, “I don't care!” the young prince shot back, rushing to open the doors only to notice that… they wouldn't budge.

“Miko. It's one of Kaede's tricks. You will not be able to get out until I growl again, and trust me, she will recognize my growl, so there is no use for you to fake one.”

“Fine,” Inuyasha sighed, “what do you want from me?”

It was obvious, of course, “To claim Higurashi Kagome.”

“It's… complicated.” The prince started pacing around nervously, his hands clasped at his back as he tensely pondered the situation. If he took Kagome as his then he would start missing Kikyou and her gentle nature, but if he lost Kagome, then…

What then?

The answer was so clear it scared him. If he ever lost Kagome, then his life was over.

Both our lives. Damn it all…

When had it become this? When had he started to feel more for Kagome? When had he started wanting to be with her? Still, Kikyou… she was his wife. That meant something, didn't it? He loved her, very much. Did he love Kagome more? The real question was, did he love Kagome at all, or was it only a desperate need to be with her? Either way, the feeling was very strong. He clutched his chest in an attempt to calm his racing heart.

“How does it feel?” the Emperor asked suddenly, startling the prince.

“Huh?”

“What does it feel like now?” He was talking about this feeling. This agony, this confusion, this… it had no real name.

“It… hurts,” but less, now that he told someone about it. “I can feel her when she's close, today I even felt some of her pain, but-”

“Wait, what?”

Well, Inuyasha supposed he shouldn't have said anything about it, but, “Today… she saw us together… Kikyou and I… and then I felt some of her pain, I…” It was hard to explain.

“This is not normal. This is not normal at all.” Suddenly, the Emperor growled and the doors opened. Surprised, Inuyasha merely gaped at him.

As if it were obvious, Inu no Taishou scoffed, “You may leave.”

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“What brings you here again?” She didn't mean to sound so sour, but she'd done a lot of thinking, and everything made her mad for some reason. Her son, Inuyasha… they were both a bunch of fools that didn't know what was good for them.

The Emperor raised an eyebrow. “What is it with you today?”

“Sesshomaru and your bastard,” she said casually and Inu no Taishou didn't as much as twitch. He was used to the ghastly term for his son, because he knew Masami wouldn't hurt Inuyasha.

“Oh. About that… will you summon Hosenki?”

The Empress stiffened. What did Inu no Taishou want with him, anyway?

“Of… course.” She closed her eyes in concentration and in no time at all a proud-looking oyster demon appeared behind the shoji doors. Gracefully, he entered and bowed deeply, a sign of his respect for the Imperial Couple.

“Inu no Taishou-sama, Masami-Hime-sama.”

“Hosenki,” the Emperor said sharply, “I need your knowledge.”

The demon grinned, “Yes?”

“It is about Halves.”

“Anata,” The Empress called. Her eyes told him she thought they could solve this themselves, but of course, she didn't know the whole story.

Ignoring her, the Emperor continued, “Is there a way for a Half to feel the other's emotions before consummating their bond?”

The air in the room became thick with anticipation and surprise, and even Hosenki appeared rather troubled. He bowed. “Inu no Taishou-sama, I do not understand why-”

“Just answer the question,” the Emperor interrupted firmly, though not harshly.

“I have never heard of such a thing, are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Anata?” The feminine voice hung between a question and a statement. She was as confused about this as her husband was. And it seemed not even Hosenki knew, and he was the one who had the vastest knowledge of Halves.

“Forgive me, Inu no Taishou-sama,” the demon said deferentially, bowing frantically. He had no answer for the question and he was intrigued himself, but there was nothing he could do. Perhaps if he knew the details… but no, he didn't dare ask.

“Very well,” the Emperor concluded, “what about the other thing? Is the pearl guarded?”

Hosenki nodded, “As you ordered.”

“You may leave.”

As soon as the old demon disappeared, Masami started panicking.

“What if there is a curse? A… a… spell? Something? Is it Sesshomaru? Please tell me it's not Sesshomaru!”

The Emperor shook his head, “It's Inuyasha.”

Masami-Hime desperately wanted to say “Thank Kami-sama” but for some reason, she couldn't. Having one with such an odd bond in her family was no good thing at all, so she couldn't feel relieved yet.

“Inuyasha cried blood today,” Inu no Taishou announced.

“That little bitch!” The Empress seemed very angry for some reason. “Commoners are such harlots - they give their body too freely!”

“I do not think she had a relationship of any type with a man, but I do think she has changed her mind. She no longer has the will to even try and have something with Inuyasha, so she has probably decided to change her life. Tears of blood are cried when the other does or thinks of something traitorous, and you know that treacherous feelings surpass all other emotions. They overwhelm one's being and take all concentration and will. Kagome is determined now and it is all Inuyasha's fault. I didn't tell him any of this, let him assume the worst. Maybe now he'll learn.”

“Let's hope,” Masami sighed.

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Inuyasha was livid. There was no word to describe the distress and utter pain he felt inside. Kagome betrayed him? What did that mean? Did she find another man and decided to spend her life with him? And why did he care anyway? He had a wife after all.

He sped some more.

No, he realized, he was past deceiving himself like this. He needed Kagome. It was that simple. He wanted her to be there, but he wanted her to wait for him, because he couldn't let go of Kikyou yet. Was it selfish? Yes, it obviously was, but he was not perfect. He wanted them both, was that so bad? Well, if he were Miroku it probably wouldn't look that wrong.

That's not true and you know it.

He found that he didn't need to ask around in order to find Kagome's home. He led himself right to it. How, he didn't know, but didn't want to find out, either. He was there and it was all that mattered. Now if only he could find her... Almost half an hour had passed since he'd cried blood, so it meant that she was probably still with that man. He'd kill him, he'd take Kagome away, and then…

Better not think about it.

There was no one at home except Kagome. Kagome, who was practicing. Kagome, who didn't smell of any man. Kagome, his Half.

Apparently, she felt him beyond any level of concentration she was practicing, judging by the way her gaze snapped up to meet his. He was pinned to the ground by her intense eyes that mesmerized him. He didn't want to ever leave her.

Waves of heat and electricity sizzled in the air between them as Kagome stood and approached him with small, hesitant steps. Her hair was sparkly and he wanted to reach out and stroke it tenderly, carefully. She deserved all the love in the world, but in the end, what could he give her?

“Kagome…” Her name. Her wonderful name that rolled off this tongue so easily, so sensually.

“Inu… yasha?”

He wanted to hear her say his name more often. At the moment, he wanted to feel her beneath him screaming his name at the top of her lungs more than he'd ever wanted anything. Nothing had ever felt this way. It was more than lust, more than what a measly feeling such as love. His father had been right - this was beyond words.

So Kagome hadn't betrayed him physically. This brought only a partial sense of relief, because he knew there were worse betrayals that this.

“Kagome.”

Throwing all sense of caution, he gripped her wrist and pulled her against his body, catching her lips with his, nibbling, sucking, licking. Their mouths fitted perfectly, as if they were made for each other. The kiss was sweet, but passionate at the same time and it burned them on the inside.

They both knew they should stop between things would evolve, but the feeling of a tongue caressing the other, of breaths intermingled, of words unspoken left them panting, gasping to retrieve their souls.

Suddenly, Kagome pushed herself away from her Half, pressing her hands against his chest then slapped him as hard as she could, causing his head to turn to the side violently.

The prince was at a loss of words.

“How dare you? How dare you when I…” she trailed off, sobs engulfing her entirely, until she started shaking from her cries. “I had it all figured out, I…” It was over now. Her resolution had crumbled underground the instant their lips met. She fell to her knees, tears coating her face as she almost choked sniveling.

“You're so cruel,” she whispered and it struck him like a knife in his heart. He didn't want to witness this, to see her weakness, because above all, he wanted her to be strong. But what could he do? He couldn't comfort her, he couldn't hug her and whisper it would be alright, because it wouldn't. He had Kikyou, and…

She has nothing…

Realizing how terrible he'd become, he rushed to the palace, determined to forget this had ever happened. It was better like this.

What have I done?