InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Halves ❯ Altered Condition and No More Chances ( Chapter 11 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Halves

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Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and I do not make money from writing this story.

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A/N:WARNING: Disturbing occurrence.

Please, PLEASE read the note at the end of the chapter.

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It was all a mistake. She'd been… caught in the heat of the moment, and oh, how she regretted it now. To know what she had to give up… to be aware of how much it would crush her… Kagome had experienced the deepest act of love between a woman and her Half, but… he wasn't hers.

She sighed, it hurt so much to even think about, “I wish there was some way to break this bond…” Yet the knowledge that there wasn't really broke through her defenses, bringing her to her knees. Humiliation was the least of her worries, because deep, soul-crushing pain was more threatening now.

Inuyasha seemed to tense up, she'd expected it. He probably had thought about it too… to be able to be freed from such a twisted prison of their feelings. If such a miracle ever happened to her, she would thank every Kami she knew of.

Therefore, her dreams, her hopes, all her world started spinning properly when she heard his deep, yet simple answer, “There is.”

A relieved smile conquered her face, there was kindness in the skies, it seemed.

“There is?” She allowed hope to spark in her chest, tiny, yet blossoming expectations.

“There is,” he repeated, returning her smile. There was no disagreement between them then - they both knew what they had to do, what had to be done. Tomorrow by this time they would be completely different people, free people. Free to love whom they wanted, free to choose their own futures.

Tomorrow, everything would change.

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The journey had been very difficult and full of purifying barriers, but the Emperor was a superior being and, naturally, succeeded in reaching the pure monk Seikai. There was a small cottage, a thin river and many trees shielding them. It was perhaps the modesty of the place that made it look so unadulterated.

A proud-looking man dressed in monk robes appeared from behind the trees, wearing an unsettling smile as he greeted the Emperor.

“Inu no Taishou-sama,” he said with a bow, “what brings you here?”

The Emperor in question raised an eyebrow - how did the man know who he was? He didn't need to ask the question though, the monk interpreted his confusion as what it was.

“You need not worry - I have read about your visit from the stars.”

“Ah,” the Emperor smiled, “yes, it is what I came to speak to you about.”

“I know,” the man instantly sobered, did he not want to help? “But before you inquire about those drawings you have,” the Emperor's lips pursed, so he knew about those too, “I must tell you that I cannot divulge too much, otherwise fate will be changed and we do not wish to bring that upon ourselves.”

“But you know what's going to happen,” the Emperor countered, frowning.

“Yes, but you do not see me running over to people to warn them about their future, do you?”

There was truth and fairness in his words and actions, yes, but something didn't quite fit, “How can you call yourself a good spiritual man if you fail to help people you could save?” It didn't seem right to the Emperor - a monk was taught to help, why didn't this one go by their moral rules?

Seikai bowed, “I am not a regular monk. I have been blessed with the gift of being able to read the stars, and that is why I cannot act like an ordinary monk. I have isolated myself in this cottage by this river so I may live a humble life and not be tempted into doing things to change people's fates. I will never divulge an entire life to someone, even if that someone is the Emperor himself.” His voice was firm, perhaps too resolute for the Emperor's liking.

“Very well then, you can at least decipher my drawings,” Inu no Taishou said, giving them to the monk for a thorough inspection.

After a while Seikai's face was still unreadable, but he had to be distressed about what he was reading. He cleared his throat, looking at the Emperor, “I trust this is about your youngest son?”

“Yes,” the Emperor nodded, yes, it was about Inuyasha, why couldn't he hurry up?

“Things do not look good.”

Well, that was a surprise. Things had never looked too good for Inuyasha, Inu no Taishou had known from the very beginning - the boy had been forced into a marriage while still not having met his Half, and now that his Half was in his life he just wouldn't leave his wife. How twisted was his destiny?

“In fact, things are to develop from bad to worse,” Seikai added with a serious tone.

And that was exactly what Inu no Taishou had feared. Would Inuyasha be as stupid as to choose Kikyou over of Kagome? Kikyou, who would never love him as Kagome would? Kikyou, who could never give him a child like Kagome could? Kikyou, his wife, the one who would die after her human life instead of being able to live as long as he did like Kagome could if given the opportunity? Inuyasha had to be a true fool to defy fate in such a way.

“Yet you should be happy that his decisions will not lead to his utter destruction and misery - I will not say anything about the conclusion of his choices, but you should not try to encourage him in any way. Just let him do things as he wishes, do not interfere, not matter how wrong his way of thinking is,” Seikai advised.

It was easy to say, easy to suggest, but hard to apply. How could he, Inu no Taishou, the Father, not try to guide his own son? The notion sounded unacceptable, he couldn't let his own son make a mistake, no. But still, he smiled at the monk and thanked him for his time before leaving. He was sure Seikai knew that his advice had gone unheard, but did it matter? The Emperor didn't know more things than before, but it was useful, his conversation with the monk had been useful. Inuyasha would have to hear him out.

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“And how can we destroy the bond?” Kagome asked eagerly, following her Half between tall trees. They'd gotten dressed hastily and hurried to end things as quickly as possible - they couldn't get there fast enough. Fortunately, Inuyasha knew exactly what had to be done and said they were an hour away from the desired place.

“I know someone,” he said hoarsely, it seemed talking was hard for him?

“Okay, alright.”

Then a guard stopped them, someone from the Imperial Army. He told Inuyasha about his mission, gave him the plans and told him to begin right away. Inuyasha nodded, of course he would, but continued with intention right after the guard's departure.

Hosenki's home wasn't too far and they got there surprisingly fast. Unexpectedly, the old oyster demon appeared before the twosome, startling them half to death.

“Somehow I knew you would come,” he said with a bow, smiling oddly.

Inuyasha was first to talk, he wanted to get this over with, “We came to break the bond. I have her consent, we're both in this.”

Hosenki, however, kept the same disturbing smile when he spoke, “I believe you are making a mistake. Do you truly understand what it means to dissolve a Half?”

“Is that what you call it?” the young prince inquired with a raised eyebrow, yes, they knew, it didn't matter really - couldn't he hurry up?

“I am not trying to change your mind, but perhaps you are too young to understand the importance of such a bond-”

“Spare us,” Inuyasha interrupted harshly, “Just do it. You said you knew how.”

“I do know,” Hosenki said with a bow, “but I feel inclined not to help you.”

“Then you should be prepared to feel inclined not to live,” Inuyasha threatened equally, Hosenki surely feared the Imperial Family.

“Very well, Inuyasha-sama, I will do as you wish. But I have one question for the young miss,” he said, turning towards Kagome, “Are you sure you are making the right decision?”

There wasn't a flicker of doubt in her eyes when she nodded solemnly, saying, “Yes.”

“Fine. Very well. So be it. This way please,” the demon said, leading the way towards a dark room that oddly resembled a torture room. Odd equipment hung from the ceiling, but the twosome paid it no mind. They were there to finish with this throbbing ache and have a better future, no physical pain mattered as long as they could pull this off.

“This is not going to hurt. However, I still believe this is not what you should do,” it was the last time Hosenki told them this. Afterwards, his consciousness would be clear.

“Save it,” Inuyasha grunted and was pleased when the demon smiled.

Kagome didn't feel bad about it when she sat on a wooden chair, she didn't regret it when she looked at Inuyasha, knowing that it would be the last time she'd see him from this light. She didn't want to prolong this unearthly love she felt for him, she didn't want her heart to ache so much in his presence. She completely ignored the call of her soul, in favor of the praising of her mind. Perhaps this was for the best. No, this was certainly for the best. About her life, about her future she would decide later, but now… now she just had to do this.

Inuyasha thought about Kikyou, thought about being able to have a child with her, to live in peace together for years on end. He refused to think about what Kagome would do, was he a bastard for doing so? Still, her future would belong to her now, it was best for him not to ponder on it, wasn't it? He'd have no right after all, he'd be just a part of her past. He ignored the twinge of desperation he felt at those thoughts, he wouldn't feel them in a few minutes after all. He'd just wait for it to end.

And they drank together the potion that promised them freedom, they chanted together the words that guaranteed free will, and in the end they clasped hands for the last time. They shared a deep kiss for the last time, loved each other for the last time.

There was only `lasts' for them in those moments, they vowed each other that, it was what was promised for them. Kagome relished the knowledge that she was giving him her last love-filled smile then she'd be free to give it to another, to open her heart to someone else, someone who would love her because of her, someone whom she'd love freely, naturally.

“I don't feel any different,” Inuyasha thought out loud, frowning in confusion. Was it supposed to feel like nothing had happened? He couldn't tell for sure, but had the old man tricked them?

Hosenki sighed in reply, “Truly, young people are such a pain. I believe your Father, the Emperor, has told you all that you should know about Halves. Now you may regret your decision, but it was not my call, I could have done nothing to prevent this from happening. Please do not convince anyone otherwise, and do not accuse me of the consequences of this foolish act.”

Oh, so he did break it.

“Thank you,” Kagome said sincerely, “thank you so much.” She couldn't believe how happy she was.

Hosenki wanted to open his mouth to respond, Inuyasha intended to thank him as well, but there was no time, as the dark ceiling suddenly collapsed on top of them. Inuyasha was quick in saving Kagome from the danger and the oyster demon was swift enough to save himself. Immediately, the wind brought the smell of two other demons.

“Kouga,” Inuyasha muttered, and the wolf demon appeared instantly.

“Cousin, are you alright?” he asked, appearing quite worried as he scanned the young girl at Inuyasha's side.

“Yeah, great. What's going on?”

His answer came in the form of a huge tree almost falling on top of him. He punched it away and cursed when he saw a woman floating on a huge quill holding something. From what had been described to him, that had to be Kagura. Frowning, he leaped into the air to strike, but the woman was deft, she got away.

“Damn,” the hanyou cursed under his breath, “damn it all!”

“I came after her, but couldn't kill her. I don't know if we ever will, she's scheming and I think Naraku is protecting her,” Kouga explained, rubbing the back of his neck as the hanyou clenched his fists.

Hosenki stepped closer to the two, looking from the left to the right, obviously worried. “The miko,” he addressed the half demon, “the one that was your Half, where is she?”

Kagome. Inuyasha's eyes widened ridiculously, his heart pounding madly inside his chest as his eyes searched around, hoping, praying to see her. His knees buckled at the sudden realization, no, he didn't want to believe it, but Kouga voiced it aloud anyway, “They have her.”

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Kagome woke up to the worrying feeling of being captive. Her heart throbbed painfully when she realized she was caged, a prisoner in Naraku's clutches. No, she couldn't have this. Anything but this. She had to get out, had to escape, there was no way she'd give up. Naraku was a bastard, he was a vile, pathetic creature that could never defeat the Protector Miko of the Shikon no Tama. Her gaze settled on the small, spherical rock hanging around her neck, it would surely help her, it had to help her.

“Feeling comfortable, sweetheart?” a sugary, disgusting voice that sent equally revolting shivers down her spine spoke out from seemingly nowhere.

“Don't flatter yourself, monster,” she spat, trying to discern something in the utter darkness. It would be a lot easier for her if she could see him, but he'd thought of everything, hadn't he? It was perhaps the moment that he'd been expecting for so long, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of appearing frightened and weak, no, she'd be brave, bold and spiteful.

“Monster, eh?” he taunted, the voice getting closer, dangerously closer, she rubbed her arms. How could she protect her kind, the people she cared about when she couldn't even protect herself?

She thought about her initial training with Kikyou-Hime, all the basic things the princess had taught her, she remembered all the advices Kaede had given her, all the hard training she had done with Miroku. She was ready for this, she was, she just had to reach deep within herself and find that Kagome who could defeat demons without regretting any move, a cold, detached Kagome that wouldn't care about her past or future, that would only concentrate on the present and what she could do to help others.

In a desperate moment she thought about Sango, about how torn she'd seemed, about how she surely hated her now. Kagome wanted to fight for Sango. She planned to fight for Sango.

“We'll see about that,” the creep said with smile in his words, she heard it. But it wouldn't stop her, no, it could never do that. She closed her eyes in deep concentration, ignored every word he uttered, refused to acknowledge this comments about her connection to Inuyasha, refused to let his words about Kikyou get to her. After all, she was out of that love triangle now, she just had to escape this place as well.

He tried to haunt her by promising her he would find her anywhere, and she didn't doubt for a second he could. If he was left alive, he would follow her anywhere, she'd just have to find a place where he couldn't arrive and plan his death. If she didn't succeed now. If she was left alive now.

But she wanted to be optimistic. Kagome wanted to believe that she could defeat him now, that she could avenge Sango. So she let her spiritual powers encase her in a strong barrier just like she'd practiced, she let the soothing wind of purity blow around her, felt the monster's weakness. Naraku would be hurt, he'd die, she'd make sure of that.

But there was a flaw in her plan, how could she have predicted it? How could she have known about the strange, white girl that sucked souls? The only thing Kagome could see was Naraku's dissolving body that promptly disappeared as she tried to keep her own soul into her body, as she tried to resist the strange girl's pull.

Time passed slowly, but she managed to get away, content that she had hurt Naraku, but thoroughly disappointed that she had not managed to kill him. Still, she'd do it. She'd kill him the next time. Yes, the next time would be hers.

The only thing left for her was going to Mount Hakurei, the pure mountain which demons could not approach. It was her only chance at survival.

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The Emperor wanted to yell at anyone within hearing range, how infinite was Inuyasha's stupidity? He learned from Kouga about Kagome's disappearance, how could such a thing have happened? Desperate, he hurried to reach his son and was surprised to see him perfectly calm. Was he not supposed to be in deep grief because of his Half's disappearance? Was he not supposed to be looking for her incessantly and not be able to sleep until he'd find her?

“What the Hell are you doing here, not doing anything?” he bellowed.

But Inu no Taishou wasn't expecting the blank stare Inuyasha gave him, he hadn't predicted his son's… lack of reaction.

“They terminated the bond,” Hosenki explained, appearing at the Emperor's side and lowering his head as a gesture of humbleness. Inu no Taishou's eyes widened in understanding, why was he always too late?

He turned to face his son, but Inuyasha was staring ahead, he didn't seem to be realizing what was happening with the world.

“So,” the Emperor spat bitterly, “are you going to go back to Kikyou now? She's your wife, isn't she? You're going to have beautiful children, children you're going to name together, raise together. Kagome's going to die, she's in Naraku's hands, isn't she? Isn't that what you wanted? To have her out of the picture? Well you succeeded just that.” The dog demon hoped that being sarcastic would touch Inuyasha, but it seemed not even that could. There was no hope for his son, maybe he'd been mistaken about him. Perhaps Inuyasha wasn't the good soul the Emperor had deemed him to be.

“Fine. I will find her myself if you will not. Kouga has already started. Go home to your wife, Inuyasha, I was wrong about you,” the Father said, fighting the urge to kill his own son, he wanted to howl at the prince's idiocy. Inuyasha merely turned his back to the side a bit, but didn't say a thing as the Emperor himself went to find the captive miko.

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Inuyasha didn't know what was happening to him anymore. He'd thought that terminating the bond would be fine, that it would solve everything. Kikyou deserved his love, Kikyou needed it more than Kagome did. Kikyou had saved him numerous times, she had… she had loved him unconditionally, had tried to give him children without once giving up despite all misfortunes. He knew he had chosen right, yet… his heart told him otherwise.

There was no longer that unnatural pull of his soul, that feeling that everything revolved around Kagome, yet… he couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't bring himself not to think about her. Something within him ached at the knowledge that she could be dead, and he couldn't identify what it was. Under different circumstances he'd have an appropriate name for what he was feeling, yet he knew there was no way this was love. He was done loving Kagome, his feelings for her had faded with the bond, hadn't they? Yet it felt so real, this felt so real, as his eyes betrayed him and tried to shed tears for the one that Naraku held captive.

Was Hosenki right? Had they made the wrong choice?

He found he missed her voice, her scent, her closeness, Kami, what was wrong with him?

Wiping his face with the back of his hand he grunted in his misery. He couldn't really understand what his father was saying, did it matter? Did anything matter? The fact that Kagome was gone had him almost to his knees, was that normal? Yes, he should feel guilty, yes, he should want to help her, but was it normal that he felt like killing himself for having been as careless as to allow her to be taken away? Was it right for him to wish for her presence that badly, that feverishly?

No, it wasn't… so the question that tortured him came unannounced: did he love her? Truly, honestly, with every fiber of his being, did he love Kagome? Had she managed to shatter every last one of his defenses and steal his heart? The sheer fact that she might have made him cringe in shame, he was betraying Kikyou right now. He was really betraying Kikyou right now, wasn't he?

But I… want her back.

A tear escaped his self-imposed barrier and he froze. Yes, it was obvious now, he couldn't fight it anymore, couldn't lie to himself anymore.

You will never feel something stronger than your feelings for your intended.

Inuyasha remembered his father's words, perhaps he should have done that sooner.

We are not speaking about a woman that Kami have chosen for you and you have to deal with - we are speaking about a woman that your soul has chosen.

A woman his soul had chosen, a woman his heart couldn't let go of, was this what the bond of Halves meant? Was this what Hosenki had warned them about? Perhaps they should have listened to the old man before taking the big step. Maybe they shouldn't have allowed their youth and brashness to make the decisions for them.

Inuyasha finally understood what it meant.

Halves… they were Halves regardless of whether they broke their bonds of not. The bond was only to strengthen the love, to help them. He wouldn't be able to feel her the same way now, they could never experience the same emotions as they had. It was all so very natural and human now, it would always lack the advantages a bond could bring. Like how he couldn't track her that easily now and how he couldn't feel her presence anymore. But the love would always be there, lingering in a corner, hiding from the world, because the love was natural, it had been natural all along. Why hadn't he seen that sooner?

If this ache persisted, if he couldn't quench his passion, how could he ever be happy with Kikyou? How could he ever lie to her straight-faced and not be miserable about it?

A woman your soul has chosen.

Kagome…

No, he had to save her. Completely determined, Inuyasha took off.

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The Emperor gave up. It was obvious to the naked eye that no one could find Kagome. Kouga had already admitted defeat, there was no trace of either Kagome or Naraku. They were nowhere to be found.

Yet Inu no Taishou trusted the young miko to be safe. He knew… somehow he knew that she was safe, that she was somewhere where harm couldn't touch her. He liked to believe that. He liked to think her ending would be peaceful and brought by old age rather than the hand of a monster like Naraku. The disgusting demon deserved to die, and Inu no Taishou would do everything in his power to make it happen.

“Let's go back,” he ordered to the soldiers following him, they did as told.

How could he explain to Masami that Inuyasha had done the same stupid thing as they had? How could he ever see Izayoi in the afterlife and tell her how he hadn't stopped his son for committing the sin he'd done, too? It stung, it really did, and Inu no Taishou wanted to crawl on his knees for forgiveness, yet there was no one who could offer it to him.

In these moments he missed Izayoi's warm embrace, he missed her subtle scent, her brave words. He'd loved her, truly loved her, and not because of the bond. The love was never because the bond, it was quite the opposite, yet why hadn't Inuyasha understood this? Why hadn't Inu no Taishou been able to make his own son understand the importance of the bond? The Halves bond existed because of the love. First the love, then the bond, they didn't happen chronologically, not really. Maybe that's what had misled the destroyed couple. They had simply not understood how the souls worked.

But it was too late now, entirely too late.

“Hurry up,” he yelled at the soldiers behind him and heard their deferential apologies. He didn't need them, didn't want them, the only thing he wanted was forgiveness and redemption.

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Naraku cursed loudly. There was no need to hide his disappointment. The girl had wounded him yet again, why couldn't he touch her? Why couldn't he hurt her? She was a powerful one, indeed, but he wasn't to be ignored either.

But what was most disturbing was that she'd hidden into Mount Hakurei. He knew it, yet he couldn't do anything about it. Only being near the mountain made him nauseous and brought him an outrageous headache he wanted no connection with, so he had to somehow lure her out of her barrier. Yes, he had to think of something. And he had to solve the problem about Onigumo as soon as possible, because the man's presence inside himself was a bane on his existence and he couldn't wait to get rid of it.

But maybe he'd manage both - dispose of Onigumo and get to Kagome. He just had to wait some more.

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A/N: Please, no flames if you can :D I swear, I SWEAR, this has a purpose. One of the many reasons why I chose this twist you already know - now Inuyasha can no longer feel her presence, and thus he can't really determine where she is. This is quite useful to the story. My other reasons will be revealed later, be patient. This is quite angsty, but please bear with me. I am certain that you're going to enjoy this story despite this chapter if you liked it thus far:) And besides, at least Inuyasha is sure about the fact that his love for Kagome was genuine and not because some twisted bond. That's a plus, right?

They say that you never know what you have until you've lost it - it's exactly what I was trying to portray in this chapter, hopefully I managed it. Please review :)