InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Hanyou no kokoro no naka de; Within the Heart of the Half-Demon ❯ Painful Memories ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: Inuyasha's not mine. He belongs to Takahashi-san. So do his ears. *tweak*tweak*

A/N: Here we go on chapter 4!!! Enter the den of the youkai!!! Oh yeah, and I know that that last chapter was kind of incongruent and confusing…but um it'll all come together in the end, I promise. And if I ever screw something up that seriously just doesn't make sense, please review and let me know and I will do my best to fix it. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, just don't be mean!! Thanks!

Also…Spring Break is over! And I'm still moving and have yet to set up a computer, so updates will not come as often, but I shall try of at least once a week. Please be patient!!! I will try to write as often as possible, but school and life get in the way sometimes. ..>_<.. Now…on with the story.

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Chapter 4

Painful Memories

The wind blew the parched dust off the ground. It hadn't rained in years in this land; the western desert lands. Hardly a plant was in sight in any direction, except to the east, where the edge of the Shikon Kingdom could faintly be seen. None of the youkai enjoyed that view, not for years. The small den made to house youkai stood as a lonely structure amid the dying wasteland.

“Hey flea-bag!” a gruff voice shouted over the flat, red land, “Come on over here and say that to my face!!”

A older male, about nineteen or twenty, with long silver hair, two dog ears atop, and a red haori turned to face the shouter. “I said she smells like your dirty wolves!”

“You brat!!” he switched his attention to the girl standing next to him. “Stay behind me, Ayame. Don't listen to that dirty half-breed!”

“Wha'd you say!?!?”

“That's right, ugly!”

“Don't kill him, Koga,” Ayame said.

“Don't you worry…I ain't that nice,” he said, spitting on the ground at the inu hanyou's feet.

“You lookin' to die lately, Koga? Cuz I turned out to be a nicer person than you, and I can make that happen for ya.”

“Why don't you quit runnin' your mouth and back it up with some fight? Eh, Inuyasha?”

“Look who's talkin' stupid.”

“I'll fight you! Let's go!”

“Don't need an invitation!!” Inuyasha yelled, flying straight for Koga, punch ready to fire. He swung, but Koga dodged it, attempting to kick Inuyasha in the stomach, but that backfired as Inuyasha grabbed his leg and spun him around, releasing him and letting him fly fifty feet though the air before landing with a thud in the dirt. Inuyasha smirked at him. Koga lifted himself up and turned to face the hanyou.

“You think that's funny, huh, half-breed???”

Before Inuyasha even had a chance to answer, Koga whistled, sicking his whole herd of wolves on the lonely hanyou at once. He fought some of them, throwing them off in random directions, but he failed to fight them all off, finally being taken to the ground.

“Ha! How do you like that, mutt?” Koga yelled in victory.

Inuyasha, with only one eye open, glared at the wolf. He made one last attempt to slash his attackers apart, but his strength was gone, but not as far gone as his morale.

Suddenly, a flash of light flew in front of Inuyasha's face. He ducked his head into his arms. The flash of light flew all around him. Inuyasha looked up to find all the wolves either dead around him, or running way.

“Get up.”

Inuyasha jumped up and spun around to face another silver-haired, amber-eyed inu youkai.

“What are you doing on the ground like that, you hanyou? You're a disgrace to all youkai.”

Inuyasha wiped some blood away from the corner of his mouth. “Get lost, Sesshomaru. I didn't want your help.”

Sesshomaru smirked. “Figures someone like you will not even thank his older brother for saving his life.”

“Those pests wouldn't'a killed me!”

“You were letting them.”

“Any thing would be better than living in this bloody hell!!”

“Get out of my sight.”

“The honor is mine!” Inuyasha yelled back, turning around and sprinting away.

“Stupid half-breed,” Sesshomaru sighed, walking back to the youkai den.

“Stupid Sesshomaru,” Inuyasha mumbled, running full speed toward the forest. “Who does he think he is?? Jerk…I didn't need his help!”

Inuyasha reached the edge of the forest and leaped up into the top of a tree, bouncing gracefully from treetop to treetop. He jumped down, running quickly over the top of the water. He jumped atop a boulder and made one last hop, skip and a jump, finally stopping at the base of a large tree.

“Inuyasha!!!” a childish voice came exclaimed. I small ball of brown fluff fell from the tree and landed in Inuyasha's arms.

“Well, hey, Shippo! You keepeverything under control this morning?”

“Hai!” the small kitsune piped, smile from ear to ear. A small neko youkai leaped down and landed on Inuyasha's shoulder, letting out a welcoming “mew!”

“Hey, Kirara.”

Shippo leaped down from the hanyou's arms and ran on all fours to the base of the tree. Kirara jumped up into the tree limbs, followed by Inuyasha, then the kitsune. Inuyasha removed the sword from around his waste and laid back against the truck, folding his arms into the sleeves of his haori. Shippo noticed Inuyasha's melancholy disposition, and jumped into his lap.

“What's wrong, Inuyasha?”

“Wha'd'ya mean?”

“You just seem a little sad, that's all.”

“Keh! I ain't sad!” Inuyasha huffed.

“Does it gotta do with tonight?”

Inuyasha growled and grabbed the kitsune's tail, holding him up in front of his face. “It don't got nothin' to do with that! Why don't you keep your nosy little head outta other people's business!”

“Quit getting so mad every time I ask you a simple question! What's your problem, anyway?”

Inuyasha growled again, releasing his hold of the Shippo's tail.

“Waa!” Shippo yelled as he fell to the ground. “Thanks for that, Inuyasha!”

“Don't mention it!”

Shippo gave up,climbing back into the tree, instead he plopped down at the base of the tree, still mad at Inuyasha. It was just a simple question…I'm just a kid, anyway.

Inuyasha looked up through the leaves of the tree. The sun was still a couple of hours from setting, but he was still itchy about nightfall. Geez, this sucks. There's no moon tonight. Man do I hate these nights…

*Flashback*

Inuyasha heard someone coming. `Crap!' he thought, jumping into the cover of a bush right next to him. It was nighttime, so it was dark of course, but darker than usually because it was the night of the new moon. From the small domicilethat was nearby, a small amount of light filtered out, revealing a young girl to be the one Inuyasha was hiding from. She looked about fifteen, about the same age as Inuyasha. He could hardly see her, but her saw her long black hair that fell to her knees, and that she wore a traditional priestess outfit. He gulped as she called out.

“Hello! Is someone there?”

Inuyasha ducked further down, still wondering to himself exactly why he was hiding; he was human. There was nothing to be afraid of. Before he could think anymore, he realized that a branch of the bush was tickling his nose, causing him to sneeze. {classic, huh??}

The young priestess jumped, turning to see Inuyasha's hiding place shaking. “Who's there?” she said, with only the slightest bit of fear in her voice. Inuyasha gave up and stood, exiting the bush. “Well that's a relief,” the girl said, almost laughing, “I thought maybe a demon had snuck in to the kingdom. But you're no demon.”

Inuyasha looked at the ground, “No, I'm not.”

“That's good!” She walked over to where Inuyasha stood. “What are you doing out in the forest this late at night? It's a bit chilly to be walking around alone, wouldn't you say?”

Inuyasha looked up into her face for the first time, noticing the shape of her face and color of her eyes. “It's not that cold. I's just walkin' around, I guess.”

“Oh.Well, would you like to come in?” the girlraised a hand and pointed to the building behind her. Inuyasha, from where he was standing, could see that it was not a house, but a shrine.

“Into there? No, I don't think so.”

“It's alright, I'm inviting you in. Kaede-sama won't mind. Just come in and warm up.”

Inuyasha thought for a moment. He wouldn't mind hanging around this girl for a while longer, but if he didn't get out before sunrise, there was sure to be trouble. `It's okay, I'll just leave by morning. Or before.' he thought.

“Okay,um…”

“Kikyo. My name's Kikyo.”

Inuyasha nodded. “I'm Inuyasha, Kikyo-sama.”

“Please, just Kikyo.”

Their eyes met and they exchanged smiles. She reached out a grabbed his hand, leading him into the shrine.

*End Flashback*

Inuyasha sighed deeply. And I hate them more every time…every time I have to remember her. In his head, he heard a vicious snarl and a woman's scream. He saw a flash of bright light, before closing his eyes and shaking his head. And what I did…

He dropped the subject, and looked up at the sun. “It should proly be down in about an hour, Shippo. Why haven't you taken off yet?”

The kitsune looked up at Inuyasha. “Yeah. I know. I guess I should go.”

“You know, Shi-chan. If you wanna stay around me while I'm human, it's okay. I won't get too mad, I promise,” Inuyasha said, half jokingly. “Kirara always stays around, anyway.”

“I know,” Shippo said, nodding. “It's not that, Inuyasha. I wouldn't mind being around you as a human, it's just…” he stopped abruptly, turning his eyes away from Inuyasha. Inuyasha noticed his awkward gestures and jumped down, landing right next to the kit.

“What are you talking about, Shippo? What else is there? It's not like I'm some kind of monsteron the new moon.”

“Yeah I know. You only turn into a monster on the full…”

*WHACK*

“I told you to stop bringing that up!” Inuyasha snapped, “It ain't my fault, okay!?!”

“Geez…” groaned Shippo, lifting his face from the hole in the ground, “I knew you were angry!”

Inuyasha took a deep breath, cooling himself down. Shippo sat angrily with his back against the tree and his little arms folded. Kirara watched them from high in the tree. There was a long silence, neitherone of theimmature boys willing to say anything. Shippo had just about decided it was time for him to leave, when Inuyasha finally spoke.

“Do you…” he began, “do you—transform too? Into something else? Other than yourself?”

Shippo looked at him, dumbfounded. Inuyasha seemed very serious, more so than Shippo was used to. He could tell Inuyasha was looking for a serious answer…and he seemed a little sad about it to. Shippodidn't answer right off, but sunk down onto the ground and sighed. Inuyasha looked at him and could tell he was contemplating what to say.After waiting for a few minutes, Inuyasha spoke.

“If it's that hard, kid, you don't gotta say anything.”

Inuyasha looked over at him to see his response, but the small fox didn't move. On a closer inspection, Inuyasha spotted a tear as it ran down Shippo's face.

“Hey, kid, what's wrong?”

Shippo lifted his head and sniffled. “Yeah. I do.”

Inuyasha was a bit surprised, his head overflowing with questions about the things that Shippo had kept hidden from him. He wanted to know what it was, what it looked like, why he transformed too, and why he hadn't told him yet. But seeing that the poor kid was as depressed about it as he was, Inuyasha kept his mouth closed. It wasn't long until Shippo finally decided to tell him everything.

“I was…only four years old,” he said quietly. Inuyasha listened attentively. “My parents had been gone all day…I stayed at the den with my brothers and sisters and…” he stopped for a moment and sniffled before continuing. “It was getting late that night. I had been feeling sick all day, but I didn't want to worry mom or dad so I didn't say anything. As the sun was setting I got to feeling sicker and sicker. My brothers and sisters asked what was wrong because I was acting so strange.”

Kirara leaped down from the tree and crawled into Inuyasha's lap, purring a purr of sympathy for Shippo. Inuyasha stroked Kirara's back, never taking his attention from the kit.

“And then it happened. When the sun set, I remember seeing it like it was yesterday. I watched it from inside the body of a monster. I watched his razor sharp claws tear apart each and everyone one of my brothers and sisters. I felt it as he bit down into their young flesh and slaughter them. I saw it all. I could hear them screaming. I could hear them crying. I could hear them yelling my name, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't save them. I couldn't stop the monster. I saw through his eyes, I felt his movements, I felt his heartbeat. But I couldn't stop him. I had to watch it all. And when mom and dad got home, they saw him too. They saw the monster and all he had done. I watched my mom cry as she looked over her children. I watched my dad in utter shock at what he saw. And then…and then I saw the monster attack my mom…” Shippo's crying became sobs as he told Inuyasha his story. “My dad tried to stop the monster, but it was too late. He had cut her throat. Then I saw the monster attack and slaughter my dad. I saw it all. But I couldn't stop it. I saw the moonless sky over me, and I heard the monster roar. My family dead. And I was their murderer. The moonless night made me into that monster. And I killed them.”

Shippo stopped talking for a few minutes to breathe. Inuyasha was completely stunned from the story he had just heard. It didn't seem possible. Are we that much alike?

For what seemed like hours, the forest was completely silent, as if nothing under the sun felt worthy enough to try to compete with the level of the story that had just fallen from the little kitsune's lips. As if the depth of what was happening was a phenomenon untouchable by the mere sounds and actions of the forest and its beings. The power that lied behind Shippo's story were, in fact, tied to the power of the Shikon Jewel, and there was nothing that could match it's power, so it all remained silent.

“I don't know why it happened,” Shippo finally spoke up. “I never meant for it to. But ever since that night, the new moon makes me turn into something I'm not. Something evil. Something I don't want to be, but there's nothing I can do to stop it.” Shippo stopped and, for the first time, raised his head and looked Inuyasha in the face with a complete seriousness, one Inuyasha had never seen the tike use before. “So that's why I have to leave. I have to leave every night of the new moon so that I don't do to you and Kirara what I did to my family. If that happened, Inuyasha…I don't think I could live on anymore.”

With that, Shippo stood up and began walking away, but turned around once more. “I'll be back in the morning, Inuyasha. Don't worry.”

Inuyasha shook his head. “I won't. We'll be right here in the morning.” Shippo turned to leave again, but Inuyasha called out his name and stopped him. “It's okay, you know. You're…you're not alone.”

Shippo gave him a strange look. “Not alone? What do you…”

“Hurry. The sun's almost gone.”

The kit looked and saw the tip of the sun still sticking up from behind the mountains in the distance, before scurrying off into brush.Inuyasha didn't move from the side of the tree. He watched the sun for a few more minutes until it was gone. His head was covered in black hair, nails and dog ears gone.

“I feel it even more now, Kirara,” he said absently to the purring cat in his lap. “As a human like this, I feel the pain even more. Damn, I hate these nights.”He stroked Kirara's soft fur. She lifted her head and purred louder. “I remember a night kind of like that. Like the one Shippo described. I can remember those painful memories even more now, and every new moon, I remember them better.”

Inuyasha finally stood up, setting Kirara down on the ground. She leaped up into the tree and curled in a ball on a branch. Inuyasha walked away from the tree, into the forest to take a walk.

..O..O..O..O..O..O..

“Where are you going, Kagome?”

“Just outside. I'll only be in the courtyard. I won't be long.”

Sango nodded warily as Kagome pulled her kimono tighter around her, opening the door and stepping outside. The cool night air felt so crisp, and the air smelled so fresh. Kagome took a deep breath, taking it all in. Through the tree tops she could see the stars. Oh, how she loved to see them on clear nights like these.

Kagome walked a little away from the castle courtyard, into the trees a bit, and toward the miko shrine, where Kaede lived.

“There's still so much more I want to know about the jewel,” Kagome said aloud to herself, “I wonder if Kaede would answer me a few more questions.”

She picked up her pace and headed toward the shrine. When she reached it, however, she saw that the building was dark, and there was no sign of life around.

“You don't think she's already hit the sack?”

Kagome looked cautiously in the windows of the shrine, hoping not to be out alone in the dark of night. She found a small lantern with a case of matches next to it, and after a few tries, lit the lantern, and looked again into the house.

..O..O..O..O..O..O..

Inuyasha walked slowly through the trees, kicking around leaves as he did so, thinking to himself about the past. To anyone who did not know him, he would have seemed to have been walking aimlessly, the opposite, however was true. He had purposely (though he would probably deny it) walked to the shrine where he had met Kikyo. On many ofthe moonless nights, he would walk and find himself standing at the door to the shrine, looking up at the shoji and the demon seals that surrounded it, made to keep the evil youkai out. He would spend many nights sitting alone on the wooden porch. And before the sun would rise, it would be as if he had never been there.

On this night, he had yet to reach the door of the shrine, but inevitably would end up there. He walked around only a few more trees, expecting to soon see the shrine ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a lightandjumped behind a tree and peeked around. He could hear a person walking through the leaves, and he could see the light moving. He squinted his eyes to see who had so rudely visited the shrine on such a night. The light moved around, until it finally rested and he could see the silhouette of a young girl.

Is that…no. I couldn't be.

The lantern once again swung around to reveal the face of the young girl. Inuyasha nearly swallowed his tongue as he caught a glimpse of the all too familiar face.

“Kikyo?” he accidentally said out loud.

..O..O..O..O..O..O..

Kagome spun around, quit startled. “Who—who's there?”

Inuyasha stood out from behind the tree. “Kikyo, is that you?”

“Kikyo?” Now where have I heard that name before…umm…Kagome had a flashback of the nameplate in the Shikon Shrine. That's right, one of the dead priestesses. I wonder who this guy is…and why is he calling me Kikyo?

Inuyasha took a few slow steps toward Kagome. “I'm so sorry, Kikyo…”

She stepped back. “I'm…not Kikyo. I don't think you'll find her around here, I'm sorry. Kikyo's dead.”

“Oh. Right,” Inuyasha said, a little embarrassed.

“Who are you? I've never seen you around here before. Do you live in the kingdom?”

“Uh—no. No, I just…I'm sorry.”

Inuyasha turned and walked back into the forest.

“No wait, don't go that way!” Kagome shouted after him. “That's the youkai forest!”

Inuyasha didn't turn back. He kept on walking as if she didn't exist.

“You'll get hurt if you go that way! Please come back!”

Inuyasha disappeared into the darkness, leaving the princess standing alone. A sudden gust of wind swept down and blew the fire out from the lantern. Kagome gasped and turned to see it dark within the house once again. Suddenly filled with fear, she ran back toward the castle.

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Morning came. Inuyasha awoke under the same tree that he had fallen asleep under. He stood up to see the sun just rising. He could feel the youkai inside him again. His hair was silver and his claws were sharp. He stretched and yawned like a puppy {aww!!} and looked around, figuring out which way to go.

Suddenly…

“INUYASHA!!” a young voice squealed from over his head. Before he could turn back to see what was coming, a small kitsune landed on his head, grabbing hold of his ears.

“Good morning, Inuyasha! How was your sleep??”

“Grr…” Inuyasha growled, grabbing Shippo by the tail. “Get offa me!”

“Aww, come on! I was just telling you good morning!”

“Don't touch my ears, idiot!”

“You're in a bad mood, Inuyasha. Maybe you should go back to sleep.”

“I'll put you in a sleep you ain't never wakin' out of if you jump on me like that ever again!”

Shippo ran ahead of Inuyasha, turning once to stick his tongue out, then continuing.

For a minute, Inuyasha fumed, but after cooling down, he smiled. It was true that Shippo drove him crazy, and that he was just a little kid, but Inuyasha was glad that he was around. He was glad that he had Shippo by his side all the time because perhaps they, more so than anyone else, could understand each other. The could feel each other's pain.

That's right. That little runt will probably make me go insane someday, but I'm glad he's here.

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A/N: Moving is such a pain. Before long I will have my computer set up, but until then, updating is very difficult. Thank you guys for being so patient. I will work my hardest! Hope you liked this chappy (even though it was sad) please r&r!