InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Haunted ❯ Confusing Her Heart ( Chapter 6 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 7: Confusing her heart

Inuyasha peered up at the road ahead. They had been climbing steadily since leaving the valley, heading straight into the mountains. It had been a day since they left the village behind, and the road had continued straight ahead, turning neither to the right or to the left.

He was beginning to get antsy. He could feel something ahead, but he couldn't tell what it was. He gestured for the others to stay back.

"Sango, take Kagome and get back, I don't like the feel of this. Something's coming!" he yelled.

"Inuyasha! Jewel shards, two of them and..." surprise colored her voice, "it's not a youkai, but, it feels strange!" Kagome stared ahead, frantically trying to figure out what was coming at them.

Suddenly, a green mist appeared, swirling like a cyclone, then fading away, revealing...

Kichiro.

"Fuck! Kagome! Get back - now!!" Inuyasha screamed, leaping over their confused friends heads and right into Kichiro's path. "What the hell do you think you're doing, you bastard! Get the fuck away from her!" Inuyasha was almost incoherent with rage and fear.

That bastard better not touch her! I swear, I'm gonna find out how he found her if it's the last thing I do, and when I find out who was behind this I'll fucking destroy them!

"Inuyasha!" Kagome yelled, "Calm down and get out of my way!" She looked at him as he whipped around, staring at her incredulously. "I told you, only I can deal with him. Back off!" She pushed her way in front of him.

"What do you want, Kichiro? I already told you, I can't come to the afterlife with you right now, I have things to take care of. I won't follow you after those things are finished, either. We were never betrothed, and you know it," she said quietly.

Kichiro just looked at her calmly. "And I told you, Kagome, that you will go with me. It wasn't a request. I also told you that I would not take you 'til you were done with your quest. I merely brought you two jewel shards. I took them from a demon that destroyed some villages up ahead."

Kichiro's quiet, emphatic statement sent Inuyasha over the edge. He once again pushed between him and Kagome. "Bastard! I won't ever let you take Kagome, she doesn't owe you anything!!"

"Inuyasha." Kagome's voice was deadly quiet. "I told you, you can't save me when your life is tied to Kikyou." Her eyebrow rose. "It's ironic, isn't it? I find myself in the same situation as you... your solution to it was to give Kikyou your life, how can you be so hypocritical as to say I can't do the same?"

He stared at her. "Do you really think I would let Kikyou drag me to hell? What are you, crazy? I owe Kikyou vengeance against Naraku, and I'll give her that vengeance. But that's where it ends!"

Kichiro looked amused. Glancing over at Sango, Miroku, and Shippo, he laughed. "I think you should discuss that with the Lady Kikyou, Inuyasha. She would be most displeased to hear you, you know."

Everyone stared at him, aghast. Inuyasha stiffened, and ground out, "How the hell do you know Kikyou?"

"Who do you think summoned me here?" Kichiro asked. "She needed to find a way to make you willing to go with her to hell. She reasoned that if Kagome was gone, you would have no reason to deny her." He laughed again at everyone's shocked expressions.

"I personally don't care what her intentions are, my only concern is Kagome, and her fate as my bride - in the afterlife." He looked again at Kagome. "I will have you, Kagome. Prepare yourself. Whatever your feelings for this hanyou, you won't have him. I will never allow it." He tossed the shards at her feet, and then simply disappeared.

"Fuck! I can't believe it, that bastard! I'm gonna fucking destroy him," Inuyasha growled, "and I don't care what you say, Kagome! I won't let him take you from me!" Inuyasha spun around and stalked off up the road, then turned back.

Kagome didn't appear to have heard him. "Well, Inuyasha, it looks like Kikyou is still in love with you," Kagome said, her face strangely blank. "She went to a lot of trouble to plan this out." She looked over at him.

"Whatever your feelings towards Kikyou, you'd better not interfere when I confront her, Inuyasha. She went too far this time." She looked down, then, a scowl tightening her expression. "She had no right! I've always backed off, even put myself in danger for her sake, because you love her. Even when she tried to kill me. But this time, I-will-not-back-down."

She bent down to grab the shards, and watched impassively as they became purified.

Inuyasha was paralyzed by the fire in Kagome's eyes. Her face was blank, but her eyes...

"Kagome" he began softly, "I have no intention of protecting Kikyou, if she really is involved. Don't you think we should find out for sure, though? He might be lying!"

Kagome started to speak, but Miroku cut her off. "Inuyasha, think about it. There is only one person that this scheme would benefit. And only one person who could have called his spirit to this time."

"Maybe Naraku is behind this. He's always got these convoluted schemes going... is it such a stretch to think he might be behind this one?"

Miroku shook his head. "Your reasoning, as far as it goes, is correct. However," he said, as Inuyasha's face lightened, "there is a flaw in it. Naraku would have no power to recall a human spirit, and one from a different time. Only a human priest or priestess could accomplish that. So even if Naraku was behind this, Kikyou would still have to have been the one to do it." He shook his head.

"There is another thing as well. This spirit was called from the future. Only another dead soul could do that, because time has no meaning to the dead. Only Kikyou fits. Defending her now," with a speaking glance in Kagome's direction, "will only serve to come between you and Kagome. And right now, if either of you is to survive this, you need to work together."

Kagome had walked away from the group, still holding the jewel shards that Kichiro had brought. Just like I thought. I will never be safe from Kikyou as long as I'm around Inuyasha. I may have to leave the group. Track her down on my own.

Bitterness colored her voice as she said, "I knew. No matter what I do, Inuyasha will end up hating me. The only way would be to let her kill me and get it over with. He'll protect me from everything else, but not Kikyou." She laughed harshly at herself, then.

"Why does he even bother protecting me at all, if he's gonna let one person be a threat to me, there's little point in saving me from anything, because whether it's at Naraku's hands, Kikyou's hands, or anyone elses, dead is dead!" She wiped a tear from her eye, and almost passed out when a rough hand grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.

"I cannot believe," Inuyasha ground out, "that you would really think that I would let anyone hurt you, you baka wench! If I caught Kikyou trying to kill you, I most certainly would defend you, even if it meant her death - well, second death. You know what I mean! How could you even think like that?" he shouted, angered and wanting to wipe away the bitterness he had heard in her voice.

"Damnit, woman!" He narrowed his eyes at her. "And don't even think about trying to go off on your own to face Kikyou down, I'll be with you when you do." He looked away for a moment.

"You have the right to face her about this," he said softly, glancing at her, and then looking away again. "But you will not do it alone, is that understood?"

Kagome's eyes had widened more and more with each word Inuyasha said. Does he really mean all that? Would he actually defend me? And he's agreeing that I have a right to confront Kikyou over this?

"Okay, who are you and what did you do with Inuyasha?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," she said at his exasperated look, "but you really aren't acting like yourself, you know. After three years of you defending Kikyou no matter what she did, you really can't expect me to believe everything you just said without being extremely incredulous. Even after she tried to kill me, and she told you herself that she had, you wouldn't believe it, and when she took the jewel that she stole from me and gave it to Naraku, even then you still defended her. Why is it any different now?" she finished sadly.

She shook her head, and looked at their friends almost pleadingly.

"Miroku, Sango, am I wrong? How can I believe that he would suddenly side with me after all this time? No." She tried to speak again, but it came out a twisted, painful gasp instead, as she watched Inuyasha walk away, pain in his eyes, and shoulders slumped.

"Kagome, I think you should give Inuyasha the benefit of the doubt on this one. He knows now that no one else could be behind this, and he is very, very angry that someone is trying to take you away from him. It doesn't matter that it's Kikyou, he wants revenge for this, and I think he means to have it, no matter what." Miroku nodded towards the hanyou.

"He's really frightened about losing you, Kagome," he said softly. "He was talking about it the other night. I wouldn't want to be in Kikyou's shoes when he finds her."

Tears started falling from her eyes. "Damn! I'm so confused! I just don't know anymore," she sobbed into her hands, falling to her knees in the dirt of the road.

Inuyasha turned and ran to her, grabbing her up into his arms and off the ground. "Kami, Kagome, please stop crying! I hate it when you cry!" She sounded so hurt, like her heart was being ripped out. He nuzzled his nose in her hair.

"Kagome," he groaned, "Please, please stop, I'll do anything!" That's it, I can't stand this anymore! "Sango, Miroku!" Inuyasha called out to them. "Take Shippo and find us a place to camp! I'll follow in a bit, alright? I need some time with Kagome."

I have some major fuck ups to try to fix, damnit... Fuck! I hate this.

Settling her head into his shoulder and cradling her body against his chest, he didn't even wait to hear what Sango and Miroku would say, he just leapt off into the trees at the side of the road, looking for a good place he could take her for some privacy. He looked down at her, and winced as he saw her tears. She was crying quietly now, like her soul was just too weary to fight anymore.

He held her tenderly as he ran, trying not to jostle her.

I can't believe I've hurt her so damn much. What a fool I am. It would serve me right if she turned me away, I really don't deserve her, but I can't imagine my life without her, and maybe that makes me selfish, but... I don't think I can give her up.

He looked around as they came up on a hill, noting that a rock slide sometime in the past had created a sort of cave on the leeward side of the hill. That'll do.

He entered the cave, and looking around quickly, he found the flattest part of the floor and sat down, with Kagome still in his lap. She had her face pressed to his chest, and was sniffling quietly into his suikan.

I'll just hold her and rock her for a little while, 'till she's calmer... then we can talk.

Putting his head down to hers, he started growling low in his chest. It was almost, but not quite, like purring. Kagome pulled her head away from him and looked at him incredulously for a moment, like she couldn't be sure the sound was coming from him - and then she giggled.

"I didn't know you purred, Inuyasha," she said softly, looking up into his eyes. "It's kinda relaxing."

"Keh, you baka wench," he said gruffly, reddening under her gaze. "I don't purr, I growl. But I'm glad it relaxed you, you were pretty wound up for a while there."

He looked at her for a moment, and suddenly, a memory of another time intruded. They were sitting outside in front of a fire, and she was wishing on a shooting star, with the firelight flickering on her skin and glinting in her hair, head bent forward and eyes closed, hands clasped together... she had looked like an angel that night.

But then Kaguya had interfered, and he would never in his life forget the sound of that arrow hitting Kagome in the back. It had hurt worse than when he had been shot. And seeing Kaguya taking Kagome away - he began growling, getting louder and louder - just as he had back then, until Kagome flinched.

Damn!

"It's okay, Kagome, its okay," he said soothingly. "I was just remembering another time that someone tried to take you away from me... I hate that memory."

Kagome stared up at him with wide eyes. "What are you talking about? Who?"

"Kaguya, remember?" He closed his eyes for a moment in pain. "I felt so helpless, watching that arrow come at you, and I couldn't even move a muscle. I think that's when I first began to question Kikyou's actions back in the past, you know - she didn't die to follow me, she died because her pride was hurt and she couldn't face everyone with my supposed betrayal. You, on the other hand, didn't even stop to think, you just threw yourself in front of me."

His arms tightened around her, and his voice wavered. "You almost died for me that night, and I could never have lived if you had died." He shuddered. "I would have followed you, you know."

Kagome was stunned. "What do you mean, followed me?"

"I mean... I would have followed you into the afterlife. Don't you understand, Kagome? Even after all this time?" Inuyasha hugged her to him again. "I can't ever let you go. Not ever." He smiled then. "But you know... there's one thing from that time that I remember... I remember it and it's one of my favorite memories. The first time I ever kissed someone."

"Wait a minute! That was not the first time you kissed someone... or have you forgotten?" she scowled up at him. "Did you forget that kiss with Kikyou when she tried to take you to hell?"

Inuyasha smiled at her. "Think back, Kagome... she kissed me, I didn't kiss her. And I didn't respond to the kiss, either. If you remember, I just stood there. I was kinda stunned at first, to be honest, but then it was like I felt... nothing. Not a thing, at all. Now, when you kissed me, it was a totally different story," he said, grinning even wider at her stunned expression.

"Think about it, Kagome, as soon as I woke up from that demonic haze, what did I do? I kissed you back. I responded. I couldn't have stopped myself if I'd tried. I wanted you... and I still do. I know I kinda acted stupid when Miroku brought it up afterwards," he said, ducking his head and blushing, "I was just really embarrassed, that's all. I mean it, though, Kagome. I wanted you then, and I want you now."

Kagome was shellshocked. She couldn't have moved if her life had depended on it. "If... if that's the case, why haven't you said anything 'til now? That was over two years ago!"

He wants me? Did he mean that the way... I think he meant it?!

He looked away for a moment, obviously embarrassed. "Look, you know me, Kagome, I've never been one for talking much. I have a hard time saying how I feel. I spent too many years where no one cared how I felt, and I just... never learned how to talk about it."

He sighed, then looked her straight in the eye. "But I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm just wasting time. I had to tell you how I feel about you. And I'm afraid - right now I'm terrified, 'cause if you reject me" he whispered, "I don't know how I'll survive. But I... still have to say it."

He took a deep breath, and slowly let it out.

"I love you, Kagome, and since I don't want any misunderstandings," he said at her dumbfounded expression, "I'm going to be explicit. I'm in love with you. And yes, when I said I wanted you, I meant, as a man wants a woman. I want you as my mate, Kagome, and to an inu, a mate is for eternity."

Kagome heard everything he said, she felt him tense, waiting for the rejection he thought was coming, watched him close his eyes. And she still could not move.

And then... she saw something she never thought she would ever see, he thought her silence meant rejection, and tears fell down his cheeks. She couldn't bear that sight, and she brought her hands up to cup his cheeks, wiping the tears, knowing that her own cheeks were wet.

"Inuyasha," she breathed, "don't - don't cry. I just... I'm just having a hard time, taking this all in. I never expected to hear those words from you," she said softly, as he opened his eyes and gazed at her with hope. "I have loved you forever, you baka..." she smiled at him, seeing his heart in his eyes, she reached up and slowly touched her lips to his, oh so softly, but before he could respond she pulled back.

"How could you not have known? How could you even think that I would reject you?"

He closed his eyes again as his throat closed. Kami! I thought I really was gonna die there for a moment... opening his eyes and finally remembering to breathe, he looked at Kagome, and melted at the look in her eyes.

"Then - would you be my mate, Kagome? Could you see yourself with me forever? Because that's what it means, there'd be no going back." He looked at her solemnly. "You've gotta be very sure."

"Inuyasha, I can't see myself without you forever," she smiled.

"Let me put it this way," she said at his uncertain look. "Forever isn't nearly long enough. I will never stop needing you and," she blushed deeply, "wanting you."

Inuyasha's eyes closed again at the overwhelming emotion of the moment. Everything he had ever wanted was right here... in his arms, vowing to be with him forever. His throat almost swelled shut at the feelings running through him, he clasped her tightly to him, lowering his lips to her forehead, kissing her, reveling in the scent of her. Nothing in his entire life had ever felt so right.

Kagome pulled back and looked up at him. He was lost in the moment, such sweet longing in his eyes, as he opened them up and looked down at her. "Inuyasha?" she whispered. "What's involved in becoming" she blushed, "mates? Is there like, some ceremony, or something?"

He smiled at her. "No." He moved then, taking her off his lap, and putting her in front of him. "There's an exchange of blood. I will make a cut in both our palms, and also a tiny cut over both our hearts. I place my hand over your heart, and you do the same to me. Our blood will mingle and then, well you'll feel it. When youkai mate, the exchange of blood is necessary, because once we're done, we truly will have one soul. Nothing can break this bond, we'll live together, and die together, and go to the afterlife together, but we'll never be apart."

He looked at her a bit nervously. "Are you afraid? I know it's more intense than what humans do."

She reached over and clasped his hands. "No! I'm not afraid. How could I fear being one with you? You're my other half already, why do you think I've never feared you, even in your youkai form?"

She pulled his hand to her heart, "There is no place in my heart for fear, it's too full of you." Reaching up to his face, she tenderly touched his cheek, then pulled back. "When can we do this? Is there a certain time?"

"No, we can do it now, as a matter of fact, I'd rather do it now, if you're sure?" he asked, giving her one last chance to pull away.

Kagome sat back and smiled up at him. "I'm sure. Oh," she turned her head, looking around at the dingy, dusty cave. "Umm, Inuyasha?" Turning beet red, she coughed, and said in a tiny voice, "Do we, umm, well... have to consummate the bond right away? What I mean is" with a shy glance up at his face, "I'd really rather find someplace a little, well, nicer, and more comfortable...." her voice trailed off uncertainly.

Inuyasha laughed down at her. "Baka wench! Of course we don't have to 'consummate' the bond here. Did you really think I would pounce on you right here in this dirty place? Give me some credit, will ya?" He snorted. "We'll just form the bond here."

With a wicked smirk, he cupped her chin in his hand. "Be sure, though, Kagome, that when I find the right place..." He trailed off, not needing to finish as he took note of her extremely red face. "And you can be sure I'll be looking to find the 'right place' as fast as I can, too."

Releasing her face, and grinning from ear to ear, he said, "Are you ready, then?" He sobered suddenly as he looked at her. "Be very sure, Kagome," his face now deadly serious. "Like I said earlier, there'll be no going back."

Kagome took a deep breath, and then let it out, willing her face back to its normal color. "I'm sure, Inuyasha. Do it now."

He watched her face for a moment, and then said, with his own slight blush, "You'll have to move your shirt out of the way, so I can reach your heart." He began pulling off his fire rat and undershirt, leaving himself bare-chested.

Now, yes! Now I'll be able to keep that bastard from taking her!

Kagome swallowed hard.

Damn! He looks so good. Breathe, girl! You have forever to stare, now get busy on taking off your shirt. He has to be able to reach your heart!

She reached over her shoulders before she could think about it, and pulled her shirt over her head. C'mon girl... he's seen you before, and you're about to give him the right to see it all any time he wants, so stop being silly!

Putting the shirt to the side, she gathered her courage and looked at him.

Inuyasha was staring. He couldn't help it. He had seen her before, sure, quick glances only, and usually accidentally. But now he could stare all he wanted, and touch, and taste... Oh, Kami, he thought. I gotta stop thinking about that right now!

Reaching out, he grabbed her hand, and flexing his claws, made a quick, shallow cut in the palm, then repeated the action with his palm and then over his heart. Swallowing hard, he reached out to her chest, and using just the tip of his claw, cut through the top layer of skin, just enough to draw a few drops of blood. Looking up at her face, he caught and held her eyes, then taking her hand, he placed it over his heart, and did the same with his hand over hers.

As soon as his hand touched her, she felt a shock wave engulf her...