InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Heart's Landfill ❯ Sessions For The Heart ( Chapter 6 )

A/N: All characters will be walking that fine line of OOCness!! Beware of crude language!! Wow, I really have to slow down these updates, I'm starting to catch up with myself. I can hardly believe how this story has taken off. Initially, I thought no one would read it or give it a chance because the concept had already been beaten half to death. Thanks for allowing me to give my own distinct spin on things. Everyone keeps asking me when will Kagome and Inu meet, well, things are not that simple. You have two very jaded people that are living two separate lives with separate friends. I'm not the type of Author to rush things just because that's what's requested. If I did that, this fic would become a little too damn cheesy and I hate cheesy. So trust me, when they meet it will be realistic and with a freaking bang!! That being said; enjoy and thanks for reading and reviewing.

 

FYI: `Ain't' is used on purpose in this chapter.

 

Disclaimer: As usual I don't claim ownership to anyone, with the exception of Nya and Dr. Aikio. All others belong to the wonderful Rumiko Takahashi.

 

Chapter 6:

 

Sessions for the Heart

 

Inuyasha sighed as he glanced around the overly comfortable looking room. Everything was placed just perfectly, making it feel like someone's living room instead of an office.

 

`How in the hell did I let her talk me into this bullshit?' he thought, hating himself for letting his brother's genuinely too sweet wife influence him in such away.

 

He sighed again as he allowed his eyes to travel over the beige micro fiber sofa that sat across from a high backed recliner with a small table sitting in between.

 

Glancing up at the pale walls, he grunted and rolled his eyes as he read quickly over what he supposed were meant to be words of inspiration, and then turned his focus on a few pictures of influential people long dead and forgotten.

 

It wasn't the first time he'd been here, but every time he came back he always felt uncomfortable, like he was a fish out of water or a rat in a snake pit.

 

Before his sham of a marriage happened, Inuyasha would've laughed at the idea of seeing a therapist, but when Rin approached him with tears in her gentle brown eyes and her soft words of concern, he couldn't say no.

 

Regardless of how he felt about women in general, he had to admit that his brother's wife was definitely in a league of her own. The woman could bat her eyelids or smile at you and make you bend to her will without one word.

 

So, it went without saying that when she came to him and said that she was worried about him and thought that he should see someone one…talk to someone, he told her to make the appointment and he'd go.

 

Maybe part of him didn't believe that she was actually serious, or maybe the conscious part of his mind that would have told her, `Hell no,' was asleep that day. He didn't know which it was, but he did know that it had been three months since then and he'd been to this goddamn office a total of 6 times!

 

“Twice a fucking month,” he mumbled as he took a seat on the couch.

 

It was Saturday morning for gods' sake. Most people were taking advantage of the weekend and sleeping in, but he was here, waiting for the nosey bastard that called himself a licensed relationship therapist.

 

`Why in the fuck do I need a `relationship therapist'? It ain't like I'm in a fucking relationship with anybody,' he thought with a loud snort.

 

Checking his watch, Inuyasha sat back on the couch and impatiently began tapping his right foot. `This bastard is charging me an arm, a leg, and my first born on an hourly basis and he has the fucking audacity to be late?'

 

Just then, the door opened and in walked Dr. Aikio. He was an older, balding gentleman that stood about 5'5” and weighed around 200 pounds or so.

 

One would think that, being in the profession he was in, he'd have some sense of the importance of time, but he didn't. He did everything slow. He talked slow, walked slow, swallowed slow, and even blinked slow, believe it or not.

 

“Takahashi…Inuyasha, how nice…to see you again,” the older gentleman acknowledged as he hobbled across the floor, slowly.

 

Inuyasha glared dangerously at the man out of the corner of his eye as he debated quietly whether to get up, pick the man up, and put him in his seat. “You're 10 minutes late! I ain't paying for a whole hour!”

 

The older man smiled softly as he finally made it to his chair and sat down. “Forgive my tardiness, I had a patient that had an emergency.”

 

“Feh, whatever,” Inuyasha replied dourly as he sat back and stared at the man whom, he was sure, was slowly pulling out his notepad and pen in hopes of jotting down more of his innermost private thoughts. `Nosey fucking bastard.'

 

“Takahashi-san, so, where were we?” the therapist asked as he flipped slowly through the pages of his book. “Ah, yes, we'd just gotten through the reception, yes?” Not waiting for a reply, he finished, “You were telling me that the reception was perfect and you and Kikyo were headed to your hotel suite for the night, is that right?”

 

“Look old man, I don't need you rehashing old fucking memories, okay? I know what the fuck I said and I know what I didn't say. Just get your shit together and let's get this over with,” Inuyasha demanded abrasively.

 

He didn't care that he was being rude to someone that could've easily been his father's father. He was annoyed. He had gotten up at 8 to be here on time, only to have this `ass' come in late. Then there was the dream he was having about the nameless woman; he secretly decided to call Enchantress, since that was exactly what she'd done to him. Not to mention the sleep he'd had last night was the best sleep he'd had in seven fucking months!!

 

Dr. Aikio ignored Inuyasha's brash comment and stated, “The last time I…saw you…you were also about to…go out on a blind date. How'd that go?”

 

The hanyou sat back and stared at the man. He'd never get used to someone dipping in his business in such away. Sure the man was supposed to help him, that's what Rin had said anyway, but he only saw a nosey ass prick with a license to pry into other people's affairs!

 

“Feh, it was a date.”

 

“Are you going to see her again?”

 

“Not on `your' life, doc.”

 

“Was it really that bad, Takahashi-san?”

 

“Look, I've told you before, drop the Takahashi-san shit,” Inuyasha snapped irritably. He hated when anyone formalized his name. If he wasn't dealing with clients, then he was just Inuyasha, the hanyou and nothing else. Why couldn't this slow fucking turtle get that through his baldhead?

 

“Okay…Inu…yasha, why won't you be seeing the young lady again?”

 

The hanyou growled, and hissed through clenched teeth, “Because I don't fucking want to, okay? Now stop asking stupid ass questions that you already know the answer to!”

 

Setting his notepad down, Dr. Aikio sat back slowly in his chair and sighed softly. He'd been meeting with Takahashi Inuyasha for three months and every time it was the same thing. He knew the reason why he'd come to him, but for some reason the hanyou was reluctant to even brush the surface of anything dealing with the infamous Kikyo.

 

Usually they would go back and forth. He'd ask him a few questions about his private life, why he felt so jilted, or did he think he did anything to deserve this, and the hanyou would tell him to go straight to hell and the session would end. That's how it had been for the first 4 visits, but, miraculously, everything changed during their last session.

 

Inuyasha had actually told him about the wedding. He'd even gone as far as describing the dress his bride was wearing and the colors that she'd chosen, even the music that was playing. But, for some reason, when he got to the part where the reception came to a close, the hanyou clammed up. He just got up and walked out of the office, ending their session 20 minutes early.

 

“Inuyasha, why are you so angry? I don't think I've ever seen you quite this upset before.” Leaning forward slightly, a concerned frown marring his wrinkled brow, Dr. Aikio finished, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Inuyasha glared at the man. `No I don't want to fucking talk about it! I want to carry my ass back to my side of town,' he thought heatedly as he stood to his feet and walked over to the window.

 

The hanyou knew he could leave whenever he wanted to, but he also knew that, if he did, he'd feel like he'd some how let Rin down. So he would have to swallow his pride the same way he had done every other Saturday that he'd come here and talk about things he really didn't want anyone else to know.

 

“I'm just tired, I guess,” he mumbled almost incoherently as he ran his hand down his face. He knew it was a lie, but it was as good as any other excuse, wasn't it?

 

Dr. Aikio asked rhetorically, “I guess you're still having those dreams, eh?”

 

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Inuyasha grunted, but didn't verbally reply as he continued to stare out the window at the slowly waking city below.

 

“Inuyasha, have you ever told anyone what happened in the room between you and Kikyo?”

 

Shoving his hands deeper into his pockets, he replied softly, “No.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

The hanyou didn't respond, instead he shrugged his shoulders in an `I-don't-know' fashion and continued to stare out the window.

 

Dr. Aikio stared at the hanyou without saying a word. He had figured as much. It definitely did explain why the hanyou kept reliving the wedding ceremony when he slept, but never the actual break up.

 

Quite honestly, the doctor felt that the ceremony was the only part of the day that Inuyasha was willing to face. It was the only part of the wedding that everyone already knew. It was the only part that went off without a hitch, for lack of a better word. So, when the hanyou slept, his subconscious mind contorted that part, leaving out certain things and adding different altercations, each one more hideous than the next.

 

It was his subconscious's way of trying to get him to face the truth of what she said to him, what he said to her, and in the end, hopefully, forcing him to face the real reason why she left him the way she had. Maybe then, if he finally faced the truth, he'd be able to begin to heal, instead of burying the things he couldn't deal with and pushing away the only family and the few friends he had.

 

“Takahashi… I mean, Inuyasha, you know that whatever you say to me will go no further than these four walls,” the older gentlemen stated softly, as if he was afraid someone was listening. Turning slightly in his chair, he stared at his withdrawn patient's back and waited for a response, any type of response that would tell him that the hanyou was at least still in the same hemisphere as him.

 

Inuyasha continued to stare out into the world in front of him. He'd heard the doctor clearly, but just couldn't bring himself to walk back into that hotel room, revisit that last conversation. I couldn't watch her, in his mind's eye, walk away from him again.

 

He could feel his eyes begin to water just a little as her voice hummed in his head, “Inuyasha, I'm sorry…I…I can't do this. I…I…I'm sorry.” His fists clenched, unbeknownst to him, as he bit down on his lower lip in hopes of stilling the tears that tried desperately to find release.

 

Lowering his head, the sullen hanyou tried to inconspicuously rub his eyes while thanking the heavens above that this so-called therapist was not a youkai. Otherwise, he'd know by his scent alone that he was hurting. He'd know that just the thought of reliving that night was enough break… shatter his already fragile heart and mind.

 

When she'd left, she left him feeling decimated, destroyed, and neutered even. She'd left him feeling like nothing more than an empty abandoned house, sitting on deserted land waiting to be demolished.

 

That night was the longest night in his life. Inuyasha had sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the door, praying that she would walk back in and say she was sorry. He hoped and prayed that she would walk back in and say that she was joking or that she was a fool for even considering leaving him. But she never came back. In the seven months that had passed, she'd never even called to see if he was alive or dead.

 

“Inuyasha, I'm sorry. I thought…I thought I didn't… but I…” He couldn't finish that thought; he couldn't allow her voice to replay the truth again. Hearing it once was enough, wasn't it?

 

Inuyasha sighed and allowed his head to rest against the cool windowpane. When she'd finally said it… When she'd finally spoken the words that twisted his guts, his stomach, and his heart into a trillion tight, impotent knots, it had taken everything in him not to collapse to his knees and weep. He wanted to… He tried repeatedly to beg her, plead with her to not leave him like this, but he could barely move, let alone speak.

 

“Kikyo,” he whispered softly. Allowing his head to bounce a few times against the window, he mumbled repeatedly, softly, “I can't… I can't… I can't… I can't…do this.” The pain of that night was just too much for him to revisit so soon. He knew that eventually he would have to, but did it have to be now?

 

Dr. Aikio sat silent, watching his patient's movement closely and listening intently to what he was sure the hanyou thought only he could hear.

 

He could see in Inuyasha's mannerisms that he was silently reliving that night and he could tell that he was doing his best to keep it together, but was failing miserably.

 

Standing slowly to his feet, he spoke softly so as not to jar the damaged young man, “What can't you do, Inuyasha?”

 

On queue, the hanyou stuttered, “I can't...I can't keep coming back here, reliving that day. I…I can't keep thinking about her...talking about her. I don't want to think about her anymore.”

 

Dr. Aikio could actually hear the untamed pain in his patient's voice and it made him want more than anything to help him, but how could he when he didn't really know the full, unadulterated story?

 

“Maybe it's time that you tell someone what it is that you can't keep reliving, Inuyasha. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to is the best therapy.” Smiling softly, he finished, “Perhaps that's the real reason that Rin-sama sent you to me. Maybe she knew that you would never actually talk about that night, and perhaps, if you knew that your story was safe with me, you'd allow me to help you…or at least listen to you.”

 

Inuyasha turned so that his back was pressed up against the window. He didn't have the strength to look up. His chest felt tight, his palms sweaty, and his mind felt jumbled and confused. He wanted this to stop! He wanted to deal with this once and for all! But could he trust this man? Would he laugh at him and taunt him once the truth was told? Would he belittle him just like the people in his dreams had?

 

Sighing heavily, he glanced up at the doctor, his eyes heavy and unfocused. What did he have to lose, really? Maybe…maybe if he told him, maybe he'd feel just a little bit better.

 

Inuyasha truly didn't believe that this guy would be able to do a damn thing to help him, but perhaps if he did actually say it out loud, it would get a little easier to deal with.

 

“Kikyo was… She was everything that I knew I wasn't entitled to,” Inuyasha began slowly. “The first time I saw her, she mesmerized me with her smile,” he continued with a soft, hesitant chuckle. “She had the most beautiful eyes and her skin… Man her skin was the creamiest, smoothest white I'd ever seen in my life, and her lips… She was like my very own personal Geisha doll.” He was quiet for a minute, and then he finished, “That's what I used to call her. My Geisha doll.”

 

Dr. Aikio didn't move a muscle, too afraid that any movement would send the hanyou back into his shell of solitude.

 

“Her mother was Japanese, but her father, he was American. I actually met her on one of my business trips to California. It was crazy how we met, though. I was lost in L.A. and stumbled upon her, literally. She happened to be off that day, so she acted as my personal navigator, taking me everywhere I needed to go. When I came back to Japan, we talked for a few months over the phone, but then the distance became a little too much and she relocated here to be closer to me.” Inuyasha sighed lightly, and then continued, “When she did that, I couldn't believe it. She was actually moving half way around the world for me, a hanyou.”

 

Looking at the doctor who was still standing near the chair with his arms crossed, Inuyasha continued, “Things were great between us. For the first time in my life, I knew I was in love. I actually thought that if I looked up happiness in the dictionary, I'd see her picture. I use to joke around with her and say that if she ever left me, I'd die.” Inuyasha chuckled dryly. “I didn't know how true that was, until she actually did leave me though.” Silence reigned for a few moments, and then he finished, “For a while there…I thought about killing myself. I…I thought that if I didn't, the pain would.”

 

Looking away then back again, Inuyasha asked, “Doc, can someone really die from a broken heart? I'd always thought it was an old wives' tale, but now I'm not so sure.”

 

Shuffling across the room, the hanyou didn't wait for a reply as he sat down on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees. “I thought she was so perfect. In my eyes, she could do no wrong. She was my Kikyo…my world. The fucking air that I breathed. She was everything to me. I trusted her… I trusted her with every fiber of my being.” He chuckled half-heartedly as he continued, “If she told me that pigs were flying past the window, I would've believed her without hesitation.” Knowing how stupid that sounded, he shrugged his shoulders and stated, “She was Kikyo, if I couldn't trust her, I couldn't trust anyone.

 

As he listened, Dr. Aikio could see the hanyou's heart in his words. This woman, Kikyo, had stolen his heart, his very soul. She had enraptured him with her words and made it so that his entire world, his life revolved…consisted only of her. He was totally and without a shadow of a doubt in love with her.

 

For the first time, Dr. Aikio could relate, in someway, as to why the hanyou acted emotionally detached and reckless.

 

Running his hand over his face and down his neck, Inuyasha's smile turned into a deep frown. “My brother, Sesshomaru, he didn't like her from the moment he met her. He always told me that something was off about her. He'd said on more than one occasion that she was pretending to be something she wasn't, but Rin, she liked her well enough, so I was okay with that. Besides, Sesshomaru barely likes me and I'm his own blood.”

 

“Anyway, we dated for maybe a year and half before I finally proposed and she said yes.” Sitting back, he smiled up at the ceiling as he continued, “I thought I was going to die that day. I couldn't believe it. The woman of my dreams had said yes, she would marry me. I was in hog heaven. The flowers were blooming; hell, the world was at peace in my eyes.”

 

Inuyasha was quiet for a moment, as if he was thumbing through the files in his head for what he should say next. His voice dropped to almost a whisper as he continued with his tale, “She started planning the wedding almost immediately. I'd never seen her so happy before. She was actually ecstatic. She'd call me at work talking a mile a minute about a dress she'd seen in a store window or had tried on. If she'd found something that she thought she could only get in the States, she'd scream excitedly in my ear for 2 minutes straight.”

 

Dr. Aikio could see the hanyou's eyes begin to tear up as he spoke but not one fell. He watched silently as he continued to speak, his voice soft, just above a whisper, his lips trembling with every word that fell from between them. He could also see the happiness in the hanyou's face and the glow of life slowly flash within his eyes as he spoke of this enigma, called Kikyo.

 

Yes, the hanyou was definitely in love with this woman, but now for one sad reason or the other, he was paying the price for wanting…desiring what every other red-blooded living soul craved, needed, and begged for.

 

Glancing up at the clock on the wall, Inuyasha stated, “Well my time is up, I guess we'll finish this next time.”

 

“No, no, don't…worry about it! We've just made a…huge breakthrough in your therapy, whoever is waiting will just have to wait,” Dr. Aikio declared, stopping him. “Finish your story; you've earned that much already.”

 

Reluctantly, the hanyou continued, “I don't have anything new to say about the wedding, except it was everything she'd dreamed of. It was a young girl's fantasy come to life. I spared nothing for her. If she wanted something flown in, it was flown in. If she wanted a rare flower for her bouquet, I hired men to hunt down the grower of that flower and I paid top dollar for it. Yeah, the wedding, it was straight out of a Cinderella story. Too bad it wasn't enough to make her stay.”

 

Dr. Aikio sat down, knowing that he was only moments from getting to the heart of the hanyou's emotional troubles. To stop now would be nothing less than imprudent. Surely on their next visit he wouldn't be this open, this willing to allow someone-him, in like this.

 

“After the reception… After we… After me and my… After Kikyo and I said our goodbyes, we decided that we'd turn in early, because we had an early flight out in the morning.” Inuyasha chewed on his lower lip a little, then finished, “We were supposed to spend a week in Australia and then a week in Hawaii, but…”

 

The hanyou stopped as the sound of her voice took over every inch of his brain, causing him to visibly shudder. “Inuyasha, please…please try to understand. I…I never meant to hurt you. I…I just can't… I've tried… I swear I have, but…”

 

Inuyasha felt his insides recoil as he stood quickly to his feet. It was too soon…this was too much, just too much. He didn't have the strength or the emotional fortitude to face that night or her memory, just yet. Maybe…maybe he'd spoken too much already.

 

“Inuyasha, are you okay?” Dr. Aikio queried, noticing his patient's visible change in demeanor.

 

Already on his feet, Inuyasha walked quickly to the door. His hand grasping the handle, he spoke without turning around to face his elder, “I'm not ready to face her just yet, doc. Maybe… Maybe next time.”

 

With that, he opened and closed the door quickly behind him. His pace was quick, almost a trot as he made his way to the elevators. He was determined to get away from the sound her voice, her soft laughter, the smell of her skin…her hair…her breath.

 

`I can't keep doing this. I…I can't keep running away from her,' he thought as the elevator doors closed and he pushed the button for the garage and what his mind saw as freedom.

 

Until Next Time…(Your .02 cents are greatly appreciated)

 

Next Chapter: Girls Night In

 

Acknowledgements:

 

Inugoddess715 ~ cwillia ~ angel-up-above-heaven ~ Zetsuii ~ dbporter08 ~ Dragonkitsune ~ lilbabybee