InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Heart's Landfill ❯ Ulterior Motives ( Chapter 52 )

A/N: As always all characters will be walking that fine line called OOCness. I know the wait has been long, but I have been really distracted with school and trying to make sure that I graduate with honors, which should happen on the 18th of July at 11AM!! Once graduation is over, I am going to be throwing myself back into this fic, so that I can get it wrapped up. I don't have anything new -fanfiction wise- that I am going to be working on, so I'll probably just go back and finish Confrontations II since I know I left a lot of you hanging with that one. Once that is finished, I'm probably going to be calling it quits as there are only so many ways to torture these helpless characters before it becomes humdrum and cheesy. However, I will retain the right to resend my previous statement should I dream (literally) up another storyline that I find too intriguing to pass up. Then again, I might try my hand at some twilight or Bleach fanfiction-joking, not going to happen!! That said, thanks to the few that reviewed, and a bow of appreciation to my beta, Neko!!

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership to anyone with the exception of Nya, Nola, Dinshu, Gage, Takira, Maki, Moki, and Dr. Aikio. All others belong to the wonderful Rumiko Takahashi. Meet Joe Black belongs to the directors and screen play writers that wrote it-lucky bastards!!

Chapter 52

Ulterior Motives

She was stretched out on the couch, her head laid back comfortably against the plush arm of the sofa, the remote control clasped tightly in her hand as she stared at the television, one of her all time favorite movies playing.

This movie was second only to The Notebook, but she loved it just as much as the first; it would definitely do for now.

Kagome had to admit that if for no other reason, she was happy that she'd learned to speak English fluently because watching this particular movie with subtitles or the hideous actor voice-overs would've taken away from the magic of it.

Meet Joe Black, she crooned silently as she rolled onto her side and pulled her knees up to her chest, so that she was halfway hugging them.

Luckily, she'd found the movie in time that she didn't miss her favorite part, when Susan, played by Claire Forlani meets the love of her life, played by Brad Pitt in a coffee shop.

Kagome found it a little disturbing that a few months ago you wouldn't have been able to pay her to sit down and watch a romance flick or listen to a singer drone on about a lost love or being in love, but now she seemed to subconsciously gravitate towards all things romantic, and she thoroughly relished in the giddy feeling that it gave her.

“You know, you can rewind that back to the beginning,” a soft voice stated over her head, cutting into her private thoughts.

Dragging her eyes away from the television, she pushed up so that she as leaning on one elbow and questioned as she turned to face her mother, “What? How?”

Her mom smiled patiently at her before leaning in and gently taking the remote from her hand. “Like this,” she advised softly as she quickly hit a few buttons on the remote and waited momentarily for the screen to blink and flip back to the beginning credits. “You can even pause it, fast forward it, and record it,” she went on, giving Kagome an example of each.

Kagome stared at her mom with narrowed eyes. “Don't tell me you went and got DVR?” she questioned incredulously.

Of course, she'd seen the technology before and she was well versed in using it since it had been around for years upon years, but what surprised her was that her mom would actually waste money on such a thing; it was just unheard of.

Her mom laughed softly; it was a soothing thing. “Well, not me, but Nola almost demanded it when she started spending the majority of her time here. So, with your brother being as in love as he is, he decided that he'd pay for it out of his allowance. I have to admit that it's quite convenient.” She sighed thoughtfully and finished, dropping the remote lightly into Kagome's lap, “I hardly ever miss my shows anymore and I absolutely adore the fact that I can fast forward through the commercials now.”

Glancing towards the television, the younger Higurashi was torn between wanting to actually talk with her mother since they really hadn't had a heart-to-heart since she came home and watching a movie that she'd seen a million times before. She quickly located the pause button on the remote key pad and pressed it without a second thought.

“You don't have to do that,” the older Higurashi informed her mildly.

“No, it's fine,” Kagome retorted quickly as she shifted into a seated position and patted the seat beside her. “We haven't really had anytime to ourselves to just talk.”

“Talk?”

“Yeah, talk,” Kagome confirmed with a wink as she stared up at the tight smile that her mother wore.

“Honey, that's really not necessary. I'm just happy to have you here.”

Kagome blushed, feeling more than a little guilty. Since she'd been home, she could count on one hand how much quality time she'd spent with her mother, which really didn't amount to much.

If she wasn't out shopping with Eri, she was over at Ayumi's house, and if she wasn't there, all three of them were at Eri's tight little apartment. When she wasn't with either of them, she was out with Souta and Nola, or she was on the phone entertaining the surly hanyou that seemed to be getting more and more irritated with her with each passing day.

She figured that his unsanctioned agitation was the reason why she wasn't talking to him now. But she also knew that same irritation really wasn't directed at her, but at the separation anxiety that he was feeling.

It's not that she wasn't feeling the same thing, because she was, she just figured that because she was constantly surrounded by the people she loved, it didn't seem like that big of a deal.

When she'd gotten off the phone with him a few hours ago, he'd jokingly said that if she didn't come home soon she wouldn't be able to hold him liable for the things that he did or didn't do in her absence.

Of course, she knew that he was teasing, but the possibilities of just how true his statement was scared her half to death, which is how she ended up on the couch internally sulking.

She missed him dearly. So much so that at times it was like it was an ache that delved so deep, her bones felt as if they were fracturing from the inside out, but when she thought about leaving her family… When she thought about what drove her back to Kyoto, she'd shake that feeling off by telling herself that she'd stay a few more days for her sanity.

He'll understand; I know he will.

Shaking off her thoughts, Kagome pulled up her legs and made some more room for her mother to sit next to her. “I can watch this movie anytime. Besides, it's not like I don't already know how it ends.”

Taking the seat beside her daughter, Mrs. H sighed as she responded, “Or we can watch it together. After all, it's one of my favorites too.”

Kagome grinned. “That'll work too.” Shifting slightly, she leaned her head down on her mother's shoulder, her legs now bent back behind her, and the blanket she'd been laying beneath thrown over to two of them. “I love you, Mom.”

“I know, and I love you,” she replied softly.

Kagome pressed the button on the remote to restart the movie and the two women watched in silence, both their eyes trained on the actors on the screen. The softest of smiles slowly spread over the younger of the two women's lips as she silently whispered the characters lines before they said them.

Each moment that trickled by was pulling her closer and closer to the words that always warmed her heart when she heard them. And just like every time before, she smiled softly and wished that her father was still alive so that he could talk to her in such a manner.

“Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without,” Bill told Allison, his youngest daughter, “If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is, there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.”

If you haven't tried, you haven't lived. Kagome sighed deeply and a soft whine slipped from her lips as she subconsciously snuggled deeper into her mother's side.

The woman in question raised her arm and placed it over her daughter's shoulder pulling her closer. “You loved Kouga like that, didn't you?”

Kagome pushed back and glanced up at her with bewildered eyes. “What?”

“Head over heels… Throwing caution to the wind… Letting the chips fall where they may… You loved him like that, and that's why your heart was so broken. That's why you moved away so quickly,” she clarified.

These were all statements of facts, Kagome knew that. “Mom?”

She felt a gentle soft hand run soothingly up and down her arm a few seconds before her mom pulled her back into her side, never taking her eyes away from the movie that was playing. “You wanted to talk, so we're going to talk and watch the movie.”

Kagome didn't respond, but she couldn't really make her mind go back to the movie either. She just sat there, allowing the things that William Parrish and her mom had said to find a home in her mind, but before she could come to a conclusion her mom chimed in again.

“You know that's okay, right? It's okay to love like that more than once. Just because it doesn't work out the first time, doesn't mean that it won't work out the second, or third time, or even the fourth time.”

“Mom, why are you saying this? I'm…I'm happy with Inu-”

Mrs. H ignored her as she continued, “After your heart has been broken, it's kind of hard to just jump back in there, isn't it? It's like walking on broken glass, or across a sheet of thin ice. You're extra careful with everything you do and say. How much you let him know about you, how you smile at him, how much you trust him, and you second guess every word and every action. It almost becomes more like job or a chore, doesn't it?”

Kagome didn't really think that she was expecting an answer, so she didn't give her one. She just sat there staring at the television screen without seeing it as her mother went on.

“I want you to promise me something, Kagome.”

The confused young woman pushed back away from her mother and stared at her, her eyes screaming her unspoken answer.

“I want you to promise me that regardless of how your current relationship turns out, you will love without restraints. You will know no bounds and you will not allow yourself to hold back anything. I want you to promise me that you will always love like it's your first time.”

Kagome stared at her, her expression perplexed and a little more than taken aback.

Did I say something to her that made her think that I wasn't happy with Inuyasha? Does she think that I'm settling? Am I acting like I'm not in a relationship? Did I do something that would cause her to want to have this conversation with me?

Her mother must have noticed the blankness of her gaze because she smiled softly at her before she reached over and grabbed her hand. Squeezing it gently within her own, she intoned pleadingly, “Promise me, Kagome.”

“I…I…promise?” she questioned more than confirmed. But I'm happy now! I'm in love now, aren't I? Okay, so he doesn't know that, but that doesn't mean that I'm not, right?

Patting her daughter's leg, Mrs. H pushed herself to her feet and finished dreamily, “Trust me; it'll be much more enjoyable that way.”

Kagome stared after her mother, a befuddled expression on her face. What just happened here? Is something wrong with her that she felt the need to… Is she sick?

Hysteria gripped her as she jumped to her feet and charged towards and up the stairs. Instead of heading towards her room, she darted down the hall towards her brother's room. Foregoing knocking, she burst through the door, slamming it behind her. Placing her back firmly against it as if she thought someone was going to come charging in at any moment, she closed her eyes momentarily and willed herself to calm down.

Souta sprang from his seat at his desk, and Nola set up quickly, her Chemistry book slipping from her lap.

“What's going on? Is everything okay?” Souta questioned urgently while stepping towards his sister.

“I don't know,” Kagome started, pushing away from the door. “Is Mom okay? If she was sick, you'd tell me right? You wouldn't keep something like this from me would you, Souta?”

Nola jumped to her feet. “Mom's sick?”

Kagome glanced at her, and then away again. She figured she'd never really get use to someone other than she and Souta calling their mom, Mom, but she wasn't about to argue about it now. “Souta, is she sick?”

Souta stared at her for a long moment before shaking his head quickly. “No, I mean not that I know of, why? Did she say something to you?”

“Well, she just had the weirdest conversation with me about loving like there's no tomorrow. It was like she was giving me her last piece of advice before she…” she trailed off slowly, and then finished, “Not only that, but since I've been home, she's seemed a little different. It's like she's keeping a secret or something.”

“Almost like she's being sneaky, right?” Nola interjected quickly as she stepped closer to the two siblings, her emerald green eyes narrowed slightly.

Kagome looked at her, a frown on her face. Does this girl ever go home, she questioned to herself, but answered curtly, “Yeah, something like that, but more like she's resigned herself to some kind of news that she doesn't know how to tell us about.”

“I told Souta that, but he said that I was being paranoid as usual.”

“When was the first time that you noticed this?” Kagome questioned the cat demon.

“I don't know, maybe a month or so ago, after her doctor's appointment.” Nola's eye's brightened as she continued, “I know it was then because I was suppose to come over that day to help her in the garden, but she called me at the last minute and told me that it wouldn't be necessary because something last minute came up.”

“A month ago?” Kagome whispered in disbelief.

Souta stepped back away from the two women and sat back down in his seat, his head balanced on his balled up fist, and his face set in a deep scowl. “You… know,” he started slowly, “Aunt Kara did die of-”

“Shut up!” Kagome shouted quickly, cutting him off. No, this was not happening! Her mom, their only surviving parent could not be sick! She could not be dying! They were just over thinking things! She was just over thinking things, she had to be!

“You started this,” he hissed softly, and then continued, “And Uncle Jinko died of heart disease. Do you think it's something the runs in the family? Do you think it's hereditary?”

Kagome stepped over to her younger brother, her manicured nails raking slowly through her long black ponytail that hung over her shoulder. “I don't know, Souta, but that's usually how it works.”

Nola inhaled deeply as she stepped quickly over to Souta's other side. Snaking her arm around his laden shoulders, she advised softly, her tone just above a whisper, “How do we find out? I mean can we call her doctor or something?”

Kagome gnawed at her lower lip as she started slowly pacing the floor between the door and her brother's full size bed. “No, we can't call her doctor; he wouldn't…or rather couldn't tell us anything either way; Patient-doctor privilege.”

“Well, let's just ask her,” Souta declared standing to his feet abruptly and starting towards the door.

Kagome stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Do you really think she'll tell us? She'll probably giggle and kiss each of us on the cheek before she turns and walks away, leaving us just as confused as we are now.”

“Let's ask Ji-chan?” Nola interjected.

Kagome glared at the demon. Not only had the girl taken her mother as her own, but she'd also taken her grandfather too! Still, she had no time to stew over this or correct her; she had other and bigger fish to fry.

“Ji-chan would probably be the last one she tells,” Souta declared ruefully, his arm slipping comfortably around Nola's tiny waist. “He'd probably be walking around now acting as if he was in mourning or something.” Souta shuddered as he finished, “If he knew anything, we would've known by now, trust me.”

Watching Souta's subconscious actions with Nola caused a longing unlike anything Kagome had felt before to rip through her. Wrapping her arms around herself, she wished in that moment that she'd begged Inuyasha to come with her.

She knew that if he was here, she'd be wrapped protectively in his strong yet gentle arms while he subconsciously brushed away the negative thoughts of her mind. He'd show her without words that everything was going to be okay, but…he wasn't here. Gods, I miss him, she whined sadly as her arms tightened around herself.

Souta must have seen her, because a second later she found herself being pulled into her younger, but much taller brother's arms. She sighed heavily and hugged him back, her eyes closing as she inhaled his fragrant scent.

They would've continued in that manner hadn't a possessive hiss ensued from somewhere near the desk. Kagome opened her eyes and glared at the overly jealous feline. Good gods girl, get a life!

Not in the mood to argue with her, Kagome pushed away from Souta and started pacing the floor again.

“You've got to stop doing that,” she heard Souta tell Nola, his tone terse.

“I'm sorry, it's involuntary. I just don't like when other women touch you like that.”

“She's my sister, Nola,” Souta hissed, and Kagome could tell that his teeth were clenched.

Not willing to let their little spat deter from the more important topic, Kagome bit out, picking up right where they'd left off, “You're right, Ji-chan would be the last person she told. She would make her final plans and then tell us all at the same time, but only after she was certain that there was nothing else to be done.”

Kagome watched Nola tip up on her toes and kiss her brother's lips gently, an apologetic look in her vibrant green eyes, and she rolled her eyes, turning away from the two of them.

“We're going to have to watch her,” Souta said after a quiet moment, surely savoring the vixen's quiet apology.

“I'm not going to be here for much longer. How do you plan I do that,” Kagome growled, not really upset at him, but more at what they didn't know.

“I don't know Miss. Too Busy, but if Mom is sick, I suggest you figure it out,” Souta snapped back, his arms tightening around Nola's waist.

“I have a job and a life, Souta. I can't just stay here!”

“And we only have one mom, you baka! Surely, she comes before any job or any life that either of us has,” he sneered back at her.

Kagome stared at him while biting at her lower lip. He was right. Of course, he was right, he was always right it seemed of late.

It's not that she wouldn't or couldn't give up her life in Tokyo to come home and take care of her ailing mom; she would without question, but would Inuyasha understand? Would he wait for her? Would he come with her?

She didn't have any answers for these questions, but she knew that if she needed to come home for an extended amount of time, he would be the one bridge that she'd have the hardest time crossing. Not because he would tell her or forbid her to go, but because she didn't honestly think that she would be able to force herself to just leave him like that.

She pushed those thoughts from her mind and conceded in a defeated manner, “Of course, Souta. You know I'd do whatever I had to do for her.”

Souta scowled at her for a moment longer before his handsome face finally started to soften. Shrugging, he exhaled in an exasperated huff and chuckled, “I know you would, Sis. I'm sorry I even went there.”

“Wait,” Nola stated quickly after noticing the siblings quiet acceptance of their mother's mortality. “We might be jumping the gun just a little, don't you guys think? What if there's nothing wrong with Mom? I mean sure she's been acting different, but I'm youkai and now that I think about it, I don't really smell any sickness in her.”

Kagome glared at her. “You…can…smell sickness?”

“Well in a way, yeah,” she confirmed. “All demons can. My sense of smell isn't nearly as strong as most demon's, but I can smell that; it's a light lemony pungent scent that tickles my nose,” she went on conversationally.

“And you just stood there and let me a Souta think that our mom was dying? You…you even joined in, you ninny!” Kagome hissed through clenched teeth as she took a step towards the young woman, her fists clenching and unclenching. “And for the record, she's not your mother!”

“Well I didn't think about it until just now, Kagome. I'm sorry,” Nola stated apologetically, flinching away from the woman's tirade. “But I do see her as my mother, and when Souta and I get married, she will-”

Souta pushed Nola behind his back protectively, cutting off whatever else she was going to say. “Now wait a moment, Kagome. You're the one that came flying in here asking about Mom's health, Nola didn't start it. She only told us what she thinks that's all.”

Kagome closed her eyes and tried to calm her racing heart. So, she's not dying. Her eyes snapped back open at the sound of the phone ringing, but she pushed it away and tried to focus on her thoughts, She might not be sick, but in order to make sure, I'm going to have to either get Inuyasha here to sniff her-oh that just sounds wrong-or I'm going to have to call her doctor and pretend to be her. She sighed heavily as her thought finished, Or I could just ask her.

“Oi, phone,” Souta told her, cutting into her thoughts.

Glancing over at him, Kagome frowned and waived it away dismissively.

“It's Yuka. I told her you couldn't come to the phone, but she said it would only take a moment.”

“Yuka?” Kagome questioned, knowing she'd heard him correct the first time.

She had to admit that she was a little shocked because she never would've thought that Yuka would be the first one to crack and call to apologize. Maybe she's not calling to apologize. Maybe she's calling to curse me out some more or to talk bad about hanyous. Shrugging her shoulders uncaringly, her thought finished, Oh well, we might as well get this over with.

Taking the phone out of Souta's hand, she closed her eyes, inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times before placing the receiver to her ear. “Yuka?”

“Hey,” she responded, her voice holding just enough insecurity that Kagome almost felt bad for her.

“Uh…hey, Yuka?”

“Are you busy?”

Kagome glanced at Souta and Nola, who were standing close behind her, both waiting patiently for her to finish so that they could wrap up their little conversation. “Well, a little. Why?”

“I'm sorry, I won't keep you long,” Yuka intoned from the other end of the phone, her voice soft and unassuming. “I…I wanted to apologize for the other day.”

“Yuka, you don't have-” Kagome tried to say, but she cut her off.

“No, I was wrong, so you're going to let me say this!” she demanded.

“Fine,” Kagome murmured grudgingly.

“Good. Anyway, I said a lot of nasty things the other day. Things that I know were uncalled for, and I'm sorry. I don't know this new boyfriend of yours and I had no right to attack him the way I did. Besides, that's really none of my concern.” She was quiet for a long moment before she continued, “You're my friend, Kagome, my very best friend, and as long as he makes you happy then I'm happy for you. There, I've said it.”

Wow, that really sounded more like a chore than an apology, didn't it?

Kagome could hear the relief in the young woman's voice and she smiled brushing away her wayward thoughts. This was Yuka after all, she couldn't and didn't really expect much more than this.

“You were pretty mean to me, and the things you said about Inuyasha were just-”

“I know! I know I'm a bitch and I'll never truly deserve a friend like you, but we are still friends, aren't we? Please, tell me that we're still friend!” she begged.

Kagome closed her eyes, and sighed. “Of course we're still friends, Yuka. And yes, you are the biggest bitch I know.” She let a second or two pass before she finished, “But I still love you.”

The two of them shared a laugh, and then Yuka continued, “Well, I don't want to keep you any longer. I just wanted to make sure we cleared the air before you went back to Tokyo. Speaking of which, when are you going back?”

“I'm not sure. Maybe in a few days; I honestly haven't decided yet,” Kagome answered as she glanced over her shoulder at her brother and Nola who were looking like the true definition of teenagers in love.

“Well, we haven't spent any time together, let's hang out this weekend.”

“I don't know, I haven't really spent much time with my family since I've been here. I was kind of-”

“Come on, let me make it up to you,” Yuka egged on, before continuing, “Let me take you to this new lounge that opened a few months ago. It's the coolest spot ever, with lots of influential people. You know the type.”

“Yuka, I'm not really in the mood for the club scene,” Kagome stated, not really wanting to go out at all. She just wanted to get to the bottom of her mother's weirdness. “Maybe you could just come over and we could hang out.”

“It's not a club, it's a lounge and we won't stay out late, I promise,” Yuka replied hopefully, ignoring Kagome's last statement altogether.

Kagome groaned, knowing it wouldn't be right to not go out with her friend before she left. “What night?” she queried in defeated manner. I might as well get it over with.

“Awesome!” Yuka declared excitedly as if she'd just won some kind of prize. “Sunday night, I'll pick you up at 8, okay?”

Kagome glanced down at the calendar on the brother's desk. Well, since today is only Thursday, I guess that does give me more than a few more days with my mom. Twirling a finger through the coiled cord of the telephone, she stated, “That sounds great, Yuka, call me later this week to remind me okay?”

“Will do, bestest friend in the whole wide world! See you then!” she gushed excitedly.

“Bye, Silly,” Kagome replied with a grin as she turned and hung-up the phone with a shake of her head.

“About freaking time,” Souta growled stepping up behind her. “Now if you have something important to say about what's up with Mom we can talk, otherwise Nola and I need to finish our homework.”

Kagome rolled her eyes. “Nope, nothing new, but we do need to keep an eye on her, okay?”

Souta pushed her towards the door. “Yeah, sure we'll keep an eye on her. Now get out.”

Kagome laughed and stepped through the open door. Glancing back at Nola who was sitting with her hands placed innocently in her lap, and her cheeks stained a rosy red, Kagome's eyes bulged as she leaned back into the room and hissed tauntingly, “I'm so going to tell Mom, on the both you! I mean it Souta, I'm going to tell!”

“What are you, five?” Souta snapped, his cheeks pinking ever so slightly as he glanced back at a crimson faced Nola sitting guiltily on his bed. “Just go away,” he growled turning back to his older sibling.

“Sure, sure, I'll go away, but the first thump or moan I hear I'm-”

Souta slammed the door in her face, and Kagome just stood there staring at it as if she couldn't believe that he'd just been so rude to her.

After blinking a few times, her dismay quickly turned into understanding, and then laughter and finally she turned, her laughter trailing out behind her as she started back the way she'd come.

Simonkal of Inuy

Inuyasha pushed away from his desk and glanced over at the cell phone that he'd been trying to ignore for the past three hours. He growled angrily and stood to his feet stepping away from the device and the desk altogether.

I'm not going to call her! Shit, how much talking can any couple do before it gets more than a little played out?

At first talking to her on the phone was nice; it soothed him and gave him just a little more patience to wait for her return. Now all it seemed to be doing was tying his innards into knots, and twisting his heart as if trying to break it.

Of course, he still enjoyed hearing her voice, he longed for it. And yes the conversations they had were more than a little entertaining, but it was like dangling a piece of raw fresh meat in front of a wild tiger with no intention of ever giving it to the poor animal.

Damn it, it was cruel and unusual punishment, and she `the girlfriend' was the most twisted ring master of them all.

She-devil, he hissed, no hint of a smile on his face.

He slouched down on the sofa in his office, his head falling back hard against the high back. He knew he could very easily just have gotten up and gone home, but what was the point, she wasn't there, and she hadn't been there for what seemed like ages.

He'd moved back to his place now, and at first he'd thought that maybe that was a good thing because being surrounded by her things and her scent just wasn't doing a damn thing for his sanity.

Not to mention, that blasted voice that he'd still yet to figure out was damn near whining for her. It wasn't words, no, but just an insistent fucking whimpering. At first, he'd thought that it was Ashton, who seemed to be doing the best out of the both them in her absence, but then he realized one night when he'd awakened coated in a thin sheen of moisture and reaching for her in the darkness that the noise was coming from him, but not with his lips or his voice box.

It was in his head and he could hear it just as clearly as he could see his hands in front of his face. That thing, the red eyed monster that was apparently inside of him-a figment of his imagination-missed the blasted woman too!

When he'd realized this, he'd almost gone back up to see Totosai, but quickly dismissed that thought all together. He'd even attempted broaching the topic with Sesshomaru, but decided against that too, because he'd probably try to check him into a mental institution or worse.

In the end, he'd reconciled himself to the fact that he really was probably just losing his fucking mind. So, did it really matter whether there was a valid explanation for it or not?

Nope, not to him.

He'd deal with it like he dealt with everything else, on his own.

When the nights grew too long and the liquor that he'd drank during the earlier hours had worn off, he actually-on a few occasions-called up the airlines and booked a round-trip flight to Kyoto. On one of these occasions he'd even packed a bag and started towards the door, but something always stopped him dead in his tracks.

It could've been that by going to her, when she clearly didn't have as desperate a need for him, tore at his pride and his ego. Or it could have been that just the idea of seeing her enjoying herself without him would've just hurt a little too much. He didn't truthfully know what it was, but he knew that he didn't like that feeling.

Inuyasha leaned forward, his elbows balanced on his knees as he stared over at the chow that was curled up on the make shift bed at the far end of his office. He'd taken up bringing the dog with him to work…

Actually, that's a lie.

He took the damn dog everywhere he went with the exception of restaurants, which he didn't venture to too often these days. It was almost like Ashton was his one last life line to her.

The pup belonged to her, so if he took care of him and kept him close then it was like keeping a piece of her with him all the time, right?

Ashton looked up at him as if hearing his name called, and Inuyasha raised one eyebrow back at the dog as if they were having a silent conversation.

Rolling his eyes, the hanyou stood to his feet and declared aloud, “I don't want to either, but it's time to go, Mutt.”

Stepping back over to his desk, he made quick work of stuffing his cell phone into the front shirt pocket of his soft yellow button down. He then walked swiftly around his desk.

Pulling open the top draw, he grabbed the thick leather wrapped leash he'd recently bought since the dog had chewed through the cheaper one Kagome had purchased when she first got him, and then picked up his car keys.

Starting around the desk again, he slowed as he heard footsteps coming leisurely towards his office, but he paid it no mind because he knew by smell whom it was.

Aston jogged towards him as if knowing it was time go, and Inuyasha bent down ruffling the dog's thick mane as the door to the office pushed open, revealing the two most sadistic people he knew.

Okay, so maybe sadistic was a little too strong of a word to use for Rin, but after leaving him to babysit those damn twins on one too many an occasion, well, she was definitely running a tight race with her mate.

“Hi, Lover,” Rin cooed, damn near skipping across the floor towards him.

Standing straight again, Inuyasha forced a tight smile and caught her as she flung her arms around his neck and tipped up on her toes to give him a peck on the cheek.

Yeah, if he wasn't sure he was losing it before, he knew he was losing it now. He could feel his insides trying desperately to pull away from Rin. It was like his body knew that she wasn't the one that he wanted to be touching right now.

He brushed that thought away and forced his smile to widen as he took a step back away from her and sat on the edge of his desk, her fingers interlaced weakly with his own. He noticed offhandedly that even this slight of a touch just didn't feel right anymore. When did he start feeling like this towards Rin? When had he started paying attention to the way she touched him?

“It's that time again,” she stated happily, stepping up a little closer and spinning so that she was leaning back against him, her back to his chest, she standing between his parted legs.

A vicious growl echoed loudly in his head, and Inuyasha flinched and pushed to his feet stepping away from her. In order to try and down play it, he went back to Ashton and latched the leash onto his collar.

Glancing up at Sesshomaru, whom hadn't moved a step from the door, the hanyou realized that his brother probably noticed more than he wanted him to, and cringe when his question was answered.

“Inuyasha, are you feeling well?” Sesshomaru questioned while taking two long strides further into the office.

“Oh, he feels fine,” Rin answered for Inuyasha quickly. “Or at least he will this weekend,” she finished in a singsong voice.

Tearing his gaze away from his brother, the hanyou glanced over at Rin and took a short step back from her as if he needed just a little more distance between them. “What's going on this weekend?” he questioned unable to put even an ounce of interest into his tone.

Rin giggled girlishly, her eyes shining bright and the hanyou couldn't help but to snort at her playfully childish antics. She was a grown woman-a blind person could see that-with children and a mate, and it seemed that no matter how many years went by, she always seemed to be able to hold on to this innocent adoring nature of hers.

Looking away from her after a brief moment and back at Sesshomaru who was still staring at him as if trying to read his mind, Inuyasha shook his head quickly and turned his attention back to Rin. “So are you going to keep me in suspense, Wench, or are you going to let me in on the secret?”

Rin laughed again and skipped back to where her mate was standing. “Well, it's time for our family portrait to be painted again!”

Inuyasha groaned loudly, his shoulders slumping forward in defeat. Just fucking shoot me already, would you? He never, ever, ever liked doing this.

Not once in the time since his family had implemented this ridiculous tradition could he remember a time that he wasn't dragged along, kicking and screaming. He supposed that, that was why on the 10 or so portraits that they did have, his face was always set in a deep scowl, his eyebrows furrowed and his fangs showing.

He hated it! No, that was too nice of a word; he absolutely and without a shadow of a doubt resented, despised, and loathed the entire process! It was something that his mom and dad had started when he was five or so.

Every three to five years or when there was something special that happened that needed to be immortalized they'd get on one of their private jets, and fly to whatever godforsaken hole in the wall studio Matsumoto-the fucking faggot-was working in and stand for fucking hours while he supposedly painted them.

The entire time that he stood there with his family looking like an eccentric bunch of idiots, the bastard would make blatant passes at him as if there was ever a doubt in his mind as to which way he swung.

Mud-dipping just wasn't his thing, not even with women, and he'd be damned if he bent over and let anybody shove their dick in his ass! No, that bullshit just wasn't ever going to happen!

The last time that Masumoto had come onto him, he'd passed by the asshole on the way to the bathroom and the prick had actually had the temerity to reach out and pinch his ass. It had taken the gods in heaven, Sesshomaru and their father to keep him from ripping into that dick-loving prick's jugular.

After all that, the son of a bitch still had the audacity to wink and blow a kiss at him as they were leaving.

Inuyasha didn't have a problem with that sort of lifestyle at all as long as the perpetrator understood that he was off limits, and that he had no desire to hear anything about their sordid excursions.

“Not interested,” the hanyou snapped curtly, gripping Ashton's leash tightly in his hand.

“Inuyasha, it won't be a family portrait without you,” she retorted quickly.

He snorted. “It'll be better that way, trust me.”

Her eyebrows furrowed together as she stared at him, but he didn't look away. He would not back down from this one, besides it seemed like whatever magic she had over him was gone now; she wouldn't be able to guilt him into it.

“We have to do this now, while Gage and Takira are still infants,” she told him hopefully.

“You don't need me for this portrait, Rin. You've got your family.”

“Some of them,” she corrected softly, her eyes looking as if they were about to mist over, and he could've sworn that he saw his brother shake his head in an exasperated manner, but he couldn't be sure.

Damn it, he stated to himself, his eye's now trained on her face. The evil that women do…

She took three quick steps towards him, and the hanyou almost flinched back. He had to force his feet not to retreat from her. What the hell is going on? This was making no sense to him!

Since when was he afraid of Rin? He shook his head. No, he wasn't afraid of her…he just didn't want her to touch him.

He looked up at Sesshomaru, his eyes riddled with questions he was too afraid to put a voice to and Sesshomaru stepped up quickly snaking his arms around his mate's waist and pulling her back a few feet.

The anxiety left his body almost immediately and the hanyou sighed, a thankful whine hissing through his teeth without his permission.

Sesshomaru stared at him, his head twisting slightly from right to left and back again, but he said nothing.

Rin glanced up at Sesshomaru, a quizzical look on her face, but she remained where she was. “Lover, what's wrong with you? Are you upset at me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No…nothing…No,” the hanyou stuttered unsurely, hating himself for making her feel as if she needed to ask him such idiotic questions. “I'm just tired I guess. I haven't been sleeping all that well.”

“You miss Kagome?” Rin queried softly, her legs looking as if they wanted to carry her across the floor and towards him.

Noticing this, the hanyou gripped Ashton's leash harder and demanded his body not react. Rin was family, damn it! This was stupid! It was ignorant! She wasn't going to hurt him and she couldn't even if she tried! This was just utter nonsense!

He steeled his resolve as he turned his gaze away from Rin and towards his older brother whose expression was for once anything but impassive. He seemed even more confused by what was going on than the hanyou was.

“Nah, I don't miss-” His jaw locked on the words and he shook his head, What the fuck? He closed his eyes and tried again, still the words locked somewhere deep in his throat. Inuyasha swallowed and finished, “I'm fine. I'm just tired, Rin.” He told himself that the minute they left him alone, he was going to call the guys with the padded cell and check himself in.

“I think you need to get away for a little while, Lover. It's not good for you to be just sitting around here waiting on her. It's been almost two weeks right or just over it?”

Inuyasha growled low and hissed angrily, “I'm not waiting on her!”

Rin's head snapped back as if he'd just slapped her and Inuyasha felt the guilt of having yelled at her assail every fiber of his being. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-” he murmured. “I'm just tired.”

Rin recovered quickly. “It's fine, but this just proves that you need to come on this family vacation, Inuyasha. The family portrait will just be a small part of it.”

He growled, but he didn't dismiss what she'd said. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was losing his everlasting mind because he was sitting around here counting the fucking hours, and days until she decided to fucking come back. Maybe if he got away and found a little distraction, he wouldn't feel as if he was coming undone at the seams. For god's sake, he was losing control of his own fucking body. This was unreal, it was ludicrous and damn near ridiculous.

A little distraction, a quickie that's it; no names, no numbers just sex, he told himself quietly, A little distraction.

Inhaling deeply, the hanyou forced a smile and stated, “Alright, you win-like you always do. I'll be there.”

“This is going to be so awesome!!” she squealed loudly and the hanyou flinched at the sound, his ears laying back flat against his head reflexively.

Rin jumped up and down, twisting out of Sesshomaru's grasp and charged towards the hanyou. He dropped Ashton's leash and tried to brace himself for the contact, but he wasn't fast enough.

She plowed against him, her body soft against his. He could feel the groves of her body, her soft ample breasts against his hard chest, her hips against his groin, and smell her once fragrant scent.

He wasn't turned on by her; it was worse than that! He could feel it in every fiber of his body, she repulsed him.

It was instantaneous; his world darkened and swirled in colors of reds and darker purples twisting into itself while igniting such a fierce pain that was buried so deep within him that the hanyou could feel his knees begin to buckle as his hands came up on impulse to the area where their chests touched.

What…the…hell?

He wanted to pry her off of him like she was the discarded underwear of a disease carrying prostitute, or the dead flesh that maggots ate. Her touch…she… It felt like she was killing him or damn near trying to.

Even though he could feel the agony that slowly swelled within every joint of his body, he couldn't say that he understood a fraction or an ounce of what was going or why it was happening. All he knew at this moment was that he wanted her off of him, he need desperately for her to back away quickly and he didn't want to hurt her in order to get it done.

Being careful of his claws, he kept his eyes closed as he stated softly and through gritted teeth, his voice coming out strained and husky as if it wasn't him speaking at all, “Please Rin, go back to Sesshomaru. Please.”

She leaned back; he could feel her gaze on him. “Lover, since when-”

“Just…” it came out in an animalistic soft tone, “Go!”

“Rin!” Sesshomaru called urgently, and then he was there standing between the hanyou and the confused woman. “Go to my office, Rin,” he ordered. “Now!”

“But… What? Why? What's wrong with him? Why?”

“Now,” Sesshomaru snarled again, his eyes trained on his brother, his clawed hands balled into tight fists.

Inuyasha didn't know if she would leave, but slowly as she moved away he could feel the pain, the agony, the fire that had built inside of him decrease. Relief washed over him with the desperate need of a baby to their mother's tit.

He relaxed, opening his eyes to stare at his brother. Questions and apologies riddled his face.

Sesshomaru snarled at him, grabbing his shoulders roughly and turning him towards the glass windows. “How long Inuyasha? How long has this been going on?”

The hanyou was too weak and confused to fight against him, but as he stared at his reflection or rather as his reflection stared back at him, red eyes glowing like vibrant blood red moons, he closed his eyes and hung his head, his shoulders, his ego, his pride defeated.

“How long,” Sesshomaru growled again, his fist clenched at his sides once more.

His answer came out sounding like a whisper, “I told you. I tried to tell you. I went to Totosai. I did what you told me to do, but it's still happening. It…” He turned to face his brother, blood red slowly fading to gold again, “It's not getting any better, Sesshomaru.” He looked away, feeling weak for what he was about to say next, but knowing there was really know way around it, “I don't understand what happening to me. I…I feel like I'm being torn in two.”

“You could've hurt Rin, Inuyasha! If I wasn't here-”

The hanyou's head snapped up, his anger quickly replacing his confusion. “All praise the King of Dogs,” he snarled sarcastically.

He glared at Sesshomaru for a moment longer before trying to push past him, but the full demon wasn't moving. Inuyasha growled low, challenging him.

“Shut up,” Sesshomaru hissed so softly through clenched teeth that the hanyou actually quieted and relaxed just a little. They stared back at each other unblinking as if reading the other's mind. Their stares were so intense that they appeared to be marble statues positioned perfectly, the shorter version defiant to the taller much stronger one.

Ashton whined and barked softly, and Inuyasha stepped back and shook his head. He glanced back at his brother and started around him. He was half expecting Sesshomaru to stop him again, but he didn't at first. He actually let him get half-way to the door before he spoke.

“Rin's touch affected you?”

Inuyasha didn't know if this was a statement of fact or a question, but he paused as he responded, “Affect, doesn't begin to describe it.”

“What did it feel like?”

“I don't know. Off the top of my head I'd have to say that it just felt wrong.” He turned to face his brother, caution thrown out to wind. “It felt like torture, Sesshomaru; death at its finest hour.”

“When did you first notice…this difference?”

“Just now,” he snorted, his face knotted and his eyes weary. “Big Brother, it doesn't make any sense.” That was a term of endearment that Inuyasha knew he hadn't used in almost 15 years. It was reserved for times when he felt lost, helpless and lonely. It was only used when he needed to feel less like the protector and more like the protected.

Sesshomaru inhaled deeply and closed his eye calming himself. Strolling slowly towards Inuyasha, he placed a hand lightly on his shoulder and ordered, “Have a seat, I think it's time that we try to figure this out together.”

“Big… Sesshomaru, do you know what's going on with me,” he asked hopefully.

“I think I have an idea, but I don't know for certain, Inuyasha.”

The hanyou glanced at him one last time, before turning and heading over to the couch. He didn't really care if he knew or not, maybe just having someone to really talk to about this would give him a better handle on what was happening inside him.

He didn't want to hurt Rin, not because of her innocent touching, and Kagome. Gods, if Kagome was here and she was touching him, how in the hell was he going to explain his reaction to her. She was `the girlfriend' she was supposed to be able to do whatever the hell she wanted to him-in a touchy feely kind of way-and damn if he still didn't want her all over him, in him, on him. It didn't matter he just wanted her.

He closed his eyes, as he heard the door click shut, his brother coming back from telling Rin to go ahead of him once she was done in his office.

“I think you're going to need this family vacation more than ever when we're done talking, Inuyasha.”

“That bad?” the hanyou questioned softly. All of a sudden he felt like he was 8 years old again and Sesshomaru was trying to get their dad not to ground him for breaking all of his mother's priceless ceramic eggs.

“Well, that all depends on how you look at it, but I think the time away from here will do you some good.”

“When are we leaving?”

“We weren't going to leave until Saturday, but I think its best that we leave tomorrow instead.”

He reached down rubbing Ashton's right ear. “And him? I can't really leave him alone; Kagome would kill me.”

He missed the unprecedented smirk and look of approval his brother shot him as he responded, “Rin is taking care of that now.”

Inuyasha sighed, his body so heavy and weighted down with all the things he didn't know and the emotions of missing `the girlfriend' that he felt like at any moment he'd be flattened into a pancake or worse, the road scum that stuck to a person's tire tread and followed him home.

Biting down on his lower lip, he closed his eyes and allowed his head to lay back against the chair. He didn't know why, but after the words left his lips he felt a rush of relief, “There's a voice in my head, Sesshomaru, and it's not mine.”

Until Next Time…(Your .02 cents are appreciated!!)

Next Chapter: Unprecedented Moments of Insanity

Acknowledgments:

~ Niiicko ~ Loulou*nsi* ~ Mynera ~ AvidRabid ~ Miss_Marilyn69 ~ Deipurple ~ FoxyLove ~ GoldenDust ~ Ravens_Ashs ~ Angel-up-above-heaven ~ Zetsuii ~ CrazyKiss