InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Heartache is Just a Feeling ❯ Heartache is Just a Feeling ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

My vision was blurry and I didn’t recognize any of my surroundings. The air was humid and stale causing me to think that it would soon start raining. I could hear my friends trying to fight off whatever had attacked us, but for some reason I couldn’t make out what it was. I tried to focus my gaze hoping that maybe I could remember how this started.

We had been traveling like we always did. The sky was blue, the clouds were fluffy, and we had been laughing at a silly prank Shippo had pulled on InuYasha. It had been just a regular day. A day that had started out like so many others. Then all of a sudden the sky darkened and we had all gotten tense, knowing that an attack was near.

I remembered InuYasha drawing out his sword and moving into his defensive stance. Yet we had not been prepared for the strike that had come from behind, slicing through the middle of us, sending us flying in opposite directions.

I had hit my head and that was what caused the blurriness. It had been the only injury that effected me greatly. I closed my eyes hoping that the throbbing pain would stop, but it was a desire that would not be fulfilled.

The battle cry InuYasha let out had me searching through my blurriness. I tried to pinpoint the speeding red distortion, but my hazy mind couldn’t keep up. I placed my fingers on my temples and tried to sooth my mind into to cooperating. It was too loud for me to really concentrate and I yearned for some peace and quiet.

He let out another cry but this one was different from the last one. I whipped my head up and squinted over at the red blob. Maybe it was the blow to the head that made me react the way I did or maybe I had just seen him get hurt too many times for my own good, but what I did next would be something I would never be able to do again.

It was astonishing how my vision cleared when I saw the thing that had attacked us towering over his hunched form with a dagger plunged into his chest. My body reacted before my mind. I charged over to the both of them in a full fit of rage. InuYasha attempted to tell me to back off, but the effort only had blood cascading over his lips.

The demon took in my appearance and, seeing as the arrows that were slung over my shoulder were not accompanied by a bow, chuckled at my fury. “Pathetic human.” It turned its back on me and refocused his attention on InuYasha. It was a fatal move on its part.

I knew the moment I shoved both my hands onto its back that I had only a few seconds to do the deed. It veered its head to look over its shoulder at me, but it didn’t have time to react for I was already in the process of sending jolts of purification through its body.

I had focused all of my energy into ending its life that when it was nothing but dust I couldn’t even hold myself up. All my vigor was gone. I remember the last thing I heard before I hit the dirt was InuYasha choking out my name. Then all was black.

When I came to I was lying inside a hut. Yet it wasn’t just any hut. It was one I had been in countless times. One that was so familiar it was like my second home. I was lying inside Kaede’s hut.

I had no way of knowing how long I had been out and I still didn’t have any of my strength back. I pulled the memories of what had happened out of the recesses of my mind. I relived everything before my eyes shot open. InuYasha had been hurt.

I tried to look around, but the strain of my neck muscles had me rethinking my hasty movements. I surveyed the dark hut and only came across four sleeping forms. Everyone was accounted for except the one I desperately wanted to see.

I had to see him. I had to make sure he was alright. I just knew I wouldn’t feel better until I could see him.

Though my body protested, somehow I managed to stand by supporting myself against the wall. My legs were shaking badly and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold myself up once I was outside. However, the desire to be near him was greater than my desire to rest. I could rest later when I found him.

I gradually made it out of the hut and as soon as I lost the wall’s support, I fell to my knees. The dirt cut into my exposed flesh causing me to hiss, but I had to shrugged it off. I didn’t have the strength to walk and every muscle in my body was throbbing.

My arm felt like it weighed fifty pounds as I brought it up to begin crawling. The other one was even heavier. As I crawled, it became more tiring and I even collapsed a couple of times to catch my breath.

I didn’t know where I was going. I had no clue where he could be. He wasn’t in his usual tree. The place where I thought he’d be.

I crawled a little further, knowing I had no destination. By that time, my hands and knees were scuffed up to the point that they were bleeding, but I pushed myself to keep going. I looked toward the forest and immediately knew that was were he was.

Beautiful orbs of light, that were the souls of the dead, floated above the trees. He was with her.

I suddenly felt pathetic. Wanting to be near him when really I was the last thing on his mind.

I collapsed from the strain of everything. I laid my cheek against the rough dirt, willing it to swallow me whole. Yet I knew it wouldn’t.

I didn’t know how long I laid there. My face was wet from my silent tears and my body begged for sleep. Nevertheless, I did not sleep nor move. What was the point in sleeping? He didn’t care that I was sprawled on the ground drowning in my own misery.

He was with her. Of course he’d go to her if she called. No matter the condition I was in.

I closed my eyes and listened to the talkative night. The owls hooted and the crickets chirped. The wind blew which made the trees’ leaves rustle. What was more if I could listen closely enough, I could hear a heart breaking. A heart, I regret to say, that belonged to me.

Would this pain ever end? I was so tired of this pain. My heart was no more than a scar. A wound that would never get to heal. Yet no matter how many times he broke it, it still only beat for him.

InuYasha was what my heart longed for. A desire it would never be able to cherish. How many times would it take before my heart learned its lesson? Over and over again he has broken my heart and he probably doesn’t even realize he has done it.

I forced myself not to think about him anymore, but it proved to be more difficult when all I wanted was to be by his side. Even if he would rather she be there instead of me.

I could suddenly hear footsteps approaching, but I didn’t have the strength to move nor the desire to see who or what it was. The footsteps come closer with every passing second. I didn’t care who it was. It could kill me and I wouldn’t have the strength to fight it.

The footsteps stopped and I could feel the figure looming over me. I couldn’t see what it was, but I could feel its eyes on me. I waited patiently for it to attack, but for several long minutes nothing happened.

I heard the figure heave a sigh before it kneeled down beside me. “Come on Kagome, let’s get you back to bed.” a familiar masculine voice whispered as it gently pulled me into a sitting position before taking hold of my arms.

I had no idea why he was out here, but I didn’t want to leave the roughness of the ground. Though my body protested, I tried to wail my arms out of his grip. It was a poor attempt because he didn’t even have to tighten his hold on me.

“Kagome, you know he wouldn’t want you out here.” he whispered and the softness of his voice had the tears I had been keeping at bay cascade over the brim of my eyes. I knew what Miroku spoke was the truth, but I needed InuYasha and he wasn’t there.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry you-you had to come o-out and get m-me.” I sobbed unable to shake off the loneness I felt. It was then that I started to convulse. I couldn’t stop. I was having an emotional breakdown over something I had already known.

Miroku didn’t say anything to my comment. Instead he lifted me up into his arms and carried me back into the hut. I stared over his shoulder at the forest until the swinging door shielded it from my view. Miroku laid me down in the spot that I had been in earlier. He even went to the trouble of tucking me in. His kindness left me feeling pathetic more than loved. I closed my eyes hoping that it would make everything stop.

I heard Miroku walk over to the far side of the hut and sit down against the wall. No doubt he was going to watch me for the rest of the night. It was then that I heard Sango whisper, “How is she?”

Miroku sighed, “I’ve never seen her this upset.” he murmured and I felt a new wave of pity wash over me. “I’m worried about her Sango. I really am.”

“Me too. All this stress can’t be good for her injuries.”

“InuYasha should really be here.” Miroku uttered and at the sound of his name I had to suppress a whimper. I forced myself to stop listening and after numerous minutes I blacked out.

The next morning, I awoke to the abrasive sounds of people walking around. I sluggishly opened my eyes and found that no one was in the hut and that the noises I had heard were coming from outside. I tried to move my arms but my late night adventure left them unresponsive.

The villagers sure were chatty that morning I thought. I couldn’t concentrate on any one voice. They all sort of jumbled together. For the next couple of minutes I tried to concentrate on anything at all, but didn‘t succeed. It seemed that all I could think about was the pain that was throbbing throughout my body.

A moment later Miroku walked into the hut. When he saw that I was awake, he smiled down at me. “Good morning Kagome.” he said as he sat down on the floor beside my makeshift bed.

“Good morning.” Though it didn’t sound as cheerful as Miroku’s, it didn’t seem to bother him.

“And how are you this morning?” he asked and I thought of the night before. I had been a wreck and I still was. Both physically and emotionally. I tried to shrug my shoulders, but it proved impossible. So I opted to using my voice again.

“Fine.” I could barely consider it a whisper, but Miroku seemed to hear nonetheless.

Miroku nodded. “That’s good. Do you want me to go get Sango so she can change your bandages?” I didn’t get the chance to tell him no because at that moment the one person I was looking forward to and dreading to see walked into the hut. I felt myself tense up and my eyes go wide.

As if I had no control, I was taking in his appearance. He was wearing his usual kimono with his arms crossed over his chest. From this I couldn‘t tell if he wound had already healed or not.

“Hey monk, how’s the cripple doing?” I could always tell when he was joking and this, like so many other times before, was his way of showing sympathy.

Now Miroku had never before show any sort of overprotective feelings toward me, but as soon as the words left InuYasha’s mouth Miroku made sure he regretted them. “Well InuYasha as you can see she seems to be bedridden. Though she won’t admit it she’s in a great deal of pain.” I inwardly winced at his assumption. Was I that easy to read? “In addition to her wonderful bill of health, when she woke up last night all she wanted was to see you but you were no where to be found.”

I silently made a note to thank Miroku for not telling InuYasha everything that happened the night before.

Though InuYasha didn’t show any sign that what Miroku said effected him, I thought I saw his eyes darken. “What are you getting at?” he asked all sense of fun gone from his voice.

“You know damn well what I’m getting at!” Miroku yelled as he stood up. “You have no idea how much she’s suffered cause you were too busy running off to Kikyo!”

What happened next happened in a blink of a eye. InuYasha had Miroku by the collar of his robe up against the wall. “Why don’t you mind your own fucking business,” he growled and I feared what he would do next. “because you don’t know a damn thing!”

“Oh don’t I?” Miroku quirked an eyebrow. I was surprised that he was still able to hold his own and touched that he was sticking up for me.

“No you don’t.” InuYasha’s voice, if it was even possible, got even lower and I knew it was time to stop them. With the strength I didn’t know I had, I pushed myself onto my elbows. “So why--”

“Stop it! Just stop it.” I yelled at them. It apparently did its job because InuYasha stopped mid-sentence and they both looked over at me. I couldn’t take anymore of what was going on and seeing him again confirmed that I had dreaded it more than I had been looking forward to it. I hesitated before asking, but I knew it was the only way I could get out of here. “. . . InuYasha I want to go home. Please take me there.”

I watched as his ears fell back against his head as he let Miroku fall onto the floor. I didn’t have time, however, to feel bad about it because he walked over and lifted me into his arms. The feel of his hands on my exposed thighs had more effect on me than I thought it would. Maybe him taking me home wasn’t such a good idea.

“Kagome . . .” Miroku said and I could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“I’ll be okay Miroku.” I reassured him and myself, but he didn’t seem to believe me. He looked down at the ground dejectedly. “Miroku,” He looked back up at me. “thanks . . . for being there for me.” A small smile graced his lips and I knew he understood that this was the way things were and would always be.

InuYasha walked with a strict resolute. He wouldn’t look at me and I couldn’t help but feel grateful about it. I didn’t know what to say to him and I didn’t know how he felt about what Miroku said. Was he angry with me? Did he think I was angry with him? ‘Cause I wasn’t. I wasn’t angry. I was hurt.

The silence lasted until we entered the forest. I had thought that maybe he would let what Miroku said go, but that didn’t seem to be the case. “Kagome, I didn’t mean to abandon--”

“Not now InuYasha.” I said slowly, tiresomely. I couldn’t take that conversation yet and as much as I wanted to ask him about his chest now just wasn’t the time. “Just take me home.”

The rest of the walk was ill at ease. If I had been able to move without being in pain I probably would have been fidgeting. InuYasha appeared to be tense. It was always tense between us after he went to see Kikyo. Although, as I glanced up at his face discreetly, his eyes weren’t the usual calm that followed after visiting with her. His eyes were troubled. I didn’t know what to think of it, so I just looked back out at the path before us.

Right before he jumped into the well, he readjusted me in his arms carefully. I felt as his hands moved on the back of my thighs and on my back. The shiver that followed was involuntary. The act stopped him and he caught my eye. The trance his eyes could put me in was truly a gift of his. That particular situation only lasted a moment because I pulled my eyes away from his with great effort. It was the look in his eyes that lasted longer. They were full of guilt and sorrow, but I didn’t want to listen to the message they were trying to deliver.

With the time warp surrounding us I could almost feel calm. InuYasha’s shoulders even appeared to relax. It was a feeling that the both of us had experienced many times. An experience that still left me in awe. Maybe I took the well for granted most of the time, but I was still grateful to it. After all, it was the thing that brought me to InuYasha and no matter how much heartache I went through I could never regret meeting him.

He walked right through my front door, right past my surprised looking mother, and up the stairs to my room. He delicately laid me on my bed and then just as he was about to leave he told me to get better soon. He was gone before I was able to crane my neck around and look toward the window. I felt the unshed tears form behind my eyes and since I was in the confines of my own room I let them fall freely.

Why did everything have to be so difficult? Why couldn’t I just accept the simple fact that he still loved Kikyo? Yes I loved him, but it was an unrequited love. I couldn’t measure up to her for I hadn’t given up my life to be with him. She was undefeatable. I didn’t stand a chance in the race for his heart.

I laid there, from lack of being able to do anything else, feeling sorry for myself for about ten minutes before my mother felt it was time to check up on me. “How are you feeling Dear?” she asked and I saw that she was holding a steaming cup of something. “You looked to be in bad shape. This medicine should help.”

She helped me sit up and then passed me the cup. The overwhelming smell of lilacs assaulted my nose. It was really strong, but not in a bad way. I tilted the cup forward and felt as the liquid flowed down my throat. I couldn’t help but think that if spring had a flavor that it would taste like the medicine.

“Does it taste alright?” my mother asked. I nodded as I placed the cup on my nightstand then laid back down. I suddenly felt a bit drowsy. My mother smiled down at me and then picked up the cup. The last thing I remembered was watching her walk out of the room and closing the door behind her.

When I awoke, it was already dark outside. I sat up and stretched before I noticed I could move again. That medicine sure did work fast. One of the great things about modern times. I decided that a hot shower would do me good and fifteen minutes later I was feeling refreshed.

I walked down stairs, with my towel over my shoulders so that my damp hair wouldn’t soil my clean shirt, and found my family gathered around the television watching a movie. My mother was the first to notice my presence. “Oh Kagome, are you hungry? I can heat up some of the leftovers from dinner if you’d like?”

I smiled and shook my head. “No thanks Mom. I’m not feeling too hungry.” I replied then sat down on the couch next to Grandpa. “I think I’ll just watch the rest of the movie with you.”

Souta, who was lying on his stomach on the floor, turned and looked at me. “Sis, are you okay? Normally when you’re feeling better you’d head back over to the feudal era.”

“Well, I just don’t feel like going back yet.” I said without taking my eyes off the television screen. “I don’t think I need permission to spend time with my family.”

My mother must of sensed the tone of my voice because she was the one to reply. “Of course you don’t Dear. We love it when you’re home.”

“That’s right.” Grandpa chimed in. “In fact, it was becoming bothersome making up all those diseases you have. I’m thankful for the break.”

I rolled my eyes at his comment. “I’m glad I could help Gramps.” I stare at the screen watching the characters move and talk but not really comprehending what was going on. When it did finally end, Mother announced that it was time for bed. Sota and I trudged our way up the stairs and even though I had slept the day away I felt exhausted.

I was about to go into my room when Sota stopped me. “Sis, did something happen between you and InuYasha?”

I froze with my hand outstretched toward my doorknob. Was I that much of an open book? I must have been since even my little brother could tell what was wrong. Granted he didn’t know what happen, but he still knew that something did happen. “What gives you that idea?”

He shrugged. “You seem really sad and I’ve noticed that you’re only ever like that when you and InuYasha have had a fight.” Why were little brothers so nosy? I turned and looked at him, then gave him a quick once-over.

“It’s nothing to be concerned about.” I said as I put on a fake smile. “I’m sure I’ll get over it before you know it.” I saw his eyebrows raise as he gave me a look of disbelief. So what if he didn’t believe me. It wasn’t any of his business anyway.

Souta didn’t say anything for a moment. As if debating on what he should say. I guess in the end he decided to let it go. “If you say so Sis.” Then he retreated to his room.

As it turned out, I didn’t get over it. I stayed home for the rest of the week. My family was concerned about me for I had never stayed that long without a test coming up or something else school related. I was more or less in a trace. Just trying to make it through the day without thinking about him. Though I wasn’t very good at it. I couldn’t even escape him in my dreams.

By the tenth day, my mother started asking little questions in hopes that it would lead to me spilling my guts to her. Nevertheless, I held my guard. How could I talk to her about something that I was trying my hardest to cover up?

On the twelfth day, I went shopping with my friends. At first they didn’t notice how quiet I was or how little I ate, but when the topic changed to me I looked away. Not wanting to reveal too much of my heartache, but failing miserably. They must have seen the hurt my eyes betrayed for they were speechless. It was the first time they let the topic drop without so much as a word from me.

Three days later I knew I had to go back. I couldn’t hid forever, and besides with Naraku still alive and the jewel incomplete I couldn’t exactly turn my back on the feudal era. I slowly packed the supplies I needed as I dreaded what I was about to do.

My mother told me, as I made my way out of the house, if I wasn’t ready to go back then I didn’t have to. But that wasn‘t an option. I had staled as long as I could.

I placed my leg over the lip of the well and then the other. I took a deep breath then pushed off the side. The warp welcomed me with open arms and I felt as light as a feather. I relished in the feeling of time as I coasted from one era to the next. I longed for it to last just a bit longer, but it ended all too soon.

With a sigh, I started to heave myself up the side of the well. Gripping onto the vines, praying they would support both myself and the heavy pack on my back. When I reached the top, I felt spent as I looked around, taking in the familiar surroundings. Without even trying to catch my breath, I started to trek down the path toward the village.

The hike was refreshing. I forgot how calm the forest could be. My nerves almost relaxed . . . but only almost. I began clearing my mind by thinking of the little things I had missed from my home away from home. One being the serenity of the forest. Another was the how crisp the air tasted. It wasn’t stale like the air back home, though people in the village probably didn’t notice since they had never tasted the polluted air of the modern era. I also missed being able to see the miraculous view of the stars at night. At home they were a dull relic of what they once were.

Before I knew it I was entering the outskirts of the village and Kaede’s was one of the first huts visible. I pushed the straw door out of my way as I went inside. I found Kaede sitting in the middle of the room stirring what appeared to be lunch and Sango and Miroku sitting together against the wall. They all looked up at me with surprise written on their faces.

“Kagome?” Sango asked in astonishment. Were they really that surprised to see me return? Had they thought I was never coming back? Sango seemed to be waiting for my reply, but I just stared at them. I tried to recollect my thoughts. Why did I come again? “Kagome?” I heard my name again, but that time I didn’t hear who said it. Why was I suddenly rattled? I knew why I was there. I had to finish my mission. Though hearing their voices brought back the reason why I had left in the first place. Luckily InuYasha wasn’t in the room.

I shook my head, casting those thoughts to the back of my mind and smiled at them. “Hi.” I said simply as I laid my backpack against the door. “How’ve you guys been?”

They blinked in unison. “We’ve been good. How about yourself?” I knew it was the one question they really wanted a honest answer to, but I didn’t think they would let me out of their sights if I told them I had been a wreck for the last two weeks.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m alright.” It appeared to please them for Kaede went back to cooking lunch. Sango and Miroku offered me small smiles as I sat down next to them. “So where’s Shippo?” I looked around the tiny room to see if I had missed him.

“He went down to the creek to play with some of the children from the village.” Miroku answered and I nodded in understanding. I was happy knowing Shippo fit in with the other children. Miroku tilted his head to the side as if observing me. I looked behind me to make sure it was me he was really staring at.

“What?”

“. . . Did you and InuYasha patch things up?” he asked and once again all eyes where on me. Why would he think that I’d even had the chance to talk to InuYasha? I hadn’t been back in two weeks.

“No.” I tell them. “I haven’t seen him since I left. Why would you think that if InuYasha’s been here the whole time?”

Miroku and Sango exchanged glances and then turned back to me with troubled expressions. “We haven’t seen him since he left with you.” Sango replied, still looking bothered. “We just figured you were together. Granted we were beginning to worry when the two of you didn’t return.”

Even though I heard what they’d said, I didn’t understand. InuYasha didn’t come back? Then where was he? The whole thing didn’t make sense. What if something had happened to him? What if his injuries had gotten worse? Even if I was still a little anxious to see him that didn’t mean I wanted to see him hurt. I stood up and walked back outside. Once again I found myself looking for him. Not knowing where to start and memories of that terrible night came rushing back. What if he was with Kikyo? It wouldn’t surprise me. After all, I wasn’t there to interfere. Why wouldn’t he take the chance to go and see her?

I kicked a pebble near my foot and watched as it skidded to a stop a few feet away. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back. Maybe I should have waited another week. I might have had my head cleared by then. Even as I thought that ridiculous consideration, I knew it wasn’t true. I’d never stop feeling unworthy when it came to Kikyo and him.

Not wanting to go back into the hut, I made my way down the path that lead deeper into the village. Everyone was bustling around. Oblivious to my inner turmoil.

The walk, it turned out, was just what I needed. I began to let my mind wander onto what was really bothering me. Onto what I had been trying to block out for the last two weeks. It wasn’t that he had gone to see Kikyo. Although, that did have an impact on my state of mind. Yet it wasn’t what really upset me. He had gone off to her plenty of times before and I’d never gone over the top like I had. It was the fact that I had been wounded when he’d done it. I had risked my life for him and the others and all he could think about was going off to see her.

Did I really mean that little to him? Was she more important than my well-being? That was a stupid question. Of course she was. He loved her. They shared a bond that I had neither hoped to nor wished to break.

Yet, not only was he the love of my life, he was my best friend. I may not know what he saw me as, but I’d like to believe we were at the very least friends. Although, weren’t friends supposed to stay by each other’s sides? Especially when one of them was wounded? Did that mean he didn’t even consider me his friend?

The ache that one thought brought had me feeling lightheaded. My heart could only take so much abuse. I just didn’t know when the expiration date was. How much longer did I have until I could look at him and feel nothing at all?

Before I knew it, I had walked through the entire village. I was so lost in thought that I hadn’t noticed that the village had slowly began to fade into forest. Though it wasn’t InuYasha’s forest. It was the one that bordered the east outskirts. One that I had traveled in with my friends more times than I could count, but right then, beyond its borders, it seemed ominous.

The calls of the birds didn’t seem as cheerful as they had when I had arrived. They seemed to be taunting me in a way that had me wrapping my arms around myself. I didn’t feel safe at all, but instead of turning around and heading back toward the village I started to walk deeper into the forest.

With each terrified step I took, I began to feel lighter. All my fears and doubts seemed to fade with every step I took. They were being replaced with shock. Shock at what I was doing and not knowing exactly why I was doing it.

After about ten minutes of walking, I started to think that I should probably head back. I shivered slightly as an unpromising wind blew against me. I wanted to look at the sky to see if a storm was closing in, but the trees surrounding me shielded it from my view.

Finally deciding to go back, I turned and looked around. I had not been on a path so it was nearly impossible to tell which direction I had come from. The trees blended together making them look alike and they were so tightly packed side by side that I didn’t know how I had managed to get through them in the first place.

Not knowing how to get back, I continued to walk forward. My thought process was that I was bound to make it through the woods eventually. Right?

Then what would I do? Wait until someone noticed I was gone? Even if they did they wouldn’t know where to start looking for me. I might as well have been deserted in a maze. A dangerous maze. It was then that I realized that I didn’t have my bow with me. I was alone in a forest that was crawling with demons. InuYasha would be so angry with me if he had any idea that I was in the woods by myself without any protection. But then again, he wasn’t anywhere nearby to care in the first place.

All sense of time had left me by then and I couldn’t see beyond the tree tops to see where the sun was at in the sky. I was starting to worry about how I would make it back. If I ever made it out maybe I could hire someone in a nearby village to escort me back. It was an option nonetheless.

I didn’t know how long I had been walking, but looking around I felt like I hadn’t moved at all. The surroundings all looked the same. All the trees looked exactly alike. How was I ever going to get out of here?

I listened as animals in the distance scurried around somewhere. To the birds cawing as they flew overhead. The sounds were starting to make my skin crawl. At one time those sounds didn’t bother me, I had been with my friends then. I was alone now and it made my senses amplified. Including my sense of fear.

Just as I started to pickup the pace, the animals stopped scurrying and the retreating flapping sound of birds’ wings were the last thing I heard before the forest fell completely silent. Although, it wasn’t the peaceful silence I had been longing for. It was eerie and I suddenly wished for the sounds back.

I felt my heart start to beat faster and I was on the edge of panicking. I was frozen where I stood and I searched the area around me feverishly. Something wasn’t right. It never got this quiet unless something dangerous was coming. How was I going to protect myself? I had nothing but the measly sticks and stones on the ground.

I tried to listen to any noise that might penetrate the mute surroundings. Something was about to happen. I could feel it. Whatever it was it was coming closer. The air around me began to freeze. The leaves on the trees and the grass were rapidly being coated with frost. The atmosphere was suddenly cold and I wrapped my arms around myself to try and block out the chill.

In the distance, I saw a figure approaching. I could only make out its outline at first, but as it came closer I noticed it appeared made of ice. Its skin was one of the palest shades of blue and it seemed to glimmer in the frosty air. I knew I should have been afraid, but as I gazed upon this creature nothing registered. I felt nothing, heard nothing, and all I could see was that ice demon.

It approached slowly, but steadily. Almost like a glazier. When it stopped in front of me, I felt calm. Though I know I shouldn’t have. I watched as it reached out and grabbed my chin. It was colder than I imagined. I fell to my knees and felt my insides turn to ice.

Just as suddenly as the cold had come, it was gone. I felt foolish for falling so I picked myself up and dusted off my knees. I surveyed the surroundings for the demon, but it was no where in sight. Maybe I had imagined the whole thing?

The sounds of the forest were back and I couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. I begian to make my way through the forest again feeling a little silly. How long had I been out here? An hour maybe? I couldn’t help but laugh at myself for already seeing things.

I continued walking for about five minutes before I became sick of seeing trees. It was then that I heard whispering. Or it sounded like whispering, but as I grew closer the voices became more clear.

I recognized the voices at once for I had been in the scenario many times before. The masculine hushed voice belonged to InuYasha and the urbane feminine voice belonged to Kikyo. As much as I wanted to turn around and give them the privacy they had searched for so far into the forest I couldn’t stop walking toward their voices.

Stopping to hide behind a tree that was just close enough to listen to every word they said.

“Kikyo, I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to hold you like this.” I heard InuYasha murmur and my curiosity got the better of me. I craned my neck around the tree to get a better view. I had to fight back the gasp that collected in my throat at what I saw. InuYasha was sitting at the base of a tree with Kikyo in his lap held passionately to him. Kikyo seemed caught up in the embrace because her eyes were half closed as if she were about to fall asleep.

I watched as she nuzzled against him. “I’ve waited a long time,” Kikyo whispered. “to be held in your arms. Just like this.”

The stinging sensation behind my eyes told me that I was near tears yet I couldn’t keep my eyes off of them. It was a private conversation they were having and it just proved to me how much InuYasha really loved her. Plus it wasn’t like I had expected him to be with anyone else, but . . . I still had wished that he had been waiting for me.

“Kikyo,” InuYasha said in a peaceful tone and I felt a tear slip down my cheek. “when do you think we’ll be able to be like this again?”

Kikyo shrugged her shoulder. “Whenever you have enough time to get away.” she answered. “You know I’ll always be waiting.” InuYasha nuzzled her head making her look up at him. The look they shared, even from the distance I was from, was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. The way he looked at her. I couldn’t help but feel envious. It was a look that I wished he’d look at me with.

When I saw that he was slowly inching forward I knew it was time to leave. I turned around and sprinted as fast as I could. Hoping the wind against my face would wipe the image of him kissing her from my mind.

I continued to run, but being the clumsy person that I am, I couldn’t stay upright. I kept tripping over tree roots or anything else on the ground. The tears that streamed down my face blinded me so I had no idea where I was going. The wind was beginning to blow stronger, but I fought against it. Wanting to get as far away as I could. With every step I took the gust tried to push me back. It was getting cold again and with all the running I was doing I had failed to see that the sun had gone down. Wonderful. I was lost in the forest at night. Without protection and a broken heart.

In the next couple of minutes, it had turned bitterly cold and I gradually slowed to a walk. I considered giving in and just curling up on the ground. What was the point? I had been lost all day and it didn’t look like I was going to find my way out anytime soon.

“Kagome!”

My name echoed through the trees and at first I thought InuYasha had realized I was there and was running after me, but his voice seemed farther away than it should have.

Since I had been crying so hard, my eyelids were buried under my tears and it took an effort to open them. As soon as they were open, I gasped. I was on my knees again and freezing. The ice demon still stood in front of me with his hand on my cheek. Had it all been an illusion?

I had never noticed its eyes before. They were a dark blue compared to the rest of its pale being and they were emotionless. Just as cold as the rest of it.

“Kagome!”

That voice again. I knew that voice, but it didn’t belong to the person I wanted it to. I couldn’t turn my head to look at the person that was coming to my rescue. I was frozen and I was beginning to feel a bit sleepy.

What happened next happened in a split second. I was lucky I even saw what happened. One moment I was looking into the demon’s eyes then a brown furred foot was kicking it across the face. The action made the demon release me and I was able to snap out of my shocked state.

I quickly stood up and stumbled out of the way of the battle that was taking place. The demon looked up at Kouga as it felt its jaw where it was just struck then let its hand drop to its side. Kouga was already in action mode. His stance had the canine look that I had grown accustom to seeing with every battle I witnessed.

“Kagome, are you alright?” he asked without taking his eyes off the demon. I nodded, but then felt foolish since he wasn’t looking at me.

I didn’t know if I could get my voice to work. “I-I think so.” I managed to squeak out. How did he even get here? Not that I wasn’t grateful, but how did I not sense him?

It must have been the illusion that demon had me in. It had messed up my system.

Suddenly Kouga was being tackled to the ground by the thing. I barely noticed the thin blue sword it had against his throat. “Kouga!” I screamed knowing that it wouldn’t help his situation, but I just couldn’t keep it contained. Kouga struggled under the demon as he tried to position his feet under its stomach. When in position, he kicked it into the air before flipping backward out of the way. They were back into their beginning stances and I heard Kouga growl. I gasped when I saw him stagger a bit. He clutched his chest and it was then that I noticed it had been frozen over with ice. “Damn it! What the hell are you?”

The demon didn’t say anything or show any confirmation that he had heard Kouga at all. Instead he turned around and fled. I watched it run off into the distance in a daze. Was it seriously fleeing?

Kouga managed a strangled laugh before he fell down on his left knee. “The coward ran away, did he?” Not being able to stand the sight of Kouga hurt, I ran over to him and knelt by his side.

“Kouga, are you alright?” I could tell that the ice was making it hard for him to breathe and no matter how hard Kouga tried to break the ice it seemed to stay in place. “Oh Kouga.”

“Don’t worry about me, Kagome.” Kouga gasped and I felt guilt wash over me. I was the reason he got hurt. If I hadn’t been so stupid and just stayed in the village he wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

But maybe there was a way to save him. If I could get him to the village, Kaede would know what to do. “Kouga, do you think you can make it to the village? It’s just on the other side of the forest.” I had faith in Kouga. He was strong. I knew he would be able to make it there. He nodded in response and then stumbled into a standing position. I knew we had to get there fast for there was only so long a person could go without breathing properly. Even if that person was a demon.

I realized as I turned around that I didn’t even know which direction I should go. It was the reason why I was stuck in the forest in the first place. Kouga must have sensed my hesitation because he nudged me toward the left. “We should come across it if we keeping going straight.” he wheezed out.

I nodded in determination. I had to be strong for him. I held onto his arm as we walked in silence. I listened to his uneven breathing and began to worry even more about him. What if we didn’t make there in time? What if the ice suddenly cut off his breathing completely?

I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. Getting Kouga to Kaede’s was my greatest concern for the time being. I noticed that Kouga began to sag against me and it took all on my strength to support him. “Kouga, how are you holding up?” I asked more for my benefit than his.

“Fine.” he breathed and I could tell that he was getting worse. I picked up the pace and in less than five minutes I saw the light breaking through the forest’s edge. As soon as we got to the other side of the forest, Kouga collapsed and almost dragged me down with him.

His breathing was harsher and I could tell he was having more than a difficult time with it. I didn’t know what to do. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to be walking any farther. I looked toward the village and then back at him. There was only one solution. I had to find someone in the village to help me carry him. It was the only way I could get him across the village in time. I knelt down beside him and place a hand on his shoulder. “Kouga, I’ll be right back. I’m going to get help.” I told him. I didn’t know if he heard me or not because he was so focused on breathing, but I knew I needed to go right away.

I stood up and ran toward the village trying to caught sight of anyone who would be of any use. I was about to run up to a man carrying a pile of logs when I saw a flash and then ran right into a red wall. “Kagome!” the voice said as a pair of strong hands reached out to stable me. I looked up and saw InuYasha staring down at me with a wide-eyed expression.

At that moment it didn’t even occur to me that we hadn’t been on speaking terms for the last two weeks. The only thing on my mind was that Kouga was running out of air and fast. “InuYasha! Oh thank heavens! I need your help!” I was near tears and my voice sounded frantic even to my own ears so I wasn’t surprised when he tightened his grip on my shoulders.

“What is it Kagome? Are you hurt?” he asked and all I could do was shake my head.

“No, it’s Kouga.” I told him. “He’s the one that’s hurt. Please InuYasha, I need you to carry him to Kaede’s.”

The look on his face was one of disbelief and for a moment I thought he was going to refuse. The look in his eyes . . . I couldn’t place it. It was like he was trying to understand something that was too complicated for him. To my surprise, he heaved a sigh and said, “You go back to Kaede’s. I’ll be there in a minute.”

I stood there in shock as I watched him jump off in the direction I had just come. I shook my head to try to shake the disbelief out of my system. As I walked to Kaede’s, I began to think about his reaction to my request. Even though I had asked him to help Kouga when he had been injured before, he was different now. He seemed hurt somehow. I was so confused about what to think.

“Kagome?” I jerked my head in the direction of the sound. Sango was standing in front of Kaede’s door running a piece of cloth through her fingers nervously. “Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick.”

Had I really already walked that far? I let out a sigh, feeling worn out, and forced a smile for her. “I’m sorry I worried you. I’m fine though.” I looked over at the distant tree line trying to catch a glimpse of InuYasha and Kouga. When I didn’t, I added, “But Kouga’s hurt.”

Sango stared at me for a moment before asking, “What happened? And why were you with Kouga?” I stayed silent. Not knowing what she implied by her questions. She seemed wary as she continued, “Did you know that InuYasha returned? Just a while ago actually.”

“Yeah, he‘s the one who‘s bringing Kouga to Kaede.” I replied wondering why she looked so anxious. Though I had to admit, InuYasha helping Kouga never sounded plausible. “In fact, he should be back pretty--”

As if on cue, InuYasha skidded to a stop in front of me with Kouga on his back. Kouga looked very pale and I noticed that his lips were beginning to turn purple. “Where do you want him?” InuYasha’s gruff voice brought me out of my apprehensive gaze.

“Inside. I want Kaede to take a look at him.” I thought I saw InuYasha roll his eyes, but he quickly made his way into the hut. Which made me doubt that it even happened. Where was the attitude coming from? Was he really that upset about helping Kouga?

I pushed the door out of my way and saw that Kaede was already checking over him. I was already feeling relieved. I knew Kaede would take care of him.

InuYasha made his way past me with an indifferent expression on his face. I watched him walk out of the hut and felt the urge to follow. I looked back over at Kouga. Kaede was pouring hot water on his frozen chest. I figured I would let her do her job so I went outside to find InuYasha
It didn’t take much effort to find him. He was standing near a tree just a few yards from Kaede’s hut watching the sun go down.

I went over and stood beside him in silence. I didn’t know what to say to him. I still hadn’t come to terms with what had happened. Even though it had happened two weeks earlier the memories were still fresh.

“What are you doing out here?” His harsh voice startled me and he still held his gaze with the setting sun. “Shouldn’t you be inside with the fleabag?”

It seemed to me that he was trying to push me away, but he had another thing coming if he thought I was just going to let him. “Kaede’s got everything under control.” I was trying to sound innocent yet confident. “Besides, you looked like something was bothering you.”

I knew I probably shouldn’t have cared what was bothering him after what he had put me through, but . . . he was my best friend. I couldn’t just shrug him off. Even if he’d done it to me first.

“Feh,” he snorted, “you think something’s bothering me?” He finally moved his gaze to mine and I was taken aback by how hard his eyes were. “You don‘t know what you‘re talking about.”

I didn’t understand why he always got this way when Kouga was around. He really had to get over his jealousy toward Kouga. Couldn’t he see that it was completely one-sided? That I didn’t feel that way about Kouga? Why did he always have to be so stubborn? “Well, you’re out here by yourself. Usually when you’re upset you wander off.”

“I am not upset!” he snapped and I could tell that he was trying his hardest not to growl. I guess he sensed that he was acting just that so he backed off a bit and crossed his arms over his chest. “Besides, if you’re so sure something’s up with me and I wanted to be alone, then why are you even out here?”

I shrugged my shoulders for his benefit only. I knew why I was out here. The fact that I knew something was bothering him was only part of the reason. The real reason was because I just simply missed him. Even though he made me down right miserable I still missed him. “I thought you might need some company.”

He stared at me for a moment and I recognized the look on his face to be the same one he’d had when I had asked him to help Kouga. He almost seemed vulnerable.

Then the look was gone and his hard eyes were back. “Well I don’t need yours.” I took a step back unable to process the harshness in his voice. Sure, he’d been harsh with me before but he’d never flat out refused my company. Why was it was that everything he did recently seemed to hurt me?

“Alright.” I tried to sound neutral about the whole thing, but I couldn’t stop my voice from cracking during the last syllable.

He turned to look at the darkening sky again. “Just go back inside and be with the wolf. We both know that’s where you really want to be anyway.”

I couldn’t believe him. He was being a total prick all because Kouga was around. I was so sick and tired of him acting like this. “InuYasha, grow up.” Instead of sitting him for making a selfish remark I turned around and started walking back toward the hut. If he wanted to be a butt, fine.

Yet I couldn’t lie. A part of me hoped that he would stop me and apologize for being . . . well a butt, but as I walked into the hut all that hope was gone. He hadn’t stopped me and I felt foolish for even hoping.

I brought myself out of my thoughts in time to hear Kaede chant the last of an incantation. She had a small fire burning in the pit and Kouga seemed to be breathing fine again. I smiled at the thought of him being okay. I knew Kaede would take care of him. “So, he’s going to be okay?” I asked even though I knew the answer.

Kaede smiled at me. “Yes child.” she replied, “Once I melted the ice and saw that it was about to grow back I knew that the demon, that had attacked him, had placed a curse on him. I once heard about this predicament happening before and that it was treated with a mere counter-curse. It was nothing too difficult. He should be feeling better in no time.”

I couldn’t keep the grin off of my face. Kouga was going to be alright. “Thank you Kaede.” I said as I sat down next to the passed out wolf. I took his hand in mine hoping that it would comfort him even if just a little bit.

“I’ll just go and change his water.” I heard Kaede say as she grabbed the bucket on the other side of Kouga. I couldn’t help noticing that it was already full of clean water. Great. Now even Kaede thought I had feelings, other than friendship, for Kouga.

Not that it mattered. It wouldn’t make any difference if I did. InuYasha would still get jealous and Kaede would still leave the room. The only difference it would make in the over all equation would be that I wouldn’t be upset about InuYasha being in love with Kikyo. Which probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.

I looked at Kouga closely. I bet I could grow to love him. . . . But would it be fair to him? To be with a person that didn’t completely love you back? The more that I thought about it the more I sympathized with him. He and I were in the same boat. Why should I tell him to move on when I was having the same problem?

At that moment, Kouga squeezed my hand. His eyes quivered open and he tiredly smiled at me. “Hey.” I couldn’t help smiling back at him.

“How are you feeling Kouga?” He lazily blinked then shrugged.

“I feel alright. Thanks to you.” he said groggily.

I slightly shook my head at his assumption. “I didn’t do anything. You should thank Kaede when she comes back inside.” Whenever that would be. “She’s the one who saved you.”

Kouga slowly sat up, despite me scolding him not to, and put his other hand on top of mine. Making it so that my hand was sandwiched between the two of his. “She’s not the one who made sure I was here in the first place. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be in serious trouble.”

I blushed from all the praise he was giving me, but I knew I didn’t deserve it. “If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have had to attack the demon in the first place. I should have been prepared and I wasn’t.” I told him, not being able to look him in the eyes. “So, really I should be the one thanking you.”

He tilted his head to the side and looked at me questionably. “Speaking of which, just what were you doing out there by yourself?”

My blush intensified in embarrassment. What could I tell him that wouldn’t hurt his feelings? I didn’t want to hurt him. Kouga must have had a better understanding of what I was feeling than I gave him credit for because he called my name which made me glance up at him. He had a look of humorous sympathy. “You don’t have to be afraid to confine in me. We’re friends and I want to be there for you.” He paused for a moment. “Even if it’s about him.”

Unshed tears formed in the corner of my eyes as I nodded and told him everything that had happened in the last two weeks. When I was finished, a good twenty minutes later, I sat in silence waiting for Kouga to digest the information. “I know I shouldn’t have gone into the woods, but I . . . I just wanted to feel like I had control over something.”

He pulled me against him in a tight embrace where I could no longer keep the tears at bay. I cried against his shoulder as he stroked my hair. He whispered comforting words to me, but they had the opposite effect, making me sob harder. He leaned back and looked me in eyes. “Kagome, you know he’s not worth all this pain you’re putting yourself through right? I know you care about him, but . . .”

He trailed off waiting for my reaction. Probably prepared for me to lash out in anger, but I wasn’t angry at him. “I love him, Kouga.” He looked away at my confession. I hated hurting him, but he said I could confine in him. “I get what you’re saying. He doesn’t appreciate me and he treats me like crap, but I just can’t turn my feeling for him off. It doesn’t work like that.”

“It should work like that!” Kouga said firmly. He slightly shook his head and gave a humorless laugh. “He has the greatest opportunity and he’s too blind to see it. ”

I gave him a small smile. “He won’t see it and even if he does he won’t do anything about it. . . . He doesn’t love me.”

“I love you.“ he retorted as he gazed at me with a serious expression. When I continued to stare at him with a pained look, he sighed. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this on behalf of the muttface, but . . . I think he does love you. In his own special way.”

I knew it must have been hard for him to say that and it meant a lot to me. Even if he had only said it to make me feel better. I threw myself against him, hugging him as close to me as I could. I wanted him to be happy, not beating himself up over me. He began to run his fingers through my hair and goosebumps rose up on my arms. I knew it was time to pull away when I started to imagine someone else entirely doing it instead.

The rejection in his eyes was painful to see. “I could love you better than he ever could.” he whispered as he cupped my cheek. More tears pooled in my eyes.

His thumb started to lightly caress my cheek as I let out a deep breath. “But you deserve someone who loves you back and that someone isn’t me.”

He nodded and let his hand drop to his side. I wish I didn’t have to put him through all this, but he needed to hear it. He looked toward the door making me curious as well. Judging by the lack of light coming from behind the door I could tell that it was well past dusk. “You should go to bed. It’s getting pretty late.” Kouga murmured.

I looked over at him and nodded. All the events from the day had exhausted me, but I knew that he was just looking for an excuse so he could leave. “I won’t be here when you wake up.” he said, even though I had already figured that out. Yet I still felt sad. I didn’t want him to leave like this. I wanted him to know where I was coming from. That I wasn’t just flat out rejecting him. I still wanted to be friends if it was possible.

I voiced my worries to him and he just smiled warmly at me. “I’ll always be here for you. You should know that.” I felt relieved and selfish. How could I ask so much of him? Kouga must have sensed my inner conflict because he said, “I love you Kagome, even though you don’t return my feelings. If being friends with you is all you’ll give me then I’ll greedily take it. You shouldn’t feel bad about it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his bluntness. “You’re the best Kouga. Though I wish you wouldn’t leave so soon.”

Kouga didn’t say anything for a moment. “I-I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep if you want.”

“You don’t have to do that.” I told him even though a big part of me wanted him to. I didn’t want to be by myself. I wanted someone who knew what I was going through by my side tonight. I wanted my friend with me.

Kouga just chuckle and leaned against the wall. “Just go to sleep already.” I mumble a thanks to him as I fell asleep with, for the first time in weeks, a smile on my face.

I awoke to the sound of someone snoring slightly and I was too disoriented to tell where it was coming from. I looked across the room and saw Kaede sleeping in the far corner, but she didn’t appear to be snoring. I then shifted my gaze to the other corner and the sight I saw made me giddy.

Sango had fallen asleep in Miroku’s arms. Her head was laid gently on top of his chest. His left arm acted as a pillow for Sango’s shoulders and his other arm was draped across her stomach.

I was overcome with joy. They deserved to be happy. They had suffered too much not to deserve it.

There was a spike in the light snoring I had heard when I had woken up and it was then that I realized that it was coming from the other side of me. I glanced over and had to do a double take.

InuYasha sat sleeping against the wall with his right arm resting on the hilt of his sword. He was closer than the others. Much too close seeing as we had an argument last night. I didn’t know what to think of it. Where was the ‘I don’t need your company’ attitude?

I inwardly sighed as I managed to stand up. I tried to be as silent as I could. Avoiding all the noisy boards on the floor of the hut. I didn’t want to wake the others. Especially a certain hanyou.

Fortunately my attempt was not in vain. I made it out of the hut without any complications. The morning sun felt nice as I stretched into it. It must have been barely past dawn because the air was still a little chilly from the night’s darkness. I decided that the best way to enjoy the morning would be to sit and gaze at the already rising sun.

It was a luxury I knew I deserved, but inside I believed I didn’t. Kouga was somewhere hurting and it was all my fault. How could I enjoy anything with that hanging over my shoulders?

I let out a sigh hoping it would relieve some of the tension I was holding in, but it only seemed to accomplish the release of air. Why was something always in the way of me being happy? Why couldn’t I just be free of emotion? Like that ice demon.

Okay, well maybe not completely like that demon, but to the point where I couldn’t feel heartache. That’d be nice.

I had made my way over to a grassy knoll and plopped down. I stretched my arms over my head and let out a sigh of contentment when I felt my joints pop. I brought my arms back down and laid them on my arched knees.

“Kagome!” I small smile grazed my lips as I recognized the voice that called my name. I had heard his short intakes of breath as he raced toward me many times. It didn’t even startle me when he jumped up onto my shoulders. “You’re up early.”

I giggled at his comment. “So are you. Please tell me you did come home last night.” He had better of come home. Though I didn’t think I was in the mood to punish him.

“Of course I did, but you were already asleep by the time I got in.” he explained. “Oh you should have seen it yesterday! We caught a newt! I’m in charge of taking care of it. That’s why I was late yesterday. I hope it didn’t bother you that I wasn’t here to greet you.”

It took my full attention to keep up with what Shippo had said. He was talking a mile a minute. “Of course it didn’t bother me. I’m just glad you were out having fun.”

He jumped down into my lap and wrapped his arms around my middle. His words were muffle by my stomach but that didn’t stop me from hearing. “Please don’t leave for that long of a time anymore.”

Of course my time apart from him would affect him. He was just a little boy and I was the closest thing to a mother he had. How could I have acted so selfishly? I petted his hair soothingly and tried to keep the tormented expression off my face. It wouldn’t do him any good for him see how much his words had affected me. “Don’t worry Shippo, I don’t think I’ll be gone that long again.” I wanted to give him my word but how could I promise him something that not even I was sure of?

He looked up at my face and I forced a smile for him. “Good.” He jumped off my lap. “Do you mind if I go back down to the river? I want to make sure the newt is still in the home I found him.”

It only took that one statement to change my fake smile into a real one. “Go do what you have to.”

I waved after him as he raced off toward the riverbank. He had so much energy it was amazing how we all could keep up with him. I rolled my eyes at the thought and was just about to go back to watching the sunrise when I was yet again interrupted.

“Did you mean what you said to the kid?”

My contentment quickly turned to stiffness. How long had InuYasha been watching? I tried to backtrack through my head to see what he meant. What had I said to Shippo that had him curious? I silently took a deep breath than looked over at him with cautious eyes. “What do you mean?”

He moved his gaze to the distance for a moment before looking back at me. “You said you wouldn’t leave for such a long time again. I want to know if you meant it.”

Did I mean it? Was I certain that I wouldn’t run off the next time my heart got broken? The next time he would leave me for Kikyo? . . . I wasn’t sure. How could I promise something like that? I was young and naïve. Wasn’t it expected of me to run off every time something got too out of hand? “I don’t know. I don’t know if I meant it or not. I want to mean it, but . . . I can’t predict the future.” Instead of adding a comment, he scuffed his foot on the grass. Why did he want to know so bad anyhow? “Would if even matter if I left for that long again? If I never even came back? Shippo’s a strong boy. He’d pull through it.”

This question seemed to stir something in him because he strode over to me and glared at me with intense determination. “You can’t leave. Our mission’s not over yet.”

As I looked back up at him I almost gave away the shock and hurt that was caused by his words. “Is that all I’m good for? Just a tool at your expense?” Why had I ever thought that I meant more to him than that? I was such a fool. When he didn’t deny my accusing remarks and continued to stare at me, my patience snapped. “Well if that’s the case, then why don’t you just get Kikyo to help you instead? I’m sure it’d be more preferable for the both of you.”

As soon as the words left my mouth I wished I could of sucked them back in. The look of astonishment on his face had me feeling guilty. “Where’s all this coming from? All I asked was if you were leaving again.”

I glowered up at him. He didn’t understand anything. “I guess I should be asking you the same question. Are you planning on leaving again?”

“Leaving? Why would I leave?”

I shook my head, not knowing any other nonviolent way to get rid of my anger. I stood up so he would be able to see the full potential of my glare. We were now toe to toe. “They told me how you never returned after you took me home.” I sighed as I closed my eyes, sensing I was getting too worked up. I opened my eyes to take in his face. His expression was wary. “You were with her, weren’t you?”

I held his gaze and was slightly taken aback, though I didn’t dare show him, when he didn’t look away ashamedly. I watched as his gaze slowly changed from wary to penetrating and, after a couple of moments staring into them, it was I who had to look away. It was then that he chose to speak. “You assume too much, Kagome.”

My head shot up and I couldn’t help but gawk at him. What was that supposed to mean? That I was wrong? That he hadn’t been with Kikyo? Or that maybe I was right and that I needed to mind my own business? “I don‘t understand.”

He looked away and faintly shook his head. “I mean you jump to too many conclusions.” He let out a sigh. “Many of which are wrong.”

I felt my pulse speed up and I had trouble calming it down. “Are you saying you didn’t go and see Kikyo?”

As his silence stretched on, I began to scold myself for thinking that he might not have been with her. Of course he had said that just so I’d get off his back. It’s none of my business anyway. Even if it did still hurt me. “. . . I went a lot of places . . .” My pulse speed up again yet it was fiercer than before. “. . . At first I went to visit my mother’s grave. It’s a place where I can easily clear my head. . . . But mostly I traveled. No where too far. I wanted to be able to catch your scent when you came back.”

Though I knew I should have felt ashamed of it, relief washed over me. He had not been off with Kikyo. When everything hushed around us, I took in our proximity. I felt my cheeks and the back of my neck turn red. I hadn’t been this close to him in awhile. I swallowed the lump in my throat and breathed out, “Why?”

Although the blush on his face wasn’t as noticeable as mine, it still dusted across the bridge of his nose. I weakly smiled at his uncertainty.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t want to deal with the others.” he replied, “If Miroku was that upset with me then I didn’t even want to know how mad Sango would be.”

I attempted to keep the smile on my face, but I couldn’t seem to get my lips to respond. He had only stayed away because he didn’t want to get yelled at. Why I had expected any thing more was beyond me. “Plus, I wanted to give you the space you needed. You were really upset.” he continued and my eyes widened at his confession. “Kagome . . . I never meant to abandon you that night.”

I knew this was the conversation I had been dreading, but now, with it finally presented itself, I couldn’t understand why I had put it off so long. I should have let him explain himself, but instead I ran off, to scared to hear his answer. “I know.” I whispered. He never means to.

He gripped my shoulders and a small gasp escaped from my throat. “No you don’t know!” It was on the verge of being a shout. He took a deep breath and then continued more softly, “I never would have left your side if I hadn’t thought it was necessary.”

I already knew this. It was always necessary when it came to Kikyo. I lowered my eyes, wishing this were over with, and nodded.

His grip tightened on my shoulders, but I kept my eyes on his chest. I heard him sigh as he realized I was not going to look at him. “Kaede didn’t know how to help you.” His voice was so low that I really had to concentrate on what he was saying if I wanted to hear. “She said that your strength would come back naturally if you stayed bedridden for a couple of months. . . . But that wasn’t good enough. I wanted you better right then.

“So I asked Kaede if there was anyone who would know how to heal you. . . . She recalled Kikyo helping a priest who had the same symptoms you had, but she didn’t remember how to make the medicine.” My eyes widened as realization started to sink in. “. . . Kagome if I had any idea that you were going to wake up I never would have sought Kikyo out. I should have waited to tell you about it, but . . . I just couldn’t stand around and do nothing.”

I met his gaze with my mouth slightly open. He was right. I did jump to too many conclusions. I slowly closed my month, feeling foolish for many reasons. His grip on my arms lessened. “I’m sorry, InuYasha.” I told him, my voice just as quiet as his was, but I had no doubt he could hear it. “I should have let you explain. Because I didn’t your job went in vain.”

His eyebrows came together in a look of confusion. “Didn’t your mother give you the medicine?”

It was my turn to look confused. “What medicine?” After I asked, I recalled my mother handing me the steaming cup.

He smirked when he saw comprehension spread across my face. “After I left you in your room, I went back into the kitchen. I explained to your mother what had happened as I made the remedy. I told her to give it to you and you’d soon be back to your healthy self. Or so I hoped.”

Once again my mouth was left wide open. Why had I never thought of that? It was so obvious. The medicine was something I had never tasted before. Something that should of registered in my mind. I was so foolish!

The smirk on his face had me smiling back. It had all a big misunderstanding and it was all caused because of my rash assumptions. “Wow, I feel really dumb.” Was all I could say as I shook my head lightly.

His hand went down my arm and took my hand. “That’s alright. I forgive you.” The smile on his face told me he was only kidding. I squeezed his hand gently and laid my head on his chest. The hand that had been on my shoulder came up to rest on my head. His fingers lazily worked their way through my hair. My free hand joined me on his chest, barely clinging to his shirt.

“Guess I should thank the mangy wolf the next time I see him.” he whispered.

I looked back up at him with a thoughtful expression. “When did you talk to Kouga?” He pushed a stray hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek.

“He came to see me last night after you fell asleep. Well, it was more of an ambush then a friendly greeting.” He rolled his eyes at the memory. “He told me how upset you were and if I didn’t act fast I was going to lose you.”

A small giggle escaped as I put two and two together. That’s why he had been sleeping next to me. I stared fondly at him as nuzzled against his hand. “You could never lose me.”

“Course not. Who would want to get away from me?” he replied arrogantly.

I rolled my eyes at the size of his ego. But it was because of that ego that I loved him so much.

The space between us was slowly closing and I knew what he planned to do. I had never experienced being kissed. Sure I had kissed him before, but it had never been the other way around. The sensation of his lips touching mine was bliss. The heat that spread through me was like a wildfire. Extending from my face to my toes. I felt his teeth tug on my lower lip causing me to gasp. He didn’t waste time as he entered my mouth, rubbing his tongue against mine. I timidly pushed my tongue into his mouth as well. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine as I outlined his fangs.

Sensing that I was running out of air, he pulled back causing a groan of disappointment from me. He laughed at my unwillingness as he leaned his forehead against mine. He stared into my eyes until I had my breathing under control.

His eyes had become serious. I watched as they outlined my face, maybe even trying to memorize it. His hand, that had never left the side of my face, began to caress it. “I want you to know that I do love you.”

Tears stung the back of my eyes. How long had I waited to hear those words? “I love you too.” I said a little breathlessly.

He smiled as playfulness took hold of his features again. “I know. I’m sorry I made you wait so long.” I could have stayed like this for the rest of my life and been content with it. This moment was that perfect. I watched as he sniffed the air. “Smells like breakfast is ready. I don’t know about you but I’m starving.”

Way to kill the moment. I rolled my eyes as he started to pull me back toward the hut. I clung to his hand hoping that he wouldn’t let go. He looked over at me, thinking for a bit. “There is something I wanted to tell you before we eat though.” I looked at him expectantly. What more could he tell me to make this day more surreal? He gave me a look that I guess he thought was threatening. “You are never to go into the woods without protection again. Do you hear me?”

I laughed, feeling too elated to be mad at his overprotective personality. “Whatever you say InuYasha. Whatever you say.”

He looked as if he wasn’t happy with my answer, but he didn’t have time to start an argument with me because I pulled us into the hut to enjoy the rest of the perfect day.

Fin