InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Heartless ❯ Look Inside ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or the other characters from the anime/manga. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I suppose life would be easier if I made money by writing these stories, but unfortunately, I do not.

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Special thanks to my wonderful betas Ai Kisugi and Hedanicree for picking this story to pieces and making it a much more bearable read!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

`Thinking'

“Talking”

Dream or memories

 

 

 

Chapter 9: Look Inside

 

 

 

As the sky became a pinkish hue with the first rays of the sun, Kagome looked over to the crowded group of demons gathered in the grounds that looked to the front gates of the castle. From where she stood on the steps leading to the entrance of the main building, she could see him in the distance, talking to Lord Sesshoumaru. She sighed, folding her arms in front of her chest to find some sort of warmth against the chilly morning air. This was the first time she saw him since he had left her in the room without a word. `It was only yesterday evening, wasn't it? Not even a day passed. Then why does it feel like it has been longer?'

 

She still felt chagrined because of what happened after their love-making. As if it wasn't enough that he had offended her by what he had said and by leaving her like he had, he had not come back all night. `Not even an apology.' However, now that he was leaving for battle, she felt the need to say goodbye, to feel him close for one last time before he was gone. After all, no amount of anger was enough to blind her to the fact that he might not be coming back in the end.

 

Although Kagome thought about it, she did not have the courage to go to him. Besides, she still had enough dignity left from her broken pride to keep her rooted in her spot. `I'll be nice to him if he comes to me, but I won't go to him.' That did not seem to be likely, though. He still looked as pissed as he did when he left the room.

 

She saw him leave his brother's side to stand next to the now opened castle gates. At his signal, the group started to march out of the castle grounds. He didn't even look in her direction as he waited for his troops to leave the castle. Once the final demon was out of the gates, he turned to leave as well. Her breath hitched in her throat when she saw him hesitate. `Will he?' The small hope that sprouted in her chest did not live long though, for he shook his head and left without a single look at her.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Sango opened her eyes to the first rays of the sun falling on her eyes through the open window. She stretched, feeling every inch of her muscles complain at the strain her act caused. Well, that was to be expected. She had been traveling for the last few days. First, she went to the village as her husband asked her to do, and then the journey back to the castle … All those efforts came out to be for nothing in the end. At least she had a chance to see her children. She was relieved when she found that they were all doing well, safe in the protected village. Now, all she needed was a long, hot bath. She hadn't had one since she arrived at the castle late last night.

 

Sitting up, she looked to her side to see the other half of the bed untouched. `He's not back yet.' They both left the castle almost at the same time. As she headed for their village, he was supposed to check on the villages that surrounded the castle to strengthen their barriers. Sighing, Sango got up to change her clothes so that she could leave the room in favor of the common bathroom that was located on the back of the building. Just as she fastened her hair in a high ponytail, the door slid open to reveal an exhausted looking monk.

 

“Miroku! You're back!”

 

“Yes, my love.” Walking toward her with long strides, he hugged his wife with as much strength as he had left after his long journey.

 

When she raised her head to smile at the handsome face she had missed too much for her own good, Miroku captured her lips in a heated kiss. As she was left breathless in his embrace and so warm with passion, he couldn't stop himself. His hand trailed down to the one place that never ceased to fascinate him even after years of marriage.

 

“Stop it, you hentai!” she cried out.

 

He chuckled as she playfully pushed him away. Deciding that he had his fun for the moment, he sat on the futon, his back supported by the wall behind him. “So, what happened in the village?”

 

“Nothing out of ordinary.” She shrugged her shoulders as she proceeded to change her clothes, not minding the lust-filled look he was giving her. “She performed the usual ritual for the barrier, and then, she spent some time praying in front of the sacred tree.”

 

“Hmm.” Placing his elbow on his raised knee, the tired monk started scratching his unshaven chin, his eyes close in deep concentration.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Kagome took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to empty her mind as she did her lungs. It had been three days since Inuyasha had left, and for three days, she had been training under Lady Nobuko's supervision. `You must know yourself before you know your powers,' she had said. Then, the priestess had told her that meditation was necessary to reach inside and take out what she found there. `You must empty your mind and look inside. The key to unlock your potential is to be at peace with yourself.' If only that was as easy as it was said.

 

At first, she had been so angry at him and at herself that whenever she tried to meditate, she found herself thinking about what had happened and which harsh words she would say to him to convey her feelings when he came back — if he came back. That was another thought that struck her too often for her comfort. `What if something happens to him and he never comes back?' She shook her head, willing the unwelcome thoughts out of her mind. `Anger, focus on your anger. That one's easier to deal with.'

 

Unfortunately, her anger was no longer enough to keep her thoughts occupied. She had much time to think over the last three days, and as time passed, she found her anger subsiding, to be replaced by reason. As she cooled down, she started questioning her right to blame him after everything she had witnessed and had been told since she came to this world.

 

After the last time he talked to her, the time when he treated her as if she was this Kikyo woman, Kagome started thinking about what Lady Keiko told her about Inuyasha's intentions. She had warned her that he would want to bring his lover back, endangering her life in the process. When she thought about it, she couldn't help but wonder: If he wanted to use her to bring his lover back, wouldn't he have done it already? How could she know that Keiko had been telling the truth? None of the other things she had said proved to be true so far. He didn't seem to be cruel and merciless, neither had she seen even one priestess that was being treated like a whore in this place.

 

Maybe Keiko had only been trying to keep her from going to him. But, why would she do that? Perhaps she knew Inuyasha would want her and she wanted to keep her there so that they would have a chance to capture him? When she thought about it, it sounded quite plausible. After all, despite accusing Inuyasha of being merciless, humans were the ones that treated her like a hostage, weren't they? On the other hand, the big bad general Inuyasha was not keeping her by force as the humans had, was he? But then again, she never wanted to leave when she was with him.

 

“Try to clear your head, child. I can see from the strain on your face that you have a lot on your mind.”

 

Upon hearing Lady Nobuko's warning, Kagome opened her eyes to see the old woman still sitting across from her with her legs crossed comfortable, her hands lying on her knees and her face relaxed in deep meditation. The priestess surely could come in and out of meditation quickly. How did she manage to do that? `Must have to do with years of experience.'

 

Kagome closed her eyes again and took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, then another… and another.

 

What was it about his constantly changing attitude toward her? One minute he was playful and affectionate, and in the next, he would become cold and distant. The more she thought about it, the more she came to realize that these changes happened whenever she mentioned her. It could be only that he got offended and sad whenever someone talked about her. If he loved her as much as they said he did, it was normal that the wound in his heart was still bleeding.

 

And then, there was the similarity between herself and his mate. Perhaps he wanted her because she looked like the one he had lost, but that didn't necessarily mean he didn't like her as Kagome, did it? `But, he called to her after he slept with me.' Could that be a temporary lapse of judgment? After all, that woman had been his mate, and if what people had been saying was true, he hadn't had another woman since he lost her. Could it be that he was only reminded of her because of the act? And maybe he got offended because she so rudely pointed out his momentary mistake? Maybe, he was only angry with her because she insisted on thinking that he was mistaking her for another woman.

 

“Perhaps it will be better if we stop for today.”

 

Kagome could hear the irritation in the priestess' voice as she spoke. She opened her eyes to see that, as she expected, the old woman was giving her a hard stare.

 

“I'm sorry. I just can't clean my mind today.”

 

“I know. Why don't you think through whatever is bugging you for the remainder of the day? However, tomorrow, I expect you to at least keep your head clear.”

 

“Okay.” Smiling to the woman, Kagome stood up slowly, the muscles in her legs complaining about being held in the same position for hours. Turning back, she headed out of the small shrine and toward her room, followed by a yawning Kirara on her heels.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“Did you hear the news, Miroku?”

 

His staff jingled as he passed it from his right hand to his left, and the monk nodded his head in response. “Yes. The party that set out from here to the east was ambushed. If I'm not wrong, the group consisted of a battalion of soldiers escorting all the demons that were captured in the last few weeks. I hear that all of them escaped.”

 

“That's correct, indeed. Unfortunately, that is not what worries me, Miroku.”

 

Surprised, he sent the priestess a questioning look as she sighed tiredly, her veil slightly ruffling in the soft breeze her breath caused.

 

“From what I hear, I understand that Inuyasha was leading the attackers.”

 

He did not understand what was so troubling about that. After all, Inuyasha was the one that led more than half of the attacks since the beginning of this war. “And?”

 

“And, he still had his necklace on.”

 

“Oh.” Now that made sense. She was hoping that he wouldn't have it, wasn't she?

 

“The girl did not do as I expected,” continued Keiko. “I hoped that she would heed my words and do us all a favor by removing those accursed beads from his neck. Do you know what this means for us?”

 

“That we will have to continue to fight as we have been doing until now?”

 

She chuckled at his sarcastic reply, before her voice turned serious again. “No. We need to get the girl out of there.”

 

His eyes widened as he heard that. “What?” Was she finally losing it?

 

“You heard me. She will be the key to his fall as long as we have her with us.”

 

“And how do you expect we do that? Do you think that he would keep her somewhere that we can reach?”

 

“I'm perfectly aware of that. I'm sure he's keeping her in the western castle.”

 

He couldn't believe his ears. If she knew that, then she really was suggesting that they get into that castle, which was the equivalent of suicide. “That's what I'm talking about. We can't just go there and get the girl out from under his nose.”

 

“We need to try!”

 

As her voice increased in volume with the rise in her anger, he couldn't keep his own voice down any longer. “I don't get it! You're behaving as if capturing him is our sole purpose! Besides, I don't believe that we have a right to use the girl as bait.”

 

Quickly composing herself, Keiko looked away from him. “Do I need to remind you that he was the one that captured our priestesses, effectively stopping us from subduing demons, as well as freeing those that we captured? Never forget that if he was not around, this war would have been over years ago.”

 

Unfortunately, he did not have anything to say in reply to that. So, he opted to stand there, his stance rigid and his eyes reflecting his anger.

 

“If you don't have any other objections, we will be heading west to look for a chance to get the girl back.” Seeing the expression on his face, she sighed before continuing in a soft voice, “Miroku, he was your friend. Wouldn't you feel better if you did not have to fight against him?”

 

“I never fought against him, and you know that.”

 

“It doesn't mean that you won't have to. Don't you want this war to be over? To see these lands safe for the future of your children? We have to do this.”

 

Knowing that she had a point and having nothing to say that would change her mind, he decided to go with her, thinking that he could at least make sure of the girl's safety.

 

 

~*~

 

 

`Empty your mind.'

 

It had become her mantra for the last week since they had started her training. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tried, she hadn't been able to stop the thoughts of him from invading her mind. It was irritating her to no end that she couldn't stop thinking about what he did, what he felt and what she meant to him. Over the last week, she confessed to herself that she wanted him to see her for her, and furthermore, to realize that she might be as good as or even better than her. That was why she desperately wanted to tap into her powers before he came back, but it did not seem likely that she would manage to do so.

 

`Know yourself.'

 

That was it! How could she solve his feelings toward her, when she did not know her own in the first place? She had to understand her emotions first. Besides, no matter how much she thought about it, she wouldn't be able to know his feelings unless he chose to let them be known.

 

Resolved, Kagome decided to puzzle out how she felt about him. Now, how was she going to do that?

 

`Look inside.'

 

Breathing deeply, she turned her thoughts toward herself, her head clear of all stray thoughts for the first time in what seemed to be a very long week. Her sole purpose was to get in touch with her emotions.

 

She sighed as warmth spread through her body from her heart. She embraced it, letting it take over her whole being. As she surrendered to that strong sensation, she could feel it grow into something wonderful. No, not just feel, she could almost see it behind her closed eyelids. `So warm, so bright … so … so … powerful.'

 

As the feeling intensified, Kagome could visualize it in the form of small balls of light in almost every color dancing in her mind. They twirled and twirled, in each turn getting closer to each other. And then, they fused to become a blinding orb of light, just like the sun. No, not one, there were two of them. She gasped as the twin orbs of sun she knew so well materialized in her mind, the warmth radiating from the affections swirling in them seeping into every inch of her being.

 

`Oh, God, I…'

 

She opened her eyes, as she had finally found what she had been looking for. Her eyes looked through the old priestess' meditating form, fixed at something unseen to anyone but herself. She took in a broken breath, only to let it go, accompanied by a whisper falling out of her lips …

 

“I love him.”

 

 

End of Chapter 9