InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Heartless ❯ The Lingering Sorrow of a Lonely Heart ( Chapter 12 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or the other characters from the anime/manga. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I suppose life would be easier if I made money by writing these stories, but unfortunately, I do not.

 

 

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Special thanks to my wonderful betas Ai Kisugi and Hedanicree for picking this story to pieces and making it a much more bearable read!

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Author's Note: If you want to know how Inuyasha mated his `long lost love,' then I suggest you to read `When She Comes Back.' This one shot story is a prelude to Heartless, and contains spoilers to the ending of the manga. If you haven't read it already, this author strongly recommends you to do so before you read this chapter. Be warned, though. Story contains lemon. You can reach the story using one of the following links (leave out the spaces):

 

http :// www . mediaminer . org / fanfic / view_ch.php / 159569 / 559476#fic_c

http :// www . fanfiction . net / s / 4806439 / 1 / When_She_Comes_Back

 

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~SPOILER ALERT~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter contains spoilers to the ending of the manga.

 

 

`Thinking'

“Talking”

Dream or memories

 

 

 

Chapter 12: The Lingering Sorrow of a Lonely Heart

 

 

 

Miroku urged the horse to go faster as he leaned forward to keep at least some of the wind from mercilessly whipping at him. As the seconds passed, he could hear the rhythm of the jingling of his staff on his back mixed with the sounds of hoofs meeting the ground speed up with each step the animal took. It wasn't enough, though. He had to go faster. He had to reach the group before something happened in his absence — something he wouldn't like.

 

Ten days after Keiko had decided to retrieve Kagome, they had set out at sunrise with a small group of soldiers and priestesses, including Keiko. He didn't know what she was planning on doing, but she had seemed determined to get Kagome away from Inuyasha. He and Sango had volunteered to join the group for they had been worried for their friends' safety. Well, Sango had been more concerned for Kagome, but he expected that to change after he talked to her.

 

Seeing that the route they had taken to the Western Lands had brought them close to their village, he had left the group to catch up with them later, saying that he was going to see his children. That had been a lie. Surely, he would love to see his children, for it had been weeks since he had last seen them, but he had more urgent matters in his mind now. What Sango had told him about Keiko's visit to the village had aroused his suspicions. If it had been any other time, he wouldn't have thought about it twice, but after Kagome's return ...

 

Miroku had gone to the village to see if what he had suspected was true. He shook his head, remembering what he had found, or rather had felt, after hours of meditation in front of the Goshinboku. Gods, how blind he had been!

 

He had been wrong about Keiko and about Inuyasha. He should have seen it before. He had known something was off after Kagome had returned through the well. The way she hadn't recognized him was unsettling. He knew it couldn't be accidental. Something had happened to her, and now he knew what it was.

 

Despite being a perfect judge of character, he hadn't seen it before. Miroku hadn't seen the madness in Keiko. Instead, he had blamed his friend for losing his mind. But, could he really blame himself for this misjudgment? Everything he had witnessed had been against Inuyasha. He could still remember how his relationship with Kagome had been going downhill. Before she had left, Kagome had been depressed for some reason, and she hadn't talked to anyone about her problems. Not even Sango had managed to learn what had been wrong with their friend. They had guessed that it had had something to do with Inuyasha. It was also possible that she had missed her family after being separated from them for years. Whatever the reason had been, the couple had had some serious arguments.

 

In the end, Miroku hadn't been too surprised when Kagome had left. He had supposed she would have returned, though, just like she had done many times before. But this time, she hadn't, not until recently. When she had left, Inuyasha had been very angry, and for good reasons too. He had become more irritable than he had ever been and hadn't let anyone approach him for years. And then, it had happened.

 

One day, he and Sango had found him by the well, hovering above a bloody figure — a figure they had soon recognized to be Keiko. That horrifying picture had been carved into his mind never to be erased again. Inuyasha's claws had been bathed in blood — Keiko's blood — as she had lain there unconscious, her face nothing but a piece of bloody meat. The worst thing had been that Inuyasha had not transformed. He had been aware of what he had done to her and he hadn't regretted it in the least. It hadn't mattered how Inuyasha had justified himself, for they had known Keiko. They had also known that Inuyasha hadn't been himself. That day, Miroku had lost one of his most precious friends to madness.

 

Gods, how wrong he had been! Only now he could see that his friend had been right from the beginning. True, the half-demon had done a terrible thing. However, Miroku the monk had a family as well — a family he protected fiercely. It wasn't difficult for him to sympathize with the unfortunate half-demon, and honestly, that didn't make him feel any better. At least he knew what he could do to atone for his crimes against his friend.

 

With renewed vigor, Miroku kicked the mare once more. He was so close to where the group had planned to camp. With a little luck, he would catch up with them in an hour. He had to talk to Sango.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“Dammit!” Inuyasha punched the nearest wall, causing his fist to go through the wooden material. Why was it that everything had to be so difficult when it came to him? Why did something bad always happen whenever he thought his life was going to be perfect?

 

First Kikyo. He had thought that he had found a companion to share his loneliness with and believed that he would be happy with her. He would have done anything for that happiness, even sacrifice his demon half. He had loved her, after all. Then, everything had turned upside down thanks to that bastard Naraku and his treachery. He had lost the first woman he had ever loved as well as fifty years of his life.

 

Then, he had opened his eyes to Kagome's lovely face. He had hunted for the damn jewel shards and Naraku for a whole year. During that time, regardless of what he had wanted, he couldn't promise Kagome anything, except his protection. He snorted, remembering the times he had failed to do even that. He knew that he had caused her great pain, but he had been bound by his honor and sense of responsibility. Not to mention that he hadn't been over Kikyo at the time. Then, he had lost Kikyo again.

 

Just when everything had been over and he had been ready to give Kagome everything she had wanted from him, the well had taken her away. He had waited for three whole years, wishing and hoping against hope to see her beautiful face smile at him, to hear her angry voice shout at him, `Osuwari,' and to feel her sweet scent fill his nostrils. He had been so lonely without her. True, he had been alone all his life until he had met Kikyo, but this time, it had been different. He hadn't realized how much he had gotten used to Kagome's presence by his side. Almost like being addicted …

 

Then, one day, she had returned to him. Just like she had done every time she had left through the well, Kagome had come back. Only, it had taken much longer than he had been used to. And this time, she had come back to spend the rest of her life with him. He had been so excited; he couldn't wait to show her the house he had built for her during his wait. No, he couldn't. He had mated her on the forest ground on their way to their new home. That day, almost twelve years ago, in the forest called with his name, Kagome had become his.

 

It had been the beginning of the happiest years of his life. Surely, he had done some stupid things that had infuriated her at times, but they had always led to incredible make up sex. And after his twin pups had been born, he had thought he couldn't get anymore luckier. `Keh!' If only he had known how wrong that had been.

 

Keiko had entered their lives when Kagome had been pregnant with the pups. Kaede had been too old to perform her duties alone, and he wouldn't let his mate work in her vulnerable state. Hey, he was part dog demon. What would you expect? They had called for help from other villages, and Keiko had been sent to help Kaede out. She had been a young priestess with a kind heart. Everybody had come to like her in a short time, even him. Well, he had liked her mostly because she had helped Kagome a lot, which had given her more time to spend with him, but who cared? As long as his mate had been with him, he had been happy.

 

As usual, that had not lasted long. After the pups had turned two years old, Kagome had begun to act strange. She would lash out at him for no apparent reason and would refuse to tell him anything when he had tried to confront her about it. It had irritated him to no end, and soon, they had started having serious fights that had not ended with make up sex. Every time they had fought, he would leave to cool himself down, only to find the house empty upon his return. She would spend those nights mostly at Keiko's hut because Sango and Miroku's place had already been crowded.

 

To be honest, it hadn't been only Kagome who had been irritable. At the time, he had been suffering from nightmares — nightmares that had made him writhe in guilt, nightmares that had felt so unnatural. He couldn't remember which one started first: his nightmares or her strange attitude. He had been too involved in his guilt to notice. After every nightmare, he had traveled to the one place he had found solace and begged for forgiveness.

 

It had been after his return from one of those trips that he hadn't been able to find Kagome anywhere. He had searched the village only to find out that her scent had ended at the well. She had gone back to her time, leaving him alone once again. Worse, she had taken the pups with her because they were nowhere to be found, and the damn well hadn't let him through.

 

At first he had thought that she had missed her family and that her irritable attitude had been because of it. He had hoped that she would come back once she had started feeling better, just like the previous times. So, he had waited and waited.

 

As time had passed, other thoughts had surfaced in his mind, but he had adamantly pushed them back. No, she wouldn't. His Kagome wouldn't leave him for good, especially not with the pups. Having grown up without a father herself, she wouldn't let his pups grow up without their father, no matter what happened.

 

He turned, and leaning his back against the wall, he slid down to sit on the ground. He raked his bangs with one hand as he let the other rest on his raised knee. Did it really matter what had happened? In the end, she had left him, and he had waited for her, again. He had waited for another three years. During that time, he had become bitter. He had cursed his faith. He had rebelled against the gods, who had cursed him with his faith. It was only her he couldn't bring himself to curse.

 

Miroku and Sango had tried to talk to him, to reason with him, to convince him to leave the well. But, he had been in no mood to listen to anybody. Shippo had been furious with him at first, but even the runt had pitied him in the end and had left him alone.

 

Only Keiko had insisted on visiting him everyday. She had brought him food, which he had refused adamantly. She had tried to talk him into moving on with his life, which he had never listened to. If only he had seen it before … He banged his head against the stone wall behind him in exasperation. `If only.' He wasn't a stupid guy, mind you. He couldn't have lived to his age if he was. However, he had been too involved in his grief to notice it until Keiko had made a mistake.

 

It had been by the end of the third year he had spent by the well. He had been losing his hope and falling into despair. She had come to him as usual with a bowl of soup in her hands. He hadn't even acknowledged her presence as she had begged him to come back to his senses and stop his fruitless wait. Then, something unexpected had happened. Keiko, the kind-hearted priestess who had never been rude to a single soul during her stay in their village, had snapped at him.

 

“Are you stupid?!”

 

Hearing her cry, Inuyasha looked at her standing form from where he sat by the well, his back leaning against the wooden structure. His eyes widened a fraction seeing the rage on her face. This was nothing like the Keiko he knew. What was wrong with her? When his surprised expression turned to one of confusion, she continued, “Your waiting is futile. She won't come back.”

 

He snorted at the seriousness in her voice. These stupid priestesses always thought that they were wiser than everybody else, didn't they? `Keh!' They knew nothing, though. Nobody could ever know Kagome like he did. Turning his head away from the young woman he muttered, “She will.”

 

“No, she won't.”

 

Hearing that, his head turned toward her once more before he snapped, “And how do you know that?”

 

“It's obvious, Inuyasha.”

 

She sounded so certain, almost as if she knew something that he didn't. `What if she does?' Come to think of it, Keiko had been close to Kagome. All those times they had fought, she had spent the night at Keiko's. Why hadn't he thought about that before? Of course, she knew why Kagome left! Never taking his eyes off of hers, he stood up slowly, as he asked, “You know something, don't you?”

 

She shook her head in the negative, but not before he had seen that look of panic flash in her eyes. She definitely knew something. Getting impatient, he took a step toward her as she took a step back. “Tell me, dammit! What do you know?!”

 

Shaking her head, she took another step back before shouting, “It doesn't matter! She's not coming back. Not ever!”

 

He clenched his fists in anger. The bitch definitely knew something. But why the hell was she refusing to tell him?! “Why not, dammit?!” he growled.

 

“Because she's not worthy of you!”

 

He was completely taken aback by her outburst. This was something he hadn't expected to hear from Keiko. She had been Kagome's friend, after all. Why would she think so lowly of her?

 

Before he could voice his question, she continued shouting, “Why are you still waiting for her? Have you forgotten how she treated you?! All those times she subdued you?! Would she have done that if she loved you?!”

 

His mouth was hanging open. What the hell was she talking about? And how dare she tell him that his mate did not love him, dammit?! He opened his mouth to give her a piece of his mind before he was cut short with her softened voice.

 

“I wouldn't do that to you. Can't you see that? It's me who really loves you!”

 

It was that moment when realization dawned upon him. Keiko had not only known something about his mate's leaving, but she had also done something to make her leave. He had been right, after all. Kagome hadn't left him, had she? She had been sent away by the treacherous bitch that had wormed her way into their lives like a snake and had poisoned his mate without anyone knowing about it. “It was you, wasn't it? You did something to her. You sent her away, didn't you?!”

 

“What does it matter now? She's gone, but I'm here for you.”

 

He couldn't take it anymore. In the blink of an eye, his hand was around her neck, threatening to choke her. He whispered, his voice dripping venom, “You will tell me what you did to her and to my pups.”

 

“It's too late,” she choked out as she closed her eyes to escape his scorching gaze.

 

“You will tell me, or else …” he trailed off, letting her ponder the possibilities of what he could do to her if she did not cooperate.

 

The impudent bitch was not going to make his job easy, it seemed, for she refused to talk against the increasing pressure on her throat. He slapped her with the back of his free hand. Even his voice was trembling with fury as he ordered once more, “Speak, now!”

 

“No!”

 

The rest of that confrontation was a blur in his mind. Only when he had heard Sango and Miroku's voices, had he become aware of his surroundings. All he had wanted was to make her talk, to learn what had happened to Kagome and his pups. In his anger and desperation, he hadn't realized how much he had tortured her. She would have died in his hands if the monk and the slayer had not interrupted. Of course, seeing what he had done, they had been furious with him and had claimed he had lost his mind. He had left, promising that he would be back and swearing that he would kill her the next time.

 

Inuyasha wasn't proud of what he had done, mind you. He had killed many times before, but torturing someone, especially someone weaker than himself, had not been for him. However, he didn't regret it, either. He knew for a fact that he would do it again if he ever laid his hands on her. He would do anything to get his pups back.

 

Later, he had heard that she had run away from the village, seeking protection from one of the lords. Apparently, she had changed her mind about the cruelness of his subjugation spell after that day by the well because the lords had started a war against demons with her help in using that damn spell. The lords had already been restless because of the increase in the number of demon attacks on human villages. It seemed that a few years after Naraku's demise, the number of rogue demons had increased, and it hadn't helped that he had refused to leave the well since Kagome had left.

 

He had been quite amused when he proved to be immune to their subjugation spells. The annoying beads Kagome had used against him had been his salvation. They hadn't managed to subdue him no matter how hard they had tried, for the wench's spell — which was only one of the ways they were connected — had been too powerful.

 

Having heard about his immunity, and also about his victory against Naraku, other demons had started asking him for help. He had accepted, thinking that he could at least keep the demons from attacking civilians. No need to mention that he had had a bone to pick with Keiko. Before he knew it, he had become the general of the demon armies.

 

Although he had been busy with the war, Inuyasha had made it a habit to go to the Goshinboku on the nights of the new moon. Thanks to his human blood, his longing for his mate and pups had become unbearably intense on moonless nights. At least, being close to the sacred tree had made him feel closer to his family. By the end of one of those nights, after more than nine years, Kagome had come back.

 

That night he had been injured on his way by two soldiers. He had been sitting under the Goshinboku when she had showed up. He couldn't believe his eyes when he had seen her. At first he had thought her to be a dream. Only when the sun had risen and he had smelt her scent, had he known that she had finally returned.

 

His happiness had lived short, though. He had realized that she had not remembered him when she had asked who and what he had been. Then, they had been surrounded by the human soldiers, and he had had no choice but to run away without Kagome in his injured state. He had tried to take her with him at the hot springs, but Sango had intervened. Not wanting to fight his ex-comrade, he had left without Kagome. Besides, his injuries had not been healed, and he would have lost if he had fought.

 

He had gone back to the Western Castle to talk to Nobuko and Hiromi about Kagome's situation, and also to come up with a way to take her back. Both women had agreed that her memory loss could have been caused by a spell. If it had been the case, she should not have been forced to remember, for that could have caused the spell to become permanent. He had been enraged when he had heard that. Unfortunately, that had not been the worst part.

 

“Heed my words, my lord. This spell does not work on everyone, especially not on someone as strong as your mate. She must have wanted to forget in order for the spell to affect her.”

 

After hearing that from the old priestess, he had suspected that Kagome might have known about his nightmares. He shook his head at that thought. No, it wasn't possible. His Kagome wouldn't want to forget about him, not even for a moment. But, she had forgotten, and he desperately needed her to remember. So, he had sneaked into the castle where she had been held and kidnapped her.

 

Even though he had been forbidden to tell her anything about their past, he couldn't keep himself from doing things that could have triggered her memory. He had tried to get her angry; he had tried to be affectionate with her like they had been after they had mated. However, nothing seemed to work so far. Sometimes he had forgotten that she hadn't remembered, and when he had been reminded of that fact by her actions or words, he had become irritable.

 

Just like that day, on their way to the Western Castle, before Sesshoumaru had so rudely interrupted. `The bastard.' When she had asked where he had been taking her, it had reminded him of their first time. She had asked the same question then. Looking around, he had seen how much their surroundings had looked like where he had mated her. He couldn't stop himself and had said that he had been taking her to their new home, like he had done so long ago. To his surprise, she had said exactly the same words she had that day. Gods, he had missed her so much, he couldn't have stopped himself even if he had wanted to. Besides, he hadn't wanted to stop, hoping that reenacting their special moments would help her to remember. But, the bastard had to intrude. That was why he had lost his control and almost turned full demon on Sesshoumaru.

 

When they had arrived at the castle, Nobuko and Hiromi had cast a spell on Kagome to remove Keiko's spell. They had made her drink that nasty potion everyday to keep Keiko's spell from invading her mind again before she remembered. According to the old hag, the bitch's spell would be completely gone once Kagome remembered herself.

 

The wait was taking its toll on him, though. The more time it took her to remember, the less patience he had left. Finally, he had come to a breaking point last night. He knew what he had done to her was not nice. Fuck, he himself was losing control thinking that all those bastards in that room had smelt her. And, the way he had frightened her afterwards … He had never hurt her physically — except those times he had transformed. He couldn't stand seeing her in pain and smelling her blood, but he was too far gone to care about those anymore. He needed her to remember, dammit!

 

He had to know where his pups were!

 

 

~*~

 

 

`Small steps, small steps, must not hurry, small steps …' Despite what she had been chanting in her mind, Rin found herself increasing her pace after every few steps. She stopped the bounce in her step just in time to keep the teacup from falling off the tray she was holding. Since the day her lord had brought her to this castle after the war had started all those years ago, it had been a routine job for her to prepare her lord's morning tea and serve it to him with her own hands — a job she took immense pleasure from. Some of the ladies around her did not understand why she was doing this. She was the lady of the house, wasn't she? Didn't she have lots of servants to run her errands for her? She would only smile at them whenever she was asked such questions. What could she say to them? They wouldn't be able to understand even if she tried to explain.

 

Sesshoumaru had been her savior at first. Then, he had honored her by becoming her lord. After the destruction of Naraku and the jewel, he had left her with Lady Kaede to help her get used to being around humans. She had spent several years away from him, wishing and hoping that he would take her back one day. He had come to visit her occasionally and had brought her presents every time, but he had never let her follow him. Finally, when Kaede had died and the war had started, he had come back to take her with him. Apparently, he had been concerned for her safety among humans because too many people had known about her connection with him.

 

After all those years she had been away from him, Rin would do anything to spend five more minutes in his presence everyday. No, those pompous fools wouldn't comprehend that. There was only one person in this castle that could understand her. She sighed, thinking about what her brother-in-law had been through. `Poor guy.' She supposed she was lucky to have been reunited with her lord. If she could give him an heir, she would have nothing left to wish for.

 

Sighing, she turned one last corner and reached the hall that led to her mate's study. She was surprised to see the object of her previous thoughts on her way. He was sitting on the ground, his head against the wall, his hands resting on his raised knees, his head bent down. He looked absolutely miserable. She hurried toward her brother-in-law, careful not to spill the tea on her tray.

 

“Inuyasha?”

 

He raised his head to look at her with his golden eyes — eyes that reflected every inch of his suffering. Before he could utter a word, his name rang in their ears, causing his to flatten against his head. They both turned their heads at the same time to see Emi, Lady Nobuko's young apprentice, running in their direction.

 

“My lord, she's gone!” she cried out.

 

He was on his feet in an instant as he shouted back, “What the hell do you mean?!”

 

Finally reaching their sides, the girl answered, her voice getting high-pitched in her panic. “One of the guards had seen Kirara flying towards the east with a human woman on her back! It was her!”

 

“Dammit!” With that, he rushed out of the hall, leaving a bewildered Rin and a gasping young priestess behind him.

 

Rin sent Emi a confused look before asking, “Who's gone?”

 

 

End of Chapter 12