InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Heartless ❯ Heart to Heart ( Chapter 17 )

Disclaimer: I neither own Inuyasha nor make any monetary gains by torturing him.

 

 

 

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Special thanks to my lovely betas Ai Kisugi and Hedanicree.

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`Thinking'

“Talking”

Dream or memories

 

 

 

Chapter 17: Heart to Heart

 

Night fell gradually over the village, obscuring the tiny huts spread over the grounds as the laughter of children and the chatter of adults gave way to the silence of sleep. Darkness covered the surrounding forest, exaggerating the eeriness of the woods with the deepened shadows under the sliver of moonlight. A black crow flew over the trees, bypassing the cluster of huts until it reached a secluded building much larger than the usual home of a humble farmer. The bird perched on the roof with a squawk, followed by incomprehensible grumbling the source of which would be difficult to point out even under daylight.

 

“Finally, you featherbrained, chicken midget!” cried out the scratchy voice of an elderly male as a minuscule figure jumped off the crow's head. “You had to drag me to every village in the vicinity and circle each at least five times before you found the right one, didn't you?!” Four little arms flew in the air in a failed attempt to intimidate the disinterested bird before Myoga the flea gave up with a huff on the face of the creature's ignorance. “Why am I even talking to you? You clearly don't understand a word that I'm saying!” Two hands ghosted over his face in exasperation before they joined the other two on his rounded waist. “Oh, well,” he sighed tiredly. “I am the baka that hopped on the only bird from hell with no sense of direction. Just forget it.” He shook his head at the blank look on the crow's beady eyes before he flailed all four arms impatiently and cried out, “Shoo! Shoo!”

 

Once the bird from hell took off, Myoga reached one of the back windows in several little jumps. The bedroom was slightly illuminated by the faint glow of embers in the hearth. Inuyasha lay on his back on the futon with Kagome nestled comfortably on his side. Upon his entrance, Kirara looked up from her perch by the sleeping couple's feet. Despite the clean appearance of the room and its occupants, the scent of blood was heavy in the air, making his mouth water.

 

The old flea hopped down and offered the cat demon a small greeting before he plunged his sting-like mouth into the hanyou's neck. He drank and drank, but his master didn't even flinch under his assault. He pulled back before he killed the already wounded man from blood loss, and then jumped on Kagome to suck from her neck. “Delicious! How I missed these two!” he exclaimed before he dived to indulge in his treat. It was Kirara's warning growl and the discomfort of his over-stuffed belly that finally put an end to the flea's little feast.

 

“Oh my,” he grumbled after his inflated body tumbled to the floor and he ended up lying on his back. “Such lazy sleepers! If that didn't wake them up, I don't know what will.” Receiving a snort at his comment, he raised his head to glare at the cat demon. “You think you can do better than that?” he asked only to be met with a dismissing attitude as Kirara looked away from him with her nose in the air. “What? You won't help me?” questioned Myoga in surprise.

 

The cat demon glanced at the couple. Her glowing red eyes softened at the sight, and he understood her concern. “You think they need to rest, don't you? Kami, they have been through a lot lately.” He sighed sadly before he scrambled up to his feet. “Very well. Let them sleep then. I have to go and find Kohaku before it's too late. You keep an eye on them, will you?” The flea opted to waddle toward the door instead of trying the impossible jump back to the window in his current state. Right after he disappeared from sight, he peeked into the room one last time and shook four forefingers in the cat's direction threateningly much to the amusement of his company. “And, don't you dare let them leave before I return!”

 

~*~

 

The door to the dungeon cell opened with a loud creak, revealing a burly soldier carelessly jingling the set of keys in his hands. The flames of the single torch flickered with the sudden flux of air, casting animated shadows on his cleanly shaved head.

 

He appraised the prisoners for a moment. The monk's tall frame hung limply against one wall by the chains on his wrists. The slayer sat helplessly against the opposite wall. Even though she was better off than her husband, the chains on her wrists and ankles were not loose enough to let her reach the monk's side. The scowl on her face clearly reflected her displeasure at the intrusion.

 

“Well, well. What do we have here?” asked the soldier before his dark eyes narrowed into slits. “Traitors,” he hissed venomously.

 

Miroku raised his head with great effort to see their visitor. “Tadashi,” he croaked out. “What are you doing here? Wanted to chat before you killed us, executioner?”

 

The executioner shook his head in disapproval. “Are you mocking me, monk?” He clucked his tongue as he approached Miroku with lazy steps. “It is quite hypocritical of you. At least, I am loyal to my cause. But you…” He paused as his glare jumped from one prisoner to the other. “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” he declared ferociously and spat at Miroku's feet.

 

“Now, you listen,” started Miroku, but his voice was drown by Sango's indignant cry.

 

“We did what was right!”

 

“What was right, huh?” asked Tadashi as he stood in front of the slayer. “Are you ready to die for it, then?” Crouching down, he grabbed her by the hair and forced her to look at him.

 

“Take your hands off of her!” yelled her husband, fighting desperately against his unyielding restraints.

 

The soldier paid him no mind, scoffing at the woman's vain attempts to grab his hand. “It is a pity that such a pretty head will be wasted,” he murmured before releasing her. Not lingering on the slayer's death glare, he returned to Miroku.

 

Once Tadashi's gaze met his, the monk hissed, “You won't lay a hand on her ever again.”

 

“You can't order me around anymore, traitor!” came the soldier's reply, accompanied by the force of his knuckles on the prisoner's jaw. “You lost that right the moment you chose to betray your comrades!” His next blow landed on Miroku's stomach, extracting a guttural grunt from his victim.

 

Sango screeched in fury, struggling with her restraints. “Leave him alone!” she shouted just as Tadashi landed another blow to Miroku's jaw. “Stop it, you bastard!” she cried out.

 

Cradling his abused fist, the executioner turned to her as the monk's head fell limply against his chest. “He will go first,” he said before pointing his finger to Sango. “And, you…” He paused as his eyes narrowed at the slayer. “You will watch him die.”

 

“Damn you!” bellowed Sango as the headsman stomped out of the room.

 

Tadashi never liked the couple since he thought they were too tolerant of their enemies, and he knew the sentiment was mutual. However, he also knew that they were essentially good people. They had been his comrades for years, after all. That was why once he exited the cell and closed the door behind him, his face dropped immediately. Sighing dejectedly, he leaned on the wall, trying to regain his composure.

 

It was with the lingering heaviness of his encounter that Tadashi entered Lady Keiko's chambers a few minutes later. The lady sat by the window, watching the flurry of activities outside. The castle had come alive that morning after the priestess had met with the lords to discuss the fate of the war. The orders spread quickly afterward; they were to get ready for the final battle.

 

Tadashi hadn't been surprised by this news. Like most others, he had been aware that the soldiers had been restless for quite some time. They were tired and hopeless. They wanted to go home. They wanted peace. Unless the lords acted soon, a mutiny was inevitable, and they knew it as well. Even though a battle in a foreign territory was highly risky, the decision had been simple for them: If soldiers were going to die, they would die fighting against the enemy rather than against each other. This final blow on the enemy was their only chance to finish this war victorious.

 

Some of the soldiers believed that it was a suicide mission and attempted to leave; they were now resting in the overflowing dungeons. Most of them, however, trusted the high priestess' judgment and were happy that they would be going home soon.

 

Tadashi was one of them.

 

Noticing his presence, Keiko turned to appraise him from behind her veil. “Tadashi, you're back. Please, come closer.”

 

The executioner took a few strides to stand in front of the lady before bowing deeply. As he stood up, she asked, “Did you do as I instructed?”

 

“Yes, my lady.”

 

“Have you been successful?”

 

“Yes, my lady. They were both fuming when I left their cell.”

 

“Good,” Keiko murmured as she nodded her head in approval. Noting his lingering discomfort, she asked, “Did it bother you? They were your comrades, after all.”

 

He shifted uneasily on his feet, not knowing how to reply. It did bother him, but this was his job and he always obeyed his orders without complaint. Having felt more than he was supposed to during a job was a weakness he was afraid to admit. But the lady's voice made him feel at ease, and he nodded. “I'm afraid it did bother me a little, my lady.”

 

Keiko sighed sadly. “It bothers me as well; I thought they were my friends only two days ago.” She shook her head as if to clear it from disturbing thoughts. “But, they betrayed me,” she added in a hard voice. “They chose their fate and brought this upon themselves. I find solace in the fact that we might still have a use for those two.”

 

“If you don't mind me asking, my lady,” started Tadashi nervously. “That young demon — the fox... He was your friend too, wasn't he? Is that why you let him go yesterday?”

 

The priestess chuckled humorlessly as she gazed out the window. “I learned long ago that no demon is my friend, even if I had been a friend to them at one time,” she uttered dejectedly. She turned to look at him, then. “You can't trust demons, don't you know that yet? Deep down, every single one of them is evil.” Seeing the confusion on the executioner's face, she continued, “Yes, I released young Shippo, but not without a reason. Unfortunately, you won't see why since you will be gone with the rest of the army once the time comes.”

 

“Aren't you coming with us, my lady?”

 

Keiko shook her head. “I have business to attend to, but I will meet you later,” she uttered absently before she brightened. “How can I miss the greatest of all victories?”

 

~*~

 

Long, dark eyelashes fluttered as the sunlight flickered behind the leaves outside the window. Dog ears twitched lightly, catching the soothing sounds of the forest surrounding the unconventional hut. Then, they caught the soft beat of a heart close by and rotated to focus on the gentle rhythm.

 

Inuyasha cracked open one eye to see the wooden ceiling of a familiar room. The light weight on his shoulder shifted slightly, and he glanced down to see Kagome curled up at his side, blissfully asleep. A lazy grin tugged at his lips as he gazed at his beloved's slumbering face like the lovesick puppy that he was. She looked beautiful as usual. He loved waking up to the sight of his mate every morning but he knew this peace wouldn't last for long. The pups would be barging into the room any minute now. Reika would be whining about something her brother did, and Raiden would claim his innocence while pestering his father to go out and slaughter unsuspecting trees with the Tetsusaiga.

 

The half-demon trained his ears toward the door and listened intently to hear their tiny feet shuffling around, but there was no sound. Now, that was unusual. They never slept after sunrise. He listened more carefully only to find out that he couldn't hear their soft breathing and the gentle thump of their hearts, either. `The little menaces must have gone outside already.' But, how could they go out? Had Kagome forgotten to erect the barrier last night?

 

He sighed, knowing that he would have to get up and see for himself but unwilling to leave his heaven so soon. The simple movement of his chest brought his attention to the uncomfortable tingling on his torso. It was then that Inuyasha finally looked down at his body, stretched out on the futon. He grimaced at the sight, bringing a new onslaught of unwelcome sensations concentrated on his torso. His chest supported countless angry marks everywhere which could only be the remnants of fast healing injuries. `Of what? Whip? Sword? Dagger?' He wondered what he must have gotten himself into this time to have ended up in such a state.

 

Gazing lower, he noticed that his waist was wrapped up in white cloth. `Ahh, so that's why my stomach's itchy.' The wound had been serious if he could still feel it. He would gladly stand the itching, though. Even if it was uncomfortable, it meant he was healing. This wasn't the first time the hanyou opened his eyes to find himself battered up, after all.

 

“Inuyasha,” mumbled Kagome in her sleep, bringing his attention back to her. Now that he was more coherent, he noticed that her skin was paler than normal and her hair was tangled in knots. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her bottom lip was chapped — no doubt due to her nervous chewing. She looked tired even in her sleep. Obviously, she had exhausted herself in order to take care of him. `How long have I been out?'

 

He caught a glimpse of burgundy on her yukata, and his sense of smell finally kicked in. The room stank of blood — dried blood, fresh blood, his blood. Underneath it all, he could detect Kagome's sweet scent. But, something was missing. `The pups! I can't smell the pups at all. It's like… they've never been here.' With that revelation, reality sank in, and the heavy weight of sorrow Inuyasha had lived with for years returned to his heart. `Of course you can't smell them, you baka. They haven't been here for almost ten years.'

 

His children were still missing, but his mate was with him now. Looking down at her, he felt the corners of his lips lift up in a small smile. At least with Kagome by his side, he still had hope.

 

As if sensing his gaze, the miko shifted in his embrace, giving the half-demon a better view of her face. His smile turned into a frown when he noticed the healing cuts and bruises on her neck. Dread consumed him, and he stiffened in horror. `Did I do that? Dammit! Did I transform again?'

 

Inuyasha tried to push the fear away as he brought his hand up, letting it hover over her tender flesh. He examined the marks carefully, turning his hand this way and that. They did not match, and he exhaled in relief.

 

As he looked at his hand over her neck, the memory of another clawed hand in the same position came back to him. `Shippo! That baka!' He gritted his teeth in anger as he recalled how close the kitsune had come to ending Kagome's life. Despite Inuyasha's warning to stay out of his business, the runt had been stupid enough to go after Kagome on his own. It didn't matter how good Shippo's intention had been. In the end, the boy had been caught and had become a pawn of Keiko, just like everybody else.

 

Inuyasha could remember the wicked priestess' joy as she had finally put her collar on him after years of fighting. His hand flew to his neck, and he exhaled in relief when he realized the collar was gone. He had been taken to the castle by Keiko's men to be chained in the dungeons. It had been cold, dark and damp. He couldn't remember what happened afterward, only that it had been painful… and that Kagome had come for him.

 

She always came back to him.

 

He placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He called himself her protector — powerful, courageous and ready to die for her any moment. But in fact, this puny human always managed to conquer what he couldn't. She was strong when he failed. She was his savior. Even after all these years, after everything the hanyou had done in the last few weeks, she had saved him… again.

 

If only she remembered…

 

Inuyasha sighed tiredly as the weight of his situation descended upon him once more. How convenient it would be to disregard the last ten years of his life, to forget about all the excruciating pain of loss and the stifling loneliness he had suffered. But, nothing had been convenient for him; nothing had been easy. And as it was, he still had no idea where his pups were and he wouldn't find out unless Kagome remembered her past.

 

His chest started heaving. After Kagome had left, the half-demon couldn't stay in the house he had built for her, and now, he felt like the walls were closing in on him. The air was suffocating without the scent of his pups. He couldn't stay in this place anymore. He needed air.

 

Careful not to wake his slumbering mate, Inuyasha sat up slowly. Kagome murmured his name in her sleep and rolled away from him. He listened to her even breathing before he stood up. After he grabbed a clean shirt from the chest and picked up his haori, he exited the house with tired strides.

 

He was tying the ties to his haori as he stepped into the garden. A soft mew brought his attention to the bundle of fur lying curled up next to the door. Kirara looked up at him with apologies in her big, red eyes. Crouching down, the hanyou patted the cat demon's head gently. “I know, my friend. You did what you thought was right. It's okay.” After Kirara purred her appreciation, he stood up to leave.

 

In a flash, the cat jumped and transformed, blocking his way with her giant form. “What?” asked the hanyou, surprised at her behavior. When he stepped to the side, Kirara shifted slightly, blocking in his way once more. “Relax, I'm not going anywhere,” he mumbled when he realized her intention. “Keep an eye on Kagome, will you?”

 

As the cat finally let him pass, Inuyasha could swear she snorted as if to say, “Did you ever need to ask?” As he rolled his eyes at the neko's returning arrogance, he took the path leading into the woods.

 

The sun shone on him as the half-demon trudged through the grassy fields, but he could make out the heavy clouds threatening to take over the sky. The wind was picking up as well, sending his hair flying over his shoulder every once in a while. A storm was approaching fast.

 

Once he reached the woods, he looked up at the sound of a gasp. A middle-aged man stood with a bundle of sticks in his arms. His eyes were wide with fear when they met the hanyou's. Inuyasha recognized this man. He had helped the villager build his hut when the human had gotten married. Kagome had helped his wife with the birth of his son. Now, the same guy stood before him with trembling legs before running out of the woods as if he had seen a monster.

 

A fucking monster.

 

They had been quick to believe that after all Inuyasha had done to protect this village and all the years he had spent living among them, as one of them. He couldn't really blame them for turning against him so easily, though. After all, they were right to think so. No matter how much he had tried to blend in, the half-demon had still been different; he had always been an outsider. Most importantly, there was a part of him that could easily turn into a monster.

 

But, it was not the demon in his blood.

 

It was the man in him that had lost his love and the father that had lost his children. He wanted answers; he wanted closure; he wanted what he had lost back; and if nothing else, he wanted revenge. There was no life for this shell of a man beyond those three souls, and frankly, Inuyasha didn't care if he was a monster without them.

 

It wasn't long before his feet brought him to the one place that always calmed him to some extent: The Goshinboku. He closed his eyes and sat silently against his old friend, taking all the comfort the tree had to offer. He must have dozed off after a while. When he opened his eyes again, it was to the sound of soft footsteps and a tentative call of his name.

 

“Inuyasha?”

 

His head shot up, surprised that he hadn't even caught her scent until now. But, there she stood, dressed in the red hakama and white shirt he had been so used to seeing her in and smelling of love, of compassion and hope — smelling of Kagome. It would have been perfect were it not for the bitter aroma of fear and remorse tainting his favorite fragrance.

 

The miko stood awkwardly a few feet away from him with her head bowed down. She timidly peeked at the hanyou from beneath her dark eyelashes while wringing the ties of her hakama nervously. Her voice was weak as she spoke to the ground. “I thought you had left.”

 

He snorted at her words. This wasn't like the fiery and stubborn woman Inuyasha had come to love. He wanted her back. “Why would I leave you?” he muttered, slightly irritated at his constant longing. He had her back in a sense, and if it came down to it, the half-demon would have to learn to be content with that. He would have to accept that she might not remember who she was ever again.

 

And, who he had been to her…

 

Kagome's knuckles turned white as her grip tightened on the piece of cloth in her hands, and she mumbled almost inaudibly, “I could think of a few reasons.”

 

That brought a grin to his face. `Ahh, there's the attitude I missed. Welcome back, wench.' Snickering, he beckoned her closer. “Come here.”

 

The miko looked up then, and seeing his expression, a ghost of a smile passed her features before her eyes glistened with tears. Letting go of the abused cloth in her hands, she ran to him. She dropped to her knees in front of the hanyou, between his spread legs. “How are you feeling?”

 

Inuyasha shrugged nonchalantly, playing down the hell he had been through for the last few days for her sake. “All right, I guess.”

 

Kagome huffed at his recklessness. “You shouldn't have left the bed,” she chided. “You were badly injured, Inuyasha.”

 

“Feh! It's nothing. It's just a scratch. See?” He moved to pull his bandages down to prove his point, but she was quick to stop him from doing so. He rolled his eyes as he held onto her hands instead. “I'm fine, wench. Stop worrying.”

 

“You always say that,” the young woman grumbled as she trained her eyes on their clasped hands.

 

A bittersweet smile surfaced on the half-demon's face at her surliness. It was pathetic how he missed even the worst things about his miko. Everything that had infuriated him in the past — her anger, the way her face fell when she was upset, all those times that she had subdued him… Now, there was nothing about her that didn't bring joy to his heart. Now, he would die to hear her say that dreaded word again.

 

Avoiding eye contact, Kagome took her hands out of his grasp. As the hanyou watched, clueless to what she was up to, she fumbled with her shirt, taking out a much too familiar item from her bosom. Holding the set of beads and fangs up in her fingers, she asked, “May I?”

 

Wordlessly, Inuyasha bent his head down, letting her put the rosary around his neck. She hugged his neck then, holding onto him desperately while being careful not to touch his wound. “I'm sorry,” she whispered. “For everything.”

 

Inuyasha sighed as he returned the embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around her slim waist. She was still shaken about running off with his rosary. He couldn't blame her for what she had done, though. It had been his fault that she had felt the need to run away from him. The hanyou nuzzled the soft skin beneath her ear and took a deep breath, savoring his favorite fragrance that was Kagome. “There's nothing to be sorry about,” he reassured. “It's all right now. Everything's all right.”

 

The miko shook her head, her face still buried in his silver locks. “No, Inuyasha,” she countered vehemently. “Please, stop saying that. Nothing is all right.” She sniffled against his hair. He could feel her hands fisting his haori on his back as she tightened her hold on him. “I've ruined everything,” she whispered after a while. Her voice was low, but the half-demon could clearly hear the tremors of anger and self-loathing in it. “I believed her lies again and let her get her hands on you. I left you again. I made so many mistakes; I don't know where to begin apologizing.”

 

Inuyasha froze at her words before pulling away slightly to look her in the eye. Kagome's blue orbs shone with tears threatening to spill down at any moment, and the deep sadness he found there broke his heart. Yet, hope flickered in his widened golden orbs as he asked, “You-you remember?”

 

Her eyes filled with more tears, and Kagome shut them tightly. The droplets of sorrow ran down her cheeks as she nodded mutely.

 

“Fuck! You remember!” cried out Inuyasha and delved his nose into her hair to calm the butterflies in his chest. Completely disregarding his wound, his arms tightened around her waist. Words of gratitude to all the deities he had cursed for the last ten years were a litany on his lips as he held her close to his heart.

 

Once the hanyou finally pulled away, a sob tore out of Kagome's chest, only to be silenced by his hot mouth on hers. His lips were unrelenting as they coaxed and tugged and caressed, desperate to convey his longing and stealing her breath away with its intensity. The miko's arms released their death grip on his neck, and she cupped his cheeks with her hands. The familiar warmth of her soft fingers was further proof that she was real, that she was there, back in his arms, and Inuyasha sighed into his kiss in relief, letting her breathe him in greedily.

 

When they broke apart, both panting for air, the half-demon laid his forehead against his mate's. Kagome's hands rested on his cheeks, lovingly stroking the soft skin with her thumbs, while Inuyasha rediscovered the lines of her face with his fingertips. “You don't know how long I've waited for this,” he whispered breathlessly.

 

Kagome brushed the tip of her nose against his lovingly. “I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry,” she whispered before she captured his lips this time. Her kiss was slow and gentle as if she was trying to pour all the affection he had been deprived of over the years into her caresses, and Inuyasha responded in kind. His fingers threaded into her hair, indulging in its silkiness before gliding down to her neck. As he stroked the soft skin he found there and got lost in her unique taste, he never wanted to let go.

 

In the end, it was Kagome who pulled away. Gold melted into sapphire as she looked deeply into his eyes. She whispered then, and her voice was strong despite its low level. “I'll never leave you like that again. Never. I promise.”

 

That reminded him of the question he had been dying to know the answer to. “How did you leave?” he asked, eager to find out if he had been right in his assumptions and dreading it at the same time.

 

“I'm not really sure,” started Kagome, biting her bottom lip nervously. “I was crying right here, at the base of Goshinboku. Then, there was Keiko…” Her voice trailed off, and her brow furrowed in thought. “…and then, I opened my eyes in the well, in my time. I didn't understand why I was there.” The miko shook her head, and her eyes filled with tears as she continued, “I didn't remember anything about you, Inuyasha, or the well and this world. Anything at all... It was as if everything that involved you was wiped out of my head. Like it never happened. I think…” She paused for a moment, and her face hardened before she added, “I think she did something to make me forget and sent me through the well.”

 

“That bitch,” Inuyasha growled. He wanted to punch something but couldn't bring himself to release his hold on his mate. Instead, he opted to fisting his hands tight enough to draw blood with his claws. “The old hag said that she cast a spell on you.” Then, he remembered what else the old priestess had told him, and he stiffened. “She also said that you must have wanted to forget for the spell to work.” The words tore at his heart as they passed his lips just like they had when he had heard them. But, he needed to understand. He looked down at her with a raised eyebrow, urging her to speak up and trying to hide his pain.

 

Kagome sighed before pulling back from his arms, but the half-demon didn't let her go far and kept a hold on her forearms. Guilt radiated off of her in waves as the miko spoke with her gaze on her hands. “I was devastated, Inuyasha.” She peeked at him from under her eyelashes and bit her lip anxiously before she whispered, “You were having these dreams all the time and you were talking in your sleep…”

 

That was enough to let Inuyasha know that his suspicions had been right. He let his head fall back against the tree's bark as a groan left his lips, causing her to stop. “I knew it had to do with those damn nightmares,” he muttered, hitting his head against the Goshinboku in frustration.

 

“Nightmares?” Kagome asked in a trembling voice once he stopped abusing his scalp. “They didn't sound like nightmares, and I thought… Why didn't you tell me?”

 

Opening one eye, Inuyasha looked at her as if she had gone insane. “How could I?” he asked incredulously. “What was I supposed to say? How could I tell you that I had…” He couldn't finish his sentence. The hanyou still couldn't say what had been in those nightmares out loud. It was shameful and hurtful — an unwelcome memory he would do anything to erase from his mind. He shook his head and growled in frustration. “I suffered enough for the both of us. I didn't want you to hurt as well.”

 

Kagome closed her eyes, and a tear dropped from her eyelashes. He caught it with his thumb and sighed tiredly before he asked, “Why didn't you tell me?”

 

Her lips twisted in a sad smile, and she pinned him with her loaded gaze as she retorted, “Have I ever told you that I hurt?”

 

Inuyasha gulped in discomfort, remembering all those times he had hurt his miko in the past while she had refused to leave his side despite all his idiocy. “But, it was different this time!” he protested then. “You should have been able to tell me when I hurt you. We were mates, dammit!”

 

“Yes, it was different. It was worse!” Kagome shot back vehemently, and he flinched seeing the fire that took over her gaze. “My husband was dreaming of the other woman while he slept beside me. I was heartbroken, betrayed, humiliated.” The hanyou's ears drooped a little more with every last word that crossed the miko's lips. “Don't you see?” she asked in a softer voice. “Saying it out loud would only deepen the pain.”

 

“You had a right to demand an explanation,” he insisted, trying to soothe her nerves by stroking her arms.

 

Kagome was having none of it, though. “What was I supposed to say?” she retorted. The fire in her eyes intensified, and her voice got louder as she continued, “Damn you, Inuyasha! I know what you're doing every damn night in your fucking dreams?!”

 

“Yeah, that could have worked,” grumbled Inuyasha, disturbed by the agony he had caused her.

 

It was as if a damn broke with his sarcasm. Fisting her hands on the collar of his haori, the young woman shook him with all the force she had. “How could you?!” she cried out. “After everything we've been through! After everything I've done for you!” Angry tears streaked down her cheeks, yet she continued, “I've given up my life, my family for you! We had children, for God's sake!” Kagome let go of his collar then, hitting his chest with her fists instead. “How could you do this to me?! How could you dream of her?!” The miko's blows weakened, so did her voice until she was merely whispering. “I thought I was the one closest to you. I thought she was finally gone forever.”

 

Inuyasha hugged his wife to his chest forcibly as she broke down in sobs. Seeing Kagome's tears and hearing her desperate cries were almost worse than waiting for her had been, but the half-demon did his best to stay strong and let his beloved spit out the poison. Ignoring the pain in his chest, he gently rocked her back and forth as his fingers combed her hair softly. “She was gone,” he reassured her in a whisper. “She still is. Forever.” He kissed her temple as her sobs slowly died. “It wasn't me, you know?” the hanyou asked once his miko was calm enough to listen.

 

“I think I do now,” she mumbled against his chest.

 

“It was always the same dream,” stated Inuyasha softly, forcing the words out for her sake. “I would beg her to stop, to let me go, but she wouldn't listen. I was trapped. I couldn't…” He paused when he almost choked on his words and closed his eyes against the onslaught of memories. “I couldn't make her stop,” he finished with a trembling voice. Bringing his nose to her temple, he breathed in deeply. Her scent calmed his nerves and cleansed his mind off of the horrible images. “They were nightmares, Kagome,” he murmured against her ear.

 

“You-you went to that hill… to where she died,” Kagome choked out. “I followed you.”

 

He sighed. He could remember every single time he went there, burdened with guilt and shame. “To beg for forgiveness,” he clarified.

 

The miko's arms sneaked around his waist, and she squeezed him once to show that she understood. “Keiko,” she whispered the hated name. “Now, that I know what she's capable of, I have no doubt that it had been her doing all along.”

 

Inuyasha nodded quietly, knowing all too well what the wicked priestess was capable of.

 

“I don't understand why she did it, though,” Kagome started as she thought out loud. “She used to be so nice. What happened?”

 

“She thought she was in love with me,” the hanyou explained before he snorted in disdain. “Some sick sense of love she has,” he grumbled. “The idiot thought you weren't good enough.” The miko stiffened in his arms, and he hugged her tighter to reassure the young woman. “I can't get over how easy it was for her to rip us apart,” he muttered absently as his hand drew soothing circles on her back.

 

Kagome was still for a while, and he wondered if she fell asleep until her words broke the silence. “She couldn't have done anything if we had been stronger.”

 

“What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely confused. He pulled away enough to look at her in the eye.

 

The miko seemed to be struggling to find the best way to explain with her lips pursed and her brow furrowed in concentration. “There were issues unresolved and questions unasked,” she started slowly before adding, “At least on my part. I couldn't care less about them when were together, but in the end, they were enough to bring me down with the slightest push.”

 

Her explanation only added to Inuyasha's confusion. He cocked his head to one side as if seeing the world in a new angle would help him understand it better.

 

Kagome straightened and sat back on her heels. She held on to his hands as she tried to make the hanyou understand. “I was so happy that at times, I couldn't believe that it was real. I sometimes wondered how things would've turned out if Kikyo survived or if Naraku never existed. But, those were just fleeting thoughts inspired by my fear of losing you, fear that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. But it wasn't a dream, and I knew better than to linger on your past with Kikyo and ruin my happiness. I truly believed that I was the closest person to you and to your heart. After all, I knew that you shared more of yourself with me than you did with her even before we mated. And later, I believed most of your heart if not all of it belonged to me, to us. But, when you started dreaming of her in our bed, in my arms…”

 

She paused as a shudder passed her shoulders. Her eyes were trained on their clasped hands as she continued timidly, “I felt like I was robbed of a very significant part of you that belonged to me. When I heard you whisper her name in your sleep, for the first time in so many years, I felt as if I was not good enough.” Kagome glanced up at the hanyou's pursed lips before forcing her gaze to meet his. She tightened her hold on him as she finished, “It was a bitter answer to a question I didn't want to ask: You were with me not because you chose me, but because I was the one you were left with.”

 

Inuyasha recoiled as if he had been slapped, but his hands never left hers, needing to keep even the minimal contact no matter what.

 

Seeing the hurt look in his wide eyes, the miko continued soothingly, “I knew you cared about me, Inuyasha, and I never asked you to choose. Not because I didn't want you to, but because it wouldn't be fair to you. And to be honest, I never knew who you would have chosen.”

 

Her words hurt, but they also urged the half-demon to think. If he had been forced to choose, who would he have chosen? At the time, he wouldn't have been able to choose. But now, things were different. He was different. Inuyasha knew what it was like to lose Kikyo and to live without her. He also knew that Kagome filled the void Kikyo's friendship left in him and so much more. He also knew what it was like to live without Kagome. The three years he had spent after the jewel's destruction had been pure hell, and it had been even worse after she had left under Keiko's manipulation. He had survived, but only because he had had hope. If he were to lose her forever… He closed his eyes to shake that thought away.

 

“I can't change the past, Kagome,” the hanyou said, feeling once again the weight of helplessness on his shoulders. “I can't erase whatever I shared with Kikyo, neither can I change what I felt for her. All I wanted was to keep her safe, to right my wrongs, but you…” He cupped her cheeks then, forcing her to look at him. His eyes bored into hers, desperate to convey his meaning. “I need you with me,” he whispered harshly. “Is that so hard to understand?”

 

The miko closed her eyes against the intensity of his gaze. Inuyasha let go of her face and reclaimed her hands, silently staring at a random point over her head before he grumbled, “I could've avoided this disaster if I had been more open with you.”

 

Kagome nodded once in acknowledgement, her eyes back on their hands. “I'm sorry,” she mumbled then. “I should have said something as well. It's just that you were… are… you are my center, Inuyasha.” She looked up at him, silently begging him to believe her, and he did. “I've woven my life around you,” she continued. “When I saw that that wasn't the case with you, that to you, I wasn't what you were to me…” The miko paused when he started to object and shook her head vehemently. “I know it was a trap, but I didn't know it then. I couldn't…” She took in a shuddering breath before she finished in a whisper, “It hurt. It hurt too much.”

 

The hanyou's mouth opened and closed, unable to form words. How could he answer that? She was right. Kagome had given up everything to be with him. Inuyasha had indeed been her center for so long that he couldn't fathom how it would feel to wake up one day and find that everything shifted.

 

To him, the days after she had left had been the closest to what she had been through. The half-demon could remember his turmoil once he had found out that his mate had left. His world had stopped spinning. He had been frozen in time, lost in the void his family's absence created. At first, he had been angry at her. But soon, his anger changed direction because even then, he had known something had been wrong. Even in his darkest hour, Inuyasha had never thought that in her heart, he was less than what she was to him. That was why he had waited for so long. He had always known she would come back to him. She was wrong about one thing, though.

 

She was the center of his life.

 

Before he could tell her that, Kagome let go of his hands. Folding her arms around her stomach, she started rocking back and forth. Her eyes were fixed on the ground as she began mumbling apologies incessantly. “I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.”

 

The miko's behavior frightened Inuyasha. Unsure of what to do, he tried to soothe her by caressing her face tenderly. “Stop apologizing, wench,” he ordered softly. “I can't blame you for what happened any more than I blame myself.”

 

The rain started to drizzle as more tears fell down Kagome's cheeks. Hearing him, her gaze snapped up to his. The pain in her bloodshot orbs was a knife to his chest. “No,” she gritted between clenched teeth. “It's my fault.” When he started to shake his head, she cried out, “The children, Inuyasha! They were with me!” She was hysterical as she fisted the color of his haori in her hands and started to shake the surprised hanyou madly. “Where are they now?! They are gone! I couldn't protect them! They are gone because of me!”

 

The children.

 

His pups.

 

`Fuck!' They were the main reason he needed her to remember so badly. Impatient, he grabbed her by the upper arms and jerked her up. “What the hell do you mean?” he growled out, jolting the crazed woman slightly to get her attention. “They weren't with you on the other side?!”

 

“No!” she screamed. She stared at him with the eyes of a frightened gazelle when she whispered, “I saw them. In the shrine, in my time. Then here…” She paused as she looked around as if expecting to find something that wasn't there. “They brought me here.”

 

“Where?!” he cried out as he frantically glanced around even though he knew they were alone. “Where the fuck were they?!”

 

“They weren't there at all, Inuyasha,” the miko murmured sadly. “Not really.”

 

Agitated by her cryptic explanations, the hanyou hollered, “Dammit, Kagome! You're not making any sense!”

 

Her bottom lip trembled and twisted uncontrollably as Kagome tried to get the words out. “They looked the same as they did when I left. They were the same age. They had no aura. They weren't real.”

 

Deep down, he knew what she was trying to say, but he wanted to hold onto hope for a few more seconds. “What are you saying?” he asked, scared that she would answer but unable to stop the question anyway. Two tears fell from her eyelashes — one pure droplet for each soul missing from their lives. In a daze, he followed their path down her chin until she cupped his jaw and forced him to meet her gaze.

 

Sapphire had never resembled gold before, but it did at that moment as she looked at him with the same pain he had suppressed for so long reflected in her eyes. “They were ghosts,” she whispered, confirming his heart's biggest fear.

 

Kagome continued to hold onto his face, stroking his cheeks to comfort him, but he was too numb to feel anything. He could see her lips still moving, spilling words he couldn't understand, he couldn't hear. Instead of her hysterical voice, a sinister one echoed in his head. “Your children, Inuyasha, will never grow to be a monster like you.” His head started spinning as the meaning of those hateful words sunk in. He didn't want to remember, but he was helpless against Keiko's poison. “Don't worry, though. They didn't feel any pain.”

 

He gasped and finally managed to breathe. He could fucking breathe while the ones he cherished with all his heart, the ones he swore to protect with his life could not. Why was he alive when his pups were not?

 

When feeling returned to him, it started in his chest, slowly taking over every inch of his being. It coiled and spread, crushed and emblazed, and then…

 

He was burning from the inside.

 

They finally came then — the tears. The tears he had refused to shed for the last ten years finally broke out of their cage, and he let them. They fell, getting mixed with the rain on his cheeks as the heavens cried with him.

 

“How did it come to this?” he growled out, digging his claws into the earth. He was pushed back by the force of Kagome's weight as she threw herself into his chest. His arms curled around her waist and held her close. His pain fused with hers as his broken sobs joined her cries. When words failed him, each beat of his heart was a silent plea for her love to cease the fire.

 

But, the fire was too strong, and he was too damn tired.

 

He was tired of waiting, tired of losing, tired of hurting, tired of keeping it all in. His arms tightened around her trembling form, and he screamed his agony in a heart-wrenching wail.

 

No matter how great their sorrow, their sobs gradually faded into silent tears. Still in his embrace, Kagome whispered, “I'm sorry. I failed.”

 

His head shot up from its nest on the crook of her neck, and he glared at her. “You failed?” he asked incredulously. “Stop it, dammit! Don't you see? It's all me! I brought doom to all the people that were closest to me.” His hand fisted, and he punched the ground as his anger escalated. “First my parents, then Kikyo, and now my own pups.” With each count, another blow of his fist landed on the earth. “Don't you see what a fucking failure I am?! My father died protecting me and my mother. I wasn't enough to keep mother alive. I couldn't save Kikyo. And, our pups…” He closed his eyes and hit the tree's bark once with the back of his head. “I was their father; I was supposed to keep them safe or die protecting them like my old man did, but I failed because I couldn't even protect their mother from a fucking human…” His ears drooped with shame as he added, “…and from me.” His eyes snapped open, baring golden pools of self-loathing before he looked away in shame. “You would've been better off without me,” he muttered sullenly.

 

The miko's hands came up to coax him to meet her gaze. The determination in her eyes defied his resolve to condemn himself. “Don't you dare blame yourself for this,” she gritted between clenched teeth. “If you're so desperate to take the blame, fine then! We failed together!” Steely sapphire melted into warm azure as she whispered, “And, we'll heal together. I will be there for you, Inuyasha. But you have to be there for me as well. I can't… I can't…” Her voice trailed off, unable to form anymore words; but he understood and hugged her fiercely, nodding as he did so.

 

When he thought the miko was calm enough to listen, Inuyasha asked, “You know I'm going to kill her, right?”

 

His answer was a single nod against his chest. She sighed before uttering weakly, “Killing her won't bring them back.”

 

“No, it won't,” agreed the hanyou. He knew that nothing would bring his pups back now. However, he also knew that he wouldn't find peace as long as Keiko breathed, and the tone of his voice betrayed his resolve.

 

“But, you have to do it. You need blood for blood,” stated Kagome, understanding his need for vengeance all too well. She tightened her hold on him in reassurance as she added, “I won't stop you.”

 

The hanyou buried his nose in her hair and exhaled in relief. “Good.”

 

The wind picked up, chilling the drenched couple and bringing a familiar scent to the hanyou's nose. His ears perked up when they caught the sound of rapid footsteps on the wet ground accompanied by occasional curses.

 

Inuyasha growled as his momentarily forgotten ire toward the intruder returned. “Fuck,” he swore under his breath. His muscles tightened in preparation to fight if necessary while he wiped at his already rain-washed tears for good measure.

 

Sensing the change in his demeanor, Kagome glanced up at him questioningly. “What is it?” she asked right as someone burst out of the woods. Soaked down to his core and muddy up to his knees, the boy came to a halt in the middle of the clearing. “Shippo?”

 

The fox demon pushed his dripping bangs off of his forehead and grinned at her. “Hi, Kagome,” he greeted her before scratching the back of his now empty neck nervously.

 

Inuyasha could see that the young demon was hesitating to approach them. Suppressing his growls, he urged the boy closer. “Come here, brat.”

 

The moment Shippo sat down within arms' reach, the hanyou's fist came up to bump the kitsune in the head. “Hey! What was that for?!” Shippo cried out at the same time as Kagome chastised, “Inuyasha!”

 

“For not listening to me, you baka!” bellowed Inuyasha, ignoring his mate's disapproving glare and causing the boy to cower with his fury. “Remember what your idiocy almost caused?” he asked as he nodded toward the miko's bruised neck.

 

For once, the fox demon was silent as he shamefully looked down from the sight of his handprint on the young woman's skin. “I'm sorry, Kagome,” he whispered.

 

Never one to hold a grudge, especially when her life was threatened, Kagome patted the kitsune's shoulder. “It wasn't your fault, Shippo. You resisted as much as you could. It was so brave of you to come after me alone. I'm proud of you.”

 

The hanyou snorted in annoyance. She was too compassionate for her own good, especially when it was not directed at him. “I outta beat you to a pulp,” he grumbled, glaring at the boy. “You're lucky I feel like shit.”

 

“I thought you felt fine,” piped up the miko.

 

Caught in his lie, Inuyasha opted to change the topic. “How come you're here anyway?” he asked Shippo. “And what happened to your collar?”

 

“Keiko released me,” the fox started, stealing an apprehensive glance at the scowling half-demon to gauge his reaction to the hated name. “She sent me after you to relay a message. Miroku and Sango… They were caught when you escaped.”

 

“Fuck!” exclaimed Inuyasha. His outburst, along with Kagome's frightened gasp, interrupted Shippo's explanation.

 

Not wanting to delay his grim news anymore, the kitsune added hurriedly, “She said you're invited to the execution. They will be waiting for you in the woods a few miles to the west of the castle.”

 

“Kami,” whispered the miko as she grasped the front of her husband's haori. Her knuckles turned white as she fisted the wet fabric in fear.

 

Inuyasha was seething. Sango and Miroku were his friends no matter what mistakes they had made in the past. He couldn't let them die, especially when they were in this predicament because of him, and the wicked priestess knew this.

 

It was a trap.

 

He hugged Kagome close, seeking courage in her warmth. He couldn't imagine what Keiko had planned, but it was bound to be twisted. At least, he was going to walk in there knowing that she had a plan.

 

That was all he could do.

 

He pulled back to look down at his beloved's beautiful face, rejoicing in the fact that she was back with him, and let it become his strength.

 

The resolution in his eyes must have alarmed her for she started shaking her head in protest. “No. No, no, no, no!” she cried out.

 

However, the panic in her voice and the horror in her wide eyes did nothing to change his mind. “Kagome…” he started only to be silenced by her loud objections.

 

“No! No, dammit, no! They are my friends too, Inuyasha!” screeched the young woman desperately. “You're not leaving without me!”

 

“No!” hollered the hanyou loud enough to be heard from the village. The thought of the high priestess getting close to his mate for whatever reason was paralyzing. “I won't let you go anywhere near that bitch!” he declared with finality. Struggling to keep his voice down, he tried again, “Look, if you won't wait for me here, then you should go back home where you'll be safe and wait there.”

 

That brought out an even stronger reaction from the miko. “Safe?!” she screamed in incredulity. “What does it matter if something happens to you?!”

 

Inuyasha sighed tiredly. “She won't let me die,” he reasoned while he stood up with Kagome still in his arms. “She wants me to suffer, and I won't let her use you again.” He gently coaxed her to release his haori and held onto her hands as he begged, “Please, just go home.”

 

Azure orbs glistened with fresh tears, but the miko's voice did not waver when she exclaimed, “You are my home!”

 

“And, you are my home, dammit!” shouted the half-demon, fed up with her stubbornness. “So, excuse me if I want to fucking protect you!”

 

However, Kagome still refused to listen to him. “No! I'll follow you! I won't leave you again!” She clung to his hands, determined to not let go, before she added in a whisper, “You know I won't. You can't leave me alone in this hell, Inuyasha.”

 

“I'm not leaving you alone,” he whispered back as he leaned his forehead on hers. “I'll come back to you. I promise.” Bringing her hands to his chest, he held them together over his heart and kissed her softly on the lips.

 

When he pulled back, he signaled to Shippo over her head. Perhaps for the first time ever, Shippo acted with him against Kagome. Before the miko knew what was happening, the kitsune's arms wrapped around her waist and the hanyou dropped her hands. She screamed and fought, and the fox seemed to be disturbed by the way he was forced to treat her. But, Inuyasha implored him to not let go with his glare, and for once, the boy listened.

 

Seeing his mate like that was difficult, and his ears drooped against her frantic cries. But, the half demon didn't relent. He slowly stepped back hoping that distancing himself from her would make it easier to leave.

 

“Don't you dare let her go anywhere,” he warned the young demon gravely. Shippo owed him for not listening to him before. When his request was acknowledged with a curt nod, Inuyasha steeled his nerves and whirled on his heels. He had taken only a few steps when Kagome's screeching halted. And then, it came…

 

“Osuwari!”

 

With the unstoppable force around his neck, Inuyasha was, once again, crushed to the earth. Once the spell started to wear off, he raised his head to breathe more comfortably. “When I said I'd die to hear her say it again, I didn't mean it literally, dammit!” he grumbled, spitting dirt from his mouth. Then, he began laughing hysterically as he stood up. “Kami, that felt good. You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that.”

 

He turned to the duo to see them kneeling on the ground. Shippo's hand was covering the miko's mouth snugly, and his unwavering hold trapped her arms at her sides. The half-demon crouched in front of them and kissed her nose gently. “I'm glad to have you back, wench,” he mumbled. “Now, you sit.”

 

His pathetic attempt to lighten the mood failed miserably, and Inuyasha flinched at the wide-eyed, incredulous expression on her face. Her tears fell faster if that was even possible. Doing his best to disregard them, he stood up and turned his back to her.

 

At first, his steps were small. He could still hear Kagome's muffled cries as he hastened his pace until he was running at full speed. With each step, his soul bled more under the pull of the unbreakable thread from her broken heart to his shattered one.

 

 

End of Chapter 17