InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ HeartSong ❯ Never Loved ( Chapter 13 )

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, its characters or any quotes I may use.

 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: NEVER LOVED

 

Months past by and seasons changed. Akari had been living in the Feudal Era for close to a year, her other home in the future nigh onto forgotten. Akari smiled slightly as she thought about the demon lord. Lately being in each other's presence had become unsettling, almost awkward.

Akari groaned and shook her head; it was getting close to the ridiculous side.

“Soon we're going to just start avoiding each other all together” Akari muttered.

“Akari”

Akari looked up and smiled softly; they still had their walks. They talked even less then before, but they still walked together.

“What is wrong?”

Akari shook her head and jumped to her feet, “Nothing. I was just thinking.”

She walked over to Sesshomaru and they began to slowly walk around the garden.

“Why do you let me stay here?”

Sesshomaru glanced down, “Do you with to leave?”

“No. I just want to know why.”

Sesshomaru looked up to the star filled sky, “This Sesshomaru has his reasons.”

Akari jumped in front of him, being him to a halt, “Oh no, you don't. You can't pull that crap on me. I want to know why.”

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow, “You surely are either a very brave or very stupid creature Akari.”

Akari growled, “Whatever. Answer my question.”

Sesshomaru merely sidestepped her and continued walking. Akari sighed in exasperation and ran up to him. Walking backwards so she could see his face Akari glared, “I really hate it when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Don't play stupid.”

Sesshomaru snarled slightly, his teeth glaring in the moonlight, “Stupid?”

“Yes. You-crap!”

Akari tripped over a rock and went flying backwards; she closed her eyes waiting to hit the ground, but instead she felt a hand grab her wrist and pull her up. Akari hit Sesshomaru's chest with a small “Ougf” and looked up.

“Thanks” she whispered.

Sesshomaru didn't release his grip on her arm; he just held her close to his body, his eyes bearing into hers.

“That's why” Sesshomaru finally said softly.

Akari smirked; “Because I'm a klutz?” her voice was just as soft.

“No. Because I can feel your distress, your fear, when you are in danger.”

Akari's eyes widened slightly, “How?”

Sesshomaru dropped her arm and stepped back, “I don't know. Why else do you think I saved you when we first met? I heard you…I felt you were in danger.”

“I see” Akari murmured.

Sesshomaru suddenly grabbed her upper arms and pulled her to him again, “What are you doing to me?” he almost hissed.

“You make me…” he shook his head as he trailed off. He let her go again and turned, disappearing into the night.

Akari raised her eyebrows, “That was weird.”

 

Weeks past and Sesshomaru stayed out of Akari's sight. She was upset, but determined to not let him know it.

“If he can play cold heart, so can I” she thought as she began to get ready for bed. But she was hesitate to go to sleep; for the past week her sleep was pledged with horrible dreams, ones that made her bold straight up in her, sweat clinging to her body.

And that night was no different.

Akari opened her eyes with a blood curdling scream and sat up in her bed. She shook her head and tried to steady her breathing; she was slightly afraid Sesshomaru would show up. He knew showed up when she had nightmares, but she knew her scream could have woken the dead.

Slipping out of her bed she grabbed her shoes and went out to the garden. Slowly walking through the garden she thought about her dreams and didn't hear anyone come up behind her.

“Why are you out here?”

Akari gasped softly and spun around, “Damn it Sesshomaru. Don't do that!” she hissed.

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow, “What's wrong?”

Akari shrugged, “Just couldn't sleep.”

She smiled slightly, “Walk with me?”

Sesshomaru inclined his head and they began to walk their usual route.

“You have been having nightmares.” Sesshomaru stated after a few minutes.

Akari glanced up at him “And what makes you say that?”

“I'm a demon Akari, I can hear you if you sneeze on the other side of the castle.”

Akari laughed softly and nodded, “Of course.” She sighed, “I have been having strange dreams lately.”

Sesshomaru waited. After living with the girl for a year he had come to understand her, well, almost. And he knew if she wanted to say something she would eventually say it. But nothing short of sucking the information from her brain could make her say something she wished to keep to her self. Because of that they had many interesting arguments.

Akari was a strange girl. She could go from icy and calm to a fit of laughing in seconds. She seemed happy and carefree, but sometimes the look in her eyes told of a burden that scars her heart.

“Did your mother love you?”

Sesshomaru stopped, “What?”

“Did your mother love you?”

“Akari, what are you talking about?”

“Did your mother love you?” Akari asked softly.

“Why do you ask such a thing?” Sesshomaru said with frown

“Did she love you?”

Sesshomaru growled slightly, “Akari. Do not test my patience.”

Akari didn't even blink, “Did your mother love you?”

Sesshomaru studied her face. It wasn't twisted into a smirk, like when she was teasing. It was straight, and still. But her eyes; it was her pale eyes that gave her feelings away.

Sesshomaru was startled. Akari was as good as the demon lord when it came to hiding her emotions. He even had a difficult time smelling what she felt.

But now, her normally fire filled eyes, were calm and pain filled; almost reaching out to him.

As if extending an invitation to look into her soul, to see what scars her so.

“Why do you ask?” Sesshomaru asked again; but this time much softer.

“Did your mother love you?” Akari's voice was barely above a whisper.

Sesshomaru nodded slowly, “Yes. She did.”

Akari smiled softly, but it didn't reach her eyes. They were still full of hurt; even more now after Sesshomaru gave his answer.

“You should remember that Sesshy. Nothing feels better mother's love; and even if she's gone. You still have the memory.”

Akari turned suddenly and started down the path but Sesshomaru stopped her by grabbing her upper arm, “Now answer my question.”

Akari stood still, her head hung slightly and eyes fixed on the ground.

“I was curious.”

“No. It was important to you.”

Akari laughed; but it wasn't her sweet crystal laugh. It was bitter, and it almost sent chills down Sesshomaru's back.

“Important?” her voice sounded hollow, “How do you know what's important to me?”

“Why else would you ask six times, in the same manner without answering my own question?”

“Well you're wrong. Now release me.”

“Look at me Akari.”

“No.”

Sesshomaru's grip on her arm tightened and he pulled her closer, “Do not speak so casually with me” he growled.

“Don't snarl at me!” Akari snapped, but her face remained turned away from his, “I do not fear you.”

Sesshomaru grabbed both of her arms and jerked her around to face him, “Why will you not answer me?”

Akari stared at the ground, “Please let me go Sesshy” she whispered.

Her plea cut at Sesshomaru's heart, but he refused to give in. She always did this. Avoided answering him and she would flee. But not this time. This time, he was getting answer.

“Look at me.”

Akari shook her slowly shook her head.

Very carefully Sesshomaru slid a finger under her chin and lifted her face up towards his. She was crying!

Sesshomaru started to fear she had suddenly become ill.

Akari was standing still; shoulder slumped, face pale and eyes full of tears.

“Aka-”

“She never loved me.”

Blue eyes flickered up to met golden one.

“She never wanted me.”

Sesshomaru loosened his grip on her arm and she slowly moved away. Not towards the castle, but instead to the small tree she loved to read under.

She sat down and leaned against the trunk; her knees pulled up to her chest. Sesshomaru slowly sat down next to her and waited.

The trees gently swayed in the wind and creaked above their heads.

Finally Akari began to speak.

“Dad married Mom just after her 19th birthday and his 25th. She already had a family set in her mind, and nothing was going to change it. She wanted one child. A boy. Maybe for Dad she'd go for two. But they both had to be boys. No girls. Two years after they were married they had my brother. Davis. Mom was happy and said no more. But Dad had grown up an only child, and wanted another one. So they finally agreed to have another. Three years later, on April 2nd, 1966; Alexander Isaac was supposed to be born. But I was born instead. My mother was devastated and refused to hold me.”

Akari set her jaw and tried to keep the tears from spilling.

“It was only after my father practically commanded her that she took me and held me. She wouldn't even name me. So my father did. Amaya Hikari. It was a name to be proud of; it came from my heritage. My legacy. But as I grew up, all I knew was my mother hated it. Hated me.”

Akari angry slapped at a stray tear that ran down her face, leaving a red mark on her pale face.

“I remember-” her voice cracked and she closed her eyes before trying again.

“I remember when I was 10. I had just come home, from a friend's house. I had to walk in the rain because Mom wouldn't come get me and said Dad was still at work. When I got home….I could hear them arguing in the living room. I remember being frightened; my father never raised his voice. But there he as yelling at my mother.”

Akari wiped another tear away, but it did no good. They were falling fast.

“I heard my mom say….she wanted to give me up; for adoption. She didn't want me anymore. Was tried of trying to deal with me. And my father said no. Imagine how quickly my fear of his yelling turned to gratitude and hate for my mother. I didn't want to hear anymore. I knew all I needed. As I lay in my bed that night, I cried myself to sleep.

It was that night I promised to make her as miserable as she had made me, to hate her as much as she hated me. I never…” her voice caught again and Sesshomaru surprised himself by reaching over and putting his arm around her shoulders.

“I promised to never let myself cry…because of her again.”

Akari looked up into Sesshomaru's face, “What did I do wrong?” she whispered.

“What could I have done, that was so terrible….my own mother wouldn't even want to hold me?”

Her lips trembled and she closed her eyes as her tears ran down her face.

Sesshomaru didn't know what to do, what to say. Finally he just pulled her over and held her close to her chest. Akari buried her face as her shoulders began to shake with sobs.

 

A/N: ….cries….Fate hates me….I can't get my brain to work….

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