InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Hindrance ❯ Broken ( Chapter 1 )

Pairings: Sesshomaru x Sango & Sango x Miroku
POV: First person, Sango's

{..Chapter One: Broken..}

He said, "you are the only woman for which... I care for."

It was no secret how I felt about the perverse monk, though I tried my best to hide it. Time after time he would stroke another woman's behind, beseech another bimbo to bare him an heir, or simply shamelessly flirt. Jealousy was written all over my facade, sometimes my dear friends would tell me I appeared as if I was on fire from it. I hated feeling that way but... but I don't know. There was an odd amount of affection that had buried itself deep within me for the man. Why, I simply hadn't a clue. I'd have stopped it if I could, love wasn't something I could afford.

I had endured enough, suffered through the lose of everything, I shouldn't have had to risk another broken heart.

Still, it blinded me. I've done numerous foolish things because of it... constantly putting my life in danger not merely to save his life but to run from our problems. I should have known how all this was going to end after the that Shima girl but he had called me his woman, as if I was the only one in the world that mattered... perhaps it's my fault? If I had given in to his needs then... no. I'm sick of blaming myself for his short comings.

It's him... not me.

Isn't it?

Earlier, all my mind had been focused on was how we were making grand progress. We had most of the shikon no tama and any part we did not have I was certain Naraku did. That had to mean our last battle was finally coming, that I would be able to save my brother and avenge my family. I was eager for both, not a night went by that I did not think of Kohaku. I wonder how he was doing right now… what he is doing.

Probably not as well as we were. Yet again, we had saved a village from a youkai attack. This time we had the good grace of helping the riches family in the entire place so they were ever so eager to repay us with whatever Miroku—my mixed blessing, my once future fiance that brought me joy yet still managed to be the bane of my existence at the same time—could think of as a reward. He was always the best at wiggling what we needed out of those we helped, I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not. He was sort of a thief, even if he was a monk.

But… though I'd never admit it aloud, I loved the man. As much as I hated it and his endless flirtations.

The celebration to honor our so-called good deed was thrown for us that night. It was fun for a bit, I had a cup of sake or two, but my mind was too plagued with what was not there with me. It had been too long since I had seen my brother. It was my silent pain I carried alone, I couldn't take the jolly times and noise nor did I want the food that my comrades Inuyasha and Shippou were stuffing their months with. I excused myself, telling Kagome that I needed to rest, like the sweet friend she was she smiled and wished me a goodnight. For a moment I let happiness take me, I was glad I had met all of them. If only the circumstances were different...

As I walked outside on the porch away from the rumbling ceremony hall towards the room they had allowed me to take for the night I heard a noise, I knew the mumble well. Miroku's voice but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Then there was this low moan, was he hurt? My heart stopped as I ran to where I could hear some thudding, shifting, and another moan from… a female? Was he fighting a demon alone? No, I didn't feel the presence of any, had someone attacked him?

Looking back, I was foolish, I know but I girl could hope...

Fear filled my head as I pulled open the door. Just as my eyes focused in the darkness I felt as if someone had knocked the wind right out of me, I choked and almost fell to my knees but I held onto the door tighter for support instead.

Miroku was not being attacked at all… he was not in trouble… he just—a tear rolled down my cheek as I bit my lips shut—finally found a woman to say yes. He was my betrothed, so what was he doing asking that question still? But there in front of me was a woman that would bare his child. And that someone wasn't me. I couldn't, can't you see? I'd risk losing Kohaku forever and not witnessing Naraku being destroyed. If he could only wait until after that I would have. I wanted a family to replace the one I had lost, I had told him that... but he apparently couldn't wait. Did he not have faith in me? I swore I would kill Naraku before he perished from his wind tunnel... how could I do this to me?

... Why wasn't I surprised?

I wanted to look away, to shut my eyes, but I couldn't. I just watched as his toned body made the woman cry out in passion once more. No, no, no, he was a pervert and would hit on any pretty woman that came his way but he would never… cheat. Was it even cheating? Were we ever truly together? Not once had I allowed him to have me like that, was that why he did this? Because I said 'no' too much? Could he not wait until Naraku was gone? Until we wed?

"Miroku!" I screamed while all the pain that swelled up in my chest to migrate up to choke me as sobs got stuck in my throat.

He had to moan once more before he opened his eyes and looked to me, his baffled, wide, shocked but he did not let a peep out as he parted his lips.

"I never want to see you again!" I finally closed my eyes—just barely could I see him look down to the woman he was pleasing below him—as tears trickled down each side of my face. I slammed the door shut and ran as fast as my feet could take me, as my hands gripped to my hiraikotsu, I ran and ran and ran. Into the forest, through it, dodging trees and roots with my tear blurred vision, it was hard to breath. I had to gasp for air when I reached the middle of it, the darkest place, I tripped over a root I did not see. I could feel a sting—a different one that consumed me beating chamber—scrape up my knees.

"Miroku," I grabbed my throat, I felt like I could not breathe anymore, so I gasped harder for air as I talked to nothing but the night that surrounded me. "How could you?"

I wouldn't go back there. I didn't care if the rest were my friends I'd do everything to stay away from him. I would do anything to make this stabbing, aching, suffocating pain cease! It was not fair, why had I fallen for such a man? Did I not have to suffer enough from losing my friends, family, village, brother?

Why did he have to do this from me, too?

"I hate you!" I let all my feelings in to my cry as I fell to the ground completely.

That was the first night since my brother was taken from me that I cried myself to sleep not for what I had lost for what I was certain forever, but for the sake of the heart I had tried so hard not to become broken.

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