InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ His Little Girl ❯ Say It Out Loud ( Chapter 39 )

 

 

Sesshoumaru raced through the woods, all thoughts of flying long since gone as he had changed into his inu form shortly after leaving the company of the others. A few twigs had collected in his silvery fur that had grown matted on the underside of his paws and tail from running so fast. All he could think of was getting to his mate as fast as he could. He hadn't even thought before about the possibility of Kagome blaming herself for the attacks.

 

How the hell could she think she had been at fault?! It wasn't her fault! Didn't she know that? He thought about what Kashu said that sometimes the female victims see the attack in the same light as if they had had an affair. He let loose a wild roar as he ran forward and snapped a tree in half in his powerful jaws and put his head down running headlong into another and ripping it from its roots, throwing the old oak over his head and through the air.

 

Restoring his honor! That part bothered him the most of any of it. Not only did she think it was her fault, but she was convinced that she had dishonored him. Her earlier attitude made more sense now. She wasn't wearing the silk kimonos anymore because she thought she wasn't worthy of them. Damnit she was worthy of far more than silk! He'd have her kimonos made of gold thread and decorated with precious metals and jade powder.

 

He was on top of the hill over looking Kaede's village when he stopped. He stood panting, his head hanging down between his front paws as he tried to regain control of his emotions and calm his breathing. It would do no good at all to go in and see her if he was nothing more than a wild animal. He raised his nose in the air and took a few good whiffs of the fall breeze. His golden red gaze settled on Kaede's hut. She was inside, his mate was there.

 

He continued on down into the village in his inu form and settled down in front of the hut, still not calm enough to turn back into his humanoid form yet. He laid down on the earth and rested his head between his front legs. He heard low growls from inside the hut but made no move to answer them. His running had taken a lot out of him, mostly because he was calming down from the raging storm of emotions that had spurred him to run so fast. It had taken Kouga, with the jewel shards in his legs four hours to reach the Western Lands from here; it had only taken Sesshoumaru just under two.

 

His big eyes began drooping and finally fell closed. He hadn't slept or stopped searching at all since Kagome had run from their room two days before and he was tired. His ears twitched as he heard someone move from within the hut and heard a soft gasp and a whisper of his name. Kagome had exited the hut. He raised his head and looked at her with tired golden eyes, now it wasn't a matter of calming down to turn back into his humanoid form, now it was a matter of not having the energy to do so.

 

Kagome moved slowly to stand in front of his front paws and looked at him silently, her eyes filled with hesitant fear. Would he kill her now she wondered. Had he come to take his honor back by killing her? Or perhaps worse, perhaps he had decided that he no longer wished for her to be the one to bear his heir. Tears slipped unnoticed from her eyes as the filled with sorrow. It was no more than she deserved she thought.

 

Kagome kneeled in front of him and sat down with her legs tucked under her. She bent closer to his mouth and put her head down as though expecting a killing blow. She was offering her life to be taken by him! His big head snapped up at the realization and he truly realized then just how deep her feelings went. He tucked his big wet nose under her hair and nudged at her face and chin until she was looking up at him again. His eyes met hers for a moment and then his tongue came out to wash the tears from her face, all the while her two wolf companions standing near and ready to jump in to defend their mistress if need be.

 

He stretched his head and neck out and turned his head around behind her, scooting her into the space between his big paws. Once she had moved where he wanted her to, he waited until she sat against near his shoulder with her legs out in front of her. He then laid his head down over her legs, his fur tickling whatever skin was exposed. He whined softly, happy to have her in his embrace once more. Closing his eyes he fell asleep to the feel of her stroking the fur of his leg and neck.

 

Kaede returned to her hut after tending to a sick villager nearly an hour later and was met with the sight of Kagome sleeping in the paws of a great youkai inu. She recognized the youkai immediately for who it was.

 

“I was wondering when ye would arrive Sesshoumaru-sama,” she said softly. “I'll trust her to your care.” She walked inside her hut and settled down for an afternoon nap. There was no concern of danger with him near. No one would dare threaten the village with him in it.

 

It was nearing sunset when Sesshoumaru finally awoke. The first ribbons of color were lighting the sky and he looked to his mate, sleeping peacefully in his embrace. His eyes smiled softly as he carefully moved from around her and stood off to the side as he changed into his humanoid form. He walked back to her, his silk kimono ruffling in the soft breeze. He walked to her and lifted Kagome into his arms and carried her to the Goshinkobu tree. He leapt into a branch high in the tree and held her in his arms as he sat on the branch.

 

For hours he just sat there in the darkness watching her sleep. He held her so that her legs hung across his lap and her side was tucked into his chest, her head resting upon his shoulder. He kissed her brow and then kissed her closed eyes. His lips traveled over her face and down to her mating mark and he purred as he lapped his tongue over the silvery scar. He longed to remark her, to sink his fangs into her neck, to let her know through reaffirming his mark on her flesh that he would always be at her side no matter what.

 

He felt her shiver in his arms and thought her to be cold from the slight breeze that had been blowing since before sunset. He loosed one arm from around her and opened his haori and wrapped her inside of it with him. Kagome awoke slowly, a yawn pushing itself from her and Sesshoumaru smiled down at the woman in his arms. She was so cute when she yawned. She jerked in his arms when she noticed how high up she was and he held her tighter.

 

“Shh. Your safe my mate,” he spoke softly his voice low and soothing. “I have you.”

 

“S-Sesshoumaru?” she questioned and looked up into his golden eyes. So sleeping beside that large white dog wasn't a dream.

 

“No it most certainly wasn't,” he said and smiled gently at her when she became aware that she'd spoken her thought aloud. He brought his face slowly to hers and kissed her softly, gentling coaxing her into responding. He broke off after a moment and kissed her brow.

 

“I…I don't understand,” she said softly and looked down at her hands.

 

With a gentle hand he tipped her face back up to his. “I love you Kagome Higurashi. I love you my mate.” He could see the disbelief and self recrimination in her blue grey eyes. “I love you,” he repeated, keeping his voice low and soothing. He kept repeating those three words like a mantra to her until tears slipped down her cheeks and he could see in her eyes that she finally believed him. “I love you so much koishii,” he said softly and wrapped her in his arms tighter as though afraid she would disappear if he let go.

 

He rocked her gently on the wide strong branch as he held her and let her cry. After nearly twenty minutes her tears slowed and finally stopped and she rested against his chest. A yawn broke free of her again and it was apparent that she hadn't been sleeping well since before she left him. He smiled softly and held her close to him as he leaned back against the trunk of the old sacred tree.

 

“Sleep now koishii. I won't leave you.”

 

Kagome rested against his chest and gently fell into the first dreamless sleep she'd had since the second attack Hojou had visited upon her. Sesshoumaru pulled her closer still and rested his cheek on her hair as he too fell into a light slumber, deep enough for a peaceful sleep, but not too deep as to miss any dangers that might befall them.

 

He woke early, just in time to see the last ribbons of sunrise brighten into clear blue skies as the sun rose into its heavenly perch among the fluffy clouds. He held Kagome tightly in his arms and leapt from the tree. His feet touched the grassy earth softly with grace befitting of his youkai nature. He carried his love into a grassy flower covered clearing deep in his brother's forest. He stopped near a mild hot spring and sat down in the grass holding her in his lap wrapped in his arms. There he waited and watched her as she slept for two more hours.

 

Kagome woke to see golden eyes looking down upon her with a loving and soft air. As though he were looking upon a fragile butterfly just beginning its rebirth from its cocoon. Upon seeing her awake, Sesshoumaru kissed her brow and then her lips softly. Nothing more than a soft touch of love, nothing asked in return. When she began to move he helped her to stand as he stood up beside her. He turned and looked at the hot spring, her eyes following.

 

“Would you like to bathe?” he asked and something in her eyes let him know he'd said the wrong thing. But she'd always found such great pleasure at the prospect of bathing, why now did it torment her so?

 

He can still smell Hojou on me, he can still smell my betrayal, she thought and it was then that the morning sickness associated with pregnancy reared its ugly head. She sprinted away from him to kneel behind a nearby bush and threw up the small bit of stew that Kaede had managed to get her to eat the day before. Sesshoumaru kneeled behind her and held her hair back out of her face as he stroked her back lovingly and whispered soft endearments and words of comfort to her.

 

She blushed as she pulled back, her stomach finally settling down and moved to the small pool on the edge of the hot spring to wash her face and rinse her mouth. She stood and stayed silent, her eyes fixed upon the ground as he came near.

 

Sesshoumaru came forward and wrapped her in his arms in a comfortable hold and stroked her long dark hair. “We should get back to the castle,” he said and she pulled away shaking her head no. “Why not? Why won't you return with me? You are the Lady of the Western Lands.”

 

“I-I shouldn't be,” she said as tears pricked her eyes. She'd already cried so much but the tears just kept renewing themselves.

 

“You shouldn't be what?” he asked carefully, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

 

“The Lady.”

 

“Why not?” he pressed further.

 

“I don't deserve to be,” she whispered painfully her head hung low.

 

“Why not?”

 

“You know why not,” she said as tears slipped down her cheeks.

 

“Tell me again. Tell me why Kagome,” he pressed on and knew that no matter how much this was hurting him, it was hurting her far worse.

 

“Because…I…”

 

“You what?” he asked when she trailed off.

 

“I was…”

 

“You were what?” his voice remained soft and low as he pushed her further for an answer.

 

“I was…unfaithful…”

 

“Why do you say that?” he asked though everything in him begged him not to. He didn't want to hear anymore but he knew he had to, if only for her, and he would do anything for her.

 

“Hojou…he…I…I let him…I was unfaithful with him,” she wept.

 

“Did you want to lay with him?” he asked as he fought to hold back his own tears. Kami Kagome, how long have you felt this way? How long have you blamed yourself?

 

Her head snapped up as her eyes plead desperately for him to believe her. “No! No! I…I didn't want to. I swear Sesshoumaru I didn't want to!” she cried and fell to her knees.

 

Sesshoumaru rushed forward and sat on his legs before her. He took her face in his hands and lifted it to his but her eyes were still downcast.

 

“Look at me koi, please look at me.” She looked up and he wiped at her tears with the pads of his thumbs. “If you didn't want to, than why did you?” he had to get her to say it, to admit it.

 

Her eyes grew wide and frightened, “I…he…he wouldn't…he wouldn't stop!” she cried.

 

“What did he do?” he asked carefully.

 

“He…he wouldn't stop…I said no…he wouldn't stop…” tears were streaming quickly down her face. He was closer now, she was closer now.

 

“Say it Kagome…Tell me what he did.”

 

“He…he…he ra-…he raped me…Oh kami he raped me! Why?!” she screamed through her tears. “What did I do? What did I do?”

 

“Nothing,” he growled and then silenced his growls. “It wasn't your fault. It was not your fault.”

 

“He raped me,” she sobbed rocking back and forth. “He raped me. I didn't want to,” she cried looking into his eyes as her tears continued to fall. “I said no, I said no. I didn't want to, but he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't he stop?”

 

Sesshoumaru pulled her into a tight embrace and held her, rocking her as she cried her grief, as she finally admitted to herself what had truly happened. The hardest part was over now, she said it out loud, she admitted to him and to herself that she was raped. She could heal now.

 

“Shhh,” he whispered to her. “I'm here koi, I'm here. I'll take care of you I promise. You are my mate and I love you. You are my mate.”

 

Sesshoumaru sat there holding her in his arms and rocking her, moving slightly so that he was sitting cross legged and held her in his lap. He kissed her hair and stroked the ebony locks as she sobbed. He held her securely in his arms and let her cry her grief. It was near midday when she finally stopped crying and just lay against him holding tightly to him, her arms around his neck, her face buried in the crook of his neck, her tears had made his alabaster skin wet.

 

He lifted her into his arms as he stood and walked through the forest.

 

“Where are we going?” her emotionally exhausted voice asked softly.

 

“Home.”

 

“You still want me? You'll still have me?”

 

“Always and forever koishii. Always and forever,” he said as he lifted them into the air upon his youkai cloud, her wolves following them on the ground.