InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Home ❯ Threshold ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

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Summary: An orphaned hanyou who wanted nothing more than a friend, a young girl that just wanted to catch a butterfly, and a chance meeting in a meadow far away from the world that would come to shun them both.

Warnings: OOC, mild sexual content, language, masturbation, mild angstyness?

Miscellanies:

Word Count – 14194
Post Date – August 19, 2013

Note: Quick thank you to each and every person that reviewed the first chapter!!!  The next and likely final update may be a little while longer because I will be working on my other stories for a little while and because of college stuff :|.  

Threshold

Five Years Later

Having lived in a small village her whole life, Kagome didn't think she would ever grow accustomed to the rustle and bustle of busy marketplaces.  As the smell of sweat and human waste wafted to her nose, she cringed and reminded herself to put off coming to the market again for as long as she could.  Thankfully, she knew exactly what she needed to buy today, so at she wouldn’t have to endure wandering in and out of the vendor booths and masses of humans.

She spotted a familiar booth for exotic fruits specially shipped from the Southwestern territories and squeezed her way to the vendor.  “Ten serpent fruit and two fire berry bushes, please.”

The old man running the store turned and gave her a welcoming smile.  “I haven’t seen you in a while, Kagome.  Serpent fruit, I see.  Special occasion?”

“My sixteenth birthday,” Kagome explained and jokingly rolled her eyes in exasperation.  “Mama's going all out.”

“Ah, well don't sound too excited,” he grinned as he picked out her selection.  “Much rather fancy a frolic in the woods for your birthday party?” He teased with a knowing grin, acutely remembering her mother's frustration at the young woman's tendency to simply run off in the mornings and spend all day in the forest by their home.

“Ah, Tasho-sama...If only Mama understood me as well as you do!” Kagome joked as she handed him the money.  “How is Kaede-sama, by the way?”  She asked curiously, recalling the two elders that had recently met and found love of their own.  Last she heard, Tasho-sama was trying to force the obstinately independent woman, who was quite well-known as a mid-wife by her own right, to come live with him.

“Stubborn, as usual,” he responded good-naturedly and gave Kagome a conspiratorial wink.  “But this old man's still got a few tricks up his sleeves.”  

Kagome giggled at his antics and grinned.  “Oh goodness, I will pray for Kaede-sama's sake!”

He passed her the bag of fruit, laughing at her feigned concern.  “Here you are, dear.  Have a great birthday, and don't you pray too hard!”

“Yes, sir!” Kagome beamed, cheered up by the little exchange with her favorite vendor.  “Have a nice day, Tasho-sama!”

“You too, my dear.  Come visit me again soon!” Tasho called back, sending the soon-to-be-sixteen year old a cheeky grin.

“Will do, Tasho-sama!” She called back with a bright smile.

With that, she began the short trek home, her village only a mile away from the busy marketplace.  The well-trodden route took her through the rice fields, and within minutes, she could see the beautiful open world again.  It was always peaceful, making these trips to the larger villages nearby, though actually being in such a crowded was never any fun.

Of course, she rarely made these trips alone, Kagome thought as she felt a familiar tingle at the back of her neck that told her someone was watching her.

Reaching into the bag, Kagome grabbed one of the serpent fruit and tossed it high in the air with all her might, simultaneously calling out, “Inuyasha, you can come out now!  I know you're there!”

Kagome waited for the familiar flash of red streaking through the blue skies and grinned as her ever-present companion landed just a foot in front of her, fruit in hand.

“Inuyasha!”  Letting the bag fall to the floor, Kagome promptly closed the distance between and jumped up to wrap her arms around him.  “I missed you!”

“Keh,” she heard him mutter softly into her hair, his arms falling around her like they always did.  “Silly wench, would have wasted a perfectly good fruit if you were wrong,” he chided softly, but as always, it held no heat.

“I'm never wrong!” She declared haughtily with a giggle as his embrace picked her up off the dirt.  Taking the opportunity to squeeze him tighter, Kagome closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of fresh pine and woods that her friend always carried.  “Oh, I can't believe I haven't seen you in four days! I missed you so much!”  

He didn't say anything in response, but all she needed was the slight tightening of his arms around her to know that he had missed her too.

'Stupid birthday preparations.  Stupid villagers for saying Inuyasha can't stay around.  Stupid Mama for listening to them.'  Kagome mentally ranted.  It felt like every year, the villagers got warier and warier of her best friend – and despite what any stupid villager said, Inuyasha was her best friend – and they begun to pressure her mother into keeping him away from the small community.  'Feh!' She thought, smiling at the very Inuyasha-like mannerism.  'No one's gonna keep me away from him for long.'

With a frown, she suddenly realized what he'd called her earlier.  She was used to the 'term of endearment' by now, but that didn't mean she was happy about it!  Kagome leaned back so she could grab onto one of those fluffy ears she adored and tug him down to eye – or as close to eye level as they could get with him towering over her.  “Wait...hey!  Don't call me wench, you jerk!”  Ignoring his over-exaggerated sound of pain with a roll of her eyes, she set her arms back to her sides to indicate that she wanted to be let down.

With reluctance, Inuyasha loosened his hold and set her gently back on solid ground and picked up the bag to stick the serpent fruit back in.  “Only stupid wenches think they're never wrong,” he retorted belatedly, holding the bag just out of reach when she went to grab it out of his hands.

Blowing a raspberry at Inuyasha, she pouted, but turned her head up snobbishly.  “Puppies shouldn't call their masters 'wenches,'” she warned with a teasing glint in her eye.  He gave her only a seconds warning before he jumped after her for the insult.  Letting out a gleeful laugh, she darted out of his way ran down the path as fast as she could.  They had always played like this back when she was a child, and it had been too long since their last game of chase, she thought, daring a look back at her 'puppy.'  He hadn't moved since his initial leap, and she was immensely glad for the head start.  Of course, even back then, he always caught her in the end, but this at least drew it out a bit longer for her.

“Puppy?!” He called out indignantly, inwardly letting the thrill of the chase build up.  It might have been all playful to her he knew, but he admitted a slightly darker pleasure in the game that had never been there before; something inside him reveled in pursuing her, hearing her heartbeat quicken as she ran, smelling the adrenaline running through her veins, and of course, when he got to her...

Deciding that he had given her enough time, Inuyasha wrapped the handles of the bag around his hand securely, felt the muscles in his legs tightening in preparation, and sprang, savoring Kagome's panicked squeal.  He let her run into the forested area, wanting her to feel safe before he hunted her down.

Kagome dashed into the blanket of trees, hoping that their shroud would protect her just a bit longer.  Inuyasha would be closing in behind her, and she took cover under one of the large folds of a tree root. Soon, she could sense his footsteps nearing her hiding spot, and fast as her heart was beating, she couldn't resist a delighted grin at their play.

“Kagooomeee...” he drawled out tauntingly, the peaked ears atop his head swiveling in the direction of the sound of her breathing.  He could hear her desperately try to slow her breath, as if it would make a difference, he thought cockily.  He always knew where she was.

Slowly, he treaded past one of the trees, pretending as if he couldn't sense her on the other side, burrowing in one of its crevices and likely praying that he didn't notice her.  Her sweet scent danced under his nose as he moved, half-soothing and half-provoking the youkai inside him, and he willed it into submission.  He knew Kagome accepted his youkai side, but that was no reason for him to let it take control, even as tempting as it was to indulge in her scent.

He heard a slight rustle from the other side and grinned.  'Ha.  Thinks she can still get away?'

Using the natural stealth imbued in his body, he crouched silently, partially climbing the tree to get a better view of her trying to escape him.  She was trying to make it to the next tree, looking all around her for a sign of the hanyou.  Of course, had she looked straight up...

Kagome could feel her heart pounding frantically in her chest, as she crept to her next hiding spot.  Inuyasha was nowhere to be seen, but she knew he was somewhere nearby.  Scanning her surroundings for somewhere to hide, the perfect spot came into view.  'There!'  It was a short run, no more than a few meters and she knew she could make it there quietly if she was careful.

Knowing there was no time to lose, Kagome took off for her new destination and had nearly made it there, when a thick arm threw itself across her middle as she leapt for safety.  “Nooo!!!”  She squealed, giggling and struggling desperately in his arms despite the fact that she knew it was futile.

“Gotcha, runt,” he growled into her hair as he wrapped his other arm to control her squirming limbs.  With a laugh of his own, he swung her around so they tumbled to the leaf-cushioned ground, effectively trapping her beneath him.

Seeing no room for escape, she fought even harder, growling at his completely effortless hold, when she suddenly remembered something.  She let out a startled gasp, and he pulled back in concern.

“Oh no!  Inuyasha!  The fruit!”  Kagome cried out, afraid that they had smashed the fruit in their play.

That worry was quickly put to rest as Inuyasha lifted the woven bag with his hand, showing that it was perfectly intact.  “Keh, I'd be more concerned about yourself...wench,” he said with a taunting smirk.  Then, before she could grab the bag, he moved it just out of reach and grinned.  “Nuh-uh, not until you apologize and say that I'm the master here.”  She let out a growl that was about as scary as a newborn kitten and pushed against his chest, twisting her hips so that she could roll over.

“Listen here, mister!”  She started, pressing one hand on his chest to keep him on the floor, though she would be a fool to think that he was being anything but obliging.  “I'm the master here, and there's nothing you can do about it!”  Putting on a haughty smirk, she crossed her arms snobbishly.  When she heard nothing but silence, she cracked an eye open to see Inuyasha's expression and promptly burst out laughing.  His eyebrow was raised in a comical display of extreme skepticism, and darn if it wasn't the funniest thing she'd seen all week.

It reminded her so much of when they had just been children playing tag – though with Inuyasha's speed it was really more like a game of Kagome-runs-around-in-vain-trying-to-escape – and she couldn't help leaning down from her straddled position to give him a hug as she giggled against him.  Where she used to be able to rest her ear on his heart, her newfound height now put her head comfortably at the juncture between his neck and shoulders.  It was an entirely indecent position to be in, but with Inuyasha, stupid things like being a 'proper young lady' didn't matter.  If there was anything she knew, it was that she could be herself around him, slightly clumsy goofball that she was, and he could be himself around her.

She always felt the most soothing warmth flood her, knowing that she was the only person he was ever so open with.  Even when she'd been a little girl, he made her feel like the most special person in the world.  She wasn't stupid.  Despite her efforts when they were younger, none of the other village children ever accepted him.  At first, she rationalized that it must be because he was older than the rest of them.  After all, most kids didn't like playing with someone who was so much more mature, right?  But eventually, she came to learn the bitter truth of the world, the way people discriminated blindly against demons, and when she grew up, she made her choice.  In the end, she and Inuyasha had rejected most of the village children she grew up with as much as they rejected Inuyasha.  'I never needed any of them,' she thought, hugging the warm hanyou beneath her.  'As long as I've got Inuyasha!'

The aforementioned man, however sweet her intentions were, was not sharing in the light mood.  Kagome obviously hadn't realized it, but her yukata had slid up significantly, baring a long, smooth thigh, and Inuyasha could feel an unwelcome heat spreading through him, his imagination having little trouble sliding the clothing off her and picturing her bare form pressed against him.  Inuyasha desperately shook the image out of his head, but it was too late.  A thrumming ache whirred through him, the length between his legs thickening, so enticingly close to Kagome's heat, and Inuyasha cursed his treacherous mind for envisioning what it would feel like to grip her hips and slide into her warmth.

'Fuck!  No, no no.  Kami, not right now,' he begged, trying to force the thoughts out of mind.  If he let things continue as they were now, there was no way he would be able to conceal his body's reaction.

Unfortunately, with the heart-warming thoughts running through her head, she failed to notice Inuyasha's sudden stiffness until she lifted her tilted her head up just the slightest.  His eyes were squeezed shut, so he didn't see the concerned look on her face, or he might have been able to put on a face that would field off her questions.

“Inuyasha?” She asked hesitantly, pulling herself off his chest and looking down at him worriedly.

“Hu - ?” His eyes snapped open when he realized that she'd noticed his momentary distraction, praying that she hadn't seen the reason behind it.  “Oh, uh, it's nothing,” he hastily waved off her concern and moved to sit up.

Playfully narrowing her eyes at him, Kagome pushed him down and demanded, “Nuh-uh, you're not getting out of this that easily.”  

However, it seemed the light mood wasn't shared, as Inuyasha quickly sat up anyway.  “K-Kagome, not now,” he said, anxiety rolling off him in waves.  

Taken aback, Kagome let him up, watching as he stood hurriedly and handed her the bag of fruit.  'Wha...?'  If it weren't for his complete shift in mood, Kagome would have insisted on figuring out what the problem was.  As it was, she could only watch in confusion.  What had happened between now and just a few seconds ago?  She pushed herself back to her feet, unable to keep from feeling dejected at what seemed like a sort of rejection from Inuyasha.

“Your – uh – yukata,” Inuyasha stammered out, pointing quickly at her clothing which had twisted to the side and lifted up, leaving a long thigh exposed.

Flushing bright red, Kagome stuttered out something in response, embarrassed at her indecency, and hurriedly straightened her yukata.  Inuyasha stood off to the side, very obviously looking anywhere but her, and only turned back in her direction when she signaled that she was done.

“We – I guess – um – we should start heading back,” he stammered out, turning back to the edge of the forest and waving her to the main path again.

Kagome obliged but looked down at the ground in confusion, still trying to make sense of what had just happened.  'I'll just ask him,' she thought, jogging to catch up to him.  They'd always been honest with each other.

“Inuyasha?” That got his attention again, but she noticed that he looked a lot more flushed than normal.  “Are you okay?”  She gently grabbed onto his forearm, pausing them mid-step, and her brows furrowed at the incredibly tenseness of his muscles.  What in the world was wrong?

Inuyasha could barely look her in the eyes and shifted his legs nervously, hoping with all his might that she wouldn't notice the subtle bulge at the front of his hakama, and that if she had, she wouldn't understand what it meant.  Fuck, he couldn't even imagine her reaction if she did.

“I – I'm fine,” he said, though Kagome didn't believe it.  

With a confused frown, Kagome sighed and gave in.  They walked back to the last line of trees and found the main path once more when Inuyasha finally spoke up.

“Do you wanna climb on so we can get back faster?” He pointed to his back, meaning for her to get on like she usually did when they travelled long distances.

Giving him a small smile, she nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, relishing the familiar contact.  Once he had her secured, he took off at a slow jog (well, it was a slow jog to him).  Kagome breathed a content sigh as she rest her check against his shoulder, glad that he seemed fairly normal.  For the briefest moment, she had thought that he was shying away from touching her, but she couldn't understand why.  'Well, at least I know that's not what the problem was,' she thought as she tightened her legs around his torso to get a better hold.  'I'll just ask him again when we get back,' she decided, never one to leave anything between them unsettled.

They soared through the air together as he ran down the empty roads back to her small village, and far sooner than she hoped, her home came into view.  Unfortunately, something else came into view.

'Kintaro.'  Inuyasha thought, his mood souring at the sight of the young teen and his friend, another boy from the village.  Kintaro was the rude, insolent and blatantly prejudiced son of Ichiro, the same man who had tried to kick him out of the village the day he met Kagome...and the man that had done everything he could to make Inuyasha's life miserable since then.  'Feh.  The apple never falls far,' Inuyasha thought cynically.  

The boys were watching – more glaring – at Inuyasha and Kagome from a safe distance as the two arrived at Kagome's home.  Against his will, his ears began to pick up their conversation.

“When do you think Kagome's going to shake off the half-breed?” He heard the friend ask.  “No one's going to want her if she's around him all the time.”

“I don't know, but if my father has anything to say about it, it's going to be soon,” Kintaro responded confidently.  “We've let the monster hang around us for long enough.”

Withholding an angered growl, Inuyasha let Kagome slide down without a word.  Her eyes were also fixed on the boys, and Inuyasha frowned at the way her gaze fell to the ground in nervousness...shame?...he didn't know what, but whatever it was, he didn't like it.  She would not have been able to hear their cruel words, and for that he was grateful.  She probably got enough of their shit as it was without him there.

“Hey,” he called her attention back to him, “you want me to go...” he paused to crack his knuckles, “...have a chat with them?”

That brought a much-welcomed smile to her face that quickly dissolved into a small laugh.  “That's okay.  I think having to be around each other is punishment enough,” she whispered conspiratorially with a twinkle in her eyes.

Before he could ask if she was sure she didn't want him to intimately acquaint them with his fists, a voice drew their attention back to Kagome's house.

“Kagome!  There you are!”  

Her mother came running out of their house, gesturing wildly.  “Hurry!  We're already behind schedule!”

“Calm down, Mama.  It's not a big deal,” Kagome rolled her eyes at her mother's frenzy.  It was just another birthday, nothing to stress over.  Plus, because her mother had invited so many of the villagers, she knew that Inuyasha, the only person she actually wanted there, wouldn't be welcome.

“Yes it is!” Her mother insisted, taking the bag of fruit from Kagome's hands and pulling her back to the house.  When she met the slightest resistance, she looked up and traced Kagome's arm back to Inuyasha.  “Inuyasha,” she said with shock, as if just realizing he was there.

“I – uh – just wanted to say bye real fast,” he explained, awkwardly gesturing to Kagome.  He cringed inwardly at the raised brow Mai sent him.  

It hadn't always been like this with Kagome's mother, but things weren't as nice as they used to be.  Twelve years changed a lot.  Of course, Mai never outright said anything mean or unwelcoming to him, but through the years, she had turned from motherly to merely polite and even occasionally disapproving of Kagome's relationship with him.

“Okay,” she agreed, releasing Kagome.  “But just a minute.  Kagome and I need to get back to work, especially because you were so late,” she turned back to give her daughter a strict look, clearly meaning that she was not happy with her lack of punctuality.

“Fine, fine,” Kagome waved her off.

The two watched as Kagome's mother hurried off before Kagome turned back to face Inuyasha, offering him a sad smile.  “I wish you could come.”  She could tell he was still tensed about whatever was bugging him, and could only hope that it wasn't because of the stupid party.

“Keh.  I don't,” he scoffed.  At her confused expression, he elaborated.  “I don't wanna be around those idiots and neither do you.”  In fact, he was only barely managing to tune out and ignore the shit he could hear from the boys.

She looked down at the ground at his words, but had to admit there was certainly truth in them.  If it weren't for her mother's insistence that she try to socialize more with the other villagers, she wouldn't have bothered with a birthday celebration at all.

“I know,” she sighed unhappily.

It was unfair.  Considering that this was the one day she was essentially supposed to celebrate herself, she wasn't getting to be with anyone she really wanted – aside from her mother, of course, and maybe two or three of her closer friends.  She might not have the serious blemish of being born a hanyou that Inuyasha did, but in the villagers' eyes, she was worth shunning just by association.  Why in the world would she want to spend today with them?

“Hey,” Inuyasha called her attention back to him.  “Cheer up for them when you go back or they'll get all pissy,” he commanded with a half-grin, clearly trying to bring her out of her mood.  “'Sides, I can wait for you tonight, after they all leave.”

“You will?!  Can I stay out with you tonight?!”

When he gave a short nod, Kagome squealed in excitement and pulled him into a quick hug.  The day didn't seem so bleak anymore.  “Thank you! Thank you!”  However, before he could return it, she was off, bouncing and running back to her house with the energy of a energized rabbit.

Tossing him a brilliant smile, she turned back only the slightest moment to call out, “I'll see you later!”  

With that, she disappeared into her house, and Inuyasha was left watching the reed mat flutter at the entrance.

When she was gone, Inuyasha felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand and turned to face Kintaro and the other boy – he'd never cared to learn his name.  The glare they sent his way was much more obvious, and this time, Inuyasha didn't bother hiding his own.  'Stupid shits,' he thought.  Maybe it was just from the heated blood pumping through him, but he wanted nothing more than to go up to them and challenge the cowards.  The only thing stopping him was knowing that nothing good would come of it '...other than knocking in some heads that deserve it.'

However, for once, Inuyasha was glad that the humans were genuinely afraid of him, as glaring was all he needed for them to break eye contact and turn away.  He watched them meander off back into the village farmlands and took a deep breath.

'Great, now to take care of another matter,' he thought to himself in frustration.  He took a final glance at their home, feeling almost wistful at the sound of conversation inside, before shaking his head and taking off into the forest.

When he reached a familiar, secluded area, he considered scaling one of the towering trees.  'No, that's a bad idea.'  He didn't want to risk falling out when he reached that part.  

Naturally, he always reminded himself that he shouldn't even be doing this to begin with, but he knew he wouldn't be able to resist for much longer.  It might make him hate himself later, but at least he would have enough control around her when he got her tonight, he justified.  The experience in the woods was still burned in his mind.  Most days he didn't have a problem keeping control or all he needed was a quick dip in cold waters, but today was different.  

Inuyasha could recall the exact moment he lost himself in the sight of Kagome straddling him in all her bossy glory.  Even then, he thought he had his reaction under control, until she unexpectedly embraced him.  'I swear that girl is going to kill me one day,' he thought with chagrin at what he was forced to do to relieve the painful ache.  He should have never let her bait him into that today.  After all, it had been over a month since the last time he had relieved himself...even looking into her eyes could have set him off.  

And to think that he felt proud for holding out so long, Inuyasha thought.  At least it meant this wouldn't take long.

Inuyasha made his way to a small, leaf-padded cranny on the nearby river banks.  It would have to do, he thought as he dropped to his knees so he would be blocked by the boulder at his side.

With a final glance around to make sure he had his privacy, Inuyasha untied his hakama and let it bunch by his knees.  He always felt like shit when he did this, but he found his hand reaching downward anyway and giving his swollen length an eager tug...and another...and another, until he found a steady rhythm.  Then, as if a tidal wave of sensation flooded him, Inuyasha slouched against the boulder, taking long breaths and resting his head against his unoccupied arm.

'Fuuckk...' He mentally groaned as the forbidden pleasure seared him, his hand jerking the meat between his legs, using the clear liquid leaking from the tip as lubricant.  Sometimes he wondered why the kami would make something so dirty feel so good.

As he slowly sped up, like every time before, Inuyasha found a certain girl's face appearing beneath his lids no matter how hard he tried to prevent it.

As quickly as he blinked, Kagome stood before him.  

She was smiling at him in that beautiful, innocent way she always did.  In his mind, he could see her so clearly, a loose robe draped over her shoulders, just barely covering her body.  She walked towards him, swaying so that the cloth would swing to the side, giving him the briefest glance at creamy skin he was aching to touch before gravity stole it away.

She reached him, kneeling with a smile on her lips, and asked shyly, “Can I?”

Never sure what to say, even in his illicit fantasies, Inuyasha nodded at the question he had played in his imagination dozens of times.  With a soft, inviting smile, she reached forward and began to stroke his hardened length.  Letting out a heady moan, Inuyasha envisioned what it would look like, her smooth hands wrapped around him, massaging the sensitive flesh.

He felt her lips gently kiss his neck and groaned at the delicate touch, tilting his head back to encourage her.  She leaned forward, laving his collarbone with her attentions, and let her unwrapped robe fall to the side.  And suddenly, she was pressed against him, her silky skin dancing across his chest.  It was like her hands were everywhere at once, smoothing over his arms, caressing his cheek, grazing his length, massaging his ears, and tangling themselves in his hair.

In his dream, he opened his eyes and saw her staring back at him.  She stretched up to whisper his name into his ear, scarcely loud enough for him to hear, but it rattled him straight to his core nonetheless.  Her lips kissed their way down to his, meeting them in a frenzied yet tender kiss.

'I love you,' he wanted to say, but couldn't find the words.  She kissed him, their tongues tangling and exploring each other as thoroughly as possible.

He took a tremulous breath, filling his starved lungs as the imagined fantasies played out beneath his lids.  By this point, he was too far gone to care about how wrong it was, and he breathed out her name helplessly as the pleasurable throbbing racked his frame.  All he knew in that moment was Kagome.  Sweet, beautiful Kagome who cared for him, played with him, touched him fearlessly, fought for him even when it meant the other children would hate her for it.  Alluring Kagome beneath him, her body and words inviting him in as he filled her over and over again, her mewling cries meeting his ears.  Kagome who laughed with him and held him as they slept in the trees...

As if she could hear his thoughts, she would whisper back, 'I love you.'

That was all it took to hurl Inuyasha over the edge.

“Mghfff...rghh...” He clamped down on his tongue, drawing blood in his attempt to withhold the loud groan that wanted to escape as he convulsed against the side of the rock.  White jets of liquid shot out into the water for what seemed like an eternity, and he took huge gasps as the pleasure threatened to suffocate him.

Slowly, when his body finally began its descent back to earth, his eyes began to open, but Inuyasha squeezed them shut, not willing to let go of the fantasy yet.  

It was this moment that he lived for, those scant seconds after his release where he felt more alive than he could possibly imagine, the brief moment when his guard was lowered enough and his illusion clear enough that he dared to dream that something like his fantasy could actually happen.  That he might one day get to hold Kagome, kiss her, see her in her all her beauty, touch her...he dreamt that she would want him to.  It was a fool's dream, Inuyasha knew, but one that he held onto with every bit of force he had in him...

...until his mind cleared enough for it to remind him that he was a hanyou.  He was dirty, a lowlife monster that had no right to be doing this.

He could feel his cock cease twitching in his hand and cracked his lids open, catching a glimpse of his ample seed from weeks of holding back as it washed away down the slow river bed, but all it did was reinforce his final thought.

'If Kagome knew...' A wave of guilt immediately rippled through him.  He couldn't even finish the thought, shutting his eyes in disgust.  

Kagome loved him.  He was her best friend.  She had said so herself, but this...Inuyasha wasn't sure even Kagome would forgive him for violating her like this.

'And this is a violation,' he fiercely chastised himself.  Sometimes, when he felt particularly harsh, he would ask how he could do this to her, his one friend, the one person that truly trusted him...and the same thoughts that aroused him just seconds earlier almost sickened him with self-hatred.  He roughly yanked his hakama up, tying the knot firmly as though it were a symbolic act, one that meant he wouldn't do this again.  It was a farce, but it made him feel just an inkling better.

“Damn it,” he cursed.  His hands were sticky with the evidence of his filthy act, and he hurriedly washed off any trace of the milky liquid in the water.

When he was clean, Inuyasha wiped his hands dry on his firerat clothing and took off into the trees once more.  He settled comfortably on a high branch and looked off into the sky in the direction of Kagome's house.  The sun had just began to set, painting the remaining sky with the fading embers of its fire.  Inuyasha sighed and looked away.  It would be another hour or so before he could go check on Kagome, and he wasn't sure what to do with the time.

Most days, when he couldn't be with her, he spent his time hunting for food for her and her mother or merely wandering around thinking about her and the next day her mother had allowed for him.  Nowadays, his thoughts ran darker than they used to, and he didn't have much busywork to distract him.

He used to explore the woods when he was younger, fighting out any of the dangerous youkai that encroached, but they were no longer a real threat after so many years, and Inuyasha was rarely willing to go to far from home.  Aside from a small den that he used when it rained – and Kagome usually insisted, regardless of her mother and the other villagers' wishes, that he sleep in the village when it did – he had nowhere to go...but that wasn't really his home either.

Home was...it was wherever Kagome was.  He had realized that years ago, and to this day, it rang true.

Even when they were both just children, he loved her.  Kagome knew it.  He knew it.  Her mother knew it, and though Inuyasha would never give the humans another reason to hate him, they would be idiots if they couldn't see it.  What had changed from those childhood years were the intensity and type of love.  He didn't know when along the way he began to see Kagome in a new light.  Perhaps it was when he hit his teen years.  Or, perhaps it was when Kagome began to change into a woman... 'well...physically...' Inuyasha thought with a furious blush.  All he knew was that one day he saw the sweet little girl that could play tag long enough to wear even him out, and the next...he could hardly look at her without his heart racing uncomfortably fast (though, he supposed, some days she still had so much energy that it exhausted him).

Hell, he could still remember the first time he dreamed about that.  It was a little over a year ago.  He and Kagome had been sleeping up in the trees, and when he had woken up in the middle of the night, a sticky wetness at the crotch of his pants, Inuyasha had nearly died of fright.  Thankfully, Kagome was never too observant when sleepy, and he had managed to hide his crime before she noticed.  

He'd been so utterly horrified at his dreams and the main star in them, that he avoided going to Kagome's village for nearly four weeks.  That had been their longest separation, and the pain hadn't even been worth it.  Being away from Kagome didn't stamp out his dirty desire.  If anything, it only seemed to augment it.  He had been haunted almost nightly with everything he couldn't have.  

And so, nearly desperate for any contact, he had gone back and when he saw Kagome's pain at being left for so long without a word, he swore up and down he would never do that to her again, even if it meant bearing the ache for the rest of his life.  So bear it he did.

It was awful, Inuyasha quickly learned.  Desiring a person with such force and need but not being able to do anything about it.  'I wanted – goddammit, I want her so bad it hurts,' he thought, looking down in shame.  It hurt, but he did what he had to do to hide it.  He had no right to be thinking about her like that, friends or not.  

Despite what he wanted, Inuyasha had no illusions about the future.  Kagome would eventually find a husband amongst one of the humans in her village or one from a neighboring village.  She was after all, sixteen today, and most girls began looking for a husband around that age, and he would have to accept that.

Nonetheless, even saying the words felt like twisting a knife in his chest.  Inuyasha swallowed the painful thought, determined to beat it into his head that no matter what he wanted, the type of love he had for Kagome would never bear any fruit.  Even on the tiny off-chance that she felt the same, the villagers would never accept it.  She would be kicked out, would lose everyone she ever loved or knew...perhaps even her mother.

'But gods...it hurts to think about her with anyone else.'  He clenched his teeth, the image of Kagome sharing herself with some human man the way he found himself yearning for her, tormenting him.  He would get to kiss her the way Inuyasha desperately longed to, to hold her at night and smell her intoxicating scent, to hear her say that she loved him...  'Damn it,' Inuyasha cursed, futilely willing away the pain that had welled in his chest. Would he even be allowed in her life after she married?  Kagome was beautiful and would have no trouble finding a human suitor.  No...her only real blemish was him.  No doubt her husband would be none too pleased at the idea of another male around her all the time, much less a hanyou.  

So...he might just lose her completely.

'Fuck!' He cursed in anguish, his claws digging deep indents in the rough bark.  'It's not fair...' he grieved, wishing more than anything that he hadn't been born what he was.  How that hell was it fair that he would never have what he wanted more than anything in the world, the only thing he really had, because he'd been born tainted.  He provided for her, protected her – and along with that the other villagers - spent every moment he could trying to make her happy...he loved her more than she could possibly comprehend...but none of that mattered to the humans because he had demon-tainted blood.  What crime must he have committed in a past life to be born cursed, rejected and scorned for the rest of his life?

Perhaps it was the gift of youth that buried his old memories, but it had taken him years to remember and understand why his mother had cried so often.  Ignoring the painful lurch in his chest, Inuyasha pulled his legs up slightly, crossing them beneath him.  He avoided thinking about her too often, hating the way his eyes welled up uncontrollably at her memory.  Now, the images in his head seemed to blur into one, but he could recall bits and pieces that he was sure his youth had blinded him to when she was alive.  Mama crying at night when she held him in her bed.  Her whispered words of assurance that she loved him, that his father loved him even though he was gone.  Mama telling him he was beautiful, he was special.  'She knew...she knew that it would be that way for the rest of my life.'  Her words were hard to believe.  'Except...when I'm with Kagome.'

Try as he did to resist, Inuyasha found himself looking back in her direction, his eyes knowing exactly where she would be even through all the foliage.  Was she having fun...enjoying the company of all those humans...without him, he found himself asking wistfully before he shook the stupid question out of mind.  There was no point tormenting himself like that.

'I'll have Kagome tonight,' he reminded himself tiredly, looking back into the earthy green shadows of the forest.  That was what mattered.

Letting out a wishful sigh, Inuyasha let his lids drop to just a crack, forcing out his gloomy thoughts.  The sky was still light enough that Kagome was still busy with the humans, so he cleared his head as much as he could and allowed a light sleep to take him.

“Oh my gosh, Ayumi!  I can't believe you did that!  What happened afterwards?”

Mai watched with a content smile as her daughter gushed with Ayumi about...something or other...she'd lost track of what they were talking about a long time ago.  Maybe it was a boy the village girl was interested in?  Maybe it was a new kimono?  It was a mystery to her.  'Ah, to be a teenager again,' she thought, shaking her head at Kagome's exuberance.  

Everyone but Ayumi, Kagome's closest friend in the village, had gone home, and so with a tired smile, Mai let her head fall lazily on the back of her chair and tuned out he teens' conversation, utterly exhausted and worn out by all the planning and preparing that went into one party.  'But it was worth it,' she thought.  Anything was worth seeing that beautiful smile on her daughter's face.

Kagome may have made a huge fuss earlier about how she didn't want a 'stupid party,' but Mai knew her daughter, and even Kagome hadn't been able to hide that she enjoyed herself.

Of course, she knew that Kagome wanted nothing more than to have her silver-haired friend beside her, but Mai couldn't allow it.  The most obvious reason was simply that the villagers wouldn't come at all if Inuyasha were there.  Perhaps one...maybe two if they were lucky would come by for the food and offer warm wishes, but even after all these years, they hated and feared the half-demon.  

The second reason, she truly felt awful about, firstly because she lied to her daughter about it, and secondly because...

It wasn't Inuyasha's fault.  'No one decides how they're born,' Mai reminded herself with a heavy sigh.  Nonetheless, she wasn't blind to the way Inuyasha looked at her daughter, and to her guilty distress, the way Kagome was starting to return those looks.  She herself had seen that exact same look, she had felt the love behind it everyday when her husband was alive, but she also knew that for Inuyasha and Kagome, there would be no happy ending to those feelings.  If he were human, she would have been overjoyed at the prospect of Kagome spending her life with a man who obviously adored her and would do anything for her, but the reality was that Inuyasha wasn't human.

Mind lost in thought, Mai traced the wooden walls of her home, the home her husband had presented her with the day they were married...the home she hoped to pass down to Kagome one day.

It was a difficult decision, and one she knew Kagome could never make, so she had to do what was necessary to keep her daughter safe, this time not from the demons that haunted their forests and wild lands but from the same lonely fate that would face the young woman if she chose Inuyasha.  Kagome was her only daughter.  Kagome had already worked up a bit of a 'reputation' for constantly being around Inuyasha, and Mai was nearly at her wit's end trying to kindly let her daughter understand this.  She was protecting her baby girl, Mai justified to herself, especially since Ichiro, who had made no secret of his disgust for their association with the hanyou, would be stepping up as village headman after their current head Mako passed away, and given Mako's age, that day looked sooner rather than later.  

Yet, even still, she felt pangs of guilt and remorse every step she took away from Inuyasha and every step she pulled Kagome along on with her.  

'He was just a boy when we found him...orphaned and abandoned.'  Those days, he'd looked at her almost like a second mother, and she had eagerly treated him like a son, but it would have never lasted.  Ichiro was not the only one amongst the villagers that turned against her and Kagome when it became clear that the “little half-breed beast” was staying...It was only a combination of fear of the 'monstrous abomination,' Mako's word, and respect for her and her daughter that kept them on a leash.

'So I kicked him out of our home,' she thought with a pained wince, remembering the look on the boy's face the day she told him he couldn't live with them anymore...not to mention Kagome's reaction.  The young Kagome had been furious enough to sneak out at midnight that very day and somehow managed to find Inuyasha in the woods.  She was gone for nearly two weeks, until her mother was sick with worry, and when she came back, it was with an ultimatum: Inuyasha stayed or she left.  It was with a sense of humor that Mai looked back on the image; a six year old girl demanding that her best friend stay with her – her daughter always did have a flare for drama – but something told her that the little girl with messy pigtails (Inuyasha's work she guessed) and a dire need for a bath was dead serious.

In the end, it was Inuyasha that suggested he only visit them every few days and that he bring the occasional deer or wild animal he hunted to the villagers as a sort of peace offering.  And so, everyone found something that they could be somewhat satisfied with, except perhaps Ichiro who wanted the boy dead.  After that, there had been no going back in her relationship with Inuyasha.

A soft tapping at her shoulder shook her from her reverie, and Mai looked up in mild surprise at the young woman standing beside her.

“Higurashi-sama,” Ayumi bowed respectfully.  “I wanted to thank you for hosting such a wonderful birthday celebration and inviting me.”

“Of course, Ayumi-chan.  You're always welcome in our home.”  Standing up from her seat, she gave a motherly hug to the sweet girl.  “I'm happy you enjoyed yourself tonight.”

“Come on, Ayumi,” Kagome chirped in.  “I have one more thing I want to show you before you leave.”

Ayumi gave a quick wave to the older woman and turned back to her friend.

Mai let her go, a soft smile lighting her face.  Ayumi was one of the kindest people in their small village, and though occasionally wary around Inuyasha, Mai could see that she harbored no genuine ill will toward the hanyou.  'Is it hypocritical of me to admire that?' She wondered.

Shaking her head, she waited for the girls to finish before waving the guest off.

Kagome turned back, a genuine smile on her lips.  “I know I made a fuss earlier, but this was really fun,” Kagome admitted.  Yes, she would have loved if Inuyasha could come, but in retrospect, she supposed she understood why her mother hadn't allowed it.  She ran up to her tired mother and pulled her into a hug.  “Thanks, Mama.  You're the best.”

Mai let out a chuckle.  “Oh dear, just remember that when we're cleaning up the mess.”

With a sigh, Kagome nodded.  “Time to get to work, I guess?”

“Don't be so glum about it.”  She smoothed a hand down Kagome's black locks.  “With the two of us, we'll be done in no time.”

Infused with a slightly more upbeat attitude, the two set about cleaning up and tidying their home to restore it to its previous standard.

“Ahhh...”  Kagome sighed happily, eagerly leaning back on a chair.  “Finally!”

Sporting a similar smile on her own face, Mai set down the last of the bowls for drying.  “You going to bed soon, dear?”

“No, Mama.  Inuyasha says I can go with him tonight, so I'm going to wait for him to come pick me up.”

Mai frowned.  “You're going to see Inuyasha tonight?”

“Yes, Mama.”  Turning around to face her mother, Kagome gave her the best puppy dog pout she could muster.  “Pleeeeaase!  It's my birthday and I've barely seen him this month, and I haven't seen him at all the past four days!”

The older woman turned away, brushing a stray hair out of sight.  “Kagome...I don't like this.  I know he's your friend, but it does not look good if you go running off with Inuyasha in the night.  It's not...safe,” she explained.  Even Mai couldn't tell whether she meant that a night in the forest or a night in the forest with Inuyasha wasn't safe.  “Can this not wait until tomorrow?”

“No!  Inuyasha said he would come tonight.  You always think it's so dangerous, but Inuyasha wouldn't ever let me get hurt!” Kagome insisted, angered that her mother could doubt him after all this time.  “And who cares what looks good?  Just because everyone else is scared that he's going to kill them in the middle of the night or something equally stupid – ”

“That's not what this is about,” Mai cut in sharply.  

“Then what?” Kagome demanded, feeling her anger rise in response to her mother's harsh tone.  

“You know what it's about, Kagome.”  The older woman turned from the dishes and faced Kagome.  “Some of the others have already started...talking.  And if you keep doing...this - !” She gestured to the door, unable to find the right word for what she meant.  “It will only get worse, Kagome.”

“What could they possibly have to talk about?  I like spending time with Inuyasha, even if they don't.  It's not like that's changed since we were kids!  Besides, it's their fault Inuyasha can't stay with us, so they have nothing to complain about!”

“It still isn't proper for a young lady like you to go off like this!” Mai clenched her fists.  Why, oh why, did her daughter have to inherit her father's stubborn and independent streak?  “I've allowed you more freedom than anyone would ever expect!  Your reputation here is already strained because you're with him all the time.”

“Then who cares?!” Kagome burst out.  “If they have all made up their minds, then why should I bother trying to change them?”

Truthfully, hearing that stung a smidgeon, as she had always done her best to be as polite and generous as she could with the others, but if it were true, then why was she supposed to give up Inuyasha for a bunch of people who had already decided she was some sort of harlot?

“I do!”  Mai yelled back.  “And you should too, Kagome!  You're a grown woman.  You're not a ten year old girl that can go running off for some wild adventure in the forests when she wants, and you need to stop acting like it.  By your age I was engaged and had my life set out!  You have to marry one day and it's about time you started finding someone...have you even thought about that?  Meeting more of the village boys?  Running your own home?  About your future?!  And how will you find a husband if everyone thinks you're...you're - ”  She broke eye contact momentarily, searching for the right words.

“What, mama?” Kagome clenched her jaw, well-aware that she was daring her mother.  “A whore?”

Mai's eyes widened in shock, stunned that her daughter spoke so boldly.  “That's not what I meant – ”

“Yes, it is!  And if you and every guy in this place thinks that's what I am, then I don't care!  I don't want to marry anyone anyway!  Heck, I don't even want to talk to most of them!”  Pivoting away, Kagome began leaving to grab something to wear, having decided that this pointless conversation was over – at least on her end.

“Come back here, Kagome!”  Her mother was not on the same page.  “Be as stubborn as you want, but you can't keep running away into the forest every time you face something you don't want to hear!  What would you do if it was your daughter, huh?!”

“I would listen to her over the prejudiced, gossipy old women who have nothing better to do than to hate someone who's never done a single thing to them!”

Mai threw her hands up in frustration, nearly ready to pull her own hair out.  “Those 'old women' have a point, Kagome!  Do you know what it looks like to have your only daughter run off and...and – cavort with some grown man at night?!  I allow it because I want you to be happy, but you need to stop thinking of only yourself Kagome!”

“Cavorting?!” Kagome nearly sputtered.  “What does that even mean?!  You know Inuyasha and I are talking!  That's all we do! He's the only one I can actually talk to!  All these people are so close-minded and – and – judgmental – you too!”

“Don't you dare, young lady!  Don't you dare try and turn this on me!  What else is everyone supposed to think about a young girl running off to spend a night with a hanyou?  I have let you do this because it's obvious you don't want to listen to reason, but I'm not about to let my daughter look like the town wh – ”  She cut herself off for a moment, stunned at the word she was about to use, before shaking her head and continuing.  “You're a part of this community, and you should be ashamed of yourself for straying so far!” She yelled out angrily, wanting to knock some sense into the girl.

The angry retort to her mother's implication that she had prepared froze mid-tongue, and Kagome's eyes widened at her mother's words.  'Ashamed?'  Somehow, that word felt like more of a punch to her gut then even her mother's poorly concealed accusation.

They remained at a silent juncture, both women trying to come up with what to say next.

“Fine.”  Kagome finally spoke up, feeling surprisingly cool and composed.  “If you think I'm something to be ashamed of...” She paused to take a breath, unsure of where she was going with the sentence.  “...then I guess there's no point in trying with you, either.  I'm going to see Inuyasha.”  Giving her mother a pointed look, Kagome made a split-second decision to throw her mother's words back at her.  “He's not ashamed of me...he doesn't think I'm a whore,” she spat out, “I guess he's all I have left.”

Throwing on the light wrap, Kagome looked away and stormed out the door.  

Perhaps it was the fact that both women could be so bull-headed and temperamental, but things between them lately had an uncanny habit of turning from happy to sour in the span of a few seconds, and it seemed even her birthday wasn't immune.

But as soon as the cool air hit her face and the chilly silence of the outside swim around her, Kagome felt tears well up and subconsciously pulled the wrap tighter.  It seemed almost impossible that just five minutes earlier everything was perfectly happy between them.  'Why does this keep happening?' She asked herself, angrily wiping away a tear that had begun to make its way down her cheek.  She looked back at their house, picturing what her mother was doing inside, and thought for a second about going back in a apologizing.

'I hate leaving after a fight.'

However, the rapid footsteps approaching from the forests told her that the person she'd been waiting to see all afternoon was here.

Quickly wiping away any remaining wetness at her eyes, Kagome turned to face her golden-eyed friend.  “Inuyasha,” she sighed out as she jumped up to hug him.  He could always make her darkest clouds disappear, and even today, Kagome felt the lingering sadness melt away in their embrace.

Inuyasha caught her easily, but frowned when he smelled saltiness in the air.  “What's wrong?”  He pulled her back so he could look her face, taking in her slightly reddened eyes.

Darn.  Of course, he could tell.  “N-nothing,” Kagome quickly assured and gave him a smile.

“Keh.  Wench, you should know by now.”  Inuyasha pointed a finger at his nose, giving her a stern look.  “There's no point in hiding it.”  Something occurred to him, and Inuyasha angrily demanded. “Did one of those stupid villagers hurt you?”

With the smallest sniffle, Kagome rolled her eyes, but only started climbing onto Inuyasha's back, a difficult task considering he towered over her and wasn't about to change that until she told him what she was crying about.

“Please, Inu?” Kagome implored softly, using the little nickname she'd given him as a child.  “I'll tell you about it later,” she promised.

With a grunt in agreement, Inuyasha bent down and let her climb on.  As Kagome settled onto his back, wrapping her arms and legs comfortably around him, Inuyasha gripped her thighs and took off into the night.

Kagome rested her cheek against his back, breathing in the scent of fresh wood and amber leaves that Inuyasha always had.  Her heart beat in rhythm with his long leaps through the air, and she could feel a pleasant warmth spread through her as he brought her somewhere into his forested home.

When she felt him begin to slow, Kagome quickly leaned back and tapped his shoulder to get his attention.  Inuyasha gave her a glance back while maintaining his jog.  “Can we go farther?” She asked.  “To get further away from home?  I just want be with you tonight.  Please?”

Inuyasha's heart skipped a beat, then began pounding erratically in his chest.

Kagome didn't understand.  She didn't understand what she did to him when she looked at him like that, like he was the only one in her world.  She didn't understand that there was no force in the world that would make him say no to her.  

'I just want to be with you.'

Inuyasha swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, trying to regain his senses.  Figuring that this might have something to do with why she was crying, he nodded.

“Sure,” he whispered out, shuddering when Kagome smiled and leaned over his shoulder again so her breath brushed his neck.  With a prayer that she didn't notice his reaction, Inuyasha asked, “W-where do you want to go?”

“I don't know,” Kagome said in a soft sigh.  “What about the little cave a little further?”

'My den?'  Kagome had only been there a few times when the weather was too harsh for her to sleep with him on some high tree branch, but never in a situation where she wanted to go just because.  Frankly, he often felt...inadequate...when he brought her there, as if Kagome would look at the tiny hole in the mountain and realize that he had nothing to offer her after all.

'Not that she's considering what I have to offer her that way,' Inuyasha quickly reminded himself, hating that it had been harder than usual lately to keep his thoughts straight.

“If that's okay with you,” she quickly tagged on when she noticed that he had gone silent.  “I don't want to intrude on your private space.”

“No,” he assured her.  “You're never intruding,” he promised, some foolish and insecure part of him fearing that if she felt that way, she would see him less.  “Yeah, we can go there.”

Securing her again, Inuyasha began the longer run to his den.  A strange mix of excitement and dread raced through him at the strangeness of everything.  'What happened earlier at the party that's making her act like this?'

Kagome was resting quietly on his back, making no noise but the small breaths against his neck, but even if he hadn't smelled her tears earlier, he could sense something was wrong.  Speeding up so that he could get to the den faster, Inuyasha unconsciously tightened his grip on her thighs at the admittedly premature anger he felt towards whomever had upset Kagome.

Soon, he saw the familiar walls of the steep mountainside approaching and stopped at the obscured entrance to the cave-turned-den.  Kagome slid off his back, and waited as Inuyasha pushed aside the mid-sized boulder that covered most of the entrance.  She ducked into the cozy cave that was surprisingly warmer than she expected, and smiled at the small pile of furs and soft blankets – courtesy of Kagome – that padded the floor.  Something about its simplicity and the way Inuyasha's den never really changed always warmed her.

When she heard Inuyasha slide the makeshift door back into place, she looked back over, feeling herself blush for some reason.  'I really hope I'm not intruding,' she worried, biting her lip nervously.  It was one thing for them to seek refuge here when the weather was harsh, but this was the first time she'd asked to come here without any apparent reason.  To be honest, Kagome wasn't sure herself why she wanted to come here tonight instead of opting for their usual routine.  It wasn't at all that she didn't enjoy spending her nights snuggled against the warm, loving hanyou, high up in the trees; it was that she wanted something...different – she still didn't know what – tonight.  Maybe it was just the fight with her mother getting to her, Kagome thought, then proceeded to shake the thoughts out of mind.

Inuyasha watched the emotions float across Kagome's face curiously.  When it seemed apparent that she didn't intend on sharing, at least not without some proper prodding, he plopped down on the floor next to her and leaned back, purposefully giving off as calm an air as possible.  Knowing how stubborn the girl could be, Inuyasha figured that directly asking her would accomplish nothing more than sealing her lips.

'I'll let her come to me,' he thought.  Part of him still felt uncomfortable being the one that initiated contact.  No one else ever touched him, and most made it abundantly clear that they would rather burn off their own limbs than change that.  It didn't matter that Kagome obviously had no problem cuddling up to him; the fact was that any day, she could realize what everyone else had been saying for years, that he was unworthy of being around her...of touching her.

His decision turned out to be the right one, though, as Kagome soon shifted herself so she could half-lean against him, settling them both comfortably against the wall.  With that small movement, the fears that had floated through him seconds before melted away, for the time being.  Inuyasha draped an arm around her, letting himself savor the feel of her soft, warm body against him.  He closed his eyes, subtly breathing in her scent, wishing more than anything in the world that he could pull her closer, lean down and kiss her.  It felt like the chances he had to hold her were growing fewer and farther between, and he hated that.  He knew he had to let go of her one day, but Inuyasha wasn't sure he could handle that day.

Unaware of her friend's thoughts and caught up in her own inner turmoil, Kagome snuggled into his chest, taking refuge in his warmth and the safety she felt in his arms.  Nonetheless, today even that couldn't banish the harrowing thoughts from her mind.

“You should be ashamed of yourself...”

“Do you know what it looks like to have your only daughter run off and...and – cavort with some grown man at night?!”

“You have to marry one day...”

Despite the pressure Kagome had received from nearly all ends, she had managed not to concern herself with the idea of marriage.  After all, she didn't have any need of it.  She and her mother had enough food from their own garden and from what they picked off the forest.  They could pick up the odd job around their village for spare coin, and Kagome had never needed more than she had.  Of course, she thought with a furtive glance at Inuyasha, they hadn't truly done it alone.  Ever since he was big enough that he was the predator and not the prey out in the forests, Inuyasha had supplemented their meals – and the meals of the villagers, though they were loath to admit it – with more than enough meat.  'Though, it wasn't really the meat I needed,' Kagome admitted, snuggling deeper into Inuyasha, with a small smile at her cheesy thought.

No, Kagome had no need nor desire to marry any one of those village boys, especially since none of them got along with Inuyasha, and she would never allow anyone to come between them.  'Not even Mama,' Kagome thought with conviction.  Though, she didn't know where that left her...or Inuyasha.

Kagome had long ago admitted to herself that she had a 'bit' of a crush on her best friend.  Though, she long ago convinced herself it was a silly girl's crush, one that would never be reciprocated by someone who probably saw her as his annoying, runty, little sister.  It used to be something akin to hero worship.  Inuyasha was her big, strong, unbeatable role model.  But in recent years, Kagome could no longer call it that.  He wasn't just big, strong Inuyasha; he was big, strong, handsome, sweet, gruff, loving, tender Inuyasha that she thought about kissing in her dreams, that she wanted curled around her while she slept, that she turned bright red around when it came to the idea of touching him in a more intimate way.

'Course, I'm not even sure what that means,' Kagome admitted with a sigh.  

It was an unfortunate side effect of not having many female friends to 'induct' her into the ways of womanhood that she felt naively ignorant to exactly what she was always blushing about.  What she did know that her mother was partially right on one point: her running off with Inuyasha so they could sleep in the trees together at night certainly looked a lot worse than it was.  Some part of her, deep, deep down wished they were doing something, but Kagome knew that would never be a reality, whether because he wouldn't want the same or because, even with her unorthodox behavior, she knew that sort of thing was forbidden before she was married.

Either way, she ignored her 'crush,' buried her unrequited feelings and resolved to always be as a best friend as she could to Inuyasha, because if nothing else, she loved him and he deserved all that she could give him.

He never gave any hint or sign that he thought of her as more than a little kid, always calling her 'runt' whenever he had the chance, and fretting over her like she was a helpless little girl.  She used to wonder what it would take for him to see her in a different light...as a young woman, but then she remembered that they still came from two different worlds, even if they often forced those worlds to overlap.  What would happen if Inuyasha came to like her like that one day?  It wasn't like she could just abandon her village, her home, her mother...the human world to run off into the forest with him.  She had responsibilities to her mother, to her few friends at the village, and, to an extent, to the village itself that had guarded her and her mother.

Heaving a sigh at her thoughts, Kagome frowned and closed her eyes tiredly.

“You still haven't told me what's wrong.”

Kagome gave a tiny grin, the corners of her mouth barely quirking.  “So the puppy finally speaks,” she teased, knowing that Inuyasha's patience would have never held out for long.  He may have thought he could out-stubborn her, but no one had accomplished such a feat in her sixteen years of life, and that wasn't about to change.

“Keh, I ain't no puppy, kid,” he scoffed, but drew her in closer, nuzzling his nose in her hair like he always did.

“Keh,” Kagome mocked half-heartedly at the insult.  “I do distinctly remember winning this afternoon, when we had this very argument,” she reminded, tilting her head up to grin triumphantly at him.  “You're the puppy, and I'm the master 'round here.”

“I don't think so, wench,” he replied, though she could hear the tiredness in his voice.  Clearly, he wasn't up for banter today, so Kagome stopped and merely looked out the small, branch and leaf covered hole in the entrance to the den that he always left uncovered.

She spent a lot of time wondering what the world was truly like, out there in the wild.  Sometimes, she meant the wild forests; other times, she found herself wondering what the wild world of humans entailed.  Not the safe, clean world that her mother and Inuyasha kept her in, but the dangerous, volatile world of humans, the one that travelers sometimes brought stories of, the one that she would sometimes catch the briefest glimpse of in the marketplace.  She'd been protected her whole life from it, and while she was thankful for that, she wondered if she would be more accepting of the fate her mother had spelled out for her...if she knew some of the greater horrors awaiting her in the real world.

It consumed her thoughts more frequently now, perhaps as a symptom of growing older.

Did she need a husband to protect her?  Her mother had done fine without her father, but that was because she had the whole village too.  Inuyasha taught her as much as her mother would allow about hunting and fighting, but for the most part, his lessons didn't work as well when you were an average human girl since he had always relied on his natural youkai abilities.

Then, there was the matter of what the villagers thought.  Deny it she might, but Kagome knew it did matter what their opinions were, even if she had learned to ignore most of it.  She lived in a tiny village, and everyone knew everything about each other.  It hurt, of course, that apparently they all thought so badly of her, but she supposed she had always known it in her heart.

“Hey, runt, you're not being a chatterbox today and it ain't right,” Inuyasha finally spoke up again, breaking her out of her thoughts.

Kagome threw a lighthearted glare at him.  “Don't call me that!  I'm not a kid anymore, Inu.  Before you know it, I'll be as tall as you,” she declared ambitiously...and it was ambitious, considering he was more than a head taller than her, and much bigger.

“Right, runt.  You keep dreaming,” he bickered back at her before turning her head up to look at him.  “Really, what could possibly be going on in that short head of yours that's keeping you quiet,” he asked, his tone far more serious that his words.  “You promised you would tell me what was wrong, remember?”

“Yeah...”  Kagome sighed.  It was an awkward topic to explain to Inuyasha, firstly because she knew he wouldn't take too well to the idea of her marrying either – in his eyes, none of the human boys were worth a second glance – and secondly because she had the feeling that it would stir up all the more than friendly emotions she had for him, and she didn't want that.  So instead, she started with something different.

“Mmm...Where do you think we'll both be four years from now?” She tilted her head backwards, wanting to look up at his face.

“Uh...”

That hadn't been what he expected.  Still, she was talking and, he hoped, leading him in whatever directions her thoughts had gone.  He tried to come up with an answer, but it felt like one of those questions where he would be wrong no matter what he said.

“I don't know.  I never think that far ahead,” he admitted in a half-truth.  He knew where he wanted to be, but he wasn't about to say that.

“What about six months from now,” Kagome probed, “when the snow comes again?  Or a year...”

Where was she going with this?  Deciding to humor her, Inuyasha shrugged, “We'll do what we always do.”

Kagome fell silent at his answer.  His meaning was obvious enough.

“Why do you ask?”

“Mama,” Kagome started off with a sigh, “she was talking to me earlier about...my future.”

“Yeah...and?”

“She said...it...she wants...” Kagome gave a huff in frustration, feeling an awkwardness and nervousness that she almost never felt around Inuyasha, though that wasn't entirely strange considering she had never talked to him about something like this.  She didn't even know what she was supposed to feel talking about this.  Finally, she just took a deep breath and decided to simply blurt it out.  “Mama thinks...I should start looking for someone...to marry.”  

Kagome cringed inwardly.  Even saying it felt so wrong, but at least it was out there, off her chest, and she just had to wait and see what he thought.

It was impossible for either of them to ignore the way Inuyasha instantly tensed.  

The long ups and downs of his chest were the only thing that kept him from seeming like stone.  Kagome waited anxiously in the tense silence, looking up at him in an attempt to gauge what he was thinking, but his face remained locked forward.

For his part, Inuyasha wasn't sure he could let himself look down at her.  His heart seemed to have stopped for the time being, and his chest ached from the growing pressure.  '…someone to marry,' he repeated her words in his mind, his head feeling too light and numb to process the thought.

The numbness was quick to pass, and he took a heavy breath, barely conscious enough of himself to try and disguise it.  '...someone to marry.'

“Inu?” Kagome's voice sounded like bells in his head.  “Is everything okay?”

“I...uh...” His voice began without his consent.  “It...”

He struggled to find the words.  Hell, he was struggling to figure out what he was thinking.  “...why?”

“Why?” Kagome echoed, cocking her head in thought.  “I guess...because it's what girls do when they get to my age,” she explained weakly.  “Ayumi and some of the other girls are already...um...courting?  I don't if that's what they're doing really.  Well, they're courting some of the village boys already and I think Mama wants me to start looking.”  

His chest hurt.  His heart restarted but every beat pounded against his ribcage painfully, as if with the intent to burst out.  And that may have well been the better option, as her words were starting to hit him full force, and Inuyasha knew that when did, the pain of having his heart simply jump out would be dull in comparison.

The pain and longing from that afternoon struck him again.  Kagome...marrying.  Kagome with a man, a man that wasn't him.  He had never felt so strong an urge to kill off every single human male in her village and in every other village nearby just to be safe.  He wanted to be sickened with himself for thinking such a thing, but all he could muster was the relief he would feel if it happened.  If he could know that, even though he might never have her for himself, he would never have to see her in the arms of another man.

“Kagome,” he finally managed to get out.  He couldn't tell if he had hidden the despair in his voice, but obviously not, because Kagome hurriedly cut in.

“I won't, Inuyasha.” She began, a hint of desperation in her voice, though for what neither of them could tell.  “You're my best friend, and I lo – ” She choked momentarily on the word she used to say with such ease.  This time, though, was different.  She knew she meant it in a way he didn't.  Clearing her throat in a pained determination, she continued, “I love you and I won't marry or be with any of them if they try to separate us.  I don't care what Mama says.  I've thought about this.  We'll just go on as we always have, and there's nothing they can do to make me stop.”  

It was a lie, both of them knew.  There were a number of things the villagers, and her mother included, could do to make both their lives much more miserable until Kagome, at least, complied.  Nevertheless, he could feel the sincerity behind her promise, and it dulled the sting if only an ounce.

Still, he hadn't missed the most important part.  She wouldn't marry anyone if they tried to separate them.  'That means...she would accept someone if he was willing to allow us to stay together.'  He should have been relieved.  After all, this meant he could be in her life even after she married.  However, right now, all he could imagine was watching her, day in and day out, as she grew old with her husband, kissed him goodnight, loved him, bore their children, all while Inuyasha could do nothing but sit by the side.

He didn't think he could take it.  Which would be worse?  Never being able to see her again, or seeing her but only as the wife of another man?  He wasn't even sure if he was hiding the effect that her words had.  Normally an expert at concealing his forbidden feelings, Inuyasha had half a mind to blurt out everything then and there.  Her rejection might at least focus the hurt elsewhere, the same way a shallow cut could sometimes distract from a headache.

“Inuyasha?” Her voice was soft, the concern in her question no more obscured than her scent itself.

“Whe – en?” He got out, cursing himself for choking on the word.

“When...?” She echoed in confusion.  “When I'm going to start...looking?”

Inuyasha managed a nod in answer to her request for clarification.

“I don't know,” she replied in truth, “I didn't even want to start thinking about this kind of stuff for a long time, but...Mama said some things tonight, and I guess – I don't know, it's something I always knew I had to consider at one point.  I still don't want to, of course,” she huffed, then sighed in resignation.

Venturing another look up at Inuyasha, Kagome bit her lip in a combination of nervousness and sheer awkwardness.  He had the look of both being utterly engaged in what she was saying and completely distracted at the same time, and it made her want to curl up into a ball and take back everything she said.  This was new territory for the both of them, and she had no idea what to say.

“Sorry,” she eventually decided on apologizing, “I don't want to bother you with all this stupid stuff, but you asked what was on my mind, and this is it.  But, I guess...I don't know...What do you think I should do?”

Inuyasha knew what he wanted to say.

Run.  Run away.  He wished he could shove that boulder aside and take off into the comforting shroud of trees and darkness.  He could pretend that Kagome never said a thing, that he still had years before she even started thinking about something like that.

All he really could do was say, “I don't want to talk about this.”

At that moment, he didn't care that he sounded gruff and uncaring.

“O-oh...okay,” was her confused and undoubtedly hurt reply.

Kagome didn't know what to make of his reaction.  She didn't know what she wanted from him either.  Advice?  Solidarity?  Anger?  If she was willing to admit to herself that she was a much worse person than she thought, then she would say that perhaps she wanted him to be angry.  That would mean that there might be the slightest chance he had an ounce of the same feeling towards her.  'Or it could mean he still feels like the protective older brother he sees himself as,' a less optimistic voice reminded her.  He had made no secret of the fact that he didn't consider any of the “idiot human boys” worth her time.

What was clear was that he was shaken, so Kagome shook away thoughts of marriage, shame, and immutable crushes and started on another topic.  They had always had the ability to talk for hours about anything, everything and nothing at all, and today was no different.

Inuyasha seemed willing to oblige, if only half-heartedly, and the two quickly found themselves in a familiar, though more strained, lull of conversation.

When sleep finally took Kagome, Inuyasha was left to his thoughts.  

The walls of his den were warmer than he last remembered.  The hot spring nearby that Kagome always loved seemed to heat the entire mountain, the heated water burrowing and slithering through the rock like blood through veins.  Her head rested against his bicep, cradled in his arms.  It would be nice, he thought, if they could stay in this warm little cave forever.  No worries about boys and marriage or about what people would think and say to Kagome for being with him.  Just the two of them.  

He tilted her slumbering face up to look down upon her, not bothering to hide his need to memorize her every feature behind subtlety as he usually did.  Bringing a thumb up to her chin, he gently traced her lower lip, feeling its soft plumpness beneath the pad of his fingertip.  He felt the ever increasing urge to kiss her, just once, just enough to quench the desperate thirst he had, and it took a moment to realize how badly his hand was shaking.  Just once, he repeated, his head dipping down without even thinking about it.  'I don't know how much time I have with her.'  Just once.  How long had he wanted to do this?  How long had he held back?  It felt as if a heavy weight were resting atop him as he strained and bent and yielded his shape until finally, he was ready to snap.

Just once.  Those two words ringing in his head, Inuyasha closed the distance between their lips, applying just the barest pressure.  His heart thudded so uncontrollably he was afraid she would wake at the sound, but it would have been worth it.  His breath fell out helplessly, soundlessly against her lips, as he pulled back a hair's width, and he barely stifled the surge of lust that ran through his spine at the way her lips parted like two ruby petals blooming and the soft sigh that left them.  He wanted to fall into her, swallow her breath until there was nothing between them, no space nor air, but he had taken all he could tonight, and he knew he could have no more.

Leaning back with willpower he found in some reserve he never knew he had, Inuyasha looked down at her again, his hand coming to rest her side.  It twitched, as if wanting to press down on her, feel every part of her there was to feel, but Inuyasha forced out that urge with clenched teeth.  The ache beneath his hakama was back with a fury, his body betraying his resolve, but Inuyasha merely closed his eyes and willed himself into a restless sleep.

It took hours, but he found something as close to sleep as possible, and waited for the morning to come.

Together, they slumbered in the warmth of the den, Inuyasha wrapped himself around her as tightly as he could, determined for the time being, to never let her go.  Come morning, he knew he would have no choice, but for now...the dream was the only thing that could help him sleep.

Author's Note:

Though I put OOC in my warnings, I did try to keep everyone in character for the most part (with changes based on different experiences in life).  Kagome's mother is the most obvious example, but I think her reaction, at least, is fairly understandable for any mother of a teenage kid.  The TV show/manga mom is just super chill, and I don't think that fits with my story setting since they're back in a more feudal, conservative setting.  Kagome and Inuyasha are a bit OOC, but I think that for the most part, I kept them in character, adjusting for the unique development of their relationship in my story.  There is no Kikyo, no duty to anyone else, no Naraku, no question about whether they love each other, so I tried to make their inner monologues and actions reflect that.

As always, I hope you enjoyed!  The last chapter is likely the final chapter, so keep an eye out for that!