InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Hurtful Words: Past & Present ❯ The Present: Chapter 12 ( Chapter 12 )

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is Copyright of Takahashi Rumiko

Hurtful Words: The Present
Chapter 12

She was tired. No, weary was the better word to describe the massive weight of the emotions weighing her down at this moment. The events of the past days constantly replayed themselves in her head. It was never her intention to act the way she did towards Sesshoumaru. Though she despised him, her behavior was out of line. Her parents as well as he, had raised her to show respect and she was failing to do so. But she couldn't help herself, she couldn't help the lurch in her chest when she met his eyes or when she talked about him. It made her say the things she had said and treat him the way she did. And to make matters worse, she was acting like him.

Rin knew she had learned to be so spiteful and cruel from Sesshoumaru's behavior. All the years of witnessing him abuse Jaken verbally and physically had had a surprising affect on her. In the happy nature of her childhood years, that part of him did not show in her. But once she sampled the bitter taste of betrayal and pain, it sprung to life, eager to rear its ugly head. And seeing him face to face only encouraged this strange personality to surface. Her behavior was his fault but she was still wrong.

She did not want to argue with him, it took entirely too much of her energy. It did not make her happy and yet it did not make her sad. She simply felt empty. An empty shell with emotions resting on her shoulders trying to get inside and fill her barren soul. Her encounter with Ichigo had not helped at all. She felt worse, if that was even possible. He had succeeded in piling more emotions upon her shoulders and giving her a new large dose of weariness. She felt miserable.

"Is anything wrong Rin?" Kagome questioned her quietly, pulling up beside her.

Rin turned, realizing only now how distracted her thoughts had her. "No," everything is wrong, she thought.

She could feel three pairs of eyes on her, each trying to see into her to understand the reasons for her actions. She did not mind Kagome and Inuyasha's eyes so much as she did Sesshoumaru's. Whenever he stared to long and to hard she knew it was not a good thing. He was lost deep in thought and she knew his thoughts rested on her. She did not want to know what he was thinking, did not want to feel his eyes on her. She wanted the weight on her shoulders lifted. She did not want to act like him. Tightening her grip on the reins, she glanced over at Kagome.

"Let's pick up the pace."

Rin pulled on the reins and tapped her legs against the horse’s side. It reared up on its back legs before taking off into a fast gallop. Inuyasha jumped from Kagome's horse and followed along side her, glad for the chance to stretch his legs. Sesshoumaru ran next to Rin, easily keeping up with her. They sprinted across the open field as early morning turned into afternoon. It had warmed considerably, hinting that summer was soon on its way. The day was beautiful, glorious. Birds chirped happily, fresh flowers scented the air, Rin and Kagome laughed.

The throaty laugh caught Sesshoumaru's attention and caused him a strange sensation in the pit of his belly. He stared at Rin, saw that she was smiling and laughing. This time the smile reached her eyes and mixed with something akin to mischievousness. She grabbed her long braid and gave the bow keeping it together a small tug. When the bow came lose, the braid quickly unraveled and her hair cascaded in waves behind her. Sesshoumaru's breath caught, causing him to slow his pace for a moment. She laughed again and the strange sensation returned. He cursed under his breath and tore his attention from her.

Though Sesshoumaru did not understand the sensation he had just encountered, he knew it was a feeling of weakness, a weakness he had not felt since his youth. In those days he was willful, overly proud, stupid, and emotional. He had emotions and strange sensations with many female in those days and much to his surprise, he felt that way towards Rin. He had, however, long since forgotten what those emotions and strange sensations meant. The only emotion he could identify with was attraction, but even that had too many definitions. He could simply be attracted to the idea of making her show him the respect he deserved. He could be attracted to the laughter that had offered him a strange sense of comfort in the past. He did know he did not like to feel this way.

"Whoa, whoa!"

Rin laughed again as the horse slowed and stopped. She jumped off him quickly, full of incredible energy now that the weight had lifted from her shoulders. Petting the horse appraisingly, she led him away and called back to the others.

"There is a river over here. We should let the horses rest while we have lunch."

"Inuyasha, could you build a fire? We'll be back soon." Kagome quickly followed after Rin. "It has been a long time since I've ridden a horse like that."

Rin could not help but smile as she glanced over at Kagome. "The same goes for me. Usually I prefer to walk but I wanted to reach Mount Imadoki as quickly as possible."

"Eager to get away from Sesshoumaru?" Kagome pet her horse as it took a long drink from the river.

"Well, yes. But that is not my only reason. I know I have inconvenienced you and Inuyasha quite a bit by stealing Tetsusaiga. You have a family to raise and protect. I'm sure you would like to get back to those duties as soon as possible."

Kagome smiled. "Hai, I would. You are a very nice girl Rin. You don't deserve what Sesshoumaru has put you through."

Rin could only nod in response. She watched for a moment as Kagome pulled her strange cooking tools from her bag. Determined not to let thoughts of Sesshoumaru ruin her good mood once again, Rin leaned down and washed the sweat from her face. Pressing her hand to her forehead, she noted her own increased temperature. She washed her face again and fought against a coughing fit. By the time she got it under control her eyes were watering. She pulled her hand away from her mouth and nearly fainted when she saw the blood on her hand. She quickly rinsed if off, but not before Kagome saw it.

"You are a disgrace, Inuyasha. You let that girl order you around as though you are her pet." Sesshoumaru watched in disgust as Inuyasha finished building the fire.

"Keh, why don't you go argue with Rin some more? I don't give a damn about what you say so I don't want to hear it." Inuyasha lay before the fire, his head propped up by his arm.

Sesshoumaru was about to speak when he smelled Rin's blood upon the air. He turned his head in her direction, trying to sense if there were any youkai in the area. Though he sensed nothing out of the ordinary, he was still concerned. He walked toward the direction she had gone, Inuyasha now on his heels after smelling her blood as well. When he saw her walking towards them, he could not help but feel relieved.

Rin cursed silently, knowing both brothers had smelled her blood. Surely they would have questions. "Are you two that hungry that you couldn't wait for us to return?", she asked casually.

Sesshoumaru stopped in front of Rin, blocking her path as he looked her over. "Why were you bleeding?" He saw no cuts on her face and as the scent had came and went, he knew she wasn't in heat.

"I bit my lip." She walked past him, only to be stopped when he grabbed her arm.

"I do not believe you." He stared down at her intensely, as if daring her to lie to him.

Rin returned his stare, seemingly unfazed by the look that had always made her tell the truth in the past. "That is your choice. As I am sure you can see, there is nothing wrong with me. Now, if you would release my arm."

He held it for a moment longer, his eyes still locked with hers, before he let it go and turned to walk away. He stood under a nearby tree and watched her secretly, his eyes shaded by his hair and his body shaded by the tree.

Kagome bit her lip, fighting the urge to bring up what she had seen. She knew Rin did not want to discuss it so she helped to change the subject as they began to prepare their ramen. "So Rin, why don't you tell us about that young man from the village? How did you meet him?"

Sesshoumaru shifted his weight as his hand twitched.

Rin blushed and she quickly explained how she had come to meet Ichigo and his family. "He didn't want me to leave. Since Ichigo is only a year younger than me he was a lot easier to talk to. He was the only one I gave details about my past life. You know most villagers don't trust youkai and he is no different. But he especially doesn't trust Sesshoumaru."

It was her first time using his name, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by anyone there, since she was thirteen. It felt strange to use it, especially without the respectful term.

"So he wanted me to just tell you where to find the swords and stay with him...and be his wife."

Inuyasha ears twitched and he looked over at Sesshoumaru. He could have sworn he heard something like a tree being cracked.

Kagome set her food down and clapped her hands in excitement. "He proposed, how wonderful! I knew something was going on between you two when you kissed."

Inuyasha turned his attention back to his brother at the unmistakable sound of cracking and growling.

"Actually, there is nothing going on between us. I only think of Ichigo as a brother, but even if I had thought of him differently, I would not have accepted his proposal."

Sesshoumaru pulled his hand free from the hole he had created in the tree and immediately ceased his unconscious growling.

"Oh? Why not?" Kagome asked curiously.

Rin finished the last of her soup before continuing. "I have long since accepted the fact that a family is not meant for me." She began to braid her hair. "When my family was murdered and villagers would give me no aid I became convinced that I was meant to be alone. And then I met Sesshoumaru."

"... you ruined any chance for her to have a happy future..."

"I considered him and Jaken-sama and Ah Un my family until I learned I was merely a tool. It was then that I accepted what I had learned when I was a child. I was meant to be alone, and I will continue to remain alone.."

"...she has been forever scarred by your cruelness."

Kagome could not hide her surprise. "You can't mean that Rin. No one is meant to be alone."

"That does not seem to be true in my case, considering I have never had an ounce of good luck with out it being quickly followed by bad luck. If I have a happy moment, it quickly turns into a sad one therefore to avoid that I must be alone. And if anything were to happen to Ichigo and his family because of me..." She could not finish her sentence. "That is my fate and I accept it," she rose to her feet, unwilling to have this conversation continue. Her mind was made up and nothing would change that. "We should get going."

As the girls began to clean up Inuyasha forced himself to his feet and walked over to his brother. He noted the hole in the tree with a raised eyebrow.

"Oi, Sesshoumaru. What's wrong, couldn't stand to hear Rin talk about another man? I think I sense a little jealously."

Sesshoumaru sent Inuyasha a cold glare. "Do not be foolish. This Sesshoumaru has no reason to be jealous, especially when it comes to a human." He pushed away from the tree, angry that he had shown enough emotion to tip Inuyasha off.

"Keh. You can't fool me Sesshoumaru. I know the signs of jealously. You are just going to have to accept the fact that you are no longer the center of Rin's universe."

"Fact accepted, end of conversation," he walked away and waited by the horses, unconsciously contemplating the idea.

It was like Rin had said, bad luck quickly follows good luck. It had been good luck for them to make such great time on their journey but unfortunately, their good luck had just run out. It was time to encounter a bit of bad luck. That bad luck revealed itself in the form of a fox youkai. Though it was something they could deal with easily, it was annoying nonetheless. He stood in front of them and refused to move from their path. The little fox youkai was surprisingly tall for such a small creature. His pointy ears twitched and he sniffed the air with his long nose. A sly grin lit his face as he made eye contact with Rin.

"Woman, I thought that was you. You're going back up to the mountain and you're taking these mutts with you. I thought we had an agreement."

Rin arched an eyebrow. "And what agreement was that?"

The fox youkai adjusted his armor before crossing his arms over his chest. "You were to take me to the mountain, break the barrier, and give me those swords."

"I made no such agreement. And as I've told you before those swords have owners. In fact, these mutts," she gestured to Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha. "Just happen to be the owners."

"Is that so?" He eyed the inu-youkai with disgust. "I am afraid I cannot allow that. My master is determined to get those swords."

"Cannot allow it? I am afraid you and your master do not have a choice in the manner. Those swords will never be in your hands or your master's hands. Now that everything is clear, I shall be on my way."

Rin signaled for her horse to move with a tug on the reins. As she moved forward, the fox youkai drew his sword.

"I do not like the tone of your voice woman and as I said, I certainly cannot allow you to deliver those swords into any other hands but my masters. If they will not belong to him then they will belong to no one."

The fox youkai dashed forward. Rin quickly withdrew her sword, fully prepared to defend herself. But she stopped abruptly when a brilliant wave of blue light flashed in front of her. Something exploded and the air quickly filled with smoke. It cleared slowly and in the midst of it stood Sesshoumaru. He held Toukijin in his hand and stood before a large hole in the ground. The fox youkai stood just beside it, his eyes gaping at what could have been his grave.

"This Sesshoumaru did not expect you to move so quickly. But trust I will not make that same mistake again."

The fox youkai did not hesitate to turn and run away. Sesshoumaru was about to follow after him when Rin called to him.

"Wait, Sesshoumaru. He isn't worth it. If I considered him a threat I would have taken care of him long ago. Let's get going, we can still make it to our destination by sunset."

Both Sesshoumaru and Rin sheathed their swords and continued on. Far in the distance a small group of fox youkai slowly trailed after them.

They reached a small hut at sunset and quickly settled down. Sesshoumaru quickly disappeared, uninterested in being confined in such a small area with his brother and the two females. Unaffected by Sesshoumaru's attitude, the trio quickly prepared their dinner. Rin outlined the remainder of their journey.

"We should reach the base of Imadoki no later than tomorrow afternoon. It will take the remainder of the day to journey up and then down the mountain. We will not return here tomorrow."

"Why not?" Though she liked the stars, Kagome preferred sleeping indoors.

"There is a hot spring near Mount Imadoki. We will spend the night there. From there it will only take a day and a half to return to Ichigo's village."

Inuyasha stopped eating and stared at Rin. "You mean to tell me we took the long route to get here?"

She sipped her tea and nodded. "You and Sesshoumaru may not be tired after the journey but Kagome and I will. We will be grateful for the chance to relax."

"I agree Rin. Good thinking." Kagome beamed and began fantasizing about relaxing in the hot spring.

"Mmm." Rin finished her tea and rose to her feet. "I am going to take a walk. I'll return shortly."

Kagome watched Rin leave and immediately turned to Inuyasha when she was gone. "Ne, Inuyasha. Did you notice Sesshoumaru acting a little strange when we were at the village?"

"No, but if he had it's because he doesn't like to be around humans." He yawned, trying to hint to his mate that he didn't want to have this conversation.

"But he wasn't around too many humans. He just seemed to be uncomfortable with watching what was happening between Rin and Ichigo. Usually Sesshoumaru is so stiff but he kept shifting around a lot."

"Keh. He's just jealous that Rin doesn't like him anymore. You should have seen the hole he put in the tree when you asked Rin about Ichigo."

"Jealous? Sesshoumaru? You don't think that he likes Rin do you?" Kagome considered the idea for a moment. "Well he does act a lot like the way you used to. You were always getting jealous whenever I even talked to another guy. Not to mention we always used to argue."

Inuyasha sent her an incredulous look at the mention of his past behavior. "I guess you're right, but we can't assume that Sesshoumaru is acting the way he is because he likes Rin. You know how he hates humans."

"But if he hates humans so much then why did he keep her around all those years?"

"Hell if I know. I don't know anything about Sesshoumaru or the reasons for his actions." He pulled Kagome into his lap. "Lets not talk about him anymore."

Kagome blushed and settled into his lap, completely forgetting about Sesshoumaru.

Rin walked slowly up the small hill near the hut, grateful for the time alone. She was tired of answering so many questions. Silence was something she had grown accustomed to during her travels with Sesshoumaru and as she was convinced she was meant to be alone, it was something she had embraced. So she needed to escape, to be alone with her thoughts and contemplate the long day ahead. She was, however, disappointed when she found Sesshoumaru standing in the very spot she was headed to.

Sesshoumaru stood on the ledge and diverted his eyes to his side when he sensed Rin's approach. He waited several long moments for her to speak or turn to leave, but she remained frozen in place as if unsure what to do. The wind picked up and blew her scent in his direction. He inhaled deeply, noted that she smelled of fresh river water, and was reminded of their life together in the past. She had always been so determined to stay neat and clean in order to be like him, in order to please him. And now she had become like him by being spiteful and hateful. She no longer wished to please him. Sure she was trying to annoy him or bring out the worst in him, he decided not to give her the opportunity.

"Does my presence bother you so much that you will wait there until I leave?"

Rin continued to stare at his back. "Perhaps," but she walked forward anyway, determined to be the better person.

He turned his eyes back up to the sky when she walked to him. She sat a small distance from him and allowed her legs to dangle over the ledge. She turned her attention to the sky, content, like him, to spend the night gazing at the stars. It amazed him how many of his habits that she had picked up. It was not something he had noticed before. He was sure she saw the similarities as well and wondered if they fueled her distaste for him. Surely she did not enjoy being like the person who had caused her so much pain. How much, he wondered, had she changed over the last five years? How many of his habits had she dropped? Why did he want to know every detail of the new Rin she had become? Why did he care?

"Why did you come up here?" He surprised himself by asking.

"Whenever I come to check on the swords I stop here to stare at the stars. The view is breath taking."

He watched as the wind swept through the stray strands of hair under her chin. The moon lit her face and reflected beautifully in her brown eyes. The sky, clear as the cleanest river, sparkled with millions of white stars just above her head. The view was indeed breath taking, but it did not comfort him completely. For some odd reason, it bothered him that her hair was bound.

"Why do you braid your hair?" He was more surprised by the softness in his voice than by asking her another question.

Because I feel like I'm copying you. She sighed and responded, "it is easier for me to keep clean while I travel."

She was lying, and Sesshoumaru knew it. He let it go and stared back up at the sky. They fell into a deep silence, one that Inuyasha and Kagome would have found disturbing and full of tension. But, if it did exist, neither Rin nor Sesshoumaru acknowledged it. They preferred to pick their thoughts from their minds, as though they were stars in the sky, and sort it out. The silence was welcome, the breeze appreciated, the lack of disturbances a miracle. And as time went by they found that they were content, for once, in each other’s presence since the moment they were reunited.

Thanks for reading.

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