InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I bleed ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

I reached down and picked up the knife, admiring the blade in the sunlight that had just started to filter through the open square that served as a window. It had been sharpened just yesterday, by my own hand. They had all seen me doing it, but none had asked; it was assumed to merely be another defense against all the demons we faced.

I raised my left wrist. Not one scar marred its surface, even after all the demon fights I had been in.

And I had also not allowed myself the pleasure to run sharp steel over the skin there, had not allowed myself to submit to the dark crimson seducer.

I did so now, not even cringing at the sight of it running down my bare arm. The brief sting was nothing.

I raised the other wrist and made the same slice, then set the knife to the side of me. I would leave no doubt as to who the culprit was in their minds.

No, in his mind. I wanted him to know why I had done it. He would know how I had felt, once he read the beginning part of my letter, be consumed with guilt at thinking he had done it by not loving me in return.

Then he will get to my true reason, I thought, watching the blood ebb out steadily.

The last fight…I could not bear to tell him what had happened. About how—no, I had had to put it in writing. It would be on the letter that would lay clenched in my bloody hands, addressed to him and only him.

It will explain everything. I was starting to get dizzy, so I laid down. I relaxed, noticing the darkness hovering at the edge of my vision.

Soon…soon you will be safe. My presence would no longer disrupt their lives and endanger them…endanger him.

That had always been my job, my duty: to protect him. Not the Shikon jewel.

And if I had to spill my own crimson life to do it, then so be it.

As I slowly fell into the unending obscurity, I wondered if he would still think of me as her, as his first love's reincarnation who just too weak to stay alive.

I pray that he understands my letter, my reason for doing this.

The blood flow slows as its supply begins to run out.

My last conscious thoughts were about how I wasn't going to have a peaceful afterlife until he forgave me.

If ever.

The scent of her blood filled his nostrils as he ran flat-out for the hut on the edge of the village, his companions no match for his terror-driven speed.

Please be all right, Kagome, Inu-Yasha thought, weaving in and out of villagers.

He was starting to grow nauseous, but forced himself to go on until reaching the last hut and flinging open the door.

The moment his eyes focused on the scene inside, his heart shattered. He sagged against the doorway, trying to and yet not trying to comprehend what lay before him.

Kagome, in her usual schoolgirl outfit, lay on the floor as if she were asleep—only her bed was of her own not-even-dried blood.

He stumbled inside, dropping to his knees next to her and bowing his head, only to fall onto her the next. “Kagome, you idiot, why?! Why did you do this?!”

Behind him, he heard the sound of Sango shrieking, only to have it muffled into what must have been Miroku's robes, but he didn't really care. All that mattered was that Kagome had left him, the tool that she had used to do so gleaming next to her in the early morning light.

As his head lay on her chest, he heard her heart make one last feeble thump before stopping completely. She was truly gone now; nothing could bring her back. The Shikon jewel had been purified to kill Naraku, and Sesshoumaru's Tenseiga had been snapped in half during the final battle.

And now the tears came, as the great and mighty Inu-Yasha finally broke. Backed by years of repressed emotions, he wept until he had no more tears, and then it just became dry, racking sobs. At long last those too abated, leaving him to sit there with his head lying on the soaked blouse.

It was then that something came to his attention, something he hadn't noticed at first. In her right hand there was paper, and he slowly reached forward and pulled it free.

Unfolding it, he was startled to see it was from Kagome and addressed to him.

`Inu-Yasha, if you are reading this then I was able to go through with it. And now, if you even care, I believe you will wonder why. I am sorry I was unable to write it in person, but…

`During the final fight with Naraku, he stabbed me with one of his poisonous tentacles. You cut it away from me, but not swift enough. It left a curse on me, one that would ensure the demise of us all even if he were to be defeated. I learned of this only through one of the mikos we met on our way home, who said my aura had a disturbance. I checked into it, and, Inu-Yasha, Naraku had left a horrible curse. It was set to trigger six months later, an you see we had only a month left before it activated. I wanted only to make sure the rest of you would be fine before I did this.

`Because, Inu-Yasha, the only way to get rid of this enchantment was for me to die. And if you had known—well, I hope you would have tried to stop me even if it was for our own good. Silly dreams of a schoolgirl, I know.

`So, to save you all from the dark aura that would spill from me and take your lives, I took my own life. I know it was worth it, because all of you deserved to live. Shippo needs a chance at a life, and so do Miroku and Sango…and you.'

Wrong, Kagome, he thought sullenly. I am nothing without you.

`And a further word of warning: do not go back through the well to my time for any reason. Something happened, and all that is on that side is evil and darkness. It is a horror, Inu-Yasha, and I know my family is already gone. I should be with them now, hopefully, though my redemption—never mind.

`Just tell Miroku, Sango, and Shippo I love them and am truly sorry for what I had to do. Explain my reasons for doing it.

`And one final thing…'

He felt a lump rise in his throat as he read the last few lines.

`I love you, Inu-Yasha, and I wish I could have said it aloud. But I doubt you returned the sentiment, so I kept it to myself so that you would not be bothered. Trust that I will always be there for you, Inu-Yasha, and someday we may meet again.'

The letter trembled and fell from his grasp, followed shortly by his fist slamming into the floor. His arm shook; his entire body shook.

“Why couldn't you have told me?” he whispered. “I love you too, Kagome.”

With that, he stood, gathered the dead girl into his arms, and walked silently from the hut, leaving the paper and his heart behind.

Kagome was cremated, her ashes buried at the shrine at the top of the hill. The villagers lamented the loss of their cheerful miko, but none were so deeply affected as her companions.

Shippo did nothing but cry and sleep for the next few days, and Inu-Yasha was, oddly enough, the one to comfort him. At least, until Kagome's funeral was over.

Then he disappeared into the forest, and Sango and Miroku neither heard from nor saw him for a long time.

It was exactly a year after Kagome's death, and Miroku and Sango were going to pay their respects with their newborn baby girl and Shippo.

They were halfway to the shrine when he emerged from the forest. They stopped short.

“I-Inu-Yasha?” Sango murmured, but the hanyou did not reply. However, he did see them and walked over.

It looked as if he had not ate or drank in weeks, the faded clothing hanging off his frame. His silver-white hair had lost its sheen, and his ears no longer perked up but were instead drooping. The amber eyes that had once been so full of emotion were a dull yellow, giving him the look of one who has passed from this world.

But as he stood in front of them, his ears twitched the slightest bit. He reached out with a filthy clawed hand and stroked the side of the baby girl's face. She gurgled happily, and the tiniest smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.

“Inu-Yasha, where—” Miroku started to say, but the hanyou shook his head. After ruffling Shippo's hair, he turned away and started up the steps to the shrine.

“Inu…” Sango's voice trailed off as she saw what unfolded before her very eyes.

For each step Inu-Yasha climbed, his oufit grew a little brighter, his hair a little shinier, and his ears would twitch.

As Sango followed his progress, something at the top caught her attention. She looked up, and a gasp lodged in her throat.

A raven-haired teenager awaited him at the top, clothed in only a green skirt and white blouse. She was smiling, encouraging him to come up to her.

“Kagome,” Sango and Shippo whispered at the same time.

Miroku remained silent, understanding the significance of this and just what this was.

He would wait until after the two spirits made their peace with one another to complete his duty to them.

Inu-Yasha ascended the last step, looking as he had in his prime, and for a moment just stared at Kagome.

Then he held open his arms, and Kagome flung herself into them. Their bodies began to glow, and Miroku smiled gently. Inu-Yasha had forgiven Kagome, and they could pass along in peace—with one another.

The two spirits, glowing brighter with each passing second, turned to cast a final look down at their friends and companions. Kagome, a huge smile on her face, waved and blew them kisses from the safety of Inu-Yasha's arms. The hanyou just nodded in their direction, but they could see the feelings clearly expressed in his eyes.

Then the light grew so radiant they had to look away, and when it finally subsided, the spirits were gone.

“Kagome?” Shippo whispered, and Sango took the initiative to start up the shrine steps that the ghost of Inu-Yasha had tread on just minutes before. Miroku followed, noting the place where Inu-Yasha had come out of the foliage and reminding himself to go search for the hanyou's body later so that it could be properly cremated.

Upon reaching the top they found no signs that anyone had been standing there, and, partially disappointed and partially relieved, Sango led the way to the side of the garden, where a lovely headstone rested under a sakura tree.

They stood there a moment in silence before Miroku knelt. He picked up a small chisel that had been left behind and a rock, adding new kanji to the tombstone. When he finished and stepped away, Sango smiled.

Inu-Yasha, it now read next to those for Kagome.

A gentle breeze blew around them, as if reassuring them that their parted friends would always be there.

Miroku and Sango paid their respects.

The baby giggled, grabbing a fistful of Shippo's hair.

And life moved on, never forgetting the miko and her hanyou.

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A/n: I was in a dark mood. So there.