InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Came to Read, I Stayed to Write ❯ Misdirection ( Chapter 7 )

Disclaimer: I do hereby disclaim all rights and responsibilities for the characters in this oneshot… especially for the one who did the only thing he could do, under the circumstances. Deceive. Inveigle. Obfuscate.

 

Author's Note: If you're browsing through, this is a bit of comedy featuring Miroku. He's been up to his usual brand of mischief.

 

Originally posted on Live Journal on January 14, 2007.

 

 

oOo

 

Misdirection

 

Inuyasha cringed slightly at the tension snapping through the campsite that evening. What now? He couldn't think of anything he'd done to upset the girls today, but the frosty glances that were being shot in his general direction made him squirm. Wait. Not my direction, he realized, as Sango passed Miroku his dinner with frigid politeness. Eyeing Kagome, he watched in confusion as she huffed in the monk's direction and put her nose into the air. They were both giving Miroku the cold shoulder. The monk was sitting serenely beside him, apparently unconcerned.

 

Inuyasha leaned slightly to his side, speaking out of the corner of his mouth. “Houshi? What'd you do?”

 

The monk turned pious eyes to the hanyou. “Whatever do you mean, Inuyasha?”

 

Inuyasha nodded to the girls, who flicked occasional glares at Miroku. “Them.”

 

“My intentions may have been misconstrued earlier,” the monk offered vaguely.

 

“What the fuck does that mean,” demanded the hanyou in an undertone. “Did you grope Sango again?”

 

“Not precisely,” Miroku said calmly. “I might have done something that could be… misinterpreted.”

 

With a low growl, Inuyasha's hackles went up. “You didn't touch Kagome, did you?”

 

Heaving a weary sigh, Miroku let his gaze drift up towards the darkening sky, stars just beginning to make their appearances. “No, Inuyasha. I did not mishandle Kagome-sama.”

 

“Well,” insisted the hanyou, “they're not upset about nothing. What'd you do?” he repeated.

 

“Let's just say I was put in an impossible situation and took the only way out I could see,” murmured Miroku quietly with a wary glance towards the other side of the campfire.

 

“Eh?” asked Inuyasha, confused.

 

“They asked me to choose,” the monk said with a suggestive lift of one brow.

 

Inuyasha's ears flattened, then flicked forward. “What?”

 

With another look towards the girls, Miroku ran his hand through his hair, tugging at the back uncomfortably. “They took me aside this afternoon and asked me for my unbiased opinion,” he explained softly. “They seemed to think that a man of my taste, experience, and discretion would be able to settle a little disagreement.”

 

“What kind of disagreement,” asked Inuyasha, leaning closer in his curiosity.

 

Miroku smirked. “It was a matter of a… personal nature.”

 

Inuyasha just shook his head, black brows furrowed. “Spit it out, houshi.”

 

“Well, it seems that Kagome-sama wouldn't take Sango's word about her appearances,” Miroku confided in a low voice with another glance towards the girls. “Women are often self-conscious about their looks, and Sango thought Kagome-sama would benefit from masculine reassurances.”

 

“Reassurances,” Inuyasha parroted in disbelief.

 

“Right. So they asked several… awkward questions.”

 

Inuyasha scooted a little closer to the monk. “Like?”

 

Miroku shrugged carelessly. “Do I think Kagome-sama is beautiful? Would she be considered attractive by men? Should she change her hairstyle?”

 

The hanyou's golden eyes grew wide. “That's… stupid,” he said with a huff. “Wait. You said they asked you to choose, though. Choose what?”

 

“Which one had the most appealing… assets.”

 

Inuyasha's brow wrinkled in confusion again. “What kind of… assets,” he asked suspiciously.

 

Miroku held up his cursed hand meaningfully. “The kind with which I am most familiar.”

 

Inuyasha straightened in surprise. “You don't mean….”

 

“I do,” the monk said solemnly.

 

“So…” replied Inuyasha slowly, “who did you choose?”

 

Miroku shifted uncomfortably. “Ah. You need to understand that I was in a most delicate position.”

 

“So?” Inuyasha prodded.

 

“There is no good answer to a question like that,” the monk said sadly.

 

“What do you mean,” asked Inuyasha with narrowed eyes.

 

Miroku laid it out for the hanyou. “If I chose Sango, Kagome-sama's already fragile self-image would be shattered. On the other hand, if I chose Kagome-sama, Sango might get the wrong idea. Either way, someone gets hurt.”

 

Inuyasha's expression cleared and he nudged closer, voice lowered to a whisper. “So, what the fuck did you say, houshi. They're both ticked.”

 

The monk turned solemn violet eyes on the hanyou, who was practically nose to nose with him now. “I did what I had to do.”

 

The hanyou snorted, “A lot of good it did, houshi,” he said with a quick peep at the stony-faced girls. “So who'd you choose?”

 

“You.”

 

Dark brows shot up. “Me,” Inuyasha said flatly.

 

“You,“ confirmed the monk with a hint of amusement.

 

Taking a moment or two to process this information, the hanyou toyed with Tetsusaiga's hilt. “So instead of hurting their feelings… you let them think….” Suddenly aware of their proximity, Inuyasha leaned back. “No fucking way,” he said with a horrified expression.

 

“As I said,” returned the monk serenely, “I may have said something that could be misinterpreted.”

 

Inuyasha began to scoot stealthily away from the monk, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You had better've set them straight, houshi,” he said with quiet menace.

 

Miroku watched the hanyou's retreat with interest. “As I informed the ladies, I am most familiar with your physique since we bathe together. I can speak with authority on your assets, as I have seen them firsthand.”

 

Inuyasha's anger warred with his humiliation. “I am going to kill you,” he muttered.

 

The monk went on, unperturbed. “So I told them that if they wished me to make a choice between the two of them, they would have to oblige me with a better viewing. Firsthand knowledge is essential in such matters.”

 

The hanyou's head bobbed up, somewhat relieved by the monk's familiarly lecherous proposition. “Oh. So they don't think we….” Inuyasha waved a hand between the two of them. “It's because you….” He waved a hand towards the girls.

 

“Most assuredly,” nodded the monk.

 

“Keh,” the hanyou grunted in disgust. “You are such an idiot.”

 

“Perhaps,” admitted Miroku with a twinkle, “but I didn't have to choose, did I?”

 

Both males looked back across the campfire, their considering gazes rebuffed by icy daggers. “Better two cold shoulders than one scorned woman,” the monk murmured.

 

oOo

 

End Note: This oneshot was originally written for the “Frost” drabble challenge on Live Journal's iyfic_contest community. 979 words.