InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Can't Love You Like This ❯ Night of Nightmares. ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Author note: I'm back, with more stories for you. I took some much needed time of and now I feel it's been long enough. I miss writting but I haven't changed much. I'm pretty much the same as before, and have no idea where I'm heading. But let's forget all that and get on with the important. During my break I had more plot bunnies jumping into my head than ever before. Last I counted it was close to 30 and those were only the ones that survived in my head. It was almost freaky.

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha nor Sesshoumaru or any other character from the show.

Pairing/Rating: Sesshoumaru/InuYasha. Mature readers only since it containes serious subjects.

Warning: Incest, non-con/rape, m/m, anal, oral, death wish.

Read, Enjoy and Review.

I can't Love you like this
By Monkan

The door opened with a soft creak and the sound of a bag falling to the floor followed close by.

"I'm home!" InuYasha said as he bend down and took of his shoes. His braid of long midnight dark hair fell over his shoulder and in his way until he pushed it aside. His older brother came out from one of the many rooms in the house, a stern look over his face.

"Where were you? Dinner was served hours ago." Sesshoumaru said coldly as he glared at his brother.

"Something came up. You don't have to be such an ass about it." InuYasha said with a scrowl on his face. He didn't particularly get along with his brother, for many reasons but the foremost was that they fought most of the time they saw each other. But Sesshoumaru was his only remaining family. No matter how much it sucked.

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes as InuYasha bend down and picked up his bag before heading past Sesshoumaru and to his room. "Warm it up before you eat it." Sesshoumaru didn't move from the spot as InuYasha passed him and neither did he flinch from the hateful glare he received. The pronounced sound of a door being slammed shut echoed to his ears.

He turned smoothly around, his hair which reached just down to his shoulder blades swayed around his face. It's ghostly white shade looked like liquid snow as he moved. His dark eyes focused on nothing in particular as he moved down the opposite way from InuYasha's room.

He entered his room without a sound but when the door closed behind him he froze. He let out a gasp as he leaned back against the wooden door. His arms came up to hug himself as he began to shiver. His eyes closed as his chest heaved with every breath he took.

Always like this. Always this sweet torturous sensual ecstasy. His right hand let go of the shoulder he had been clutching and barely, like the touch of a feather, his hand reached down and between his legs. His long fingers cupped the hard flesh he found. His breath turned into a gasp as electricity shot through his body.

How shameful could he get? Each time it was the same, the same reaction, the same arousal. The same forbidden shame coursing through his body, soul and heart. He craved for it, he wanted it, he needed it. But he couldn't give himself it. It was something he shouldn't do or touch. No matter how he twisted it to justify himself it would never be right.

His fingers brushed his crotch as he slowly opened the zipper to his pants. His hand easily slipped inside and he jerked against his own touch. When had he began to image anothers touch instead of his own? When had he began to find pleasure in this? What a beast he had become. Was he even human anymore? Was there no salvation for his soul from this devastating desire that ripped at his very being. Making him someone he didn't want to be.

The image of those muscles working under the shirt and those arms flexing as they stretched. It was almost like he could feel those arms around him, holding him close to someone he desired all the time, both day and night, awake or asleep.

Finding release in his own hand he spilled himself with a grunt before falling down to sit on his butt.

"How low have I fallen?" he whispered.

'To desire my own brother.'

-o-o-o-o-o-

"What did you say?" Sesshoumaru asked coldly as he glared at InuYasha, his breakfast forgotten.

"You heard me. I have a girlfriend and she wants to meet my family." InuYasha said as he ate. "It's not like I wanted you to meet her but she insisted."

Sesshoumaru stood up with in moment, making InuYasha flinch in surprise. "I've lost my apatite." he said as he took away his half eaten food.

InuYasha stared after his elder brother. This had been more than the reaction he had expected. His eyes following his brothers back as he went about in the enormous kitchen. When the silence stretched out far longer than he felt comfortable with, InuYasha took care of his left overs before escaping from the room.

He walked to his room to get his bag before heading for school.

The water ran down his hand and the warmth of it seeped into it, with a shattering clutch the glass he had been holding broke. Sesshoumaru stared down at the shards and his hand, not feeling any pain as the tiny little drops of blood fell into the sink.

"I'm losing. . . InuYasha?"

Without thinking the hand fisted and the remaining pieces in his palm bore into his skin, drawing more blood. Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed as he was consumed by an unimagined jealousy. All he could think of was that he was losing InuYasha to someone else. A bitch was stealing *his* InuYasha from him.

"This ends tonight."

-o-o-o-o-

The evening came and as told InuYasha had brought with him his girlfriend. A girl barely InuYasha's age, long dark hair who had blushed shyly when she was next to InuYasha. Sesshoumaru hated her right away.

Much to InuYasha's surprise his elder brother acted strangely friendly. He was generous, open yet closed of from talking to much, he was the perfect, gorgeous, nice older brother that everyone wanted. It gave him the shivers. This wasn't Sesshoumaru.

Night was falling and it was time for her to go. InuYasha gave her a kiss and hug before they parted, saying a soft good bye. The girl walked down to the sidewalk before looking up at the house, one quick glance at InuYasha as he stood waving and suddenly her attention was drawn to the window. Her blood froze as her eyes caught sight of InuYasha's brother, who stood with his arms crossed and glared hatefully at her.

InuYasha closed the door and walked to the kitchen where he found Sesshoumaru putting away everything away.

"What was wrong with you?" InuYasha asked boldly. "You are never that nice to *anyone*."

Sesshoumaru stretched up and put away one of the plates, his shirt riding up with his movement. "Nothing." he said coldly.

InuYasha gave Sesshoumaru a probing look before shaking his head in defeat. He had never been able to read his brother. "Well, for being nothing it sure gave me the creeps."

Sesshoumaru avoided to look at InuYasha. "Mind your own buisness."

"Keh." InuYasha snapped. "Whatever." he said as he walked away.

His step took him to his room but as he was stepping inside he felt how he was pushed inside and the door closed with a bang. He felt how someone twisted his arm so that he couldn't move.

"What the hell???" he took one look over his shoulder. "Sesshoumaru!" he exclaimed. "What the hell are you doing?" he as well as screamed.

"Putting an end to this." It was all the man said as he pressed against InuYasha's back with his free hand pressing InuYasha against him. The struggles InuYasha put up with only served to increase his lust. Without much trouble Sesshoumaru took in the smell of his little brother as his nose traveled up InuYasha's shoulder, neck and up into his hair. His nose was tickled by the hair but he didn't mind.

InuYasha froze in shock as he felt a pair of soft lips on his neck, actually nibbling his neck. "What----------are you doing?" InuYasha said with some difficulty. He refused to admit what was happening to him at this moment. This wasn't possible.

Sesshoumaru didn't say anything but he took InuYasha's shock to his advance began to move them to the bed but halfway there InuYasha regained his mind cells and began to struggle anew. With new effort Sesshoumaru had to take a few steps back and they crashed against the wall. His breath caught in his throat for a moment but he didn't pause to catch it but turned them around so InuYasha was pinned between him and the wall.

The youth squirmed beneath the pressure. He was about to give up when he felt a hand move up inside his shirt. With one of his arms trapped behind his back he felt pain shot through his shoulder as it told him he could break it. Those lips was once again assaulting his neck and the hand moved up and down his sides to then go down over his backside. Much to his horror he felt something hard and personally all to familiar press against his buttocks.

Sesshoumaru began a slow dance against InuYasha, just enough fraction to not stop himself. If he stopped now he was scared that InuYasha would surprise him and break free. He couldn't let that happen. But it also served to fuel him on. His body craved for more, needed more and tonight it would get it.

Drawing back enough to take a step Sesshoumaru tighten his hold on InuYasha's arm and turned them around once more. He took a few steps before he knew InuYasha was off balance and threw the younger man at his own bed.

InuYasha caught himself as he landed ungracefully on top of his messy bed. His mind spinned for a moment and his arm ached before his reality caught up with him and he turned around just in time to see his brother take of his shirt and throwing it to the floor. With two long and powerful steps he was on top of his prey but this time they were facing each other.

InuYasha defended himself as best as he could. He hit, clawed, kicked, even bit his brother but nothing he did seemed to help him. His sweeter was torn apart and panic really hit him. Hard.

"Please don't do this." he begged. "Don't do this." tears started to fill his eyes. "Brother."

"Don't call me that." Sesshoumaru hissed. "I'm ending everything. Everything tonight."

Without InuYasha being able to escape he cried as his body was touched, stroked and fondled in many intimate ways. Soon he was completely naked on the bed, on his stomach. He had by now almost given up this hopeless struggle and surrender when he felt hands part his buttocks and something hard press against his hole. Dread filled him as what really was going to happen hit him. He panicked and began to crawl with all his might away from the assaulting limb that tried to enter him but strong arms held him down.

"InuYasha." Sesshoumaru said as he pushed forward so his manhood began to press against the tight ring. The head entered and InuYasha let out a scream of pain and sorrow. It felt horrible. It was painful. He just wanted to die. Sesshoumaru pushed even further and buried himself halfway before he paused and let out a groan. He arched his back, unintentionally thrusting in more. InuYasha was now sobbing as he buried his face against the sheets while his hands clutched them. His backside felt like it was on fire. All he could feel was pain and the horrible knowledge that his older brother was raping him.

Without waiting any further Sesshoumaru pulled out and then in, drawing a pained scream from InuYasha. He repeated it many times at a steady pace at first. Savoring the feeling of being inside his forbidden love. The feeling was extraordinary. The channel around him was squeezing him each time he was fully buried. He knew full well that he was destroying everything between them but it didn't matter right now. His body was so tense with desire and lust that he thought he would spill himself with each thrust. He had never been this turned on by any other person.

Suddenly it felt like everything burst and he let out a glutural moan as he filled InuYasha with his seed. InuYasha tensed against the feeling of something hot filling him, his voice didn't work at that moment so all he could do was let his tears fall as he felt how he had lost something important. He wanted his mind to go blank, let him escape from this hell.

Sesshoumaru pulled out and rested with his head against InuYasha's back for a moment. When he had catched his breath somewhat he gently kissed InuYasha's skin once before rising up on his hands and looked down. He felt a pang of guilt at the sight of InuYasha's tears but he kicked back any feelings of guilt or regret he had at the moment.

He leaned down so that he was next to InuYasha's ear. "Don't think this ends now."

Through out the night InuYasha was trapped in what felt like a nightmare. His body was continuously assaulted. Many times was he taken and more times than he wanted to admit he was forced to join in this sick game. He even found release a few times but mostly was because of when his brother either sucked him or jerked his penis to the point where he felt pleasure. He hated him. He hated him for doing this to him. For taking him, for touching him in this way. For some reason being gentle with him when he was in pain. But most of all he hated himself. For being weak, for letting this happen. For finding pleasure ever so often when a tender touch was placed on him. He could never forgive both of them for this. They were brothers dammit.

Sesshoumaru made sure to enjoy InuYasha's body to the fullest. They had sex in many different positions. More than he thought possible in one bed but no matter how many times he came it was never enough. He was tired and wanted to rest but his love, his desire for InuYasha didn't let him too. He knew that once the sun rose it would all be over. So he made the most of the time he had to destroy everything between them. After tonight there would be nothing left and hopefully so would also his feelings die.

He didn't know in which round of sex InuYasha blanked out, somehow it didn't feel right to do anything to him when he wasn't aware of it but he needed release, badly. He pulled out and bit his lower lip to hold back a missing whine. He sat back against the head board, looked at InuYasha as he lay sprawled out in the aftermath. The sight was erotic for his dazed mind and he took himself in hand and began stroking. Soon he found his release and he let out a long breath as he closed his eyes. His mind felt strangely at ease but the moment was soon shattered when he opened them again.

To his horror he saw what he couldn't before. InuYasha lay before him and no matter how he looked at it he realized just what had occurred here tonight. He saw the semen all over the youths body, it even dripped from his butt. Blood. He finally saw the blood on InuYasha's thighs and backside. It was smeared in obvious finger prints. His fingers. Oh Gods. He couldn't tell how much tears InuYasha had cried but there were spots on the bed that obviously didn't come from their sweaty bodies. There were even bruises forming on InuYasha's body that he knew was because of him.

The impact was to much and he wanted to die. He felt numb when he slowly reached for the cover that had somehow been pushed to the floor and with it he covered InuYasha, to keep him warm. Sunrise wasn't far away but this was already feeling like the longest, most agonizing hour of his life.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Slowly he opened his eyes. There were a hazy blur in front of them and his mind didn't take up anything around him. Strangely he felt warm and safe, the sunlight coming through the window warmed him. If possible he wanted to stay like that forever.

Then it all came back to him. Last night's horror. The rape, the humiliation, the horrible reality of his own older brother being the one assaulting him. He had been taken, fucked and used in every way of the words. And by his brother no less. HIS BROTHER!!! InuYasha closed his eyes in shame, how he wished to die.

It was then that a thought striked him to the core. Where was Sesshoumaru?

InuYasha looked up but he couldn't see anything except the edge of the bed. With a terrified ache in his stomach he turned his head, his body protested against it and his hair fell over his face. He had to close his eyes for a moment to deal with the pain but when he opened them again he was struck with fear.

Sesshoumaru sat on the bed, still naked and looked at him. Watching him the whole time and God knew what he was thinking. If only he could run away but his body wouldn't listen to him. InuYasha inched away as fast as he could but still the pain from his lower region and back protested against it and he bit down as a new wave of pain washed over him.

"InuYasha." came a soft voice that tried to get his attention.

InuYasha's eyes opened wide at the softness of the voice and the question that lay on his tongue, "Why?" Tears fell from his dry eyes. "Why did you do this to me?" his voice broke at the end, unable to finish it.

Sesshoumaru stared down at InuYasha, confused over everything that had happened between them. But more than that, it wasn't dying.

Even after he did that awful thing to InuYasha, his feelings weren't dying. If anything it was still as strong and now with sadness at what he had done. Never had he thought his love for someone would feel so clear after he violated the one he loved.

He was disgusting.

Sesshoumaru reached down and touched his little brother's face. The midnight hair felt soft and the skin firm as he brushed against it. The tension at his touch hurt him but he knew he deserved it.

"I'm sorry." he whispered in the dead silence. "I'm so sorry, InuYasha."

InuYasha relaxed a little and with confusion looked up to see if he heard right. Much to his surprise he saw for the first time his brother's crying face. The normally unreadable eyes were wide, open and unguarded. Big tears fell down his cheeks and dropped at his chin and InuYasha couldn't look away, not even move away from the others tender touch. For the first time he saw how human his brother was. He saw under the guarded expression of someone who was still young and had to grow up fast. He saw the mixture of emotions, the uncertainty, the guilt and something else he couldn't label.

"I love you.. more than anyone."

InuYasha gasped at the admition.

"I love you..... I love you..... I love you...." he couldn't say anything else now that he had said the words. "I love you.... I love you.... I love you.... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you...." his mind couldn't keep up with his own mouth. "I love you... I love you.... I...." he did such horrible things to InuYasha but why....why was he the one broken?

His hand stopped for a moment and his lips trembled as he fought his next words out. "But... I can't... love you....... like this." the words hurt to say but he had too. He had to for the both of them. Their life could never go back to what it used to be and he can't go on with this hopeless love with the ties that already binds them together. "I can't love you......like this." his eyes closed for the first time in hours but it didn't stop the tears from escaping.

Strangely enough, he didn't feel so scared anymore. It felt like he had just woken up to something new. He lay still and watched everything play out before him. He felt warm inside and the disgust in himself and his brother was gone. For the first time, maybe in years even, InuYasha felt something new grew in his chest and he didn't want to let it go.

The End or To be Continued?
It's up to you to decide!