InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Can't Love You Like This ❯ Chapter 7

Author Note: I have been neglecting my writing and I feel guilty, I really miss those times when I could sit a whole day and type down one chapter in three hours. The freedom, in many ways, are something I miss greatly. This year haven't been my best, far from it and I hope it will soon be over too. So I can go back to those days.

 

Summary: In order to escape his sinful love he tried to destroy them. Now he tries to create a future where they can be together, and amend what he have done.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha. I don't get anything for my work.

 

Pairing/Rating: Sesshoumaru/InuYasha. Mature readers only since it contains serious subjects.

 

Warning: Incest, non-con/rape, m/m, anal, oral, solo, voyeurism, foul languish, death wish.

 

Read, Enjoy & Review.

 

I Can't Love You Like This

By Monkan & Beta Ducky Dazzy

 

Chapter 7

 

The room was quiet as the hush talking by the staff drifted through the door. The room was like any typical hospital room with four beds in it, two were occupied. In one laid a middle age woman, sleeping on her side with the cover pulled up to her shoulder. Her glasses laid on the night stand beside her and a book with a water glass.

 

In the other bed across the room laid InuYasha. His wrists and hands had been treated and bandaged all the way out to his fingertips. They rested on top of the cover that ended at his waist. He wore some lose T-shirt and sweat pants the hospital had in storage. His face was pale and he was sleeping under the drugs they had given him. His hair lay around him on the pillow, pulled together to keep it from getting in the way.

 

At his side in a chair sat Sesshoumaru, staring at his little brother as he tried to grasp what had happened.

 

InuYasha had tried to commit suicide. He kept that one sentence repeating in his head but he couldn't believe it. The whole night so far seemed surreal. Just yesterday everything had been fine and he had thought they were growing closer. Maybe he had just fooled himself.

 

A soft knock on the wall drew his attention and he looked around to see a nurse with chestnut coloured hair standing there.

 

“Excuse me, there's a phone call from your father.”

 

Something inside Sesshoumaru stilled. “I'll take it.” he stated as he rose and followed her to the phone at the reception.

 

The nurse there saw him and blushed before going back to her task.

 

He took the phone and raised it to his ear. “Hello.”

 

There were short silence. “No, he's OK.” Sesshoumaru closed his eyes as he listened to the rumbling voice of his father over the line. “Yes.” he opened them again. “No.” he looked over at the wall and found the painting hanging there to be some kind of mistake in what art was all about. “No that won't be necessarily.” he looked down that hall to where InuYasha`s room were. He let out a sigh and his voice fell to a deathly cold level.

 

“Do you want to repeat the mistake you did with me? If not then stay away from us. You didn't need us back then and we don't need you any more. Don't start acting like you care, it's to late. I will take care of InuYasha and you can just stay away from us. Tell that to the hag too.”

 

*Click*

 

He hanged up and glared at the phone as if trying to kill who had been at the other end. Then he looked over at the receptionist and gave her a glare when he noticed her eavesdropping. She hurriedly turned back to her work.

 

He walked back down the mostly deserted hall, only some random nurse or patient walked past him. He turned back to the room and stood in the entryway, looking with sad eyes at InuYasha. His heart clenched painfully at how strange he seemed to look in the bed. It only rang in his head just how young InuYasha really was.

 

Sesshoumaru walked up to the edge and looked down, reaching out a hand he brushed his fingers against InuYasha's cold cheek. The sudden splash of water on his hand made him look down and a second drop followed only to land in the junction between two of his fingers. He wasn't even aware of the steady flow of tears from his eyes, he couldn't feel them. The pain in his heart dulled out the sensation and it left him feeling something crack inside him, hard.

 

It felt like his heart was a shooting target and each time a bullet hit it created cracks in his heart. The feeling made his throat contract and he couldn't draw his breath properly.

 

He raised his hand to his chest where it hurt and pressed it close. Biting his lower lip he sunk down to his knees, resting his head against the soft bedding and felt how the entire situation crashed down on him.

 

Everything he had done, all his feelings and love that he had tried to show InuYasha had lead to this. He was the sole reason this happened. He had been wrong in ever letting his feelings rule him. He should had died with his secret and no one but him would had gotten hurt. Only his heart would had had to bleed as the thorns of his sinful love tore him apart. He alone was to blame for this.

 

Was his whole existence only to torment those he cared for and loved. He couldn't protect anything without breaking it. No matter how much he wanted to cherish someone he would only end up hurting them. Everything he touched turned to dust and crumbled through his fingers, leaving him alone and hurting.

 

Was it to much to ask for someone to love without being hurt? He hadn't wanted it to be InuYasha. If it could had been anyone, ANYONE in the entire world but InuYasha then it would had probably been enough to save him. He lost everything. He could hold nothing in his arms and he had barely managed to hold onto InuYasha, but he was clearly losing him too now.

 

All his love ever did was bring misery to others. He wasn't made to love or be loved.

 

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry, InuYasha. Please open your eyes. Please.......” he drew his breath deeply and let it out painfully. “If you do......... I will never say I love you again.” His hand reached out and took InuYasha's bandaged hand gently in his, his tear filled eyes lifted to gaze at the sleeping face. “Just open your eyes.”

 

-o-o-o-o-o-

 

“InuYasha?”

 

“Big Brother!” the child said happily. He bounced over to where his brother sat by his bed. “Does it hurt?” he asked when he saw the black mark crossing the older boys cheek.

 

The little boy, not even in his teens, raised his hand and touched the bruise. His cheek twitched a little but otherwise he gave a smile for his younger sibling.

 

“No. It doesn't. You wanna play?” he asked while picking up their home made game board they had created yesterday. The childish scribbling over the paper was crocked and full of misspelling but full of adventures and circles in different colours.

 

“Yes.” the baby boy said as he practically jumped up and down. He suddenly looked up curiously. “Mommy smells funny again.”

 

His brother flinched visibly and the colour drained from his face. When he tilted his head and looked at his baby brother he gave him a small smile. “Don't go near her tonight.” he whispered.

 

“I won't. I rather stay with you.” the child smiled as he turned back to their game. When his brother dumped the random chess pieces they would use for players the boy looked up at his big brother and didn't miss the look of sadness, nor the dark mark that was almost covered by his cloths at his throat.

 

-o-o-o-o-o-

 

InuYasha opened his eyes and looked and looked up at the ceiling and found he didn't recognized. His hands ached and--

 

“InuYasha!”

 

His attention snapped to the voice and his eyes filled with fear at the vision of his brother standing next to him. The expression of mixed anguish and relief on his brother's face stabbed him. He opened his lips and tried to say something but nothing came out with any proper meaning.

 

Sesshoumaru's face contorted slightly before returning to normal. The man with silver white hair that had stood almost bent over him, stood back, raised his head, stiffened his shoulders and his face became unreadable. Like a block of ice his heart shielded himself from the outside world.

 

“I'm happy you are ok, InuYasha.” was the monotone voice that reached him.

 

A doctor came in at that moment and Sesshoumaru stepped back as the doctor, only in his late thirties, examined InuYasha's hands. The bandages were stained with blood that had leaked through.

 

InuYasha could barely take his eyes away from his brother. His mental breakdown was still close to the surface and he was scared of letting his brother close to him but despite all that. Beyond the pain that he held inside of himself, the pain that surprisingly hurt the most right now was the obvious change and sudden distance between them.

 

“His wrists are healing well but I want him to remain here for another week.” the doc said before looking away from the clipboard. “If you want I can get one of our counsellors to come and talk with you and sort out what happened.”

 

“I'll think about it, doc.”

 

“All your results are normal so you are on good way--”

 

“INUYASHA!” screeched a voice behind them and within the second InuYasha was crushed in a hug.

 

“Ka-Kagome?” InuYasha stuttered in surprise. He raised his hands but the throbbing pain in them made him lower them. “What are you doing here?”

 

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed un-noticeably.

 

She pushed herself back by putting her hands on his shoulders. “I got a call from a friend to my family that works here. She told me someone under your name had been admitted and I rushed here to make sure and I really found you here.”

 

“If you need anything you can just call for me.” the doctor said before making his exit.

 

Sesshoumaru could only stand there helplessly as Kagome ranted and asked every question between heaven and earth. He even caught the dirty look from the other patient in the room and understood completely.

 

But he couldn't do anything.

 

No matter how much he wanted to rip that woman away from InuYasha he had no right any more. He was burning with jealousy but there was nothing he could do about it. He was standing alone once more and it was already tearing him apart.

 

-o-o-o-o-

 

The day went by slowly and Sesshoumaru spent most of his time at the hospital but the air between them were tense and neither really looked each other in the eye. At the end of the next day InuYasha was finally released, his hands still bandaged and he had been taught to change it for himself when he was home.

 

What had happened hanged heavy between them and neither spoke to break it.

 

Sesshoumaru walked first into the house and without a second look back he walked to the kitchen. InuYasha closed the door with his aching hand when he heard the sound of running water.

 

The youngster looked down at his hands, covered in bandages. They hurt and sometimes it hurt to much to even move them. He wasn't even sure why had cut his hands, the reason from that night was getting blurry and slipped from his mind.

 

“Are you hungry?” asked Sesshoumaru from the kitchen, his voice somewhat mild and emotionless.

 

InuYasha looked up and saw Sesshoumaru standing at the door to the kitchen and looked at him. It was the first time in over two days their eyes meet.

 

“Yes.” was all InuYasha could say.

 

“Anything you specific want?”

 

He didn't like it, the look in his big brothers eyes.

 

“No.”

 

“Right.” Sesshoumaru turned and disappeared back into the kitchen. The sound of the fridge opening.

 

It wasn't the eyes that had looked at him for the past months. Even before that night, it wasn't those eyes any more.

 

InuYasha followed his brother and looked at his back while he closed the fridge and put something on the bench. He took a frying pan from the cabinet above, put it on the stove and turned it on. He even turned on the oven to let it gain some heat.

 

This wasn't his brother. His brother wasn't this cold toward him, this... dead.

 

InuYasha took a step forward, “Se--” his hand reached out his hand but it stopped him dead in his track. His eyes filled with the vision of his bandaged hand and it suddenly became all to clear to him why he had attacked his own hands.

 

Sesshoumaru turned around at the sound and saw InuYasha standing halfway to him, looking at his hand. A stab of worry ran through him.

 

“Does your hands hurt, InuYasha?” he dropped what he was doing and turned around, crossing the steps between them and almost took InuYasha's hand in his before he hesitated. If they hurt then he could make it worse by touching them. InuYasha's eyes staring at his own hands made him nervous that something was wrong but he couldn't confirm anything. “InuYasha.” he tried again.

 

InuYasha's fingers started to close but they didn't make it even half way to his palm before hot small shots of pain ran through his hand and up to his shoulder. “I'm sorry.”

 

“Huh?” Sesshoumaru blinked once, not sure if he had heard him.

 

The teenagers hand reached out to clumsy trying to grab onto Sesshoumaru's shirt. But he couldn't feel the material against his skin and his fingers became stiff from the pain. “I'm sorry.” InuYasha said once more before turning around and left.

 

He ran to his room and kicked the door closed. His hands twitched at his side.

 

In the kitchen Sesshoumaru stood leaning against the counter, his hands gripping onto the edge so tightly he knuckles were turning white.

 

He wanted to hold him. He wanted to touch him. He wanted to go after him and make sure everything was all right. One of his hands let go of the counter to grab a hold of his other arm, gripping it tightly and tried to make his body stop shaking. Another crack in his heart appeared.

 

InuYasha stood still as he raised his hands into view. He covered his face and even through the thick layer of cloth covering his hands he could feel the sting of tears on his scars. It hurt. Everything hurt. No matter what he did it always hurt. And it hurt to know the reason why he had unconsciously cut into his own hands.

 

It was because no matter what happens and no matter what it means he always reach out for his brother in desperate hope of finding a receiving hand at the other end. A hand that he always foolishly thought would be there to lead him.

 

Little InuYasha laughed as his piece crossed the finish line. Beside him sat his big brother, mildly laughing with him as their childish happiness washed over them. Little InuYasha launched himself at his brother and hugged him.

 

He hadn't changed from that time.... at all.

 

To Be Continued