InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Will Wait ❯ Chapter Six: Longing and Desire ( Chapter 6 )

A/N: Once again, the reason for making you wait is being too lazy to type. Heh. This has been written for a while, but I was just like `hmm….typing, or FFV…' Sorry guys, FFV won out. I hope to write (and type) the next chapter soon.

 

I Will Wait

By: Banshee Puppet

Chapter Six: Longing and Desire

 

`I've dreamed of her again.'

 

Sesshomaru looked out the window at the panoramic view of the Western Lands—his lands. These days he always awoke with longing. He never wanted…love. It was a hard enough word for him to think, let alone say, but he found that the longer he was away from her, the stronger the ache in his chest became. Even the servants noticed his strangeness. He was cranky and would get irritable and snap at people for no reason. Yesterday, he'd even yelled at Rin for something as trivial as not finishing her supper.

 

`This has to stop.' The thought echoed aimlessly through his still groggy mind. It wasn't yet dawn as he dressed, leaving his armor behind for sake of stealth. He knew the rest of the house would yet be in slumber as he padded lightly through the halls with Toukjin and Tenseiga at his side. He gave pause at the human child's room and looked in on her, happily curled under the covers. She would be devastated when she found him gone without a word, but he had to go. He needed to see her or he'd go mad—and the thought of slinking away to do so—that was a madness of its own. “I will see you again,” he wispered to the slumbering child before moving further along, away from his home. He had to see her again, just had to—instinct bordering on insanity. If only he could catch a glimpse of her, he felt, he could be at peace, at least for a little while. Just a glance and then he would return. Perhaps, if he was seen, he would bother Inuyasha about the Tetsusaiga again. He didn't really want it anymore, but he couldn't accept his true purpose being discovered.

 

The memory of Kagome's world left a lingering echo in his chest as well. When her purpose was complete, would she return, could he live in such a cluttered world? But he was getting ahead of himself again.

 

`Kagome, what have you done to me? You've made me strange.'

 

*~*~*

 

It was a beautiful day. Kagome stretched her legs out in front of her. Since they'd gotten back the shards she'd lost plus three more in less than a month, even Inuyasha didn't complain much when the others demanded a day off. The miko let her mind wander. It was March, and though the winter had been mild, it was a relief to know the snow was gone and the flowers once again in bloom.

 

It had been five months since Sesshomaru had fallen thorugh the well with her and she couldn't help but wonder what he was up to, as she'd been left with many fond memories of his short stay, as troublesome as it all had seemed at the time.

 

“Kagome.”

 

“Oh, Miroku. Is it time to go already?” she asked, blinking out of her thoughts.

 

The monk shook his head. “Not it's just that Inuyasha and Sango are doing that staring back and forth at each other as if no one notices thing again. She looks up, he looks away, you know, that thing. It's making me dizzy so I thought I'd sit here and talk with someone sane.”

 

“Only if you promise no groping!” Kagome chirped playfully.

 

Miroku's hand twitched. “Kagome! Really, I'm insulted!”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“Anyway, you looked deep in thought just now. What's on your mind?”

 

“It won't be much longer, will it?” Kagome replied. “We've got nearly all the shards collected. Ours, Naraku's, Kouga's…there probably aren't many more than that.”

 

“Mn,” Miroku nodded. “It seems things are coming to an end rather quickly. You'll get to go home soon.”

 

“…yeah,” the miko sighed. She should be happy to return to a normal life, and yet, there is so much that she would be leaving behind, so many wonderful memories and good friends. She didn't know that within the thick layer of trees, the youkai was watching, empathizing with her. She didn't belong in either world, she'd told him once. She didn't want to trouble her friends with such thoughts, but he could sense the worry in the miko's eyes. He'd intended only a glance, but now that she was before him, he couldn't tear his eyes away.

 

The monk beside her nodded and, much to Sesshomaru's rage, touched the girl's rear. He had an instinct to jump out and kill the mortal that was only thwarted by the swift slap the woman had given him, sending him sprawling into the lake. “I told you no groping!” she protested.

 

“Kagome.” Sesshomaru breathed her name. She was so much more radiant in reality than in memory or intangible dreams, and he found his irrational desire to hold her…to have her, had grown stronger and settled not in his chest, but deep down in his belly somewhere, as if the most secluded part of him simply could not exist without her. But she was only human, just a simple human woman. `What is wrong with me?'

 

He was standing behind a tree spying on a human. It didn't make sense. `I am being ridiculous!' He had almost just killed the lecherous monk for behaving in the way that was most expected of him. Kagome didn't belong to the youkai, he had no right to get angry, even if he wished otherwise was true.

 

Miroku rose after a long pause, rubbing his cheek, ringing out his robes, and good-naturedly muttering something about going to talk with Shippo.

 

Sesshomaru righted himself. He would simply speak to the human. If he had a definitive reply from her, he might be able to attain some peace of mind. He emerged from the foliage and stared at her for a long while across the lake until she looked up in surprise when she saw him there. “Sesshomaru.” She blinked, remembering all too clearly watching his broad shoulders disappear from view as she felt quite distinctly that there was something more that needed to be said between them, and an echo of that strange moment under the moonlight left a hollow, questioning echo in the back of her mind.

 

With easy grace, the youkai leapt over the body of water. Instinctively, as if something in Sesshomaru's measured stride was connected directly to her posture, Kagome roe to her feet . A long moment of thundering silence passed between them. “It's been a while,” she said to break it. “How are you?”

 

How should he answer that question? How was he? Mad. Quite out of his mind to be even considering this, though he hardly cared as he looked into the eyes of the woman he adored. Yes, he was quite insane. Of that much, at least, the Lord of the West was certain. Rather than say this, he chose instead not to answer her at all.

 

“I need to speak with you,” he stated.

 

“Ah…yes?”

 

“Not here,” he replied knowing Inuyasha and the fox kit, and those two other humans were not far off. He did not want to be interrupted before he had his answer. He also had trouble believing that he was actually doing this, being so forward, and also so…energized…just by the presence of this human girl, but…she was different, radiant, she glowed.

 

Meekly, and lost in that determined golden gaze, the miko nodded.

 

“Eep!” she squeaked softly as he lifted her and leapt across the lake once again. Before she realized what was happening

 

FILL IN FROM PROLOGUE

 

Sesshomaru found his throat quite dry and licked his lips unconsciously. The miko stepped back only to bump into a tree. That look in his eyes was misty and unsettling.

 

“Kagome.” His voice was slightly husky. He listend to her pulse thundering just beneath the layers of pale skin and found himself pressing his lips against her throat as if it would allow him to swallow that delicious sound, inhaling the soft scent of her ebon hair, licking lightly at that thundering pulse.

 

His mind screamed at him. `What are you doing?! This wasn't part of the plan! We were supposed to TALK about this!' But his lips savored the saltiness of her slender throat, traveled up to her jaw, along her chin. His fingers came up to run through her hair. “Kagome,” he breathed against her skin, sending a shiver down her spine.

 

`What is he…?!?' Mayday! Mayday! Danger! Her mind screamed at her and flashed a multitude of hazard lights in case she didn't recognized that this was dangerous all on her own. Sesshomaru was a dangerous man—king, but dangerous, so knowing this, why were her fingers curling against his strong shoulders? Why was she allowing his gentle kisses to take her breath away?

 

“Se-sesshomaru?” she asked unsteadily, her body shivering under his gentle caress and a small amount of fear.

 

Longing—that had been the look she had seen in his eyes so many times, longing and desire. `For me? That's just not possible!'

 

But as she thought it, his lips found hers and descended firmly upon them. `Omigod!!' her brain panicked as she gasped against his mouth.

 

Hungrily the demon suckled her lower lip, then her upper, before he was able to pull away from the drunken sensation and parted from her. “Gomennasai.” It was a muted whisper as he looked off into the distance, ashamed of his lack of control. “I really did intend only to speak with you.”

 

Blinking, Kagome brought her fingers to her lips, stunned into silence for a long moment. “I…I'm listening,” she finally managed to say. `Did he just apologize? Sesshomaru?' It was unheard of.

 

Ah but then what should he say, now that he had her attention. And how should he say it?

 

“Since entering your time, I have thought much about this. I will live many years, likely into that noisy era, to which you will eventually return. For a woman who does not fully belong in either this time, or the time of the future…who then is better suited to you than I am?”

 

She'd never seen the Western lord look so nervous! His posture just screamed, `I'm not sure about this' or `this may be a bad idea'. It was cute, to be quite frank about it, though she knew better than to say so.

 

`Is he saying what I think he's saying? He wants to be my boyfriend? Sesshomaru??'

 

“Are you saying…”

 

“I can live in your world, Kagome. I am certain of it. I will survive to meet you again. If you can accept my feelings,” he said, locking her gaze earnestly, with a simple honest in his eyes that she had never seen the likes of before, “then I will wait for your return to my side.”

 

“Sesshomaru, but…that's ridiculous! It's HUNDREDS of years!” the miko protested.

 

“I am patient,” he insisted stubbornly. Now there's a much more familiar Sesshomaru. This one was easier to deal with. “I will be quite old by that time I suppose, even by the standards of a youkai. Does it disgust you, trying to imagine yourself with such an old man?”

 

Kagome blushed and shook her head. “It…doesn't disgust me. I'm just surprised…and flattered.”

 

Her tone was not one of excitement, and the way she spoke caused a sinking feeling in Sesshomaru's chest. “But you do not feel the same,” he said in understanding. He wanted her terribly, but if his feelings weren't reciprocated even he couldn't force that to change.

 

“I…well,” Kagome hedged. She had never considered it. Sesshomaru, lord of the Western Lands, and her? It was too left field. She thought back to their time together. “I'll admit to an attraction,” she said at length. “But I don't know. It just seems…odd—like one of those dreams that make so little sense that you wake up wondering what's real.”

 

She was so frank that he couldn't help a bit of gentleness, a tiny, almost nonexistent smile, as he looked down upon her and rested his hand upon her cheek. “I assure you that I am quite real,” he said. “This hand on your cheek is real, and that I grow mad when you are not near: this also is very much reality. And yet, I will give you time to…consider. But when we meet again, I will expect an answer from you.”

 

What could she say? How should he answer? A phantom of his lips lingered on his skin and she felt like she had felt that same phantom a thousand times, in many long and complex dreams. Looking into his eyes, she felt like she'd been looking into them forever, lifetime after lifetime, and she didn't want to look away from them ever again.

 

“You want me to be you,” she gulped a bit, “mate?” It was so difficult to get her mind around this idea.

 

“My mate, yes,” he paused in that way that informed her that he intended to say more. He turned his gaze slowly to look upon her again with that strangely earnest gaze that caught her so very off guard. “And my lover,” he said. “And my wife.”

 

Mate. Lover. Wife. “What's the difference?” she mumbled before she realized she was speaking aloud.

 

“A mate is someone you breed with for the purpose of bearing pups,” he elucidated, then reached up thoughtlessly to run his fingers through the dark strands of her hair. “A lover is someone you engage in intercourse with because you care for them and enjoy doing so.” His hand cupped her cheek and with a strange uncertainty in his eyes he said, “a wife is someone who you wish to have by your side only, whose existence completes you. Who you…” his lips got stuck on the last word.

 

Around her parched throat, her thundering heartbeat, Kagome managed to help him. “…love?” she asked in a tiny voice.

 

He nodded gravely. “Yes, a wife is someone who you love.”

 

“But, I'm a human, Sesshomaru.”

 

He looked down and away from her as if that word was a deep wound—human. “I know,” he answered at length. “Is that not all the more reason to believe that this is an honest confession?”

 

Hesitation. Confusion. Sorrow. “You are Kagome. Anything else that may be true I no longer care about.” He let his hand drop then and turned on his heel as if to leave.

 

“I have heard it said that one's life is determined by the road they choose to walk, but many times I have found that there is only one road, as in the current situation, but I will not run from it. I will wait for you until the day I die, even if you never come. Please consider it before we meet again. If I am going to die alone, I would like to know in advance so I can prepare.”

 

Kagome was confused but she knew Sesshomaru's words made her chest ache. In spite of his stern posture, his steady tone, he was suffering. Suffering, and also, she realized, walking away.

 

Her body sprung into action of its own accord, running the few steps it took to latch onto him from behind. She could feel the muscles tense in surprise and wondered where his armor was because it was better than thinking about the fact that she was currently embracing a very dangerous man.

 

“…Kagome?”

 

“Don't…don't get me wrong,” the miko said, sending shivers of warm breath across his spine. “I'm not saying it's love, but for some reason, to me, the most painful thing in the world is watching your back as you walk away from me. So I…can't I just, you know, start as your girlfriend, or something? Like a test run?”

 

`Girlfriend?' he wondered. `It must be something from her time.'

 

“What is this…girlfriend?”

 

“Well ah…it means we could spend time together…and talk…and we could,” she gulped slightly, “embrace, and…kiss.” Kagome blushed against his back.

 

`Ah, so she is giving me permission to court her. I see.'

 

“Please loosen your grip,” the youkai stated.

 

“Ah! Gomen!” Kagome yelped and let go of him, flushing brightly.

 

Sesshomaru turned, mirth edging into his eyes at her startled and embarrassed expression as he lifted his hand to run his fingers through her hair once more before curling his arm lightly around her back. “I did not tell you to let go,” he informed her in that clinical way he had, brushing his lips against a flushed cheek.

 

Tentatively, she gently hugged him back, and when he chose to `seal the deal' with a soft kiss—she'd given him permission after all—she returned it carefully, like someone who lacked in practice. It was difficult for him to pull away from the endearing little gesture, which only made him want her all that much more.

 

The hunger in his eyes left Kagome feeling breathless. That someone would look that way at her was something her mind couldn't quite wrap around. Well, her mind couldn't wrap around much for a long instant. Sesshomaru was a really good kisser! She laughed at herself mentally for that.

 

“There is a harvest celebration next month in a village not far from the Western Lands. Both human and demon participate. Will you come?”

 

`He's…inviting me…?' “Like…a date?”

 

“Of course,” he said, feeling he'd already made that much quite obvious. “It is an open celebration. You may bring your friends as long as you promise that I will have some time alone with you.”

 

Now there was the self-assured Western Lord she'd grown to know over the years. “Ah…okay. I'll be there.”

 

He offered Kagome a small smile, and as miniscule as it was, she knew it meant that he was excessively happy. It made her shiver a bit though—what a handsome expression! He looked even more gorgeous when he smiled, something she couldn't imagine to be possible.

 

“Then I will wait to see you again until that time. Close your eyes, Kagome.”

 

She blinked, but did as she was told, and some long moments later, when she decided to peek and open them, she found he was gone. `Because I told him it was painful to watch him walk away.' If the entire thing wasn't so emotionally exhausting, she probably would have squealed in delight at the gesture, but as it was, she slumped against the tree with a heavy exhale. `He's actually very sweet, though he'd probably be insulted if I told him so. `And this gorgeous and sweet man wants to be with me.'

 

`I will wait,' he'd told her. In the end, maybe that alone was her undoing.