InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Identity Crisis ❯ Chapter Seventeen ( Chapter 17 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: ladygriddlebone 
Naraku is a sneaky bastard; gifts from friendly demons often come in handy.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 07.26.2009 | Updated On: 03.27.2010 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 687 | Status: Completed
Naraku is a sneaky bastard; gifts from friendly demons often come in handy.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 07.26.2009 | Updated On: 03.27.2010 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 687 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.
Chapter Seventeen
The travelers did not even stop to eat over the course of the next day and, after pressing onward at full speed nearly all day, arrived at Mushin's temple shortly after nightfall. The temple was quiet and dark, so they approached with caution. There was no telling what might await them here. Even though they were weary from the day's journey, they all knew it was of utmost importance to find Mushin right away.
Inuyasha glared at the darkened building, where it loomed against the night sky. He dragged Miroku behind him and led the way into the temple, pausing just inside the main door. "Stay here," he ordered. "I'll take Miroku and find the monk."
Kagome and Sango glanced at each other for a moment before nodding cautiously. It was obvious that Inuyasha was not taking any chances with Miroku, not after what had happened yesterday.
As Inuyasha strode away, Miroku in tow, Kagome poked her head into one of the storage rooms. "Let's find some candles," she suggested.
Sango fell into step behind Kagome and Shippo as they headed into the storage room, but her mind was wandering. She wondered how Kagome could handle all of this so well; she had all but brushed off the fact that Miroku had tried to kidnap her, had barely even mentioned the way he had tried to use the wind tunnel on Sango and Inuyasha, and had taken Sango's embarrassed and confused account of the past few days completely in stride.
In comparison, Sango felt lost and out of control. She envied the other girl's composure. She might be able to put up a strong and confident front - she supposed that her slayer's training had not been completely in vain - but her insides churned with turmoil. Fear, however well or poorly hidden, was always present: what if they couldn't save Miroku?
They searched for candles or lamps in the storage room, Kagome's flashlight cutting through only a small portion of the gloom. Sango reflected that, knowing what she did of Mushin, it would not be surprising to find the old monk passed out on the floor somewhere, sake bottle in hand. She sighed. If there was ever a time when they needed Mushin not to be Mushin, this would be it.
"Ah hah!" Kagome announced triumphantly, holding up two small candles procured from some cobwebby corner.
From elsewhere in the temple, Inuyasha's voice could be heard, cursing at Mushin and demanding that the old drunkard wake up. Sango headed toward the source of the sound, leaving Kagome to deal with the candles and their supplies.
It was not difficult to find them; in the time it took her to walk over, Mushin had lit a lamp, and a small circle of light surrounded him and the others. The scene was surprising. Inuyasha was astonishingly calm, describing the events that had led to Miroku's possession as best as he could based on what he had overheard of Sango's account, and in turn Mushin seemed shockingly sober. Miroku was as ominously quiet as he had been all day, but this time he was staring at her. His eyes glinted darkly in the light. She wondered what he was thinking, if he was thinking, or if he was subsumed completely by whatever was controlling him, and had to look away.
"I will begin the exorcism right away," Mushin said.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Sango asked.
She thought she heard Inuyasha mutter, "Yeah, quit blaming yourself," but she could not be sure. What she was sure of was that the look the monk and hanyou exchanged could mean nothing good.
"If you would be so kind," Mushin began, in that ingratiating tone that often got him what he wanted - and made Sango fairly prickle with anger. "We will require food, water, and fresh sake when we are done here. Inuyasha has volunteered to assist with the exorcism, but if you would take care of the rest… it would be appreciated."
Sango bristled. It was all she could do not to scream at Inuyasha. He had to be the one that had suggested keeping her out of the exorcism... How could he just send her away like some useless, misbehaved child? She needed to help, to know that Miroku would be okay. And he would not even let her watch.
Knowing it was pointless to argue with Inuyasha, who looked about read to throw her out by brute force if necessary, and was more than strong enough to do it, Sango grabbed the water bucket from the corner and left. As she fled, she tried desperately to convince herself that Inuyasha was just trying to protect her, and not motivated by some supposed shortcoming on her part, but it did little to assuage the urge to lob the damned bucket at his head.
-----
It had been strangely difficult to avoid flinching when Inuyasha saw the pain and anger in Sango's eyes after being asked to waste time with menial chores while he and Mushin saw to the exorcism. But somehow he had managed to steel himself to apparent indifference, even when his ears wanted to droop with shared pain.
He knew that she was likely to be even more hurt if she stuck around for the exorcism and things got ugly. He wouldn't put it past Naraku to have one last trap in store, or to attempt to use Miroku to target Sango again. She had been hurt enough lately; he would not let it happen again. Not on his watch. And he was not about to let the monk do something that stupid, either.
He turned his attention back to the monk, subconsciously tightening his grip on Miroku as he did so. Mushin actually seemed to know what he was doing. Once Sango departed, he set to work straight away. He readied a second lamp in case the first one should run low on oil and began preparing a number of scrolls that, Inuyasha assumed, would be used to expel whatever was inside Miroku.
"Make sure you hold him still, Inuyasha," the monk murmured.
"Yeah, yeah, I got him." He peered skeptically at Mushin. "You done already?" At the monk's nod, and swig of sake, he added, "That's it?" He had never paid much attention to Miroku's so-called exorcisms before, always assuming that there was no truth in Miroku's claims of demonic possession.
"If this doesn't work, there are other methods that may be tried."
"Yeah, whatever. Just fix him." Inuyasha honestly tried his best to be patient while Mushin murmured some sort of chant and began placing the fresh scrolls at various points along Miroku's body, but he was getting fed up with having to hang onto Miroku all the time. The sooner they got this taken care of, the better. They would be able to return to their quest to find the jewel shards and destroy Naraku - who deserved a painful, lingering death even more for this latest scheme.
Mushin finished with his chant and placed the last scroll against Miroku; it stuck and gave off a faint smoldering scent. Inuyasha's nose twitched.
"That should just about do it," the old monk commented. "You may release him now. He should be immobilized by the scrolls until the evil has been dispersed." A moment later, he added, "Whatever this is, it's strong, and it's not quite like anything I've seen before."
A nasty smell started coming from… somewhere. Inuyasha blinked in surprise. Miroku was emanating a dark aura, almost like one of Naraku's miasmas. Suddenly, he collapsed, more of the miasma leaking from his mouth. The flow slowed to a trickle and stopped altogether a few beats later. Inuyasha managed to catch him before he could hit the ground, but for a moment the hanyou was speechless.
"You sure you did that right?" he asked finally, with a glare in Mushin's direction. The monk did not seem to notice; all of his attention was focused on Miroku.
Inuyasha kept glancing toward the door. It seemed like Sango had been gone an inordinately long time. With Miroku's life at stake, he would have thought she would at least try to hurry. It was not like her to dawdle in any case; he had to wonder if excluding her had hurt her feelings more than he had thought it would.
Almost as suddenly as he had collapsed, Miroku blinked his eyes rapidly, and the dark aura in the room disappeared completely. Inuyasha eased him to the floor, onto the mat Mushin had been sleeping on.
"Water," he murmured.
"Sango's getting water," Inuyasha told him.
"Sango… is she safe?"
"Keh. Everyone's safe. No thanks to you, moron."
"Sorry." Miroku groaned. Inuyasha frowned. Something wasn't right. The foul smell from earlier lingered, even if the dark aura did not. Miroku's breathing was light and fast, and it almost looked like he was feverish and sweating. With another groan, he lost consciousness.
"Hey, what the hell's wrong with him? I thought you said you did it right, old man."
"This is not a possession, Inuyasha," Mushin said, the slightest touch of caution in his voice. "The dark aura has gone. If I'm not mistaken, this is poison."
Poison? That would explain the stench, but if it was poison, the situation was much more dire than they had thought. And how the hell had Naraku managed to get poison into Miroku and not have it affect him until he was purified? Sneaky bastard…
And that reminded him of something else.
"Where the hell is Sango? She should have been back by now," Inuyasha growled.
"She may have had difficulty finding the well -"
"She's been here before... she's not that stupid. I'll find her. You stay here with that idiot, and make sure he doesn't die or anything like that," Inuyasha snapped. He bounded from the room with one last backward glance. Miroku, you better not die, you idiot!
-----
Sango stormed out of the temple, wooden bucket in hand. She did not recall exactly where the temple well was, but she was determined to find it and return as quickly as possible so she could upend the bucket over that damn hanyou's head. Kagome noticed her agitation and came running after her, leaving Shippo and Kirara to their own devices inside.
"Sango, wait!"
She slowed down, but just a bit, so the other girl could catch up. "What happened back there?"
"They sent me for water. Inuyasha doesn't want me around during the exorcism." Logic told her that it was a bad idea for her to be nearby during the process, for any number of reasons. None of that changed the fact that she was desperate to help in any way she could… But preferably in a way that was more meaningful than making sure everyone had water and food for after the deed was done.
"He's trying to protect you, you know," Kagome said quietly.
"I know." Sango's voice was sullen, even to her own ears. "But I don't need him to protect me." Except that she sometimes did, and more often than she would prefer to admit. Still, after all they had just been through, she did not think she needed to be protected from Miroku. She wanted to be beside him, not sent on stupid errands to keep her out of the way.
"Sango, I'm sure it doesn't have anything to do with what's happened lately. Inuyasha isn't like that. He just doesn't want to see you get hurt…" She looked back toward the temple, and Sango could practically hear her thinking that Inuyasha had better just not want Sango to get hurt.
"I know," she said, her anger subdued for now. "But how would you feel if Inuyasha was in trouble, and we sent you away?"
Kagome was silent then, her expression downcast. "I'm sorry," she said, finally. "Let's go get that water and get back as fast as we can. I'll get some food cooking, too, so you can go see how Miroku is doing." Under her breath, she added, "I wish Inuyasha wasn't so pig-headed sometimes…"
They found the well with little trouble, and filled the bucket Mushin had indicated Sango should take as well as a second bucket that was lying beside the well. By the time they finally got back to the temple, Sango's temper had frayed to a few delicate strands. She was praying for some sort of distraction, and she got one.
When they entered the main room, Shippo was noisily digging through Kagome's backpack, looking for something.
"Shippo!" Kagome scolded, setting down her bucket and rushing over to pull the fox kit out of her pack. "If you want something out of there, you just have to ask!"
Sango wondered if it was just her imagination, or if Kagome was growing redder and redder. She waited until Shippo had made his plea for more candy - and had been given what he wanted and run off to enjoy it - before abandoning her own bucket beside the door and approaching her friend.
"Is something wrong, Kagome?"
Kagome let out an "eep" sound and jumped in surprise when Sango spoke; apparently she had not realized that she had been followed. "N-nothing's wrong, Sango."
With a sigh, Sango sat down, closing her eyes and leaning against the wall. She felt exhausted, drained… helpless. She had almost hoped that Kagome was concerned about something, just so she would have something to talk about that wasn't Miroku, or so she might have something to do to keep herself occupied. Something that didn't involve water or cooking, preferably.
"Actually," Kagome said, hesitantly enough that Sango opened her eyes to look at her, "Can I get you to hold onto something for me?"
"Do you mind if I ask why?"
Kagome blushed again. "It's… something my mom gave me, that I don't want Inuyasha to see."
"Oh, is it a gift for him?" Sango asked. "I don't mind keeping it for you."
"It's… not exactly a gift," Kagome groaned. "And it's not something a child like Shippo should see. Here." She pressed a smallish paper box into Sango's hands.
The description on the outside of the box included many symbols with which she was not familiar, but what she did understand made Sango blink. Pleasure enhancing? "Kagome… what is this stuff?"
"It's… birth control," Kagome admitted after a long pause.
"Birth control?" Sango blinked rapidly.
"You know… so I won't get pregnant if I…" her voice grew very quiet, "sleep with Inuyasha."
"Oh." Sango glanced nervously at the innocent-looking box in her hands. "I guess I can keep it for you, if you don't think you'll need it…"
All of a sudden, Kagome's expression went from embarrassed to sly. "You know, you could use some of them, if you wanted to."
Sango felt her cheeks heat; there was no doubt that she was blushing bright red. "No way, I could never do that!" she protested, shoving the box into her bag with what she hoped was a strong sense of finality. If Miroku so much as knew she was keeping such a thing for Kagome, she would never hear the end of it.
If Miroku even survived the exorcism ritual. If he ever returned to being the smiling, joking monk she was used to. He had been so serious and somber lately…
Kagome stood up suddenly. "Inuyasha… what's wrong?"
Sango hurriedly tied her bag closed, remembering that Kagome did not want Inuyasha to know about the birth control for some reason, and joined her friend. She had not heard the hanyou enter the room, and appreciated the warning Kagome had given her.
"Something's wrong with the monk," he said.
For a moment it felt like Sango's heart had stopped in her chest. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice hushed with fear.
"Keh. Go see for yourself. Mushin thinks it's some sorta delayed-release poison, or something."
"Poison?" Kagome said, incredulously.
Sango was too busy digging through her bag to answer. She knew Midori's anti-poison remedy was in there somewhere… it had to be. She wasn't sure it would work on someone that had already been poisoned, but if Mushin's suspicions turned out to be correct, they had no other recourse.
Her fingers found the small vial and gripped it tight. Besides, if it would protect against poison, maybe it would be useful against Naraku's hell insects in the future. Provided Miroku lived through this.
I can't let him die now. Not after everything we went through…
Summoning hope and courage, she dashed through the temple. Her footsteps echoed loudly and ominously in the empty building, but she tried to remain undeterred. Behind her, Inuyasha and Kagome followed at a slightly less breakneck pace.
"You say he's been poisoned?" she asked Mushin. She had to consciously still her hands from shaking, and from gripping the vial of Midori's medicine too tightly. Mushin nodded, and she finally let her gaze drift over Miroku's form. He was pallid and sweaty, looking very much as he did after sucking Naraku's poisonous insects into the wind tunnel. She had to admit, Mushin was probably right.
She drew a deep breath. "I hope this works, then."
-----
Miroku drifted in and out of consciousness. It was during one of his brief moments of lucidity that Sango managed to get him to drink Midori's anti-poison concoction. She settled near him and refused to leave his side, even when Kagome urged her to get some sleep.
She paid little mind to her companions, though Kagome and Shippo tried to lure her into conversation about the strange poison and its possible origins, or about Naraku's motive for targeting Miroku in the first place. Their theories grew increasingly wild, and oftentimes silly, as the night wore on, but Sango found none of it amusing. Midnight came and went, and the others left her alone after that.
It was sometime near dawn when Miroku's fever broke, and the effects of the poison began to dissipate. When his expression relaxed and his breathing grew deep and even instead of labored, Sango finally allowed herself to breathe a tentative sigh of relief.
The waiting had seemed interminable. She hated being unable to help, hated knowing she had done all she could and it was still not enough. But if Miroku was alive, that was all that mattered. The rest paled in comparison and fell by the wayside.
The arrival of dawn saw Sango still beside him, sleeping fitfully on the mat that Kagome had left for her, keeping vigil in her own way.
-----
It was two days before Miroku felt recovered enough to get up and about the temple. Sango had spent those two days alternately watching over him or hovering anxiously outside the room in which he slept. He supposed it was comforting for her to be near him, even as he knew that her inability to help speed his recovery threatened to drive her mad.
She was a warrior, a woman of action, and it must rankle to have done all she could without definitively resolving the situation. She, he knew well, would rather fight a demon any day than sit and wait to see if someone she cared deeply for would recover. Even so, he needed to take advantage of time alone. Not just for recovery, but also as a precious chance to think without interruption.
He had realized, during the course of his possession and meditations, that he needed to reevaluate not only his relationship with Sango, but what he expected to gain from that relationship. Somewhere along the line, his desires had shifted from mere physical gratification to a desire for something more. He had been driven by frustration and lust, and somehow had wound up with something different. Something more. Somewhere along the line he'd forgotten about his own selfish motivations, and shifted to caring for Sango more for her sake and less for his own.
The wanting was still there; in fact it seemed not to have abated at all, in spite of the numerous delays in reaching his goal. But it was strengthened, somehow, just as his bond with Sango had been strengthened. He'd stood beside her as much as she would allow, and he liked to think that they had passed the test. They'd survived, at the very least.
Now they just had to survive the aftermath.
Which meant that what he needed to think about now was the best way to continue forward from where they had ended up. He was no longer certain that this was a good time to become more deeply involved with Sango. Too much was at stake, and distractions would be ever more dangerous until Naraku was killed. This latest ploy, as his friends had explained it to him, was proof enough of that.
As much as it galled him to admit it, he would have to set aside thoughts of making love to Sango, at least for now. They would be safer in the long run if they waited to consummate their relationship until after Naraku was dead and gone. It would not be easy, or particularly pleasant, but he recognized it as the necessary course of action.
This line of thinking was part of what had led to his taking several days to fully recover. It was dangerous thinking, and he knew of no way at all to approach the subject with Sango, who seemed more at ease with doing than talking. She had taken to their growing closeness as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and he did not expect her to take the news well when he informed her that they needed to back off.
Not that she was likely to take kindly to any attempts to further their relationship with their friends present, either.
He sighed.
It was always the same with her. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. The actual situation might vary, but it was always the same underneath. Dealing with Sango always required a light, careful touch, or else the consequences had the potential to be quite dire.
He smiled. But when she let him get away with it… the effort was more than worth it. And he had to laugh at that. He, the practiced womanizer, was thrilled with even the slightest of allowances from this woman. His world had truly turned upside down.
He was in such a daze that he almost did not notice when Sango slipped into the room, bearing his dinner. More watered down, almost burned soup, no doubt. He supposed that he could blame his lack of attentiveness on his slow recovery, but found himself distracted by her unkempt appearance. It was obvious that she had not been sleeping well, if at all.
"Sango," he said, the raw tone of his voice surprising him even as his sudden outburst startled her. "I apologize for making such a burden of myself."
She set down the tray, laden with a bowl of steaming hot - and predictably half-burned - soup, and forced a smile. "Burden? It's no burden. Actually, I've been grateful for the rest."
He knew that was a lie, and wondered momentarily if he should press the matter. She probably would not take kindly to such interference.
"Hey, uhm," she began, breaking the silence with her customary awkwardness. "Listen, I'm sorry I let this happen to you."
"It's not your fault, Sango. It's no one's fault. We had no way of knowing what Naraku was up to."
She looked so forlorn; he was quickly losing his resolve to put some space between them. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, soothe her until the hurt went away for good. But he couldn't do that. Not now. Not yet.
"I should know better," she said. He knew to keep his mouth shut just from the tone of her voice. She needed to let this out. "I'm a demon slayer. I should have known better than to go off on my own. I should have known better than to let one failure affect me so much."
She sighed and hung her head; her hair slid forward, hiding her face from view.
"You should get some rest," he said. She seemed to quiver, but said nothing. He had a feeling he knew why she was still upset. She wanted him to do more to comfort her. There was nothing he could say that would not hurt or insult her.
So, against his better judgment, he settled for the one thing that seemed to help lately. With some effort, he pushed himself upright and pulled her into a hug. She came into his embrace willingly, and held tight to him. He let his arms circle her loosely and contented himself with just breathing in the scent of her.
This could be heaven, if they could both just let it.
But they couldn't.
This had to be the last time. The last time they let their feelings get the better of them. The last time they let this, beautiful though it might be, get in the way. The next time it happened, one or both of them could wind up dead. He reminded himself that it had very nearly resulted in their deaths this time, but it didn't matter.
He didn't want to let her go.
But he had to.
It took him a long time to work up the courage. Gradually, he pulled away from her, letting his hands come to rest on her shoulders, keeping her at arm's length. He studied her for a long moment, memorizing the look of trust on her face, and the way she looked when she let him get close and let her guard down, because he did not expect to see such things again.
There was a raw look to her face. She wasn't crying, but it looked like she might. He steeled himself against it as best as he could and, with a deep breath, took the plunge before he could chicken out.
"We can't keep doing this," he said, hating himself with every word. "It's too dangerous. Until Naraku is slain, we cannot take the chance of being distracted at a critical moment, or worse. If you were to become pregnant…" He could not continue, horrified at the thought of Naraku torturing Sango while she was with child, least of all his child, and it seemed Sango had heard enough as well.
"I… see. So that's how it is."
"I wasn't finished," he added, uselessly, as she rose to leave. Once, she might have stayed to hear him out. Obviously she was too unsettled - and hurt - to do so now. He sank back against the mat in defeat as she fled the room.
He wondered if she realized how hard it was for him to do the right thing, to just throw away everything he had so selfishly wanted.
Miroku sighed; he managed, somehow, to make it to his feet and staggered and wobbled his way into the temple common room. The poison may have left him feeling weak, but he had spent enough time abed. Right now it was more important to patch things up with Sango, if he even could.
-----
Sango could not stand to stay, no matter that Miroku claimed he had more to say than just that. She had been growing increasingly tense and anxious while he recovered, and his insistence that they put their relationship on hold until Naraku could be destroyed was doing nothing to help.
It only served to dig up her freshly buried shame and insecurity. She felt inordinately lied to, even though she knew, logically, that her friends were not the type to lie to her, and wanted nothing more than to escape and hide for a while.
She needed time and space to think and collect herself, more than she had in a long time.
So he likes to talk big, but he doesn't like a woman that shows interest, she thought bitterly. Or maybe it's just me that he doesn't want. Maybe he's just been lying to make me feel better about everything. Maybe I did... do those things... And now I've ruined everything.
She choked back angry tears, summoned her resolve, and stomped into the common room. Kagome's eyes were full of worry, but Inuyasha looked stonily impassive, as if he did not even see her. She almost preferred his indifference to Kagome's overwhelming concern. Frustrated, she grabbed her sword and armor, and fled.
She might be angry, but she was not stupid enough to venture out into the forest even near a temple without some form of protection. With a worried chirp, Kirara hurried to follow, leaving Inuyasha and Kagome to watch and wonder what had happened.
Chapter Seventeen
The travelers did not even stop to eat over the course of the next day and, after pressing onward at full speed nearly all day, arrived at Mushin's temple shortly after nightfall. The temple was quiet and dark, so they approached with caution. There was no telling what might await them here. Even though they were weary from the day's journey, they all knew it was of utmost importance to find Mushin right away.
Inuyasha glared at the darkened building, where it loomed against the night sky. He dragged Miroku behind him and led the way into the temple, pausing just inside the main door. "Stay here," he ordered. "I'll take Miroku and find the monk."
Kagome and Sango glanced at each other for a moment before nodding cautiously. It was obvious that Inuyasha was not taking any chances with Miroku, not after what had happened yesterday.
As Inuyasha strode away, Miroku in tow, Kagome poked her head into one of the storage rooms. "Let's find some candles," she suggested.
Sango fell into step behind Kagome and Shippo as they headed into the storage room, but her mind was wandering. She wondered how Kagome could handle all of this so well; she had all but brushed off the fact that Miroku had tried to kidnap her, had barely even mentioned the way he had tried to use the wind tunnel on Sango and Inuyasha, and had taken Sango's embarrassed and confused account of the past few days completely in stride.
In comparison, Sango felt lost and out of control. She envied the other girl's composure. She might be able to put up a strong and confident front - she supposed that her slayer's training had not been completely in vain - but her insides churned with turmoil. Fear, however well or poorly hidden, was always present: what if they couldn't save Miroku?
They searched for candles or lamps in the storage room, Kagome's flashlight cutting through only a small portion of the gloom. Sango reflected that, knowing what she did of Mushin, it would not be surprising to find the old monk passed out on the floor somewhere, sake bottle in hand. She sighed. If there was ever a time when they needed Mushin not to be Mushin, this would be it.
"Ah hah!" Kagome announced triumphantly, holding up two small candles procured from some cobwebby corner.
From elsewhere in the temple, Inuyasha's voice could be heard, cursing at Mushin and demanding that the old drunkard wake up. Sango headed toward the source of the sound, leaving Kagome to deal with the candles and their supplies.
It was not difficult to find them; in the time it took her to walk over, Mushin had lit a lamp, and a small circle of light surrounded him and the others. The scene was surprising. Inuyasha was astonishingly calm, describing the events that had led to Miroku's possession as best as he could based on what he had overheard of Sango's account, and in turn Mushin seemed shockingly sober. Miroku was as ominously quiet as he had been all day, but this time he was staring at her. His eyes glinted darkly in the light. She wondered what he was thinking, if he was thinking, or if he was subsumed completely by whatever was controlling him, and had to look away.
"I will begin the exorcism right away," Mushin said.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Sango asked.
She thought she heard Inuyasha mutter, "Yeah, quit blaming yourself," but she could not be sure. What she was sure of was that the look the monk and hanyou exchanged could mean nothing good.
"If you would be so kind," Mushin began, in that ingratiating tone that often got him what he wanted - and made Sango fairly prickle with anger. "We will require food, water, and fresh sake when we are done here. Inuyasha has volunteered to assist with the exorcism, but if you would take care of the rest… it would be appreciated."
Sango bristled. It was all she could do not to scream at Inuyasha. He had to be the one that had suggested keeping her out of the exorcism... How could he just send her away like some useless, misbehaved child? She needed to help, to know that Miroku would be okay. And he would not even let her watch.
Knowing it was pointless to argue with Inuyasha, who looked about read to throw her out by brute force if necessary, and was more than strong enough to do it, Sango grabbed the water bucket from the corner and left. As she fled, she tried desperately to convince herself that Inuyasha was just trying to protect her, and not motivated by some supposed shortcoming on her part, but it did little to assuage the urge to lob the damned bucket at his head.
-----
It had been strangely difficult to avoid flinching when Inuyasha saw the pain and anger in Sango's eyes after being asked to waste time with menial chores while he and Mushin saw to the exorcism. But somehow he had managed to steel himself to apparent indifference, even when his ears wanted to droop with shared pain.
He knew that she was likely to be even more hurt if she stuck around for the exorcism and things got ugly. He wouldn't put it past Naraku to have one last trap in store, or to attempt to use Miroku to target Sango again. She had been hurt enough lately; he would not let it happen again. Not on his watch. And he was not about to let the monk do something that stupid, either.
He turned his attention back to the monk, subconsciously tightening his grip on Miroku as he did so. Mushin actually seemed to know what he was doing. Once Sango departed, he set to work straight away. He readied a second lamp in case the first one should run low on oil and began preparing a number of scrolls that, Inuyasha assumed, would be used to expel whatever was inside Miroku.
"Make sure you hold him still, Inuyasha," the monk murmured.
"Yeah, yeah, I got him." He peered skeptically at Mushin. "You done already?" At the monk's nod, and swig of sake, he added, "That's it?" He had never paid much attention to Miroku's so-called exorcisms before, always assuming that there was no truth in Miroku's claims of demonic possession.
"If this doesn't work, there are other methods that may be tried."
"Yeah, whatever. Just fix him." Inuyasha honestly tried his best to be patient while Mushin murmured some sort of chant and began placing the fresh scrolls at various points along Miroku's body, but he was getting fed up with having to hang onto Miroku all the time. The sooner they got this taken care of, the better. They would be able to return to their quest to find the jewel shards and destroy Naraku - who deserved a painful, lingering death even more for this latest scheme.
Mushin finished with his chant and placed the last scroll against Miroku; it stuck and gave off a faint smoldering scent. Inuyasha's nose twitched.
"That should just about do it," the old monk commented. "You may release him now. He should be immobilized by the scrolls until the evil has been dispersed." A moment later, he added, "Whatever this is, it's strong, and it's not quite like anything I've seen before."
A nasty smell started coming from… somewhere. Inuyasha blinked in surprise. Miroku was emanating a dark aura, almost like one of Naraku's miasmas. Suddenly, he collapsed, more of the miasma leaking from his mouth. The flow slowed to a trickle and stopped altogether a few beats later. Inuyasha managed to catch him before he could hit the ground, but for a moment the hanyou was speechless.
"You sure you did that right?" he asked finally, with a glare in Mushin's direction. The monk did not seem to notice; all of his attention was focused on Miroku.
Inuyasha kept glancing toward the door. It seemed like Sango had been gone an inordinately long time. With Miroku's life at stake, he would have thought she would at least try to hurry. It was not like her to dawdle in any case; he had to wonder if excluding her had hurt her feelings more than he had thought it would.
Almost as suddenly as he had collapsed, Miroku blinked his eyes rapidly, and the dark aura in the room disappeared completely. Inuyasha eased him to the floor, onto the mat Mushin had been sleeping on.
"Water," he murmured.
"Sango's getting water," Inuyasha told him.
"Sango… is she safe?"
"Keh. Everyone's safe. No thanks to you, moron."
"Sorry." Miroku groaned. Inuyasha frowned. Something wasn't right. The foul smell from earlier lingered, even if the dark aura did not. Miroku's breathing was light and fast, and it almost looked like he was feverish and sweating. With another groan, he lost consciousness.
"Hey, what the hell's wrong with him? I thought you said you did it right, old man."
"This is not a possession, Inuyasha," Mushin said, the slightest touch of caution in his voice. "The dark aura has gone. If I'm not mistaken, this is poison."
Poison? That would explain the stench, but if it was poison, the situation was much more dire than they had thought. And how the hell had Naraku managed to get poison into Miroku and not have it affect him until he was purified? Sneaky bastard…
And that reminded him of something else.
"Where the hell is Sango? She should have been back by now," Inuyasha growled.
"She may have had difficulty finding the well -"
"She's been here before... she's not that stupid. I'll find her. You stay here with that idiot, and make sure he doesn't die or anything like that," Inuyasha snapped. He bounded from the room with one last backward glance. Miroku, you better not die, you idiot!
-----
Sango stormed out of the temple, wooden bucket in hand. She did not recall exactly where the temple well was, but she was determined to find it and return as quickly as possible so she could upend the bucket over that damn hanyou's head. Kagome noticed her agitation and came running after her, leaving Shippo and Kirara to their own devices inside.
"Sango, wait!"
She slowed down, but just a bit, so the other girl could catch up. "What happened back there?"
"They sent me for water. Inuyasha doesn't want me around during the exorcism." Logic told her that it was a bad idea for her to be nearby during the process, for any number of reasons. None of that changed the fact that she was desperate to help in any way she could… But preferably in a way that was more meaningful than making sure everyone had water and food for after the deed was done.
"He's trying to protect you, you know," Kagome said quietly.
"I know." Sango's voice was sullen, even to her own ears. "But I don't need him to protect me." Except that she sometimes did, and more often than she would prefer to admit. Still, after all they had just been through, she did not think she needed to be protected from Miroku. She wanted to be beside him, not sent on stupid errands to keep her out of the way.
"Sango, I'm sure it doesn't have anything to do with what's happened lately. Inuyasha isn't like that. He just doesn't want to see you get hurt…" She looked back toward the temple, and Sango could practically hear her thinking that Inuyasha had better just not want Sango to get hurt.
"I know," she said, her anger subdued for now. "But how would you feel if Inuyasha was in trouble, and we sent you away?"
Kagome was silent then, her expression downcast. "I'm sorry," she said, finally. "Let's go get that water and get back as fast as we can. I'll get some food cooking, too, so you can go see how Miroku is doing." Under her breath, she added, "I wish Inuyasha wasn't so pig-headed sometimes…"
They found the well with little trouble, and filled the bucket Mushin had indicated Sango should take as well as a second bucket that was lying beside the well. By the time they finally got back to the temple, Sango's temper had frayed to a few delicate strands. She was praying for some sort of distraction, and she got one.
When they entered the main room, Shippo was noisily digging through Kagome's backpack, looking for something.
"Shippo!" Kagome scolded, setting down her bucket and rushing over to pull the fox kit out of her pack. "If you want something out of there, you just have to ask!"
Sango wondered if it was just her imagination, or if Kagome was growing redder and redder. She waited until Shippo had made his plea for more candy - and had been given what he wanted and run off to enjoy it - before abandoning her own bucket beside the door and approaching her friend.
"Is something wrong, Kagome?"
Kagome let out an "eep" sound and jumped in surprise when Sango spoke; apparently she had not realized that she had been followed. "N-nothing's wrong, Sango."
With a sigh, Sango sat down, closing her eyes and leaning against the wall. She felt exhausted, drained… helpless. She had almost hoped that Kagome was concerned about something, just so she would have something to talk about that wasn't Miroku, or so she might have something to do to keep herself occupied. Something that didn't involve water or cooking, preferably.
"Actually," Kagome said, hesitantly enough that Sango opened her eyes to look at her, "Can I get you to hold onto something for me?"
"Do you mind if I ask why?"
Kagome blushed again. "It's… something my mom gave me, that I don't want Inuyasha to see."
"Oh, is it a gift for him?" Sango asked. "I don't mind keeping it for you."
"It's… not exactly a gift," Kagome groaned. "And it's not something a child like Shippo should see. Here." She pressed a smallish paper box into Sango's hands.
The description on the outside of the box included many symbols with which she was not familiar, but what she did understand made Sango blink. Pleasure enhancing? "Kagome… what is this stuff?"
"It's… birth control," Kagome admitted after a long pause.
"Birth control?" Sango blinked rapidly.
"You know… so I won't get pregnant if I…" her voice grew very quiet, "sleep with Inuyasha."
"Oh." Sango glanced nervously at the innocent-looking box in her hands. "I guess I can keep it for you, if you don't think you'll need it…"
All of a sudden, Kagome's expression went from embarrassed to sly. "You know, you could use some of them, if you wanted to."
Sango felt her cheeks heat; there was no doubt that she was blushing bright red. "No way, I could never do that!" she protested, shoving the box into her bag with what she hoped was a strong sense of finality. If Miroku so much as knew she was keeping such a thing for Kagome, she would never hear the end of it.
If Miroku even survived the exorcism ritual. If he ever returned to being the smiling, joking monk she was used to. He had been so serious and somber lately…
Kagome stood up suddenly. "Inuyasha… what's wrong?"
Sango hurriedly tied her bag closed, remembering that Kagome did not want Inuyasha to know about the birth control for some reason, and joined her friend. She had not heard the hanyou enter the room, and appreciated the warning Kagome had given her.
"Something's wrong with the monk," he said.
For a moment it felt like Sango's heart had stopped in her chest. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice hushed with fear.
"Keh. Go see for yourself. Mushin thinks it's some sorta delayed-release poison, or something."
"Poison?" Kagome said, incredulously.
Sango was too busy digging through her bag to answer. She knew Midori's anti-poison remedy was in there somewhere… it had to be. She wasn't sure it would work on someone that had already been poisoned, but if Mushin's suspicions turned out to be correct, they had no other recourse.
Her fingers found the small vial and gripped it tight. Besides, if it would protect against poison, maybe it would be useful against Naraku's hell insects in the future. Provided Miroku lived through this.
I can't let him die now. Not after everything we went through…
Summoning hope and courage, she dashed through the temple. Her footsteps echoed loudly and ominously in the empty building, but she tried to remain undeterred. Behind her, Inuyasha and Kagome followed at a slightly less breakneck pace.
"You say he's been poisoned?" she asked Mushin. She had to consciously still her hands from shaking, and from gripping the vial of Midori's medicine too tightly. Mushin nodded, and she finally let her gaze drift over Miroku's form. He was pallid and sweaty, looking very much as he did after sucking Naraku's poisonous insects into the wind tunnel. She had to admit, Mushin was probably right.
She drew a deep breath. "I hope this works, then."
-----
Miroku drifted in and out of consciousness. It was during one of his brief moments of lucidity that Sango managed to get him to drink Midori's anti-poison concoction. She settled near him and refused to leave his side, even when Kagome urged her to get some sleep.
She paid little mind to her companions, though Kagome and Shippo tried to lure her into conversation about the strange poison and its possible origins, or about Naraku's motive for targeting Miroku in the first place. Their theories grew increasingly wild, and oftentimes silly, as the night wore on, but Sango found none of it amusing. Midnight came and went, and the others left her alone after that.
It was sometime near dawn when Miroku's fever broke, and the effects of the poison began to dissipate. When his expression relaxed and his breathing grew deep and even instead of labored, Sango finally allowed herself to breathe a tentative sigh of relief.
The waiting had seemed interminable. She hated being unable to help, hated knowing she had done all she could and it was still not enough. But if Miroku was alive, that was all that mattered. The rest paled in comparison and fell by the wayside.
The arrival of dawn saw Sango still beside him, sleeping fitfully on the mat that Kagome had left for her, keeping vigil in her own way.
-----
It was two days before Miroku felt recovered enough to get up and about the temple. Sango had spent those two days alternately watching over him or hovering anxiously outside the room in which he slept. He supposed it was comforting for her to be near him, even as he knew that her inability to help speed his recovery threatened to drive her mad.
She was a warrior, a woman of action, and it must rankle to have done all she could without definitively resolving the situation. She, he knew well, would rather fight a demon any day than sit and wait to see if someone she cared deeply for would recover. Even so, he needed to take advantage of time alone. Not just for recovery, but also as a precious chance to think without interruption.
He had realized, during the course of his possession and meditations, that he needed to reevaluate not only his relationship with Sango, but what he expected to gain from that relationship. Somewhere along the line, his desires had shifted from mere physical gratification to a desire for something more. He had been driven by frustration and lust, and somehow had wound up with something different. Something more. Somewhere along the line he'd forgotten about his own selfish motivations, and shifted to caring for Sango more for her sake and less for his own.
The wanting was still there; in fact it seemed not to have abated at all, in spite of the numerous delays in reaching his goal. But it was strengthened, somehow, just as his bond with Sango had been strengthened. He'd stood beside her as much as she would allow, and he liked to think that they had passed the test. They'd survived, at the very least.
Now they just had to survive the aftermath.
Which meant that what he needed to think about now was the best way to continue forward from where they had ended up. He was no longer certain that this was a good time to become more deeply involved with Sango. Too much was at stake, and distractions would be ever more dangerous until Naraku was killed. This latest ploy, as his friends had explained it to him, was proof enough of that.
As much as it galled him to admit it, he would have to set aside thoughts of making love to Sango, at least for now. They would be safer in the long run if they waited to consummate their relationship until after Naraku was dead and gone. It would not be easy, or particularly pleasant, but he recognized it as the necessary course of action.
This line of thinking was part of what had led to his taking several days to fully recover. It was dangerous thinking, and he knew of no way at all to approach the subject with Sango, who seemed more at ease with doing than talking. She had taken to their growing closeness as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and he did not expect her to take the news well when he informed her that they needed to back off.
Not that she was likely to take kindly to any attempts to further their relationship with their friends present, either.
He sighed.
It was always the same with her. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. The actual situation might vary, but it was always the same underneath. Dealing with Sango always required a light, careful touch, or else the consequences had the potential to be quite dire.
He smiled. But when she let him get away with it… the effort was more than worth it. And he had to laugh at that. He, the practiced womanizer, was thrilled with even the slightest of allowances from this woman. His world had truly turned upside down.
He was in such a daze that he almost did not notice when Sango slipped into the room, bearing his dinner. More watered down, almost burned soup, no doubt. He supposed that he could blame his lack of attentiveness on his slow recovery, but found himself distracted by her unkempt appearance. It was obvious that she had not been sleeping well, if at all.
"Sango," he said, the raw tone of his voice surprising him even as his sudden outburst startled her. "I apologize for making such a burden of myself."
She set down the tray, laden with a bowl of steaming hot - and predictably half-burned - soup, and forced a smile. "Burden? It's no burden. Actually, I've been grateful for the rest."
He knew that was a lie, and wondered momentarily if he should press the matter. She probably would not take kindly to such interference.
"Hey, uhm," she began, breaking the silence with her customary awkwardness. "Listen, I'm sorry I let this happen to you."
"It's not your fault, Sango. It's no one's fault. We had no way of knowing what Naraku was up to."
She looked so forlorn; he was quickly losing his resolve to put some space between them. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, soothe her until the hurt went away for good. But he couldn't do that. Not now. Not yet.
"I should know better," she said. He knew to keep his mouth shut just from the tone of her voice. She needed to let this out. "I'm a demon slayer. I should have known better than to go off on my own. I should have known better than to let one failure affect me so much."
She sighed and hung her head; her hair slid forward, hiding her face from view.
"You should get some rest," he said. She seemed to quiver, but said nothing. He had a feeling he knew why she was still upset. She wanted him to do more to comfort her. There was nothing he could say that would not hurt or insult her.
So, against his better judgment, he settled for the one thing that seemed to help lately. With some effort, he pushed himself upright and pulled her into a hug. She came into his embrace willingly, and held tight to him. He let his arms circle her loosely and contented himself with just breathing in the scent of her.
This could be heaven, if they could both just let it.
But they couldn't.
This had to be the last time. The last time they let their feelings get the better of them. The last time they let this, beautiful though it might be, get in the way. The next time it happened, one or both of them could wind up dead. He reminded himself that it had very nearly resulted in their deaths this time, but it didn't matter.
He didn't want to let her go.
But he had to.
It took him a long time to work up the courage. Gradually, he pulled away from her, letting his hands come to rest on her shoulders, keeping her at arm's length. He studied her for a long moment, memorizing the look of trust on her face, and the way she looked when she let him get close and let her guard down, because he did not expect to see such things again.
There was a raw look to her face. She wasn't crying, but it looked like she might. He steeled himself against it as best as he could and, with a deep breath, took the plunge before he could chicken out.
"We can't keep doing this," he said, hating himself with every word. "It's too dangerous. Until Naraku is slain, we cannot take the chance of being distracted at a critical moment, or worse. If you were to become pregnant…" He could not continue, horrified at the thought of Naraku torturing Sango while she was with child, least of all his child, and it seemed Sango had heard enough as well.
"I… see. So that's how it is."
"I wasn't finished," he added, uselessly, as she rose to leave. Once, she might have stayed to hear him out. Obviously she was too unsettled - and hurt - to do so now. He sank back against the mat in defeat as she fled the room.
He wondered if she realized how hard it was for him to do the right thing, to just throw away everything he had so selfishly wanted.
Miroku sighed; he managed, somehow, to make it to his feet and staggered and wobbled his way into the temple common room. The poison may have left him feeling weak, but he had spent enough time abed. Right now it was more important to patch things up with Sango, if he even could.
-----
Sango could not stand to stay, no matter that Miroku claimed he had more to say than just that. She had been growing increasingly tense and anxious while he recovered, and his insistence that they put their relationship on hold until Naraku could be destroyed was doing nothing to help.
It only served to dig up her freshly buried shame and insecurity. She felt inordinately lied to, even though she knew, logically, that her friends were not the type to lie to her, and wanted nothing more than to escape and hide for a while.
She needed time and space to think and collect herself, more than she had in a long time.
So he likes to talk big, but he doesn't like a woman that shows interest, she thought bitterly. Or maybe it's just me that he doesn't want. Maybe he's just been lying to make me feel better about everything. Maybe I did... do those things... And now I've ruined everything.
She choked back angry tears, summoned her resolve, and stomped into the common room. Kagome's eyes were full of worry, but Inuyasha looked stonily impassive, as if he did not even see her. She almost preferred his indifference to Kagome's overwhelming concern. Frustrated, she grabbed her sword and armor, and fled.
She might be angry, but she was not stupid enough to venture out into the forest even near a temple without some form of protection. With a worried chirp, Kirara hurried to follow, leaving Inuyasha and Kagome to watch and wonder what had happened.